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101
101
Review of White Balloons  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: White Balloons

First Impression: My whole life I've found peace in cemetaries but that changed when my grandson died. It was a wake-up moment because I hadn't thought there were children inside cemetaries. Your poem reminds me that children die unexpectedly every day. I like the bold single line question that makes the reader pause and be in the moment.

What needs your attention: The free style narrative works for this reminder that children are dying too soon.

What part I liked best: The image of a loved one looking down on their loved ones trying to cope with the loss.
There are never the right words for the person to let go.

Overall impression: I don't know when it became popular to release balloons but for me it's littering because once the balloons break the pieces will end up somewheres. I'm in favor of creating a garden or contributing to a park project in their loved one's name would be more lasting.

That's neither or there. I'm reviewing a peom the author shared about an experience she witnessed and the thoughts that crossed her mind while observing. The poem brought us in to be witnesses as well for a child taken too soon.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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102
102
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I Don't See The Junco's, Anymore

First Impression: We share a common interest in bird-watching, who would have guessed. I love how the poem tells the junco's story for someone who may not know anything will appreciate them.

I don't see the slate-colored juncos I saw in Maine and in New Jersey. The Audobon Society says Nevada has gray-headed juncos but I haven't seen yet. I miss watching their antics. We used to have about 20 a day when we lived in New Jersey.

What needs your attention: This free style poem works, I don't think changes are necessary.

What part I liked best: In the fourth stanza about the juncos resting before having to search for food after a storm. I used to keep a bucket of seed that once I shoveled I would sprinkle fresh seed for them. The juncos would swarm the seed.

Overall impression: A beautiful tribute about juncos, a spunky little bird species that every reader will want to see in their yard. The free style verse works here very well. I agree with the author looking for them and then realizing how much you miss them. I've been lucky to see different species of birds but none of them are juncos.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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103
103
Review of Chasm  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi KingsSideCastle

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Chasm

First Impression: This was scary reminder of what can happen when you hike alone. It's important to let someone know where you're going to be, even if it's a note inside your car on the dash. Rangers do check those things.
I didn't hike very often but I did manage to get myself turned around and needed help getting myself back out In Acadia National Park. I had left a note on the rangers bulletin board noting what trail I was taking.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors. Kudo.

What part I liked best: I thought Alexis reliving moments in her life would be something any one stranded would do. I chuckled when she got to her Mom. I've told my children the same thing life is hard, nothing comes easy and no matter the struggle it will be worth it.

Overall impression: The author gave a realistic reminder of the hazards of climbing alone. We as the reader had a first hand glimpse of her struggle once she fell into the sink hole and how she overcame the obstacles. The pacing is good. Alexis felt realistic.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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104
104
Review of Game of Thrones  Open in new Window.
for entry " Nobody" Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Kristina

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Giovanni's Body

First Impression: Nicely woven story for the prompt 28 in the Game of Thrones. Giovanni's prompts appeal to me the most among all the offerings in the North Remembers. I hope you're enjoying the writing as much as me.
I'm so sorry about your husband Kristina. I remember when you used to blog anddiscussed your husband being in and out of the hosptial. I'm so glad you're back on WDC.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues. Kudos.

What part I liked best: Old man Hawkins amused me when he remarked another parolee indicating there have been a few. His coming over to the table and asking if she saw him then explaining the little boy's background story. So sad.

c:borange}Overall impression: The author wove a tale about the first meal and inmate had after being released from prison. Those first interactions on the outside were nicely written. The comment between the guards about her being a nobody was great foreshadowing for the story ahead. I thought you did an excellent job placing us in the moment. The pacing was good and the characters felt believable.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Yellow case review # 9
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105
105
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Happy to Write

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I have a different dream today

First Impression: Martin was an impressive man, father, public speaker and pastor. His beliefs were inspirational then and still apply today.

What needs your attention: "However, the struggle has changed some in the last %0 nor so years since" I believe you intended 50 or so years.

