A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The ideas of an array of beautiful things and the end of a list have confused one another. The title is a little out of context.

Content: Mr. Little Green Man will grant any wishes to a little girl. After toying with the tantalizing possibilities of 'Purple ponies', 'a big green dragon', a chocolatey 'icecream Sundae', she feels that being spoilt for choice is class enough. So she finds time to long for the safe return of her soldier brother.

My impression of the Idea: The colours associated with the wishes indeed form a rainbow, but it still feels a little far-fetched. The final wish is genuine and warm with feeling and childish hero-worship.!

Kudos: The transition of the sister from wishes for herself to the ardent prayer for her brother's safety.

Form and Vocabulary: The poem has a four-line stanza form where only the second and the fourth lines rhyme. There is a distinct rhythm in the uncomplicated diction.

Verdict: Heartwarming!

My Favourite:


Bring him home safe and sound
don't leave him in the cold
let him come home from this fight
let him grow old.



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A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title aptly captures the crux of the poem, directly contextual.

Content: A little girl is sad to see her Grandmother die and asks the most disturbing question in human existence,justification of Death. The mother frames the explanation in a beautiful metaphor of never-dying roses.

My impression of the Idea: This author can teach and disguise it semi-transperantly.The idea is an old explnation retold. Still the relevance and choice of metaphor are beautifully in context.

Kudos: The delicacy of treatment.

Form and vocabulary: The form is basically a quatrain rhyming every alternate line in abab,cdcd fashion. The tone is mostly conversational while rhythm takes a very back seat.The vocabulary is in keeping with the daily-version talklike tone.

My Favourite:

The little girl thought, then said, "Before my life closes,
I hope to be like Grandma - a rose in bloom 'til her last breath.


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A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title celebrates a re-birth of the age-old ideal of Beauty as the inspiration to creative authorship. The poem reiterates the theme and that seems to make the title appropriate. It does not explain the poem in reference to any concrete situation. To me the connection appears a bit undefined.

Concept and appreciation: The delicate and uncomplicated world of worshippable beauty, real-life chivalry,impatient stallions and languishment of love, that is, the renaissance atmosphere of Sydney's Fairie Queene is welcomed heartily by the poet. It is a true observation that human nature tends to repeat the extremes in notions of art. Modern ideas of art ignore the high-color version of the Elizabethan life, but the insecurity in the modern poetic vision has replaced the old confidence. The poet counts this to be a loss..

Impression of the Idea: Enjoyment of life was the main tenor of Renaissance life, 'cakes and ale' made the hearty fellow revel. The mysterious quality of Beauty created a halo around the beloved's head, making her worth the trials. The things in life had a greater value, they were not easy to avail at a shop. 'Re-searched beauty',the sun of pastorals we missed and wine 'fermenting again' in our cups as well as our veins will make life worth living.


Grammar and vocabulary: Perfectly all right.

Detailing: Recreating the correlatives for an Elizabethan feel, the poet presents us with a host of details of the particular age. All of them are well applied, but never gives a specific picture. It is all too generic a rebirth.

Style : The images are only hinted at, so they create an interesting collage. A few periodic hints like 'madrigal', 'virginal' which is a kind of harpsicord are also helpful.

Kudos and Applauds:

Evocation of fantasy teleporting one to an age of ethereal dames, brave Esquires and chargers that had thudding hooves rather than wires!

A vigorous life that is thick with happenings is celebrated.

Areas to work on: Creating at least one concrete situation will add to the poem's appeal.

My favourite expression:





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A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.


Title: The title resounds in a grim finality, preshadowing the end of the poem. at the first line, the reader can establish the link with the theme. Well done!

Concept and The Underlying Idea, As I See It:The losing race against time is the destiny of a cancer patient. without any hope for survival, she has no future. Being a dying patient, she is segregated from her past. She is almost a new entity whose life, memories, vitality are all slipping through relentlessly. The disease eats through her entity like a living, creeping beast.But at last she wins by ending her own life at her will.The annihilation stopped at that 'Veto'! The refusal to bow down to decay asserts her identity with dignity restored. The topic is contemporary and brutally relevant.

