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729 Public Reviews Given
729 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
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Public Reviews
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Review of Home  
Review by
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Aww, this was so nice to read. I really appreciated the buildup to your heartwarming climax. I didn't start guessing until the end, though I suspected it was something of the sort because I've read other anecdotes like it (surely you've read the one where the soldier goes to the hospital to tell the old guy that his son died, and instead he becomes the man's son for a few hours until he passes away? That was a tearjerker...)

Your story feels autobiographical, for either you or someone you know. Taking care of our elderly parents is a privilege we must all have a part of someday, whether large or small, and the ability to live within the same neighborhood as one's parents under medical care is a creative idea.

The little details like the Jeep and the business card add realism to the story.

I always suggest size 4 Verdana font; I read this on my phone, so I'm unaware of your formatting choices. Also, I know it's been a long time, but it would be fun to know what prompt it was written for.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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102
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Hi! I was looking for something rated E in the Comedy genre, and your newly minted tale is right on top. I saw the post by Sophy announcing today’s requirements and couldn’t resist seeing how you did.

When the hog made its way into the smoker, I figured that would be the end of the poor fella… I’m glad your comedic saga turned out well for the hog. It’s a quick, rollicking tale that suits the prompt well.

A couple of typos:

~ “of the park. Park your car” the sentences should be joined by a comma.
~ “must of” I’m uncertain of the tone you’re using here; if it’s a hillbilly speaking, it makes sense, but would they really call Bubba’s a tan brick “establishment?” I’m not feeling a strong Southern accent in the native’s speech, and this grammatical slip up is a little jarring. It could just as easily be an English villager speaking, but the idea of Bubba’s BBQ is distinctly Southern US, and perhaps you missed an opportunity to cultivate a stronger regional atmosphere.

Anyway, enough of that. It was a fun story, brief and to the point. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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103
Review of I Dare You  
Review by
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I found this story in the “by online authors” sidebar and figured I’d already found one good story there today and I might as well read another. This was excellent.

You set the scenes clearly and gave us a relatable handful of kids having an adventure in the summer heat alongside a new highway. I’ve seen many a newly widened road in my day, and I could picture everything well. I couldn’t wait to see if the kid made it out safely, though with the first person perspective we can assume he probably gets out alive. It reminds me of an old short story in one of my literature classes, Through the Tunnel by Doris Lessing. You have brought the same basic idea into a much more modern, simple and interesting tale rooted in accessible reality.

The onomatopoeia of the trucks thundering across the road creates tension and sets up unnerving potential, and the final moments where he says he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy and then insists Danny do it too *Laugh* That’ll be a lesson for Danny boy, hopefully. Your youthful characters remind me of a teen band I put together for a contest entry recently.

A fun and classic story that was a pleasure to read. Your formatting is great, and I can’t see anything to suggest for changing here. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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104
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I don’t usually read horror stuff, but this is for a project, so here I am.

Ugh. You’ve nailed the gory details quite well, portraying the woman’s insanity in unforgettable terms. She does not understand the woman in the mirror is herself, and displays deeply antisocial and psychotic behavior that chills us to the core. One cannot begin to help her or sympathize with her, we just want to hurry past as quickly as possible, which reflects more on my own feelings about such things than anything else.

I don’t have anything to suggest here; no typos were found, and the story pulls us along inexorably to the predictable conclusion (break the mirror, what else can she do?) You have tapped into our deepest fears about self and our interactions with others, and delved into the depths of conscience or lack thereof. A word count would be good at the beginning so we know whether we can read and review in one sitting. I also appreciate size 4 Verdana font.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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105
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Ok, the opening chapter of what appears to be a much longer story. I will try my best to offer advice on this, as I don’t usually read first chapters because they draw me into something that may not ever be completed by either me or the author.

What every good story needs, as Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 will remind you if you send this to his "Crosstimbers Review Request Form, are Goals, Stakes, and Obstacles. You have set up a conflict between the skeptical and busy “nephew” Liam and his eager yet seemingly scatterbrained “uncle” Peter. We are left wondering what exactly “Orgone” is and how it plays into the story, hoping for another chapter where Peter comes into his own properly. The goals of Peter are not quite clear as yet; is he trying to ask Liam for more money to further his strange experiment? Is he looking for a companion to join him in an adventure in a newly discovered dimension? Or is it the potential to make untold millions and he needs a business partner? The stakes are also unclear, as we do not see an unhappy outcome if Liam simply ignores his oddball uncle. Obstacles are quite well defined by the nephew’s preoccupation with business as usual.

