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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: ON
729 Public Reviews Given
729 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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Review of Jettison  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings,

A heartbreaking story… I don’t often seek out or read stories that make me cry, but this one did. It reminded me of a short story I had to read in my Elements of Literature textbooks years ago, something about a girl who stowed away on a delivery flight and had to be jettisoned because she ruined the precisely calculated fuel allotment. I can’t remember the title or who wrote it at the moment.

Every detail here was touchingly rendered, from the main character’s hopes and dreams to the little boy’s space Lego project which becomes the final reminder of his mother’s love.

It’s interesting to see that this was inspired by one of those Media Prompt Challenges; I’m a newbie and I find those little monthly activities quite fun. I love coming across old ones. I noticed you went almost three times over the recommended word count… I went over the recommendation myself in my most recent one *BigSmile*

I see you picked out all three genres, and none of them were science fiction. The technology described here is fairly straightforward and nothing too far-fetched; one can only hope that something like this never happens in our lifetime (gee, have I ever stopped to consider the total number of casualties involved in our exploration of space to date? *Shock2*)

I found some minor typos:
~ Carters's face was animated, waving the box Might be better rendered as “animated as he waved the box” and an extra s in the name.
~ … Well, I thought there was another one but I can’t find it again…

Thanks for sharing, happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartBl*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings,

This is awesome! I love every bit of it: the poetic structure and centered columns with easy flowing prose, the snowflakes between each set of lines, the simplicity of your theme.

You have captured the essence of the seasonal cycles of life and the fragile beauty of nature, balancing the melting snowflakes with the falling flower petals in a memorable image. The personification of the snowflake family is charming and unique.

I see you’ve had over 60 reviews of this over the years, so I doubt I could offer much in the way of improvements. I would perhaps choose a third genre for the item, maybe “Environment” or “Inspirational.”

Happy account anniversary, best wishes for a happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*



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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings,

Oh goodness, this was funny. I totally wasn’t expecting that “heartbreaking” twist at the end, but it fits so well with my own experience as an environmentally minded gardener. Poor Harry and his well-intentioned dreams of having a natural prairie garden, plowed under by an annoying neighbor.

I loved your writing style and found it easy to read and follow along. It’s a lighthearted item, with a serious theme about the environment and taking care of the land. We see two men whose ideas about how to manage land are at odds, with comical results.

Perhaps a larger font size would help make it easier to read for older people and those with eye issues. Larger font also makes a story look more visually engaging.

Thanks for sharing, happy new year, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartg*


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Review of Spotted Pup  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

Here’s the review you requested *Smile*

First thing I noticed is you have a bit of empty space at the top of your item, about the size of one verse.

Formatting aside, I like this poem. You’ve used repetition to reinforce the theme of a spotted ranch pup, advancing through the cycle of life and expressing hope for the next generation of spotted pups. The brief and simple vocabulary paints a picture of the western cattle ranch and the faithful, hard-working dog without using too many words.

I can’t usually think of much to say about poetry; I don’t like making suggestions about syllables or meter and all that technical stuff, and anything else is highly subjective and purely up to the author’s discretion.

I enjoyed reading this; thanks for sharing, happy new year and keep writing *Heartb*


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Review of WDC Pro-Tips  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Tina!

This is a great idea to help the community with a handy resource. I also really enjoyed learning more about Schnujo is Late to Lannister and her rise to WDC fame. I’m a newbie, so I’ve only noticed one or two of her pro tips.

I noticed a few minor typos in your writing:

~ a well-known prominent member Should be “well-known and prominent”
~ The following sentence is quite long and could use a semicolon or be two sentences.
~ gained over 300 fans and you can insert a comma at the “and.”
~ During the 2017/2017 Quill Awards, should be “2016/2017”
~ recipient of 3 bachelor's degrees needs a comma.

Ok, that’s all for tiny typos *Smile*

Thanks for putting this together. Take care, happy new year, and keep writing *Heartb*



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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings,

I found this in the I Write 2024 project.

