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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/garnetrocks
Review Requests: OFF
218 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Usually I review all genre pieces.
I'm good at...
Interpreting the author's viewpoint, correcting grammatical mistakes, to detect if anywhere anything hinders the flow and coherence and add suggestions only. I love to appreciate newbies.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, poetry, short stories, non-fiction
Least Favorite Genres
I dislike none because I do not wish to shut myself out of any spark of creativity.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, poetry of any length
Least Favorite Item Types
None. I am open to everything.
I will not review...
Very long Novel chapters because I do not consider myself qualified to undertake that task. I also feel tired if there is too many grammatical mistakes.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Wild Flowers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is a tribute to a worthy PowerReviewer adorning the Lightning List!

An Acrostic in the name of Wild Flowers is unique enough to call my attention.
Reading through the poem allowed me to forget its form and this form's adherent strained tone of the author, labouring to bend the almighty words into an intended and often ungainly shape. The lines fall easily into line with the intended phrase, ambling in a leisurely pace through the 'fields of clover' and all its promised pleasures! Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem, we wish to read through a lot more.

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2
2
Review of Shards of Glass  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello!

The very title of this poem held my gaze like a suppressed cry. It compelled me to visit the poem and I was rewarded instantly. I shall talk about my personal impression, so please ignore parts you feel unnecessary.

The opening set up sent a shiver through my spine as if it is a perfect setting for self-harming, especially with the already presented image of sharp broken glass. The cadence in the lines contribute heavily in building the atmosphere of hurt, coming pain. The repetitive 'click' appears to be generated from the labored gyration of the fan, but the collage of the 'q' shaped piece, which does not say if it is from the mirror already broken; the bed, the person captive on the bed, the shards of glass becoming a menacing presence connect slowly like a jigsaw puzzle shaping an inevitable kill.

I love the cadence you have created by putting a pause marked by a comma in the middle of almost every line. It appears broken, in bursts of panting breath, and flows into the first part of the next line to add another fractured image. The even tone in the last two lines say the eventuality of a tragedy destined, waiting to happen.

The drama in the series of actions the person performs is shadowed before the actual happening, so that it feels like an inexorable flow of events, feared but irreversible. Is the 'q' a question that breaks everything into disconnected pain, which keeps the sufferer from the escape hatch? I am intrigued. But only this inability of mine keeps me from giving the poem a perfect score. If that is intended, I am in the wrong.

I am enchanted. Please share more.


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3
3
Review of The Watcher  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
`Hi! May be I visited your squeaky new port for other reasons, but this piece of yours stood out right from the Header!So I am going to review "The Watcher".

The Title: The word contains the intent watchfulness of a spectator that can make one's antennae go haywire!

The Content: This part goes on unveiling the watchful person's personality with a deliberate calm which may not be exactly what the speaker may feel at the time. The slow deliberate but sure action mode of the 'Watcher' is analysed with an equally sure and shrewd observation. The observation and parings of information appears to be cold and almost cynical. But all this gets convoluted with a caesura after the second stanza, 'Then he smiles.' From here the motion turns a hairpin bend and the calm watcher breaks into delightful action. Just like a roller coaster,the action slows up as if in amused anticipation before it swings into action full tilt, as the stance is reversed.

The vocabulary & treatment of the content: This is written in free verse. The use of punctuation is painstaking and exact as well as the careful choice of words. Well done!

What I liked: Many things. I liked best the instinctive choice of the right word at the right place. None of them can be replaced without ruining the critical balance of the tone.

Keep writing!



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4
4
Review of Noontime Lullaby  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Crissy! I am here to review your poem as a part of "Summer Cookout Review Raid" of SuperPower Reviewers Group" and I hope you will consider my opinions and comments as my personal and you are perfectly at liberty to ignore them as such.

The title is a natural adaptation of the refrain or, vice versa. The poem itself is softer than the name!

The form I guess You have styled your adorable little poem in a poetry form, but I cannot recognize it. The couplets rhyme often and it is not rigorous, and every nine lines we have the refrain. The whole form takes a lilting cadence which matches the mood of the poem very well. It gives a feeling that the words have flown freely and it works here to create a delicate romantic feeling of receiving an engagement ring from a Southerner sweetheart.

