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1,475 Public Reviews Given
1,529 Total Reviews Given
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Honest and encouraging
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Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
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Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
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Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
There were some amazing descriptions in the opening section which set the scene and gave me a clear idea of the characters. I liked the way in which you chose characters with contrasting personalities and this comes across through their dress and behaviour.
This chapter revealed more about the sci-fi world and most of the details were clear and easy to understand as they came across in a way where the reader could use there knowledge of modern life to understand them. For example, I imagine a flitter is somewhat like a quick helicopter, and the descriptions of the living quarters on the flying ship that Sigurd is on make it relatable.
Sigurd's interest in the murder comes across in true detective style, and we learn more about how the death occurred with a blow to the head and the disappearance of Mrs. Torrance. I liked the ending where Sigurd has suspicions about Elam and why he might be on the planet. He clearly feels an affinity to him from first impressions, but I think he will uncover some interesting information about Elam's past given my reading of Chapter 1.

The plot was easy to follow and worked well, with a good mix of dialogue and description. I just have a few questions about this chapter:
I wondered if Volknut needed some explanation? I'll look back over Chapter 1 to see if it was explained there, but if not perhaps you should give some indication of its meaning here?
You have a capital I in Sigurd's name here: 'SIgurd narrowed his eyes.' Ah, I see only the first Sigurd had a small 'i' now. Perhaps that needs changing and you mean to have the second letter capitalised? This seems unusual, but maybe you mean the name to be out of the ordinary to fit the sci-fi theme.
377
377
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
What a tense start - I'm pleased Von Pearl arrived to save Amarisa. I like how she fell asleep without hearing he wanted her to sail away with him at first. This story is romantic, well-written and full of twists.
378
378
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great essay - very though-provoking. I admired how much research you put into this. With Christian beliefs at the time influencing Shakespeare so strong, it was good that you based this piece around contemporary Christian definitions of evil, including things like Adam and Eve and Original Sin.
Aaron in 'Titus Andronicus' and Richard III are perfect examples of evil. I also find Iago in 'Othello' a compellingly evil villain, even more so because he is manipulative and at first Othello doesn't see through him. Shakespeare created some memorable villains.
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379
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I love how you included the inspiration for this story first - what a great experience seeing the Captain Jack lookalike and the Pirate shop!
This story was gripping and I felt for Amaisa and the sad life she led. She is a nice girl and works so hard with the candle making and at the bar. The story ends on a cliffhanger and I hope that Von Pearl will save her from the awful Spanish soldier, Carlos. I was sorry this story ended - is there any more?
380
380
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a lovely cover, very intriguing and eye catching. I love the atmospheric dark clouds and rainbow with the child reaching towards it. Is the photo your own or supplied by the publisher? I look forward to reading these poems next.
I have finished 'Kit's Tryst' - what a lovely read! I thought you might like to see my review of the book on Amazon UK, so here is a link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kits-Tryst-Victoria-McCul...
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381
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful poem and I enjoyed reading every word and meditating on the meaning behind it. I like how you applied a message from the Bible to the plot of the Lord of the Rings. I find the simile between the story of Aragorn's sword and the quote from Hebrews very apt. I also enjoyed your use of poetic form and language commonly found in epic poems to make this sound like it would be in its place in either the Bible or the Lord of the Rings.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of On Beauty  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A thoughtful and well-written poem. This poem takes the common association of birdsong and music to new levels as you use a piece of Classical music to inspire the poetic scheme of this piece. The imagery works well and I liked how the poem develops into a musing of the loves and losses of life.
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Review of Ever Near To You  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a pretty, thoughtful poem. I have been reading the lovely portfolio of writing by Princess Megan Rose for months now and we chat regularly through reviews, so it was nice to see how well you did her justice here. She is a talented writer and a kind and generous lady. I enjoyed seeing how you used poetic form here and it inspired me to get back to writing poems after a gap. It is fun manipulating a message to fit a poetic form. This poem had some spectacular imagery. My favourites are:
'A field of gold,
how fragile, like a stick of bamboo,
is your story told.'

