. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:The story got off to a great start getting this reader's attention right from the first sentence. I thought the metaphor of the wind moaning like a demented cat was spot on. The writer brought in a hint of mystery when she alluded to the wind being an arrow. There was compassion in the story for the aunt who still thought that her long gone husband would be coming home.
{Plot:There were so many great elements to this story and I was looking forward to finding out where the story would take me. I'm afraid that I didn't understand or missed the plot of the story. I'm wondering if compassion made Noel help Cleo leave this life and join the husband she had been waiting for so many years but I was unsure if that is what the writer meant to infer.
Characters:There were only two characters, Noel and Cleo.
Dialogue:The dialogue between the two women seemed authentic and unforced. I did feel the sympathy Noel felt for the elderly woman. The writer was able to show strength in Cleo when she insisted the window remain open even if she had to do it herself.
Grammar:I noticed a few things.
1) she sit up (she sat up)
2) pulled (pull)
3) i t shut (it shut)
Suggestions:I think the feeling of the actors in the story is definitely there. You can tell the writer has a way of reaching their audience and keeping them interested in the story. For me, I wanted more of the story. I wanted to hear the husband's story, what actually happened to him. Did Cleo believe her husband was going to reappear through the window or was she just senile. Was Noel trying to kill her at the end, this part left me wondering what would come next.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:Any story about a man and his dog is a heart wrenching one and this one did not disappoint in that regard. It felt very believable to me and one that I could relate to in a personal way. I always love the interaction between animals and people. It makes me feel that the writer is truly a kind and loving person.
{Plot:If I understood the story correctly, the man lived with his dog in the city but yearned for a quieter place, possibly the mountains. Something was bothering the dog and he was making quite a racket, disrupting the man's need for peace and quiet. The dog would not be satisfied until the man got up and went into the kitchen with him to see what all the fuss was about. This is where the writer so cleverly wove "The Love of a Mother" into his story. On the kitchen counter was an uneaten spoiled bowl of porridge that was lovingly made for the man by his mother. The man hated porridge but the dog was determined to have it. After disposing of the insects who had invaded the dish, the dog had his way. In some respects, the man appeased his loving mother because the porridge did get eaten after all.The last line of the story summed it all up very well.
Characters:A man and his dog.
Dialogue:Little dialogue existed, what there was seemed genuine and authentic.
Grammar:I found nothing wrong with the grammar.
Suggestions:The only part of the story that confused me was the first line. I had to read it several times to figure out what the writer was trying to say. This is not to say that it was incorrect, it just made me ponder for a bit.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
The story made me smile because you were clearly in love with this dog.
{Plot:
This was about the care that was given to a dog after tooth surgery. I loved how you bought him special chicken for a few days after surgery. This is a lucky dog.
Characters:
A dog and it's owner.
Dialogue:
No dialogue. Grammar:
I found nothing wrong with spelling or grammar.
Suggestions:
Keep writing with feeling and heart and your readers will smile like I did in reading this.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
Your story hooked the reader from the first sentence. Your words were colorful and descriptive. I could feel myself there in the water just as you described it, cool and retreshing. I felt the danger that lurked around.
{Plot:
A being ventures for a refeshing dip in cool water, wary of something ready to attack.
Characters:
Only the one main character in this story. Hints of other creatures nearby.
What I liked most:
I loved this description:
white circles of light and small streams of water flowing through
Many other sentences in this piece echoed the same; very descriptive, with feeling.
Grammar:
I found only one thing.
***seems to be absorbed insider her cracked (I wondered if you meant to say inside her cracked?)
Suggestions:
The story begs for more. What was this creature. What were the creatures it was afraid of? Was this another world? I'd like to see more of the story if you ever write it or have already.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I liked this piece. This was a story that made one wonder how they felt about loneliness vs. being alone. The writer brought up a lot of different aspects of feeling lonely. I always thought that a person can feel more lonely in a crowd full of people than they can sitting alone at home with a good book.
{Plot:
There wasn't really a plot to this story. I believe it was more of a study on the subject of loneliness.
What I liked best:
I liked these two sentences the best:
Being alone and feeling loneliness are two different things.
Loneliness will be my guest.
Grammar:
I found no errors.
Suggestions:
You brought up a very interesting subject that I found intriguing. I wondered if you will be more of a psychological writer or will also write fiction and poetry. Whatever you will be writing, I am sure the reader will enjoy it.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I picked this story because the title drew me in. The story had construction problems but the underlying message of the story and the thoughts within were very imaginative and beautiful.
{Plot:
The story centered around a lonely tree who wanted to communicate but was unable to do so. The tree ended up alone in the forest until a man and his child came to sit beside it every day while playing guitar. The tree was so happy to once again have company that it flourished. In the end, the tree became historic and well known throughout the area.
Characters:
No characters except the tree.
Dialogue:
No dialogue.
Grammar:
The sentences seemed to run together and start over without an ending thought. There were a few other errors that I will point out below.
***were some animals (where some animals)
***strong deepened into the ground. (this was referring the the strong roots of the tree. I'm not sure if deepened is a correct word)
***to look like if it was about to die (to look like it was about to die)
***in a comma (in a coma)
Suggestions:
You have a great idea for a story here. Work on your sentence structure and spelling. Use a spell checker to help you. Read your story out loud, it sometimes helps. I liked the over all idea and the ending was well thought out.
Little Love Story (13+) Hey guys, just want to get a little feedback on this, and I hope you enjoy it! Thanks! #2116779 by Addison Swaab
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
There was a basis for a good story here but in my opinion it fell short due to grammar and structure errors.
{Plot:
A young girl and boy go to the movies. He proposes and she tells him she is pregnant. A sub-story is the emotional childhood the girl went through.
Characters:
The man characters were a young boy and girl. There were theater personnel, a best friend, and a dog.
Dialogue:
The dialogue was not written correctly, it ran together in one paragraph.
Grammar:
There were a lot of grammar and structure errors. Here are a few.
***hid behind her hair blushing (his behind her hair, blushing)
***signed Pepsi (sighed Pepsi)
***shook his head (repeated twice in a row)
***he stood up and helped her up (rather than use the word up twice you could try something like this - he stood up and helped her to stand)
***lifted he up (lifted her up)
***one the ground (on the ground)
***and little old shed (a little old shed)
***talk oak tree (tall oak tree)
***Flashback/Reality. (instead of showing flashback and reality, you entered the words flashback and reality. There are many ways you could show this, here is an example:
Her mind drifted back into her childhood.
and then
She blinked, realizing that she had been lost in thought.
***fincaway (finance)
***When they arrived at her best friend's house you told the reader her name was Jesi. Thereafter, you kept referring to her a her best friend. The reader already knows it is her best friend, it would be more personal if you used her name.
Suggestions:
Please don't be discouraged by the review, it is only my opinion and I am not an expert. Many of the mistakes you made were ones that I also made and still do. Writing is a learning experience and you are in the correct place to receive a lot of help and encouragement. Don't be afraid to use a spell checker and think about signing up for some of the great classes offered by New Horizons.
Come Back Mommy (ASR) A six-year-old girl finds herself alone in a house that's making strange noises. #2115038 by Jaylin
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
This was a very well constructed story. I was captured from the first sentence until the very end.
{Plot:
A little girl seemed to be alone in a house frightened by a loud noise in the wall.
Characters:
The majority of the story was only the little girl and what she was experiencing. Her parents appeared at the very end.
Dialogue:
I thought the dialogue was very good.
Grammar:
I could find no grammar errors.
Suggestions:
I have no suggestions on this story. You were able to hook the reader from the beginning and surprise the reader at the end. I could not guess why she was experiencing this terror.
The Storm (E) Like a phoenix rising from the ashes is a woman that finds the strength to love again. #2115788 by Gilmore_Aub
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This was a dark, emotional poem. If my understanding of the poem is correct, I felt like it was a love gone wrong and trying to come out of the darkness that the relationship created and find yourself again.
Rhyme & Meter:
There was an uneven syllable count in the poem. It was a form that I am not familiar with.
That being said, I thought the poem flowed fairly well. There were 2 lines that I stumbled with:
I love this song....For it's where my heart is bound
While I hope and pray the brutal game is done
Grammar/Spelling:
I could find no errors
What I liked most:
There were some very thought provoking and beautiful lines in the poem.
My favorite line was: The rain preaches to me a silent song
What I liked least:
There were no lines I disliked. Each line, in itself, had something pertinent to say.
Suggestions:
Only recently have I learned about different forms of poems and syllable count. I find it very interesting and helpful in my poetry. Check out Poet's Place, they have a lot of information and good advice. You already have the emotion to touch people.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I was expecting to read a story about a comedian. I'm not sure that I would classify this as a story. Truthfully, I don't know what to make of it. It seemed to be a series of comedic lines that the comedian was performing in various cities around the country. I didn't get the humor in most of the lines. Further, the story was riddled with errors. If it was the writer's intention to purposefully include errors in the piece as part of the humor the comedian was portraying, then I apologize. I found the entire piece very unusual.
{Plot:
I did not detect a plot in the piece.
Dialogue:
I can't really describe this as a dialogue. Apparently, the comedian was giving lines of humor to the audience and they responded by clapping and making various other sounds.
