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1,238 Public Reviews Given
1,241 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
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Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
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AI Generated Content of Any Kind.
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NSFW or AI generated content. Please do not send me anything that comes back from QuillBot AI detector as more than 25% AI generated. I will check and decline it.
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this on the Random Read and Review button. It delves into your reasons for writing poetry, bad or not, and philosophy on life, while participating in the Express it in Eight challenge.

I see you express yourself well and simply; poetry is a release of emotions, an expression of frustration at the world around us. The abandonment of rhyme and meter allows us to express ourselves more fully and relatably without being trite or limited in any way. I strive for a balance between my use of rhyme and my use of free verse in my poetry, though I find it usually leans towards free verse, of the loose and easy "stream of consciousness" sort.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

We meet again, this time via the Random Read and Review button. An amusing tongue in cheek dream of a loser with aspirations... (I'm afraid I'm using the same vocabulary I used yesterday...)

We all chuckle and shake our heads at the weird stuff which passes for "artsy" movies, and I know I've puzzled over a few Wikipedia plotlines before giving up on such pointless rabbit holes. As one who guards my cultural inputs for various psychosocial reasons, I don't watch movies at all, actually.

You paint a quick and well-told vignette, and the only thing I would suggest is, again, to choose three relevant genres to help people find your work (though I must say you pop around on my sidebars quite a lot regardless...)

The opening lines feel almost like it's going to be a rambunctious sort of poem, which would be a fun way to reshape this if you were interested.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Philip, and welcome to writing.com!

First off, I’ll admit I’ve spent the last week or so cautiously poking through your port and googling your name. I see you’re a published poet, and a fairly well-established writer in your own right, so I wasn’t sure if you’d want me reviewing one of your items and blathering on about “slice of life” and “kitchen sink drama” and references to Waiting for Godot and the absurdist playwright movement…

This story caught my attention as something other than what I’ve seen from you before, because it appears to be about a guy who spends his life continually pulling himself back from the brink of extinction and wondering why he’s bothering. He struggles with issues which one may dismiss as childish, and I’m not sure how much of it is tongue-in-cheek parody or if it’s seriously a message of some dreary hope at the end of a very long tunnel. Your writing style is down to earth and ironically poignant, drawing your characters with simple, realistic honesty as we wonder how much of what you tell us is vaguely autobiographical or written from experience. You must be a great observer of humanity, picking up on people’s small foibles and greater issues and bringing them to us in stories that are half sympathetic and half amusement.

This particular story shows us someone who isn’t quite sure what to do with himself, but he’s aware he has issues and he’s trying his best to keep them down, which in itself is admirable. One may question if the world would be any worse without this fellow, but I can’t help getting the uneasy feeling that his story is very much like mine. Someone who has spent their entire life running away from the big issues and distracting themselves with trivialities which they’ve convinced themselves are the most important things in life, only to realize that someday everything they’ve been hiding from will come back and eat them alive… phew. So yeah, I guess I would call this relatable *Laugh*

As far as improvement, well, you’ve done a great job painting your word picture, and since you’re a pro with a knack for earthy, pithy, darkly humorous wisdom, I won’t say anything about “goals, stakes and obstacles” or whatever I usually spool off for people. I would suggest, however, that you take the genre selection more seriously, as that’s a crucial aspect of helping people find your items when browsing. More importantly, three relevant genres gives you as many opportunities as possible to be nominated for the yearly Quill Awards, which are highly valued around here. Visit the port of Moderator Lilli ☕ Author Icon for more info on those *Smile* I would suggest “Philosophy,” “Satire,” “Drama,” “Psychology,” “Self-help,” “Dark,” “Comedy,” “Community,” “Family,” “Relationship,” or even “Experience” or “Personal.”

Take care, thanks for sharing and by all means keep writing *HeartT*

*GemV* *Angel*




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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Curtis, and welcome to writing.com!

