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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 12 13 14 15 -16- 17 18 19 20 21 ... Next
376
376
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by, and now I'm finally here!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this is a really good first chapter. You introduce the main character and hint at the preface to the story. In this chapter we spend a lot of time getting to know Celeste.

*People*Characters: You have characterised her really well even form here and I think I'm beginning to know how quite well. From the beginning she strikes me as someone who's particularly grounded and earthly, strongly connected to her feelings and emotions. It doesn't strike me as odd to learn that she has sometimes seen other creatures and spirits and has talked with them as a child. I think you did a really good job of portraying her to the reader here and I think that she's a very likable character.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Celeste's home which is described really well. You really set the scene here and show the reader what it looks like.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is very emotionally attached to celeste and quite creepy in places.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Celeste knew it was old fashion,

I wonder if this should be 'fashioned'. It seems to sound better.

*BulletG*Celeste knew it was old fashioned,

*BulletB*She was whipping her mouth when a bang at the front door startled her.

I think this should be 'wiping'

*BulletB*She was wiping her mouth when a bang at the front door startled her.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
377
377
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece as I'm judging for this contest anyway and I haven't managed to stop by with a review yet *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a 55 word story and I love these! I think it can be so hard to manage to write a story in this many words and for it to make sense. As it is this piece is a little abstract but I like it *Smile* You have written about a person who wants to paint the town red but then who finds himself in a white room dripping with red. It's quite ominous and I think the atmosphere of that comes across really clearly throughout. It leaves the reader asking: what? But I think it's meant to do that and therefore I think it's well done!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
378
378
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. When I saw this piece and that it was about books and libraries, I couldn't resist! The fact that it's horror only increased my smile!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of our narrator who overhears a conversation by two men, Bill and Jim, about the other world in the library. It's a really interesting concept and the way you chose to write it is really interesting, it shows how things can be heard and interpreted.

*People*Characters: Bill and Jim are two of the characters but we don't physically see them, only hear them through the shelves. The narrator we don't really get to know as the story is about the conversation he overhears.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a library and you have set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This hit me as something fantasy like with it being another world.

*BurstR*Dialogue: The only qualm I had with the dialogue is that I sometimes found it difficult to keep up with who was saying what. I'm wondering if you should have quotation marks and speech tags maybe.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
379
379
Review of What is normal?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return a review you did for me, I'm just sorry it's taken me a while to get here. I chose to read this piece because I think so many people strive to find that thing called 'normal' that I wanted to see your take on it too.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting piece that considers the word normal and what that means as well as the fact that it can mean completely different things to different people. I like that. It is also quite a raw piece that details reality and thoughts just as you see it and feel it. I thought it was a good read. It flows well and keep me hooked throughout.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*People full and crap and pissy take me for a ride.

I'm wondering if this should be...

*BulletG*People full of crap and pissy take me for a ride.

*BulletB*Did anyone ever consider I might be normal and upright.

This is a question so I'd use a question mark.

*BulletB*Did anyone ever consider I might be normal and upright?



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

The only other thoguht I had was that this struck me as a poem yet it's listed as 'other'. I'm wondering why?


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
380
380
Review of The Watercourse  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I chose this piece because it was in your highlighted items.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is just a short exerpt of a published novel you have but it's already a really gripping piece. The characters feel real, the dialogue is natural and flows well and there's a strong sense of tension throughout.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
381
381
for entry "Chapter Two - Fairies" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Well I enjoyed Jayden's first chapter so much I couldn't resist stopping in for the next to find out what happens! (Perhaps it's not just for children after all!)

*Pencil*Storyline: This is another really great chapter. In this one the pair go on quite a different adventure to meet creatures of a very different kind and though this one seems to be about conversation and finding out things about the fairies, it still works really well.

*People*Characters: I think this piece shows what a great brother Jayden is. He wants to let his sister have some fun too and wants to try something new which is nice. But I think the ending really shows his true interests and it made me smile!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a gorgeous field under the glorious sun shine and you have set the scene well.

