I like how you have a balance between both the good and bad of life. That there is the potential for both. I think the choice for non rhyming made a big difference. It feels better and flows well being a non rhyming poem. Well done! Thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work!
That is really fun! I like how you both played off each others words. Both searching for that friend until you finally meet. I like the rhyme scheme and the flow. And as goofy as it sounds I like the colors. The blue and orange really added to the contrasting words. Well done both of you!
Good stuff! Right out of the old pulp magazines! A very nice twist that you can catch a glimmer of almost at the beginning. Well executed! And thank you for the new word! Limned. I had to look that one up. Well written and it keeps you on the edge of your seat. I am looking forward to reading more!
Very poignant. You put so much in such small space. Your wording is clear, we see Him trying to help and being ignored. We see Him in all those places and the interaction (or lack there of) between Him and everyone else. It makes you sit back and think. Thank you for sharing! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
I really enjoyed this! I have a few suggestions. I would change American Physical Society to American Physics Society. How did the professor know the detective's name? Or did I miss it when reading? I really got into the story so I may have. Double check for typos as well. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
You share the heartbreak and anger well. Even the pain of the poor dog. Your flow keeps moving through your tale of woe not only feeling pain but showing that pain. Showing the process of letting go and moving on. Or trying to. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow. That is very moving. I have felt like that astronaut. Your word choice is clear and concise. It shows no emotion, only action. It is as empty and devoid of emotion as the astronaut seems to be. Yet it's not. This is the act of a desperate person. Even if it is just to get away from it all. Well done!
Fun! Why the random dashes in words? It visually it reads more like a script than a story. You did a wonderful job with the plot twist! Having both of them be infected and go on to possibly infect how many others... well done! Early on you call Harmony a Demoness. Isn't that a completely different entity than a vampire? I hope you do more of these. They are very fun to read! Thank you!
Very cool! You might enjoy reading off the Creepypasta site. This reminds me of something that would be on there. You build the suspense wonderfully and when you spring it it is not what you expect it to be! Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
Wow! Very powerful! The easy way it starts reminds me of Dr. Seuss or "One Was Johnny" from Maurice Sendak. But it becomes very adult indeed as one reads on. It is a poem and it's not... It fits the layout but doesn't feel like a poem. I guess that is another way it reminds me of those two. I don't have any suggestions to make. You have done an excellent job with word choice and flow. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
That is very beautiful and elegant. I can see why it got first place. I can almost feel the cold and see the snow on the branches. I especially like the ending with the promise of Spring and new buds and leaves. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
Interesting and very action packed. Is this part of something else? It feels like we are supposed to already know the characters. I would go back through and fix the typos and check your verb tenses. Is this to be part of a script? I wondered why the quotes around anything that wasn't spoken word. That part flows like a story.
I am excited to read what happens next!
Well written piece! I might put the explanation at the end. I like how the poem flowed without having read the explanation first. I like the visuals you used to describe the situation. Very apt. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work! Thank you for sharing!
Really good! People don't realize how much name matters. But it does. Or maybe they have an idea. Look at all the crazy spellings they have for "common" names anymore. Name represents who you are. This is a fun (yet serious) look at names. I think the fact that your character is an immigrant and has changed his name hits it home. Well done!
Well thought out and written. I like the fact that you show both your human side and your pastor side. I also like that you lead by example instead of "this is what you need to do" and point fingers. I appreciate that you give up your solitude to help others. I am not a people person either but I seem to be too good with them. Thus I end up in customer service jobs more often than not. Thank you for sharing!
I love this! It says everything about being in love and deeply. You express all those rare (or not so rare) moments that you think about and feel your loved one. You also see it as a give and take. Not just a take. Not just a give. Beautifully put! I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
I think this is a fun piece. It comes across like a song. I know this is not supposed to be upbeat because of the heartbreak involved but it is for me. It reminds me of a love song released during the summer months when I was living out in California. Thank you and I hope to read more of your work soon.
Wow! I really like this! I'm not a poetry person but going through on this site I am learning more and more about poetry. I like that you use just single words. Bam! Bam! And there it is. Thank you for listing the style etc. because it makes it easier for us non poets to look things up and learn more about your craft.
I really like this. Are you a tree? Are you a human? It doesn't matter because the feelings are the same. I feel the same way. I like all the emotion you packed into such a small chunk of words. Well written. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work!
Wow...It starts out seemingly good and then gradually descends into hell. Very simple sentences that kick you deeper in the gut as you go. This is an amazing piece. I hope it is just from imagination but even if it wasn't true for you I'm sure it was for someone. Thank you for sharing. I am going to have to find "Cupboard Boy" and read it. Thank you again.
It is always good to have memories like those during dark times. You express yourself well... I can see each scene as you depicted them. I can feel the warmth of the love and holiday. Thank you for sharing your memories. Some times that is all we have to get us through.
Wow. You captured the unspoken pain and guilt. And the lack of control felt as well as the anger at that lack of control. A very moving story that plays out too often in real life. Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep up the good work!
More like a rap than a traditional poem. I love the flow of words and ideas. I like your use of the same word but of different spelling thus different meaning. Well written and well thought out. I am looking forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing!
Very fun! I like the different kind of romance. I hadn't thought of it before. The story line flows very well. And I love the quirky phrases you use because it expresses the situation all the more clearly. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
Well done! You have a well rounded female lead. I like the fact that you gave her flaws to balance her strengths. And that not all the other hunters are out to get her. i am looking forward to reading the rest of her story! Keep up the good work!
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