Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,124 Public Reviews Given

4,253 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

451

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3586352

Review of Reflector.

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Princess

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I loved the character in this story. He has such an intense fear of mirrors/reflections that it creates compelling drama and an intriguing mystery. I thought you did a great job setting up that aspect and executed it well.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt that the changing point of view/perspective made the story feel a little awkward. The first part of the story is entirely in the first person, where we're seeing through the character's eyes as he goes about his daily routine... and then we're transitioned not just into the third-person perspective, but into a point of view that sees the very same character in a detached and objective way. I think that the story would be stronger and more effective if it were only told from one point of view... or if the transition from one perspective to the other were a little less abrupt.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed this story and thought you did a great job creating a memorable character. This story definitely fits with the isolation/being alone theme that I'm writing about in the next issue of the official Horror/Scary newsletter and it would be a pleasure to feature this item in that issue.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

452

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3586347

Review of PARADISE - chapt 1

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Write-fully Loti

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You did a great job setting the stage for the second chapter. There's definitely some intrigue there, especially with your last paragraph. Overall, it feels like this story is really about to take off, which should be the goal of every first chapter.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I think a little more detail and description would help cement the tone and the atmosphere in the reader's mind. I thought that the story - as a whole - worked and progressed nicely, but I think a little more time spent setting up this secluded location would help give the reader an even greater sense of dread at Beth being out here all alone with Tony.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a great first chapter. It definitely fits with the topic of isolation and being alone which I'm featuring in the next official Horror/Scary newsletter and it would be a pleasure to feature this item in that issue.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

453

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3586334

Review of Alone

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Sophy

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I loved the structure of this piece. It was well written and the format really lent itself well to a fluid, efficient read. You did a great job with the imagery and the message of this piece; it was an all-around touching and endearing piece.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I couldn't find anything that would improve this item. I enjoyed it as-written.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this poem. I know that it's not exactly a horror poem in the traditional sense of the word, but this week's official Horror/Scary Newsletter is about being alone and isolation... and it would be a pleasure to feature this item.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

454

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3586310

Review of Haunted Hallway

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Captain Colossal

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought you did a great job with the atmosphere in this story. It was creepy without being too scary; the perfect amount of tension and suspense for a children's horror story, complete with the surprise and welcome happy ending. All in all, this was a very entertaining story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

In the third paragraph, the comment about her "wanting to do this" and "[thinking] she was being brave" felt unresolved by the end of the story. I know it's ultimately only a 250-word story, but it felt a bit like there was a setup here that asks the reader to wonder what she's wanting to do... and then that question isn't answered by the end of the tale. I would suggest either removing the line or figuring out a way to work in an explanation so that there aren't any loose ends or unresolved issues in the story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this story. It was entertaining and featured the feeling of being alone and isolated, which is the topic for this week's Official Horror/Scary Newsletter. It would be a pleasure to feature your item!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

455

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3583052

Review of The Innocent

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi billwilcox -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

As with all of your stories, you did a great job with characterization, pacing, and description. From start to finish, your stories always captivate me and this one is certainly no exception. I really felt for Charlie and his father as they went through the traumatic events of both the death of Joan, and the ordeal with Toby up at the lake.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I couldn't find anything in need of improvement. I thought all the characters were well developed, the story had me hooked from the very beginning, and the tone of the piece was dark and ominous, especially toward the end.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

It's always a pleasure to read your stories, Bill, and this one is certainly no exception. Great job, all around.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

456

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3583041

Review of It Wasn't Just Another Day

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi JACE - House Targaryen

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Rising Stars review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Hey Jace, I haven't stopped by and given my old Rising Star a review in quite some time, so I thought I'd check out your port, poke around a little, and send you a review. You did a really great job with this piece; it was heartfelt, endearing, and moving. Your characters were compelling and real, and the struggles they're going through really hit the reader on a visceral level. Well done, my friend.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, there was nothing that I noticed in need of improvement in this piece. You did a really excellent job in all aspects of this story.

