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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 14 15 16 17 -18- 19 20 21 22 23 ... Next
426
426
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review since you were locked up in the Writers Garden Jail a Thon!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Hey Elena, I feel like it's been a while since I stopped by to chat and ask how you are. How are you?

I don't often read poetry but this piece was a really good insight into you, your personality and a part of you you chose to share with the community. First, let me tell you that I am sorry that it seems you've had a tough time. It's never easy moving through life but you seem to have extra difficulties. Your poem comes from the heart and lays it all out for the reader. I particularly liked the line:

'I wish I could pour a bucket of black paint'

I think it's really emotive.

Thank you for sharing this *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
427
427
Review of Just Desserts  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I hit the random review button and this came up, so here I am with a review!

*Pencil*Storyline: This is an interesting piece in which we see the Master with his folowers close behind, summons a demon in order to gain a power. Only, he doesn't specify what power he wants and his life is transformed forever.

*People*Characters: The Master and Elyria are the main characters here. The Master remains nameless and I think that kind of adds to the tone of hte piece and works well. He is clearly power hungry and will do whatever he can to get it. Elyria is portrayed as a young woman who will do his bidding no matter what, but when the tables are turned at the end of hte piece she shows a different side of herself that is cold and cruel. I like it!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the Texas Lone Star Restaurant and I think you set the tone well.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
428
428
Review of The Drift  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Horror Inc Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and finally, here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is in a wooden cabin during a snow storm.

*People*Characters: There is one main character in this piece and while we don't find out his name I don't think that matters too much. At first I considered whether he was getting a little bit of cabin fever and actually, that may have been the case, but he was certainly in a dangerous position.

*Home*Setting: This took place in a cabin surrounded by snow.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Creepy and unsettling *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Horror Inc:


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
429
429
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile* When I spotted this piece I wanted to read this one because I'm in the mood for a crush!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the stry of Kelly who has a crush on Oliver. She spends little time with him but goes back and reports to her bet friend Stacey, right up ntil the end when she realises that it's not her he's after...

*People*Characters: Aw poor Kelly! I have to say I really felt for her. It's hard being that age and havng a crush and even more so when it's not reciprocated. I think you capture her voice well.

*Home*Setting: This takes place at school.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“No, there are better ways to kill yourself”

This just needs a full stop to end the speech.

*BulletG*“No, there are better ways to kill yourself.”


*BulletB*“Hey just get a life okay, “he said breaking the silence.”Loosen up a little.

The spaces are just a little off here:

*BulletB*“Hey just get a life okay," he said breaking the silence. ”Loosen up a little.

*BulletR*“Oh, so you already know how to laugh at stupid people”, he said lightly.

The comma here should go inside the speech marks.

*BulletR*“Oh, so you already know how to laugh at stupid people,” he said lightly.

*BulletV*However; I enjoyed the limited we spent together.

I think there's a word missing here.

*BulletV*However; I enjoyed the limited time we spent together.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
430
430
Review of No Kidding  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I was looking for something to read and this popped up on the random review button, so here I am *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story about a man who is confronted by himself from another dimension and soon begins to question his life and whether the choices he made were right.

*People*Characters: Wow I have to say I feel for the narrator a bit, that many kids and not a moments time to himself. No wonder he begins to consider life in an alternate universe. Hehe. I felt a little sorry for him but then, on thinking about it, that's his choices.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in his bathroom.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: eerie and unexpected but cool!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
431
431
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review since you were locked up in the Jail a Thon!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like reading new years resolutions and finding out whether people have achieved their goals. This one may have been for 2011 but I still want to read it! *Smile*

You have a lot of really good and ambitious goals down here! I'm really impressed by them and wonder how far you got with these? Perhaps an update would be good *Smile*

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

I would maybe suggest writing a new one of these for this year, compare the goals and look to achieve ones you didn't in the past couple of years!


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
432
432
Review of Flash Entries  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me, so here I am! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Grandma Suzie and her descent into Alzheimer and the impact it has on the family until finally, Suzie snaps and murders her son and his wife, wanting to be with the TV on her own once more.