In the first paragraph the author states the dream is reasonable. Four sentences later repeats the dream is reasonable. It's redundant. The second time doesn't add to the discussion.
that children with limited abilities is a new sentence beginning That should be capitalized

What part I liked best: The author wants us to remember equality issues still exist for many. Martin opened the door partway but it's not fully opened yet. We have a responsibility to each other to make sure everyone is equal regardless.

Overall impression: The author should revisit this piece and organize the pargraphs to address one concern and then move onto the next paragraph with a separate concern. It will help organize the author's thoughts and make the message clearer and not simply a ramble. There's potential here, it just needs tweaking.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Yellow case # 4
created by Gervic


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106
106
Review of Marriage  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Dorianne

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Marriage

First Impression: In the description the author wants the reader to know some marriages are easy. By the word choices, it is clear English is not your first language. No prejudice intended simply noting the stiffness of the poem.

What needs your attention: In the description, so people should be so many people make marriage look easy. There are some stanzas with sentences and others that aren't. Consistency helps. Like for the second stanza. The first two lines work well together. "Listen to what the other says
and keep cool. Avoid a heartless fight." Avoid a hearless fight is a declarative phrase not a sentence. I suggest changing it to this Listen to what the other says and keep cool to avoid a heartless fight. It matches the rest of the stanza and flows smoother.
In the third stanza any before close-mindedmess slows the pacing.
Treat in the fourth stanza doesn't feel right as it used. Simply moving the words around How you treat each.. will show a unified marriage.

What part I liked best: I sense the author believes in marriage and hopes that others do as well. The poem itself is a reminder in respect that couples should mutually show.

Overall impression: Marriage is a commitment that should not be taken lightly. Couples that have mutual respect for each other are the ones that make it look easy.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Yellow case #3
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107
107
Review of Dismissed  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Dismissed

First Impression: I agree with Millicent the elderly are dismissed way too often. I know unfortunately first hand after witnessing an accident. The police asked the younger people standing there and walked by me totally ignoring me when I said, officer.

What needs your attention: Nothing other than a pet peeve of mine. I'm not a younger person so I find it challenging to read something that has minimal white space. It would me much easier on older readers if you added a space between paragraphs.

What part I liked best: I have a cat themed purse. That's hilarious. I guess, I'm living up to the old lady imagery. I'm hoping she has a good time with that wad of cash. I thought Officer Goodfellow's name was amusing. Sadly, all the officers behaved just like law enforcement we're accustomed to everyday. They don't listen, they just want everything to be just so and not really solve a crime. (Sorry, I've had some unfortunate mishaps with the police so I'm not fond of them.)

Overall impression: The pacing is good and the characters were believable. The story focused on the scene after the robbery and a good Samaritan who tried to do the right thing but was ignored. Bonus, she got a wad of money for her time.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? 1 yellow case *CheckGr*
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108
108
Review of Garden Of Ideas  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Gaby, lady of surprises

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Garden of Ideas

First Impression: Guess I should have peeked in your port when I need a prompt for Blog City. Secrets out and when I overwhelmed, I will return. Writers can't keep drawing from the same well, they need inspiration too.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything I would change. I'm surprised you haven't advertised it on the newsfeed.

This prompt did confuse me, or maybe I'm just GOT fogged.

What if you (your character) walked into a bookstore/library and see all the characters walking around. What do you do?

I get I'm the character but I see all the characters walking around. All the characters from what, the books or the book I'm also a character.

What part I liked best: The forum not only invites you to help others find inspiration but offers a place for you share your writing one of the prompts inspired. The requirements are clear and the forum is inviting. A chance at different merit badge is sweet too!

Overall impression: I added it to my favorites there's a merit badge that appeals to me so I need to review a couple of the stories shared. I didn't note any word count requirements but after game of thrones I'll be used to knocking out 1500 plus.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? review 7 almost got those 10,000 pts.
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109
109
Review of Inner Demons  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" Open in new Window.!


