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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenzie
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2,094 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Now that's cute. And it makes one reflect. I honesty never thought about the fact that others can, indeed, steal time from us...and do!

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to WDC. Glad you're here.

Blessings,
Kenzie

2
2
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done. It's important to share stories of faith. My only suggestion would be:

This: As they reject Righteousness in favor of License and the Love of the world. The Rock will be unable to impart his strength to them.

Should probably be: As they reject Righteousness in favor of License and the Love of the world,the Rock will be unable to impart his strength to them.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
3
3
Review of A Perfect Smile  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Howdy, Tim Chiu . I saw that someone else had reviewed your poem, so I had to stop by as well. I'm not one to offer too many word changes in a poem, since I believe that poetry is like abstract art and often holds meaning only to the one who writes it and to the one about whom it is written, However,I would offer advice that I received from a gentleman who earned his living by writing poems, publishing poetry books, and doing poetry readings. He told me to always read my completed poems aloud to make sure they flowed easily. Reading our poetry aloud makes us realize if there are any awkward places.

I do have to admit that I was confused a bit when your beginning spoke about "my girlfriend", i.e. "her" and then later spoke about "you and your". If any changes are warranted, I think that's where I would begin.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
 Poetry Refreshes the World  (E)
What do famous writers and poets say about poetry?
#951984 by Kenzie
4
4
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
I absolutely loved this poem! I know that some think that 5's are only supposed to be granted for perfection, but this chick thinks no one is perfect except God. *Smile* When a poem is good, when the topic is good, and when the words are put together in a way that not only flows well but also evokes response and emotion, then doggone it, I think it deserves to have a 5 rating.

I do suggest that with every poem you write you spend time to read it aloud after you've finished. It's in the reading aloud that we find places where we can make minor tweaks without changing the intent of the words. (I learned that from a man who actually earned a living writing poetry, publishing poetry books, and doing poetry readings.)

Welcome to Writing.com. It's a fantastic place to post your thoughts for others to see and appreciate. I hope your time will be as rewarding as mine has been.

And speaking of rewards, I think this poem deserves to be rewarded. And so it shall be.

Blessings,
Kenzie
 Poetry Refreshes the World  (E)
What do famous writers and poets say about poetry?
#951984 by Kenzie
5
5
Review of Letter From God  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting idea, having God writer back. *Smile* I doubt that He's lonely though.

My suggestions:

There are so many people that don’t tell me how they feel.
Should be: people who

Also:
one person that holds my hand
Should be: person who

Ending in a preposition is still frowned upon, so personally I'd just leave this sentence out: They don’t want to.

I have the people that love me
Should be: people who

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie


Member of: RAOK's logo image.  This is a shared image, so feel free to use its item number.





6
6
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow. I felt like I was there...and it reminded me of a brother I lost who chose homelessness.

Some suggestions:

I believe in line three you meant "He ambles" and not "The ambles".

I would also change the line that beings "There is a fog that shrouds" to "Fog shrouds".

Thanks for sharing. And welcome to Writing.com. I hope you're getting involved in the 12 year site birthday bash events.

Blessings,
Kenzie
7
7
Review of Your Today  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
This one has an excellent message. I appreciate that.

Poetry is difficult to judge, I think. It's like abstract art - attractive to some, confusing to others. I have learned that reading it aloud helps to find the awkward places that might need a tweak here or there. For me, there's an awkwardness in reading the last verse.

You wrote:

Learn to be content with what is
Witness each day as heaven sent
Because your today is a gift
That's why they call it the present.

I might suggest:


Learn to be content with what is
Accepting whatever comes
Today is a gift wrapped just for you
A present from heaven above

Sometimes soft rhymes are better than forced ones.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
8
8
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a lesson that every child and teen should read. Daring other kids to do things or participating in dares is so wrong, and this story tells us why.

Someone else mentioned your spelling of "realised", but since you also used the word "sod" in a way not usual for American English, I'm sure "realised" is correct where you live just like "realized" is correct in the U.S.

I would, however, put spaces between paragraphs as suggested.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
9
9
Review of Pain  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm sorry someone rated your poem so low. Perhaps there is a line or two where you could tweak it, making sure the flow or rhythm is more "perfect." But...I know that when words come because of some life experience, we don't always want to change them after they have poured from our hearts. And that I understand.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." - Frank A. Clark

"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford
10
10
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
You bet. I'm with you. Books are real treasures.

A few suggestions:

1) You have classified this as "other". I would probably change that...because most folks don't go searching for an other.

2) To them, a book is just a mundane chore that has to be done every now and then when the teacher demands it.

Should this be: To them, readinga book is just a mundane chore that has to be done every now and then when the teacher demands it.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie



11
11
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow. This was quite an undertaking. As I read through it, it did wonder about something. I was born in 1952, so I don't remember many of TV shows until about 1956 or later. But I've seen re-runs. It seems to me that the eary 1950's shows were even a bit different than the later 50's, and much different than the 60's shows.

I have a few suggestions:

And the fact that a women had a husband and a child didn’t necessarily mean she spent her time cooking and cleaning. (a woman)

Murder She Wrote - wasn't that later than the 50's or 60's?

A individual actress in the fifties could play a variety of different roles which could range from housewife to criminal. (An indivdual)

tv is usually written TV.

My spell checker shows schoolteachers rather than school teachers.

And it shows icebox rather than ice box.
Bandleader rather than band leader.
Crewmember rathen than crew member.


He had been taken care of by an elderly relative.
(An elderly relative had taken care of him.)

Fifties televison prepared girls (television)

She was assisted by deputy sheriff Lofty Craig (Brad Johnson). (Deputy sheriff Lofty Craig (Brad Johnson) assisted her.)

Dale could shoot guns out of the bad guys hands just as well as Roy. (guy's or guys')

“Dragnet’s” Joe Friday occasionally was assisted by policewomen. (Policewomen occasionally assisted “Dragnet’s” Joe Friday.)

Young women in the sixties might not have remembered specific televison situations (television)

One more thing. If you want to make those links live, you'll need to use WritingML. instead of < >

Thanks for sharing. You've mentioned many shows I never heard about. *Smile*

Blessings,
Kenzie
12
12
Review of Journal  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Howdy, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds . This is a good beginning for a journal. Your first entry had some words that each of us should remember:

Unless you are making millions from your poems, or are even a recognized author...take the time to talk to the "little people."

Indeed. There will always be people who think they are great. (We have some at the local writer's group that meets at the bookstore.) But if you look around, you'll find others who DO want to make a few friends.

Blessings,
Kenzie
13
13
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
While you have some valid points here and some good information (and opinions), it is not well organized nor punctuated properly.

For instance, there are quite a few incomplete sentences, or just short, choppy ones.


There is much said these days concerning the pitfalls of using the Internet. You need only pick up a newspaper, or magazine. Switch on the television. Or listen to the radio to hear the horror stories.
Perhaps...There is much said concerning the pitfalls of using the Internet. You need only pick up a newspaper, or magazine, switch on the television, or listen to the radio to hear the horror stories.

The Internet is like any major city, in that it has its beauty spots and its ghettos. Its high points and its fair share of lows. When it comes to the users we find online. Well these are the same people we might see on the street. An assortment of individuals from all walks of life. The reasons for going online and surfing the net are as numerous as the cars on our busy roads.
Perhaps...The Internet is like any major city. It has its beauty spots and its ghettos, its high points and its fair share of lows. When it comes to the users we find online, they are the same people we might see on the street, an assortment of individuals from all walks of life.

If we look for romantic success stories of those who met via the Internet. We must look a little deeper than we might at first anticipate. Before we go any further we must look at the types of sites out there and which ones should be avoided.
How about...If we look for romantic success stories of those who met via the Internet, we must look a little deeper than we might at first anticipate.

Whilst we can never be one hundred percent certain that the person we are speaking to online, is in fact who they say they are. We can make sure of a number of things.
Try...Whilst we can never be one hundred percent certain that the person we are speaking to online, is who he/she claims, we can make sure of a number of things.

For one thing very few people who had no interest in extreme sports would join a group on the subject. And even if they did. How long would it be before their obvious lack of knowledge betrayed them?
For one thing, very few people who had no interest in extreme sports would join a group on the subject. Even if they did, how long would it be before their obvious lack of knowledge betrayed them?

So if its love you are seeking. Look first for friendship. Allow yourself the luxury of getting to know others online, over a good few months. At least three months and preferably six. This time will give you the chance to see the other person in all their varied moods, from happy to sad and everything in between.
Consider...So if its love you are seeking, look first for friendship. Allow yourself the luxury of getting to know others online, over a at least three to six months. This time will give you the chance to see the other person in all his/her varied moods, from happy to sad and everything in between.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie


14
14
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (2.5)
I really am not sure what your are trying to say here.

The process of becoming a non-profit organization has to be something that takes time and proof/investigation, otherwise every people who should not have non-profit status would get them. When I worked for a church, there was a new non-profit being organized to help the poor fix their homes. The approval process took about 18 months. Meanwhile, to get started (since the organizers were able to get some grant money if they could get another non-profit to accept the money and watch over them), they convinced our church to help out. That only happened after our church did their own investigation of how the organization would work, where the grant money would go, and how much our church would be involved or responsible.

All of that makes perfect sense to me, but it appears that your writing is upset both at the time frame it takes to become a non-profit and that an existing non-profit won't help you out.

I would suggest two things:

1) Make this writing more understandable - about your own situation and what message you are trying to give.