OVERALL COMMENTS

I've always been a fan of your writing; you have a way with words that's just a pleasure to read... and this story is certainly no exception. You did a wonderful job.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

** Image ID #1639657 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

457

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3583022

Review of The Big Lie

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Hyperiongate

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

This was a very well presented and well argued essay against some common misconceptions perpetuated by the GOP. You did an excellent job of presenting the arguments on each issue, and then backing up those assertions with information. While I know that changing people's minds (especially when it comes to money and politics) is almost never as easy as reading one article or essay, or watching one news report, I don't know if anybody could read this item of yours without at least seriously questioning what's going on... and if real change is going to be enacted, it needs to start with thought-provoking assertions like these.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Honestly, I could not find anything in need of improvement in this essay. It was well presented and effective as written.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an outstanding item that argued both persuasively and energetically. It's clear that you're passionate about the topic, and I think that anyone who reads this item (myself included) won't be able to help begin to feel the same passion and conviction that you've shown. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

A review signature for Talent Pond members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

458

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3583000

Review of Might Have Been

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Kathryn Ann Summers

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You did a really great job with the detail and description in this story. The action was intense and exciting and well paced. Your characters were developed just enough to give the reader an idea of who they are before they get into the heat of the moment.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

This really isn't a suggestion for improvement so much as an observation, but I think this items rating actually exceeds its content. For me, this would be a GC story at best (if not 18+), and I think the XGC rating might deter some people from reading an otherwise compelling and softer erotic story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and thought you did a great job. It's short, but sensual, exciting, and intense. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

459

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3582492

Review of The Island

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

I thought this was a very sweet and charming story. Paradise Cove often attracts the more graphic, erotic type stories, but I'm glad to see an entry from someone who is more focused on the romance aspect of the contest. I think you did very well with this entry; the characters are compelling and the description is excellent. Nicely done!

460

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3582452

Review of Donut Shop Done In

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

I thought you did a good job with this piece. It was entertaining, well written, and effectively blended action with dialogue to create a well-rounded, compelling story. I thought that the after-the-fact conclusion was unnecessary for the overall story; I would have rather the story left off with Cobber's last words (and the prompt)... but it was an otherwise solid story. Nicely done!

461

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3580173

Review of Green Grocer

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Writer_Mike

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought that, as a whole, you did an excellent job with this essay. It was concise, to the point, addressed the prompt, and was entertaining to read. You included opinion, facts and figures, and even a little humor to make your point, all of which worked toward creating a compelling and informative read. Outstanding work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

My only suggestion is to back up your data. I don't think you need to go so far as footnotes and a bibliography, but as I was reading your essay, I found myself wondering where you got your information about, for example, how much fossil fuel and fresh water are required to make plastic bags, what percentage of bags in the United States are recycled, etc. If you were to qualify these statements with just a quick introduction like, "According to a 2008 EPA study..." or "Wikipedia reports that...", I think it would help this already strong and convincing essay become even more persuasive.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, you did a fantastic job with this story. While there aren't enough entries to warrant awarding any places, I'm going to give you the prize package for first place anyway, because I'm so impressed with this entry. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

462

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3580158

Review of Haunted

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi melzgr8

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought you did a particularly good job with the characterization in this story. Annie and both of her parents were particularly well developed, giving the reader the ability to identify with them and the loss that makes them such compelling characters.

You made great use of the prompt, coming up with a story that most definitely made it feel as if the protagonist both felt the familiarity of coming home, as well as all the things that make it different now that she's grown and has been away for a while.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt like this story was lacking a bit of a sinister element. While not every horror story has to be terrifying or gory or gruesome, I was hoping for a bit more of the horror genre element. As is, I felt like this read more as a drama. The conflict is definitely there, but a few more elements to make it really have an overwhelming creepy/scary/spooky vibe would have made it an even stronger entry for the contest.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a great job with this story. It was well written, addressed the prompt, and gave the reader interesting and realistic characters who struggle with the loss of their loved one. Unfortunately, there weren't enough entries to award first place, but I'd like to send you a little something with this review in recognition of your excellent story (and Writing.Com's 11th birthday).

