Jeff's (jeff) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

4,137 Public Reviews Given

4,266 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I believe in constructive criticism and honesty. I can adapt my review style to fit the kind of feedback an author is looking for (e.g., developmental suggestions, fine-tuning, proofreading, etc.), but will always try to be as encouraging and helpful as possible.

I'm good at...

Plotting, characterization, dialogue, structure/pacing, and professional considerations. I can also do serviceable technical editing/proofreading, but I'm much better with developmental/creative feedback.

Favorite Genres

I read almost everything. I particularly love genre fiction (mystery/thriller and science fiction/fantasy especially) and nonfiction of all kinds.

576

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3430058

Review of WAITING FOR LEFTY

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hi David J IS Death & Taxes

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following review for your consideration as part of the "The Official Mod Review Blitz!"

. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great use of detail. The specific details included in this piece were engaging and enjoyable.

Fluid, natural style. Your writing has a natural cadence and easiness to it that makes your work a pleasure to read.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I thought this was an interesting piece. Prior to reading it, I didn't have any idea what neatsfoot oil was, so it's always nice when a piece of writing can teach you something. Overall, nice work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

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577

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14 days may be credited.

#3429705

Review of A Rinkydink Thanksgiving

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Maulpartin

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of the prompt.

Compelling characters.

Engaging story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The story felt a little rushed in the execution, but otherwise it was a very enjoyable tale.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item and thought you did a great job with the prompt. Unfortunately, there aren't enough entries to warrant a prize this round, so I'm enclosing 2,000 GPs with this review as a consolation prize, in recognition of your efforts in creating an entry. Thank you for your support of this contest!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

578

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14 days may be credited.

#3429704

Review of The Black Glass Window of Room 32

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi TheSpirit

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of genre elements.

Interesting characters.

Great ending.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Can't think of anything.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was well written and was a good take on the prompt. Unfortunately, there aren't enough entries to award a prize for this round, so I'm enclosing 2,000 GPs to this review as a consolation prize and in thanks for taking the time to enter the contest this round. Your support is greatly appreciated!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

579

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14 days may be credited.

#3429703

Review of Mirrors Lie

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with The Talent Pond

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi Than Pence

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Talent Pond review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Well-written, engaging tale.

Excellent use of genre elements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing comes to mind.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought your story was very good. I really enjoyed your take on the prompt and thought you did a good job with all the elements. Unfortunately, there aren't enough entries to award any places, so a consolation prize of 2,000 GPs is included with this review as a thank you for entering this round of the contest. Thanks for your patronage!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

580

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14 days may be credited.

#3429679

Review of Revelation

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of eroticism. There was a good amount of heat and excitement in the grand finale of your story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

You still have a tendency of writing either dialogue OR action. Really try to combine the two, and mix your action/description with and between your dialogue. Your story will be stronger for it.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was a satisfying, appropriate ending to your story. I enjoyed it very much. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

581

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14 days may be credited.

#3427271

Review of Still Loving You

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi jaya

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Sophisticated writing.

Excellent imagery and emotion.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The structure didn't flow well in my head as I read it. Was this a structured poem or free verse? Perhaps it was just my own lack of any poetry skill whatsoever.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed this item. It was well written and engaging. Very well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

582

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14 days may be credited.

#3427269

Review of Imperfection

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Elisa the Bunny Stik

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great message. The idea of people having imperfections and not having an "ideal" person in mind were resonant and effective.

Good conversational tone. The letter felt realistic; a good compromise between formal letter-writing and casual correspondence.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The letter felt a little abrupt in starting and finishing, but that's a relatively minor issue in an otherwise excellent piece.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, this was an enjoyable, intelligent and thought-provoking letter. Well written and well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

583

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3427267

Review of Tennis

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Excellent structure.

I thought the explanation/addendum at the end added a great personal touch to the item.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing at all.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

As a fellow tennis lover (watcher, hopefully soon-to-be casual player), I thought this was a great item that really captured the the heartbreaking emotion of not being able to play your favorite sport... but at the same time captured your endless love for the game. Very well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

584

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3420058

Review of Reconciliation

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

This is an official review of your "HSP: Sustaining The Sizzle" class assignment.

