A wonderful poem.
It is interesting and very well written,
a real treat to read.
I particularly like
"Of future that is present
And present that can bend
To these many nights of wishes
From this ordinary man"
Thanks for sharing it.
Gabriella
I like the poem, particularly
"that allows my unsound feet to leave
an imprint on the cold dense concrete"
You have ability. I hope you'll keep on writing.
There are a couple of words that can
be spelled correctly that would help readers
stay focused on your work.
I peeked after getting
one of your very special
cNotes. I wondered if there
might be some other photos
lurking in your portfolio.
What adorable cats
and great photos !!
I particularly like
Ben, resting at the end
of a busy day with some
good books !
Thanks for sharing the photos.
Gabriella
You're a pretty remarkable writer
I love this poem, and look forward
to looking at more of your work.
Thanks for sharing it. It is at once
intelligent and accessible.
A wonderful accomplishment. Best of
luck to you. Gabriella
Hi, I like the story and I bet you can clean it up
with a little effort. It has the potential to be
a dynamite little story. Everyone knows what it is
like to have a crush. I did when I was in school.
He hanged a black cloud over your feelings for him by offering you weed. You knew that wasn't a good thing
for him to do. I admire you for refusing it. If you
want a little feedback about what parts of your
piece could use a little work, let me know and I'll help.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I sympathize with your plight. All of us have
experienced ebbing intimacy in some form or
other. I wondered what it was that you did together
when things were wonderful, who this person
is and why did he or she matter in the first place. What it is that intruded that made this relationship grow stale and stingy. Your mate brought the office along and couldn't give up working when you were together ? It is an interesting poem, good
enough stir up questions. Thank you for sharing
it. I hope you're enjoying Writing.com as much
as I am. It's a wonderful resource.
All the best, Gabriella
This is lovely !
You hooked me and held me in your writer's
grip, start to finish, Ms Kisses.
Thank you for sharing this delightful work.
It conveys a timeless important message,
one that is particularly uplifting and
beautiful.
I hope you enjoy Writing.com as much
as I do. Best of luck to you with your
writing,
Gabriella
Fun to see what other writers do.
I listen to music when I need a boost. Some
nights or mornings, depending on how
fired up and ready to write I am, I prefer
having a quiet room. But in general, there is no
rhyme or reason as to when I turn
on my CD player. Good luck with the
poll. Gabriella
A lovely poem.
Think if these suggestions are helpful.
we're our own best critics and we have pride
in our work, so you'll decide if any of this
is helpful.
In the line--"your glistening eyes, I keep on
seeing it"..you talk about his eyes, then you
talk about seeing it, eyes are plural.
"I'm back to where my heart was beating fast"
I think you mean you're back to where your
heart IS beating fast..? aren't you ?
You leaped from saying he never responded
to your "I love you" to his comforting you
when you wept. I wondered how that happened.
What happened, he got married ?
And, what brought the feelings flooding back ?
You saw him somewhere ?
These are just thoughts-suggestions. Not to be
used if you don't think they are helpful.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I like your message, it's very compelling.
The poem reminds us all just
a tiny bit of what those prisoners
must have felt. The images and pain
are still with us all.
Thank you for sharing your poem with us.
We're lucky indeed that writers like you write
about social injustices and work to
memorialize shattering events like this.
Bravo !
I hope it's lovely where you are today.
Here, outside Philadelphia, it's warm and
sunny. Spring is on the way :)
Warmest best, Gabriella
A lovely poem, short and to the point.
Nice writing and a sweet theme.
Thank you for sharing it.
Hope it's as pretty where you are today.
Here, outside Philadelphia, it's warm
and sunny. Spring is coming :)
All the best, Gabriella
A loving sincere communication to a lost love.
I liked it very much.
You said it all very well. Bravo !
I hope someone very special comes along
if he doesn't come to his senses :)
Warmest best, Gabriella
You have a lovely writing style.
The story is sweet and well
written. Bravo !! I loved reading
every word of it. I hope you are
enjoying Writing.com as much as I
am. Glad you're here and hope you
keep right on writing.
