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60 Public Reviews Given
60 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My reviewing style varies. I'll let you know in advance that my reviews aren't merely based on what I feel about your piece. I assure you, I'll be letting you know that, but I'm particularly stringent when it comes to grammatical and technical errors in the pieces that I review. I'm uncommonly thorough, as far as my treatment of each piece that I critique is concerned, and my goal is to help to improve the piece, rather than to "hold your hand and tell you everything's gonna be alright"; which some other reviewers on this site tend to do. To that end, if you're looking for an absolutely honest and serious review, I'm your man. If you like, you can request my appraisal of a short story or essay. I will NOT review an entire book or novel outright, but I'll have no problem what-so-ever in reviewing one on a chapter-by-chapter basis. As a Group Leader of the WdC SuperPower Reviews Group, my reviews will be particularly pertinent, as we're the number one team of reviewers on Writing.com.
I'm good at...
Making sound and logical recommendations regarding sentence, paragraph and overall structure. As regards the more technical aspects of your writing, I can spot and provide suggestions and corrections regarding spelling, the use of punctuation marks and the proper use of paragraphing. Simply put, my overall goal is to help you to perfect the piece you've written. Every writer needs to remember that, to quote John Updike, "Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what it is one is saying."
Favorite Genres
Virtually all pieces of fiction are welcome. My preferences include psychological, historical, romance, mystery, Pulp Fiction and other such works.
Least Favorite Genres
Children's Books; Religious pieces; Horror, slasher or other such gory pieces.
Favorite Item Types
Any engaging works of fiction or theatrical works. Poetry is fine as well.
Least Favorite Item Types
...anything of a self-serving nature. I have absolutely NO interest in your websites or other items designed toward helping you to sell anything...books or otherwise.
I will not review...
...anything of a political nature. Neither will I review anything that would be categorized as being non-fiction, no matter how engaging. Some people say "Keep it real"...but in MY case...don't.
Public Reviews
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, Johnny O, I read your piece, "Words I've Given Have Hit Home". As a songwriter and author of musical theater, I found it to be very impressive, overall. While obviously lacking the melody that the lyrics are written to accompany, they stand out on their own in a very good number of ways. The singer's longing for his long-elusive love are more than palpable, and his words imply that he's waited for many years to find it. He's older, he's heavier...he's tired in general...but that one love...that one true love...still eludes him. It's also clear that he's not talking about a SPECIFIC lover, but a CONCEPTUAL one. As an artist, he's been capable of creating works for which he'll always be remembered...but, in his OWN life, all he feels is a sense of loss that makes him want to forget. Very powerfully written!
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Review of Mountains  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (4.5)
This piece was very well written, Lucy Baker! As a piece free verse, the overall feeling is impressive, in that it instills a feeling of...for lack of a better way of phrasing it...summary acceptance. You've done something that you didn't want to, but felt that you had to, anyway. Now, even though you'd been unhappy in your move in the first place, you've grown to accept and appreciate it, and where you "WERE" has been transformed in where you "ARE". The only correction that you might CONSIDER making would be changing the line "And friendships that'll last years" to "And friendships that'll last FOR years". Either way...a first-rate job, overall! Keep up the good work!
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Review of Hello Love  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was an extremely pleasant piece for me to read, thundering12! As short as it was, it was more than diverting on a number of levels. Your decisions to use an archaic word like 'doth' and a phrase like 'reams of thought' were very well chosen!

The only 'con' that I noted, beyond your misspelling of 'lilies' was that in that same sentence. You'd said 'The lillies come across as tiny buds the leaves begin to unfurl.' Something is missing therein. Either you need to punctuate the sentence after 'tiny buds' and capitalize the following 'the', or make a minor change within the sentence itself, akin to adding the word 'as', to wit: The LILIES come across as tiny buds, AS the leaves begin to unfurl.'