I’ve taken a gander through your port, and I understand you are creating vignettes for the purpose of exploring your character for a future novel. This is a nifty thing to do, and something that I personally do in my head all the time when I’m preparing a story. They always say there is far more to every character than what is seen in the final story. You’re allowing us to get to know Caleb right along with you, before the drama starts, and it’s quite enjoyable. He seems like a charming, humble and well-intentioned guy, and I can’t wait to explore his character further as he engages with his world. (Oh by the way, the word is “piques” his interest *Smile*)

Now some basic tips on how to guide Caleb through novel adventures… I’ve learned you need three elements to make a good story: goals, stakes, and obstacles. Give Caleb something he wants, a goal, a task, a journey to set out on, some hopes and dreams and motivations. Then add stakes: what happens if he doesn’t reach his goal? What is the cost of failure? And obstacles, of course, provide the tension that keeps us interested and engaged.

Conflict arises when an antagonist appears with a set of goals which interferes with those of the protagonist, in any number of ways. And there should always be both an external conflict and an internal conflict; Caleb needs some flaws, some doubts, some emotional turmoil, a tragic backstory even, to keep him well-rounded. This also helps ensure he has a character arc, meaning that by the end of the story he should have discovered something important about himself and the world around him, which relates to the overarching theme of the story.

Also, if you’re writing a novel, one of my mentors tells me “while the main characters are wrestling with the wolf at the door, there’s always going to be rats in the basement!” You should add micro conflicts and extra fuss that threatens to distract Caleb from what he’s trying to achieve, while still relating in some way to the bigger picture. This will help to flesh out your novel and keep it interesting and possibly add comic relief, depending on what’s happening.

Ok, this is quite a bit of info… *Pthb* I hope I’ve been of some help to you. I’m looking forward to seeing what else you create for us. This has lots of potential!

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

*Gemv* *Angel*


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Review of Vic's Escapade  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

I see you wrote this for the Flash Fiction Challenge a while back. You’ve used the prompt words creatively to write a fun and engaging story with just enough tension to keep us reading. I love flash fiction, it’s like fast food; easy to read and quick to get over with. The situation is tense yet absurd as we end with Vic wondering how he’ll get out from hiding behind the guy’s car… *Laugh*

I can’t think of anything to suggest for improvement here; you’ve got good formatting, three genres, and a story that has essential elements of conflict, humor and whatever.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Jeepers, what a story. The monster under someone’s bed comes to life and falls in love with the person he’s supposed to be… eating the nightmares of? An interesting symbiotic relationship could be seen, if not for the interruption of discovery. We are left hanging as to the ultimate resolution, due to the epistolary nature of the story, and I think that’s pretty cool. You’ve also kept the rating low, to my relief, as I found this on the Read a Newbie sidebar and didn’t think to check before I hopped into it.

The character development is charming and unexpected, as we see the weird situation playing out with vivid, lively descriptions and engaging moments of almost humorous tension. I’d love to have a sequel to see if they made peace with each other or if something else happened.

My first suggestion would be to familiarize yourself with the line of editing tiles above the text entry box; there you can adjust font size and style to create a more open and engaging reading experience. I like Size 4 Verdana best *Smile* A word count is also a great idea at the beginning of the story so we know what we’re getting into. Also, this is nifty enough that you may want to enter it into a couple of contests around here: "Senior Center Forum" Open in new Window. and "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" Open in new Window. as well as "Twisted Tales Contest" Open in new Window.. The Senior Forum requires under 2000 words.

Aside from formatting, I can’t think of anything I’d improve on here.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of The Fluttering  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!

Wow, this was funny *Rolling* Every word had me stifling a chuckle as the goofball characters swatted at each other and panicked at their absurd circumstances like something from a TV skit. The ending was quick, simple and hilarious… and you actually left us hanging, because how did either of them get off the spaceship or back to Earth? That only adds to the goofiness of the whole thing. The names, the characterizations, the bird-people aliens, and the extraterrestrial misunderstanding of Valentine’s Day all added up to the most amusing thing I’ve read in a long while… and rated safely, too *Wink*

I’d love to know what prompted this, if anything: was it a Writer’s Cramp, perhaps? It’s always a good idea to have a word count at the top of the item. Otherwise I see nothing to improve on here; it’s a fine jolly ride and a nice little thing to read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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for entry "And again" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings from I Write in 2024!

