Amethyst Angel🌊🌿🌞's (greenwillow) Reviews

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When The Memories Call

For all grieving parents and anyone else who has lost a loved one.

READ A NEWBIE

To The Moon and Back, Chapter 1

17 long years in space after Earth was effectively destroyed by those who walked it

Imperfections

Hate, shame, disgust. Will I ever learn to get past how I feel about my body?

This is my love

Devotion to you who brought joy in my life

2022 Monopoleague Season

This is a game by game chronicle of the 2022 Monopoleague Season.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

The Choice of Wishes

A (somewhat late) fable for the month of March

Hold the Bus!

An Acrostic Poem for the Bard's Hall Contest, March 2024

Losing Weight Tips

Weight loss tips from myself to myself

Maria the Midget Part 2:Too Short

Maria's too short for the ride. What does she do?

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greenwillow/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2

Amethyst Angel🌊🌿🌞

Review Requests: ON

861 Public Reviews Given

861 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.

I'm good at...

Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?

Favorite Genres

Poetry, children's, anything rated E

Least Favorite Genres

Anything higher than 18+

Favorite Item Types

Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc

I will not review...

NSFW

Public Reviews

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Credit this reviewer

#4762886

Review of Kiera

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Greetings!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A mildly creepy story we have here, brimful with grimy characters and excellent description in a compact form. You've flashed a whole story in front of us, with hints as to the larger context as seen through the eyes of the inmate. The other prisoner's apparent affection for the narrator is unnerving, and at the end we can almost sympathize with the narrator's wish. The details you've painted are enough to set the scene in brief, without too much exaggeration or darkness.

I'm sure there was some jealousy in the narrator's heart when the other prisoner informed her of her impending freedom. We can assume the narrator is in for life.

I would suggest adding two more relevant genres to this well written item, to make it easier to find when browsing. It also helps to be nominated for more categories in the yearly Quill Awards. You could use "Dark" or "Drama" and "Cringe/Gangster," both of which are popular genres.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4762660

Review of Hunt For Normal

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

What a thoughtful poem: loose, conversational and paragraphic in nature, it leads us through your thoughts and observations on the definition of "normal." All of which I entirely respect and agree with, mostly. I'm a liberal universalist at heart with a confusing duality of old-fashioned conservatism blended in, and my own personal "normal" is way off from anyone else's. At a young age I came to the conclusion that "there's no such thing as happiness, it's a distraction to keep you chasing after foolishness and highs..." I still haven't decided whether that idea sealed my fate as a gloom and doomer, or opened me up to the freedom of never bothering to care why I'm not a frivolous, smiley, chatterbox type of person.

All of which is to say that I enjoyed this gathering of thoughts very much. I'm on mobile right now, so I'll make the usual recommendation for Size 4 Verdana font, but I have no idea if you already used it here. You should probably add a third relevant genre such as "Experience," which will help people find it when browsing and also help the item to get nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4762158

Review of The Old House

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings, and welcome to writing.com!

An enjoyable piece of flash fiction, as we wonder what’s up and why the lady wants to go into the abandoned house. You’ve painted the scene well, giving us a vivid sense of the eeriness and grime lying thick upon the building. We jump as the creature appears and quickly smile as it defuses the tension in the situation without even being identified. The final greeting is a relief, yet also a slight puzzle as we wonder how the lady’s significant other made their way into the house without any appearance of entering at the front, but that’s what back doors are for

Also, the situation is still ambiguous: it may not be her loved one inside at all, but a trap of some kind! This could be a great beginning to a scary showdown… in fact, it reminds me of the story I wrote which brought me here to WdC.

You have a few minor typos, such as saying the creature “scattered” when perhaps the better word is “scampered,” and “starring” should be “staring.” The second paragraph is an untidy sentence, and generally speaking your style, though showing us the story well, seems a bit off and could perhaps be helped with a run through Grammarly. The subtitle implies a second person point of view, but the story itself is in the first person. A word count is also suitable if you want to enter contests around here. Also, I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Aside from these minor concerns, it’s a fun read. I like the looks of your port and hope you can stick around and add more to it soon.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761984

Review of Two Empty Windows

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Greetings!

