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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 11 12 13 14 -15- 16 17 18 19 20 ... Next
351
351
Review of Plunged  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return the review you did for me!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I ended up choosing this piece because the title and genre combined made me think it was a dark piece, and indeed it was. It's a very short story that has a beginning, middle and end and is told in as few words as possible. It has quite an impact considering that and I think it works well.

My only suggestion would be to add something in the description. You have quite a few short pieces with this same descripton that you're writing the shortest story possible, but it doesn't tell the reader about the piece. Just a thought!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
352
352
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece in return for the review you did for me! At first glance it looks like this text is quite heavy and it can be a little daunting for the reader. I would suggest trying to break it up into a few more paragraphs to make it easier on the eye and to read.

*Pencil*Storyline: This looks like it's the start of a story that looks at Jalyssa, her life and her achievements so far. As far as the piece goes it's a good start, it introduces the main character and her goals for the future. It does feel a little slow to me. Often stories start with conflict or something big to draw the reader in and I think that's what this piece is missing.

*People*Characters: Jalyssa is the main character in this piece. Through the narration, we learn that she's a single mum of two, that's she's always been mentally compressed by her family but that she's finally coming to the realisation that she wants more than that. I'm really glad that she's had this big look at her life. We learn about her character through the narration and I think it would be good if we could see it more from her point of view, her direct thoughts etc.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but it 's largely character driven and so that's what's important to far.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Wondering what her life is going to look in in ten years

I think this should be 'like'

*BulletG*Wondering what her life is going to look like in ten years

*BulletB*Wondering what her life could be like if she was to step out & take a huge risk,

Usually when written in a story 'and' should be used.

*BulletB*Wondering what her life could be like if she was to step out and take a huge risk,

*BulletR*who has always discouraged her,
*BulletR*who have always discouraged her,

*BulletV*she needs to work a 9 to 5 job,

Usually numbers below 100 are written out in full.

*BulletV*she needs to work a nine to five job,

*Bullet*Jalyssa wanted to cry, but she couldn’t in front of her children.

You have writtne this in the present tense but this brings it into the past. I would write:

*Bullet*Jalyssa wants to cry, but she can't in front of her children.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
353
353
Review of A Yellow Scarf  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I chose this piece because I wanted to find out why the yellow scarf was so intriguing *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This piece is really original. I liked the way it unravelled, allowing the reader to see how much she loved the scarf and how much it meant before allowing them to see where it really came from.

*People*Characters: Casey was the main character in this piece. It becomes clear how naive and innocent she is and I think that makes her really likeable.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes and you set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece left me with a feeling of sadness for Casey.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"Where did that come from?" Her mom asked.

As this is a speech tag it should begin with a lower case letter.

*BulletG*"Where did that come from?" her mom asked.

*BulletB*"Something like that." he answered.

This should have a comma rather than a full stop as a speech tag follows.

*BulletB*"Something like that," he answered.

*BulletR*She loved it because she lived the feeling

Just a small typo here.

*BulletR*She loved it because she loved the feeling

*BulletV*"He said he found it." She answered.

This should be a comma then a lower case letter.

*BulletV*"He said he found it," she answered.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
354
354
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Rising Star Member to Member Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: It was the description of this piece that hooked me in and made me want to read.

*Pencil*Storyline: This is quite a dark piece about a young boy who appears to be intelligent at school and is bullied for this but it seems he has the potential for a lot more than people think.

This is a really interesting piece with an original narrative.

*People*Characters: Jimmy is the main character here. He is a young boy, one who seems to be highly intelligent and very different from his classmates.

*Home*Setting: This takes place mostly at school but as the scene changes you allow the the reader to move along with the story.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: quite dark!




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Rising Stars:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
355
355
Review of The Red Ball  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Rising Star Member to Member Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I chose to read this piece because the description of it drew me in! *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This is a really interesting piece about a discovery made in the back yard of her home. The red sphere that she finds is appealing and seems to have a very unique gift. This was a really original piece and I liked it *Smile*

I know the writer's cramp has a word limit but I think with this piece I felt there were a couple of bits missing in the middle. For example, we went from her wanting more to it rushing out the window and I felt like I missed something in the middle.

*People*Characters: Jill is the main character in this piece. We don't really get to know what sort of person she is because this piece is more plot driven.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Jill's home. You describe the red sphere very well but not Jill's surrounding. I would say that might be something to consider.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Rising Stars:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
356
356
Review of My Fall for You  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to stop by and read something and when I hit the random review button this popped up! I don't read much poetry but this piece, which is about falling in love, really appeals *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece is a free verse poem about the uncertainty of falling in love. It can be quite a scary thing, especially as it seems you wanted to keep yourself guarded, but that one person slipped past the defences and you were unable to resist. The free style of this poem allows you to be freely expressive so that works well, although I would suggest adding some punctuation in there at the end of sentences etc.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*To keep myself isolat

I think this should be 'isolated'

*BulletG*To keep myself isolated

*BulletB*Now I dont know what to do

This needs an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation.

*BulletB*Now I don't know what to do

*BulletR*I guess what I dont understand

This needs an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation.

*BulletR*I guess what I don't understand

*BulletV*But im afraid when I do
*BulletV*But I'm afraid when I do

*Bullet*You wont be there
*Bullet*You won't be there




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
357
357
Review of Prigioniera  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review as part of the WDC Power Reviewers Package you have:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

When I was browsing through your folderthe title of this piece made me want to read!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a woman who, annoyed at the artist who hasn't paid back her money, goes in search of it anyway. Only she finds more than she bargained for. The idea of this piece is interesting and it certainly provides an answer to the old Mona Lisa question!

As I read it I noticed that a lot of the lines are quite short and tell the reader what is going on. This means it doesn't grab the reader as it should. I would suggest changing this a little so you show the reader things through the eyes and emotions of the characters. This will bring the characters to life and enhance the story too.

*People*Characters: Lisa is the main character in this piece. She is the wife of Nicci and it seems she has a particularly grudge that she hasn't been paid back the money yet. Apart from that, we don't really know anything else about her. I know it's a short piece but you could drop in a few things along the way that shows the reader what kind of person she is.

*Home*Setting: This piece changes scenes but I would say it needs more background descriptio so we know where it happens and what it looks and feels like.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“What?” I asked, thrown off of my very convincing speech.

Whenever I see 'off of' written down in text it doesn't seem to look right. I would suggest changing this for something else.

*BulletG*“What?” I asked, thrown off my very convincing speech.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
358
358
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I came to offer you a review as I saw you were highlighted in "Invalid Item" ! This piece is displayed at the top of your port and it instantly caught my attention. I like both the title and the description and I find that it intrigues me as to what the story is, so here I am!

*Pencil*Storyline: This follows the story of a demon who steals of human as a host in an attempt to begin following the orders he has been given from Hell, but as he progresses and tracks his prey, an Angel shows up and he knows the game is over. I think this is a really interesting plot idea. I particularly liked the way you started it as a bodiless voice looking for a host. It's interesting that we're seeing it from the point of view of the demon and we get to consider the realities of good v. evil and what we know and what could be the reality.

*Bulletv* You mention the 'Agreement' several time but don't go into detail about what it is. If you plan to describe it later on then this would be fine but otherwise I might suggest adding a little more into this to show the reader what the agreement is, who is affects and what it does.

*Bulletv* when you write: 'As I walk into the bar everything stops; the laughter, the music, and the talking. All that greets me is staring eyes.' It left me wondering why everything stopped. Maybe this needs a little more explanation.

*People*Characters: The main character is the demon who tells the story who inhabits Lillian's body. It would be good if the demon had a name so the reader knows who they are referring too. I would also suggest that he needs a bit of work. I understood he was recalled from Hell to do something but that didn't become apparent for a while and perhaps explaining what his 'job role' is or why he has been brought back would help the reader follow the story a little easier.

*Home*Setting: This takes place on earth in 2005. That's quite specific and I'm glad you set it out at the beginning. I'm wondering why y ou chose 2005 though? Just curious.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far this has a strong supernatural feel to it, keep it up!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The legs shake at first as I learn to walk again, but I learn to do it.