The set upis outdoorsy and in a crisp September weather, the fleeting clouds create illusions of turtle doves, and the languishing noontime setting is effectively used to assist the content of the poem.

Language & literary Tools The language is easy, flowing and descriptive, without resorting to unnecessary simile and metaphors. The sweet gesture of a lover praying silently before offering the 'band of promise' is realistic. The picturesque language is twice better for being effortless. But one thing jarred a little in my ears. Do we really want to know things like 'to start a life of our own'? We are much content with the lovely freshness of young love, so that little exact details may mar things a bit.

Impression The simple joys of the heart told in such unpretentious simplicity stole my heart! Please share more!

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5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi! I am to review your poem on Summer Cookout Review Raid with Super Power Review Group. Please consider the occasional opinions and comments as my personal ones and ignore them at your will.
I have come across the title, but it is the content that has stirred my interest.

The Title is a condition set forth which complements your topic appropriately.

The Content bears important contemporary socio-political opinion. I appreciate your genuine feeling about the fact that men should carry out the moral and ethical responsibilities society demands from us in order to maintain its proper functioning. As a social animal each person bears a responsibility to take the side of truth and justice, which, in tern makes his life liveable in the natural and social environment. Invoking God in blasphemous acts against humanity is a heinous act, it suffocates morality and betrays truth. Our weakness assumes the guise of piety and mildness but as you say, 'Armageddon' will not bypass such a person in its destructive sweep. The insertion of the infamous line from Chaplain Forgy lets me guess that the inspiration of the poem partly comes from it.

The tone of the poem is indignant and angry, which is again appropriate to the subject matter.

Tools you have used are pretty undisguised and sharp. "camera's reflections" make many utter inane comments with ridiculous sagacity, God and Ballot are as different as apples and oranges. It is a low trick to associate these two which can prove dangerous in affecting the less discerning masses. It confuses their priorities deliberately. and labelling conscientious voting 'an error in probability' is just such a trick. Here I must quote you, "... forfeit every right he has,
I realize he’s not alone in this, nor is he the last."

You tell the your opinion with no pretence and I wince under the lashing of
"Our motto is “Don’t worry, be happy” as we quadruple our national debt,
Lowering our own standards as our ethics are ignored and very seldom met." It is a disease that is prevalent everywhere under the sky, and so , it is regrettable.

Your simile of 'Mescal tequila worm' is well applied because even such grotesque absurdities can be a widespread sensation, as the unthinkable utterances we sometimes hear. also, the almighty cyber information belies humanity, weakens judgement and most importantly, confuses our thought process fatally.

The blatant dichotomy in praising the Lord while readying the killing machine stands every moral standard on its head and the reason behind it is either greed or cowerdice.
It is a deplorable time indeed.

Summing Up, I must say that I liked your poem. It may not be high thoughts or beautiful emotions, but a straight shaft of light on our sleepy eyes. These are thoughts we passively share, and I should thank you for sharing it in public!


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6
Review of Wild Flowers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello spacefaction!

I have just read your story. I wish to discuss it with you. The opinions I may express are my personal views,but I shall be glad if any point seems useful. As the author you best know what suits your creation.

*FlowerR* Title impact: The title sits queer as one adorning a sci-fi and that is what attracted me to your story. With an apprehension that they can not be what they seem I started reading it and was not disappointed.

*FlowerR* My version of the theme:In my eyes, it is a 'nature takes revenge'theme which is dominant here.The strange planet named 'Zillov' appears to be an earth counterpart in a distopic universe. Man with his inquisitive and manipulative nature could have destroyed earth like Zillov, which remained as a toxic ruin for ages before the sentient plant life takes over. In my mind, if Nature could talk, she might have demanded the same answer from us humans.

*FlowerR* Your plot:The movement of actions lead to a possible destruction of human-ish sentient beings by plant beings adapting themselves to conversation and movement. This a gesture of self preservation.
.
*FlowerR* Your people: The people remind me of the Startrek crew, efficient, cool headed at crisis, but may not be so lucky as they were!

*Reading*Grammar & word craft: The story has a wealth of dialogue which keeps a tab of the happenings and the progress of the story's action. They have kept the flow of the narrative intact. In some places the syntax of the sentence does not seem right.
For example, 'On that monitor, an image of wild flowers filled it.' In this sentence, the possibilities are either'On that monitor, there was an image of wild flowers only' or 'Only an image of wild flowers filled the monitor'. Also,the phrases 'leaned forward' and 'staring up' used to describe the same action may create a confusion in the reader's mind while picturing the movement.

*Yawn* What I like reconsidered: The dialogue strategy works well here, and there is nothing else I would like to be reconsidered except the slightly bumpy pace it has given to the narration.


*BigSmile* My favourite
:“Why are you killing my children? How many of them have you killed?” This is a resounding question indeed!

Please share more!


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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi!
This is a welcome review for joining our Power Review Group! I liked this poem in your portfolio and shared your emotion and wordcraft!
You have upheld a vision of pure love where there could be no failing and no heartbreak. That would be an ideal world, not this one very dear to us, I think. The laughter and warmth of love, when lost , lead us to procrastination, a cagey feeling. You as an author kept up the hope to get back those perfect days, for which you have used the image of light. The tunnel effect of grief might have been emphasized a bit for achieving a vivid picture. Though I personally believe rhyming does not always help to convey our message, you have used end-rhyming. May be we can relax it a bit to allow our expressions more room.

I liked your gentle tone best. Please keep sharing!


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8
8
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Velicity!

This is a welcome note from me to the Power group, and I have chosen this piece because your title has provided a shared platform for the authors to empathize with the feelings you have given utterance here.
talking about titles, the final one is more appropriate to the 'shared' implications than the original one.
I loved the opening line because of the closing clause. The thoughts as virgin jungle is a picture that is not uncommon to find, but containing them as unique to oneself is a pleasant and liberating twist. "I sit below the only willow tree" also harps the same lonely uniqueness which has attracted me to your piece in the first place.
As the poem progresses, it plays with the imagery equating buzzing, straying thoughts to dragonflies, which are 'caught' at the cost of tedious trials. At every new step you have rung so true, so recognizable yet so invariably distinct in style of telling it. The deer in dilemma is another imagery I loved. Encountering the attractive unknown, the dilemma holds. Many facets of one's person, or the myriad persona we carry within ourselves like the cubist's canvas are pictured as 'mixed breed' dogs with different natures. The ones most stirred me are 'dull and unknowing' causing confusion and stagnation.
The conclusion is another twist, rather a contradiction contained in the situation. I do not wish to label it as crude as 'dramatic'. It is delicate and exquisitely sad.

You have written free verse, apparently. I would rather say it is a kind of poetic prose that surpasses the effort poetic diction demands and has found its own meandering way through the thickets.
May be the'dragons'are really meant to be dragonflies as stated in the later lines. will you have a look?
I love your imagery best. The next best thing is the 'sharability' of your observations.Well done Velicity! Please share more with us.



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9
9
Review of Finding Your Muse  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Snow!
I am going to review this piece of yours, please consider the observations as my personal ones and you are at perfect liberty to accept or ignore them. I was attracted to this writing by the appearance of a fantasy but two sentences into it drew me by the pertinence of the topic. The questions inserted into the body of the writing are all aimed at the reader-writer's self assessment. The delectable tone of humour is a plus point here too. I had an LOL moment at "My Muse is a skin changer". Isn't every one of them out there? I appreciated your opinions about those who have already known their muse well, particularly in the case of a writer's block. Knowing one's strength areas will induce one to treat a subject with command. I have also felt the same way that reviewing 'objectively' opens many possibilities. I also agree when you say that self knowledge paves the way to find one's 'authentic self'. I had a slight upward curve on my face when I read that but cannot escape its truth.

Thanks for sharing this with us.



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10
10
Review of A Seed  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kotaro!
I am reviewing your short story. Please consider my comments as my personal opinion and accept or ignore them as you think fit. I liked this little piece of writing because of the fantastic twist the story offers at the end. Both the title and the genre are selected perfectly. The beginning is very normal and the description you put in are tangible enough to relate easily. I noticed that the time lapse during the growth of the plant is not elaborated upon and it seems to be rather short. The delicate perfume is the hint you have put in here, and the intoxication is showed in the actions of the protagonist, which is a fine touch. The flow and progress of the narrative is good, and the last line has a powerful finishing touch. I have not found any grammatical mistakes.

Thank you for sharing the interesting read.


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11
11
Review of kind to run away  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

*CaptainWheel* Title: The implication of the phrase has taken a bit of effort because to do justice to it I had to read all your chapters. I must say the title aptly refers to the beings who are dangerous to be with and the distance would be an act of kindness to the earthlings.

*Idea* Concept and appreciation:The concept presents a phenomenon of transformation into some alien consciousness which is less fragile than humans. The godly exterior of the characters of Eleanor and her likes harbor a tough exacting mind, not easily falling into emotional mires. The crime Eleanor inflicts on Dolly leaves the former with no scar but a relish. The rift between father and daughter seems final while Eleanor is trapped within her 'psychopathic' interior. The link to her mother seems stronger, but lost.

*CaptainWheel* Plot: I cannot comprehend the plot as the story is still forming,but the mystery is well built up. your clue of the alien planet might have been continued later on, but in this particular chapter it has no part.

*CaptainWheel*
Impression of the Idea:The genre is not very congenial to me but I love the mystery element anywhere. At this stage, the gloom is just being hinted at, so I must not put in a spoiler.

*CaptainWheel*
Grammar and vocabulary: Except for occasional slips, there is no major flaw in this regard. The sequence of broken sentences describing Dolly's fall is meant to build up a suspense. I consider them a tool used by you as an author, and I approve.

*CaptainWheel*
Style of writing: You have imbued the elements outside the characters to make your readers envisage the inner environment. The snow and snowflakes are being consciously used here to reflect upon something. I guess it is the sharp coldness of people like Eleanor which is being hinted at. Your pace is fast, but may be you could take more time to let the mystery unfold more slowly, let it brew for sometime?

*CaptainWheel*
Kudos and Applauds:You kept me hitched to your page, sometimes frowning, sometimes shaking my head, but HITCHED, man!*ThumbsUp*

*CaptainWheel*
Areas to work on:I Feel that the use of snowflakes will need a bit of blending in with the context. Sometimes, as in "sharp and eagle-focused" seems to need some rethinking. Who is being eagle-focused? Dolly? I think Eleanor is more likely to be so. Dolly can be eagle-focused upon, at the best, by Eleanor. I understand that there are many things to be filled in and fleshed out, but still, the sharp pointing at some things will remain ambiguous to the uninitiated reader of the first chapter. For example, I do not understand how an attempt to murder can be 'divinely approved'.

*Sun* My Favourite Expression:And then John turned from his daughter, and he thump-thumped away, leaving Eleanor to wipe the tears from her face. It has an air of finality about it, isn't so?



WRITE ON!


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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Snow! I shall review your poem. Please consider my comments as my personal opinions and you reserve all the right to accept or ignore them as the author of this piece.
The content is very informative for me and thus it retains the interest in the first place. In Delhi there is another Baha'i temple looking like a lotus about to open, too. I am amazed by the profundity of the three 'oneness'es and feel that this is what we should feel today to terminate the violence in God's name. The form you have used is also interesting and very personified. I am amazed by that too, and think that it is relevant because it indicates that an unified form can also contain diverse materials.

Thanks for sharing the information but more so for uniting it in a poetry form.
Please share more!



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13
13
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 15, 2018
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Dear Ridinghood, I am going to review your poem. The opinion and suggestions will be my personal ones and as the author you are at perfect liberty to accept or ignore them.

You have assembled all things I am interested in in one small body of this poem.Tarot is my attraction and I quite appreciate the influence the dark goddess image might have had on your imagination. This personification of strength coupled with a ritual of song and dance to deliver and empower the prayer has a strong wild appeal. The use of the word 'reveille' meaning the morning drumbeat or bugle sounds for rousing the troop from sleep has transformed the woodpecker's morning sound into a suppressed violence. I appreciate your usage of words. Now the form Troiseme is to be discussed.
The Troisieme is written in 3 tercets followed by a couplet.The content is broken into 4 parts, an introduction in the 1st tercet, an expansion in the 2nd tercet, a parallel or contrast in the 3rd tercet and a summary or conclusion in the couplet.
The Troisieme is also syllabic, L1-L9 are 9 syllables each, L10,L11 are 11 syllables each, all unrhymed.
You have three tercets followed by a couplet without any visible attempt for rhyming.All the tercets are pertaining to actions like dance, song and payer but I did not feel intrduction or expansion in the first two tercets. The third has differentiated among gods and so has given us a contrast. The couplets adhere to the nine syllable rule, so the form is well carried out here.