A dark and heavy poem, as we see someone struggling to find meaning and connect to reality when all they have is their own distorted perceptions and lack of joy in life. They grasp at the slightest bit of sensory input they have around them, seeking comfort in being near others yet not being able to make any significant mental change or connection with their environment. The title brings us a poignant picture of the eyes, the windows to one’s soul, being blank and empty as the narrator struggles with their depression. I may deduce from the surroundings that the narrator is in a hospital type of setting, which implies they were admitted to care for a mental health crisis. The pills are another straw to clutch at, a life raft of potential hope and the ability to feel something, anything, which would be better than nothing at all.

I connect deeply with your existential crisis, having struggled with my own at various times and still remaining painfully unaware of my own self image and identity. Your words remind me of the singer songwriter Dan Reynolds, who spills his heart out to fans in lyrics which are usually shrouded in cryptic metaphor but sometimes shine with honest vulnerability.

I always tell people to use Size 4 font around here to help bring their words into focus on the page. You may want to experiment with different font styles or colors to give it more "oomph," but it's not necessary. Perhaps the poem could be made better by adding another layer of thought about what might happen after the medication is taken, or the misery of emotional numbness, or the glimmer of hope you might have if you begin to feel something, even pain.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761978

Review of reading feelings

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

A quietly wistful poem, centering around the overflow of unmanageable emotions still lingering after a relationship has faded away. You describe how your significant other taught you to appreciate your own lack of feelings in certain written items, and the reciprocal energy of “this is the part of me they love, so I love it too…” is very wisely considered. Now that your heart is broken, however, you have a conundrum: the feelings of love and the trappings of the relationship are stuck, and they’re holding you in the past. How does one stifle so much emotion and pretend it no longer exists? Ah, therein lies the problem, which you have addressed to your old flame with no hope of a response: show me how to be as cold-hearted as you! Why, it reminds me of songwriting in the creative simplicity of the theme.

I love the lightness of your structure, with a few words on each line, carefully balanced between longer and shorter lines which guide us symmetrically through the poem in a loose and easy fashion.

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to bring your words into full focus on our crowded WdC pages and to make it easier to read for old or tired eyes. And when I see a poem I especially enjoy, I always suggest it be submitted to my favorite three poetry contests around here: "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"

, "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"

and "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

None of these require special prompts.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761974

Review of Within the rhythm of Listening

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings!

What a charming and whimsical series of poetic questions, proposed upon a sleepy afternoon while resting in the garden (or so it feels to me…) You have gathered them up in loosely formatted couplets, moving from a fairly predictable rhyme and meter to a more conversational free verse style as we continue. I enjoyed your picturesque words evoking diverse scenes of nature, and the rambling style made me chuckle as I read. It would be a cute children’s picture book, with the leaping goats and soaring eagles and bees and birds and flowers and rocks and streams.

I would suggest you choose two more relevant genres for it than “detective” and “other,” as that helps people find it when browsing and also assists in being nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible. (Though this is not eligible for any, it’s always good to remember the genres thing for future items.) Perhaps “Nature” and “Environmental” would be good, or “Philosophy” or “Nonsense.” I also encourage the use of Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. You may want to tighten up the layout by removing double spaces between lines and shaping it into a more uniform poetic structure, but that’s a minimal and highly subjective issue.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761755

Review of Crustbin Thistlebum

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings!

What a hilarious and fun spin on the Tooth Fairy idea! I really enjoyed your whimsical, ironical style and the colorful, playful way everything was described. I sat breathlessly as grumpy Crustbin was chased by Billy, your average annoying boy child, and laughed and cheered when he was distracted with the shiny quarter. The irony of what ensues after this, utterly disrupting Crustbin’s quiet and peaceful life, is a fun twist which gives us a “backstory” to the peculiar habit of paying kids for their baby teeth. I love how you tossed in the fancy word “diphyodont,” which I had to look up, but now won’t soon forget

You’ve woven a dandy, colorful story under 1000 words, and I think it deserves a third relevant genre, such as “Nonsense” or “Folklore” to help people find it when browsing. You should also consider adding a note of the word count in the subtitle to encourage readers who may be on devices which don’t display a word count estimate. Congrats on the Quill Finalist award, it’s well deserved.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761619

Review of Blogocentric Formulations

for entry "Summer Reading"

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Greetings, Jeff!