Thank you for participating in Sinister Stories, and I hope to see entries from you in future rounds!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

463

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3576324

Review of The Letter from Eiros M. Valdemar

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Chrissy A.Poe

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I think the setup was compelling and the characters were engaging. Right from the start you hooked the reader with an interesting setup and maintained that interest with a fast-paced short story that didn't sacrifice pacing for unnecessary detail. Nice work!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought that the contest prompt of a new-hire employee with a dark/mysterious past was a little lacking in this entry. There was a new family in town that the protagonist dealt with, but for me I was hoping that the prompt's implication of a workplace setting and coworker relationship would have been more prevalent in the story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a good job with this story. It was entertaining, compelling, and well written.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

464

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3576315

Review of Self Portrait

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Dark Society

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi Corey Reynolds

-

The following is my official review as a judge for the Sinister Stories Contest, and I have enclosed the following Dark Society review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I thought that you did a good job with the characterization and the description. As a whole, the story felt fully developed and was engaging to read. You provided just the right amount of detail to make the events come to life in the reader's imagination, but not so much that it became dense or dull.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

In terms of the contest, I'm not really seeing the prompt about a new employee with a dark/mysterious background used very effectively. For a contest with a prompt, I usually like to see the prompt featured prominently in the story, if not a central, integral issue to the narrative.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, my reaction to this story was mixed. As a standalone piece of writing, I think it was quite good and has a lot of strong points. As an entry for the July 2011 Sinister Stories Contest, I feel that it missed the mark conceptually. Other than that, though, it was a very enjoyable story. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

465

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3574877

Review of The Man With Blood On His Hands

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Stokecity,

I thought you did a good job with this story. The choice to present the tale completely through dialogue and inner monologue/conversation made the story move briskly along and really captured the reader's attention. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps edit to avoid "parroting" in the dialogue (where one voice says something that's immediately echoed by the second), and repetition of the same discussion (where they are, what's going on, etc.). With dialogue it can be tempting to fill in every aspect of a conversation... but it's often the unfinished and sporadic bits of dialogue that feel the most naturalistic.

I hope this helps. I really enjoyed your story.

SoCalScribe

466

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14 days may be credited.

#3574866

Review of In Dreams

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

This was a great story, Max. Your description was excellent, and the detail you infused into the story really set the tone for the piece. I was hooked from beginning to end; you managed to create a compelling short story that was concise and entirely effective.

Well done!

SoCalScribe

467

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3574865

Review of April's Story

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Meg,

I thought this was a really well-written story with a captivating theme. it was concise and to the point and entirely effective at getting the point across. Sometimes, "message" stories (especially shorter ones) suffer from being too preachy or abrasive about getting their point across, but I thought you handled the issue with delicacy and sophistication. Well done!

SoCalScribe

468

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14 days may be credited.

#3566274

Review of Dead Rising: Your Story

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi BIG BAD WOLF is hopping

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

The instructions are clear and concise. From the front page, potential contributors know exactly what kind of interactive story they're getting involved with, and what the rules are.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I was hoping for a little background info (or links to info) on the source material for the story. If there were an easy reference point so people who are unfamiliar with the DEAD RISING franchise could read about it and familiarize themselves, I think you have the potential to find even more contributors.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this looks like a fun interactive story with a good setup. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

469

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3566140

Review of The Young Detective Misfits

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi LaVerne

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I really like the concept. The title is descriptive and engaging, and perfectly fit your young characters and the adventures that they undergo over the course of this story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

If I had one suggestion, it would be to make the story a little more active (not so much waiting around or passive inaction) while the story unfolds, but that's a relatively minor suggestion for an otherwise engaging item.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a good job with this story; it was a pleasure to read.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

