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51
51
Review of Happiness Is...  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (3.0)
A Poetry Review for
Happiness Is...  (E)
Plays with the question of defining happiness
#1084839 by Meldew


Thank you for requesting a review in
"Invalid Item" 


It is a forum for poetry scoring.
This is NOT intended as a general review, but rather to offer my own
unique and occasionally insightful assessment of your poem through scores in 11
specific categories I feel make or break a poem. This is intended to assist a critical
self examining poet.

The Following are the Categories of Scoring a
description of what each category is, and the score that has been given in
each. The Final Score, or tally of all the categories,
dictates the rating given for the poem. A chart for those scores can be found
in the forum.



Emotional Impact: Does this item make me feel a particular way. Does it
stay in that mood?
Do fresh imagery, metaphor and/or solid word choice support it?
This is scored on a 1 to 10 scale. SCORE= 7

Fluidity: Does this item read through without a stop or re-read caused
by a lack of rhythm, rhyme, meter, confusing images or poor word choice that
causes confusion?
This is rated 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Blend: In every poem, the subject and pace should have camaraderie. If
you write about loss, and have a singsong cadence/meter/rhythm, it will feel
weird. When they blend, the two combine to enhance the writing.
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 4

Metaphor, imagery, other devices etc.: Are they original? Are they used
properly with the subject and emotion? Does it follow a theme, or are they used
well in contrast? Do the words used for them fit the idea and the rest of the
poem?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Grammar and Punctuation: Has the intent been conveyed clearly? Has
anything had to be reread to see the correct path? Is it over punctuated like a
book? Is it under punctuated when some is needed?
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 4

Depth of understanding: Is the subject matter fully conveyed? Is the
feel and idea vivid? If there is elusiveness or ambiguity, is it intentional?
If it is intentional, does it channel a stream of consciousness, or evoke
thought?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Words: Words are the paintbrush. Is the poem filled with useless wasted
connector words? Is it always telling? Has each choice – every word been
selected as the best choice? Is there a destructive repetition of words? Are
they natural and compatible?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 7

Structure: Is this a form? If so, does it meet the requirements, and to
what degree? Does it fit the form without being forced in place?
Is it free verse? If so, is there a rhythm to each line, and thought? Are
devices such as alliteration, onomatopoeia, assonance, metaphor etc. used?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Rhythm, Rhyme scheme: Whether forced by form or followed as a scheme, the rhyme
needs to be natural, cohesive, unforced and not the main element of the poem.
Like a well used metaphor, the rhyme should be something that binds the feel
and idea to the rhythm. Does the meter jump around and feel truncated or
disturbed by the rhyme? Do the words and lines flow effortlessly?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 5

Originality/Uniqueness: Is this different? Does it tell something in a
new way? What perspective has this given about the author, or subject matter?
Are devices combined in a new and different way? Is there a hidden element to
this?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Overall Impact: Breathless scale; somewhere between disinterested and
deeply moved.
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6


Score totals ~ SCORE TOTAL = 63 (7,6,4,6,4,6,7,6,5,6,6 )

Thank you and good luck with your poem and poetry.

Mark
52
52
Review by Mark
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
A Poetry Review for {bitem:}

Thank you for requesting a review in "Invalid Item" 


It is a forum for poetry scoring.
This is NOT intended as a general review, but rather to offer my own unique and occasionally insightful assessment of your poem through scores in 11 specific categories I feel make or break a poem.

The Following are the Catagories of Scoring a description of what each category is, and the score that has been given in each. The Final Score, or tally of all the catagories, dictates the rating given for the poem. A chart for those scores can be found in the forum.



