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861 Public Reviews Given
861 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings,

I’ve decided to give an overall review after completing the story, rather than chapter reviews as I read.

First off, the conclusion wrap up reminds me of E L Konigsburg and her type of stories. She delved into a lot of quite similar issues from the same timeframe which were rather heavier or more mature than the type of things I prefer for young people. Which isn’t saying anything bad about your story. I’m just a bit of a fussbudget. But it was a good story that wrapped up well. I’m glad Caleb is a good guy and I like how things turned out.

I’m considering using an amnesia theme for a short story I’ll be writing for a big project where I have to write stories for each song on an album ("Oh My My" ) The track I would be writing it for is Choke, by OneRepublic… your theme has given me ideas as to how to go about it.

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Also you have a good number of minor typos scattered throughout. And scene dividers should be centered. And paragraphs need a line break in between, especially when juggling dialogue. Perhaps Grammarly would be useful.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
Review of Bunker Kitty  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Wow, what a precious story. A man and his scientist wife and an underground bunker and a cat and a nuclear apocalypse. I can’t help wondering if the cat was the spirit of Heidi returned to let James know that the world outside had somehow been renewed after so many decades. It fits, in a gently humorous way.

I love how tastefully it’s written; one never knows what to expect of someone’s writing style, and this sci-fi type of stuff reminds me of The Martian, which I happened to read years ago because someone left it in a rented room. The Martian was incredibly crafted, brilliant - but I hated the style! The MC had such a crude sense of humor, and every other word was a “bleep!” Those little stylistic details really get on my nerves.

Along those lines, I was waiting for some kind of dark twist or general unpleasantness, and found nothing of the sort. You’ve built a touching story of love, loss and hope with a cool backdrop that has just enough realistic details. I can’t help being a bit curious about the macabre detail of body disposal; it must have been heartbreaking to add Heidi to the incinerator when her time had come. I’m glad he only had a month of suffering before the cat showed up. I love the background that gets incorporated with his memories of life above and the automatic response ingrained during childhood. It’s a very well crafted story. The end has lots of potential for a sequel, or you could leave it the way it is.

I’ll make a couple of formatting suggestions that I tell nearly everyone around here: size 4 Verdana font ensures readability and compatibility across devices, and your genres could be tweaked a little to make it easier to find the story when browsing and also to ensure as many opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award as possible (drop by the port of Lilli 🧿 ☕ for everything you might want to know about our Quills *Wink*) I might suggest using “Sci-fi” instead of “Contest Entry,” which is a dud genre. Also, I think “Drama,” “Relationship” or “Thriller/suspense” might be more suitable as a primary genre than “Comedy,” which for paranoid fussbudgets like me, hints at some cheap crudeness lurking in what I’m about to read. (Can’t always trust people’s self-ratings, and along those lines I might suggest making this one 13+ because of the references to death and destruction.)

I really enjoyed reading this.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review of Margins  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

What a thoughtful poem. I like the bold formatting and the tidy free verse arrangement that carries us through conversationally.

We can see how cherished your antique books are and how much they mean to you by the very fact of your having interacted so closely with the words on their pages. The act of scribbling notes in margins is by no means sacrilegious; many great Bible scholars have vastly annotated bibles in their possession, and it rather indicates a great love for what one is reading and a desire to understand it better.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings,

I figured I’d return the reviewing favor, since you were so kind as to notice my story on the list (October seems like such a long time ago *Laugh*)

This took a couple of reads before I connected all the dots of what’s actually going on, but when I did it became quite interesting. I like the naming device of “Kindman” and his daughter “Kindy.”

The idea of the fae folk setting a trap for the greedy and wicked is quite clever, and the intricacies of the daughter not wanting to lose her father, despite the assumption that he would come back (I assumed at first the daughter was concerned because he would die, and that it was not a good deed) anyway, the development of motivation has potential to go further, perhaps.

As it stands it’s a fun read, with little details that outline the underlying fantasy setting.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

A perfectly written reflection on the aging soldier who carries himself with pride and dignity through the years. It shows him to us with his medals and memories, saluting those who have gone before and pressing forward to honor them.

I enjoyed the tight meter and rhyme scheme; it felt like an old-fashioned type of poem. I spotted the image that’s being used as the line divider; very clever.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Review of UFO  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

A simple and amusing poem relating one’s paranormal experience of a UFO encounter in rhymes.

I noticed right off, you’ve used a very old-fashioned word that’s changed drastically in the last sixty years or so… “queer.” Does it still have the quaint meaning it used to in the UK? If not, perhaps you should consider changing it to “weird,” which would carry the same meaning and approximate rhyme without the potential of misunderstanding or someone being offended.