Grammar:
The grammar and spelling need a lot of work. Below are some of the errors I detected. Old lady came up to me and ask me (asked me) peaked in a (peeked) and then,, (,) after wards (afterwards} With Blood (With blood) get are (get our) some vagrant ask me (asks me) Los Vegas (Las Vegas} their having a terrible time (they're) Puertorican (Puerto Rico) Your not laughing (you're) Massachusettes (Massachusetts) mirical (miracle) thinks done (things done)(rest of sentence makes no sense) perdict (predict) we use to play (we used to play) deliberality (deliberately) (I had to look that one up myself) Vagas (Vegas) Wayno (way no) meant,is (meant, is) bieng (being) walking,and (walking, and) no how to swim (know how to swim) are vacation (our vacation) intelligtents (intelligence) their going to be (they're going to be)
Suggestions:
I applaud you for coming up with an idea and having the courage to write and share it with others. If you have the desire to write, then you are halfway there. Don't be discouraged and don't be afraid to use a spell checker, I think it will clear up a lot of the above errors for you. Further, New Horizons has a lot of great courses that you might consider. Good luck, I hope to see another of your stories out there.
I am sending you a review of your poem as part of the Rising Stars Member to Member Reviews.
STATIC
Love's Ways (E) A young couple's difficulties overcoming different dreams in life #2099926 by Angel
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Emotional poem that reveals a struggle between two people and what they expect from life. She has dreams of fame and feels that he is holding her back. He tries to hold her back because he fears what fame may do to her. They stay together because they have a deep passion for each other. You question how long it will last.
Rhyme & Meter:
The poem flowed well as I read it. I felt it was more of a prose poem rather than a rhyming poem.
Grammar/Spelling:
I didn't find anything wrong with grammar or spelling.
Suggestions:
You are able to write a piece that encompasses two different viewpoints and meld them together in an intricate story poem. That takes talent.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
You have a very descriptive way of writing that leads the reader to imagine what the character is thinking; almost as if the reader were watching a picture show.
{Plot:
The girl in the coffee shop was waiting or looking for something from the outer world. What is was, we are left to guess but it seems she was able to transport her mind to that world and then back again to the present.
Characters:
The girl in the coffee shop was the only character for most of the story until someone interrupts her dreamlike state near the end.
Dialogue:
There was little dialogue. What existed was good.
Grammar:
I found nothing wrong.
Suggestions:
You are a great story teller. I was left wishing that there were more to the story and wondering what she was waiting or looking for.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
Although I didn't quite understand the story, I thought the writing was excellent. I am guessing that this may only be a chapter to a novel? If not, I wish it were.
{Plot:
Again, I was a little unsure what the person was up to in the story but I liked the writing and the idea of the person manipulating the chess set pieces.
Characters:
A man and a chess set.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue between persons.
Grammar:
I could find no errors.
Suggestions:
You write like a pro. I'm sure you will go far with your writing.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This was an emotional sad poem about someone suffering the loss of a loved one and they have lost all sense of happiness as well.
Rhyme & Meter:
This was more of a prose poem.
Grammar/Spelling:
I found no errors.
Suggestions:
You were able to show deep emotion in your poem making the reader feel your sadness.
Katherine (E) What would it have been like to be Henry VIII s ex-wife? #2113135 by Woo
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I really liked this story. Maybe it's because I have always loved stories of England, Kings, and Queens. I recognize this story but you have put a nice twist on it, writing from the perspective of the Queen and how she feels about what happened to her. I had forgotten that their daughter had been banished from the court.
{Plot:
This is about a Queen who has been sent into poverty because she could not bear sons for the King.
Characters:
The Queen.
Dialogue:
There is no dialogue.
Grammar:
I found only one questionable error: for more pocket (for my pocket?)
Suggestions:
It looks like this was written for a contest with limited words. It would be nice to see an expanded story in the future. I would be interested in reading it.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I was interested to see what you came up with for a story because I couldn't think of anything in order to enter the contest. I thought the idea was ingenious and the story was interesting although I expected more of a surprise ending. I wondered if this is something people of that country really do for a living or if it was a story of fiction. I might have to go and look that up on the net.
{Plot:
I thought the story had a good plot. It seemed authentic and I like your descriptions of the characters and surroundings that made it seem real.
Characters:
Good
Dialogue:
Very good.
Grammar:
I could find no errors.
Suggestions:
Again, the only thing that kept me from rating it as a 5 was that I was waiting for more of a surprise ending. I think this would be a great start to a larger piece; even a novel. I thought it had the potential of building more drama and excitement and expanding on the family life and what happened to them. I realize that this was a limited word contest and sometimes that's hard to encompass in just 1000 words. If you do expand it in the future, I'd like a read.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Dark poem about a person who has no desire to live any more. I was not sure if this was because the writer had lost someone who was close to them or was just unhappy. The character seems to find no joy or pain in existing life but feels that they need to end their life to be free. The character expresses delight at being able to join someone again.