*BurstR*Dialogue: I think the dialogue feels good and natural and just right for their ages. I noticed in some places you've missed a few commas at the end of speech or before beginning it. I've noted a few below.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“The deep indigo of a starlit night” suggested a deep but quiet voice from very close to Jayden’s ear.

This just needs a comma in the quotation marks.

*BulletG*“The deep indigo of a starlit night,” suggested a deep but quiet voice from very close to Jayden’s ear.

*BulletB*“This is my brother Jayden! Jayden, this is Ee-oh-land” she said,

This just needs a comma too.

*BulletB*“This is my brother Jayden! Jayden, this is Ee-oh-land,” she said,

*BulletR*Eolande smiled and added “It has been so wonderful to meet you two, you must come back and visit us again someday.”

Just a comma needed before the speech here.

*BulletR*Eolande smiled and added, “It has been so wonderful to meet you two, you must come back and visit us again someday.”





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
382
382
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Elle, I'm here with my first review of three as part of the package you won. The story of this book intrigued me and so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: Aw this is a really neat children's story. It made me smile all the way through as I followed Jayden and Caitlin's adventure. It was written in a simple style that would be easy for children to read and I think it's appealing in its adventurous nature too.

*People*Characters: Jayden is the main character in this piece. It is him who writes the story that he soon finds himself involved it. He's in awe of it but a little scared at the same time and finds he's glad to have his sister along for the journey. He seems like a really sweet kid.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in New Zealand. You set the scene with some background knowledge about local sights as well as pronunciations which I think work well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece was full of adventure and intrigue, just right!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The man smiled and said “So you’ve come to learn about the taniwha, have you Jayden?”

This just needs a comma.

*BulletG*The man smiled and said, “So you’ve come to learn about the taniwha, have you Jayden?”



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
383
383
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! You asked me to review this piece for you so here I am. I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to get here! I don't often read poetry but I sure try to give it a go!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really sweet piece. It tells of a man's love for a woman, the way he looks at her, the way he sees her and the way his body reacts all go towards showing the reader just how he feels. I think it comes across really well that he's pretty besotted with her and that he thinks she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

The last two stanzas focus a little more on her presence and positivity on himself which I really like. It doesn't come across as a dependency but rather, a motivating factor for him. I think you capture the love in this piece really well and it really makes me hope she loves him back, just so!

The piece flows really well and the first two stanzas in particular I found intriguing and very descriptive *Smile* Well done!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
384
384
Review of Flashing Lights  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to return the review you did for me and I found myself looking at this piece and being drawn to it. Perhaps it was the description, but it intrigued me.


*Checkg*What I liked:

Wow this piece is a very emotionally charged one. It left me really feeling for you and your family. To know that now whenever you see those flashing lights you remember that moment, must be something that is difficult to take. This is a really personal piece and I thank you for being brave enough to share it with the community. I also want to say that I hope your visit with him went well *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
385
385
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I spotted this piece and both the title and description really intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Noel and her Aunt Cleo. Noel wakes to the howling wind and goes to shut the window in her Aunt's bedroom but is scolded and refrains. Then, she has to make a decision about whether to contact the hospice.

I think the bit where she had to make that decision knowing there would be a plastic cover with oxygen confused me a little. I assume Cleo had dementia or something and wasn't quite sure why she'd need oxygen.

*People*Characters: Noel appears to be a young woman and a carer for her Aunt. It looks like she takes her role really seriously.

*Home*Setting: This is set in the future (or so Cleo thinks anyway)




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*She sit up,

I think this should be 'sat'

*BulletG*She sat up,

*BulletB*she pushed i t shut
*BulletB*she pushed it shut

*BulletR*"OK, Aunt Cleo," she picked up the controls

As this is an action tag following the speech it needs a full stop and a capital letter.

*BulletR*"OK, Aunt Cleo." She picked up the controls





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
386
386
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Joy! I'm here with a review as you requested one and I just want to tell you, you're my first request! It's all quite exciting *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I read your short story 'Real Winner' which tells of a guardian angel who's given his first assignment and is there to guide Bobby who is a race car driver. This is quite a neat take on the prompt of winner and it's nice because it provides a moral too, that you can win in different ways. It's so true and I guess winning is in the eye of the beholder (much like beauty). So I liked that this had a moral *Smile*

*People*Characters: Bobby and the guardian angel are the two main characters. I considered Bobby to be a good guy though I don't really feel we got inside his head a lot. It was good what he did, looking after his friend and losing on purpose so Chet would finally win his father's approval.

In terms of the guardian angel, I felt like I was left with a few unanswered questions about who he or she was and how they got there. I think perhaps a name would have helped to add character in the first instance but then perhaps a little more background on how this person became a guardian angel, what their credentials were and how they felt about the job while they were doing it.

*Home*Setting: I think this kind of takes place in a different veil as I consider a guardian angel someone who looks out for another without the other's knowledge. That's how I see it anyway. In physicality the setting changed and you helped the reader along with that each time.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This had a really nice theme to it and left me with a smile on my face knowing that the right thing was done *Smile*




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
387
387
Review of The Coin  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Josh, I'm here to return the review you did for me, I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get here!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Timothy and Lilly, a brother and sister who argue a little but love each other dearly. Their grandpa acts at the intermediary and keeps the peace between the two. They find a coin and debate what they're going to do with their share of the money right up until their hopes are dashed.

*People*Characters: Timothy and Lilly are really cute and work well as siblings. They have a deep love for each other though I suspect they bicker quite a lot!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Grandpa's garden and the scene is set well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is a really sweet piece with a strong sense of family.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*brushed the loose dirty from his khaki pants.

I think this should read 'loose dirt'

*BulletG*brushed the loose dirt from his khaki pants.

*BulletB*Afterall, the two were going to split it.

There just needs to be a space here as they are two words.

*BulletB*After all, the two were going to split it.

*BulletR*curiousity.

Just a little typo here.

*BulletR*curiosity



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
388
388
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's taken me a while! I found this piece and thought I'd stop by, though I'm not sure what to expect from it (whether it's a collection or all focused on one thing).

*Pencil*Storyline: This piece tells of a woman who suffers at the hands of her husband going through emotional and physical abuse. When I got to the ending I have to say I was glad she did it and was able to stand up for herself.

Something I noticed when I was reading this is that in places it switches from past to present tense which is a little distracting. I would try to stick with one to make it easier for the reader.

*People*Characters: There are several characters in this piece but the woman who's story we follow is the main character. SHe comes across as someone who's had too much and refuses to take anymore so she steps up.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Just like a man she thought but she made those vows and everyone she knew has kept them but still she wanders if there is life out there

This should be 'wonder'

*BulletG*Just like a man she thought but she made those vows and everyone she knew has kept them but still she wonders if there is life out there

*BulletB*Then with out one single thought

'with out' should be one word.

*BulletB*Then without one single thought




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
389
389
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: When I got the email about the new fundraiser I wanted to come and check it out *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat and original fundraiser idea! I really wish I could come up with some fun things like this *Smile* But honestly, the page looks good, it's set out really clearly and makes a lot of sense! Can't wait to jump in!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
390
390
Review of SHE WAITS  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and when I hit the random review button, this came up *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me! This is about a woman who has searched long for the perfect partner, for the one she could spend her life with and now she has finally found it in the fusion of two spirits. I think you capture her desire really well in this an allow the reader to understand and feel that need as well. The poem flows well and each of the stanzas fit nicely together and the rhymes are natural.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
391
391
Review of Loss of Control  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Nixie! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Terry. She is portrayed as the perfect mum, happy and content, and then we see her shoplifting without even thinking. As the story progresses she's caught and charged. The stress is all too much for her and eventually she walks out.

*People*Characters: Terry is the main character in this. Despite the fact that she's doing something wrong I really feel like I could identify with her to some degree and understand why she was doing what she was doing.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but you set the scene with each change to allow the reader to know what is going on.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
392
392
Review of In the dark  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review from your package at the Garden Gazebo!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I chose this piece because of the title because I generally like reading dark things, but this dark story really tugged at my heart. It seems you scrimped and saved and did everything you could to show your children a fantastic Christmas, but it all became a little bit too much with an overwhelming darkness. I feel like this is a really personal piece you have shared and I think you for doing so *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*It filled me worried as I watched them open their gifts.