Beyond those very minor points, this was one of the best writings I've read on this site in a long time! Keep up the good work!
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a VERY impressive piece, JoABuilder...a very impressive piece, indeed! I had no idea why Stan was counting those bricks in the beginning...and I had no idea that he was wearing a headset until he got that tinny feedback! Then...wonder of wonders...Stan was on "elf-patrol"! He seemed genuinely disappointed by the fact that the "treasure" he'd been seeking was nothing (to him) more than cocoa for "the Jolly One"! Then that fairy at the end summed up the cocoa's being treasure to the Big Guy...even though Stan hadn't realized it until that one moment! Brilliant!
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Review of You are art.  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a very interesting piece, RDKing! You did a very good job of conveying the depth of your narrator's feelings about the subject of his love. You do an excellent job of describing their belief in the fact that even though all people might not see the person he loves in the same way, she still remains a work of art, open to different interpretations, but a work of art, all the same.

The only 'con' I see is one minor grammatical error. In your sentence 'Oh God, how lucky they are if they see you, the way I see you', the final comma doesn't belong there. With that exception, this is a very well-written piece!
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Review of Aflame  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Well, BLuFeather, I read through your piece, "Aflame". You're seeking an honest review, so I'm not going to tip-toe around. There were numerous...for lack of a better term...errors beginning in your opening.

First off, your first sentence has a glaring error. You wrote "10 feet away, lies a fire". The comma between 'away' and 'fire' doesn't belong there and should be removed. This is followed by your saying 'Near cozy's a small shadow, hidden by the casting shadows of the warm fire'. This description simply doesn't make sense as it's written. You've identified the fire as being 'cozy'...but your sentence, as written, implies that you're using the word 'cozy's' as a noun representing the fire, itself, but it functions as a misplaced adjective.

In the second part of your story, you use the sentence 'In and out of view was the fire; invisible but feelable.' The use of a semicolon instead of a comma is a grammatical error, as there is no prior comma in the sentence. 'Feelable' is a clumsy word, and should be replaced with something akin to 'but still able to be felt'.

The final part of your story, while a little bit clumsy and difficult to follow in its present context has only one error...your use of the phrase 'frecks of amber'. I'm going to assume that you meant to say 'FLECKS of amber', and that this is merely a typo.

Please don't be put off by my review. My only interest is to help you to grow as a writer.
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was an interesting piece, Palegreen95. The approach to the writing was engaging enough, but there were some parts that I felt were...clumsy...but these are minor points that are easily corrected.

A major point to me is that you never identified your relationship with John until much later in the story than you should have. You identified yourself as Jenny's sibling, but don't say whether or not your sister or her brother. You simply but only noted that you had the same mother...and far too late in the story. Personally, I would do so as her sister, as it would help to explain the nature of the character's perspective better, and better explain her less than confrontation view on the story as it unfolded. Doing so makes the character relating the story more sympathetic and add a specific point of view that the reader would better be able to relate to.

Also, I would've said something akin to "While HE WAS working at Hardees, John met MY SISTER, Jenny. She was pregnant...and she was seventeen. SHE'D been molested by OUR brother and had lied about who the father had been. The man WHO SHE'D claimed had been the REAL “father” was an Air Force Airman from Malmstrom Air Force Base right outside of Great Falls, and Jenny had insisted for years that he was the BABY'S “father”, but never proved it." to further the goal of this. It was also never stated that she'd actually given birth to "Timmy", so it leant a bit of confusion as to how many children she'd actually had.

Also...and this is important...you never said at any point that the narrator had gone to live with them. This had been inferred by the content of the story, but was never specifically stated, per se. As writers, we need to assume that our audience needs to have simple facts like this pointed out...because they don't know the story, even though we, as authors, do.

Additionally, the name "Whatcom" is relatively weak for the name of a college, in that it seemed a little off to me, as it caused me to slow down each time that I saw it. I'd recommend changing it to something that doesn't grab the reader's attention as quickly and take away from the general message of the story.

Any other mistakes were basically simple oversights, like your saying "20 Century Fox" instead of "20th", and other grammatical errors. All of these are most likely nothing more than accidental and can be easily fixed.