Thanks for sharing your canoe
experience :) All the best,
Gabriella
A wonderful poem, I loved reading it !
I hope you have people follow
wherever you lead if you're
going to fill the world with
joy and love. We need more
dreamers like you in Congress :)
Thanks for sharing your poem
and for the fun of reading your work.
I hope you stick with Writing.com
This is a wonderful resource.
All the best, Gabriella
I love the message, it's one
that needs telling over and
over. Thanks for sharing your story
and for thinking to tell it.
Good luck with your writing and
welcome to Writing.com
I hope you're enjoying it as much
as I am. All the best, Gabriella
A wonderful poem. What is the answer to
the question--how's everything gonna get
better ? Did you mention the hiding place
in your mind because you run there when
things feel stuck and impossible ?
Could you say something that would help to
take the reader from your hopeless situation
to the hiding place in your mind ?
Whatever you decide is good. I loved having
the chance to read it. Gabriella
A wonderful story, Elyse. Thanks so much
for sharing it. You've got a real ability
to step out of yourself to write what
your readers will enjoy. The story was fun to read
from start to finish. All of us have a very friend
like that at some point in life's journey. I'm much older than you. My friendship with my two best friends
developed in the 4th and 5th grades. Viv and Joanne
are still my best buddies. I'm married with
a grown daughter and three adorable grandchildren,
all girls. I've had dinner out with my best friends
once a month every year for a very long time.
We still laugh at stupid things and act like looney tunes even as grown women. We
don't miss out on chances to laugh alot
and we wouldn't miss out on a chance to
run to help if something comes up and
friends are needed. My two friends were my
salvation when I divorced. Each of us has
had a moment when the other two friends were
needed and turned up without hesitation.
Now that I'm happy with a great guy
and life is good for all of us, we celebrate
our good fortune. You're right about your
friendship. Old friends are like gold. Way
too precious to ever risk losing. Hope all
goes well and especially that you'll keep
right on writing no matter what else comes
up in your busy life :) All the best, Gabriella
A wonderful simply stated poem with an
everyday message that bears repeating.
It is articulate and clear. You did a
great job with this. I hope you enjoy
writing poems, you're good at it.
All the best, Gabriella
Short but wonderful. And, while
you may not remember why you
wrote it, your message is
right on the money.
Thanks for sharing this.
I'd like to post it on my
refrigerator to remind me not
to take one day for
granted. All the best,
Gabriella
I'm a hiker so I appreciate
how special the experience
of hiking in the woods can
be. This is a lovely poem.
Thanks for sharing it.
I hope you're enjoying
Writing.com as much as I
am. All the best,
Gabriella
It's easy to see you had a wonderful experience.
One small thing: in the paragraph where you
describe loving a long car ride, you shift from
talking about her in the third person, to talking
about "you" as though you're addressing her
directly. A small inconsistency but one to fix.
This was obviously a momentous experience for you.
A friend told me I tend to breeze through
writing about emotional moments, suggesting that
I put too much effort into finding adjectives to describe my surroundings while I should be putting more effort into capturing the real experience--what I'm
actually feeling--using all of my senses.
I don't know if you think it
might be helpful and applicable advice for you
too. Just something to think about.
Thanks so much for sharing your work. I enjoyed
the chance to read this piece. Keep on writing.
Gabriella
A wonderful poem. It's dramatic. You create
a picture that is compelling and leaves us
thinking. It's easy to see that you love words.
Thank you for sharing this glorious
piece of work.
Gabriella
A terrifying and sad picture you've painted. I like the poem--it's very dramatic and short and to the point. I hope you keep on writing.
Your piece is powerful. Thank you for sharing it. Gabriella
I think its perfection !!
Great job, beautiful poem, filled
with glorious thoughts, well turned sentences,
wonderful rhymes, and beautifully
chosen words. Fabulous job, the
result of much hard work, flowing from
a talented poet with a great future.
Congratulations ! Gabriella
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