Emotional Impact: Does this item make me feel a particular way. Does it stay in that mood?
Do fresh imagery, metaphor and/or solid word choice support it?
This is scored on a 1 to 10 scale. SCORE= 4

Fluidity: Does this item read through without a stop or re-read caused by a lack of rhythm, rhyme, meter, confusing images or poor word choice that causes confusion?
This is rated 1 to 10 SCORE= 4

Blend: In every poem, the subject and pace should have camaraderie. If you write about loss, and have a singsong cadence/meter/rhythm, it will feel weird. When they blend, the two combine to enhance the writing.
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 4

Metaphor, imagery, other devices etc.: Are they original? Are they used properly with the subject and emotion? Does it follow a theme, or are they used well in contrast? Do the words used for them fit the idea and the rest of the poem?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 3

Grammar and Punctuation: Has the intent been conveyed clearly? Has anything had to be reread to see the correct path? Is it over punctuated like a book? Is it under punctuated when some is needed?
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 6

Depth of understanding: Is the subject matter fully conveyed? Is the feel and idea vivid? If there is elusiveness or ambiguity, is it intentional? If it is intentional, does it channel a stream of consciousness, or evoke thought?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 4

Words: Words are the paintbrush. Is the poem filled with useless wasted connector words? Is it always telling? Has each choice – every word been selected as the best choice? Is there a destructive repetition of words? Are they natural and compatible?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 4

Structure: Is this a form? If so, does it meet the requirements, and to what degree? Does it fit the form without being forced in place?
Is it free verse? If so, is there a rhythm to each line, and thought? Are devices such as alliteration, onomatopoeia, assonance, metaphor etc. used?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 4

Rhyme scheme: Whether forced by form or followed as a scheme, the rhyme needs to be natural, cohesive, unforced and not the main element of the poem. Like a well used metaphor, the rhyme should be something that binds the feel and idea to the rhythm. Does the meter jump around and feel truncated or disturbed by the rhyme?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Originality/Uniqueness: Is this different? Does it tell something in a new way? What perspective has this given about the author, or subject matter? Are devices combined in a new and different way? Is there a hidden element to this?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Overall Impact: Breathless scale: somewhere between disinterested and deeply moved.
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 4


Score totals ~ SCORE= (4,4,4,3,6,4,4,4,7,6,4) 49

Thank you,
good luck with your poem, and please come back.

Mark
53
53
Review of The Path  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (2.5)
A Poetry Review for
 The Path  (E)
A poem about life and the eternal circle which it is.
#1081014 by lostpoet25


Thank you for requesting a review in "Invalid Item" 


It is a forum for poetry scoring.
This is NOT intended as a general review, but rather to offer my own unique and occasionally insightful assessment of your poem through scores in 11 specific categories I feel make or break a poem.

The Following are the Catagories of Scoring a description of what each category is, and the score that has been given in each. The Final Score, or tally of all the catagories, dictates the rating given for the poem. A chart for those scores can be found in the forum.



Emotional Impact: Does this item make me feel a particular way. Does it stay in that mood?
Do fresh imagery, metaphor and/or solid word choice support it?
This is scored on a 1 to 10 scale. SCORE= 3

Fluidity: Does this item read through without a stop or re-read caused by a lack of rhythm, rhyme, meter, confusing images or poor word choice that causes confusion?
This is rated 1 to 10 SCORE= 4

Blend: In every poem, the subject and pace should have camaraderie. If you write about loss, and have a singsong cadence/meter/rhythm, it will feel weird. When they blend, the two combine to enhance the writing.
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 3

Metaphor, imagery, other devices etc.: Are they original? Are they used properly with the subject and emotion? Does it follow a theme, or are they used well in contrast? Do the words used for them fit the idea and the rest of the poem?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 5

Grammar and Punctuation: Has the intent been conveyed clearly? Has anything had to be reread to see the correct path? Is it over punctuated like a book? Is it under punctuated when some is needed?
This is scored 1 to 5 SCORE= 4

Depth of understanding: Is the subject matter fully conveyed? Is the feel and idea vivid? If there is elusiveness or ambiguity, is it intentional? If it is intentional, does it channel a stream of consciousness, or evoke thought?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 5