And:
'Like a wishful dream of whalebacks,
like a tale with a cul-de-sac,
like a little girl in blue-black,
your eyes are a mystery.'
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384
Review of What Do You See?  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I like how you refer to the castle in the sky at the start and end of this colourful poem. The ball sounds lovely with the unicorns and dancing in the beautiful castle setting. I thought that it was very original and creative to have frogs decorating the castle and lobsters giving a tour of the castle. I also loved the idea of the Princess arriving riding a deer and I could just picture this.
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385
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.0)
The storyline was original and memorable and full of far-fetched humour.
The falling meteor was a nice touch and I liked the allusion to the wish on the falling star being used by Carole as part of her unconventional dream to become and eating machine.
The long list of foods consumed and Carole's trips to the food court and ice cream and cake shops were well described and amusing.
The ending where Carole turns into a blob was a fitting and intriguing ending and left the reader with a cliffhanger.
Overall, the writing style is accomplished and the story flowed well. It was easy to follow and the chapters were a nice length.

I would like to know what is behind Carole's eating obsession? Is there maybe some event in her childhood for instance, or comfort eating? Rather than simply laughing at her and stigmatising her, you'd think people would try to help and get her to go for therapy and be bemused that she doesn't see overeating as a problem. Maybe this might be another funny episode in the story.
Watch out for point of view. There were a few places where the point of view wavered from Carole e.g. Melanie scoffing at Carole saying she loves eating as she has used the excuse before came across as Melanie's thoughts. Place them more firmly as Carole's by having Carole see Melanie scoff and remember that she made excuses before and Melanie looks to her like she has had enough of them. Another part was near the end when Carole becomes an inhuman blob and some of this includes sentences that sound like a narrator talking rather than Carole's thoughts.
When you are writing a number under ten, write it in letters not numbers e.g. third, five.
You have an extra comma here: continued to fuel Carole’s happiness,,


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
386
386
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a great story idea and incorporates the prompt words well. I love stories with fairy folklore and this blends magical details with a natural setting as Ned and his owner are out for a walk. The setting was well described and the piece flowed in an effective way. Well done!
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387
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a fascinating piece. I love studying literature, but I haven't read much about Boswell before. I was amazed at the level of detail that you went into in researching his life and times. This was well-written and progressed naturally, showing his character, interesting but awkward relationship with his father, what prompted him to a literary career, his interest in the theatre, and how his career progressed. The quotes were lovely - it was nice having the descriptions of how London and other places Boswell knew looked, and also to get inside his head through reading his actual words.
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388
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did a lovely job of summing up Diana’s life. I like the way you created a picture of her childhood and then showed the little girl growing up through the events in her life, hopes and dreams. I never knew she wanted to be a ballet dancer. What a shame about the height restriction as she would have been good. The piece flowed well and you did a great job packing such a vivid life story into a short space.
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Review of Homecoming  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well written short story related to the world of your sci-if novels. The opening lines worked well at capturing my interest. I liked how you introduced the background of Illora and presented her memories in a realistic way. Some things, like the smell of her mother’s hair, are easily imagined, yet others are unusual such as the father hacking computers and the Terran Galactic Task Force.
My review of Hellhounds should be on Amazon now.
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Review of S.R.M.S.  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story vividly set the scene in the spaceship. The spaceship terminology worked well at placing the reader in the story and conveying the familiarity of Scott and Ben with space travel. The appearance of the girl was a surprise and added intrigue to the plot. Marianna is a lovely, apt name for a space travel theme. The monsters were well described and scary. I liked the wording of the ending which conveys a happily ever after end.