I’ve never ventured into your blog before, and I find this entry to be informative and friendly, with suitable explanation of the prompt you’re responding to. Your blog name is creative, and I like having the definition of a word I don’t remember ever hearing before.

Ah, summer reading… a fun prompt and food for thought. Myself, I don’t particularly read fiction at all since I’ve grown up, and I’m unfamiliar with any of the novelists you’ve named. I am quite familiar with CS Lewis, however. In my youth, I think winter was probably a more realistic time for me to spend reading, because I lived on an acre of land with a garden and no lawn, and it required lots of upkeep during the growing season. Long winter evenings were best spent with a good book, although I also did a lot of arts and crafts to prevent cabin fever. But some of my coziest memories are of the lazy summer afternoons, once all the yard work was completed, sitting back with a book and a cool drink and enjoying the ambient sounds of birds singing and lawn mowers droning.

I always use Size 4 Verdana font for my blogs and book items, mostly because they’re smaller bursts of writing that need to be focused and centered on the page for ultimate impact and ease of reading. Perhaps your post would be more fun if you picked one of the novels you’ve read recently and given us a brief overview of it and whether you enjoyed it or not. But other than that it’s perfectly fine.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761546

Review of Reflecting childhood

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A painful and deeply personal recollection of the hurt and suffering you’ve endured as you grew up in a broken home. The words bear the impact of honesty and vulnerability as we see your lost innocence and unhappiness in the thoughtless and manipulative ways you were treated as a child.

The reality of your words is all too close to me, as I watch people I feel I know personally going through divorces with “happy faces,” pretending and insisting that it’s all for the best and yet I know how hard it must be for the kids involved, especially when faced with the new reality of one or both parents finding new significant partners. You remind us of the agony of being “played off” against each parent and used as a weapon in wars of words and worse.

If this is entirely true and a real experience, I extend my deepest sympathy to you and hope you are finding peace and wholeness in your life currently.

I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure easy reading and to allow your words to be the focus of our busy WdC pages (have you noticed how distracting the sidebars are?) I notice also that some of your lines are a bit long, whereas the poem itself has a smaller number of lines in total. You may want to break up some lines to bring more balance to the shape of the item.

You may also like to enter this poem into "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"

or "First and Second Chance Poetry Contest"

, which allow poetry written at any time without specific prompts. Oh, I always forget to mention "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest"

because it isn’t open each month, but it’s currently accepting entries. Your writing is definitely heartfelt and poignant enough to be a contestant.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4761301

Review of Flowers, Taxes & Horses

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings!

This is a quaint and amusing spin on the Dialogue 500 prompt, with clearly drawn characters and the implications of some funny business going on with Gus’s daughter. I’m glad the tax woman decided to move on to investigate her and not bother Gus any further.

The dialogue is quite clear between the characters, and you’ve painted the setting with a few simple words, allowing us to read between the lines and picture the elderly gent sitting on the front porch of the old folks home, with Ms Fluffy pestering him about taxes of which he has no knowledge. The technical details are minimal, and we don’t have time to wonder whether he should be paying taxes at all at his age.

You’ve formatted it well, with large clear font and an explanatory dropnote at the top. Perhaps you should link to the contest page in case anyone is interested in joining the fun. You may also want to specify that the contest is “dialogue only” to explain the awkwardness of it (but it isn’t really awkward at all - one would hardly realize it doesn’t include narrative.) Also, instead of the dud genre “Contest entry,” I would recommend using “Crime/gangster” or “Mystery” or “Financial” or “Business.” This will help people find it when browsing and allow for more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760950

Review of Why do I write?

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Greetings!

I love your candid description of the struggle to not write despite writing not seeming to lead to anything in your life. I identify with the feeling a lot myself, even though for many years after I “grew up” I ceased to write fiction. My head is full of ideas and thoughts and observations, and for a long time I kept a bulging document with scribbled weird details and fragments and songs and character sketches of a novel I dreamed of and lived in the world of inside my head. Then I started getting interested in music, and writing for me turned into an extensive journalistic process of nitpicking, research, contemplation, analysis and criticism of what I was discovering about myself and the world around me as reflected in the music I was choosing to listen to.

The rest of my story and my rediscovery of fiction writing by way of this community is not relevant at the moment… I really appreciate your story, and I have a deep understanding of how writing of any in-depth sort is in one’s very bones. I couldn’t possibly not write, either - the one time I did lapse from putting coherent sentences together on paper was during the height of the pandemic, and not doing so took a heavy toll on my brain.

As a personal essay, I have nothing to suggest here; the question you propose is fully answered with detail and clarity. I would recommend using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. And perhaps a brief observation about whether you dream of someday having your stories published would help round out the thoughts expressed here

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760853

Review of Successor to the Game

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

A charming story from beginning to end, summarizing the relationship between a grandfather and granddaughter as symbolized through their love of chess. We see her indomitable spirit as she plays hundreds of games with him over the years and loses them all, until the final one which comes at a momentous turning point in her life and his.

You have written with care, gathering up a lifetime within the confines of a flash fiction item. I love chess, but I mostly play it against a computer these days… as a kid, I would actually play against myself, setting up my stuffed animals on the other side and playing for two

I noticed the timeline fluttered a little at the beginning, with the first two paragraphs hopping from teen to five years old. If you could simply begin at five and then tell us how after eight years she began to hold her own against him, it would be a smoother read. Also, the emotional impact of the end, the expectant granddaughter’s first win after so many years, seems muted, almost anticlimactic, as we get a little dialogue agreeing to meet again next week.

Perhaps some little details, a ritual of some kind, to emphasize the circle coming around and the child becoming a woman, the old man slowly becoming too old to play and yet watching with delight as she shows the baby their first chessboard… I know this is a lot to pack in if you’re working with a word limit. I’m thinking maybe centering it around the acquisition of a symbol, passed down through the family line, and having her look longingly up at it on the mantle… just an idea to spark your imagination.

Also, it’s in a strongly narrative format, telling us the experience rather than showing us through the little details of feeling and dialogue. I know showing over telling is incredibly tricky when covering a span of years, but perhaps by bringing us into the grandfather’s head, showing us the way the girl looks as she grows older and frowns in concentration at the chessboard, bringing us into the scene in some kind of simple visceral way, with a scent, a sound, a voice. Bringing us through a timeline of brief flashes of closeup experiences, rather than a broad overview, might help increase the emotional tightness of the story.

I did greatly enjoy it, however

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760497

Review of Breaking and Entering

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Greetings!

An interesting flash fiction we have here: a boy with a gift for picking locks gets caught by a “cop” who cuts a deal with him. The security company seems like a front for more sinister operations… why would they need to hire someone to break and enter? This raises questions about Madril’s future and sets up a fascinating scenario for further development.

There is potential for conflict between Madril and his older cousin, who appears to be blackmailing him to get him to do shady stuff. How far will the boy go to avoid getting caught for past misdeeds? Will there be a choice to make that develops his character arc and provides tension, stakes and obstacles?

Or is this a very simple story of a boy who gets a good job? You have all sorts of options here if you cared to make a longer story out of this. As it is, the storytelling is a bit more on the narrative side. We could make a deeper emotional connection to Madril if we can see what he sees, feel what he feels, in a more descriptive way. Perhaps you could mention the smell inside the vehicle or the bright fluorescent lights in the office, to give us some of the sensations he’s experiencing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760455

Review of The Gifted Girl

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to Writing.com!

A charming and beautiful story of a little girl with brilliance and special powers. It reads like a gentle fairytale narrative, simple and brief and summarized. Your character is taught the best use of her exceptional gifts, and is promised not only a mentor but also a young friend. This story has incredible potential to be made into a series, an epic fantasy, even a Disney movie.

You have some simple grammar errors which could be helped if you run it through a program such as Grammarly. I would like to offer suggestions on the major points involved in turning this into a full fledged story…

First, one must set up the basic ingredients of good literature: goals, stakes and obstacles. The main character needs a development arc, which includes an internal conflict and an external conflict which she grows through and learns from. Tension is brought by raising the stakes and creating obstacles to the goals. There should be an antagonist of some sort, a character whose goals compete with Brenda’s and create conflict between them.

Then, of course, there’s showing versus telling and putting us into the main character’s head. We find it to be a more engaging read when we feel what she feels, know what she knows, and experience the things which happen to her in the limited sense, rather than having everything shared by a storytelling narrator in the style of a fairytale. This is a large and complicated subject, and you could learn more about it by reading a few articles written by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

or submitting your item to him for a review.

I love your premise, and this is a very sweet story, but as it is it feels like a rough sketch of something much bigger, a fleeting capture of ideas for further exploration and development.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760216

Review of Choked up Words

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I really appreciate your posting this here for us; I know it must be tough for you to go over these feelings again.

You have a nice smooth rhyme scheme going along, which leads us through the poem with a good flow and rhythm. The lines are about equal lengths, lending a balanced and steady approach to the feelings expressed.

The pain of the “visual” experienced is made evident by the words chosen, as the narrator struggles to explain what is happening and share it with others. The stress is such that it affects their day to day life and they cannot cope in the usual ways. It feels as if they are running away from this “visual,” but they just can’t get away from the heaviness of reliving the traumatic experience of their past, despite the many years which have come between.

If it’s ok to offer suggestions for improving something so deeply personal, I would like to ask if the word you were thinking of is perhaps “vision” rather than “visual?” And also, you forgot to capitalize the word “I’ve,” and the word “can’t” needs an apostrophe. I also like to tell everyone to use Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. Increased font size also helps give your poem more of a “presence” on our busy pages.

I sincerely hope you feel better and have come to a happier place as you look back on that time in your life.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760031

Review of Christmas Eve With Cats

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings!

I enjoyed this fun tale of cats at Christmas, filled with the spirit of the season.

Your writing captures the playfulness of the cats and their different unique personalities and quirky behaviors. It feels so relatable; I can picture all of them in my head, romping through the house and laying a trap for Santa. We see the results of this come down to a happy ending which the humans are all unaware of. Overall it’s a cute and rollicking story with an engaging and amusing pace.

The first unusual thing I noticed is the word you used in the subtitle; it appears to be a misspelling of “anamorphism,” which I at first assumed means “animals portrayed with human characteristics.” But I looked it up and I’m surprised to find the word doesn’t mean that at all, but rather is related to computer coding. I think we’re getting confused with “anthropomorphism…” Perhaps a little more research would be a good idea.

A quick formatting note: I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. And you need spaces between each line of dialogue to create a more open and smoother reading experience.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759953

Review of Castle's Chessboard

for entry "What Tomorrow Knows"

Review by

In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings from I Write 2024!

The first thing I notice with this poem is how much you packed into the last four lines, which spill across the page with worry and wisdom, hope and heartache. Your fears of what might be and regrets over what could have been are vivid and relatable, with a touch of the surreal; it almost feels like you’re telling us you can see possible future outcomes in the mirror, and you want to direct the future for good in some way.

We can only wonder how it is that a Higher Power, if one exists, could see and concurrently exist in past, present and future. How would such knowledge affect our free choice? I sometimes think it’s like a “choose your own adventure” story, where God sees all possible outcomes and allows us to set certain paths in motion, which branch out into more options, and so on… this would be a mind boggling thing to keep track of for every human being who ever lived

You’re probably wondering where that bit of philosophy came from

This is a well thought poem, with balanced lines and readable formatting, guiding us through your concerns and ending on a hopeful note as we take in all the wonderful possibilities of life that lie before us. Your metaphors are heartfelt, layering together without overdoing it.