Well, I was quite surprised to realize you’ve emptied your book of poetry for the new year… but I’m happy to see you transferred them all into a giant compendium for safekeeping. That’s a creative way to approach the awkwardness of having so many little poems building up year after year. Also, of course, Lilli wants a clean slate each year *Laugh* I’ll have to budget some GPs for a fancy award on mine… yours look lovely and are well deserved.

I like the gently circular and lyrical feel this piece has. You have a nice way of writing simple poetry which means a lot without going to any great effort. I mean that in a good way… I have a tendency to spend very little time on my own poetry, preferring to get it out in an almost stream of consciousness way rather than fussing over meter and rhyme. I feel like it’s closer to my heart that way, less trite and more honest.

We can see here the theme of endings and beginnings being so closely connected and never ending, and it reminds me of the sunrise and sunset… which now reminds me of the *Think* *DragonHead* *DragonHeadB* album Loom, where the artist delves into the beginnings and endings of his life stages and realizes that endings are really just beginnings… *Pthb* Anyway, I like this poem. Life is a cycle of events which all have an element of start and stop in them, and we have to focus on the future without becoming lost in the past while at the same time respecting the wisdom of those before us.

Have fun with your Promptly Poetry project this year! I’m loving it so far for myself *Delight*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Find A Yellow Car  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Deepak, and welcome to writing.com!

What a charming and relatable anecdote you’ve shared with us. An anxious parent fretting about work and everything they need to do and being caught up in an unhealthy mental loop, finds peace and mindfulness with the help of their young daughter as they ride to school together each morning.

I love the simple and straightforward way you’ve described the situation and the way you were focusing on thoughts that were “ninety percent useless” most of the time. The word “preoccupied” comes to mind. And the way you’ve drawn the conclusion which frames the story and leads us to a deeper realization of mindfulness is nice: “find your yellow car and get more points” *Smile* And the practical understanding of writing down everything which has to be done, rather than frantically thinking about it all day, is also super helpful.

Formatting wise, I always suggest using Size 4 Verdana font for an open and engaging reading experience, and ensuring you have a word count at the top of the item. The font size can be found at the top of the text entry box, in the line of tools. Line spacing between paragraphs and dialogue is also recommended for ease of reading. Perhaps adding a simple cover art of a yellow car would add an enticing touch to the way it looks before one decides to read it. Some minor grammatical things could be improved, but the overall effect is heartfelt and sincere.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *HeartT*



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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Whee! What a wild story. I sympathize with Ryuk for saying it sounds like a novel. How could he listen without his head going *Mindblown*...

Now I'm intensely curious, as it appears you have set up an epic fantasy which could go on for many, many chapters. There is so much to be done here and so many threads to weave together: what is Ryuk's backstory? How did he know to call Rin Catherine without her full name ever having been mentioned? Didn't she realize this herself at the moment? Or was that a mistake? Who is the mysterious figure who was listening? Is it an enemy, a friend, something else? Where is Bob? Does any of this connect to anything else in Ryuk's life, such as the constant rain and the friends who were bullies?

And I should tell you something about point of view. Maybe if this is going to be an epic fantasy of several volumes like Harry Potter or something, it doesn't matter so much, but around here and on a smaller scale we like to emphasize using just one point of view, focusing on on the experience as seen by one main character only. Meaning if Ryuk didn't turn around and see the mystery figure in the tree himself, then we didn't see it either, you know? This is called the third person limited point of view... You can read a few articles from my friend Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon on the subject of using this perspective properly. It has the benefits of rooting us firmly in time and place without feeling like we're getting a "50,000 foot" view as told by an all-seeing narrator. We get the ground level view of what's happening as if we are the main character, without it having to be in the first person.

