This is a story that should be printed out and taped to everyone's (including mine) refrigerator. It makes me ashamed that sometimes we have so many leftovers that we throw them away or buy a bag of chips or snacks at the store that we really could do better without. Why are we like this? Is it because of how we were raised? No, I don't think so because my parents were thrifty when I grew up. As far as the writing goes, I cannot recommend anything different, I think it speaks for itself. You should be proud, not only of the writing but of what is apparently in your heart.
Very emotional verse. I sense that the writer has gone through some tough times and periods of darkness in their life or known someone close who has. I feel the pain. I hope for light at the end of the darkness for this person. If it comes in the form of writing, then I feel that it will happen, for the writer has a good grasp on how to make the reader feel the words.
Nice emotional verse. What a lovely way to express feelings and thankfulness between a mother and her child. I sense the struggle here to make ends meet but still a positive outlook toward the future. I did notice one typo, 1st line. I believe it should be your, not you.
I love this. What a creative way to express racial conflicts. There is a lot of hidden emotion in this verse. Makes the reader think, especially the part about making eye contact but then looking away; haven't we all done that at one time or another?
Totally relatable. This would make a good song. It seems many of us are drawn to the wrong person and if the attraction is strong enough we don't seem able to pull ourselves away. I've wondered this myself in the past. If you can't really trust someone, how can you love them?
I'm not sure what form of poetry this takes, or is it Prose? Doesn't matter, the emotion of what the writer was expressing is clear. It seems the character has been hurt badly before and doesn't want to experience this again but can't seem to stop falling for the wrong person. I think many of us will be able to relate to this.
Interesting story. I questioned how Holly had gotten in the dining room or if she had been sitting there for the last 15 years? I'm confused, perhaps that was the author's intention; to leave the reader with the question - how the heck did she get there and/or how long was she sitting there?
I enjoyed this story. It rings true to me as I work for an Internet Service Provider and our tech support staff has very similar stories to tell. You have captured the frustration perfectly and yet added humor to make the story interesting.
This is a very cute story, great for children; imaginative. I noticed that you had stoled, twice, which is the incorrect form. You might want to change that. (Note that star rating is not available for me to choose???)
This is a very cute story, great for children; imaginative. I noticed that you had stoled, twice, which is the incorrect form. You might want to change that. (Note that star rating is not available for me to choose???)
This is such a heart touching story and brings back memories of my family too. All the new hype with tales of the future are ok but when I read a story the ones about family are more to my liking and make me feel something. I wish families today were like you described. Now everyone is into electronic devices too much in my opinion and you just don't get together like in the good old days. I enjoyed it very much!
PS: There is no star rating on this one or I would give you 5
I enjoyed the verse, so much of it is true, especially with the coming election because I myself seem to be an in between voter for the first time I can remember. I like that you brought us back to the beginning of our amazing country and then end with an optimistic prediction for the future. I have to admit that I'll need to consult a dictionary for a few of the words. LOL
Nice descriptive verse that captures all the sights, smells and tastes of autumn. Makes one wish to slow down, skip work, and also escape to that same picture you've created.
You had me. I could relate to the senses you were relating as one lies in the sun. Haven't we all. Your descriptions were very good and I felt like I was there. I was shocked when you revealed where you were upon awakening, but that was the point, wasn't it? It's refreshing to know that the character gets some enjoyment out of their lie. Nice.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's unfortunate that there are people who believe the answer to everything is violence. Even though we may not understand something or someone, it doesn't give us the right to take their life or bully or be violent to them. I believe they do this out of fear of something they don't understand when they themselves are the ones to be feared. Your wish is that something good will come from this, maybe a world that is more understanding, I hope this for you. I also hope that you can find some happiness in your future.
Humm, where is the rest? Surely you will continue this? It's very good and I, for one, want to find out what's going to happen. You've been able to paint a picture of Deacon Ryce, (good or bad to be determined), that gives attitude, charisma and excitement. Was he responsible for the explosions? I think it's possible but yet one is left to wonder if he did it. The author was able to grab this reader's attention right from the get go.
Very imaginative piece. The writing is good, it interests you right from the start. I did start to become confused with the people and what exactly their purpose was; it probably was over my head. Good writing!
The author knows how to tell a story within his poetry. It had a nice rhyhum or cadence and a surprise ending. Some of the rhymes were very creative, ones that I personally wouldn't have thought of. A true story teller!!!
I appreciate the start but I was left feeling there should have been more to complete the thought. I think author was trying to say that he was happy until she came into his life? I'm not sure.
I loved the story but I was left with a feeling of incompleteness and wanted to know how it will end. The author's descriptions made me feel, (wish actually), that it was me on the beach experiencing what she was writing. It's been a long time since I thought about being there. In my opinion, this author is well on her way to a best seller. Thanks for sharing!!!!
I assume that this was a personal experience. The connection the author made to his/her surroundings shows that he/she is a very observant person and this will get he/she far in writing. I like that the story had a positive theme at the end when the author awoke to all the great things around him/her.
PS: There were a couple of typos that I spotted in case you want to fix them. 1) didn't feared 2) and brought a lot of sweets.
I think the author wrote this story because it was his way of voicing something that must be ever so hurtful to him. It makes me angry that the mother wouldn't realize what effect this would have on her son. I'm sure she was trying to do the right thing but trying to treat a young girl and 17 year old boy the same is incredulous. Hopefully writing this story has give the author some well deserved venting. It seems he has dealt pretty well with this ludicrous situation. I hope he finds a solution to the problem soon.
PS: You have a couple of minor spelling errors.
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