There should also be potential for character arcs for both of them, and we do see that in the possibility of them working together on something and becoming a team.

As to formatting, I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Perhaps at the bottom you should let us know if we should go looking in your port for the rest of the story, because it does sound quite interesting despite the vagueness.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Heartg*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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106
106
Review of Soul Mates  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Wow, what a beautiful and heartfelt “ghost” story that perfectly and literally encapsulates the quote which was the prompt. I loved the happy ending that stymied the stodgy egotistical white coat and his students, and the idea of a “mad scientist” reaching out to his true love who has passed away, through research collaboration, is brilliant and unique.

A minor typo:

~ “Flames peaked from under” the word is “peeked” though perhaps you should choose a more ominous word such as “flickered.”

I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You can gather the author’s notes in a dropnote (just open that up for the rest of the sentence *BigSmile*)
Scene dividers need to be centered, and perhaps stars instead of lines would be a good idea.

Aside from that, I see nothing to change here. It’s a memorable, well crafted story that considers the eternal infinity of love and the vastness of an unknown universe in quiet, personal terms of a man and his soulmate coming together at last.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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107
107
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I love a good children’s story, and this is quite nice. You’ve played up all the childish aspects of it and provided us with a perfect limited POV of the little girls as they attempt to solve mysteries from their lemonade stand. I was unsure of how “serious” the mystery would be, and was relieved to see that the kids didn’t actually get involved with anything criminal. I grew up reading Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys, Three Investigators and Trixie Belden, but as I’ve grown up and matured I’ve realized how incredibly dangerous and ridiculous it is to tell kids that other kids have solved big important criminal cases and involved themselves in matters of life and death.

Anyway, it’s an excellent story, full of realistic characters that leap amusingly off of the pages, from the singsong Carol’s mom to the jovial neighbor and his lovable beagle who finds the missing teddy bear. You’ve described everything clearly and vividly in simple terms, and even included a photo that makes me wonder if the story is at all based in real life memories. Size 4 Verdana font would be nice to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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108
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Review of Thinking Spring  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Ah, I adore a good nature poem, and this is lovely. You’ve nailed the meter and rhyme to create something charmingly old-fashioned that reminds me of AE Housman and Loveliest of Trees. The lyrical meter flows through the elegant descriptions and poses an amusing question or two about the coming seasons, and we can’t help sharing in the narrator’s excitement as we picture the loveliness of the green and flowering world. When I was growing up I had a vast collection of poetry that I’d memorized, and if I’d seen this it would definitely have been added to my hand copied gatherings. Speaking of such, it would look quite nice written out in elegant script and printed out to hang on a wall or send as a greeting card. It has that cute Hallmark quality without being overly trite or corny, though some may have a different opinion.

I much prefer poetry that paints elegant pictures to anything else… though I appreciate when people spill out the darker sides of their thoughts and feelings in a poem, I have little sympathy for those who subvert the beauty of the concept merely for the sake of being rebellious or “edgy.” I suppose the same applies to how I think of music and songwriting; my favorite artists balance the duality of the depths of heavier emotions with the elegance and tasteful writing of a more poetic style, while also writing light and lovely songs that reflect the vast spectrum of human experience.

In other words, this is a good poem, and I have nothing to offer in the way of suggestions. Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *Heartg*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Ellipses Eclipsed  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Good grief, that’s hilarious! I love the flow, the whimsy, and the simple truth of the statement. Ellipses are so easy to pop in, and I suppose as a device to hold a spot when you’ve run out of ideas, they’re excellent. But at some point those ideas have to be filled in, or else your editors will be quite upset… *Laugh*

I have problems with using semicolons; in my journaling they’re one of my favorite forms of punctuation. It just seems as though I have a lot of disjointed thoughts that are somehow connected; one wonders if the thoughts are actually connected or if the semicolon is only a semblance of seeming logic stapled into the middle of an interminable ramble spilled across the page. I think at one point someone told me I used them too often in one of my stories; however, I can’t remember which one, or if I took the person seriously or not!