I'm really enjoying the story so far, and the twists and turns and exciting backstory of Catherine which you've put together promises us a fantastic journey through a world of magic and high stakes adventures.

Let me know when you add more to it, and I'll be happy to share my thoughts. I hope I've been of some help to you so far; I'm not the greatest reviewer on here, but I share what I've learned from others.

Take care, thanks for sharing and by all means, keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

*Gemv* *Angel*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, these bite sized pieces are easy to read and keep us wanting more, certainly. You've succeeded in throwing together so many weird anomalous events, it's hard for us to keep track of them all: too much rain, a missing student, bullies suddenly becoming friendly, the father still out there somewhere gleefully buying cat treats for a cat lady who we still don't know who she is or why she's there... Phew!

All this is perfectly fine to keep a story rolling with, but at some point you need to start drawing the threads together and connecting the dots, if you'll excuse the idiomatic phrases. You need to show us how all these things connect to each other and what the significance is for the boy and the girl.

Is there a grand mission approaching them? A seeking after something? A thrill of a chase or a hunt or some marvelous discovery? Remember, we like hooks, but they need to lead somewhere. You should prepare a timeline for your own use as you write, to ensure you draw the story along at a proper pace and begin to explain things for us, and also to make sure you don't have any significant plot holes of some details you forgot by the end of the story.

I can't wait to read the latest chapter. And I'm definitely hoping you keep us posted with more episodes of this tale. It's quite a ride and I'm fully invested in your shy and unhappy main character. I'd love to learn more about the mysterious and beautiful cat lady who befriends him, and the strange things that bring them together and push between them.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Ah, this is an amusing twist. I remember one of my mentors likes to say that when you're writing a novel or a longer story, you should remember that life is not simple: there's never only one complicated thing the heroes have to deal with. "While they're wrestling the wolf at the door, there's always gonna be rats in the basement..." I think that's a good paraphrase *Laugh* So I see that while Ryuk is trying to figure out what in the world is going on, things are complicated by his father innocently assuming it's a real cat that he once knew. Excellent!

For a moment I thought maybe the father was involved in some sinister way. Perhaps Ryuk's home life isn't as bad as I'd thought? But he's definitely lonely, and the cat lady is setting up to be a charming companion for him, if they can ever have a quiet moment together! Is she going to be a sister or a lover, or simply a loyal friend? You need to make this decision for yourself so you know what you're writing, but I'm sure you already have the relationship parameters in mind.

As before, I'm excited to see what happens next. So far this is quite the story.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Good work keeping the suspense rolling with this chapter, as we see more questions and no answers in sight. You've ended with another cliffhanger, which is always recommended.

I'd like to tell you about a technique we use to help us think about and plan our stories. We set out goals, stakes, and obstacles for the main character. The goals and dreams and hopes of the MC set the story rolling, and the stakes of what happens if he doesn't achieve what he needs to accomplish, provide tension as the obstacles get in his way. This is a simplistic method of ensuring you have enough plot to keep your story interesting.

The MC should also have a character arc, meaning he deals with an internal obstacle (fear, pain, past trauma, flawed behavior, etc) as well as the external dilemmas which move the story forward. By the end of the story, he should have learned something important about himself and the world around him. This ensures we have a character deep enough for us to be engaged with and cheering for as we continue reading.

Perhaps you should include the note about how you've translated the story at the top of each chapter, since people often find random chapters of stories on their sidebars and don't necessarily read them in order or even more than one chapter at all. It's always best to ensure important information like that is presented to everyone who finds the work. People are sensitive about the use of AI, and some might be upset with you if they spent time reviewing it without knowing the language is not your own.

This is a great story idea here, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Ryyth, and welcome to writing.com!

I think I'll try reviewing each chapter separately for you as I read them... I remember reading this story in its earlier incarnation and being unsure of how to approach advising you on it.

Your beginning is vivid, drawing us in quickly and portraying the difficult, lonely world of the main character. We see the schoolyard, the bullies, the mysterious dreams, and the chance for a major turning point ends this opening chapter quite well.