I see you’ve chosen all three genres, which is always recommended to help people find it when browsing. I might suggest Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and compatibility across devices, and perhaps centered text would look more “poetic.” If you want you could try submitting this to "The Humorous Poetry Contest" , though perhaps you don’t see it as humorous at all… which leads me to ask, is it a true story or simply a tall tale? I almost expected a little green alien to appear and tell you something or carry you off. Without that being added, it could easily be something that actually happened, judging by the tabloids.

The rhyme scheme is unique and engaging, as you’ve creatively matched four lines at a time. This was fun to read.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

It’s amazing how a few simple words can evoke a universal nod of agreement. Nineteen words on three lines, something that feels as if it’s been said a hundred million times over the years, and yet it’s always going to be true and we should remind ourselves of it as much as possible. Your use of the basic concept of money to convey the fact of the value of kindness reminds us of the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I might suggest listing the contest it was written for in a dropnote ▼ at the bottom, and also a word count or line count is needed to enter most contests around here. And you should choose three more relevant genres for the item, even just as practice for more important items. I would recommend “Experience,” “Philosophy,” and “Community,” but there are other possibilities.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review of Her All Along  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A sad poem, with the loose rhyme and repetition of a song. We see a narrator lost in the lies of a would-be lover, wishing things could be better yet knowing they can never be together because he loves another, though likely with as much deceit as is involved here. The punctuation is close to zero, reminiscent of e e cummings or those other poets who played fast and loose with standard rules. Nothing wrong with that; I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, and if your feelings look best arranged that way, that’s perfectly fine. Rules were made to be broken…

You could try submitting this to two of my favorite contests around here, "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" . Neither of these requires a prompt and they accept previously written items. Just be sure to include a line count within your item.

In regards to formatting, I always suggest Size 4 Verdana font. You can use the line of boxes above the text entry form to tidy up your items.

Also, I would recommend you choose two more relevant genres to fill out the item, such as “Drama” or “Experience.” This enables others to find your work when browsing, and also allows for more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Phew. This is one of those poems that leaves me with goosebumps. I wondered at first if it was literally about a dead body in the field, but by the end it becomes obvious that we’re seeing the death of one’s soul by lack of love, a form of starvation you could almost say.

The imagery is concrete and vivid, reminding us of the Valley of Dry Bones, which did eventually get resurrected, but here we see hopelessness rather than the promise of new life. Love bounces blankly off the surface of the field and is reflected in the decay of the bones and lack of affect from whoever is being addressed.

I suggest you should try entering this in a couple of my favorite contests around here, "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"  and "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  Both of these don’t require any prompts and will take previously written items.

I would recommend using size 4 Verdana font to make the words stand out more prominently on the busyness of a typical WdC page, with so much going on in our sidebars. Click on the row of boxes above the text entry form to experiment with different formatting options. If you need any instructions you can click on the question mark box and it will open a useful guide.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
Review of peaceful day  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

You have a lot of potential here to create a powerful story or poem. As it stands, it’s a sketch, a vignette, a sampling of what could be. We see a young lady, lonely, confused and preoccupied, but we know little about who she is or what her background is. There is no point to the story, no beginning, middle, or end. You need the magic formula of “goals, stakes and obstacles” to propel the narrative and makes us invested in the story. We invest in characters because we want to see them grow and change as they overcome obstacles to reach their goals under pressure. I know this sounds trite, but when you stop to think you realize most stories are built this way.

That’s if you want it to be a story. If you’re aiming for a poem, it can be much more simple. Poetry is a highly subjective art form that allows plenty of leeway for creative license. You can rearrange the lines to flow further down the page, add more emotional “feely” words, more atmosphere, more philosophical musings, whatever. If the lady you speak of is similar to yourself, it might come more easily to pour your heart out into a poem than to force the feelings and thoughts into a more “sensible” narrative.

Then again, it’s also okay if you’re just tossing this out as a rough idea to be developed later on.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
Review of Metaphorical Stew  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Oh, boy, what a hilarious way to finish off my port raid! I’m glad I peeked in your “funny folder“… wasn’t sure if there’d be anything within my rating preference, but this is a gem.

Every one of those metaphors was more absurd than the last, and managing to combine them all into a coherent story is quite a feat. It makes me wonder how many quirky metaphors I’ve used and whether I might be guilty of using too many. I remember one story I wrote recently for the latest What a Character… my friend Joey that I told you about “rewrote” the opening scene for me to demonstrate a more vivid and visceral “showing” style, and so I dutifully redid the whole thing, and I’ve been wondering for the past month if I overloaded the “colorful” descriptions while failing to improve the actual character arc or final conflict resolution.

As usual, larger font, but that’s just a space filler. I’m pleased with my exploration within your port; I suppose it wouldn’t be out of place to say I’m being richly rewarded for my efforts by Annette . You’re well aware of the Anniversary Reviews project. This was a nice way to spend my spare time today.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review of Child's Play  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

I love a good poem, and this is one that makes us pause and think. Much has been said over the years about how senility becomes a second childhood, and you have captured that idea and brought it down into a brief, neatly arranged and creatively colored free verse poem.

Despite lacking rhyme, the balance and symmetry of the ideas contained within provides a great sense of structure and carries us through quite well, reflecting the cycle of life in a thoughtful way. So many items of yours I’ve fished out today are quite old. I marvel at your abilities from those early days.

I love the balance of the old and young at the turning point of the imagination and the memory: it becomes quite poignant to realize that we all will head in that direction someday and will find ourselves in need of care from others. I may object to the use of the word “innocent” for old people; in my experience, which is mostly what I’ve read and heard about, being elderly and senile means a loss of inhibitions… but perhaps it comes down to the same thing because they don’t realize what they’re doing is considered taboo. Which is an interesting consideration.

As a casual sort of poet myself, I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, which acts as a vehicle for us to pour our feelings or a creative narrative into in any way we like. I don’t pay much attention to rules of form, syllables and structure, though I probably should start honing my skills and taking those things more seriously.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
113
113
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Ugh, I accidentally hit “load template” on my Review page and lost all that I’d written when the page reloaded. Lesson learned: use the “save and edit” feature often.

Friendship is a wonderful thing that crosses boundaries and barriers to provide a bond that lasts a lifetime, even if only in memories. Even if one of the friends is no longer available, the impact of the friendship on both parties is indisputable. I’m sure it’s nice for you to know that you’re both still present on this site. I’ll have to visit Shannon’s port soon.

This is an excellent personal essay about your early experience meeting someone and forming an online friendship with them based around the project you’ve described. I don’t have much to suggest other than the usual recommendation for larger font size and a word count. I like how you made sure to include a note about the contest it was written for at the top.

I noticed it has a slightly sloppy feeling, which might be hard to pin down. Perhaps it’s the repetition of Shannon’s full name from the 3rd paragraph to the 5th paragraph. But the information builds on itself in a reasonable way.

One of the best friends I’ve met around here is Joey's So Hot He's Melting , who has helped me infinitely in my creative writing exploration. I couldn’t let this review go by without giving him a shoutout.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
Review of Late December...  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Wow, that was quite a tale. I’m glad both you and your grandfather managed to survive your respective snow adventures. I’ve never experienced a whiteout, either, so I can only imagine how terrifying it must be. I have read Laura Ingalls Wilder’s The Long Winter, which describes similar disorienting situations. I noticed you didn’t use the word “blizzard,” which is interesting.

As a personal narrative, I don’t have much to offer in the way of suggestions. Your font size could be larger, and there’s no word count, but those hardly matter. You’ve done an excellent job of showing us the stormy weather and the dangers involved. We marvel at how history indeed repeated itself as the snowstorm engulfed you. It’s a useful idea to use the old song as a hook at the beginning, but it doesn’t have that much of a connection to your story.

I like how you’ve included the contest and prompt it was written for, and I see that the Wings and Roots project is one of the activity goals on your bucket list. But since it’s closed at the moment, it may be a while before you can check it off.

This was a good anecdote, and I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

A simple and charming first person narrative about a chance encounter with a foreign traveler passing through a small American town. The traveler encounters a stoplight and has a minor accident, and is treated warmly and welcomed by the narrating resident.

I love the thoroughly English name you’ve chosen for the visitor, Cedric Hastings. The overall tone of the item is quite realistic, and we almost feel as though it’s autobiographical, but of course it’s just a story.

I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and compatibility across devices. Other than that I have little to recommend, as usual, though the story does feel a bit anecdotal and pointless. But I would feel silly lecturing you on such things as goals, stakes and obstacles when it’s obvious you’re well aware of them. I like all forms of stories, from the down-home anecdote to the fully developed tale with a double character arc and lots of plot and action. This is an excellent vignette of a fleeting afternoon of fellowship long remembered by both parties.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Review of Without Peer  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Ah, we can all wax delightfully poetic about our favorite writing site! This is another great limerick series of yours… (I see it’s also written in Comic Sans font *Wink*)

With lighthearted rhymes and a careful attention to facts, the poem tells the origin story of WdC (you seem to imply that the StoryMaster met his wife after he created WdC, but perhaps I’m reading into it.)