None of these are unwarranted criticisms and aren't meant to be taken personally. They're simply objective opinions from one writer to another. Beyond those minor details, your piece is generally well-written and has the potential to be very strong, overall. Good luck!!
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Review of Beachcomber  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This was a rather well-written piece, mandyt. It quite adequately expressed the concerned loving that a young man like Dan was feeling, while bordering on the manic needs that showing such strong concern such as he feels for Lisa. All-in-all, a very good work, overall!
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (3.0)
The story was fairly well written, though occasionally clumsy and slightly difficult to read...but only on a technical level. I was still aware of it though, and that took my attention away from the substance of the writing; though only in a slight way. My actual complaint is about the ending. The piece had good structure throughout, but the ending was quite frankly disappointing. Personally, I would've said the following....

"The night came when she felt ready. With great effort, she drew the curtains and opened her window. HER MUSCLES ACHED AS SHE heaved the bucket of water INTO THE ROOM. IT TOOK every bit of energy, but with a groan, she tipped it over the FIRE, EXTINGUISHING THE BURNING logs.

Sighing, she carefully arranged her beaming hair around her face as she lay before the hearth. The moonlight slowly crawled across the floor, but still no knight. Cold and TIRED, the scared woman rose to her hands and knees. With sunken eyes, she watched an orange glow peer THROUGH the seams of her door. The woman pulled herself to her feet and reached for the color. Warmth touched her fingertips, like touching a steaming teapot. It felt good and she wanted to touch more. She pressed both hands against the seams and grinned with relief. But still, she MOVED closer, wanting the warmth on every bit of skin. Finally she REACHED the cold knob. Gently she opened the door and stepped into the light. The sunrise greeted her between the branches and trunks of trees and the morning dew clung to her FEET. With hands spread forward, she tried to catch the warmth and PUT it in her pockets. What was brittle began to mend as she leaned into the beams of sun. She wouldn't know it yet, but the scared woman alone in her home had NEVER NEEDED A KNIGHT TO SAVE HER AT ALL. TRULY, IN WHAT SHE'D THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING TO PREPARE FOR HIM, SHE HAD, IN REALITY, saved herself."
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece was very well written. I enjoyed it immensely, and my mind never wandered at all as I read it. The perspective was very intimate, and began with an "any typical day in Paradise" type of feeling...like the reader was just "hanging out with Adam and Eve". Very well done.
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Review of Loving embrace  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a very nice piece. In your third line, I believe you meant to say "souls inter-twine", rather than "souls inner twine". Some of the meter is a bit clumsy, as well. Overall, even though it needs a little bit of work, you have a potentially well-written piece here.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
This piece was very difficult to follow, throughout. The use of italics, rather than quotation marks was annoying in its own right, but the syntax and spelling errors were well beyond annoying. The basic concept was theoretically a good one, but the execution was awful.
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Review of Mom's Revange  
Review by Giovannius
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
I was absolutely disappointed with this piece. The language was reminiscent of a foreigner with little to no grasp of the English language. Beyond the horrible syntax, even the word "revenge" in your title is misspelled. I'm not sure what you were hoping to accomplish when you posted this piece, but, whatever it was, it's my opinion that you failed to do so.
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I think that your free-verse piece was very good. I believe that you made a spelling error in your second line, in which you wrote "this kiss is forbidden but it taste so sweet". My assumption is that it was meant to be "tastes". I also found the repetition of the word "sweet" a bit clumsy. I'm not sure whether or not you repeated it to imply emphasis, but it diverted my attention to the words, rather than the content. It was a good piece, all the same.
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
I found your "story" a bit perplexing. In point of fact, it seemed more like one line of some other unknown story. I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to convey, but in this case I found it to be more than a bit disappointing.
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You wrote an excellent piece, Princess. Excellent description of the inner workings of a sexy young woman thoroughly thrilled with the whole "role-play" concept. The erotic tension was palpable, and your story was very easy for the reader to feel like they were a part of. Very well done!
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Review by Giovannius
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thought that this was an excellent piece, Tim! I especially like the "child-like" way you used the metaphor of a Pogo stick in reference to your own "stick". The whole poem was playful and romantic, with just the right touch of innuendo. Well done.
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