Ann, this is a beautiful stirring keepsake.
I'm bowled over by your clarity and
sensitivity. You recount your mother's
wrenching last moments with such a strong
sense of your mother and the events
that led up to her last breaths. I'm so
glad you had this time with her. It makes
all the difference to our memories of
our folks to share these precious moments
with them for posterity. I admire your family's
closeness and the loving way you shared your
story. Thank you for sharing this tender
moment, dear Ann. Best wishes to you for
a very Happy New Year.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Viv, a belated thanks for your
beautiful Christmas poem. I
read it to my family at Christmas
along with a couple of others.
Yours is so lovely and filled with
joy and beautiful reminders
of the first Christmas and the
importance of God's gift and
his "unending love." We always begin
our holiday meals with a moment
where we each of us has a chance
to share what we're grateful for.
I hope your Christmas was a very
special one this year. I especially
hope your health issues are
resolved during 2007. Warmest
best to you, Viv. And, many thanks
again for your wonderful holiday
newsletter !
Gabriella
This is a nostalgic poem.
It shares your longing for
the past in a touching way.
It is well written,
delightfully straight-forward,
and simply stated.
It's a valuable lesson we
should all learn, not to
underestimate the value of
family, good times when we are young,
and simple pleasures. I so
appreciate the effort you put
into writing this :)
I hope you'll submit this poem
to a few of Writing.
Com contests. It will stricke
a chord with most readers
here :) Thank you so much for
sharing you work. Happy New
Year and warmest best, Gabriella
This is a cheery lighthearted Christmas
poem that positively glows with good cheer and
Christmas spirit. It's a delight to read,
"Lightkeeper"...it's beautifully expressive,
nicely constructed and I'm happy to say, it
needs no work. You've crafted a lovely
holiday messsage. I particularly liked:
"Inside the oven a turkey roasts
On a frozen lake a skater coasts
A snowman guards the entryway
Beneath the tree the presents lay"
Thank you for sharing your Christmans poem.
I've enjoyed looking at your work. I'm
looking forward to reading more. Happy
New Year to you and warmest best,
Gabriella
I like this ! It works well. You had me worried for a
minute : ) This poem is a delight to read. You write very well Ms. Word Smith, and you have a great sense of
humor and the ability to express it well to entertain your readers. Well done ! I hope you'll continue on to write more poetry.
I had one thought after reading this poem. If you are going to use punctuation, I suggest being consistent. It's not necessary to use commas etc, but I'm a fan of sticking to your decision throughout your poem, whatever you decide to do. Otherwise, I can't imagine suggesting any changes to this poem. It's just great !
I look forward to returning to read more. Thanks for sharing your writing with us !! Happy New Year to you.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Ann, this is a beautiful story.
I'm so impressed with your integrity
and the evolution of your life and
personal development. It's wonderful that
your story has such a happy ending.
I'm glad you're doing well and life
is good. You write beautifully, Ann. I read
your story with great interest.
I'm going to enjoy making a return
visit to your portfolio to read more.
In the meantime, thank you for sharing
your work. I'm glad you're here and
hope you are enjoying W.Com as much as
I am. Best of luck to you with your
writing. Gabriella
What a beautiful fable, L.
Life isn't always like this,
but you hold up an example
of how it should be, which
is all good. We could use
more of these reminders :)
I love the picture you
paint of the dove spreading
her wings over the eagle,
resting her head over his.
It's a lovely story with a
beautiful redeeming outcome. I am
touched by your sensitivity
and kindness. I hope you'll
continue on to write much
more. Your portfolio yearns for
more. I hope you'll let me know
when you add more work. I'd like
to come back to read your
additions. Warmest
best for a Happy New Year, L.
Thank you for sharing your
work. Gabriella
This is very well written, L. It's frightening to read, each paragraph raising the tenor of the story till it
reaches a terrifying pitch. It's terrible not knowing
what happens to Becky. Though the story is a good one.
It literally gallops; you hold your readers spellbound, L. You're a talented capable storyteller. I admire that enormously. I hope you'll continue on to write more. I'm glad you're here and hope you're enjoying the forum as much as I am. Warmest best to you, L. Looking forward to reading more of your work ! Warmest best to you for a Happy New Year ! Gabriella
Robin, this is sad and very compelling.
You tell it well, I came away aching for
the girl in your poem. Depression hurts
on so many levels. It is numbing; it
sweeeps away smiles, and it's isolating and
self destructive. A little voice inside
our head's tells us if we'd just try a little harder
we'll feel better, if we'd only make an
effort, we'll feel like doing all of the
things we're abandoning, one by one. It's
a disease. It needs attention. My heart
goes out to this girl. It's so much easier
to do nothing than to get help, because
nothing seems to matter anymore. I remember
a time in my life when a huge loss
left me numb and buried deep inside myself.