Words: Words are the paintbrush. Is the poem filled with useless wasted connector words? Is it always telling? Has each choice – every word been selected as the best choice? Is there a destructive repetition of words? Are they natural and compatible?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 5

Structure: Is this a form? If so, does it meet the requirements, and to what degree? Does it fit the form without being forced in place?
Is it free verse? If so, is there a rhythm to each line, and thought? Are devices such as alliteration, onomatopoeia, assonance, metaphor etc. used?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 6

Rhyme scheme: Whether forced by form or followed as a scheme, the rhyme needs to be natural, cohesive, unforced and not the main element of the poem. Like a well used metaphor, the rhyme should be something that binds the feel and idea to the rhythm. Does the meter jump around and feel truncated or disturbed by the rhyme?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 7

Originality/Uniqueness: Is this different? Does it tell something in a new way? What perspective has this given about the author, or subject matter? Are devices combined in a new and different way? Is there a hidden element to this?
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 5

Overall Impact: Breathless scale: somewhere between disinterested and deeply moved.
This is scored 1 to 10 SCORE= 3


Score totals ~ SCORE= (3,4,3,5,4,5,5,6,7,5,3) 50

Thank you,
good luck with your poem, and please come back.

Mark
54
54
Review of Joy To the World  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FOR: {suer:julietjc}

Joy To the World  (E)
A contest entry
#1030313 by Julie


Jaycee,
Let me give you my overall impression and a few comments firts:

I loved the poem!
I really enjoyed the story of it, the progression, the narrative characters impact and the imagery that brought it to life! YOu obviously put a great deal of thought into the story, or had a tremendous burst of flowing creativity. Whatever it was, I am so very glad you shared it, it is a great read.

The flow (whice is wonderfully smoth in most places0 strays in a few places and that could be fixed with a bit of effort - though the ideas flow so well, I hesitate to suggest that. The places I thought about:

Enjoying he moment as I could. ~ The?

When I had nearly reached the ground,
A great gust of wind
Picked me up and thrust me into town. nitpicky, but INTO seems to carry the flow an extra syllable (to me), I know "to" is gramatically wrong, but may work better.

Was a red-faced girl reclining in you've choosen to dangle "IN" here at the end of this line, I assume so for fit. It felt greatly out of place compared to how your other lines worked.

To be free like the snow would be a great bliss another nitpicky, but "a great bliss" is a bit awkward.
Bliss is or isn't, there aren't bits and pieces of it.

OK, thats it - I'd say anyone who likes poetry or short stories will like this, a good deal of them will love it, Thanks again!

Mark
55
55
Review of Bao Anh Tu  
Review by Mark
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow...

iam in Awe of the emotion, mood and vibrant feel this ripped from me. I couldn't read it in one pass - it was too strong.

I read this while on a short break at work, and it instantly brought me the stories I heard, the look I saw in my uncles eyes when he described horrors of Nam to me.

Wow...this is stunningly good/dark/harsh/real
thank you, and excuse me, I need to wipe my eyes and blow my nose now.
Mark
56
56
Review by Mark
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
When Momma Said Grace  (13+)
We'd never been a praying sorta family...
#949337 by Wenston


Only a few times, Wenston.

Only a few times since I have been a member of WC have I read someting that I believed to be of not just sellable quality, but gobble it up - I wanna read more quality.

You have added to that list with this short story.
Delightful writing, I loved the flow and subtle use of language to make a point, and to imply disposition.
Engrossing - I read everyword waiting anxiously for the next. I was almost instantly attached emotionally, and the story was interesting and well developed. The character interaction was perfect.

Great work, I hope everyone gets a chance to read this.

Mark R
iammark301
57
57
Review by Mark
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
A REVIEW FOR:
Affair in My Office & Other Comic Poetry  (ASR)
About a strange computer, a dog's-eye wedding view, an ode to spaghetti, who needs love
#963264 by revdbob



Revdbob,
A really big no-no (as far as I am concerned) is the very process of putting your entire poem on display here in a review. I would typically find a few items where I had issues with flow, or word selection. Sometimes punctuation is an issue. I would usually refer to these things isolated and from within a piece I review. The problem is (for me I suppose) that I find I have ideas and suggestions for nearly every line in your poem.