Form: the free verse forms suits the jerky and broken thought related in the poem. They form a loosely definable collage. From the opening line to the final phrase, the flow is steady and deliberate.The verses trace out a pattern. Each seven-line stanza, except the third, has at least one end rhyme placed arbitrarily.There are "rocks/clocks" in the 1st, "bickering/flickering" in the 2nd, "way/prey/away" in the 4th, "forms/rainstorms" and a repitition of "rocks/clocks" again in 5th, "manifesto/ veto" loosely applied in the 6th. I am not good at identifying forms, but this is definitely the device that ensures the smooth movement of the verses. The third stanza never rhymes and it houses the gravest message in the key image of Time as an intimidating feline 'presence' of unstoppable death and decay.

Impression of the Idea:It is the diary of a battle, hard fought and in the face of sure defeat, won by laying down one's choices of living. The grip on my heartbeats was tight.

Thematic Suggestion:It is an unrelieved gloom few can get through to appreciate! But any attempt to lighten it would hurt the integrity of the poem as a whole. So I have no suggestions.

Imagery:There is a wealth of them.

The river in her 'white foam sneakers' racing along the glare of 'frowning rocks'presents the Life & Death dichotomy with the very first line.
The dying patient is compared to a candle flame about to flicker out of existence.
Time is interpreted differently at different stanzas. It is described as 'creeping', 'feasting on remains', 'wrecking' and 'degrading'--- like some repulsive, relentless maggots in a grave. Only here they decimate a living body. Time is also depicted as a tyrant 'Overruling all objections'; an awe-inspiring silent presence 'without face or figure'. Time is a cat, fierce and cruel, playing with its prey, biding time but inexotably destructive.
The patient is compared to 'a simple flower for her fragile and helpless state.

Style of writing:You can evoke vivid pictures.

Kudos and Applauds:

Unflinching persistence in telling a heart-wrenching tale.

Vibrant picturesque quality.

Crisp dismissals in the final line in every stanza.

Areas to work on: The places like 'savage war cry','slithering in blood','manifesto' seem out of place. Considering the restraint in the earlier stanzas, these expressions jazz up the tone to a cacophonic effect. Screaming the philosophy out in this manner tilts the balance in the poem. Will you think over it?

My favourite expression:

A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The misleading trails of the author lay their traps from the very title.Very ingenious! I do not want to deplete the shock, so I refrain from explaining it.

Content: The lines cunningly build up a mirage of intense passion. The graphic characteristically enhances the false image of a wild night. The grip continues upto the first line of the last stanza, when the twist makes you burst out in a totally different emotion. .

My impression of the Idea: It is entertaining. The best part is that the the word 'mosquito' made me go through the entire poem again, and now I saw the hints laid about freely! I have not experienced such a hearty enjoyment very often.The author's craftmanship is dazzling.

Kudos:

The marvellous trick you have played on us!

Your stainless skill!.

The superb mastery of language.

Bone of Contention: How can you not try the genre of humour more often?

My Favourite:

The last three lines, which I will not quote for the enjoyment of the readers! Oops!


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A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: It is a rare title that interprets and adds layers to the message of a poem. I do not know if the picture had been a prompt. The graphic has emerged as a visual representation of your voice and the title's twin entity, Ken. I remember looking at it while reading the piece. A marvellous job done!

Concept and appreciation: The reality of a person's identity often disappionts the person himself. The persona wished for is often wrapped over the real self to 'pretend' what it is not. The lies grow in layers and the real self trembles inside for fear of exposure. It is a calamity to the person when it does. Bt the greater and more cruel revelation is that the uncaring world reduces the self into a total non-entity. .

Impression of the Idea: Your poem is deep and grim, it disturbs. The individual is haunted by the ideals, both social and personal,he cannot live up to. This alienation eats the core of his being,generating a morbid fear of exposure. But finally the exposure reveals that the self had never been so important. That is annihilation of self.

Thematic Suggestion: I dare not. Let me surface first. I am annihilated.

Grammar and vocabulary: You have done a flawless work there.