Your structure is flawless, drawing us through the verses smoothly with nary a hiccup of meter. There’s nothing I can possibly suggest about it, except perhaps to make the font size larger. I wish I had enough patience to measure my syllables properly when creating limericks.

As to WdC… we love it or we wouldn’t be here participating madly in these humongous projects *Laugh* I love it for so many reasons… as a young person, I enjoy the social media aspects of the community, and I like being able to post Newsfeed notes, blog posts, share images, and chat in forums, plus create polls and quizzes (which I should definitely do more of; if it hadn’t been for GoT I wouldn’t have gotten around to trying out quizzes, but it’s fun and something to keep in mind.)

Anyway, my reasons for being here are innumerable. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am. This was a fantastic ode to WdC.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review of Safe Again  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

What a touching image we have here in this brief prose poem. A boy's favorite tree is cut down when its time has come, only to be recreated into something new that will last for many generations.

We begin with the onomatopoeia of a buzzing chainsaw, which sets the scene vividly as we see the old tree coming down. Then we see the stack of planks coming together into a new family heirloom, which completes the cycle of life and continues to provide a safe space for the boy to sleep in.

Each word counts towards the whole item, bringing the theme forward with clarity and simplicity. I really enjoyed this.

It’s amazing how much can be done with only 50 words. (Oh, that reminds me, I need to make a note of joining Steven’s “Drabble” activity. 100 word stories, here I come!) I recently had some experience with crafting a 50 word story in the Newsfeed for one of the GoT tasks that someone else had to do, and it was a fun learning session.

You’ve reminded me of the inspiring power of a few words, carefully crafted. I look forward to creating my own brief items in this way quite soon.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review of Caveat Emptor  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Whee! I love a good clean playful limerick, and this fits the bill excellently. Your fast-paced flinging out of advertising slogans had me confused for a couple lines until I realized you were stringing together all the different ones.

And you even very considerately list the sources of such at the end. I remember Mom looking up the vintage "ring around the collar" commercials to regale me with... I think I have personal experience with at least 85% of the rest of those products and slogans. (Grey Poupon was actually one of Mom's favorite mustards in my childhood...)

I don't know if I should complain about Comic font here... For what it's worth, Apple has snubbed Comic Sans, replacing it on their mobile devices (which includes iPads) with some absurdly elegant and spidery script called Snell Roundhand. Perhaps I should bring up this compatibility issue with the StoryMaster, because I looked into it and I think there's a way for him to program the site to display the Apple equivalent of Comic Sans, which they call Chalkboard. As a Purple Case, what would you suggest?

Ok, that wasn't much of a review *Laugh* Great poetry here, with a slightly jumpy rhythm, but it conveys the comedic confusion of sales talk well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Ah, this is an excellent idea, to gather all the little goals of life and put them in a list. It takes a lot of nerve to lay everything out in public for others to see and judge. What if you don't check off all the things you wanted to? But therein lies the challenge, and the accountability, and the fun.

I see the goals are writing oriented, and since this is a writing website that's natural. It's also admirable that you have so many of them checked off. That's a handy place to keep all the newsletters you've written, and I like the tidiness of the check boxes and the way it's arranged.

There are plenty of chances to achieve the rest of your goals around here; I noticed you haven't entered the Official WdC contests yet, or else you haven't checked them off. Also, you should update the link to the "Good Deeds Get Cash!" Sweepstakes, as the one you have in your list is the old version.

I love your goals for recording your family history and interviewing the elderly; those are worthy things to do for posterity. And it's great that you were able to check off the letters to your kids.

I can see that the love of writing is a big part of your life. It's a wonderful formative hobby.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of Little Ships  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

Wow, what a story. Harsh and painful and yet we see the young Frenchman survive, bearing those English boys forever in his memory. The sacrifice and the bonds formed lasted a lifetime and left both the narrator and the reader with a vivid impact. The action is tense and keeps us reading breathlessly to the end. I like the historical setting and the use of specific true events as the backdrop for a timeless war story. It’s amazing how they saved each other in so many ways; you’ve built a finely woven tale that won’t soon be forgotten.

I know this is a question that’s difficult to answer after so many years, but is the cover picture the one that was used as the Short Shots prompt? It hardly matters, but I like knowing what the prompt was. Congrats on the well deserved first place win. The font is large and clear, and I don’t have much to suggest. Perhaps instead of the third genre being “Writing.com” it should be “Action/adventure,” since that seems more relevant to the theme. Also, the scene dividers should be centered. Also a couple of super minor typos:

~ quotation mark left off the end of “Can you get Owen and me inside?
~ I paused and now I can’t find the other one *Laugh* don’t worry, it was negligible.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A nice flash fiction story, with plenty of context explaining the ideas that sparked it. A word count would be nice, as I’m always curious, and if you wanted to submit it to a contest of one sort or another the word count is always required. I like to make a habit of including one in everything so I don’t forget on the important stuff.