As a rule, I only use ellipses when journaling, as a way of separating thoughts and strolling casually from one topic to another. Ellipses are good in writing dialogue, when indicating a pause or a shift in the mood as someone’s speech trails off. At any rate, this is a great humorous item here. I’m too young to know what you’re channeling and had to look it up.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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110
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for entry "Poetic Form
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Nothing like a nice little poem to read for the 2024 I Write. I’m trying to get this taken care of as quickly as possible in the week so I don’t forget, with GoT going on and everything.

Your eight lines are exceptionally well poised, as we see the structure you’ve employed and admire how you’ve put it to good use. I see how you sort of “ran out of ideas” and used the poetic structure itself as a thing to ponder on and create something that’s not exactly “worthy of note,” but you’re being humble, as it’s pretty creative and adheres to the requirements.

The rhyme and structure is easy to follow, and you’ve expressed a classic feeling here of spilling one’s thoughts upon the page. It reminds me of an old deep cut from OneRepublic, Made For You… (everything reminds me of a song in some way, I’m obsessed with music!)

I don’t have any suggestions to make, because I believe there’s plenty of leeway in poetry for many different forms of expression, and I’m quite laidback about structure and form. Don’t ask me to confirm your syllable counts, nor expect me to advise you on measuring your trochees or iambic pentameter, because I detest that kind of thing *Rolling* I believe poetry is a highly subjective art form, and approach it from a mostly instinctive standpoint. This is good, and that’s all.

Thanks for sharing, take care, and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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111
111
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Oh my goodness, I’m not sure whether to take this seriously as an autobiographical story or assume it’s an exaggerated fiction. It reminds me of the John Ciardi poem, Mommy Slept Late and Daddy Fixed Breakfast. I enjoyed reading the rollicking misadventures of the narrator’s mom as they tried to create edible food. That thing about adding food coloring - blergh *Sick* That reminds me of an old science experiment where they made people sit down and eat in a room where the light was green or red or purple or something, and it made everyone barf because the food looked gross under the crazy colored light.

First thing I would suggest is to not use all caps in the title, as that is considered shouting, and for a child’s voice and POV that would be quite rude. Then, “all of the things that was on the list” should be “were on the list.” Then, a word count would be nice to have, as I believe this qualifies as flash fiction. You can also center and underline the title heading.

Everything else is fine; you’ve captured the simple voice of the child quite well as they tell the absurd tale, and included plenty of concrete details that show us the situations.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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112
112
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


A dreamily descriptive poem we have here, flowing smoothly and freely along as it muses about the mysterious and beautiful figure strolling through your dreams. It feels almost as though this figure is your muse, one who inspires you to create and stirs your imagination. I enjoyed the way you write about the floors and the lines and everything; your symmetry is pleasing to read as you move from verse to verse.

I would suggest centering and underlining the title header, and also using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Adding a line count is also a good habit to form, in case you would like to enter any of the various poetry contests around here.

I don’t have much else to offer as suggestions, especially for free verse. I view poetry as a highly subjective art form, a vessel for us to fill with words forming our hopes, dreams, and emotions, or telling a created narrative, or anything else, in whatever way we choose. I’m unqualified to advise on structured poetry, as I detest counting syllables and measuring meter. Instinct is my main tool I use to consider others poetry and create my own. And my instinct tells me this is a good one.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of The Coffee Monkey  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

I’m so sorry, I almost completely forgot about this review request! Thank you for asking.

An enjoyable, folksy anecdote about your family and the morning coffee routine. I don’t see a whole lot to correct, though perhaps “It was a puppy and we are its first owners,” could be reworded so that the tenses agree. Also, it’s a bit of a ramble… there isn’t a whole lot of “point” to it, as we wonder if it will be a satirical sort of story or simply a lighthearted anecdote. But not all tales have to have a “point…” I guess I’m thinking of the oft-repeated short story triad of “goals, stakes and obstacles,” which doesn’t really apply when telling a “front porch” personal memory. It was fun to read, and I can’t think of anything to say that you should change.