Detailing: For touching such depth of thought and feeling, the diction is brutally direct and simple: "I have worn the mask so long, it has become normality". The image of lies shattering 'like shards of pottery'expresses the dullness and valuelessness of protagonist's self. For a weak soul, the truth of its powerlessness is deadly. The feral reaction of a cornered beast is sketched with few bold strokes and it is picturesque.

Style : your style is layering meanings in a complex collage of impressions of a desparate mind.

Kudos and Applauds:

Your unique content.

Your subtle but bold treatment of it.

Your exactitude in use of vocabulary. They are just right.

Areas to work on: Write more.

My favourite expressions:





Please write on!

A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.


Title: The title presents the poet's judgmental approach. It suits the message plain and proper.

Concept and The Underlying Idea:The tragic events of the conquest of a vivacious tribe by upgraded technology are discussed with its pros and cons. THe snaking of the wagons meant new infiltration and the tribe succumbs to inevitable fate. The brutality of so-called civilized people result in carnage. The unequal fight for survival marks question the very definition of 'savagery'.

Form: This is a free verse divided into distinct stanzas. If the focus is intended to be on the events, the ballad form would have done well. In case of concentrating on the character of the chief, dramatic monologue would do wonders.

Impression of the Idea:

Thematic Suggestion: The poem is built around the fact of European invasion on the Red Indians. It highlighted the depletion of their cattle by casual hunting and the upgraded weaponry as the causes of the mishap. As this is a historical event, there must have been specific incidents and chronicled details to them. The emotional setting of the poem could have been concretized by inclusion of these elements.

Description: The moods of the Chief is described with sincerity and clarity. The scenic setting is painted with broad brush strokes. The depiction of facts are done in the style of a historian rather than that of a poet. Still, the brief sketch of meat rotting in the sun is very realistic and startling.

Style of writing: The style is definitely narrative which interprets the causes of the situation. The tone of rhythmical lament as in a ballad would suit the theme better. Otherwise we have sensed but mostly missed out the pathos.

Kudos and Applauds:

Sincerity of feeling and the sense of injustice.


Areas to work on:A little workmanship on the form will give an edge to the worthy theme.

My favourite expression:

A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title contains an element of surprise. The twisted tale's final sentence justifies it to a T!

Concept and appreciation: A racy moment ending in an instant fatal accident. The driver dies in the act of braking the car to save a child.It is sheer genius to say so much in so short a span. The reference to he 'angels' tell us that the author is satisfied to do a good deed.

Plot: There is only the plot visible as there is little space to flesh out the story. The driver of a fast moving car applies the brake to save a child, meets an accident and dies content. very precise and economical.

Impression of the Idea: OMG! Two planes of consciousness in one swift stroke!

Grammar and vocabulary: Nothing wrong with them. Only 'the car was fast, and the child faster' is a bit too squeezed into the scant scope. It took me twice to see the relevance.

Style of writing: Fast and abrupt, also very confident.

Kudos and Applauds:

The way you clinched the ending.

Areas to work on:None!

My Favourite Expression:

A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title presents precisely the idea the poem is going to elucidate in seven consecutive stanzas. It also cocoons the final conclusion that the stanzas eventually reach. Nice application!

Concept and appreciation: May be I am lucky to be an Indian to detect all the subtle shades of the philisophy we have both been brought up in the light of! I have interpreted your concept in this way.

As you call upon the Inner Entity ("Him"), the reader gets the sole glimpse of the inside truth lying behind the great display of 'shadow' or 'mirage' of one's projected persona. Through the poem the self made up of the body and mind is described as an empty husk. It does not trace a path across the desert of futility, it only 'oscillates' between the extremes, and has no definite 'direction'. The 'bargain' does not stand for the one at the premises of jerusalem. Here it denotes the profit of peace and illumination which our daily give-and-take cannot deliver. The promise of a song is useless when it can never be performed.

If we interpret 'cause of action' as the human race, who are at the vortex of divine activity, the sudden rap of the image 'none to sue' appears unexpected. I do not think it was absolutely necessary either..

Impression of the Idea: The idea of 'eternal journey' reminds me of the 'Pilgrim's Progress'. The 'way' here is not one life only, but several ones. The phrase 'half-baked' also seems shocking, but too appropriate to suggest a replacement. I also acknowledge the touch of bitterness at the hopeless situation. The relative insignificance of a short life is a poignant touch. Reading this poem is an experience like an ablution.{c}

Thematic Suggestion: I would not dare suggest one!Still I would like a stronger reference of the inner peace and joy in antithesis to all this pessimism. You write with power, so it affects one's thought.