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great job reconciling the conflict presented in the last installment. You captured Maria's pain and reservations and resolved them in a natural, believable way. It wasn't too easy, but wasn't drawn out either... good timing and pacing.

The second half of the story had a good mix of dialogue and action, interspersing the two so that the dialogue and action could move forward simultaneously. Well done!

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The first half of the story had too much dialogue and not enough action in it. As discussed last week, some action would be useful to break up the dialogue in this section a little, rather than strictly being a back and forth between speaking parts only.

I would have liked a little more detail and description for the actual erotic encounter... really push yourself to describe and engage rather than relay the erotic elements.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Your story is getting better and better. You're really hitting your stride and the pieces are all falling into place now that you've taken the relationship along a path that's brought them to the verge of separation and then reconciled them again. Good pacing, good flow, and great job of continuing to make this an engaging and interesting story!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

585

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14 days may be credited.

#3418628

Review of Decaying Beauty

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Winnie Kay

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Wonderful imagery.

Excellent structure and style.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing at all.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I loved this poem. I thought you did a great job writing a poem inspired by the image, and really captured the emotion and visuals of a changing Earth as the seasons move from summer into winter. Outstanding work.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

586

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14 days may be credited.

#3418617

Review of Through the Storm

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi intheventofire

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Great use of elements from the original Wizard of Oz. The last line was, of course, the clincher, but making an anagram of Toto's name into Otto, and Autie M becoming Uncle M were inspired changes.

Good pacing and structure.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing that I could find.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really enjoyed the imagination and the creativity that went into this work, creating a parody of the Wizard of Oz by taking familiar elements and spinning on them on their ear. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

587

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14 days may be credited.

#3418522

Review of Conflict

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Effective dialogue.

Good characterization.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

I felt that the "monkey wrench" was a little superficial, in that it seemed a momentary problem that was quickly forgotten about in the next scene, and I was hoping for a little more resonance. Additionally, the problem was resolved (or at least overlooked) in the last scene of the story, and I was hoping to see the assignment followed a little more closely (i.e. a serious conflict left unresolved at the end of the story).

I've noticed that your stories, while they employ effective and persuasive dialogue, tend to have scenes that are either almost entirely all dialogue or all description. I like the fact that you feel comfortable enough with dialogue to make it a natural part of a story, but I would challenge you to mix the two together a little more. Intersperse your conversational elements (which are just alternating speaking parts) with description and action. It's far more effective to have your characters doing something while they're also speaking, than to have them standing there merely bantering back and forth.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I thought this was a good story with a lot of potential. You've got a clear understanding and sense of your characters, and their story is an interesting one that engages the reader quickly and easily. I would recommend focusing on the two issues above to make the story a little more active (by interspersing action with the dialogue) and focusing on really enhancing the conflict. This is a critical moment in your story; really take your characters to the brink and make the audience wonder if it's possible they'll recover from this dramatic turn of events.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

588

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417494

Review of A Present for Daisy

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

This was an outstanding story. Your characters were well developed and complex, and the situation in which they find themselves was heartbreaking, frightening, touching, and thought-provoking, all at the same time. I wish I had some constructive criticism to offer you, but this story was - in my opinion - perfect just the way it is. Very impressive writing!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

589

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417493

Review of The Old Tire Swing

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.5)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I really enjoyed this story. I thought you did a great job with the characterization in particular, and the way your protagonist originally saw the tire swing as something to be embarrassed and humiliated about - because it wasn't bright and shiny and new - and then learned later what kind of caring, giving father he truly was. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

590

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417490

Review of The Library Lady

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Great use of detail and good character development. I liked the fact that the story incorporated so many elements that are associated with the fall season - Halloween costumes, apple cider, etc. Overall, this was an engaging story with a compelling narrative and interesting characters. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

591

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417489

Review of My Dearest Son

Review by Jeff

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Your story had a really compelling protagonist, and I love the fact that the letters bookended a very engaging tale about Tighe as he grew up and thought about being a father in his own right. Good use of detail, well structured and well told. Nicely done.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