I appreciate you sharing this with us, as it must be more than a little embarrassing to have your work so scrutinized by people who are mostly total strangers, and then to post that criticism for other strangers to look at and say "oh my, you had so much room for improvement!"

I have a quick suggestion for this item: when you direct us to dropnotes, you should specify that those are found within the essay you are speaking of and not within this particular item. It may seem like a no-brainer, but for some reason I was expecting the whole essay in several editions to be embedded in this item *Laugh*

I know all about the excitement of first joining WdC, posting that first item, and waiting breathlessly for feedback on it. If you are interested in looking at my first item, it's "Virus. I have received lots of helpful feedback on it, and I know it's a work in progress that I'm just a bit too lazy/busy to get back to. Part of me also cringes a bit at the story itself, which is something I was glad to finally get out of my head, like an exorcism.

Thank you for sharing this consideration of your writing journey, take care, and keep on writing *Smile* *Quill*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello and welcome to Writing.com!

You reviewed my submission to the Media Prompt Challenge the other day, and I glanced over your port, but didn't get an opportunity to review your item until it appeared in the Read a Newbie sidebar.

I like how it's a flash fiction, short enough to read quickly, yet containing within itself a (mostly) full and vivid story.

You portray the struggles of a homeless person with clarity and understanding; I especially appreciate the opening about getting oneself all snuggled up and being reluctant to move out into the cold, as that happens to me even at home *Laugh*

The vignette is clear and poignant, as we see the main character touched by the kindness and appearance of the server. I noticed you carefully avoided using gender pronouns for any of the figures, which leaves the scenario open to our imagination. (Oh, I just checked again and saw you left in one pronoun at "the cooks behind her..." I'm not saying that ruins the effect or anything, but if you're going for gender neutral or avoidance of stereotypes, you missed a spot *Wink*)

It's cool to see how much your item has in common with the one of mine you reviewed; we both... Oh, I just realized you must have written it for the same challenge *Rolling* Now I get it.

If you did, I would recommend you include a note, differentiating it with either a smaller font of a different style or using a dropnote to list the word count and prompt. You can even include the Merit Badge you will receive for participating, in approximately a month *Delight* What I do is embed the Newsfeed note itself using {note:968320} as a primary source.

A minor typo:
• Even as evetyone

A suggestion:
• the breeze ceased to brush up against my skin... perhaps a stronger word would be better to emphasize the unpleasantness and the season than "breeze," such as "cold wind."
• get up from the floor again, a more descriptive term would help here, such as "unyielding pavement..."

I enjoyed reading this and I'm glad I stopped by.

Thanks for sharing, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *HeartB*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I noticed this floating around the site, and read a review of it from a friend of mine and thought it sounded like a fun read.

Indeed it is: lighthearted and amusing with a happy ending. It reads like a metaphor for our own complicated technology, especially the name of the final spell to undo the previous ones. One quickly sympathizes with the newbie magician as he tries to fix the mess he's gotten into. It reminds me a little bit of Disney's The Sorcerer's Apprentice but of course yours is a unique spin on the theme.

I enjoyed reading this, and now I'll have to stop by your port and see what else is there *Reading*

Thanks for sharing, happy new year and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Animal Help  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Season's greetings *Snow4*
Welcome to writing.com *Smile*

A beautiful little story about a girl going for a hike to appreciate God's creation. I like how you included a variety of different animals: the birds, squirrels and even a sleeping fox. It adds to the atmosphere and helps us picture the scenery without using too many words to describe what everyone understands.

When she climbs into the tree and watches the eggs hatching, I'm wondering where the mother bird is and hoping Janet is keeping a safe distance from the nest. Birds are sensitive to intruders and her presence would disrupt their natural routines.

I know it's a very brief and simple tale, but I wonder what region she lives in where wolves roam free. And if the wolf pup was injured I might think the rest of the pack would come looking for it and bring it food, though I don't know for sure. It's been a long time since I read White Fang.

I love the Bible quotes you've included, and I like how you centered their text blocks. It appears you left the default font size, though on mobile I'm uncertain. I would recommend using a larger size font because on desktop, default font size is quite small and creates a cramped and "boring" feeling. For my own work I prefer size 3.5 or 4. The larger size makes an engaging read and is easier for the elderly and those with poor eyesight to enjoy.