I'm proud of you for letting us know how you've crafted the story, originally in your native language and then using AI to translate and share it with us while you improve your English skills. It would be dishonest to let us assume this is how you write, and we would waste time pointing out little flaws in grammatical presentation.

As it stands, this is a great opening. From what I remember, I think your MC (main character) also had a difficult home life, with an abusive father and perhaps a missing mother. You could include elements of this in the opening as a foreshadowing of twists to come and also as an emphasis of how truly miserable and hopeless he feels his life is.

I look forward to reading the other chapters and finding out what happens next; you've improved the flow of the plot since I last read it, and it's becoming a tense and exciting tale with lots of potential for growth.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and Happy Account Anniversary!

I haven’t met you yet around here *Smile*

I love a good flash fiction story: they’re so easy to read, like fictional “fast food” *Laugh* You’ve set up a realistic situation here with a touch of fanciful fantasy which any fellow campers would find hard to believe. The way the two worlds meshed with the connecting link of the hat is ingenious, although I did feel bad that she peremptorily tossed it into the campfire when she got back. I mean, she just lost the only bit of evidence for the validity of her tale. But whatever *Laugh*

I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to make it look more important and interesting on the page. Also, two relevant genres to complete the set is always recommended to help people find the item when browsing. I would suggest “Environment” or “Drama” or “Nature” or “Mythology.” Also, I noticed you used the word “area” twice in the first two sentences, which is usually not recommended. Always best to find a different set of descriptive words *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *GemV* *Angel* *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

This was a surprisingly fun and amusing story, written in the limited third person point of view of a veteran who needs a pair of legs and has to try and finagle them from the medical institution. I love how it’s set in a fictionalized world which feels like a gentle parody of the absurdities of war and post war in the real world. Your main character has a sense of humor which keeps the tone fresh and cheeky, and you’ve captured the sense of friendship and camaraderie which remains steadfast among veterans, no matter what world they occupy.

The act of kindness which ultimately led to Joe’s acquisition of two good legs is heartwarming and makes a great story. I would recommend you add two relevant genres to round it off, perhaps “War” and “Comedy” or something like that. Also, Size 4 Verdana font would create a more open and engaging reading experience. Aside from that, I can’t think of any substantial improvement to suggest. The characters are spunky, the conflict is well defined, the goals and stakes and obstacles, though relatively small, are present and create a scenario where we want to see what happens next and we cheer for the main character.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Ruwth!

I love reading your words about the book and how much it means to you. I read your story about “meeting Simon,” and I also read your review of the book The Greatest Miracle in the World. I think I’ve heard of Og Mandino before, but I don’t remember ever having read this book. Thank you for writing about it. I’m glad you have such a strong faith to lean on in difficult times… I can’t really say the same for myself at this point. Mostly I try my best to run away from organized religion, somewhat like the prodigal son perhaps. There is so much corruption and disarray and lack of accountability and everything in church these days, and the culture wars are just too much for me.

I like the way you were able to save your forum post and use it as your entry to I Write by adding it to your blog; I may do that someday if I ever have a week where I didn’t write an item of some kind. I’ve hardly taken the time to get to know you very well through your portfolio, Ruwth, but you have such a comforting presence when you’re here. You’ve seen so many ups and downs and befriended so many people who have come and gone. I’m still new and uncertain of everything, though I run around as if I “own” the place sometimes.

I can’t think of any constructive suggestions for this, since it’s a personal note like a journal entry. You’ve answered the prompt question and given us something to think about… oh, perhaps you should link your book review into the blog entry to fully connect all the dots. That would be a good idea *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT* *GemV* *Angel*


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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

I love a good self-reflective poem, and this is one. You describe yourself with an apologetic honesty which is heartfelt and deeply relatable.