2) That you do some proofreading on the web site you mentioned here. On that site, there are quite a few places where you have used "your" instead of "you're".

Additionally, on the site referenced, there is a story about a woman in a Target parking lot. I did a quick urban legend check and discovered this at Snopes.com:
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/sugared.asp If your real intent is to help others learn about fraud, I would suggest checking out stories before circulating them.

Blessings,
Kenzie
15
15
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting way of pondering you, me or anyone else. *Smile*

Personally, I think we are who and what we were created, then we add to that original work of God's heart by the situations and occurances in our lives. Each person who speaks to us helps define us even more. Each smile or frown directed at us helps shape our lives. We are the sum total of each day of our lives, each new skill we have learned or honed, each relationship in which we participated.

That also means that tomorrow when we awaken, we will be an entirely different creature? Why? Because we have added one more day, one day of relationship activities, one more day of learning and honing to our sum.

One suggestion:

If your not your reputation

Should be: you're not your

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie

16
16
Review of Barely Breathing  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Wow. Usually when one reads about bipolar it is not this poetic. You've done an excellent job explaining the highs and lows, the euphoria and despair. At least I think you have. It makes sense to one who does not suffer this.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
17
17
Review of 'F' Words  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is phantastic! It must have been a challenge to spell all those words wrong. Much like asking a good singer to sing poorly. *Bigsmile* Good rhythm, good rhymes and you've made one heck of a good point. *Smile* Love those last two lines.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
18
18
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great. I can see why Joe would like this poem about himself. It has that bounce and just enough repetition that it should make him take notice and hold his interest. *Smile*

You have received a larger portion of life's trials than many of us. But from the story of your faith, you've learned to lean on the One who cares most.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
19
19
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
I saw SouthernDiva 's public review and just had to stop by. I'm with her. My grandmothers lived past 90 and great-grandmother until almost 100, so middle age, for me, probably started at 45 or so as well. *Bigsmile*

Love your sense of humor. Hopefully you'll keep it so that you can follow up with peri-menopause and menopause humor.

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
20
20
Review of Hey, You!  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wonderful advice written in the form of a poem. Well done. Some would say that women in particular tend to put the care of others before themselves. But is that really caring for them? I doubt it.

Thanks for the reminder. The last two verses really tell a tale.

Blessings,
Kenzie
21
21
Review of The Other Woman  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good story. And a wonderful reminder for us all...

A few suggestions:

I noticed the new scent on him in the morning's

Should just be "mornings" - plural not possessive.

This was all coming from a man that wouldn’t even buy himself any sexy silk boxers to wear to bed with me.

Should be "man who..."

Thanks for sharing.

Blessings,
Kenzie
22
22
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love this contest. And you're right, Bandit's Mama was certainly an expert. *Smile*

I'm much too verbose myself, and because of health issues not prone to take on new projects, so not apt to attempt to learn to be otherwise. *Bigsmile*

BUT...I love reading them. So, I'm sending a few gp's to help with the contest.

Blessings,
Kenzie
23
23
Review of EARTH ANGELS  
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a surprise and an honor to be listed among these "Earth Angels." As I read through your list, I found myself nodding my head. Indeed, these folks are special.

And...

You are quite an encourater yourself, you know. *Smile*

I love your poem.

Thanks for recognizing others - and me - this way. It means so much.

Blessings,
Kenzie
24
24
Review by Kenzie
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thanks, Dr Taher writes again! for entering the fibromyalgia contest. Your entry showed that you DID research and try to understand, and I appreciate that. *Smile* I'm sorry there were not more entries. But even if there had been, I'm certain that yours would have been a winning entry anyway.

Thanks again.

Blessings,
Kenzie
25
25
Review by Kenzie
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have shared, quite eloquently, what many of us have thought. *Smile*

I do have a few suggestions:

*Note1*While this sentence is not wrong, I read it three or four times and was still confused by the wording.

Or they choose not to do so by not learning themselves what they do not know in order to truly help their children.

*Note1*When young poet’s try to justify their choices after I express my opinion that this adds nothing to most poetry, I respond by asking them: “If you were to write a poem about Cathy and Liza’s doll collection, would you not capitalize their names?”

Should be: When young poets...

You also have some rather long sentences. They are punctuated properly, but I found myself almost out of breath, as if I were reading them aloud even though I was not. *Smile* In today's world, a world where the newspapers are being written for a 6th grade reading level, long sentences are not the norm. Does your word processing program also have the tool for showing readability features, including grade level? I just discovered that tool, and am intrigued by it.

I might include a few bullets or lists instead of huge hunks of text. That is appealing to the eye and is something that is being used in magazines and web pages.

Sadly, those who read this will, undoubtedly be the ones who agree with you. You're probably preaching to the choir. *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing, though.

Blessings,
Kenzie
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