Rhyme & Meter:
Rhyme and meter flowed well.
Grammar/Spelling:
I found no errors.
Suggestions:
Writer is able to express deep emotion and feeling.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
This was a scary story. I hope this is a prelude to a short story or novel that you are thinking of writing and not a true life experience. It seems the writer has been deeply hurt by a lie or secret someone is keeping from them and he is determined to get revenge.
{Plot:
A plan of revenge is being considered to those who are keeping secrets and telling lies.
Characters:
One person's thought process.
Dialogue:
Not applicable.
Grammar:
I couldn't find any errors.
Suggestions:
Not sure how to take this. If it's going to be a mystery or thriller, then I am intrigued.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
This was very a very interesting perspective about ones self. I think I'll have to give that exercise a try. Very creative idea and challenge. It's funny, but that one trait that you ended up with really encompassed so many things as you pointed out, from modest, creative, old soul, to honest. This was something that I will be pondering on in the future - who am I?
{Plot:
I thought this was a study in self awareness.
Characters:
Self examination.
Dialogue:
Not applicable.
Grammar:
I didn't find any errors.
Suggestions:
I think you have a complex mind, one that may look at situations from more of a psychological direction than others might. I think this will take you a long way in writing.
Feathers (E) How the feathers of life get thrashed in the hands of inhumanity #2111507 by Dhiman
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Very sad, emotional, poem that brings to the front the senseless killing of nature's beautiful creatures. I felt the freedom of the bird as she soared in the air and then the puzzlement as to what had happened. I thought the last three lines were beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
Rhyme & Meter:
The poem flowed wonderfully.
Grammar/Spelling:
I could find no errors.
Suggestions:
You said so much in so little proving that sometimes less is more. I felt sad that this happened, you gave the reader a sense of emotion.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I always like stories that are true like yours was. As a writer, I'm sure it is nostalgic to remember events from your past and share them with others.
{Plot:
This was not so much a plot as a series of true events that happened.
Characters:
The only characters were the family trying to decide what to do with the cat and dog. I can picture them trying to decide.
Dialogue:
There was no dialogue in this story.
Grammar:
Only a couple of things I noticed: Were had (we had) killed (period at end}
Suggestions:
Story was fun to read. I liked the humane quality of it; family helping a poor little animal. Keep writing!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story!
Espero
Image #2100258 over display limit. -?-
Image #2098718 over display limit. -?-
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
What a nice tribute to 911. I hope this wasn't a personal event or loss. I like how you pointed out the busy lives, never expecting anything to happen and then sonething lurking, hiding, insidious to disrupt the flow of life in the city. That being said, you brought us back to a message of hope, a united front, ready to stand together and disrupt any more plots. I like that the people have now slowed down, realizing they need to be more aware of their surroundings.
Rhyme & Meter:
The poem flowed well
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no obvious errors that I could find.
Suggestions:
Writer has a way of capturing the innermost feelings of people throughout tradgedy and rebirth.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
I thought the writer took an informative piece of information and made it fun to read by using humor. I loved the name Nean Dethal, how creative. It really does make you stop and think about how far we have come through the ages. Sometimes when I receive a text message from one of the grandkids, I have to stop and think about what they are saying, but I catch on pretty fast and have learned a few tricks of my own.
{Plot:
A little teaching exercise.
Characters:
The Derthal family.
Dialogue:
None in the piece. Who needs them with symbols.
Grammar:
I found nothing wrong.
Suggestions:
What a great idea. Imagine if we had learned similar to this in school, how much more fun it would have been.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
This is a powerful poem that uses a metaphor to depict life's journey. We all experience many ups and downs through life, just like the leaf's journey. How many of us have been at the top only to find that one wrong decision plunges us back down and we have to begin the climb all over again. Eventually each of us will lose the battle and succumb and probably most of us will ask that question; did I do anything that mattered in life - will anyone else remember me and what I've done.
Rhyme & Meter:
I am guessing that this is a free form poem. As I read it, it flowed nicely; there were no lines that made me stop and re-read.
Grammar/Spelling:
There were no errors that I could find.
Suggestions:
Obviously this is an experienced writer with an enormous amount of insight.
Thank you for sharing your poem!!!!!
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Overall Impression:The story got off to a great start getting this reader's attention right from the first sentence. I thought the metaphor of the wind moaning like a demented cat was spot on. The writer brought in a hint of mystery when she alluded to the wind being an arrow. There was compassion in the story for the aunt who still thought that her long gone husband would be coming home.
Old lady came up to me and ask me (asked me)![A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]](https://www.writing.com/main/images/action/display/ver/1349548281/item_id/1893180.jpg "Anniversary Reviews Image1 [#1893180]
A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]")
}
Were had (we had)