Morning coffee, kids and dogs is a universal and relatable sort of experience, and we can all chuckle at your “training” as a dutiful husband. I’m glad you have a satisfactory marriage. A word count would be nice to have in the subtitle, as this looks like it counts as a “flash” story. Formatting is excellent; perhaps you should underline the title heading.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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114
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Review of Checkmate  
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

An interesting story we have here, with the two separate perspectives set off in alternating italics. I thought it was quite interesting, but it wasn’t exactly a mystery so much as a paranormal genre type. The use of the chess theme was a thoughtful technique; I’ve always liked chess. You have portrayed Mrs Richards sympathetically, and we don’t feel particularly disgusted at her actions, nor distressed by the ultimate outcome, though it’s understood that the last years of her life that should have been a release were actually a torment because of what she had done. The elements are set out well, with the checkmate and the missing piece, and your descriptions of the scenery are visually appealing.

In formatting, a word count in the subtitle or right at the top of the item would be useful in determining whether one has enough time to read and review in one sitting. I always recommend size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Other than that, the story is quiet and easily understood, and I enjoyed it and have nothing to suggest by way of correction. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I’m stalled on Door 9 because I think I’m going to try to combine it with the Quotation Inspiration (good luck doing that *Laugh*) so in the meantime I decided to collect the five reviews in the Mystery genre for Door 10, and here you are! I set my search to 13+ and this showed up. Your twinkling AI picture is inviting, and I hopped right in to see how you handled this prompt.

A sweet story about a little girl and fairies. We see her excitement at catching lightning bugs and her desire to keep them, and then her discovery that they’re actually fairies is well portrayed. It was a good idea to add urgency by making one of them fall ill, and Andrea’s kindness in setting them free is a relief.

I found a typo at one point: “which her snapping her head” there should be a “had” in there between “which” and “her.” Other than that, everything is perfect: the font size, formatting, genre selection, prose, etc. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to browsing more of your collection for this project, if I ever have the time and energy… Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Created for an activity
"The WDC Angel Army


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
116
116
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Oh my, this was adorable! Traveling space rabbits with a cliffhanger ending! How did this not win the day’s contest? Nuff said…

I loved every bit of it: the captain, the ensign, the way their characters meshed, the descriptions, the rollicking tale of disaster and adventure across the galaxies to a place that looks suspiciously like the Third Rock From the Sun… it would make a cute opening chapter for a children’s book series. I wonder how many people ever get really good ideas from the Writers Cramp and go on to make larger works out of them.

Your formatting leaves nothing wanting: large clear font, a tidy drop note (with a cute title, I might add) and three relevant genres. There are contests that will take previously written stories under 2000 words; I keep forgetting to submit my own hodgepodge to them, what with all the other activities around here. Let me fetch the link… "SENIOR CENTER FORUM, a spot that I should visit each month with whatever story didn’t place in the previous month’s official contest *Laugh* Thanks for reminding me.

I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing and have fun writing *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Ok, my first thought as I read this is “this won the Writers Cramp?” I didn’t find it particularly appealing to my own personal tastes at all. Bleh.

But enough of the subjective! You wrote with strong visuals and engaged all our senses, building a fantasy world as good as any other out there. We don’t have any further details than what we need to move along this particular moment; the goal of what exactly they were trying to accomplish is left unexplained to focus on the deception and the variety of colorful and peculiar characters. My favorite was the big green giant who wanted to hang out with the trees; I had a lot of sympathy for him. I chuckled at the diversity of the bunch, including a lady monk, who is pretty much nonexistent in actual history. I’d like to see more with those characters, actually… I think it’s just the piddling details of the dung in the city and your chosen vocabulary that put me off at first.

Which reminds me, if you’re going to use the word sh*t it needs to be rated 18+. I’m no ratings police, but I like to let people know before a moderator does. Also, you can add two more relevant genres to the item. I would recommend “Drama” and “Folklore.” Adding genres helps to increase visibility when browsing and adds more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

Thanks for sharing , take care and keep writing!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

Whoa, this was good. When I saw the Dark genre and the way it was headed, I didn’t know what to expect. Usually when stories are dark here, they’re dark. But you’ve brought a soul shaking relief to the end of the story, as we see Caitlin peacefully giving up her life for the little girl to have her mother back. I don’t want to wax too “Christian” on anyone here, but this is a fine example of a parable or metaphor inspired by and pointing to the great sacrifice of Jesus. The sacrificial element is a classic and memorable staple of good stories for a reason.