All technicalities apart, your little graceful poem has given me joy to read. Please share more!

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14
14
Review of The Diary  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This review is a welcome note, please consider it as my personal views and you are the sole judge of your writing.
Your diary reminds me a little of the Diary of Tom Riddle in Harry Potter, book 2 but from there your depiction trailed away to a sadder region of separation and grief. The regret and the mixed feeling about the secrets the poet has shared with it give the poem a different direction. Here the secrets has been dubbed as 'lies', why I could not understand. The simile that follows it a bit unexpected, but I accept it as a reference to the times spent at the venue. The latter 'it' must have referred to the diary, and the attempt at its personification is appreciated. Please write on and share more with us!

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15
15
Review of Entwined  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Dear Teresa,
Let me first congratulate you on your account anniversary, and then for your ascension to the Preferred list within a single year. This is brilliant achievement!I have enjoyed this beautiful poem on togetherness in love, driving out loneliness with warmth and care. It is such a precious gift we humans have received from God! I loved the expression"We drift off to sleep in our own little world." True, we cannot truly share each other's soul space, but being side by side is a dream in togetherness. Thank you for sharing with us a piece of your precious gentle self.

Keep sharing!



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16
16
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello HuntersMoon! I am going to review your piece here. Please consider this as my personal impression only. You are the person to judge what is best for your expression.
I liked your light-hearted form poem, the Nonet. The humorous take on the long awaited Spring with her boquet of fresh flowers come with the tag of allergic pollen. This sound of sneezing is so common during this time! I laughed as you solemnly call it a Spring's song, a sound typical in Spring. What I liked best is your assimilating the sound of sneezing and sniffing so admirably to the required syllable count. It is a worthy winner of the daily exercise indeed. One point, though. In a Nonet the first line needs to have nine syllables. Here I think there is one short, if the word "I've" is counted for 2 syllables.

Please keep sharing!


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17
17
Review of The Antlion  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Thank you for your entrusting me a review of this wonderfully complex and appealing poem. I am honored for receiving the call.


A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.


*LeafY* Title:The title directly focuses on the metaphor the poet chooses for her predicament, the dread of either death or depression dislodging her anchors of life. The title works well for the composition.

*LeafY* Form:The form is free verse that suits the ebb and flow of the mood wonderfully.

*LeafY* Impression of the Idea: : I see a ‘doubling’ in the idea of ‘Segmentation” and in “crumbling Foundation”. The same dread of ‘cracks forming under immense and continuous heat’ is reflected in formation of both the ideas. This is the image that is sticking to the author’s vision itself, projecting the terrifying image onto any scene the gaze alights upon. It is like looking out from behind a screen containing an image of things crumbling in dust particles in high heat.

*LeafY* Thematic Suggestion: The ant is a metaphor here for a ‘small, segmented, flighty’ existence. If one can push one’s entity in a metaphoric ant, one can also push it into something else, which is more enduring, like, the Sphinx in the desert. It gets defaced, scarred with the passage of time and at war with an inevitable decay, but it is there for some more time than an ant fighting against that metaphoric cone. The gaping predator at the vertex needs our assistance to be recognized as such. It is said, that the world is like a valley surrounded by mountains. If we shout ‘Empty”, it reverberates answering “empty”; if we shout “solid”, it will return the echo –“solid”. As the Science tells us, the universe is neutral in itself. If negativity, or the void, or the gaping predator at the vertex, exists, it has definitely caused an equal condensation of positivity somewhere at its end. The oppressive heat of the day is not a continuum; it is broken by a spell of nightly coolness. If transience is true, how come destruction is the last word? That would be a contradiction in terms, because destruction is transient too. This is what I believe, and you, the poet, always have a choice, even in choosing your own metaphor for your life's challenges.

*LeafY* Description:The description picturesque and graphic. The segmented ant, the cone, the dislodging sand particles, the physical pressure of the heat, which is the metaphor for relentless press of time- everything has contributed to recreate the frightening vision in the psyche. The restiveness or restlessness, the visible struggle of a person having a nightmare of a vision is admirably pictured and transmitted with crystal clarity.The mirage of the monster being split into two, the predator and the victim, when the poet contemplates suicide incites empathy.Not only depression, but bugs and their maddening persistence at existing is the be all and end all of this composition. Also blowing this annoying quality out of proportion and concentration on that fact create the whole point here.