For me, this piece felt a little more tell than show. You take the reader through what happens and why but don't let them get into the minds of the characters. Perhaps this would have benefited the story a little more.

*People*Characters: Grandma Suzie is the main character in this. We see her as she loses her memory and focuses solely on one thing. She evoked some sympathy from me.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the family home where I presume the three of them live.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
433
433
Review of My New Tenant  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to stop by and return the review you did for me *Smile* I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This tells the story of a new tenant you have in your garden and your pondering thoughts about how to invite him inside or become a friend. I wasn't sure until the end what this new tenant was but then you tell us it's a flycatcher (is it a plant perhaps?)

The way you write this brings the reader in and invites them to consider what this new tenant could be. You use an array of wonderful description to describe him and it all works well I think!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I have to listen to him because it's his previledge.

There's just a little typo here.

*BulletG*I have to listen to him because it's his privilege.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
434
434
Review of The Beach  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. I chose this piece because I got a sense that it could be a very deep and thought provoking piece.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Carey who, after losing a loved one, feels she cannot do anything but wallow in her grief and continues to do so at the detriment of her family until something makes her see.

I think this is an emotional piece and while I felt her grief, perhaps a deeper look into the story would be a good idea. For example, it left me with questions about who she had lost as to why she was grieving so badly? Also, her children, how old were they to be left alone in their home like that? I got the impression they were quite young.

*People*Characters: Carey is the main character in this piece and we follow her thoughts as she grieves alone on the beach. I think you capture this part of her so well as I think everyone needs to grieve but she does it in her own way, away from other people and seeks solace rather than company.

*Home*Setting: This takes part on the beach outside of her home. The scene is set well with a lot of vivid description.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: this piece was really sad because of the grief that runs through it.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*blowing around her face where it clung wetly to the freshly fallen tears

I don't think you need the word 'wetly' here. It feels a little out of place and if she was crying the reader would know it was wet.

*BulletG*blowing around her face where it clung to the freshly fallen tears

*BulletB*Her cardigan, which she had blindly grabbed from her room in her haste to leave, did little to protect her against the gently falling rain.

I feel this is a little repetitive as before you mention the cardigan and that it wouldn't keep her protected from the winter night.

*BulletR*“Mummy is back now.” She told them quietly

This is a speech tag so the ending punctuation mark should be a comma rather than a full stop.

*BulletR*“Mummy is back now,” She told them quietly




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
435
435
Review of Amber Leaves  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I decided to do some random reviews and this piece popped up! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me *Smile* I really enjoyed reading this piece. You start it with the amber leaves of the cottonwood tree and take the reader through the memory of your grandparents. I felt the nostalgia you feel when looking at those trees and some of the sadness too. I think ending it with the cottomwood tree brings the poem full circle and concludes it nicely. This was a nice read, thanks for sharing!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
436
436
Review of Observation  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me and the subject of this piece caught my eye.

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of a younh girl who has become obsessed over a guy named Adam. I'd be interested in reading the next one!

*People*Characters: Jill is the main character in this piece. It seems she has developed some stalking tendencies even if she won't refer to it as that. IT's quite creepy just how much she knows about Adam and how much time she spends on following him.

*Home*Setting: This piece takes place at school. You allude to the place and drop hints which begins to set the scene.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"I'm Adam by the way," He turned his head to smile at her.

Because this is an action tag, the speech should end with a full stop:

*BulletG*"I'm Adam by the way." He turned his head to smile at her.







Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
437
437
Review of Fear of darkness  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Moksha and Mohit, who move to Canada for a new job. Everything goes well for so long until Mohit is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Moksha is lost for a while but manages to pull it all together and go on with her life.

While this is a good piece it doesn't let me get inside of the minds of the characters. Perhaps a little more internal dialogue would let the reader understand the characters a little better and attach them to the story.

*People*Characters: Moksha and Mohit are the main characters in this piece. As I mentioned I feel like we could get into their minds a little more and begin to understand them as individual's as well as their relationship a bit more.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Toronto, Canada.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*After the introductions Willy took them to a suburb

This just needs a comma here.

*BulletG*After the introductions, Willy took them to a suburb

*BulletB*ladder of success and within in an incredibly

There's an extra word here.