Hi Keeper of the Realm

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Inner Demons

First Impression: I welcomed the darkness with the author. Darkness is a place I feel safest. I've raised a glass more than once welcoming the demons knowing I'm stronger most the time and when I'm not I know there's a thin line that I'm not ready to cross.

What needs your attention: In the sixth stanza in this line Where have you been?! You have an exclamation point after the question mark. I think the question mark works best.
The opening line of the third stanza feels out of place for this reader. There's no other indication of sparkle to balance.

What part I liked best: This author found the full circle of the poem with all is calm. We all desire calm within our self imposed walls but it's a struggle. I'm all too aware of the keeping facades in place because life isn't fair. It sucks.

Overall impression: The author created movement from stanza to stanza allowing the reader glimpses of the struggle with her demons. The only line that gave this reader pause was noted above. The opening stanza and the end stanza being the same served the poem well.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Review 1
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110
110
Review of The Scheme  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes. Seriously, I'm not a stalker though it may feel like it right now.

Title: The Scheme

First Impression: I chuckled reading this flash entry because it reminded me of conversations with my sons when they were younger. Always looking for a way to make fast money.

What needs your attention: I did note this sentence didn't sound like an eight-year old boy.
“All you have to do is use your employee discount when customers are paying, make them pay full cost, and keep the leftovers. No one will even notice,” he informed her with a grin, extremely proud of his criminal plot." The dialogue is too stilted for a child.

It can easily be fixed by breaking it into smaller segments. Mom, use your employee discount when it's a customer. No one will notice, he said beaming.

Then the Mom can think to herself I'm raising a criminal
Just food for thought.

What part I liked best: Newspapers suck. I want to deliver chaos. That made me laugh. It sounded so much like an eight-year boy talking there in your story.

Overall impression: Nice! I enjoyed the reliving memories of my sons scheme about money.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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111
111
Review of Night Terrors  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Night Terrors

First Impression: There's nothing worse than trying to function when you're sleep deprived. The author reminded me of times when I have had horrible nightmares and had to go to work the next day feeling totally exhausted.

What needs your attention:
I drove school bus 31 years and when it is foggy driving with your headlights on high beam makes it more difficult to see. I suggest you consider lowering the lights , it will still serve your story's path.
My second suggestion is about the streets filled with fog sounds strange. You could easily say the the streets shrouded with fog.

What part I liked best: I talk myself into seeing a doctor and then promptly dismiss the idea. I thought the internal dialogue worked well in the situation. I've driven to watch the sunrise over the ocean many times. There's nothing more calming to the mind and soul.

Overall impression: The author introduced us to Suzanna who was struggling with sleep deprivation and shouldn't have been behind the wheel of a car. Unfortunately for Suzanna her dream of .doom came true
I realize it's a flash fiction piece but this reader felt the ending was abrupt and could have been tweaked out more by eliminating some unnecessary words. Ditch some of the and's and simple make some of the sentences fly solo. The nightmare came every night. She woke at five am daily as a result. There's other places to do the same.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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112
112
Review of Raising Rabbits  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Jody,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Raising Rabbits

First Impression: I had to read this line a second time-- How was the rabbit raising conference... on the second read I understood you meant an actual conference. It reminded me of every time I visited an animal shelter I would come home with a new cat. I just couldn't leave them there. Like your character my husband told me that I couldn't visit the shelter anymore.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar issues. Kudos.

What part I liked best: I could connect with the story because of our common interest in animals. Rabbits do multiply quickly, I know that from first hand knowledge too. My kids wanted bunnies one year for Easter. Within a couple of months we had six bunnies and then shortly after that another batch. I learned that boy and girl bunnies can't live together unless I'm seeking overpopulation.

Overall impression: Chinchillas are adorable.
This was a cute story about three bunnies rescued form an elderly woman who could no longer care for them.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Happy to hear you're joining the games.
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
113
113
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Hooves

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Reflection of the Night

First Impression: The protagonist looking into the young man's eyes was like going into his soul and in that moment the connection will be cherished for many years ahead. Everyone needs to feel connected with another.

What needs your attention: In the sentence Later I recalled to vivid memory I think in feels better than to. The way it's worded to me sounds awkward.

What part I liked best: the author,and this reader connected with the two souls passing on their journey, for the brief span in each other lives they gave and received what was needed. I'm happy for the young Arab boy he was safe because of the other passenger's silence.

Overall impression: The story's entertaining to read. I saw the author posted the prompt and this reader feels the prompt was fulfilled and then some. The author reminds us all to take leaps of faith for a better world.
It's a sad world we live because people judge others by race, or ethnicity or their life preferences.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I always love visiting your port.
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114
114
Review of Thinking Spring  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi James A. Osteen Jr.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Thinking Spring

First Impression: The title caught my attention and like the title I'm also thinking about spring. It was beautiful for a while here in Vegas but then the temperatures dropped and it felt like winter again. But then I was reminded of all the weather the Northeast has been experiencing. I'm sure they can't wait until the flowers and trees bloom.

What needs your attention: It's a free style poem with four stanzas that gives the reader the feeling of moving forward with spring. I wouldn't change a thing.

What part I liked best: I live in the desert and April showers don't bring flowers. Spring comes earlier here as do the rain showers. My favorite part of spring are the hummingbirds. The author reminds the reader that all things are worth waiting for its arrival.

Overall impression: This poem as written gives the feeling of spring as it evolves from the bud forming, opening and blessing us with gorgeous displays. The author clearly enjoys poetry.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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115
115
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi James A. Osteen Jr.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The price of freedom

First Impression: The price of freedom does come at a very high price as the author and reader are very aware. I've lost family and good friends serving in the military. It's heartwrenching watching the flag folded and handed to the family.

What needs your attention: The four stanza format serves the poem's story very well. Nothing I could suggest would improve this remarkable tribute.

What part I liked best: It takes a special person to serve in the military, unfortunately the majority serve the briefest time possible to receive what bonus from the government. My son served 26 years in the Navy, and every time his ship was in a dangerous place I held my breath. This poem made me wonder about this soldier's family and the price they paid as well.

Overall impression: This poem reminds the reader lives are lost so we can enjoy all that our country offers. It's a beautiful tribute to the unknown soldier, soldiers. I pray there will come a time when we won't have wars.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Thank you.
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116
116
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Kenzie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Autumn, Won't You Stay a While

First Impression: The author included a beautiful visual image for the reader to immerse not only in the words but the picture as well. Perfect balance. I love the way the different trees colors vary as well.

What needs your attention: This reader noted the highlighted words a visual reminder of the season in the first stanza and the opening line of each stanza was in brown except the last one in black but didn't see the significance of brown highlighted in the third stanza. Just curious if I missed something. Also I noted the repeated lines but not in the final stanza.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the different visual settings the author shared in each stanza. I love maple and oak trees the best because of their offering in the fall.

Overall impression: A beautiful poem with the added bonus of a visual image to put the reader in the moment with the author. Thank you.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Be well.
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117
117
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Kenzie0

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Calm Voice Over by Stormcloud

First Impression: Toddlers are more energetic than a tornado. The magnitude of what they can accomplish in a short period of time has always surprised me. As a parent and now a grandmother I've experienced a lot of those no moments discussed.

What needs your attention: I'm uncertain as to why the words higlighted add to the scary story.

What part I liked best: The fear the mom felt once she realized where her child was and the struggles involved as the situation unfolded. This reader's heart paused hoping that the child was okay. I can relate to her fear.
I had gone on a trip to visit my grandmother with my two young sons. One carseat in the front and one in the back because my two year old son wouldn't stop poking the 2 momth old brother. I was outside the car with the door open when I asked the 2 year old to pass me a diaper. He said, no. So I walked around the car to get it myself when he unhooked his car seat and reached over to pull the shifting lever on the car. It rolled down the hill between 2 trucks on the road. My sons were not hurt but the trunk of the car was buckled by the house it hit.I tried to get into the car but couldn't. So yeah, I know how in the moment unexplained things happen.