It made a huge difference to get help. Soon
the sadness went away and I was able to
enjoy my life again. I hope this represents
a time gone by for you. It's a fine poem, Robin.
A couple of small suggestions for you:
1) Remove the commas from the 1st line;
2)"Hapy" should be spelled happy in the 2nd stanza;
3) "The one that" can be the one who ...it flows
better I believe;
4) Be consistent, add periods to end each sentence.
Eliminate the dots at the end of each stanza, replace
with a period.
You'll decide if these are useful suggestions. I'd
like to see you and your poem get the best possible ratings. You're worth the effort and so is your poem. Thank you for sharing it. Keep on writing, Robin. You have real potential. Warmest best, Gabriella
I completely agree !
I'd have given anything
to skip over Algebra, but
honestly, it's more useful
than you think. Though you have
my sympathies. I hope you'll
slide through your year with
algebra with a passing
mark so you're able to put
it behind you with great
satisfaction, knowing you'll
never have to crack open an algebra
workbook again :) Wahoooo !
Warmest best for a happy holiday,
Sno. Gabriella
This is pure and innocent, it's
quite beautiful, Anti. You've
scored 5 stars for this lovely homage
to summer. I particuarly like:
"Light coming from her sister's call
She lies across nature's plains
The solstice's locks that cascade in torrent.
Into the sea, sunlight for you and I
Captivating all from clown to cleric
Even wicked weeds whisper "solstice is here"
You are a masterful writer. I hope you
continue on to write much more poetry !
It's wonderful reading your work.
There isn't anything I can suggest to make
this poem better ! Bravo, Anti !
Happiest of holidays to you. Warmest
best, Gabriella
Anne, this is quirky and a fascinating read.
It moved along quickly and held my attention
to the last letter to Mr Quaintick. I have a
feeling this could become something more.
However, it's just fine as is. You write well
and have a wonderful sense of irony. I'm
so glad I took the time to read this. Best of
luck with your writing and this story.
Happiest of holidays to you, Anne. Gabriella
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I've so little experience with this kind of story, I feel less than adequate to review your work. Having said that, I'm happy to venture a couple of observa- tions. First, your story moves along quickly. And, you have a well worked out sense of timing. You know how to ramp up the tension to your readers engaged. I suspect that you'll produce a series of high action adventures. Thank you for sharing your writing with us. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit to your portfolio. I'd love to see you expand your horizons to try writing a bit of poetry. You certainly have the potential to write more. Best of luck with your book and your writing. Happy holidays to you. Warmest best, Gabriella
This is 5-star treatise on obesity is excellent. It's
clear, articulate and informative. You did a great job with the topic and the dilemmas we face as humans needing to take responsibility for quality of life issues. I'm impressed at your thorough treatment of the subject matter. You did a great job. Exercising, eating healthy--including way more fruits and vegetables, and taking our time to rest, and make good decisions. I agree with you, junk food is not our friend much as it's convenient. I'm not sure why it's still the backbone of most fast food restaurants. I hope you capture the attention of folks who can help make change. Bravo, Tyler ! I'm not surprised that you did so well with this paper in school. Warmest best, Gabriella
Lana, this is a well written
good short story. I hope you
will submit it to as many
W.Com contests as you can. It
has real potential, and so
do you ! I hope you'll continue
on to write more. I look forward
to reading your next installment.
You are a very fine writer.
Thanks so much for sharing this
story. I enjoyed reading every word.
Warmest best to you, Gabriella
David, this is a deeply touching poem.
It's a joy to be blessed with children.
And, it's tough when they leave home to
make their own way, As you so eloquently
pointed out in your other poem, we must
take solace in the knowledge that we've
raised them well. The rest will take
care of itself. Once he is established and
has some accomplishments under his belt,
he'll be back. I'm so glad you're here and
delighted to have read your work. I hope
you'll continue on to write more poetry.
You have real talent. Warmest best,
Gabriella
This is a melancholy poem, Mag. You've done a very
good job, writing this. I'm impressed with how
well you've captured feelings of depression and
sadness. Feeling this way is a heavy weight. I hope
you have someone special to talk to when you feel
this way. It's not easy. I remember those feelings
well. Thank you for sharing you poetry, Mag. I hope
you continue on to write much more. You have real
ability. I'd like to see you capitalize on what
is clearly and area of strength. Warmest best,
Gabriella
A sad story, Tom. I hope things get better for you. Brooke sounds like a very special friend. I hope you can hang out with her as much as possible. Does your school provide a counselor for kids to talk to about personal problems ? Most schools do. You conveyed your
pain and the disappointing family situation well.