592

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417481

Review of Willow, the Green Witch of Gloucester

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

What I liked best about this story was the balance between all the elements. Just the right amount of dialogue set against just the right amount of detail and description. There was humor and drama, and the blend of everything together made for a satisfying, enjoyable story. Thanks for sharing.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

593

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417476

Review of A Beautiful Way to Die

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

Great use of setting, detail and description to tell your story. Your characters were engaging and realistic, and I liked the way you worked the prompt naturally into the story without making it a story about a tire swing. An altogether satisfying, engaging story. Well done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

594

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3417468

Review of Bad Tires

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" .
Thanks for entering!

Hello, this is Jeff

and I'll be one of your judges for the October 2010 round of the "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"

. Please keep in mind that the following review is merely my personal opinion. While that opinion contributes to determining the contest winners, you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

I thought this was a great use of the prompt; clever and very creative. Your characters were engaging, the story was entertaining, and the overall effect was a well-structured, enjoyable story. Good use of detail and description. Nicely done!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your item.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

595

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3413997

Review of Children of Forever

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi EarlyHours-A Vigilante Ranger

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Simply Positive review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Excellent story structure with a complete, full-circle ending.

Superb sci-fi elements.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Nothing at all.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

To me, this story encompasses everything that science fiction should be. It approaches a real world problem or situation and infuses it with a thoughtful, complex, and entirely believable aura of sci-fi genre elements. I honestly try not to give too many 5.0 ratings (I'm one of those people who stubbornly believes that there's always room for improvement

), but I have no choice with this story. It's a flawless, exceptional example of what is possible with the science fiction genre. Wonderful, wonderful story.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

** Image ID #1536286 Unavailable **

596

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3412366

Review of All To Herself

Review by Jeff

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

The following is an official review for your HSP: Sustaining the Sizzle class assignment.

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good, realistic dialogue.

Nice twist at the end.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

Too much dialogue and not enough eroticism.

I felt like the "getting serious" moment was a little underplayed... and more as if this were the lead-in to a potentially serious relationship rather than the actual revelation of a serious relationship.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

I liked your characters and the story. The bandits on the road provided a nice sense of danger and variety to the work, although I was hoping to see the requirements of the assignment shine through a little more than they did. In particular, I think the open, "this is the beginning of something" ending undercuts the effectiveness of making this a serious relationship-establishing moment for the two of them. The dialogue was great, but good erotic detailing was sacrificed as a result. Other than those two issues, this was a well-written and enjoyable piece. Nice work!

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"

597

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3410610

Review of Swamp Thing

Review by Jeff

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, this is Jeff

and I'll be your judge for the 10/31 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Good use of the prompt, and an unexpected ending with some humor. Nicely done!

Thanks for entering this round of the competition. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

598

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14 days may be credited.

#3410018

Review of Sugar

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm Jeff

and I'll be your judge for the 10/30 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Great story, with a great ending! Congratulations on being the winner for today's Daily Flash Fiction Challenge! Your winning GPs are attached to this review.

Thanks for entering this round of the contest. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

599

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3410002

Review of The writing on the wall

Review by Jeff

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, I'm Jeff

and I'll be your judge for the 10/29 round of the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge.

Good use of the prompt and a great twist at the end. Nicely done!

Thanks for entering this round of the contest. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

Jeff

600

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3408808

Review of The First Time

Review by Jeff

In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi percy goodfellow

-

I had a chance to read your item today, and have enclosed the following Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group review for your consideration. Please keep in mind that the following is my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of my comments as you see fit.

WHAT WORKED

Good use of detail.

Good distribution of eroticism in the story.

WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

The opening segment felt a little disjointed from the rest of the story, particularly with the visual section break... making it feel a bit like it was added in at the last moment. I would suggest getting rid of that visual section break and working the description into a more natural flow, so it seems that the opening description is a natural beginning to the story.

OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I really liked the characters in this story, and I think you've definitely got the hang of putting erotic content in throughout the story. Nicely done.

I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your work.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

- S o C a l S c r i b e

Please check out my community items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group"
"The Dark Society"
"Blogocentric Formulations"