*BulletB*ladder of success and within an incredibly

*BulletR*."It's been years since I saw dad and mom." she sighed

The action tag after the speech needs to begin with a capital.

*BulletR*."It's been years since I saw dad and mom." She sighed




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
438
438
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I'm sorry it took a while to get here. I chose this piece because of the subject, I wanted to know what your thoughts were on reading.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really thought provoking piece. in this essay you convey to the reader your sense of reading and how much you love it. It seems that when you begin reading you allow yourself to be swept up into the story and the moment and enjoy every last bit of it. That's exactly how a book should be read I say! I really liked your analogy about fiction being as sweet as pastries and needing non-fiction to keep the mind healthy *Smile* I think that's pretty true too. PErhaps this is why my mind is flagging, not enough of the good stuff *Wink* Anyway, thank you for sharing this piece, it was a great read!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
439
439
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's coming so late. When I spotted this piece I knew I wanted to read it because it promised to be a thought provoking read.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really thought provoking piece that encourages the reader to consider the state of the world as well as what they do within it and what they can do to make their lives as well as society a better place. I honestly am so with you on the arguments you have here and I have to say ... chocolate shortage?!?! It can't be! I didn't know that could be a possibility and that's certainly a very scary thought *Sad* Let's hope it doesn't happen! But seriosly, thank you for a thought provoking read!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*maybe even local politics,

This is the end of the sentence so needs a full stop rather than a comma.

*BulletG*maybe even local politics.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
440
440
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me! I don't often read poetry so please bear with me *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really intricate and vivid poem that considers what your colour is and how your colour interacts with others in the world. I really like the analogies you makes to the places where silver can be seen, often unnoticed but always there. To me that means your personality is the same, you are always there to offer support and encouragement but often, what you give goes unnoticed. I hope that doesn't sound too cynical. That's just my view of the poem.

I think the way it's written is brilliant, it really captures the tone and mood and essence of your colour *Heart*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
441
441
Review of The Unexpected  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with your second review *Smile* I chose this piece because I want to know what unexpected thing happened!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Sharon and Steve, co workers who don't always get on but are forced to work together on a project. As they spend more and more time together their opinions of each other seem to change until it blossoms into a beautiful romance.

I think this is a really sweet story and I like the idea that all they needed was to spend some time together rather than listening to what other people have said. However, I think because of the way you have narrated this in third person omniescent, it feels a little detached and I found I couldn't connect with the characters. Perhaps choosing one and sticking with their point of view would help this piece along. It's just a suggestion, don't feel you have to do it!

*People*Characters: Sharon and Steve are the main characters here. The first thing we realise is that both of them are perceiving the other from the opinions of the other people in the office. As they begin to spend time together we realise that their opinions of each other are changing which is quite sweet and suggest both are open to change.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the office but perhaps a little more decription would really help set the scene.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
442
442
Review of Falling in Love  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with my first of three reviews! I chose this piece because I wanted to see how you described falling in love in just 55 words! The idea intrigues me *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really sweet short piece that captures the moment of falling in love with someone after he helps her up. I think the important part you captured is the meeting of eyes and you manage to get the intensity of it too. The ending was pretty good too, I liked that although she was falling in love she was still concerned. i guess that's how it is when we make ourselves vulnerable.

Thanks for sharing this!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*She looked up at him and deeply into his eyes as reached to help her up from her fall.

I would suggest a little word change around here:

*BulletG*She looked up at him, deep into his eyes as he reached to help her up from her fall.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
443
443
Review of Waiting  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's coming so late! I chose this piece because I prefer to read stories and the title of the piece caught my eye; waiting is never easy.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of an army sargeant who, with his men on a plane ready to deploy, he contemplates his life as he waits. He goes through his cherished memories of his wife and his daughter. He takes the reader through the story and his life and allows them to get to know him.

*People*Characters: The sargeant is the main character here and it is his story we hear as he waits. I feel we get to know him, his family, his life and loves quite well through this time.

*Home*Setting: This is set on a plane as the men wait to deploy for a mission. The scene is set well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
444
444
Review of Fear  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it took me a while to get here!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is being pursued by nameless pursuers. It is about the chase and anxiety of it all.

