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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hollymerry/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/14
Review Requests: ON
1,474 Public Reviews Given
1,528 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and encouraging
I'm good at...
Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
Least Favorite Genres
Murder, horror, erotica
Favorite Item Types
I’m happy to review all types of item
I will not review...
Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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Review of Seaweed  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an amazing poem about the sea and an approaching storm and the damage this causes. The poem evokes a strong image of the sea and I felt like I was part of the scene as I read this. I especially admired your wonderful use of alliteration. The 's' and 'f' alliterations conjure the sound of waves. The choice of words was lovely.

Here you mean 'to' -
too
and fro
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Review of Melodious Genius  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful, tuneful poem that tells a love story. It would make a good song as the poetic form lends itself to a melodic reading. The poem concentrates on the senses and thoughts of someone in love. This is presented in a way that isn't specific, so that anyone in love could relate to this.
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Review of Dog  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this poem using an unusual poetic form. It was great that you explained the diamanté at the bottom of the poem so I could look back and see how you constructed it. As a dog owner myself, I can relate to all the adjectives that you used and I think you did an excellent job of including so many in a short space.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the use of 's' and 'l' alliteration here - the choice of these letters makes the poem sound like a lollipop being slurped by a child as I read this outloud. The poem is short but uses all the main sensory images one associates with a lollipop. I could easily picture Lesley with her lollipop from this - week done.
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Review of Job Wanted  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This in an interesting story which relived heavily on dialogue which disguises the identity of the speakers until nearer the end. A twist occurs as we learn that one speaker is lightening. Humour is added as the human he speaks to knows they must file and insurance claim for the damage to their house. Readers pick up clues as they read along and are kept guessing until the end.
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Review of Midnight Spirit  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can't wait to read the end of this - you end this fragment of the poem on a cliffhanger! I love the spooky tone of the poem and how you use the senses to make readers feel like they are part of the poem and can feel the chill of dread for themselves. The descriptions are excellent. I like how you use the poetic form and choice of words and setting to create a historic feel - this comes across well.
I would suggest adding more punctuation to make this poem clearer to read. I find a lot of modern poems without punctuation, but I find I need to reread the lines to tease out their meaning which means they have a less powerful impact on the first read.
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Review of Daystar  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a powerful, well-written poem with a strong message. I especially admired the imagery that you chose - the refusal of humanity to learn from the messages of the past about war seen in statues and museums was a particularly poignant one. The images of a world falling into catastrophe, both through war and environmental damage, are especially meaningful. You imagine a vision of future humanity that is easy to picture and dramatic. The religious imagery of Noah, demons and God is also an apt choice.
The poem follows a clear structure and rhythm, but I found that the lack of punctuation made it a little difficult to follow at times as I needed to re-read sentences to understand their meaning. I see a lot of modern poems without punctuation, so this may just be a trend, but I always prefer to read poems where the punctuation is clear as I find their meaning clearer to follow on the first read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved reading about the Vahid poem form and seeing how you interpreted it in the poem - I haven’t heard of this form before. The imagery made me feel part of the scene. I like how you contrast everyday, perhaps ugly or dull images like the septic tank and hen coop, with the beauty of spring. You use the senses well and the poem is easy to follow.
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Review of Moon  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an evocative, poignant poem that perfect conveys the beauty of the moon and gives the waning of the moon a deeper sentiment as you relate it to loss. Even though the poem is only short, it gives a clear image of the waning moon and its meaning and the flow of words is effortless. I’m not surprised this well crafted poem won a contest.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is such a sweet, funny poem perfect to put a smile on the face of readers. The Christmas theme works well and the references to Santa add a festive flavour that would appeal to children. The rhythm and rhyme scheme give the poem the effect of a rap song, which fits the title.
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Review of Magic Garden  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is lovely - a simple and memorable logo. The colours are perfect for Hallowe'en. I like how the physalis (Chinese lantern) flowers mirror the shape of the pumpkins. They are an original choice for a Hallowe'en illustration but work well. The witch with her spade is a clue to the 'magic garden' theme.