You’ve brought together eeriness, danger and surreal elements like a mysterious underwater being to create a world that could easily be a short movie, with strongly visual elements that draw us in and keep us looking forward to what happens next. Your prose is clear and simple, and I see nothing to correct or suggest to change. As a story written for a contest, it takes up the prompt excellently and creates an unforgettable moment. I almost cried at the end, in a good way.

Now that the contest is over, you can add a third genre to it. I would suggest “Death,” but there are other possibilities.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Batter Up!  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
A simple and somewhat predictable story of kids running amok in the good old days. I see it’s most likely autobiographical, and I admire your forthrightness in writing something of the sort for a flash fiction item. Yours is the only one I’ve seen today that wasn’t part of a larger item to hold all the GoT stuff that’s presumably going to accumulate over the month…good heavens, this is turning into a long month!

You’ve set the scene well for us, showing us the houses going up and the wasp’s nest in the bush. I held my breath as Mikey came so close to getting stung to death… I hope Pete wasn’t stung too many times, since he ended up being the one without the shirt. A quick tale of friendship and foolishness that suits the prompt well. Yours is one of only two today that aren’t about dragons, which I find refreshing… sometimes it seems as though there are just too many dragons on this site *Laugh* But whatever. I have no suggestions for anything to change here; you could do with a couple extra commas, but I never fuss about that.

Thanks for sharing and have fun writing!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Oh, this was cute and fun. I love how you drew in the other members of your team without actually tagging them. It’s always good to have a bunch of names you can use for characters.

Your vivid descriptions bring the story to life as we excitedly read through to see whether it becomes a disaster or a success. They arrive alive, without the treasure they had hoped to confiscate, but with a valuable lesson and a story to tell.

I appreciate the large clear font you’ve used, and I have no suggestions for improvement. You made a perfect little story using the prompt phrase. I love how everyone has managed to come up with stories that are almost the same basic themes, but at the same time each reflecting their own writing tendencies and habits and styles. It is easy to brush off flash fiction as not worth bothering with, but I can see it’s taken seriously by you and your team. Remember the classic triad of goals, stakes and obstacles; one may not think such things matter in a brief story, but they do make all the difference.

Thanks for sharing and have fun with this activity!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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for entry "A Final Decision
Review by
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
Bleh, the desperation of the desire for freedom. Vividly painted in harsh scenes I’d rather forget as quickly as possible, I’m glad it was only flash fiction. You’ve done your job well, making a vaguely GoT flavored item that could just as well be anything else.

What can I say? You’ve encapsulated everything in a fleeting, memorable snapshot. I call to mind Max Griffin’s favorite formula of goals, stakes, and obstacles, and I can quickly see that all three of them are laid out here, however briefly. The resolution is quick and hopeless, and there’s no need to drag it out any further.

A good job using the prompt phrase, and I like that you remembered to add it in at the bottom. Do you ever go back to a flash fiction and add to it, or take the idea you’ve made and use it in a longer work? One can perhaps use these somewhat annoying flash fiction challenges as a way to collect ideas for bigger stories or even novel concepts. One could make a collection of ideas that way. The prompt phrases are usually vague enough to allow a lot of room for things you may already have in mind.

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review of Targaryen Musings  
for entry "Dragons on High
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Ah, a nifty story we have here. It’s not too steeped in GoT lore for an outsider to understand. A simple premise: two guys heading for the gold don’t expect a dragon to be guarding it! Your descriptions are clear and help us to envision the scenes well, without overstep the word count. I like the dialogue between the two, rather than just a dry narrative or a first person inner dialogue. This helps us stay engaged… although the story is over quickly anyway.

Are you planning on a series of stories? Can we do that, or is it going to be a disjointed hodgepodge as we continue down the GoT journey? Whatever happens, it looks like we’re all as well equipped as we could expect. I have nothing to suggest for corrections for this; seeing as that it’s flash fiction, you’ve done well in creating a brief snapshot of action and tension. The smell of brimstone is a grim warning, a foreshadowing of what we find at the end. Remember the magic triad of goals, stakes and obstacles to make your stories pop, no matter how brief.