I think this feels a little awkward to me. I think I would write it like:

*BulletG*It filled me with worry as I watched them open their gifts.

*BulletB*One hundred and twenty one dollars would be next to imposable with out someone's help.
*BulletB*One hundred and twenty one dollars would be next to impossible with out someone's help.





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
393
393
Review of Boys will be Boys  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review from your package at the Garden Gazebo!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really sweet piece in which you look at your two sons and consider the accomplishments you've made with them, particlarly focusing on two events where you really felt like you were doing something right. I'm not a mother but I kinda know that feeling where everythng clicks into place and I know how fantastic it can be. Thank you for sharing this!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* I have two son's.

This doesn't need an apostrophe because it's a plural.

*BulletG* I have two sons.

*BulletB*Children today don't seem to care about there brothers and sisters.
*BulletB*Children today don't seem to care about their brothers and sisters.





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
394
394
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Janice! I'm here with your final review from the Garden Gazebo. Again I apologise for the lateness and can only hope you forgive! I chose this piece because of the fact that it's a mirco story and you said it was written with no repeated words which can't have been easy!

*Pencil*Storyline: Well Amanda certainly is an odd character. She has a strange obsession where she first dirties everything in sight, smearing it with spaghetti sauce and then going through a routine of cleaning it all again! You did this really well, capturing emotions and thoughts without repeating. Well done!

*People*Characters: As I said Amanda is a very strange character. She has this strange obsession that I can't help but wonder about, particularly about where it came from or why. But then, I don't think it's something you can go into in only 100 words!

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Amanda's kitchen and the scene is described well.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
395
395
Review of Karen's Upgrade  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Doc! I'm here with your final review as part of the package you were gifted *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece and I didn't see that coming at all. When you referred to Karen the model and some of the qualities that she had, I automatically assumed she was a human model. It was nice to find out she wasn't real in a way because I feel bad for making those assumptions.

*People*Characters: Fred and Karen are the main characters in this piece. Fred seems to be a little bored with his life, restless almost. He doesn't know what he wants so he thinks changing his woman will make the difference. Karen, like I said, didn't come across as an android at first so that was a pleasant surprise! She seems to be the perfect woman, one who listens and learns and wants her partner to be happy.

*Home*Setting: i think this must take place on earth just perhaps at a time a little in the future when technology has progressed.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Fred stretched out his tall frame and rolled over, looking at his woman, she was perfect in all the right ways.

I read this sentence several times and it didn't seem to sit right with me. I think I would change it into two sentence:

*BulletG*Fred stretched out his tall frame and rolled over. Looking at his woman he saw she was perfect in all the right ways.

*BulletB*Karen's eye's opened, Fred had arisen precisely five minutes ago.

This is a comma splice as both parts of the sentence can stand alone. I would suggest changing it for two:

*BulletB*Karen's eye's opened. Fred had arisen precisely five minutes ago.





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
396
396
Review of New Galway  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review as part of the package you were gifted with the Garden Gazebo! I can only apologise it's coming to you so late.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Selena, the daughter of a well to do man who is off travelling on her own to seek the new lands. Jeremy is astonished at this and can barely believe she is there alone which is why he probably keeps an eye out for her.

I get the feeling this piece hasn't been finished yet and I'm guessing this is just the start of it. You make a good start so far to introduce the characters and the world.

*People*Characters: Selena is the main character in this piece so far. She's a young woman who shirks her ranks and is off to explore. It struck me that this isn't the proper thing for her to do, judging by Jeremy's reaction. I think a little more background on her and her family would be a good idea to help set the context. For example, is she like a royal? That's kind of the impression I got.

Already I can feel something passing between Selena and Jeremy, something unspoken but clear.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this piece is set. I think it's set in the future in a foreign land but if this is so perhaps some foreshadowing would be helpful to the reader.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece has a strong sense of adventure and fantasy already!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*This is it, she thought to herself.

This is more of a personal thing, but when I do internal dialogue, I tend to put it in italics so it stands out and then don't have the tag afterwards.

*BulletG*This is it.