I NEVER DO THIS! But here I am, with your entire poem, and a comment on nearly every line.
This of course means nothing. Only that I have strong feelings for the piece. I think the whimsy here is strong enough that the potential made me do it. I also see that several others have given ratings and you have a strong 4.5.
The likelihood is I am crazy, and overboard here. BUT in the event that what I think and have to say isn’t crazy.
I offer it to you. I hope you aren’t offended, as I believe this poem has the upside to be a 5.0. (and really I wouldn’t do this if I felt otherwise).

Let me give you my overall impression and a brief description of what I did like. I liked the creativity you show here. The mood is put forth well. The topic is funny, and without being outrageous you have put together some nonsense that is enjoyable. This becomes a great poem, not just good if you tune up the hard to read spots.

An Affair in My Office <~~ Title not needed here. It has a place elsewhere.

My 'puter sat silently, waiting, waiting <~~ Needs a period, as they are used elsewhere. I believe also that “and” would work better here, or perhaps an ellipsis
No sound from its speaker and dark in its eye <~~When I read this I am distracted by the thought of finding something else that has no sound after “speaker and”
Waiting, I knew it, waiting and baiting
Its lure for something, I knew not yet why. <~~ “Its” should not be capitalized here, it gives a mental stop/start that makes the thought incongruous. Also, Knowing it and then NOT knowing it within the same sentence is very confusing, or at least to complicated for a poetic sentence? This stems from "why" needing to be "what"

When I left the room, I could feel its eye lighting— <~~”Feel” is a bit to tangible, maybe “sense” gives a better image
I knew it was on--a fact! Yes, a fact! <~~ the double dash really only needs to be a comma
I spent my time wondering, thinking and fighting
The impulse to go back and catch in the act <~~ Here you’ve told me you are thinking the urge or wondering the urge. This is not a well designed sentence. Perhaps “wondering and thinking, fighting the” as this more accurately describes what I believe you meant to say. Also, “the” is a distraction as a capitalized word. Also, "go back and catch in the act" is awkward and seems more to convey a need to go back in time. Careful with the tense.

My secretive 'puter, quietly waiting <~~ I would suggest a comma here, and getting rid of the capital on “for”.
For what? Yes, for what? I had to know! <~~ By this point I feel whimsy, but I am growing tired of the self repeating monologue.
What was it doing, as it was pretending <~~ Ok, we’ve gone here too many times, how about a clue?
To be so lifeless and stifling its glow. <~~ You just told me a minute ago that you KNEW it was on and it was a fact, not it is being suppressed or off? *Pthb* If (even later in poem) it did anything while off, it might fly here, but when it does do something, it is powered up?

I crept to the door and placing my ear
Tightly against it the better to hear, <~~ ok, again the capitol puts in a break we don’t want here. A comma after “it” is greatly needed, as it separates an action from a reason.
I heard! Yes! I heard it whispering dear <~~ Who is “dear”? I thought up until this line you’d been muttering to yourself? Or is the “dear sweet nothings”? Need a comma, or take out the capitol on “Sweet”
Sweet nothings to some other computer gear! <~~ “Some other” to me could be any – anywhere. If it is the other computer gear that is already there, the sentiment may be better served as “the other”.

"My mouse!" it cried softly, "Click to me, Sweet,"
And faintly, so faintly, a rustle, a sound--
Yes, quickly, as if a little heart beat <~~ I think the commas before and after “quickly” are a hindrance. Also, I can’t seem to get entirely what you mean here. Is there supposed to be a period after “beat”? Maybe a comma and decapitalize “A”
A clickety click! My eyes grew so round

At the marvel I heard. Could it be that the mouse
Sent love, not commands, to some machine port
In the cold calculator that lives in my house? <~~ “Sent” and “In” should not be capitalized.
Surely I'm mad! A machine cannot court!

