I loved this! I haven't read much poetry lately and the meter is wild! I will have to not only read more of your work but also do some research on different poetry styles. Thank you for introducing me to this! I look forward to reading more of your work!
It is an interesting piece. Did you mean to use almost no punctuation? It is difficult to read through just one long sentence. It is a very good story and has a very strong lesson in the end. It is a very good start! Try going back through and put in periods and you will see what a difference that will make to the strength of your story. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow. That's very thought provoking. You put some much together is such a small amount of words. So much is happening. I notice that the only one we don't really see how the hero feels or thinks. You write that he "looked perfectly delighted" but no mention of how he feels. Makes the reader think. well done!
What a fun little piece! The visuals you create are unusual and very interesting. Makes one's brain look at things from a different view. Your brain might be in a rut but your poem can kick us out of ours! As this is from 2007 I am interested to read what you have written now. Looking forward to reading more!
Very strong poem that connects with gut emotions. I had to keep rereading the second and third stanzas because they made sense but didn't. The way you word things makes the reader think. I like when a poem can do that. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Nice job! I like the visual and emotional aspect flowing from one to the other. You show us concrete things but there are the emotions that come from those. You also go back and forth in time well without losing the flow or the reader. I look forward to reading more of your work!
You create such a beautiful and flowing piece with such a wide canvas. The last stanza really says it all. There is so much to see and learn. And it is something we can do by just observing. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work!
I really enjoyed this piece! You used "big" words but it all made sense and flowed. You let the reader feel the same loss that the author. You contrast being out in space and doing bigger things for the good of all yet still feeling that you have given up a bigger piece of yourself than what you will accomplish. I look forward to reading more of your work!
How fun! It's like a mini mystery! This would make a good story to flesh out if you were ever inclined. You do a great job of showing us each of the characters and putting some flesh on the bones is such a short venue. You did a great twist at the end. Well done!
I supposed that is one way to do it! I like that you didn't have to use any dialog to tell your story. You were very descriptive without going overboard. The reader finds themselves in the story built with your imagination as well as their own. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Very interesting! The only problems that readily jump out are the occasional spelling error and bits of grammar. You have done really well for English not being your first language. Little things like the beginning of your second sentence "In final year of college same routine" would flow better as "In the final year of college the same routine". There are just simple words missing here and there. Well done and thank you for sharing!
What an amazing story! I cannot imagine the anguish you and your husband both must have gone through! But you describe things so well. You show your pain but you don't stay there. We get a glimpse but then you move on to show what else id going on around you. And the courage to put pen to paper (so to speak) and write it all out. Well done! Thank you for sharing ! I hope to read more of your work!
How fun! I really like the spin you put on this. Unexpected but completely believable. This story is one of those you expect to hear happened to a friend of a friend. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing and write on!
Very strong prose. You pull words together that normally don't belong and use that to paint an interesting picture. Some of the lines I had to read a few times to get it right in my head. Like "Dead, yet keeping the shoot on battling grounds" is a strong line visually but my mind cannot make proper sense of it. Part of it is probably my lack of sleep. I really do like this. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work!
I'm sure your Mom would've have loved this piece! You do a beautiful job of not only hiding the pain but giving us peeks of it hiding just beneath the surface. Yet you also give us a bit of happiness, a bit of a smile to help us through the hard times. Thank you for sharing!
That is very cool! I really like the format you used as well as how you used it. This is a good exercise to have not mater what you write. You use an author (which is my first inclination as well) but I may try this with other artistic and non-artistic venues. Thank you for the inspiration!
I love the upbeat flow of words! It paints a picture of possibilities and hope. It shows that we are the ones who have to move ourselves forward. We can't just sit and hope it comes to us. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work! Thank you for sharing!
This is very fun! It can be a bit confusing with all the voices. It might be better to name the character before he jumps on the centaur instead of referring to him as "the figure." I am intrigued to read more about this character. This reminds me a lot of Terry Pratchett. Thank you for sharing!
I like how you give your character flaws that are normal for all of us but with his background actually make him more interesting. And the little bit at the end,"but sometimes misunderstandings are inevitable" bodes an interesting plot development! I am interested to see where you take this!
This is a great story! The only recommendation I have is go through and figure out when your characters are talking and put quotes around it. Your quotes seems to morph in to thoughts from the characters or it is like we are hearing it second hand. It gets confusing. Keep up the good work!
This is very bright and fun with a bit of darkness thrown in. Well done! Your circus is bright and fun yet there are life truths that lurk just below the surface. You use the fun to teach and hopefully the reader uses that to learn. I look forward to reading more of your work! Thank you for sharing!
Very strong visuals! A very poignant piece about the fires. I especially like the last stanza. The line "Unwanted" sums up the whole situation. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work! Keep up the good work! Cheers!
Nice! I think we all could use the occasional refresher on our punctuation. This brings back fond memories of grade school. You have a good selection of punctuation styles as well. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to delving more into your work!
You have an interesting idea here. I like how you set the questions up to be similar to show the differences between the responses. The language you use evokes each of the characters well. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Oh no! I am never completely sure about using either tool. The problem comes in that you might be trying to spell one word correctly but you use the wrong word and spell that one correctly so nothing will stand out for correction. I have done this myself. Thank you for sharing!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jengriffin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 6:40pm on Apr 23, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