I noticed at the end you say “haunted be what;” perhaps you mean “haunted by…” instead. I don’t see anything else I would suggest to change, especially since it’s poetry. I avoid picking apart the poetry of others, preferring instead to accept what they’ve put on the page as their unique form of expression.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759669

Review of Monsieur Mike and Jessica of Troy

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button. I wasn’t sure if it was my type of story at first, but I ran my eye over it carefully and didn’t see anything too explicit, so I hopped in and watched the relationship grow and develop. Mike was very kind to Jessica, and if the situation was different it would have worried me that he was “grooming” her for something. But he did his best to leave her better than he found her, and the ending is poignant and satisfying as we see Jessica stepping out confidently into a new life with someone who cares for her.

The way things are in the real world, I have a hard time believing something as delicate as this would work out well, but it was a pleasant read. I like the care and tact you’ve treated the story with, and the characters are colorful and real and amusing. The timeline is helpful to set the pace for each situation, and I don’t have anything specific to suggest for improvement. Perhaps the use of Size 4 Verdana would help to ensure visibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759195

Review of Nature encased within moments of time.

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Greetings,

This is a charming poem with lots of potential for inspiration and beauty. Your vocabulary shines with vivid imagery and colorful metaphors which make for an engaging and picturesque read. However, I wonder why you enclosed it with quotation marks and included a period/full stop at the end of each line. The reading flow of your free verse would be greatly improved if one were not drawn up and forced to pause at each line. I appreciate the wisdom of your theme and the care you’ve given to creating this piece; all it needs are a few minor adjustments to enhance our overall enjoyment of it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758980

Review of Under The Sea

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings,

Well, well… a rather darkly amusing tale of two men in a submarine. You seem to write with a wry British wit, describing the situation in a deadpan manner which would be rather distressing if it wasn’t obviously an absurdity.

You’ve brought the situation together in a quick and simple way from beginning to end, though perhaps I see a bit of falter at the beginning where we are informed that the submarine sprang a leak, and the end, where we are told it simply ran out of oxygen. I guessed perhaps that Max’s banging on the side of the vessel made a hole in it. The revelation of the oxygen valve was a bit of a different take on the situation.

We are reminded of much more serious things by this flash fiction, with possible themes of the difficulties of human interactions in a restricted space (it reminds me of the Donald Barthelme story Game…) and the foolish hubris of men as they think they can plumb the merciless ocean depths unscathed.

I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices, and if you remember the prompt you wrote it for and whether it won or not, that would be a fun detail to add to it.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758541

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Meeting in IRL ~"

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Greetings, Ruwth,

I love how deep and long lasting this community is, and I love having you as part of it. Your relationships with so many people here have left an impact, and we see the memories of your years spent here in your blog.

This is a good response to the forum question, as you describe your in-person interactions with some of the members of WdC and back everything up with a tidy paper trail. I marvel how you can dig up the old posts and items. I went to look at your item about going to meet Marc, and I'm amazed that you could provide links to SM's posts from 2010... Eight years later!

Adding the gentle plug for your friend's published book is a great idea, I'll have to check that out soon. It's so much fun for me to meet others who have been here far longer than I, and catch a glimpse of how the site used to be (not that it's changed so much over the years

)

Your writing is clear and engaging, and the tease about your older item makes us want to stop by for a read. But definitely, do catch us up some day on what it was actually like to meet Marc

Rest assured we’d love to know. I’ve gone and fanned the three people you’ve tagged, and I see one of them is a Moderator. Cool! I think of myself as “case colorblind” because I’m on good terms with everyone here… some people say they’re bashful about reviewing higher level cases, but I don’t mind at all. Mostly because I’m not the most in-depth of reviewers…

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758362

Review of Have You Ever?

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

A heartfelt existential question to all of us, which can be summed up as “have you ever truly lived?” It builds on itself with gentle repetition, leading us from the simple experiences of life to the more transcendental ones, reminding us that life is more than merely surviving or making a living.