I, too, am introverted and enjoy crafts and puzzles and write the occasional moody poem, and I know how it feels to always feel the need to apologize for oneself and assume that whatever I do is not quite right or is somehow “not normal.” In fact, I’ve thought a lot about that particular issue and have only recently begun to realize how diverse the world really is and that there’s room for me in it. I would always be afraid to “be myself” around others because I assumed no one else had a similar life experience, or others had so much more money and prosperity that it would be embarrassing to admit how poor I am.

Coming to WdC for example, I assumed when I arrived that everyone here was well-off enough to never have to worry about renewing their paid memberships, and that you all have these wonderful leisurely perfect lives where you can write whatever you want whenever you want with endless resources and no distractions… I felt quite “shabby” at first in comparison. But I’ve discovered that we’re all humans with struggles and issues, some mental, some physical, some financial. WdC is a place where we all become equals in our writing and helping each other out.

If you pardon my love of music and Imagine Dragons in particular, your words remind me of many of lead singer Dan Reynolds personal introspective lyrics, especially the tracks off of 2015 album Smoke + Mirrors. In one song, Next to Me, he even says “I am a deck of cards, vice or a game of hearts…” and in Polaroid, he spends the entire song applying different labels of the literal and metaphorical sort. This raw honesty and vulnerability in songwriting is part of why I like his band so much, and I see that same earnestness in your writing here.

Improvements? I dislike telling others to tinker with their poetry, especially free verse and especially when it’s a personal piece. I’m no expert on poetic meter and form. To me your words flow well and convey their theme sincerely and with creativity and honesty. And that’s pretty much what matters most. I would suggest using Size 4 font to bring it into clearer focus on our busy WdC pages (my sidebars are humming with activity!) and also adding a third relevant genre such as “Experience” or “Drama” or “Emotional.” This would help others find it when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review of Legacy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

Hey, cool story. I love the wryly humorous tone of the narrating son which uplifts the seriousness of the situation, and how you’ve described things in a matter-of-fact way without being too gory or depressing. The book is indeed valuable, a survival gift from father to son ensuring a strong lineage and a privileged position among the families.

Your moral at the end is immediately applicable to the modern situation, and we see how important it is to maintain the wisdom of the ages rather than being swept along in the waves of time, unanchored.

I might suggest making more of a point of how the narrating son was able to add his own wisdom to the book as he grew and learned over his time in the Outer Realm. Being as this is from so many years ago, I won’t ask if it was written for any particular contest.

A great, adventurous read, with a solid message well told. I enjoyed it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

This is an interesting and classic story which was a poignant pleasure to read. I liked the innocence of the tone and the understanding that this summer friendship was a love of the purer kind with close chaperoning. Usually when we have a “coming of age” type romance it quickly descends into… you know.

Your descriptions are enough to set the scenes well, allowing us to use our imaginations to fill in the details. I felt excitement about the budding relationship, and was quite saddened along with Jim and Lou when they had to part early on such a heartbreaking note.

I felt as though the story ends too abruptly with poor Jim staring after the disappearing car. It begins as a reminiscence, yet we don’t have a corresponding ending. Something along the lines of “I never saw Lou again after that,” or “we met again years later,” might give more satisfaction or closure. I also don’t understand why you call it a “short short story” in the subtitle; that feels like a waste of words, especially since this isn’t particularly short, such as a 300 word flash fiction . It appears to be about 1000-1400 words, and might in fact benefit from a word count at the top of the item. Also, since presumably the contest you wrote it for is long since over with, I would recommend adding a third relevant genre such as “Nature,” “Family,” “Relationship,” or “Emotional.” This would help people find the story when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

I’ve had this in “draft reviews” for some weeks now due to busyness. Since August is a growing sort of month, it suits *Leaf2G*

A jolly and thoroughly British poem we have here, crafted with care and bringing us three quirky characters to chuckle over. The gathering of manure for fertilizer is a grotesquely amusing way to end it… and it’s entirely true that some people do go to extreme lengths to collect that fertilizer! My mom always tells me about a woman who was selling rose plants from her house, and when my mom went to look at them she discovered an enormous pile of dog manure from the woman’s pet, that she was keeping to feed the roses *Sick* Mom couldn’t get away fast enough. Dad was like “aren’t you going to buy a rose from her?” She said “not on your life!” Such practices are highly unsanitary, and real “fertilizer” is supposed to be properly aged and composted before use.