*LeafY* Style of writing:Very simple, it seems like a confession.

*StarStruck* Kudos and Applauds:*ThumbsUp* The end, finding a crack to escape through, and the acknowledgement that there are cracks in the armour of this depression.

*LeafY* Areas to work on:Putting in other metaphors to add sturdier levels to this vulnerability, and finding more positivity that lies out of the field of vision.

*Sun* My favourite expression:


An ant trapped in an antlion cone,
struggling with every segment of its hard, desperate body,
Every leg pulling with more force than an ant has any right to muster,
Escapes.

The rule of the game becomes crippling only if we accept the expanse of 'right' though. And I shall also call it a 'win' in place of an 'escape'.

Please share more with me!I shall like to read more of you.



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18
18
Review of Look at Me!  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! I am here to review and what I say is my personal opinion or feelings. I shall be glad if they can reflect your own, and no issue if it differs anywhere.
The very phrase that make up your title here represents "Adolescence" and its particular quality of showing off quite accurately. The form of five quatrains with the title phrase repeated at the first line of each and rhyming at alternate lines suit the mood of the poem. As the car stands in all its splendor of the 'new kid on the ramp'vibe, the bragging tone of high confidence and pride throbs through every word. Your choice of vocabulary aids it aptly, adding to the energy it radiates, like the sparkle on the brand new car. Personification of the car thrives on the aerodynamic modelling, fast pick up,comfort and luxury as well as refueling the youthful rashness of speed driving. I liked best the way you have caught the spirit of the display car.

Please share more!

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19
19
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Wow! Genipher, I am charmed out of my 'coop'(whatever that means!) to give you a loud cheer. It is true that I did not understand most of the words, but the referential clues work quite satisfactorily. I could never imagine that emojis could shape our future, that is a singular take on your part. I laughed heartily and followed the 'chase' with elan. I enjoyed the story a lot.

Please share more!

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20
20
Review of Life's Cavalcade  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Jeff!
The Quote prompt is interesting and your poem's title fits it like a square peg in a square hole. The idea is well compressed in these two words. The concept is not to be daunted by the vagaries of life and fate, but to keep pace and enjoy the moments as best as one can. You have started with a warning of the flip sides of such a journey and 'waiting', as you say, can develop an inertia of prolonged indifference. The pain will have to be faced, processed and absorbed. "To dance in the rain" is to enjoy being alive for the moment, equal indifference to life and death indicates a personality not fit to live at all. You have ended on a much-used expression which ,I must say, comes as a sudden let-down. Still I appreciate the perils of a form poetry.

The form 'con-verse' prescribes an increasing syllable count for every progressing couplet and an exclusive end rhyme. You have successfully completed the task while giving us a lighthearted poem as an end result.

Please share more!

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

*Apple*Title: The title of the poem breathes a freshness, may be working on the association of ideas with Springtime.

*Apple*Concept and The Underlying Idea: The very opening line heralds the breeze through spring verdure. the concept is a pure form of celebrating the sense of touch and sight; and keeping a sleeping hint of hearing. I can almost hear the whispering of the palm fronds! The welcoming warmth of nature invites all sparks of life, be it birds or insects to a feast. Even the city asphalt cracks up to the new blades of grass.The warmth welling up into summer is chronicled in the last couplet. Wonderfully done!

*Apple*Form: You have given a note tethering your poem a s a haiku series. Every tercet is a complete entity making a string of kindred spirits. I am charmed.

*Apple* Impression of the Idea: Nature at its teeming vibrancy.

*Apple* Grammar and vocabulary: No question of such mundane things enters my head now. It is too full of...fluff now!

*Apple*Description: Description is the heart and soul of this poem.They are microscopically minute and blessed with a certain empathy with the little things in nature.

*Apple*Kudos and Applauds: Delicacy of touch and bringing out the beauty of haiku. *ThumbsUp*

*Sun*My favourite expression:

windchill caresses palm fronds

across asphalt parking lots
grass growing in cracks
.


Please write on!



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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

*Apple*Title: the title is direct in its approaching the subject matter. At the least, it is appropriate.