Grammar and vocabulary: None found.

Imagery and Pictorial quality: Every line that begins with 'I am..' harbours one image to turn another side of the mindstate. The whole poem thus becomes a string of tell-tale images : the pendulum, a mirage, an unsung number, sultry wind without a promise of rain, a ruined bud, a battered calf savaged by its herd, a zero without a numerical to add value to it and finally a compassless swimmer in a shoreless ocean! All the images appear in an endless line flashing different faces of the same diamond-like Truth. Each of them compare the poet's mental atmosphere in a slightly different light and finally, constitute a three-dimensional impression in the reader's mind.

Finesse of Detailing: Not one shade of the poet's psychological thinking has escaped rendering. It has been a rewarding exercise.

Style: The poet himself specifies the abcb, 7-6-7-6 format. The use of 7 and 6 syllables alternatively has kept monotony at bay and the rhyme scheme keeps time well to the sombre thought pattern. The diction retains flow by not putting in too many polysyllabics.

Kudos and Applauds:

Personally,I admire the 'content' part of writing slightly more than 'form' part. This is your strongest point that what you wanted to convey, you did point blank.

Your riches of imagery and their superb picturesque quality.

The sheer depth of thought.

Areas to work on: Sometimes the words ring out of tune. Please ignore if intended.

My favourite expressions:

I am just an illusion,
A mirage, a shadow.
I am a pendulum that
Oscillates to and fro.
.................................................
I am just a passing show,
I’ll live but a moment.
Of my eternal journey,
This life, is a fragment.



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A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title is the tenor of the poet's seared feelings. It is a perfect match to the subject.

Concept and appreciation: I shall try to interpret your thought behind the poem from my point of view.

The pain in the lines reveal the devatating emotional and physical trauma the speaker has undergone. The brutality of the assault that tears one 'into shreds' cannot be washed away to purify the soul, it becomes a compulsive obsession. The insistence of the memories deprive one of the peace-restoration in sleep. The brises refuse to go because they are branded into the soul. This humiliating experience makes one lose self esteem. The sufferer even considers him/herself to be unworthy of innocent love in future..

Impression of the Idea: The closing warning lays bare all the horror of the situation. It is unbearable because it 'haunts', it keeps coming back like a nightmare.


Grammar and vocabulary:

But for the question mark, the line-endings are not punctuated.

In the line 'They're squeezing', may there be an 'out' after 'squeezing'?

Detailing: The phases of feelings, i.e. the initial daze, the nauseating hate, distress, alienation by disgrace are depicted in meticulous detail. They drag the reader into correlating to the emotional turmoil.

Style : Very personal and forceful. Yet, the poet never slips into jumbled expressions. They remain staccato and disillusioned. A very difficult feat!

Kudos and Applauds:

The intensity of feeling injects a kind of helplessness in the reader also.

The way you have addressed each of the agonies and your unhesitant, clear statements. They are forceful.

Very strong, uninterrupted flow.

Areas to work on: A second time edit will get everything right for this piece.

My favourite expressions:





Please write on!

A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

Title: The title suits the story well.

Concept and appreciation: This is a lighthearted story about finding a nickname for oneself. The writers choose their aliases for various reasons, and this one is a winsome angle of a grandfather wishing to establish a link with his grandson. Thwarted by a possessive grandma, the writer goes a roundabout way to bring forth his assumed persona of a 'shark' and a coveted one of a Grandad.

Plot: The cause and effect relation among incidents bind this feather-weight narrative into one whole.

Impression of the Idea: The little story is well told. I looked again to the handle of the author with a knowing smile!

Grammar and vocabulary: No slips are detected by my prying eye.{/font}

Style of writing: The flow is swift and keeps the amused tone throughout.

Kudos and Applauds:

The sparkling dialogue.

The liquid humour.


Areas to work on: None! But I would have liked it longer and in context to a bigger piece.!

My Favourite Expression:

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