So, having grossed out you and anyone who might come across this review, I’ll say I found nothing to criticize here. Your meter is a bit mixed, but it comes off casually and chattily without any issues. I’m terrible with syllables and meter myself - come to think of it, I haven’t written a rhyming poem in a long while. Two epic non-rhyming poems appeared in my port last month… which reminds me I should drop off one of them at one of the “previously written” poetry contests around. Perhaps you should do the same with this, although it lacks a certain profundity they’re usually looking for (no offense, trust me *Laugh*)

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings,

A brief and mythical tale we have here, not written in a passive narrative form but written with dialogue and scene setting in a poetic and even lyrical fashion. Inspired by the themes of eternal love and loss expressed in the Coldplay song offered as a prompt, we see the rebuilding of these themes into a fable simple yet profound. The three scenes are set off tidily with asterisks, and the font is large and clear.

My only suggestion here would be to add two more relevant genres so as to allow for as many Quill Award nominations as possible. I might suggest “Mythology” and “Folklore.” A word count would also be nice, as this looks to be not much over a couple hundred words.

A poignant and timeless vignette, set up well and formatted properly. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

A warm and enjoyable personal story, written to share a lesson learned about love and kindness. We see the author in a moody state, pressed to go to Disneyland with the family when perhaps his means were not up to it, tired and jaded, when something happens which gives him a fresh perspective on life.

The descriptions are bright and clear, and I could easily visualize the scenes in my mind as I read. Your characters are distinct and unique in their humanity, and we find ourselves smiling and even getting a little teary-eyed as we finish with a renewed hope in the goodness of others. Everyone did their part to make the disabled boy’s day truly magical, from the Minnie Mouse girl to the two friendly customers pushing tables out of the way so he could meet her.

I have often heard of and seen such moments at Disney and with other dressed up characters, on social media; we can’t help admiring the patience and kindheartedness they have as they strive daily to make others happy in what must be a tiresome job role.

I see only one typo from the entire item, where you’ve spelled “sites” instead of “sights.” Otherwise, this was excellently written, with great, easy to read formatting. I enjoyed reading it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings,

A cheerful and humorous tale we have here, full of touches of whimsical country atmosphere without too many stereotypes. I could picture the young people hanging around and playing basketball outside.

I'm glad it was a misunderstanding and they ended happily. You've painted the characters well and set the scenery nicely.

I don't have much to suggest for this enjoyable work.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This is a strong and elegant poem which reads like a hymn or an antique poem from the classic era of European literature. In fact at first I wondered if you had taken it from an old book or something and reposted it here, but I didn’t find anything with a brief search and I wouldn’t dream of making such an impolite suggestion. The elegance and timelessness of the language is appealing, and one doesn’t notice the lack of a tight rhyme because it feels as though we are reading song lyrics or a prayer.

When one reads poetry, especially when it’s written in the first person, one always wonders how personal the theme is to the author. Is the message truly from the heart, or is it a well crafted narrative in an old-fashioned style? Either way, the sincerity of thought expressed here is touching and inspiring as we see the man coming to a truer understanding of what love means. The sacrifice of love and the pain involved, as well as the reality of seeking to improve and understand one’s own self before attempting to deepen a relationship with anyone else, is heartfelt and deeply relatable.

If I may draw a connection with pop music here, part of your theme reminds me of the song Learn to Love Me, by Ryan Tedder and David Solomon. This mature and creative desire to self improve so as not to hurt anyone is something we need to see more of in the world. Your meter and flow are exceptional, and the repetition of words and phrases builds on itself in a lyrical way.

If I had to make any suggestions, I would say use Size 4 Verdana font... But I say that to almost everyone *Laugh* A line count would be a great idea, especially since I highly suggest you enter this into at least three separate contests: "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. and "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. You have an excellent item here, and I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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