For the opening line, complete focus felt as if it might be improved with a more descriptive word than complete e.g. Scott’s focus was gripped by...
Maybe you might add some actions of descriptions of how Scott and Ben react emotionally amongst the sections where there is currently just dialogue?
In two places in the middle of the story there are paragraphs breaking up lines by mistake that you might want to check out.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of May Angels Watch  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a pretty poem that sounds like a song or hymn when spoken out loud. The opening images of angels watching from a lighthouse was unusual but perfect because it conjures an image of the distance, sense of hope and brightness and saving from darkness usually associated with angels watching over mankind. The poem would be nice in a card with its sentiments about family. There was some nice imagery, like morning dew and blue skies. Obviously you put a lot of thought into this.
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392
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
The Jane Austen cookie cutter is a lovely idea but I would feel bad eating Jane even if she was a gingerbread! The Jane Austen shop has some lovely things. I love the teapots and pretty notebooks.
I didn’t know that about how Colin Firth viewed Darcy. Yes, Auden Turner would make a good Darcy for a new adaptation.
I still haven’t seen Love and Friendship, although I have seen most other Jane Austen movies. Is it good?
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393
Review of Memories of Santa  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nicely written piece, well ordered and easy to follow. I enjoyed how you different from the expected Santa idea (St Nicholas who delivers Christmas gifts to children) to speak about a man who spreads the Christian message in real life and brings happiness to children, I liked the part at the end where he was dressed as a pirate the day before his passing - what an inspirational story. Having someone who electrifies the message at church after it sometimes becomes routine is something I’m sure all church goers can relate to.
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Review of Great First Lines  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on first lines, which, as you say, are essential in encouraging people to read on. It was nice having the favourite picks.
The example juxtapose the ordinary and extraordinary, set the scene and create a sense of interest and movement, intrigue the reader and suggest that the story opens with an important change in the life of the key character.
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Review of owl love story  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very cute story and I loved the idea of a princess owl falling in love with an ordinary owl. The story was easy to follow and the short line lengths make it ideal for young readers.
You might want to cut down on the exclamation marks that you use as it's better to use them sparingly in writing. Also, some of the first words of sentences weren't capitalised which would improve the reading experience and be grammatically correct.
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396
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is truly one of the best stories I’ve read for a while- you should definitely think about publishing it.
The story is strongly in the vein of a fairytale in its style and reminded me of a pantomime with its humour and visual sequences like the Duke in his footed pyjamas and the scene where the family thwart the Duke and free the Imp. The repetitions e.g. about the rope and digging spoon, add to the effect. The idea of Amanda being a cat and her brother an imp trapped in the patchwork quilt were original and memorable. There were some great descriptions and naturalistic dialogue that made this a fun read.
Some suggestions:
Perhaps you might introduce the names of Tilly and Tilly earlier in the opening and describe how they each look? I’ve read in writing advice that opening with a disembodied quote should be avoided. I also wondered if there might be a few more interruptions from Tolly as Tilly tells the story? You have a couple but another one or two parts where he interrupts might be good.

I love the idea of this being a story within a story and I hope Tilly had more such tales to tell for readers on WDC.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a well written and enjoyable read. I liked how you brought in the usual interesting and sinister connotations of 666 and added your own musings about what the number may mean. This struck me as thoughtful and original.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This was a nicely written poem with some lovely elements like the pet pandas. Making beauty products for a job must be fun, I've tired making some myself using recipes. It came as a surprise that Klaus was Shunlee's father and that she could turn into a dragon too. An original and enjoyable read.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Goodness, what a sweet story. The twist with the romance and the mermaids was unexpected. I am impressed how many twists in the plot you packed into a short space with the story of Ginger actually being a mermaid turned into a bear, her saving the day when there is a break in and eventually being reunited with her true love, Danton. This was very sweet and I liked the ending about the bears living forever - seeing teddy bears in museums this is true!

In this sentence you mean all: Alison was al packed to leave for college.
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Review of Doggie Time  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A lovely piece that any dog lover can relate to. I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment that it would be nice to be reincarnated as a well loved pet dog, they have carefree lives. I hope your dog recovers well from his dentist trip and enjoys the chicken!
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