But the clicks and the cooing grew louder until
I couldn't contain myself anymore.
I could not be quiet, no more, not still,
I turned the doorknob, threw open the door!

My mouth agape, I stared round the room.
It could not be, the sight I could see <~~ period after “see”
A sight that changed in an instant, for Zoom! <~~ the capitalized “Zoom” and the “!” addition add a significant stoppage here, when it belongs with “went it all to its place.” Maybe eliminate comma and replace “for” with “as”.
Went it all to its place. Can that be? <~~ “went” really should not be capitalized

With a blink of my eyes I no longer could see
A thing out of place, yet I knew I had seen
The mouse on my keyboard, caressing a key, <~~ Is the mouse the caresser? If it is, the comma after “keyboard” should be deleted.
A CD ejecting, a light on the screen. <~~ First “A” should not be capitalized. I think it reads better also if you eliminate the comma and use “and” here.

But more!

The books were all open, the paper a-flutter,
The pencils were rubbing erasing each other <~~ comma needed after “rubbing”
And this, I can't credit--I think I'm a nutter-- <~~ “And" should not be capitalized here, unless you end previous line with a period. Either way it works.
I swear that my notebook's becoming a mother!

Please feel free to just ignore me, but I truly hope this helps.
Also, if you do decide to revise this poem, I would love to revisit and rerate the item. Please let me know if you do.

Thank you
Mark R
Iammark
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58
58
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Beneath The Boughs of Winter's Trees  (E)
Thoughts beneath a tree
#729050 by Scott Joseph


Scott Joseph,
What a wonderful somber tale this is. This is smart writing, and excellent poetry. I like the iambic/ sing song cadence that is there in most places. It felt so strong, that it seemed to harshly distract me when it wasn’t present.

Ref:
1.) the air is cold, sunlight ill at ease  “sun”keeps the meter better, if you can make that switch

2.) this foundation holds these boughs  “this foundation” fits very well here, but the meter suffers a small bit


I ESPECIALLY LIKED that my image of a bough is full, not at all branch-like and barren like you would find in winter. And to use THAT as the image of these branches filled with snow is fantastic! It could have gone to evergreens, but they don’t conjure strong images of hearty and strong roots, so it seems further amplified.

I also loved that you capitalized “Mother” even when generalized. It adds an endearing and sensitive mood to this poem. Another very smart bit
of careful use of punctuation was NOT capitalizing Halloween. That was also brilliant, as it is too strong an image to throw into that spot, coupled
with the other “simple things” it really calmed it down.

DID NOT LIKE
Scott, I really didn’t like the line
“protect the soft spot of my head” in the 2nd stanza. Am I missing a significance here? It feels out of place. This whole stanza seems to lack a firm vision or image. The reaching was for what, the soft spot? Are they the trees branches that are fingers, or have you reached for them? I just don’t quite get what is meant here, though you have kept the mood and enough of an image that I could get past it.

This is a great little poem. I was able to visualize these events, and understand the character and his motivations! Wonderful writing here, I cannot wait to go sniff around your port some more.

Thank you,
Mark R
iammark301
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59
59
Review of Your Smile  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Your Smile  (E)
The smile of an old friend inspired me when I saw his smile again, after ten years.
#947278 by Angel Love


Angel Love,
I like the honesty this throws out at the reader.
There is no mistaken generalities. It is extremely personal, and very specific.

Because of that I will comment on an overall thought and a few opinions.

I thought when you used imagery, it was done very well.
But that where it isn't used, the poem is a bit to conversational, and a bit wordy.

There are a few places I believe the thought runs off track (of my heart ~~ as my heart?).

But overall, a nice intense look at 3 phases of 2 people through your eyes and heart.

Thank you for sharing something so personal, it is beautiful. *Bigsmile*

iammark301
Mark R
60
60
Review of Fear  
Review by Mark
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
Fear  (13+)
A Poe style poem. (Edited!) The first poem I ever wrote.
#145254 by Wenston


Wenston!
Every now and then I read a poem that shows me what it means to think. To apply ones self wholly to a poem.
It is so very clear the word selection, emotion and imagery were swirling in your head when you wrote this piece. The creativity is fantastic! Where the syllable count or rhyme is off - it is filled with rythem or the natural cadence of the words used.
I actually got the chills while reading this!

I don't know that this needs help, but there are a couple spots that perhaps could be considered for
alteration.

linger until my bode is found
but alas my heart won't sound.
This fees akward, and could flow a bit better.

crumble into nothing
nothing that will fill me
I would try "nothingness" here twice, and eliminate "that"

and I fear my mind will crumble
delete "and" try "here"?
aside from these (unneeded) suggestions, this poem is Grade A, Choice Beef!

I HOPE EVERYONE READS THIS POEM, AND APPRECIATES IT THE WAY I HAVE

Thank you for fillling my day with your words!

Mark
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61
61
Review by Mark
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 A Bullet in Disguise  (13+)
Here is a free verse about a break up.
#951059 by Apryl


Apryl,
The metaphor used works well here.
It is carried progressively throughout, and that gives this depth.

I had some trouble reading. In a free verse, there should be a rhythm flowing, even when there is no rhyming. In traditional poetry, when rhyming is not used, a heavy reliance goes to
syllable count, or a rhythmic feel.
This fel half way between. You used a pereated stanza, whice worked very well here, but you would not do this in free verse (I think?).

I felt like you also gave in to this stanza, maybe left it alone because it wrote quickly?
It seems out of place, like it doesn't add anything to the poem: Lashing back?
"Give me your hand.
I'll pull you under <~~I'd add a comma here if
To the place where you leave this as is)
You left me to drown.

If you convert this to traditional poetry, try substituting "down" for "drown".

This is strong, but needs a little clarity to its statement. Good luck. Oh, you want to give this a 13+ rating too, thanks.
Mark
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62
62
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 The Write Genre Selection  (E)
Gain maximum exposure for your items with a few simple steps on the Create an Item Page
#913913 by NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth


Robin,
This is fantastic information. Thank you for putting this in a format I can understand (no easy task!). I will be using this a an occasional reference tool. Im sure most of us newbies need to know these things. I had some idea, but this really helped.
The page is put together well, is easy to read, and is very comprehensive.
Excellent work!

Mark R
iammark301
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63
63
Review of Kaos  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Kaos  (E)
Dedicated to my love Kaos.
#952170 by B.N.Collins


Dear B.N.Collins,
Lets start off by saying that this is a captured moment. Assuming that is true, and you are not being metaphorical, this is tender and sweet. It is also a vulnerability to the comforted one in the poem. Though it is a tribute, only you can answer if that is appropriate to present to your love.

A TECHNICAL-ISH READ: As far as visualizing the story, I was confused in the message. You are watching, - he feels pain –as an outsider – or for being different, and you love him and want to protect him. THAT brings you to your final line. And that made no sense to me, felt incomplete. The feelings may be there, but not derived from that moment. If you rephrased it to take the connotation if conclusion away, it would be a nice summary line.

AN EMOTIONAL READ: This is lovely as it is. If these moments are precious and fit what you are trying to convey – stick with it. It is not too sappy to ever say how you feel, or how deeply you feel it. The two of you can know the moment, no one else can. If it is defining, you’ve got what you’re looking for.

There are many ways to rewrite this if you wish, just continue to let it come from your heart. *Bigsmile*

Mark R
iammark301
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64
64
Review of night and day  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (3.5)

A REVIEW FOR:
 night and day  (E)
Joined Haiku Night and day life goes on.
#939645 by dmack


Dmack,

I have just learned how and what a haiku is, so I am a novice here, but let me comment on a few things.
I believe the haiku is supposed to have 3 seperate but related images in the 3 lines, along with the counts 5,7,5.