I always recommend Size 4 font, and perhaps a font change between the story and the context would be helpful. Or, you could even tuck all the context notes into a click me! ▼ tips and tricks to keep things tidy when working with larger items or smaller ones as well.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review of A bitter betrayal  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, a brief, almost summary story we have here. I might recommend fleshing it out and turning it into a story of the usual type around here, but the matter of fact, newspaper article style feels mythic and like a fable by itself. (One would think “newspaper article” and “fable” were contradictory… *Confused* *Laugh*)

If you cared to turn it into a longer story and yet are unsure how to do so, you could try bringing it into the restricted point of view of the next door neighbor, who hears something at 7 in the evening and then sees the stumbling burglar. We can then get a feel for the situation of the widow and the importance of the family secret recipe through dialogue with her and the police. Then, the surprise of the nephew being the culprit can be brought up as they view the camera footage. Or you could have it from the PoV of the widow, as the police call her in the evening to inform her of the disaster. This unfolding of actual scenes and real characters is what makes a story come alive, going from summary form to vivid tale of personal woe and betrayal.

There’s a lot of potential in this idea you have. Don’t forget to include a word count, and if the story grows, it’s a good idea to use Size 4 Verdana font around here to ensure readability and compatibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

Wow, I feel cold and concerned reading this. I glance anxiously towards the window to make sure the sun is still shining…

A perfect vignette of the consequences of scientific overreach, which, though well meaning, wreaked havoc on the delicate balance of Earth’s climate. It focuses not on some lofty mad scientists in the lab, or on the efforts of others to combat what has happened, but simply tells us about an everyday mother and son whose lives have been forever changed by the loss of spring.

I don’t see much I would suggest changing, except maybe instead of narrating the explanation of why it’s snowing at the end of April, to try and weave it into the story somehow. Perhaps you could have her read the newspaper or turn on the radio and hear a fragmentary mention of the ongoing situation, only to shut it off and retreat into the story of springs past that she is recreating for her son.

This is an excellent story, and I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Review of Take My Hand  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

A classic, old fashioned poem we have here, with quaint phrasing that could be thought of as hopelessly trite and corny, but is heartfelt and sincere enough to make an impact on the reader. I feel as though this was written to be read at a wedding. It would look quite lovely written out in fine script on parchment paper and framed as a memory of the great event.

Your meter flows well, almost prosaic in form, like a letter. It’s even signed at the bottom. And the simple repetition of the phrase “take my hand” throughout adds structure and balances the long lines. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to create as much clarity as possible and help to focus the words against the busyness of the typical WdC page.

I love a good poem, and a sappy love poem is one of the nicest things to read. I always hope that it comes from the heart and reflects a real physical relationship in the author’s life, rather than being merely a product of the imagination. (Which is how I approach songs and musical artists… some, though perhaps talented, don’t really “speak to us” from their hearts, and I avoid artists who are obviously mere commercialists in their trade.)

As a poem, possibly a personal one, I have nothing to suggest for improvement. I’m easygoing when it comes to poetry, seeing it as a highly subjective art form in which one pours their own emotions, feelings, or a metaphorical narrative to create something memorable and meaningful. I don’t fuss much about rules of meter and form, preferring to judge the quality of a piece on an instinctive level.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones" , I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Well, this is an ingenious take on the Dear Me prompt. I like how you’ve made a story out of it, even tagging the judges, two of which I’m personally familiar with as well. This has created a time capsule of sorts, reminding you of your goals and dreams, and showing us how hard you have worked to get to the status you now have in this community.

Your persistence and adaptability in the face of changing circumstances is admirable, and you view your accomplishments in a clear and objective light, without boasting or putting anyone down. Your 2010 goals are clear and simple, and by not setting up specific numbers of certain things to reach as you had the previous year, you have allowed yourself flexibility in reaching them and a certain leeway for figuring out if they were met by the end of the year. I suppose the answers are self obvious in seeing your Purple Case and knowing that you occupy a position of high respect here. But have you had anything published yet? I should check your port and see if you mention your publication status.

As a creative personal essay, there is not much I could offer to correct here. Perhaps you should consider using Size 4 font to ensure readability across devices. Also, you did remember to include the word count when you originally wrote this, right? It would be helpful to keep one close to the top or in the subtitle.

Congrats on the second place win. Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army" 


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