*BulletB*The though still managed to twist her normally delicate smile into a grimace.
*BulletB*The thought still managed to twist her normally delicate smile into a grimace.

*BulletR*But he wasn't staring at her, in fact aside from nothing that she was there, he didn't seem to be interested in her at all.

Here I think you could do with an extra comma and I think you mean 'noting'

*BulletR*But he wasn't staring at her, in fact, aside from noting that she was there, he didn't seem to be interested in her at all.


*BulletV*evidently makign sure all was ready for the next run.
*BulletV*evidently making sure all was ready for the next run.






Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
397
397
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review since you were locked up in the Writers Garden Jail a Thon! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Chloe who has been in love with her best friend's brother for as long as she can remember. As a reader I almost thought it was going to be an unrequited love scenario until we saw things from his point of view! Then it was just a case of it being a waiting game. This was a really nice storyline and I have to say, it made me swoon to see them together *Smile*

*People*Characters: This story initially follows Chloe. We know that she is in love with Landon but doesn't think she's good enough for him. It makes me a little sad to see how insecure she is but happy for her in the end. Landon is the same, just as insecure. Perhaps because I'm a woman I identifed more with Chloe.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes throughout but you take the reader with you and transport them with the characters.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Love nice and mushy *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*ready to throw away the years he'd spent resisiting her,

Just a little typo here:

*BulletG*ready to throw away the years he'd spent resisting her,




Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
398
398
Review of There's a Catch  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: Wow this was a really amazing and disturbing piece! Well done *Smile* It tells the story of Teresa who is being held captive by a man, for what I think is a long time. That day he comes to her and says that he is going to release her but in a twisted turn of events, he thrusts her into a room full with keys and tells her all she needs to do is find the one for her padlock...

This was honestly a really twisted piece and I loved reading it! I used to have a key collection. I'm not sure why but I like keys, I like the idea that they can unlock and hold secrets. But this held the idea that they could capture and imprison. A very unfair turn of events for her! I don't think my key collection was anywhere near that size!

*People*Characters: Teresa is the main character in this piece. She is a woman who's been imprisoned for a long time and she's almost at her end, but the fact that he tells her she only has a little challenge to face and she still has the strength to say that she'll do it says a lot about her. You capture her internal dialogue really well too which really lets the reader get into her mind and understand where she's coming from.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in some dark, dank place where she's been held captive. You describe it so well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: CREEPY! *Smile*




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*and each intake of breath meet a jarring stab of pain from beatings to her torse

I think this should be 'torso'

*BulletG*and each intake of breath meet a jarring stab of pain from beatings to her torso

*BulletB*and the chains that bound her hands her wrists clanged dully,

I'm wondering if there should be a comma or the word 'and' between hands and her?

*BulletB*and the chains that bound her hands, her wrists clanged dully,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
399
399
Review of Manners  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this piece saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and read it!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Russell who is on the run from an unseen monster. It tracks him and, gaining courage, he goes to investigate. He checks out the creature and takes it in, offering it food while trying to teach it manners which all seems like a good idea until it goes wrong...

This piece starts off with a lot of suspense that keeps it moving and keeps the reader wanting to read on. That's well done.

*People*Characters: Russell and the monster are the main character in this. We feel the boy's fear as he is chased and then his bravado comes out later . The monster is also really well described and while we don't know what it is, we know what it looks like!

*Home*Setting: This is set deep in the woods where Russell is hiding.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: As I mentioned earlier this piece has a lot of tension which keeps the reader involved throughout




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
400
400
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and I hit the random review button and this piece popped up, so here I am!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry because I struggle to find meaning, but this piece was clear throughout. This tells of a man who loves a girl who doesn't love him back or who isn't good for him. The love is unrequited and the pain and emotion of that comes through with a stark clarity. It's a very honest piece in which the narrator questions why he still does something when it hurts him. From my point of view it makes me think about similar sort of things because I think that everyone has things they avoid but that haunt them.

The last two lines in particular really drive it home for me and emphasise the overwhelming sadness in the piece. This is written as a free form poem and I think it works well with the subjec to bring across the emotion.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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