If you eliminate the commas - these CAN be read as individual images, and that is a good thing.
Make sure (see below) to demonstrate the image as its own self sustaining thought even though it is linked to the others. Be more present tense to show this.

"Fiery sun rises,
Setting horizon ablaze ~rewrite as~>Horizon setting ablaze?
A new day is born."

These are nice, good imagery for haiku!
Mark R
iammark301
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65
65
Review of A Day Spent  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FOR:
A Day Spent  (E)
I painted the day with lillies....
#951898 by njames51


Nancy,
I love this item. I wanted to wonder around in the imagery, and not come out. How dare you bring it to an end!
3rd-5th lines 2nd stanza, and the last stanza.
Georgous! I DO declare! Nancy, is that PUNCTUAION I see? It is so lovely in this poem. Splendid.

Really, back to the item ~~> it is such an introspective look, bathed in imagery.

Only issues:
A run on thought early on, and later a thought traversed the end and beginning of a stanza, it felt out of place doing that here.

Great piece, better than good.
Like to see it, Nancy. Keep it coming.

Mark R
iammark301
66
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Review of A Day Spent  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FOR:
ID: 951898
Nancy,
I love this item. I wanted to wonder around in the imagery, and not come out. How dare you bring it to an end!
3rd-5th lines 2nd stanza, and the last stanza.
Georgous! I DO declare! Nancy, is that PUNCTUAION I see? It is so lovely in this poem. Splendid.

Really, back to the item ~~> it is such an introspective look, bathed in imagery.

Only issues:
I run on thought early on, and later a thought traversed the end and beginning of a stanza.

Great piece, better than good.
Like to see it, Nancy. Keep it coming.

Mark R
iammark301
67
67
Review of A Day Spent  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.5)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#951858 by Not Available.


Nancy,
I love this item. I wanted to wonder around in the imagery, and not come out. How dare you bring it to an end!
3rd-5th lines 2nd stanza, and the last stanza.
Georgous! I DO declare! Nancy, is that PUNCTUAION I see? It is so lovely in this poem. Splendid.

Really, back to the item ~~> it is such an introspective look, bathed in imagery.

Only issues:
I run on thought early on, and later a thought traversed the end and beginning of a stanza.

Great piece, better than good.
Like to see it, Nancy. Keep it coming.

Mark R
iammark301
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
68
68
Review of My Little Joke  
Review by Mark
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I shall use your own words:
"Woe is the world that cannot recognize when something's a flaming piece of crap" ,fits more than one place now doesn't it.

Ya big GOOBER!

Do something constructive. If you've got some profound ability to teach or educate, do so.
You got honest opinions of individuals doing the best they can. If you want technical feedback or professional feedback, don't post in a community. This seems to be evident to everyone here.
But I guess you're just too cleaver.

I have no clue how to write, and know that I am an amateur. Thats ok, I learn a lot here. I'm sure most do.

I hope you publish, and learn to enjoy the friends here at Writing.com

Oh, and "great job, hope I see more soon", I rate your piece "perfect", so well deserving of the highest rating! How could we live without this piece?

Your dear and close personal friend
Mark Richardson
iammark301
69
69
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Daily Review Rewards  (E)
Writing.Com's incentives for reviewing a number of items in a given day.
#862933 by The StoryMaster

This was how I got involved in Writing.com when I first signed on.

I got reviewed, found the GP auto rewards, and when I started reviewing, the Daily reward GPs got me moving.

If anything can get me interested, it must have merit.

This is a great way to involve members, and keep people feeling like things are always going on.

Thanks for the may GPs I've been awarded.
Here's a little something back...

Mark R
iammark301
70
70
Review by Mark
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Comprehending the Climb  (ASR)
Flash Fiction Realizing others help you shine.
#951411 by NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth


Robin,
I have to first comment on the title of your short story. I believe you've given the reader to opportunity to see that there is much more to this than the moment described. Well done.