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337
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a beautifully put short piece. I admired how you conjured such a meaningful, emotional picture in a few short words. The thought is a poignant one and this piece would make a great opening for a story. I see it was inspired by a scene in iZombie, but this piece has universal impact and meaning.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a thorough, thoughtful insight into the characters of Elsa and Cinderella. I'm amazed at how much you found to compare and contrast. I agree they have many similarities, despite differences. This would make them great friends and I would love to see a story where they meet and have tea together. Their lives are so romantic and you capture the flavour of these beautiful fairytales well here.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a heart-felt and interesting piece. It makes it easy to see why you feel that Christmas is a let down as it brings back memories of living in cramped conditions and losing the only gift of Christmas. The undecorated, small home and Father Christmas calling were well described. Another thing adding meaning to the piece was how early Christmas movies are. Sometimes starting Christmas so early with items in the shops and the hype of Christmas movies makes the day seem shorter and something of a let-down.
This piece works well and if anything I would like to see it expanded if word limits allow.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a lovely idea and I enjoyed reading these interviews, especially as I have reviewed the work of many of the WDC authors here so I feel like I already 'know' them. Others are new to me and I will be sure to revisit this piece to read the links to their stories. It was nice to know what authors inspire them and where they get their writing ideas from. Thanks for putting this together.
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Review of Ailurophobia  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This short story is full of twists and has such a creepy ending! At first, the mood is light-hearted and one of humour as Daniel prepares for his date and is concerned about meeting Sierra's cat. The reader thinks this will be quickly overcome, perhaps with a moment of humour as he is afraid of a harmless cat. However, by switching to the perspective of Cheri the cat you reveal that she is actually a vampire who lives off negative human emotions. This adds a sinister edge to Sierra's calm personality. As the story develops, it gets darker as Cheri causes Daniel's death. The hint about the baby at the end is especially dark and a good cliff-hanger. Overall, this story works well and I enjoyed the switches in tone and mood and the original concept of the vampire cat.
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Review of E-asy  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem was written in response to an interesting challenge. Es are used so commonly in words that I'm amazed how, if I hadn't read the title, I would never have known there was anything different about this poem. The poetic form worked well and the concept was solid with a clear message. I imagine this poem must have taken some thought to write!
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Review of Cat's Eyes  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
It was interesting to have the explanation of the chinquain and to see how you followed the format in this poem.
From reading this poem, I realise that the cats on Cabot's Landing may be seen as more than just pets by the people who are feeding them. I feel that including the poem is a great idea as it gives readers a clue that they must pay attention to the mentions of the cats in the story in order to understand what might be going on. The same goes with the Exaltationists as it opens the eyes of readers to how important they are in the story.
The most striking thing about this poem for me is how true it is. Having owned a cat, I know how they show a strong sense of self and superiority in their interaction with humans, and that is conveyed succinctly here in the final two lines.

Does 'Into' need to be capitalised since it is the second word in the third line?
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful, heart-warming piece about the power of nature to help you feel connected with loved ones even though they are lost. I could clearly feel a sense of your Dad's spirit throughout the piece and you wrote with such soul here. The piece works well because it is well-written and I could easily picture the natural scenes. I like how nature had a deeper meaning as a way for the family to bond and get through the pain of loss and as a conveyor of God's word. The photographs you took sound lovely and it's nice to see the photo attached to this piece.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great, heart-felt poem full of emotion and drama. I loved the imagery that you chose with the opening stanza conveying the feeling of drowning. This contrasts to happiness. The emotions are strongly conveyed and the way the speaker of the poem wants to love the person who reaches out to them but feels torn at the same time thinking they may get hurt is totally relatable. I like how you don't name the speaker of the poem or give them a gender because this mean anyone can relate to this poem.
These were probably my favourite lines:
'Happieness is something i havent mapped yet
I guess i have to try'

I noticed you use some capital 'I' and some small 'i' in the poem. You need capital 'I' throughout.
