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701 Public Reviews Given
718 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
The purpose of my reviews is always to be as helpful as possible. I can't promise that I'll like what you have written or that you'll like what I have to say, but I try to be respectful and encouraging as well as critical.
I'm good at...
Unless otherwise requested, I'm picky (grammar, cliches, and meter in poetry). Characters and writing style take a lot to impress me.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi (apocalypse, post-apocalypse, dystopian, zombie), mystery, war, inspirational, historical fiction, Christian, non-fiction, contemporary, drama, comedy
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, non-fiction, novels
I will not review...
Erotica, gay/lesbian, fan-fiction
Public Reviews
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Review of The Map  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is my opinion, coming to you as a reader. I mean no offense.

This is a reasonably good story, although I find there is little conflict and it's hard to understand what is happening. Obviously Arnold had a daughter and he is remembering her fondly after something had happened. But what? The story doesn't tell us. I found this disappointing, I thought it was building up to tell us at the end.

So I think you could make this into something really good, just by giving us readers a little more detail, information and telling us what happened to her.

I really liked the title: it makes one curious and fits the title well.

Keep writing!
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Review of secret love  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.0)
This story is very sad. There are a few grammar and spelling mistakes. i.e. ...shaking like a leaf and said "Bet you... - should be: ....shaking like a leaf and said, "Bet you...
...I said to her "who i fancy is on this piece of paper."... - should be: ...I said to her, "Who I fancy is on this piece of paper."

So run over your grammar and spelling again, check the flow of the story, and apart from that, I liked it.
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Review of Camping Trip  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.0)
I enjoyed this story, but there are some things which I suggest you fix up. You have changed often from past tense to present tense. Her is an example:

'We are close enough' - present tense - 'close enough' - repeated "close enough" - 'to see where the bear chased us. We could not' - changed to past tense - 'see the bear anywhere. We want' - present tense - 'to be sure though. I decide to climb a tall tree to get a better view. I climb up and still do not see the bear. I tell John that and we walk forward. There was' - past tense - 'both good and bad news. The good news is that I do' - present tense - 'not see them. That means they are still alive. The bad news is that I do not see them. That means that we are stuck here until they come back and find us.
It looks like I got my wish. I don’t have to spend an entire two days with them. John and I scavenge for anything we could use. We only got to take out a couple of bags. We found' - past tense - 'a couple of things we could use. We found John’s fishing pole, several blankets, a pan, extra clothes, a hunting knife, and a lighter. Everything else was too destroyed to use.'

Also, there are quite a few grammar mistakes. And I think there is too much about sitting in the car and not enough when they're separated from their family: after all, that is the climax. I suggest you go through your story again. Apart from that, I think it's pretty good. Keep writing!
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Review of THE ANCHOR  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely poem and very true! (Romans 8:28)
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Review of MY ROCK  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing! ~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this poem.

A few mistakes I noticed: The flowers blossom, the wither and die. - should it be 'The flowers blossom, they wither and die.'

Only when time goes do I realize how happpy I would be if only time would wait for me. - happy has two Ps.

Also, I think the last lines in your verses should be broken up:

While time comes it seems to last an enternity.
Only when time goes do I realize how happy
I would be if only time would wait for me.

and

If I could pass along only one secret,
It would be to enjoy your time before it becomes your past.


Thanks for sharing!

~ Kasia
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Review of The Pit  
Review by Fi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Very sad, very true. There is one part which I didn't think was very realistic: “Yes. Gun shots… I think they’re killing wild animals or celebrating something.” The Jews knew they were going to die.

Apart from this, I think this story was pretty realistic. I'm glad someone remembers and honours the victims of the holocaust. Are you interested in the holocaust/World War Two etc.? If you are, would you like to check out my story at http://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1726162-... ?

Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
I haven't finished reading this story, but I'll just throw a few corrections in here because I had already mostly finished writing this review. It seems odd me, a newbie, giving a review to you, a preferred author. Anyway, some grammar mistakes I noticed while reading and suggestions:

'Hank knew the family well, but only as a fellow church family, and churned the words Ruth spoke over in his mind.' I suggest changing that to, 'Hank knew the family well, but only as a fellow church family, and churned over in his mind the words Ruth had spoken.'

Also: 'With those words, Hank slid the door closed and tapped the roof twice to let Rodney know she was loaded, buckled, and secure. Hank watched the van drive off, with about as much mystery as he’d known for a while. Hank shook his head, and started back inside to meet up with his wife of twenty seven years.' I would change that to, '...He shook his head and started back inside to meet up with his wife of twenty-seven years.'

'Hank worked as a deli attendant at a local grocery for the last 35 years.' - should be, 'Hank had worked...'

'“You are quite welcome, ma’am.” Hank winked at her. Mrs. Roberts parted her lips, and showed her teeth.' - "parted her lips and showed her teeth" sounds a bit odd. Better just to say she smiled?

'Another satisfied customer. Hank said to himself.' - should be, '"Another satisfied customer," Hank said to himself.' or ''Another satisfied customer,' Hank thought.'

Anyway, I'll be back to finish reading the story! Keep it up.

~ Kasia
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Review of Trumpets Sound  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
5 stars!!! I love this poem! It is beautiful, rhyming, rhythmic, flowing, graceful and 100% truth!!! This is a great poem which I encourage all to read and heed - time is running out!

Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!

~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
There are a few mistakes and contradictions in this story:

'My father died and so quickly after, my mother married this...man.' Later, you write: 'I needed to find my father. Mother said that one day she woke up and he was gone.' Did he die or leave her?

Also, there are some grammar mistakes like, 'He was the spitting image of my father.' I think it is 'splitting' not 'spitting'.

At the beginning she is in the garden. Then suddenly she slams down a fork and she's at the dinner table... it's a bit confusing.

You change the tense when you write, 'I've always said she resembles an angel.' I would change it to, 'I had always said she resembled an angel.'

There are some parts which lose the flow a little: '"Don't speak to me like that you little..." Jones jumped up and moved threateningly towards me.' I suggest changing that to, 'Jones jumped up and moved threateningly towards me. "Don't speak to me like that, you little-" "I wasn't speaking to you!"' etc.

So if I was you, I would run over it one more time and check it. Apart from that, it's a pretty good story and I'm looking forward to the next chapters - Why would a good man leave a wife he loved?

Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review of The Perfect Love  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS POEM!!! This is fantastic! I quickly tire of the stupid romantic stuff which everyone writes so badly. This is a different sort... This poem made me smile. For criticism, I would say run over the rhythm again, but that's about it.

Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I'm really enjoying this story.

I hope you don't mind if I give you some tips which I thought of while reading both of these chapters.

I think that if you want to make your main character (Sarah) appear strong to your reader, I would change some parts like when Dr. Fleming’s informs Sarah that her mother is still alive - her reactions felt wrong to me. I think that if you want to make Sarah clever and strong, like main characters should be, I would make her at first react with stunned surprise, bitterness, then curiosity and questions. She would be asking Alex about why her mum left them, not running away from him.

Apart from this, I think your story is really good - I'm very curious to know who her mum is, what the journal says, who Alex is and who Sarah really is. Post the third chapter soon! Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this piece of writing, and am keen to read Chapter Two!!

There is one part which I would change if I were you: '...This was often effective when Katie and I were fussing at each other.
“Miss Brightman! Come quick!” Our handyman Joe called from the back porch...'

I would change it to something like this: '...This was often effective when Katie and I were fussing at each other.
“Miss Brightman!" The voice jerked me from my musing. "Come quick!” It was Joe, our handyman, calling from the back porch...'

...or something like it.

Anyway, thanks for putting the first chapter on here. I'm really keen to read the next chapter!

~Kasia
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Review of Deepest Blue  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a wonderful poem. Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review of Wild Bill  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! I really love this poem! It is really original and it rhymes! So many poems these days don't rhyme or rhythm. They call it 'modern poetry'. I call it nonsense.

Anyway, this is a really good poem and I enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review of Chapter 1  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like it. Interesting. There are a few grammar mistakes you might want to fix up.

Also, if this is fantasy, you may want to make up names (from Latin words is handy) and if you do, make sure they are easy to pronounce. Tom, Grace, John - they are very English/earthy names. What you could do, is instead of fantasy (which gets old very quickly) you could write this story set in somewhere like Asia, B.C 7000 or something.

I have a story line about about a civilization which does not exist and I have decided to set it in Asia, B.C a long time.

It's good! Run over the grammar, check the flow of things and the names and...most importantly....keep writing!

~ Kasia
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Review of The Library Lady  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, I love this story! It's really good. I like the descriptions, the adjectives, the flow, the grammar - everything! A lot of writings on Writing.com have bad descriptions, adjectives, flow, and grammar.

Write some more for me!

Keep it up!

:)

~ Kasia
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Review of Broken  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Gripping. Easy to follow. Perhaps a little wordy sometimes. Too many words can make it slow down.

I think the main character, who is obviously the boy, cries too much. He's too weak for the reader to agree with and blend with.

Keep it up!

~ Kasia
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Review of Seeking wisdom  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Interesting and true. I like it, but the rhyming and rhythm are incorrect.

Keep it up!

~ Kasia
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245
Review of At The Seashore  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely! I could sea each picture as you painted it with colours not found in the rainbow.

The only thing I think it needs is rhyme.

This is vibrant and radiant. Keep it up!

~ Kasia
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Review of Why do you write?  
Review by Fi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Add: To glorify God

That's why I write, and I'm sure there are others with the same reason.

Interesting poll.

~ Kasia

PS. Could you check out my Title Poll?
Kasia Pawelski's Portfolio
[b-item:1723360]
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Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Pretty good and true to fact. Are you a New Zealander? I am.

I spotted a few mistakes.

'Isabella pulled aside the oiled cloth covering the window of their small cabin and anxiously scanned the beach and surrounding bush for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, where was he?'

It's a long sentence to begin with. Also, who is, 'their'? Replace it with, 'her family's'? You could try, Isabella pulled aside the oiled cloth covering the window of her family's small cabin. She anxiously scanned the beach and surrounding bush for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. Where was he?

Where was who? I like it. It's drawing the reader in.

...smoke drifting from the other settlers cabins she sighed and replaced...

Change that to something like, '...smoke drifting from the chimney's of the other settlers' cabins, she sighed and replaced...'

The plural of mosquito is mosquitoes.

'Checking on the children, asleep on their bracken filled mattress' - a comma needs to be here - 'she drew the cover over the tangle of small arms and legs,' - the comma should not be here - 'and ruffled the closest head affectionately.

Gathering up the shirt she had been mending, Isabella tried to focus her tired eyes in the dim light of the oil lamp and continue sewing while she waited for her husband' - there should be an apostrophe here - 's return,' - replace the comma with a full stop - 'ordinarily they would have turned in well before now...'

Anyway, I think you should go over your grammar again, because it was quite hard to read at some points. Apart from that, good story. Sad, but true.

I'm glad to find another Kiwi or at least someone who is interested in New Zealand! Keep it up!

~ Kasia
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Review of My Poetry  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this poem! It's interesting and clever. Thanks! ~ Kasia
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Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Quite neat. Flowing. It has something to say, unlike many poems out there.
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Review by Fi
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Filled with great advice. Thanks so much!! ~ Kasia
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