I think the story itself is beautifully described and created with picturesque imagery. I could feel mood and emotion from both characters. Well Done.

I do see metaphorical stories here, and they are as powerful as the story I read. As I feel this story I see three different stories in my mind, I wonder what this will mean to others.. Doing this in 1.48 kb is astounding work. Brilliant.

THIS IS A STRONG RECOMMENDATION FOR ALL

I always think it is a great piece if I can feel and learn. I did both.
Thank you for this piece of you.
Mark R
iammark301
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71
71
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (5.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 I Do Not Think of You as Dead  (E)
In memory of my loving Grandmother.
#949020 by Ary

Ary,
This is a wonderful and heartfelt tribute. I can feel from your words what a special woman your grandmother
was. She must have touched the hearts of so man, clearly she and you had a very close and special relationship.
As a writing piece, I would advise changingnothing. There are some very small technical imperfections, but they are unimportant to the poem.
There is an amazing woman watching over you from somewhere, and she loves this poem just as it is, and she is very proud of you.
I am very impressed with the feel of this poem, your writing skill, and the depth of you as a person.
I hope you write for the rest of your life.
(also, I am sorry for your loss)

Thank you for sharing this with the world, it is beautiful.
Mark R
iammark301
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72
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful outlet for Writing.com members.
That it is used in a constructive way is even more wonderful. It is well constructed, needed, and a nice feature to have as part of Writing.com
The ability to send a testamonial more than one time is a nice touch. Obviously our need to express requires that.

Thank you
Mark R
iammark301
73
73
Review of Reaching out  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.0)
A REVIEW FOR:
 Reaching out  (E)
A Christian poem directed towards all of us who are not living openly about our faith.
#947575 by Poetry4Him


Dear "Poetry4Him",
You have correctly written the purpose of this poem, and because of that, I can enjoy it for what it is.

You have a magnificantly strong voice here, which is seen often in those that have strong religious convictions.

You've stated your perspective and purpose. You've shown your duty, how you feel about these things, and why. I score you with an EXCELLENT!on the overall message.

Punctuation:Overall, nothing hurtful to your presentation. Good Job!

{emotion:confused}Things to work on:
"As Christians we know the purpose of life,
But our silence condemns others to pain and strife." re-write to fit a cadence or tempo, count your syllables and you will find what you need to do. A good meter will greatly improve this poem. Here are two more examples of what really is hard to read.
"Those like her live among us, and don’t even know,
The wonderful truth we choose not to show."
and
"Those like her live among us, and don’t even know,
The wonderful truth we choose not to show."

OVERALL IMPRESSION: This is well done, has a strong message, and inspite of being very personal - you gave it a voice that even those outside of your beliefs can listen to without being offended.
Very tough to do, and you did a great job.

I look forward to more of your writing.
Thank you, I enjoyed your poem
Mark R
iammark301
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74
Review of Please Review  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fab layout and presentation!

The Best forum on WC. I come here every day to find great new pieces, and I have yet to be let down.

This has been the most enlightening part of Writing.com aside from the people. It is unbelievable how much I've learned in 8 weeks.

Just another fantastic part of the Writing.com community.

Thanks
Mark R
iammark301
75
75
Review of Laughter  
Review by Mark
Rated: E | (4.0)
MandiK,

Let me start by saying that this is unusual.
I see the title "LAUGHTER" and the subheader "what laughter means to me...." and I had an expectation of defining laughter. You twisted me around and told me how laughter is FELT?/UNDERSTOOD? by you. (?what do I mean by that?) It is a nice read, and is personal and interpretive. If you are going for the visual, go ahead and add some color, it would help the imagery a bit.
I like that you decided to keep punctuation in, I believe it always helps.
The imagery could be stronger, although I like the cross section of ideas that you chose.
Here's to you, for a statement that laughter can be in all things for you. part of my mottois - live with a smile - you obviously do.

Thanks for a new look.
Mark R
iammark301
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