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Review Requests: OFF
701 Public Reviews Given
718 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
The purpose of my reviews is always to be as helpful as possible. I can't promise that I'll like what you have written or that you'll like what I have to say, but I try to be respectful and encouraging as well as critical.
I'm good at...
Unless otherwise requested, I'm picky (grammar, cliches, and meter in poetry). Characters and writing style take a lot to impress me.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi (apocalypse, post-apocalypse, dystopian, zombie), mystery, war, inspirational, historical fiction, Christian, non-fiction, contemporary, drama, comedy
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, non-fiction, novels
I will not review...
Erotica, gay/lesbian, fan-fiction
Public Reviews
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Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mini,

Pretty good story for its short length. Thanks for sharing!

Just a few tips (remember, its your writing! you aren't obliged to do anything):

1. In your first and second sentences you write: '...and Anthony hated every moment of it. Anthony was stuck in...' – In the first sentence, we know you are talking about Anthony. Unless you have changed to a different subject, Anthony should just be 'he' in the second sentence.

2. 'Sabrina had a knack for being just plain annoying, all the time. It was too dry...' – Unless you are referring to Sabrina being too dry, you should put a new paragraph between those sentences.

3. '...Sabrina whined for the 35th time in 10 minutes.' – I like this part! *Smile* – '"No honey. We'll be there in just a couple minutes though," their mom said.' – It sounds like Anthony is saying 'No honey' so I advise putting 'their mom said' straight after 'No honey'.

4. '"Uncle Lark?" Anthony had the job of finding his uncle and it was turning out to be very difficult.' – This sentence seemed odd. I suggest changing it to something like, '"Uncle Lark?" Anthony called hesitantly. The job of finding his uncle was turning out to be very difficult.'

5. '"Boo!" Anthony jumped...' – There should be a new paragraph after "Boo!"

I hope you find these tips helpful! Good writing – keep it up!

~ Kasia

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177
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Leeus,

Reading your poem 'Seizing the Moment' mystified me and made me continue to the end. Good writing!

Your meter is strong except at line eight, where I feel it went a little kaput. And also, line ten says 'We're seizing this instant, her breath on my neck...' I wondered who 'her' is. It seemed out of place. Should it be 'you'? I advise smoothing these parts over and this poem will shine!

Thanks for sharing your talent!

Always write.

~ Kasia

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Review of The Chosen One  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Erere,

This flash fiction story is really original!! You've caught the reader's attention at the beginning, making us wonder what's happening. Then you've given the tale a strange twist at the end.

Thanks for sharing. Keep writing!

~ Kasia

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Review of Stargazer  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Eric,

I really enjoyed reading this poem.

The title is befitting, topic unique, rhyme good, rhythm constant throughout – except for in the fifth and sixth lines, where I felt I lost it a little (you may want to run over that and see if you can polish it).

This is a cool poem! Thanks for sharing!

~ Kasia

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180
Review of Mary's Plea  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Amay,

This little story was well written and I enjoyed reading it.

Some parts didn't make sense at first, but you explained them quickly. Perhaps you could run over this piece again and fix parts such as when Mary and her daughter were in the hospital then suddenly driving along the highway. Could you connect them, shuffle sentences around?

Good writing! Keep it up! *Smile*

~ Kasia

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Review of Sorry  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I'm really not liking saying this, but sometimes we have to say things we don't like to say. Sometimes we must stand up and cry out.

I felt disappointed when I read this little piece. Your brief description says: This is about an experience in Highschool. When I read the poem, I didn't see anything to do with high school – it didn't explain itself.

Also, I'm offended by the last line: It's one of God's unforgivable tests. God tests, but He is righteous – perfect, without sin. He is not cruel as this line indicates.

But I understand one cannot please everyone.

Perhaps you could expand on this little piece a little? Maybe explain these emotions and connect some things. It could be great.

Please do not think I am trying to hurt or offend you. I send this review anonymously because I do not want this review to come between us. I hope you understand. *Smile*
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182
Review of Tears from Heaven  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I absolutely loved this story! Great story and very clever writing!! The reader instantly knows what's happening in the first sentences. Fantastic writing! Keep it up!

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Review of For every rose  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Janily Aviles,

This is an original poem with depth of meaning and emotion. The reader can relate to it well. You have selected your words well and used clever rhyme. Thank you for sharing this and I would like to say

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday on Writing.com! Happy birthday to you!...Hip hip...HOORAY!" *baloony* *baloonv* *baloonb* Congratulations on turning another year older in this community. *Smile*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
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184
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Echo,

This is breath-taking. You have done so well in creating a picturesque, memorable scene, like a painter with his paintbrush. I love your describing words, such as 'essence of peace', 'torture of time', 'distant giants, curved to perfection', 'spreading their mirth in silhouette below them'. We're not really supposed to quote in reviews, are we? *Smile* I hope you will excuse me.

I truly enjoyed this prose. Thank you so much for sharing.

*caker* WISHING YOU A REALLY HAPPY WRITING.COM ANNIVERSARY!! *baloonv*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
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185
Review of The Tide  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow! This is actually quite terrifying! It's sort of creepy, too. It makes me shiver.

I have to say that is good writing. I really like the first phrase, how you have created a picture instantly in a few words. You have done well in zooming in on the character on the beach and getting instantly into the plot.

Thanks for sharing.