470

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3565666

Review of A Weekend at Eagle House- Chapter1

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi carphi

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You did a great job with your use of detail and description. The world you created was vivid and clear in my mind as I read; I got a real sense for who these characters are and the event to which they've been invited.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt that the events in the story were a little one-note. I know this is the beginning of a story, but the chapter focused on a variety of characters as they're invited to a dinner party... and every character seemed to have the same reaction, which was excitement about the invitation and a willingness to go. I think it would be more effective if at least one or two of the invitees were apprehensive about or uninterested in going, at least a little bit to create some tension.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think this is a solid story that was engaging and interesting. It would be a pleasure to feature in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Animated Tweety Simply Positive group sig.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

471

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3565624

Review of Code World: Mother’s Day

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi RainbowSheltie

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I liked your take on the prompt. I thought it was original and creative and you did a good job creating a bond between the brothers that really shone through and defined them.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt like there was a little too much backstory for the characters. With so few words in a flash fiction story, it can be tough to try to include so much information without it seeming dry or forced. I think that if this story were expanded, you could really include a lot of vibrant detail about the brothers, their lives, and their mission... but in a story of less than a thousand words, it felt a little heavy.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought you did a good job with this story. It was a compelling read from beginning to end, and it would be a pleasure to feature this item in the next issue of the Official Mystery Newsletter.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

472

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3554061

Review of The bad and the broken

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Hi KcG

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I think you did a really effective job with the intro. That short scene really created a sense of mystery and a problem that needed to be solved in this story. It definitely made me want to read on.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I thought that the rest of the story (the "earlier that day") was a little disconnected from the intro. The opening scene involved Ashley dying, but the connection wasn't made with the events earlier in the day. I would recommend bringing the story back around full circle.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a good job with this story. You definitely set up the potential for a compelling mystery. It felt a little unfinished, but if you can bring the events of the intro back into the story, I think you'd have a great piece on your hands. Good work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

473

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3546311

Review of The Repeat

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Official Judge's Review for "Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

Hi shaara -

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You used some great examples to back up your argument. There was a wide variety of examples from all kinds of time periods and genres, ensuring that virtually every reader will be able to connect with this piece in some way or another.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

While you make a good argument about the appeal of characters in the re-imagining of popular movies, I'm curious what your thoughts are about sequels and remakes to bad movies. The later SAW movies or "Movie" movies (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Scary Movie, etc.) where there's a questionable amount of characterization to begin with. I would have loved to have known how properties not based on quality characters are accounted for.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I think you did a good job with this essay. It was clear, and your position was well explained and articulated. Nice job!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

474

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3545902

Review of The Burning

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi Fadz

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Rising Stars Member-to-Member review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

I really like the organization of this piece, with the times of the day marking the passing of time and the section headings. I think that's a creative and unique way to structure a piece of writing. I also thought your story was compelling, and your characterization of Caitlyn was excellent.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I was hoping for a little more development of the mythology. You set up a really interesting legend in your story, about the ninth daughter and the manifestation of the Power at the end... I would have loved to have read more detail about the Power and how it is handled by both Caitlyn and her ancestors.

OVERALL COMMENTS

Overall, I think you did a good job with this story. The characterization of Caitlyn was excellent and the narrative was compelling. I'm not sure if it had to be under 1,000 words for a contest entry of some kind, but if not, then I would love to see some more detail about this world you've created.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

475

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3545895

Review of The Bar

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hi Paradoxical

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Rising Stars Member-to-Member review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

You did a really good job setting the atmosphere and tone of this piece. Your description was spot on and really created a vivid mental image in the reader's mind. Your concept is well thought out and well executed. All in all, a very satisfying short horror story!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The one issue I noticed (and it's a relatively minor one) is the use of italics. It seems like the entire section is italicized, and it was unclear why that is. If it was meant to be the voice speaking (in which case the narrative description should not be italicized). Overall, this is a relatively minor issue in an otherwise solid story.

OVERALL COMMENTS

I thought you did a great job with this story. It was entertaining, spooky, and well written. Excellent work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"
"Beyond The Water's Edge - CLOSED"

** Image ID #1639657 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .