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Hi Jimminy! Congratulations on winning the Short Story Review Challenge Best in Show Review. As part of your winnings, and in the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Wolfs pain"  .
[The comments following purple check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest  .]
 Initial Reaction: Your descriptive voice was outstanding in this horror short, bringing the scene to life in my mind's eye.
 What I liked:
 Your opening sentence grabbed my attention right away and drew me into the story. The entire first paragraph set the tone for the story with John's practiced determination, like a seasoned cop possesses in the face of tracking down a hardened criminal. I was curious about John's professional attitude despite the dire predicament his wife found herself in. As I wondered why he didn't seem more devastated, I dove into the body of the story eager to figure out what was making him tick.
The descriptions of what he discovers as John enters the house were fantastic. My skin crawled as I vividly pictured what he saw. Again, the callousness with which John "assists" the housekeeper, as well as when he notices the contents of the microwave, caught my attention. It was clear to me that this was not his first assignment as werewolf killer.
John was an intriguing protagonist. He was complicated, brave and determined. I enjoyed the story as it filtered through his perspective, and by the end I wished there was more to read -- the characteristic of an engaging story!
I loved this sentence: Jenna uttered a deep, throaty growl which shook the basement floor and jarred John back to his purpose. -- It let me into John's head for a moment, and I glimpsed the feelings and conflicts he was facing for the first time in the story. "Jarred" was a great choice as a high impact, highly descriptive verb.
 Suggestions:
 I remember you said this was written for a contest with a strict word count. Now that the contest is over and you have the chance to expand, I suggest concentrating on places where there are little holes in the plot or timeline of the story. Going into greater detail and filling in those holes will strengthen the story. For example:
 Normally, he would have his entire squad involved, but this time, it involved his wife and he feared the worst for her. -- I wondered why the fact that his wife was the victim spurred the decision to go it alone? What was the usual strategy when hunting down a werewolf, and would John break procedure because of his wife? Was that why he didn't want the rest of his squad there?
A clanging noise in the basement brought his attention to the stairs....His wife stood before him in all her canine glory. -- It is a small thing, but since John was never shown going down the stairs, it caused a little hiccup for me that she was suddenly standing before him. I thought she had come up and was now in the kitchen, until her growl shook the basement floor.
Pulling the pin on the grenade and tossing it... -- Since there was no mention of it before, John's possession of a grenade seemed out-of-the blue and convenient in this moment. It would help if it were mentioned earlier, perhaps in the beginning...maybe John is aware of the weight of the grenade in his pocket as he enters the house...maybe its weight could mirror the weight in his chest at the prospect his wife may have been killed, and the burden of walking again into a dangerous situation to face the attacker. Or, you could offer a line or two about the squad's usual handling of werewolves with grenade-induced fire.
John awoke to a bloody wetness that was the back of his head. -- There seems to be a chunk missing here from the rising action to the climax. It would be a smoother transition to this exciting part of the story if John saw her coming at him, launching the attack that rendered him unconscious.
The second to the last paragraph that begins with He never told anyone his wife was a werewolf... didn't make sense to me. I thought she wasn't a werewolf prior to this evening. All the questions John asks himself in this paragraph were cryptic and seemed almost to contradict what I learned earlier in the story. Was John seeing his wife in a new light? Did he now realize he didn't really know her at all? I think more clarification is necessary for this paragraph to convey your intentions effectively.
I think it is important to describe what the werewolves looked like. Again, I realize under a strict word count limit it's impossible to go into great detail. However, it would add to the enjoyment factor of the story to see the physical characteristics of the guy in the kitchen. Was he furry? Did he have a snout? If John questioned whether his wife had been a werewolf for a long time, why couldn't he see that she was a werewolf? Had she avoided the full moon every month? Did she look different on this night? If so, how did he react to seeing her in werewolf form? Was there a full moon that night?
By the end of the story, I still didn't fully understand John. If you choose to expand this story, I think it would help readers immensely to know what drove him to such an unfeeling place where his wife was concerned. He never gave me the impression that he was heartbroken over what was happening to her. He didn't seem conflicted at all by what he had to do, and at one point he makes a pretty cold, snide remark about her (in paragraph five). I had the impression that he hated or despised her, yet he referred to her as his wife (not ex-) and said the house on the hill belonged to both of them. I would enjoy learning some back story on John to help bring his personality into sharper focus, and have a better understanding of his relationship with his wife prior to the events in this story.
 Grammar/Spelling Oops: Great job with the edit process of this story. It's tightly written and flows nicely. I only noticed a couple problems:
Normally, he would have his entire squad involved, but this time, it involved his wife and he feared the worst for her. -- I think the third comma is misplaced. I suggest this edit: Normally, he would have his entire squad involved, but this time it involved his wife, and he feared the worst for her.
The saying was that a member of the squad didn’t rise in the ranks unless they had lost someone dear to them and now John qualified for the title. -- Missing a comma after "them"
Somehow, Gina, his servant, was still alive and begging not to be. --  LOVE this sentence!! I would take out the comma after "Somehow"
...whom John felt certain ‘was’ the werewolf who... -- There is no grammatical reason to surround the word "was" with single quotation marks. If you want to emphasize the word, I suggest using italics instead.
...he muttered to himself, but knew she would hear his words. -- Since you use a comma before the conjunction "but," I suggest making the clause that follows it independent by adding "he": ...he muttered to himself, but he knew she would hear his words.
His self pity was short lived when he notice his hips and loin area was completely covered in slime. -- "his hips and loin area were completely covered"
Moments before, he had wondering at the absence of pain... -- Either of these suggestions will work: Moments before, he had been wondering about the absence of pain... --OR-- Moments before, he had wondered about the absence of pain...
 There are some great bones to this story! I was fully engaged from beginning to end, and I re-read the piece several times. Each time I got more out of it, and with each reading my appreciation grew for your wonderful writing style and strong descriptive voice. I think writing within strict word count limits is an excellent exercise, one that teaches us the fine art of writing concise sentences and choosing high impact vocabulary. On the other hand, like my sister and I say all the time, you need words to tell a story! Now that the constraints have been lifted for this piece, I encourage you to expand what you have here. Bring more depth to your character development and explore ways to weave the plot closer together, closing the gaps and filling it out with back story. It is already a great story, but its potential is boundless!
Thanks for sharing your talent with me!
 Nicki
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I was deeply engaged with this story right to the end, but I was left feeling like it ended too soon. The exposition and rising action were pretty good, and I was just beginning to sense the central conflicts facing the main character. But there was no climax scene and no resolution. I encourage you to add to this story and develop for this engaging scene a sense of the bigger picture.
Nicki
Nicki
) But you definitely don't fall into the catagory with the masses. Your humorous writing is unique in many ways, and stems from a wealth of experiences endured by a person who refuses to take life too seriously. I've been reading through your pieces in this folder and enjoyed each one.
Look for repetition in your writing where the use of synonyms or a different approach can add greater interest to the sentence. For example:
“You wouldn’t dare. I'd tell on you.”
I will roll the virtual dice on October 26th to determine the winner of the 5000 gps. I will post the winner in the challenge forum and email him/her directly. Good luck!
~ Nicki ~