You may want to add a note at the end for your own reference, of which contest you wrote it for, the prompt and word count. You can use a dropnote to keep it tidy and professional.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Heartb*
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Season's greetings,

Welcome to Writing.com!

I read this yesterday before it had a review... I was going to review it, but life, y'know. Anyway, I see you added a little more at the end since then.

A really cool story that piques our interest in a post apocalyptic world. I like your writing style; when I first started reading I wasn't sure if it would be dark and gritty (descriptions of bodies blown open and all that) but it's written lightly with a touch of humor.

The sci-fi concept of a nuclear explosion creating a new form of life out of what has been destroyed is creative; I'm not too big on sci-fi, but I think it's unique among the other concepts.

Your characters are amusing, as they find themselves in Antarctica under such peculiar circumstances.

A few questions come to mind, such as: are the people in Antarctica the last surviving humans? Did you really mean to say "eighty percent" of land is still inhabitable? And of course, what will become of everyone and will there be a "happy" ending of some kind, a satisfying resolution...

I don't see any errors to correct; I'm assuming the lack of quotation marks around the dialogue at the end (within the conscious cloud) are a quirk of emphasizing the oddity of what's happening.

I would recommend using a large font size; on mobile I'm not sure what size you've used, but I prefer 3.5 or 4 rather than the default.

Also, your dialogue that is set in quotation marks needs to be spaced.

Looking forward to hearing more about this situation you've created.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of Deadline Looming  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Season’s greetings,

This was a good read. I’m happy that you were able to handle the challenging situation well. It’s an inspiration for those of us who are terrified of public speaking - or even of speaking in general *Laugh*

I would suggest choosing a larger font size for your text; I like to use size 3.5 or 4 myself. It makes the story feel more engaging and is also easier to read for elderly people or those with poor eyesight.

Being as this is a personal story, I have a hard time making any suggestions for improvement in the way I might with fiction, because it’s your voice and you can say it how you please.

Perhaps the first sentence could be restructured to introduce the situation in a more clear way, but we understand quickly enough what’s going on, and when the sentence repeats at the end it ties together in a satisfying way.

I don’t see any serious grammar issues or typos. Your voice comes through with sincerity and simplicity.

You can offset the notes at the beginning and end in a smaller size font so the presentation is tidier.

Thank you for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*
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Review of Chocolate  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Season’s greetings,

I enjoyed reading this upbeat little poem about chocolate. It conveys your feelings about the food in question with unmistakable clarity and slightly exaggerated humor. The rhyming of “chocoholic” and “frolic” is creative.

Your detailed explanation of which poetic form you’ve chosen is helpful and greatly appreciated. I never pay much attention to syllable counts and structures myself, and it’s always good to be able to see how it’s done.

I would recommend adding two standard genres for the item, maybe “entertainment” and “personal”. They don’t have to be an exact match.

Thanks for sharing. Now I have a hankering for chocolate *Laugh*
Take care and keep writing *Smile*
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again,

I'm a music lover, and this parody got a good chuckle out of me. I recognize so much of the style of music critics and "informative" articles in it. As a fan of an unbelievably popular band which shall remain unnamed (hint: it's connected to that MB I just sent you) I'm familiar with the amount of flack musicians can get despite their tracks blowing up the charts, and I've even accused a critic of being high myself in my music journal.

The puns keep us on our toes, from the list of critters influenced by the Frog band to the name of the heaviest metal band leader, Krangsnarl *Rolling*

The footnotes add to the parody effect, as those are often added to articles. And you've sprinkled enough familiar names in to give it a facsimile of realism. (What sort of critter is a Barry Manilow?) And the observation about the churches taking offense is relatable. They just don't get it! *Laugh* And I caught the multiple puns and references in "wandering pig"... From Bacon to Canned Heat (Mom loves Goin Up the Country.)

Your grammar and mechanics leave nothing to be corrected, and I can't think of any way to make this rollicking item any better.

This hit home for me in a fun and enjoyable way as a music nerd.

Take care and keep writing *Smile* *Guitar* *Quill*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Season's greetings,

While checking your Trophy Room I saw several items I'd be interested in reading, and this was one of them.

A charming spin on those "Irish blessing" type of things. You've included humor in every sentence, from explaining who wrote the book to the accurate description of those old bookshops (little mom and pop thrift stores are like that too).

At this point I feel like I know you... Any chance Budleigh Salterton is where you live? *Laugh* it crops up often in your writing.

I can't think of any suggestions to make except perhaps to choose a third relevant genre. "Spiritual" or "Entertainment" might do.

Thanks for being here to brighten our days with your humor. It's much appreciated.

Take care and keep writing *Smile* *Quill*

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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Season's greetings, Johnny,

I liked how brief this is; it's always nice to have a quick little flash fiction that shows us a life with a few words.

I see you've included the word count in the subtitle, which is good for helping people decide to read it.

You've also picked three genres, which is always encouraged so people can find the item when they're searching, and also helps for Quill nominations...

I like the repetition of the phrase "Sam hated Christmas," - oh, you used the wrong word for "steak." Just realized what you meant.

It's a little reminder that not everyone has a cute corny Christmas. We all have different lives; some people may not celebrate Christmas at all, others struggle with various hardships that make it an unhappy time of year.

Thanks for sharing, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Season's greetings,

A heavy and emotional poem contemplating one's existence.
The opening line reminds me of the opening of William Ernest Henley's Invictus.

It flows lyrically and feels like a song to be set to music, with the repetition of lines and the balanced meter.

I like the choice of words and the metaphor of the road and running away from oneself. I am reminded of the old saying "wherever you go, there you are." One's internal struggles cannot be escaped by a change of scenery.

I'm easygoing when it comes to the rules of poetry, so don't really have any suggestions for improvement or modifications.

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy holidays and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*
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242
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Season's greetings,

I enjoyed this playful lesson on shopping etiquette. I never considered that men might have a harder time handling their carts in the grocery store than women; these days it's so crowded and it seems like nobody knows what to do with carts *Laugh*

You organized it tidily, with six rules for dealing with different shopping situations, from how to move aside for someone else to how to pacify the little ones with a donut.

I don't see any corrections to be made. Looks good on mobile—I don't know what size font you've used, perhaps you can make it larger if it's the default size.

Perhaps you would want to select two additional genres for the item to make it easier to find and read. I would suggest "Experience" and even "Self Help," or "Entertainment" or "Family" or "Community."

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy holidays and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*
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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A brief and quietly emotional poem, describing the feeling of not being able to tell someone how much they mean to you before it was too late.

I noticed there is no punctuation at all, which is interesting. I might suggest adding a question mark at the beginning "how was I to know?" But that might ruin it.

I'm quite laid-back when it comes to poetry, especially free verse, and I find little here to criticize. You have it nicely centered and balanced on the page, and the note at the end is helpful.

Thanks for sharing, take care, happy holidays and keep writing *Smile* *Heartb*


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Review of The Chair  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well...

I'm not exactly sure what I just read. It feels a bit like something one would write when they're high, and yet I do think I understand what you're getting at.

Poor Oswald almost grasped the meaning of life as he sat in his armchair, but it slipped away from him. I get the feeling that there may be many people whose lives are literally like that, forced to just sit and stare at the wall and contemplate for whatever reason: elderly people in nursing homes, people in solitary confinement, in prisons, hospitals, and other such places. But Oswald apparently has the free will to go out and live life, yet he chooses to remain still and passive.

I take this story as a reminder to not let life roll by, because at some point it will be gone and you won't even have time to realize that you have accomplished nothing in your attempt to "figure things out" before you begin.

I noticed a couple of typos:

• anybody who knows anything about the meaning life
• Oswald became truly alive for the fist time in his life...

When you opened that paragraph with "anybody who knows anything about the meaning [of] life..." I thought it was sardonic at first, that you were saying the meaning of life is found by living it, not by sitting around thinking about it. But I'm not sure whether that was meant sarcastically or not.