*People*Characters: The main character is the one narrating the story as well as the one running from the pursuers. We know nothing about him but I think for such a short and adrenaline filled piece, this works just fine.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a forest where the man is running from his pursuers. You set the scene so well using a myriad of vivd description.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: this is an adrenaline packed chase and you capture the anxiety so well!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*
*BulletG*

*BulletB*
*BulletB*

*BulletR*
*BulletR*

*BulletV*
*BulletV*

*Bullet*
*Bullet*

*BulletG*
*BulletG*

*BulletB*
*BulletB*

*BulletR*
*BulletR*

*BulletV*
*BulletV*

*Bullet*
*Bullet*





*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
445
445
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me, I can only apologise it's taken me a while to get here!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who has everything but someone to share it with. He finally finds that person and weds him. Things are going really well until he is slaughtered in his sleep and his new partner, weeps and weeps and weeps and fertilises the land. This is a really nice piece and told in the traditional way of a fable. Perhaps a little more description in some places would help the reader see it more clearly.

*People*Characters: Avasae and Jacgu are the main characters here. We know they are both happy characters and work well as a couple, however, beyond that, we don't know anything else about them. Perhaps a little more character development, letting the reader know what they are like personality wise, would let them get more involved.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a different time, a land far away. Although you don't tell the reader where, you still manage to set the tone of the piece with the way you write it.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
446
446
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I hit the random review button and your acrostic poem came up, so here I am with a review!


*Checkg*What I liked:

While I don't read much poetry I like acrostics and so I enjoyed reading this. Autumn is my favourite season so seeing this relived in the change in season and weather under a hazy sky was really nice for me *Smile* It made me smile. Each of the letters you have used counts, it works well together and reminds me of autumn. Thanks for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
447
447
Review of IMPORTANT!  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that you just edited this in your port and I wanted to stop by and read. It was almost demanding me to read, after all! *Smile* Plus I owe you a review!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who, after picking up a photograph lost from an old man, tries to return it when he spots the cottage the picture is taken of, only when he enters the cottage is turns out he can never leave!

This was a really neat read and I thought the way you did it was really clever *Smile*

*People*Characters: There are two characters in this, the man who is telling the narrative and the man from the cottage. We don't find out a lot about either of them as this is more of a flash fiction but I think that's fine and it works well.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but you set the scene well *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
448
448
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:

I couldn't resist stopping by to read the other part of the story, so here I am! *Smile*

Pat, this was another amazing read. Your decision to adopt Tony was a big one but deep down you knew that it was the right thing to do. Through many trials and tribulations you persevered, supporting him all you could and helping him through the bad times. I am so proud of you for being able to do that and come through it, like you said, perhaps not at the happily ever after just yet, but heading for it *Smile*

Thank you again for sharing your insights on adoption, the process and the experience. The whole things has certainly been an eye opener and while it has done that it has not put me off.

Oh and Pat, you are such a wonderful person, don't ever forget that *Heart*


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
449
449
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:


Hey Pat, when I spotted this piece I knew instantly that I wanted to read it. ADoption has always been something I thought I'd do so learning more about it seemed like a good idea. I know we're on different sides of the world but all experiences count.

Your story has been a big slice of reality and a thought provoking read. It shed some light on a lot of issues and helped me see both how rewarding and how draining adoption can be. I truly hope that things are still good for you (I think I recall that your daughter is now married?). I think sometimes a little bit of space and self protection are what is needed and you did the right thing by looking after you.

Thank you for sharing this *Heart*


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
450
450
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Jim and Marie who are driving to an appointment for Jim. Jim is reluctant to go burt Marie insists, telling him that smelling better will be better for him. You lead the reader down a blind twist and I like it *Smile* I bet I'm not the only one who thought this was all to do with his chain smoking habit!

*People*Characters:Jim and Marie are the characters in this piece. Marie is the caring wife, encouraging Jim to make the change he needs to, going with him. Jim comes across as a bit of a tough man. He doesn't want to change and doesn't see the need to change but is going for his wife.

*Home*Setting: This narrative takes place in the car and you set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece had a strong sense of relationship and reality.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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