*Apple*Concept and The Underlying Idea: It is a kind of personification of an old bench. It seems to brood over its bygone days in the time of coming winter.A melancholy time, but the fragmented scenes of passing life as the bench remembers allow it a new glimpse of that flow of life.

*Apple*Form: You mark it as Wrapped Refrain. I find three sestets, where each couplet inside it rhymes independently and not even the refrain containing lines repeat a rhyme scheme. The first part of the first line of each sestet is repeated in the last part of the last line of the same sestet. It is complicated enough but you seem to carry it like a breeze!

*Apple* Impression of the Idea: The idea is good, as all nature themes are perennial.

*Apple* Thematic Suggestion: The theme apparently concentrates on the human season than on the actual one.

*Apple* Grammar and vocabulary: No suggestions to be given.

*Apple*Description: The descriptions of the passing scenes are powerfully and economically done. it suits the purpose perfectly.

*Apple* Style of writing: the tone is conversational and languid. The words are not jarring, the smooth flow of the phonetics is soothing to the ear.

*Apple*Kudos and Applauds: The poet has found the right atmosphere and tone to suit the poetic form. *ThumbsUp*




Please write on!



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Review of The Jester  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

*Apple*Title: The jester or the Joker always brings in an association of the opposite, tears held behind laughter, or violence behind a joking calm. Since Charlie Chaplin, we have our expectation gone even higher. This title has touched upon all the check marks and the content fulfils the promise.

*Apple*Concept and The Underlying Idea: The real feel of the stage, lights obscuring the audience and making the performer feel unattended is underlined here. The feeling is here amalgamated with a performer's insecurity about impressing his audience. The other layer of giving a moment's happy oblivion to those who had received Death's summons almost weighs us down with human tragedy.

*Apple*Form: There are ten quartets having a rhyming scheme of aabb ccdd eeff etc. The long narrative style suits the form well.

*Apple* Impression of the Idea: The idea has a span of life trailing into death and each night the audience changes. This change reverberates as an inevitable passage. To light up moments of those passengers of life is a terrifying task set for one who will have to produce jests.

*Apple* Thematic Suggestion: None from me.

*Apple* Grammar and vocabulary: I have spotted nothing.

*Apple*Description: The description of 'hair' falling is accurate but a bit starkly personal. The next line is quite ok in that respect. As I commented before,a bit of impersonal element can secure the distance of the poet's subjectivity.

*Apple* Style of writing: the poet catches the insecurity of a performer before marked out preys by Death. The seriousness and the slow steady movement of the poem is befitting.

*Apple*Kudos and Applauds: The poet has quietly assured the right atmosphere. *ThumbsUp*


*Apple* Areas to work on: nothing to suggest.*Wink*

*Sun*My favourite expression:

Their lives will be short, while his will be long
He’ll be around, long after they’re gone
They are so mortal, so frail and insecure
He is the same, but different he’s sure

Now, he waits for the cheers and applause
And wonders if this time they left without cause
Slowly and thundering, like a rolling tidal wave,
The clapping begins for the performance he gave
.


Please write on!



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Review of Hindi Masti Song  
Rated: E | (1.0)
I find this utter nonsense. As I myself am an Indian, this hurts me that someone is making a mess of this in Wdc! I hear that all reviews are logged in. If it is, please block this person.This is absolute trash.
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Review of on the other end  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alfred! The content of your poem attracted me here to talk about it. The title gave away a whiff of loneliness which I only found explained at the very close of the poem, which gave it a turn towards seriousness. The glorious colour palette of your sunset which you have used like a string of bright jewels. Purple turns to violet and emerald turns into jade, but they draw a picture of an unusual sunset colors. There are no gold or orange or red. It is as if the time has advanced into coming night, when the habitations turn into a silhouette of black. These pictures of our instant environments we send through our new modern gadgets, sharing our instant living moments. Thus the loneliness of disembodied voices on the other side of the telephone receiver is made obsolete,
"Uniting sound and sight / In the common goal." Actually the concept of calling, as you have said, accepts distance and require instant response. Otherwise the telephone call remains futile. But now even if we are unavailable for the moment, the fragment of other's life lie in wait, and we are enabled to catch the thread where it was left and send an answer in our own time.

I like the idea of gadgets enabling us to share life instantly or at our own leisure, instead of lying in limbo of an unanswered telephone call.

Words are well managed to convey the message. Thank you for sharing.


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