I like how the opening and closing paragraphs balance each other, the final one drawing in language from earlier in the story.

I'm puzzled that you didn't select a single genre for the item. I would suggest "Philosophy," "Psychology" and "Self Help," but you can feel free to run down the list yourself and choose some. It helps others find your item when they're looking for something to read.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Review of Haze  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Another fine flash fiction. I'm glad the child awakened... And I would suggest changing the third genre from "Tragedy" to perhaps "Family" accordingly.

I would think with the word "tornado" and the story you have here, you wouldn't need to invent an address to include the word. That seems a bit pointless. Also the word "non-descriptive" you chose should probably be "nondescript." There's a difference.

I did enjoy this story. It's always good to have a quick dose of fiction to make the day more interesting.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile*


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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I liked this quiet little piece. It's sad but in a good enough way, building the atmosphere of a poor Appalachian family with only 300 words.

I don't see any typos or other errors. I would suggest picking a third genre for it since the contest is over. Perhaps "emotional," "community," or "dark" would be ok.

You're good with the flash fiction, which is nice to read but I can't always think of a lot to say about it *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*



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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
An amusing piece of flash fiction. The irony of the situation is well thought in few words.

I see you selected three appropriate genres for the item and included the prompt which you were required to use.

I don't have much to say about this story, as it's fairly simple: a man needs to retrieve his laptop and finds that his competition is in the same situation. Desperate times, indeed.

No typos or other simple errors. On mobile I'm not sure what font size you used, but I generally recommend choosing larger than the default so that it's easier to read on desktop.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile*



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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Season's greetings,

I love a good flash fiction, and one that's a lighthearted kid-friendly item is a plus.

This is a humorous and enjoyable item that makes words come alive and argue with the author, jostling for that coveted spot in the story being written.

I love the sprinkling of emojis throughout to add feeling, and the final frustration of the would-be author as they resume their day job is relatable.

I'll have to look through your port, it appears to be the kind of work I appreciate.

Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Smile* *Heartt*



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Review of Connections  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to Writing.com! *Hug1**Smile**Hug2*

I love the metaphor you chose of the falling leaves as a way to view life. It’s relatable and easy to picture. My first thought when I noticed the subtitle is that you probably meant to say “the collisions we have with others” rather than “collusions,” which is what Trump is accused of doing… *Laugh*

Another suggestion I would make is to choose a larger font size… I don’t notice it much on mobile, but on desktop the default size is quite small and gives everything a rather crowded, “bland” and “boring“ look. I like to go with size 3 or up to engage the eye and make it easier on the older folks who enjoy this site.

Back to the content of your poem… I sense a Nihilist sort of mood with the final thoughts, but overall it’s fairly optimistic in that we all feel better about our problems when we can share the experience with someone who understands, and knowing that we’ll all meet the same fate one way or another is somewhat comforting… I like your old-fashioned use of the word “purchase” as a word for grip; I haven’t seen it used that way since, IDK, Robert Louis Stevenson?

I’m a poet myself, but a very liberal one in that I don’t bother using meter, counting syllables or aligning to forms. I consider poetry to be a subjective art form where just about anything goes as long as you put thought and care into it.

This is an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing, take care and keep writing *Quill* *HeartT*



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Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again *Wave*

A sharp and poignant scene is painted here of a classic Cinderella situation. We feel deeply for Shayne and hope there will be a happy ending.

Perhaps you would like to add a note at the bottom, of which contest and prompt you have written this for. That would be helpful in the future when you look over your items, and it's always nice for others to see how well you've handled the prompt.

Also, it's generally recommended to choose three relevant genres, rather than simply "contest entry." Your third genre could be "Environment" or "Community" or "Folklore" or "Drama" or "Emotional"... It's ok to pick one that may be a slight stretch.

Also, flash fiction is generally considered to be under 300 words and be a complete story... What you have here is more of a vignette, a scene setting, a preparation for further stories. Just a thought, since I'm not sure what it was written for *Smile*

Thanks for sharing, happy holidays and keep writing *Heartb*



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