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
I enjoyed reading this recap of basic story writing info. It's relevant to anyone who writes stories of anything longer than flash fiction.

I know from personal experience that the rewriting is the most important part of getting a story out there. Four times now, my good friend Joey has helped me rebuild stories from scratch, often taking whole paragraphs and rewriting them in his distinctive style to show me how to make a more vivid showing tale rather than a dull, predictable narrative.

Characters are crucial to any story; as Jack Tyler, another writing friend, likes to say, the characters are the engine that drives the story. A flashy story will fall flat if the characters aren't strong enough, but good characters can help along a thin storyline.

And Max Griffin always reminds us of the three most important things that draw people into a story: goals, stakes and obstacles. This precious triad is like a magic formula; if you can figure that out in such a way as to bring true depth and a strong character arc to the story, you've done well.

Thanks for sharing these helpful tips with us. I'll keep them in mind when I write my next story of any substantial length.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

I assume this is the story you were writing for last month’s What A Character contest. I hope it’s ok if I review it for you, because I did write one of my own, and it’s somewhat similar to yours (weird fun fact: mine is about a teenage garage band… when my good friend Joey scribbled his own version of the opening of my first draft to show me how to make my writing more “showing” and “colorful,” he made up a random title of a song the band had written: Cool Running! I had never heard that phrase before and thought it was just some silly thing he came up with to sound modern and hip. When I saw it in your story, I looked it up… and all the pieces of what you did fell into place quite cleverly, with the names and the Jamaican characters and all. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t bother including that “song title” in my final draft…)

Ok, I’ve managed to say nothing about your item *Laugh* I found this an enjoyable read with a happy ending. I love the cultural theme and the way you’ve set it up in California with the friendly Jamaican cousins. Derice’s determination to “make it big” before he marries Barbie is admirable, and I relate to Junior’s laidback attitude. No hard feelings arise between them as the contest turns out unexpectedly, and they can use their winnings to keep things going quite nicely for everyone.

Your writing flows smoothly and carries the story along quite well, as we wait for Junior’s chili to be appreciated by someone in the shadow of Derice’s jerk. I’m not going to fuss about the font you’ve used; you can see my recent newsfeed post with screenshots if you’re interested in knowing why I might not always like using Comic font. Perhaps the contest expects us to include the prompt at the bottom; I’ve included it in mine in a drop note with the word count. Congratulations on having 250 words left over! One concern when writing these contest entries is that I’m making the best use of the word allotment without going over.

Best of luck on your entry, and don’t forget to add a third relevant genre to the story when the judging is over. I would suggest “Regional” because of the California vibes.

I enjoyed reading this. Take care *HeartG*

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called "Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*
*CakeB*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


What a beautiful story! I love a charming fantasy like these, with animals and fairies. You have painted a wonderful picture of love and heartache and relationship without too much drama. I do see an inconsistency in that the underlying conflict was not originally laid out at the beginning. When the rains came and the land sprouted anew, it came as a surprise because we were not told that the land was under a desert curse. Also, the Queen’s apparent lack of empathy for the feelings of others should be explained a little more so we can sympathize with her. You could say that she learned to numb and suppress her own feelings because everyone blamed her for the tragedy of the curse, or something like that. I don’t know how that could be understood from the limited perspective of the boy Marsden, but since the word count is beside the point now that the contest it was perhaps written for is long gone, you can feel free to restructure and tinker with it as needed.

Also, I looked up the name Marsden, and as far as I can tell it has nothing to do with being born singing. But since it’s a fantasy story anyway, it hardly matters. Also, for that matter, the name Queen/Lady Victoria is a little confusing. Perhaps a couple of new names would be better.

I always recommend using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices and ages. Also, it would be nice if you had remembered to include a drop note with specific contest info, such as why the opening and closing lines are in bold (I assume that was the contest prompt requirement, but being a newbie I haven’t yet seen a contest that asks for a specific opening and closing. That’s a good idea.)

Ok, that’s all I have to say about this lovely and satisfying story. Thanks for sharing and take care *HeartG*


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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