*baloonbl* *CakeP* WISHING YOU A HAPPY WDC ANNIVERSARY! *baloonv* *cakey*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
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186
Review of All That Matters  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Tigereyes,

This story made a lump in my throat and I had to swallow. I can find no fault in this, although 'there is always room for improvement'. Maybe I'm just blind, because I truly can't see anything wrong with it!!
I like it how you inserted your protagonist's age in there subtly when making the apple pie for her birthday. This is a truly beautiful, true, sad, sweet story! Delightful!
Thank you so much for sharing and...

*baloong* HAVE A MAGNIFICENT WDC BIRTHDAY!!! *CakeP*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
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187
Review of Fear Passes  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Belle,

I enjoyed reading this little poetic tale. You have used clever description and painted clear pictures of fear and a storm. I like it how you resolved it at the end with those sweet words. There are a few grammatical errors, so I advise running over it one more time to make sure everything is in place. The title 'Fear Passes' is an appropriate name, saying a lot in itself.

So thanks for sharing and wishing you a FABULOUS Writing.com birthday! *baloonv*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
188
188
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dave L,

This little article is seriously true and I always like reading someone who shares the same opinion with me *Smile*. You have a strong point, how children in modern times take a lot for granted, forgetting their talents and wasting too much time on electronics and suchlike. I liked the sentence: 'It is hoped that some of the kids without their...computer, x-box...cell-phone or other electronic toy will realize they can have fun without all the technology.' ~ Hit the nail on the head.
Also, I love the way you have used Hurricane Frances to make such a point, connecting two things which seem...completely different.

I hope you have a lovely birthday on WDC.

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
189
189
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Celes,

This is a fantastic story with a strong, simple, clear moral!! Genius! I like your writing, too.

There is one part which caught my eye. 'The animals looked up. The enemy has come again. In a flash...' This is changing from past tense to present tense and it throws the reader. I advise changing it to past tense or making someone say it or think it.

Apart from that, I have no other suggestions. Good writing; keep it up!

*baloonb* HAPPY WDC BIRTHDAY!!! *baloonv*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
190
190
Review of My Brother  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Riddle,

Wow! This poem is really beautiful and struck me particularly, pulling heartstrings! I can connect with it, how it is often easier to write something than say it, how some things go without saying, the relationship between siblings. I really did find this delightful. Thanks so much for sharing this with your fellow writers on Writing.com.

*baloonp* *CakeB* *baloonv* HAVE A BRILLIANT WDC ANNIVERSARY!!!! *baloonb* *CakeP* *baloonr*

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*
191
191
Review of New Beginings  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Angel Lee,

I really love your beautiful poem 'New Beginnings'! Five stars! Excellent rhythm – I had it in the first line – and strong rhyming. Also, this poem is full of truth. It's good to start afresh each day praising our Creator. I know in reviews we're supposed to offer some sort of advice or tips, but honestly, I can't find a fault in your poem. It was truly delightful to read.

Thanks for sharing and continue writing for our Lord!! Also, have a great WDC birthday!! *baloong* *baloonb* *baloonp*

~ Kasia

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192
Review of Island Paradise  
Review by Fi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi 'Stinky'!

Happy WDC anniversary!

I enjoyed reading this poem. It was really funny. I particularly liked the lines 7 - 10. Well put!

Your rhyming is good, but sometimes I felt the rhythm had gone a little kaput. That's okay, though, because modern poetry doesn't have to rhyme! (I'm more for the old style poetry, but I know that's just me.)

This is a great poem with originality and pizzaz! Thanks for sharing!

~ Kasia

*Candleb*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Candlev*


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Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sarah,

Interesting poll! Would you like to put your poll on The Poll Page? If you are interested, just follow the link:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1730013 by Not Available.


Thanks for your time!

~ Kasia
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Review of Mary Lou's Dress  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful and very funny poem! Thanks for sharing!
195
195
Review of Letters  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
FIVE STARS!!!
This is truly one of the loveliest stories I have ever read! The story flows well, has a strong, gripping, bitter-sweetness to it; the writing is great; this piece is awash with talent!!! I wish I could give some sort of advice or something helpful like we're supposed to in reviews, but I can't. This is superb, perfect, spotless. Thank you so much for sharing this delightful and bitterly sweet story with us.
196
196
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A book about a rancher that is working hard to save his small family ranch. When Trent hires Sara Temple as a cook and house keeper he gets more then just help. – Should be: A book about a rancher who is working hard to save his small family ranch. When Trent hires Sara Temple as a cook and house keeper he gets more then just help.
197
197
Review by Fi
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Okay, I must admit I'm not into this sort of horrendous horror and dark stuff – I'm not all that keen on it at all. Your writing does need a little practice, but you can get better easily. I don't want to sound discouraging! Keep writing and writing and writing!!!!

*Smile*

~ Kas
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Review by Fi
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey Tom,

This chapter is very descriptive and certainly gruesome. As some honest advice (y'know, writer to writer 1on1 type) I would suggest toning down the violence a little.

It is certainly a gripping chapter and the real nightmare can't possibly be worse than the nightmare Dante has already had... Or can it?

Heading to your second and third chapters now. *Smile*

~ Kas
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Review of It's a Girl  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Odd. *Smile* It doesn't really end, which disappoints the reader, and it doesn't explain what is happening. Was someone abducted by aliens or something?
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Review of OUT AT SIXTY  
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

You write: "I was raised as a Southern Baptist, a denomination that has always taught that being gay was abominable, a belief based on their interpretation of only one verse in the whole Bible. I was always uncomfortable with that, nevertheless, I did not express my views. They don't follow the rest of the verses in the Old Testament."

May I ask which verse in the whole Bible the Southern Baptist belief against gays is interpreted? Also, could you tell me the 'rest of the the verses in the Old Testament' which you refer to - those supporting gays?
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