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Review of Summer Princess  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a beautiful poem and a lovely story. I like how you contrast summer and winter throughout and I felt the closing lines did a great job of explaining why you chose to make the princess a summer princess. The unicorn, dragons, mermaids and getting married in a white velvet gown in winter were nice touches and easy to picture. I also like the twist there the princess is a Celtic warrior princess.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This poem has a lovely epic, legendary quality and uses the prompt words well. The story it tells feels like a song sung by a bard in a fantasy land. The scene was easy to picture and the rhyme scheme gives this a musical quality. I am intrigued to learn what a dragon moon is. This story feels like it has scope beyond the poem.
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Review of A Note To Pray  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a beautifully reflective poem. The tone and pace of the poem suit its mood perfectly. You have done an excellent job in encapsulating the meaning and atmosphere of the Thanksgiving season. The descriptions of the meal fan out to include the historical context and deeper spiritual meaning of the day. The poem flows well and is a restful and appealing read.
I noticed that you used 'place' twice in the final stanza. I wondered if another word might be used for the second mention to avoid repetition so close together? The first is part of they rhyme scheme so shouldn't be changed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Hallmark Memory  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece does a great job of conveying musings about childhood memories. It shows how some memories are clear to picture, whilst others have become hazy, such as whether the piglet survived. I would like to know how you escaped from the curious sows if you recall that - did you go into the loft and get to safety from there? I loved the story about your parents thinking you were missing when you went to visit your grandparents on their farm, the story about the boy learning to drive a snow plough tractor and the details about the outside trough bathtub and pump by the sink. You capture the distinctiveness of farm life which encourages hardiness and independence from a young age well.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
What I like best:
The opening like was striking and made me want to read on to find out more about Dran, who his foe is and why he is fighting. It creates a sense of tension and immediately positions the reader in the middle of the action.
You do a great job of describing Solarene and Dran's varying feelings about her. I could clearly picture her from the description. As you reveal some of her story piece by piece I share Dran's concern that he may get into danger helping her. As a reader, I also want him to get involved in her resistance against her father as it promises to be an exciting adventure and I'm sure there are more dramatic details to uncover.
The part where Solarene uses magic to stun her father's men was a surprise and excellently described. This revelation of her powers is intriguing, even more so as she denies being a witch.
Chapter 2 is nicely written. I enjoyed the descriptions of the characters camping out at night. After the dramatic events of the first chapter, this chapter allows readers to rest and process the action that took place. It also adds realism to the dramatic fantasy action and shows the characters beginning to bond.

Some suggestions:
Here, the comma should be after 'his last' rather than after 'gasped' - 'The man gasped, his last falling face down in his own blood.'
In the first paragraph, I think the appearance of the girl would be more dramatic if 'A slight movement...' formed a new paragraph.
'Then he stopped gaping at a girl standing before him' might be made more immediate if it was: 'He stopped, gaping at a girl standing before him.'
“Hello.” She said with a small smile' might be altered to 'She gave a small smile. "Hello." to give the reader a clearer picture of who is speaking and her expression first.
'There will be more of the Baron’s men here soon,” her manner, typically chastising as expected of a high born, Dran glared at her crossly' would be better as: There will be more of the Baron’s men here soon.” Her manner was typically chastising, as expected of a high born. Dran glared at her crossly.'
'Having seen what occurred through the window and even felt his ears ring, Dran stepped out, looking around in amazement; he turned to stare in shock at Solarene.' I think it's obvious that Dran saw what happened through the window, so that part can be removed. I would recommend changing this to: His ears still ringing from the shockwaves of Solarene's power, Dran stepped out, looking around in amazement. He turned to stare in shock at Solarene.'
I would recommend starting a new paragraph at this sentence: 'Solarene nodded numbly as Dran dismounted and helped her down.'
I notice that you use a number of semi-colons throughout this piece. One of the published authors who runs the novel workshop that I am part of noticed I used semi-colons in my chapters and told me that editors nearly always alter them as they don't like to see semi-colons in fiction. Just passing this on...
The novel workshop I am with is the Cross Timbers Novel Workshop on WDC and I have found it very helpful to improve my fantasy novel. I thought I'd let you know so you can check it out as they are always happy to have new members.
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