I had a long review all ready, then my computer froze up. Basically, I pointed out a few places where you ended sentences in prepositions, that I would change.
Also, there are places where you've jumped from past to present tense and back again.
Imagine, indeed. Although I have read this verse before, it never spoke to me like this. But if one can imagine a person we love gently lifting our chin so that our eyes meet his/hers, the image of God doing so is even more wonderous.
Thanks for sharing. This is short, but it speaks volumes.
You're right. This is not a comfy piece. I would probably change your description to: A point of view some of us might find uncomfortable. (Instead of ending with a preposition.)
You did set the parts about master and slave apart. Perhaps you should set the conclusion apart as well.
Excellent paper. It's sad, really, that technology has not been used more in classrooms.. It's encouraging to know that your school gives each teacher a wireless laptop, projector, camera, and at least one desktop computer. But as you also mentioned, I'm sure some teachers need training to use these tools most effectively.
I wonder about the study's comments about students needing socialization in the classroom. For years, foreign language students learned individually in language labs. I paricipated in such learning (and I graduated in 1970). Each student placed headphones on and listened to phrases being repeated over and over. They practiced repeating those phrases (into microphones), and teachers were able to listen in on their own headphones. I think the beauty of that method of learning was that each student was able to progress at his/her own pace. (In college, a piano/keyboard class I took used the same method.)
It appears in today's world that we want (and think we can achieve) having students learn and progress on the same levels. That just isn't possible, since each student is an individual who will learn at a different pace than the ones surrounding him/her. Technology could be an excellent tool in keeping the attention of those who are more advanced. It could also offer tutoring for students who are behind, without the rest of the classroom even realizing it.
It isn't only public schools that don't use technology. Once I was involved in marketing a kids' computer instruction company. I visited one school where every student in every classroom alrady had a computer available for instruction. At least half of the teachers, though, were not even able to turn on a computer, let alone participate in edcucating via computers. (This was in ten years ago, in 1996. Hopefully things have changed.)
It's no wonder that more and more parents are opting for private schools or home schooling. We have major disclipline problems in public schools, and teachers who cannot be fired even if they are inferior because of unions. With the added problem of teachers either not having the latest technology to use in classrooms, or not knowing how to use such tools, it's not surprising that our once superior education system has fallen in the ranks when compared to other countries throughout the world.
Your paper is quite good, and you've shared references properly. My only suggestion for this site would be to put spaces between paragraphs making it easier to read.
I love this. Life stories are a great way to get to know a writer.
You have a few anecdotes here that might actually do well to stand alone. Your ending story is one that probably would.
Some suggestions:
Frankenstein grabs my red plaid lunch box and wham clocks me in the noggin.
Since you've been using past tense throughout, this sentence should probably be changed: Frankenstein grabbed my red plaid lunch box and clocked me in the noggin.
Luckily there was a girl my age that lived right next door to me.
It's good to acknowledge the kindness of others. Too often, the only thing we hear about is how bad everyone has turned out and that people just don't help their neighbors anymore.
Some suggestions:
1) His first day back to work after the holidays Gary was laid off from a company that he had worked six years for.
I would probably change this sentence so it doesn't end in a preposition.
2) There are a few places where you have long sentences with commas. They should either have semi-colons or be separated into two sentences. Here's one example:
Tyler constantly complains that he hasn’t been getting daddy’s spare change for his bank, I constantly complain that he grabs it with out asking, I use that change for everything, literally counting pennies.
Tyler constantly complains that he hasn’t been getting daddy’s spare change for his bank; I complain that he takes it without asking. I use that change for everything, literally counting pennies.
Bless your heart. How does one even begin to understand or to comment on something like this? The loss of a child has to be the worst thing any parent can experience.
I appreciate you writing about it. It may have helped you. It most certainly will help others.
I loved this one. I saw it pop up a few days ago and was curious enough to want to stop and complete this. But...alas, my computer locked up and I forgot all about it. Glad I found it.
Yikes. It's hard to believe that this took place in the 1980's.
You told the story well. I did notice one place where you left out a punctuation mark (period) at the end of a quotation.
This remark by the teacher really stood out as a great lesson:
"The thing you have to understand Mr. B, is that you will always be white, and sometimes you won't always know it. And I'll always be black, but I'll always know it. Think about it B. I'll see you tomorrow."
I did enjoy this poem. As I read it aloud, there were a few places where the lines were just a touch off. Another reviewer suggested taking a few words out, and those suggestions would help.
I think writing about memories works (just like writing about love) because most of us can relate to the experience. Or wish we could.
That's quite a story. There's a publication about angel siteings that would probably love this one.
Some suggestionss:
“I may be big and dump but, big, dumb and stupid, I am not. After the way Joanne cleaned my clock, I will never ever have the heart to trust another woman again.” This confused me a bit. Big and dump?
Driving up the winding country road, she knew her speed was to fast but, it felt good. Should be "too fast."
When the wind suddenly stopped, the leaves fell away and their stood a man. Should be "there."
I just loved this. I don't remember the Victor Borge routine, but I surely did love trying to figure out the inflated words in this one. I think it was good exerecise for the brain. (It was nice, though, that you provided a translation too.)
Good poem. I don't know if you placed in this contest...long ago now. But you did follow the prompts and wrote a good poem. I particularly liked the ending. Excellent word choice. (Sad...the social issues, but excellent word choice.)
What a wonderful story. It warmed my heart. (In spite of those storms. )
Children really do listen and take seriously what we say. I know that I thought God was bowling when there were storms. That's what one of my uncles told me.
And when my son was about five, I saw him watching me intently as I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. When I asked why he stared, he responded, "Mom, did you lie to me or have you lost the eyes in the back of your head?"
Another reviewr said this sounded like William Shatner gasping his lines. Yikes. I had to read. I didn't read it that way at all. I read all poems aloud to see how they flow, and didn't have much problem with this one.
Interesting that you gave the lawsuit almost human qualities. But understandable.
I would put a period at the end, since everything else has punctuation. And...this has ended, right?
Wow. I read this and felt that I just had to read until the end without interruption. That's not always the case, especially since my fibro causes me to have to shift around or get up and walk. And my fibro fog often makes me wonder what I just read. This kept my interest all the way through.
Perhaps part of that was because I've lived in FL and experienced those storms. Perhaps it was because I've had both Adventist friends and have known preacher's kids (other denominations, though).
The only things I would change are where you've said "kids that didn't", "Mrs. White was also the one that", and "pastor that". I would have used "who" instead of "that" in each case.
I'm glad you're sharing this experience. These kinds of personal stories need to be told. If 25% of US women are abused in some way, they need to be aware of how to get help and how to survive. And we all need reminded that many are only one pay check away from being homeless in this country.
This is a good beginning. I do hope you continue to share.
This is a fantastic guide. I can't wait to really explore. But first I had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this page. Titles are some of my favorite things to create. I have piles of titles before I ever write a poem or story to go with them. And your titles are great. I'm impressed. I'll explore later.
This is great. You've done quite well in your time here. It does pay to get involved, doesn't it? I loved all the comments you made here about others. (And I did notice that you mentioned Elisa a few times. Hmmm. Partial are we? )
In recognizing the talents of others, we reveal some of our own.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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