Overall impression: The story was gripping and the pacing was perfect. Thank you for sharing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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118
118
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Jackiesmuse

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Mystery Container

First Impression: One line is in bold and nothing else to indicated if it is a contest entry. There's a lot of jumping in this story without natural transitions like for instance Yogurtini to a container home to a steel coffin.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors but I did feel the pacing was off and the story lacked natural flow from one point to the next. Like the blonde joke comment, came out of nowhere and so did the Twilight Zone comment.

What part I liked best: I'm wondering what is in the choca mocha, I need to drink some to make it through GOT.

Overall impression: Eddie and Albert begin this adventure at Yogurtini. From there Eddie is missing and Albert is inside some kind of steel enclosure and a woman named Molly is telling him she's there for their blind date. Just writing this I'm confused because the story didn't follow a natural transition for the reader so I was left wondering at the different mentioned places how we got there.

The story could be fun if the author smooths out the storyline, so it feels cohesive.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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119
119
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Bearclaw

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Gunsmoke and Rose Petals

First Impression: I've checked into hotels and had similar reactions from the clerk. It's immensely frustrating. I'm noticing that the dialogue is stilted like the author isn't comfortable with the English language. People respond more casually than you have here.

What needs your attention:
1."Have you need assistance with your bags, Sir?"" you're missing the preposition have you need of assistance.
2. r vacation r busines you're missing the o in or
3. Consider the paragraph with the nerve wracking toilet, followed by gunshots..his reactions would have been more emotional or agitated by the gunshots being so close. The way it is written, it's like it happens all the time.
4. Do you if she was expecting anyone you're missing the word know. do you know if she...

What part I liked best: I was amsused at the officers indifference to his writing. Many people don't acknowledge writing as a career choice they see it as a hobby.The officer dismissed it as being a work situation until it suited his needs.

Overall impression: "Whoever did should know that was a big no-no and you could get into trouble for that. It would be considered interfering in the investigation of an ongoing Police case. The jail was not out of the question." sections like this come across as the author inserting information instead of working it naturally with dialogue. Sam could easy be talking to a guest who wants to call the paper. It would feel more natural.

The story has potential it just needs some tweaking.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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120
120
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Gervic

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Behind the Green Door

First Impression: Gervic's been busy. I love poetry so I couldn't pass on reading. I enjoyed the imagery in the stanzas and how they were like a prequel to the danger ahead. Good descriptors in every stanza and the rhyming pattern added a sense of impending doom ahead. Nicely told. I noted this was a contest entry because under mystery was two other pieces with the same title.

What needs your attention: Its a free style poem with four-line stanzas that work very well, nothing needs changing in this reader's mind.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed all of the poem but if I had to pick a particular stanza the creaking hinge, a chilling sigh reminds me of my aunt's old house every door creaked differently. It was fun just to open them to hear the creaks. My aunt didn't agree with our antics but then what adult actually likes annoying behavior.

Overall impression: The visual movement in the story added suspense as the reader read. The final stanza left the reader wondering what would cause the end. Nicely done. The pacing worked very well.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-


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121
121
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Joseph

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Barney Investigates the Haunted Mansion

First Impression: Was this intended to be a series of short stories? The ending feels like the story isn't finished yet. Did you watch the Andy Griffith Show when it was Don Knotts because your character feels more like his behavior than when Jack Burns replaced him.

What needs your attention: It's a bit confusing with all the characters either being by their names and other characters being Mr. Cody Casper. Consistency helps.

What part I liked best: Barney standing outside the mansion looking at ivy shrouding the mansion debating his next move but then the shadow caught his eye and he decided to do his job despite being a bundle of nerves.

