Serious question. Don't you think that if you are writing about the second coming of Christ, you should want your writing to be flawless?
You said:
Picture it a crisp cool morning in September it's nice out the weather is cool and calm. You just want to be in the nice cool calm day and sit in the sun, the sun is just warm not too cool not too hot. The sun is about to set it's that pretty orangish, yellowish, red today however it seems brighter, richer, the prettiest you have ever seen it. All of a sudden you feel a sweet-smelling breeze reach out and kiss your skin, your lips, you breathe it in.
This would be better:
Picture it, a crisp cool morning in September. It's nice out. The weather is cool and calm. You just want to be in the nice cool calm day and sit in the sun. The sun is just warm, not too cool not too hot. The sun is about to set. It's that pretty orangish, yellowish, red today, however, it seems brighter, richer and the prettiest you have ever seen. All of a sudden you feel a sweet-smelling breeze reach out and kiss your skin, your lips; you breathe it in.
The rest could use some corrections as well. Just my opinion, of course.
What a cute story about the Tooth Fairy. I loved that you used words like thou and forthwith. I also loved that you knew that talking about "age" would make us think something other than your story's actual meaning. Well done.
I did think that something was missing here. It appears to be an incomplete thought.
One day, Age came knocking on the castle door and thusly, her bottom tooth.
Putting Scripture to sonnet is a wonderful idea. I love your title. And as I read your poem aloud, it was a stark reminder of the way our Lord was treated.
Your bio says that you homeschooled for 20byears and have 7 children. Bless you. I homeschooled my only son and although it was not always easy, it was what had to be.
As I read your work of heart aloud, I did think that if you did the same you would discover where it needs tweaking. I also believe that "food an everyone" should be "food and everyone".
I also thought about William Stafford's quote that I have tucked away in my notebook.
"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford
You write well, and it was interesting to read your opinions about freedom, liberty and independence.
But I found myself taking umbrage at this:
Most of us are ready to push aside the peace and wage war for peace. Ready to kill at a moment's notice just because a person looks different or has a different religion or worse yet does not conform to another's idea.
I personally don't know anyone who is ready to kill because someone looks different. When you wrote this, I also would have argued that in the civilized world, people don't want to kill because another's ideas are different. Obviously, today there are people who want that. But I still maintain that they are very few.
You described very well the problems of and objections to attending extended family holiday meals. So often, one of those relatives insists on bringing a dish that no one really likes, but no one has the guts (or unkindness?) to say something.
I enjoyed reading your piece. Sadly, it reminded me of how much I miss those holidays with my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles who have all passed away.
I love this. I always tell people that poetry is like abstract art. Yes, the creator had a specific idea. But you, the reader, ultimately decide what it means or to you, how and whether it speaks to you.
I once had a pastor who said that he absolutely hated all poetry. But he was a musician who enjoyed lyrics. And as a pastor, he enjoyed reading Psalms in the Bible. I reminded him that they were both forms of poetry.
What a bizarre most ma way to get out of something you hate to do.
Most malls have approved entertainment and schedules for that entertainment. It's a wonder that eventually they didn't have the police take him to the hospital for an evaluation.
I wonder how his family would feel knowing the truth.
You appear to be good at writing flash fiction. This contest entry is no exception. I enjoyed reading it.
I can imagine being the children able to pull off such an event. And I can imagine the embarrassment of the mom for not having a pristine home for the surprise.
If this truly is a personal experience, as one who experienced similar issues many long years ago, I would offer some advice. If you are always thinking about someone, let him know.
I'll never forget the first time that I attended our high school reunion. I learned about 2 fellows who would have loved to ask me on a date. How sad to discover that over 20 years later.
It's always interesting when someone can communicate what they want in life. You did that well in your poem.
Grandma said that it was important to learn something new every day. I'm not embarrassed to say that I had to look up one word that you used. But you also used two words that are horribly overused - physicality and positivity.
Thanks for sharing. I hope that the dreams that you have for life are achievable for you.
Wow. That was difficult to read as someone who has COPD and uses an inhaler, and as a woman who had a massive heart attack and the only symptom was not being able to breathe.
I can visualize teenagers bullying a kid that way too. It could happen.
As I was reading, I came across something that I was going to point out to you, but I couldn't find it later. It must not have been important.
I'm glad that you included the best, the only, real definition of love from the love chapter in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13. When I run across people who are struggling in their relationships, I point them there. If the person you think loves you treats you badly, it isn't love.
But the writer of this letter isn't there yet. She is, however, doing exactly the right thing by expecting her relationship to match what the Bible instructs. No one should settle for less.
As always, you have provided some interesting word choices, making the reader ponder. As you penned these words, you had no way of knowing that soon the idea of wearing a mask would not mean just hiding one's self, but also physically protecting against disease.
Your last verse really resonated:
Maggot moments, the slimy times
when truth is twisted
to fit personal adjendas;
fool no one for long
except, perhaps, others living
in twisted mindsets:
who hear and see
only what they want to -
ignoring the reality,
covering up
the cannot be
What a great story about the perfect 80s outfit. I laughed as I read that her excitement "zinged when she rested her hand on the houndstooth rayon shorts".
I also realized that I didn't know what was "in" in the 80s. I was a regional sales director for a Christmas company. I was too busy wearing red or green suits and shoes.
Ii love reading about various forms of poetry. This one, lannet, is fascinating. 14 lines, 19 syllables per line and no end line rhyming. I don't think that it is one that I will attempt, but I admire you for doing so.
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