Here I would say it's a little repetitive having the word 'learn' twice so I would try to change one to something else. I would write something like:

*BulletG*The legs shake at first as I try to walk again, but I learn to do it.

*BulletB*He has sunglasses on, which is wise. If he were to violate this body, I could not describe his face.

I wasn't too clear on what was meant by this. I assume because the demon is possessing the body the man wouldn't have a chance to violate it.


*BulletR* If this demon where above me in the Hierarchy,

This should be 'were'

*BulletR* If this demon were above me in the Hierarchy,

*BulletV*The Angel is well over 6 feet in height.

Numbers under 100 tend to be written out in full.

*BulletV*The Angel is well over six feet in height.

*Bullet*My heart skips a beat at his smile and before I even blink the Angel disappears. He disappears taking my Prey along with him.

Here you use the word 'disappear' really closely together. I would swap one for something else to avoid the repetition.

*Bullet*My heart skips a beat at his smile and before I even blink the Angel is gone; he disappears taking my Prey along with him.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
359
359
Review of Corpses  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I came to offer you a review as I saw you were highlighted in "Invalid Item" ! I don't read much poetry so please bear with me on this one! I think it was the title that drew me into this piece.


*Checkg*What I liked:

It seems you have two different versions of this piece posted here, one word different. When I read through them I think I immediately took a liking to the second one. I think the word cradling offers a little something extra and I think it seems quite eerie in this context.

I've never written or read a poem like this where everything starts with the same letter. I think it's an interesting thing to do and think you've done really well to get this far and still have it make sense. However, I'm not convinced it is called an internal rhyme but like I say I don't read much poetry so feel free to ignore me if you know different! Maybe you could add a little something to the description to tell the reader a bit more of what it's about *Smile* Just a thought!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
360
360
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something to read and when I spotted this, I couldn't resist. I can't imagine what it would be like trying to ride out a storm (I'm from the UK and we very rarely get such disastrous weather).


*Checkg*What I liked:

Wow what a story. You told this with the most honest sincerity I think I've read in a long time. Your experience had me hooked from beginning to end as I followed the journey of the tornado with you and the destruction it left in its wake. You let the reader into your inner thought and emotions and in doing so have really opened up the piece to allow them to experience what you did. I had goosebumps as I read this. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a bad storm and that your home received as much damage as it did. I saw that you wrote this in 2004 and I really hope you've managed to patch it all back up and that no more storms have come your way.

Thank you for sharing such a personal account *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
361
361
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here as part of the Spring Raid *Smile* I chose this piece because of the title!

*Pencil*Storyline: This looks like the start to a story during which the narrator is doing something he doesn't necessarily agree with but feels he has to. We get the beginning jist of this and it seems quite interestig. I'll be interested in seeing how the title corresponds with the story.

*People*Characters: So far we have met the narrator but we don't really know much about him. Some more character development as this progresses would be good.

*Home*Setting:b This takes place in a bank, but I think the scene might change.


*BurstR*Dialogue: With dialogue, with each new person that speaks a new line should be started to help with the flow of the piece.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*As I walked over to the queue my heart jumped into my mouth, this was the moment I had been building to for the last month and I could feel my pulse hammering around my body like a jackhammer.

I think this sentence could do with being a little more broken up. I'd suggest:

*BulletG*As I walked over to the queue my heart jumped into my mouth. This was the moment I had been building to for the last month. My pulse hammered around my body like a jackhammer.

*BulletB*‘Sir?’ She repeated, slightly more demanding.

Generally dialogue should have the double quotation marks. Also, because the words after the speech are a speech tag, it should begin with a lower case letter.

*BulletB*"Sir?" she repeated, slightly more demanding.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
362
362
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* I chose to read this piece because I think I'm in the mood for a little romance!

*Pencil*Storyline: It looks like you've made a start on this and it's yet to be continued. So far we meet someone who appears to be infatuated with a man who picks her up every third Thursday of the month.

*People*Characters: We meet the narrator in this piece but don't learn a lot about her yet, though it seems she's infatuated with this man I feel like she's quite a weak willed person.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this is set. I think you need to add in more description about the background and the settting.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far, judging by the reactions of the character and the story, this piece is more about lust than love. Perhaps the love and romance comes a little bit later on.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
363
363
Review of Mom  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* When I spotted this piece I wanted to come and read it. I think it was the description that drew me in.



*Checkg*What I liked:

Julia, I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I don't think we can ever truly forget the pain of losing someone so close or how much we miss them. I really hope you're doing okay and my thoughts are with you *Heart* I think writing a letter like this can sometimes help us with dealing with a loss. It's a way to vent emotions and it seems that's what you've done here. You've expressed yourself without holding back and I really like that *Smile*

I truly hope that you're okay.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I need you now than you could ever imagine.

I think this it just missing a word.

*BulletG*I need you now, more than you could ever imagine.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
364
364
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* I don't read much poetry so please bear with me! I couldn't resist the title of this piece though!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really neat piece that looks at the Legend of the Bite. The poem has quite a dark feel to it and I think it really suits the subject of it. It reminds me of tales of yore and I like that. It flows really well and it feels natural. I felt that the repetition worked really well too and brought it all together.



*Cut**Paste* I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
365
365
Review of Procrastination  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Raid *Smile* When I saw the title of this piece I knew I had to stop by!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like this piece because for me, everybody procrastinates. I really like the way you write this. I think that the author voice is quite negative and comes across really clearly. It's quite an ironic piece about procrastination in which the writer procrastinates! I hope that you managed to reach those goals!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*60 seconds

Numbers under 100 tend to be written out in full.

*BulletG*sixty seconds








Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
366
366
Review of a thought  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviews Spring Raid! *Smile* I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!



*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece was about thoughts of a thought and how they enter your mind and twist and turn. It was a really interesting piece and you really expressed yourself well. This piece is a free form poem which has allowed you to be completely free when speaking which I like. I might suggest adding a little more in terms of punctuation as it seems to be quite inconsistent. I would also capitalise the start of each new sentences.

My other suggestion would be to add something more to the description, perhaps something about what the poem is about and what it means. That way you might be more likely to get a few more readers.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
367
367
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile* The title of this piece made me stop and look again and the description of it made me open!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really thought provoking and informative article. I think you started out with a pinpointed way and an event that will be remembered across the world forever but it was very poignant to the article. You wrote this piece with a constant clarity that allows the reader to follow your thoughts and opinion. I have to say I agree with you too, that racism still exists in a particularly heavy way in some places and towards certain groups. In my work I find that someimtes I battle those biased opinions daily but I am of the belief that everyone is equal and should have a chance.

Thank you for sharing this with the community. I found it to be a good read and something that I will think about for a while *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
368
368
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting flash fiction piece. It tells of a woman (interesting that I assume she was a woman, I think it's because of the kids) and her worry about the people she lives around. I think that it can be a justified worry and she would be right to be cautious, but because of the way she talks and her strong narrative voice, she comes over as paranoid and someone who has the potential to make a bad decision. While I agree that your neighbours can be dangerous people without you knowing, it also seems she may be too trusting of those people on the internet she talks to.

Like I said this piece has a really strong narrative voice and it comes across really well. Thank you for sharing this with us!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
369
369
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile* I don't read a lot of poetry but when I spotted this piece I couldn't resist stopping by to read.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece explores the inner turmoil you're feeling at the minute when you think about how you're feeling inside. I think the mind is a powerful thing and it's hard for someone on the outside to see how you feel or understand, but I think this piece goes a long way to looking at just how you feel and the emotions that are running so high. Well done on being able to express yourself so well. I also really like that you signed it, almost like a letter from your chaotic mind to yourself. It was a good touch.

Thank you for sharing this piece and I hope that you feel some rest soon *Heart*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
370
370
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I see that you've just started this piece and that it's a work in progress. Well, so far so good! You have introduced the narrator and the reason for his travelling and leave it open for so much more.

*People*Characters: The narrator is the main character in this piece. So far we know he is a man in his late 50s and he's visiting his brother. I think you've done well to let the reader know all that in such a short space.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Tokyo, specifically in a park. You have set the scene well!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: So far there isn't much of an atmosphere but there is plenty of time for that.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



*NoteR*A few parting comments...

My only comment would be to add a rating to this piece otherwise it won't show up on many listing and you may not get as many reviews as you'd like.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
371
371
Review of Practice  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here as part of the Power Reviewers Spring Raid *Bigsmile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I see that you listed the description of this piece as just as a piece of practice writing so I just thought I'd stop by and let you know you're on the right tracks. So far this has introduced the characters and the conflict and leads the reader on. I found myself wanting to know what happened.

*People*Characters: So far there are two main characters, the narrator and Brenda. Brenda is given a lot of description so the reader knows who she is and what she looks like. The narrator is telling the story but it might be useful if you could drop some hints in about who he is etc.

*Home*Setting: I think this must take place in their home. I would suggest adding a little bit of background information so the reader can see the place they're in

*BurstR*Dialogue: Just a little note to remember with dialogue. It should always start on a new line to make the text a little clearer. For example:

"Sorry mom, I'm busy this weekend!" I told her.

"With what?" she asked.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped and good luck with finishing it!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
372
372
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an Angel Army Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this item saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and read it *Smile* I love coffee so hope it doesn't put me off!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting piece about the pros and cons of drinking coffee. I think most people consume some level of caffeine and I certainly prefer mine in hot drinks *Smile* Although I love to induge in a coffee (especially since I work nightshift!) I tend to drink more tea in general. I think that's my English heritage (I'm from the UK and was just about brought up on tea hehe).

This was a really informative piece that taught me a few things I didn't know! So thank you for sharing and I'm just sorry it took me a while to get to reading this piece!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*although no one every “taught” me that and,

Just a little typo here.

*BulletG*although no one ever “taught” me that and,





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Angel Army:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
373
373
Review of Dark Undead  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I've had this saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by and here I finally am!

*Pencil*Storyline: I think this is a good start to the story. It introduces the main charactesr, the three siblings, and gives the reader a hint at the story and of what is to come. It certainly had me hooked.

*People*Characters: Reagan is the main character. She's the middle sibling but the one that the others look up to. She's mature and level headed and seems to be the leader of the group. Lincoln is her brother, three years older it seems he still likes to be looked after! And Kennedy is the little sister, the one to be protected. She's the one who does most of the talking when Reagan hits the thing in the road.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a dark road on their way home from the cinema. You set the scene well and allow the readers to see it as the characters do.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This is sefinitely a tense piece that left me wanting to know what happened next!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Both jumped at her. “No!” “You can’t go out there!” “Let’s just leave, please?”


If this is both Kennedy and Lincoln speaking, it need to be on separate paragraphs and have speech tags. For example:

*BulletG*Both jumped at her. “No!” Kennedy shrieked.
“You can’t go out there!” Lincoln pleaded, voice whiny.
“Let’s just leave, please?” Kennedy cut in again.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
374
374
Review of Promptly Inspired  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Let's Help Each Other Grow Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this posted in the LHEOG Forum and I wanted to stop by and say hi and offer you a little review!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really fab idea! It's bourne out of the want to give something back which is really sweet. I think it's a really good idea though. I think a lot of people really struggle because they may want to write but be stuck with ideas, and sometimes even just the littlest thing can prompt us to get moving again! *Smile* I'm saving this in my favourites and I can't wait to see what will be in store to inspire me!

The forum itself is set out in a really neat and clear way, it's easy to undertand and it's welcoming too.


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Let's Help Each Other Grow Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
375
375
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of day 24 of the 30 day image prompt contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

I know I haven't been doing a lot of reviewing for this contest because of time constraints but when I read this, I couldn't resist! This is a really fab short story. I think you managed to capture everything and it's a terrific display of show not tell *Smile* You capture his emotions and thoughts just as if they were happening and it drew me into the story, hanging on every word, wanting to know what was happening and why and if it was going to be okay. The description you use is really brilliant too, it paints a picture for the reader.

I just had to stop in and let you know!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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