At the end of your 2nd paragraph, "who care about me
and who wants me to get better" should read: who care
about me and want me to get better.
Keep on writing, Tom. You have potential. I look forward to seeing more of your work.
I love this poem about the
America's Cup, Meg. I grew up
with a sailing dad, hanging out
with him on weekends, sailing
up and down the coast of Maine.
My dad lived for news of the
America's Cup Races. The
Australians have always been
such talented competition, strong
capable sailors. Your poem is
delightful, the second one
a great tribute to Dennis
Connor. Thank you for sharing
this fine poem and your writing. I've
noticed there are a number
of writers here from Australia.
All of you are talented poets !
Congratulations on having been
chosen as one of Writing.Com's
"Rising Stars"....we're
proud to claim you as a friend
and kindred spirit, Meg.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a gorgeous passionate poem, Jeff.
I read it without stopping to catch my
breath. It's strong, sensuous, and compelling.
You write beautifully ! I particularly
liked: "I want the revolution. I want to hold
you safely to my heart, as we turn together to
open ourselves to that wind." This poem
is as beautiful a love letter as it is a
moving piece of well written poetry. I've
thoroughly enjoyed visiting your portfolio.
Your writing is fascinating and diverse.
I look forward to returning to read more
soon. Thank you for sharing your work with
us. And, Congratulations on having been
selected as one of W.Com's "Rising Stars"
in 2006 ! Warmest best, Gabriella
Terry, I love your Christmas
poem. It's pure fun; it
brings back all kinds of
wonderful childhood memories. You
tell your Santa story very well. Santa was an
important part of our childhood
fun. As a result, this poem is a real
Christmas treat, Terry. Thanks
so much for sharing it with us.
Happy Christmas to you !
Gabriella
Sherri, this is a one-in-a-million poem. It's a an exceptionally powerful read, and a compelling one to boot. It cries out in pain from the first to the last
word. The story you tell is most certainly every family's worst nightmare realized ! It begins with the
abduction of a little boy. This full blown nightmare continues as we learn about the boy's experience with the pain of anticipation coupled with the horror of the physical abuse he endured. It is a gut wrenching story, shared as a prayer, a plea, one without apparent resolution. It brought tears, Sherri. It's a theme we've seen played out far too often in the real world. You write about this very real crisis with such skill and remarkable talent, Sherri. I can't think of anything I'd do to change a word. This is a stand-alone beauty, a treasure. Best of luck with this poem and your writing, Sherri. Gabriella
This is a wonderful poem ! I recall
how thrilling it was to jump in
puddles and run around the yard in
the pouring rain on a hot summer day.
And, how much fun it was to relive
those experiences through my daughter
when she was little more than a toddler.
This is a delightful poem you've written,
Rusty. You communicated your joy
at having enjoyed such exceptional
carefree times playing in the rain as a child.
Your recollections are crystal
clear and so lovingly commumicated.
The spirit of the poem is of
unremitting joy and innocence.
I'm so glad you shared this work.
I hope you'll continue
on to write more poetry. You
have real potential. It's wonderful
that you not only accept help but
you also acknowledge it respectfully
in your portfolio. Bravo, Rusty !
Best of luck with this poem and
your writing. It's been fun reading
a bit of your poetry. I'll come
back for another visit one night.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a wrenching beautiful
poem, Waleed. You captured the
feeling with such agonzing perfection.
The scenes you describe I can see
in front of me. I watch with horror.
What a desperate, terribly sad time
this was. I hope you
continue on to write more poetry,
Waleed. You have a gift for
writing. I've been enjoying my
visit to your portfolio. I'll
come back to look again when you
have more work to read.
I'm delighted to meet you and to be
able to see a bit of your work.
Thank you for sharing it, Waleed.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a remarkable poem, KB.
You are a fine writer. After reading
this, of course I hope you'll
write a mountain of poetry !
I love so many lines in this poem,
in particular:
"The still air rings with banchee wails."
and "He with the thunder I would steal
if I could bolt fast enough. He who's
every smile drips a junkie chic allure.
And is dragging me onto the bus."
Incredible word images, oozing with sensuality
and great writing. Thanks for sharing this,
BK. I'm going to be looking for more
of this great work ! Warmest best,
Gabriella
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