A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.
The title directly focuses on the metaphor the poet chooses for her predicament, the dread of either death or depression dislodging her anchors of life. The title works well for the composition.
:The form is free verse that suits the ebb and flow of the mood wonderfully.
Impression of the Idea
: : I see a ‘doubling’ in the idea of ‘Segmentation” and in “crumbling Foundation”. The same dread of ‘cracks forming under immense and continuous heat’ is reflected in formation of both the ideas. This is the image that is sticking to the author’s vision itself, projecting the terrifying image onto any scene the gaze alights upon. It is like looking out from behind a screen containing an image of things crumbling in dust particles in high heat.
: The ant is a metaphor here for a ‘small, segmented, flighty’ existence. If one can push one’s entity in a metaphoric ant, one can also push it into something else, which is more enduring, like, the Sphinx in the desert. It gets defaced, scarred with the passage of time and at war with an inevitable decay, but it is there for some more time than an ant fighting against that metaphoric cone. The gaping predator at the vertex needs our assistance to be recognized as such. It is said, that the world is like a valley surrounded by mountains. If we shout ‘Empty”, it reverberates answering “empty”; if we shout “solid”, it will return the echo –“solid”. As the Science tells us, the universe is neutral in itself. If negativity, or the void, or the gaping predator at the vertex, exists, it has definitely caused an equal condensation of positivity somewhere at its end. The oppressive heat of the day is not a continuum; it is broken by a spell of nightly coolness. If transience is true, how come destruction is the last word? That would be a contradiction in terms, because destruction is transient too. This is what I believe, and you, the poet, always have a choice, even in choosing your own metaphor for your life's challenges.
:The description picturesque and graphic. The segmented ant, the cone, the dislodging sand particles, the physical pressure of the heat, which is the metaphor for relentless press of time- everything has contributed to recreate the frightening vision in the psyche. The restiveness or restlessness, the visible struggle of a person having a nightmare of a vision is admirably pictured and transmitted with crystal clarity.The mirage of the monster being split into two, the predator and the victim, when the poet contemplates suicide incites empathy.Not only depression, but bugs and their maddening persistence at existing is the be all and end all of this composition. Also blowing this annoying quality out of proportion and concentration on that fact create the whole point here.
Style of writing
:Very simple, it seems like a confession.
Kudos and Applauds
The end, finding a crack to escape through, and the acknowledgement that there are cracks in the armour of this depression.
Areas to work on
:Putting in other metaphors to add sturdier levels to this vulnerability, and finding more positivity that lies out of the field of vision.
My favourite expression