50% credit will be given for presenting film's pros and cons with a clear, articulate
review; 25% credit will acknowledge your ability to connect effectively with your
audience; final 25% credit will be given for providing a compelling review
that is a good read.
FILM CRITIQUE: DRIVING ANGRY starring Nicholas Cage
This is fine effort ! I must admit, I was swept away by your telling of this story. And, horrified.
Imagine watching the people you love tortured and killed as a sentence for criminal activity !
You chose a high energy, action-filled film. What is most compelling about your review
is the effort you put into setting the stage for the film. What is missing is a sense of the film's relentless
action reflected in the pace of your review.
You are a conscientious observer, BBWolf. This is your great strength !
When you submit work for a competition, run it by a friend and check your spelling.
Here are a few suggested changes in your review. Errors of one kind or another distract your readers.
While you made a few errors, you worked hard to produce an effective review.
I appreciate the amount of effort you put into making a good, strong presentation.
In the first paragraph, loose should be lose
In your second paragraph: when you write: .."rescue his grand daughter and to kill Jonah.. ...eliminate "to"
Phew: the last sentence is long and a bit convoluted. I bet you could break it in two.
Third paragraph: Last sentence too long. This is a film review. Readers looking to go to a movie
want quick effective feedback. No long drawn-out sentences. When in doubt, break the sentences
down when you go back for a final edit.
You do a good job wrapping up your review in the last two paragraphs. You hit on the important
elements of the movie, including warning parents that this film is not for young children.
You mention the movie is "good with very little being wasted." The one bit of advice I can offer you
after reading your review all the way through is the review might have been more effective if it
mirrored the pace of the film to some extent with the pace and directness of your review.
Your intention was good. Your long sentences were written to provide what you clearly felt were
important details. The next time you review, get out those editing scissors to cut long sentences
down by half. You'll see what a difference it makes. Shorter sentences tend to be more powerful.
On the whole, this was a very strong first attempt at writing a movie review.
Bravo and all the best,