I can say truthfully that I’ve done at least some of these things, as it relates to sitting quietly and considering the serious philosophical issues of life. My people skills aren’t the best, but I hope I’ve been a comfort to someone in my life. It reminds me of the Emily Dickinson poem, “if I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not have lived in vain…” or something like that. I too, have written about this subject, in these song lyrics: "Pause"

The alternating indents help us to read it easily and not appear as a solid block of text. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana, but it’s optional.

This was a lovely little poem, brief but thought provoking.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758005

Review of Hero From The Void, Chapter 1 part two

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I’ve read both sections of your story so far, and it’s going pretty good. I’m not used to this particular type of “void” story, in fact I hardly read fantasy or sci-fi at all except for what I find here (honestly, it’s been many years since I’ve read fiction extensively at all, so forgive me if I have no idea what’s going on with your story as it relates to common tropes of the genre…)

You’ve set up an intriguing situation, where we are plunged into a boy’s actions to support and protect his family without pausing to explain the context, leaving us to pick up on clues as to what’s going on and what sort of setting it is. We have lots of potential for goals, stakes and obstacles which could be set up in further chapters, and a definite cliffhanger as the boy appears to have been sent from the Void world into what could be the real world, where perhaps he could attempt to reunite his family.

Your hero needs to be a well rounded character, dealing with both internal and external conflict. He needs an internal flaw, weakness or struggle to overcome along with the external obstacles in his way. This will form a connection with readers and give them a reason to be invested in the growth and development arc of your character.

Then, the forces he’s fighting against could perhaps be more meaningful and relatable if they are somehow personified. How is the “Void” created and sustained? Is there a powerful “wizard” behind it? How are the people “constructed” and how are they chosen to “leave the Void?” All great heroes need a strong counterforce, and the enemy is easier to visualize as a character of some kind, preferably a well rounded one with backstory and some one element which could make us sympathize with him rather than a cardboard cutout.

You’ve left us with lots of questions and potential for exciting adventures and memorable characters. (Oh, a side note: it’s recommended that all main characters should have names that start with a different letter to avoid confusion. You’ve introduced a bunch of characters who all sort of jumble together as the boy’s siblings…)

A quick note on formatting: Size 4 Verdana font is highly recommended here, utilized by clicking on the line of editing boxes at the top of your text entry box. Paragraphs should also be double spaced, and all dialogue needs to be set off on separate lines.

I look forward to reading more from you. This is a great start. If you need further feedback, you can contact Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

and ask him for a review. I’ve learned a lot from him. You can also post your item in "Please Review"

and "The Shameless "Plug" Page"

for people to read and review.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4757934

Review of Peace Now - Purpose to Follow!

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Greetings,

I found this enigmatic poem using the Random Read and Review button

I like the way you use quadruple rhymes and nonsensical imagery to bring forth a serious message about conformity and harmony. One can take it to mean we need to search our hearts and discover our true motives for behavior… are we showing off our commitment to good works to be admired in the community, or are we serving out of the goodness of our hearts?

Politically speaking, the country’s a mess from any perspective, so I don’t want to go in that direction… you’ve woven a meaning that could apply to many situations or to none at all, as the reader sees fit, but we can feel the sincerity of your words and the frustration at the status quo.

I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4757761

Review of Don't Ask me of News

Review by

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Greetings,

I found this using the Random Read and Review button.

You approach a tragic and timeworn subject - war - in a fresh and creative way. I like the rhyme scheme and flow, which is easy to read and brings continuity without being overly trite. The theme is clear, and we can feel the pain of the narrator as a Gold Star parent in a timeless and stateless setting.

I noticed one awkward moment: “excited to battle with me” sounds like the son wants to argue with the parent, which isn’t the case at all. Other than that, a line count and using Size 4 Verdana font, I would also recommend using three relevant genres, possibly “War” and “Drama.”

This was a heartfelt and haunting read.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing

"The WDC Angel Army"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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