Overall impression: The story began as a mystery but soon evolved to multiple murders that were left which made the reader wonder where's the rest of the story? The character, Barney felt like the character from the series this story is paralleling.
For this reader a more tense ending would have the story to the next level Like have Barney radio Andy as the scythe crashed the windshield, maybe dropping the mic and throwing the car in reverse. Just food for thought Thank you for sharing your work.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????
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122
Review of Sarah  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Sumojo

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Sarah

First Impression: oh boy, a scary tale. I'm going to have to remember to post scary word combinations for blog posts you have a knack for it. I'm assuming this is for one of the writing contests with the 300 word count listed in the description and the highlighted words.

What needs your attention: in this sentence you'll get more bang for your word count-
She opened the curtains and peered through the lounge room window to check if she could see any lights and dropped the phone with a clatter on the hardwood floor" if you say She opened the curtain and peered through the lounge window because we know its a room. Then continuing in the same sentence -to check for lights. And still the same sentence. The phone clattered onto the hardwood floor. That removes some extra words that don't add to your piece and leaves room for added suspense. There are other places you can do the same.
What part I liked best: I love darkness like you described. I don't find it scary I actually find it soothing. When I loved in Maine, I used to stop at the lake on my way home from my second job stocking shelves at a department store and take a dip in the lake. My favorite times were when the moon wasn't visible at all, it seemed like the I was only living creature left.

Overall impression: Fun entry to read.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? See you blogging again once this is over.
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123
Review of Sneeze  Open in new Window.
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi IE

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Sneeze

First Impression: I vividly remember this time frame in history. I didn't have the opportunity to hear MLK speak in person but I did hear Malcolm X in New Haven. Intense speakers these men wer. We haven't had any leaders like them since.

The story is interesting how you wove in the facts about the letter to MLK and used the real girl's name.

What needs your attention: This is what jumped out at me that made me wonder about your characters. 47 roses for 47th birthday made me question the ages of the children involved because they didn't sound like high school age. Maybe 37 would be more believable.

Girls typically play softball not boys. Boys usually play baseball.

What part I liked best: The interaction at the table and the discussion about listening to the speeches. I remember that announcement, Walter Cronkit was the best newscaster ever in my opinion. Dumbfounded describes the majority of us. It was just unimaginable.

Overall impression: The author did a great job of weaving actual facts into a story for Writer's Cramp. The pacing was good.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? May MLK never be forgotten
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124
124
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi JCCosmos

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Big Mac Assassination Plot

First Impression: As soon as I saw the title on writer's cram forum I knew who the subject was. If only your words could make it happen with no repercussions to anyone.

What needs your attention: I would consider the sentences beginning with and to be worded so they don't start with and. Sentences that begin with and give this reader the sense the author is holding my hand as I read. One sentence is okay but you have four. Two of them in the third paragraph very close to each other.

There's a period in this sentence that doesn't belong after the word and "Texas which had declared independence and. 35 other "

What part I liked best: I don't know your politics nor is this the place to discuss it so I'll simply say the whole concept of the assassination. Not sure I want the country divided up since I would be separated from my loved ones.

Overall impression: Interesting response to the Writer's Cramp contest. Other than the places I pointed out the pacing was good and the plot was hilarious.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Keep on writing!
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125
125
Review by Lyn's a Wit... Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Gervic

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes. Yup, me again!

Title: Silent on the Balcony

First Impression: Thank you for including the prompt requirements, I find that very helpful. The rhyming pattern works very well here. I remember the day President Kennedy because it's the first time I ever saw my Grandma and my Uncle cry. I had just came in from school and they were sitting in front of the television sobbing.

What needs your attention: I can't find anything I would change, you nailed it Gervic. Kudos.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the whole build up to the final line, it felt like a wave of emotion crashing on to me. The last stanza felt intense like I was standing there in that moment especially with no pulse, no breath a chilling hush.

Overall impression: The stanzas were a consistent four line stanza with a rhyming pattern that worked very well. The rhyming didn't feel forced The pacing was good. I feel it should have won the challenge. And yes, I read the other competitors entries so I'm not trying to flatter you.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? You're a tough competitor.
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