Interesting reactions to a cheating partner. I have a sister who was married for 26 years who just discovered her hubby has been cheating for years. I wonder what she's feeling...
Anyway, I would change your description. Right now, it reads: The stages one goes through when they find out their partner has been cheating on them.
Since you're talking about one person, it should say:
The stages one goes through when she finds out her partner has been cheating on her.
Wow. That's an ending I didn't anticipate. I liked the story, though. I knew I had to read it wne the description mentioned the 60's. (I graduated high school in 1970.)
Some suggestions:
After about 5 minutes of constant writing, my thoughts we spilled out onto the paper.
For about five minutes, the words spilled onto the paper. Or...keep your sentence and change "we" to "were"?
Then, as if on cue, we both turned to look at eachother. each other
"Kelly, i want you to be my girl Needs a capital "I".
This is excellent. With just a few lines, you've said so much. The rhythm and rhymes are good. It has a real bounce to it as it's read aloud. And the message is timeless. Seriously, this is a message so many need to hear. We need to slow down and enjoy life.
What's sad is that it's proven that most folks who do abuse children are relatives or family friends.
We like to think that we've come a long way here in the U.S. about discrimination. Yet we still discrimate - on the basis of color, race, gender, body weight, age, and sexual preferences.
I'm sorry you experience this. Thanks for sharing. Perhaps someone will read this and have his/her eyes opened.
Funny story. And what a reaction Sonny had about meeting his former classmate. Perfect life? Hmmm.
My only negative thought is that there are a few sentences with so many commas. Yikes. They're punctuated properly, but still, as they usually represent places where one would take a breath (if reading aloud), I found myself almost hyperventilating.
Welcome to Writing.com, dark writer. We're glad you're here!
The rating I've chosen is because this piece needs some work. Your description and the editorial itself contain spelling errors that should be picked up with spell checker. It's also customary to capitalize days of the week.
As a Christian, and one who has lived in the Bible belt, I understand your frustration. Indeed, it seems that those who need to shout from the rooftops about their faith are the ones often not living it. I'm sorry that persons who claim to be Christian are behaving so badly in your school. That certainly goes against the teachings of Jesus.
Thanks for sharing this personal struggle. One never knows who will read and be blessed by something like this.
Some suggestions:
Growing up in Colorado, my father continuously taught me the virtues of living by certain principles.
Did your father grow up in Colorado? That's the way this sentence sounds. If you were the one growing up there, perhaps something like: Growing up in Colorado, I learned...
Seeing the soft earth, free of rocks and boulders, I released the break
More good advice. I had a wonderful next door neighbor who taught me that women should pray as they fold their laundry, as they stir the soup bubbling on the stove, even when cleaning toilets. I never forgot those lessons. And she was right. While cleaning the bathroom, one is usually not disturbed.
Suggestion:
Despite the fact that I call them rules. You can have a full prayer life without following them.
Should be:
Despite the fact that I call them rules, you can have a full prayer life without following them.
Or perhaps:
Despite the fact that I call them rules, they are not the only way to have a full prayer life.
Some excellent advice here, Rev. Crutchfield. My Grandma used to tell me that we must tithe not only our money, but our talents as well. That we must be ready to tell anyone who asks why we're so joyful, even in times of crisis.
Some suggestions:
You do need to refine this. I found some punctuation errors at the beginning.
Also, I think perhaps when you typed:
These three are certainly the only ministries which the average Christian can undertake.
You meant:
These three are certainly notthe only ministries which the average Christian can undertake.
And...rather than speaking of an average Christian, I might use the term "every Christian." What is an average Christian anyway.
Wow. This is truly a moving story. It has all of the emotions one would feel in this situation. By the end, I was just as anxious for the results as your story character.
There were a few places where I was confused by the punctuation. Still, the story is touching.
I love this, PlannerDan! Love the repitition of how considerate you were in letting her sleep. Thirty-six years is a long time. Surely by then one would be used to a few changes, right?
Good one. Peer pressure is hard. It seems that today it really takes someone strong to go against what's popular. Or what's expected. We are all individuals, though, so we should have the chance to be just that.
Love the last lines. Very wise. Not everyone should be allowed to write on your life slate.
Love your sentence amusement partk. Reading it makes (re)learning about sentence structure much more fun. Using amusement partk rides should help us remember.
I still don't like sentences that end in prepositions. Granted, perhaps once in a while (like using conjuctions at the beginning might be okay. Some writers, it seems, only know how to end sentences with prepositions, though. That gets annoying.
Well done. Your instructions are simple enough for newest surfer and not insulting to those with some experience. I wish my mom had these when she went online - in her late 60's. She bought a book about how to use the Internet, but it had way too much information. She needed something this simple.
What a great collection of stories about life with Memaw. I think you're right, that she was quite a hero.
I probably wouldn't change much in this. Memories like these are often best as they are first written. There are a few places where the formatting isn't perfect, but that's not such a big deal.
Thanks for sharing. Life was simpler then, whether rich or poor, I think.
Blessings,
Kenzie
P.S. I think there was plenty of recreation!
"We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford
Wow. I love chocolate, that's for sure. But I'm not sure I ever enjoyed it as much as this! In fact, if I had ever eaten that much candy in one sitting, I'd be feeling guilty.
Your descriptions made me think I was actually eating the candy, and I wondered why I couldn't really taste it.
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Seriously, this is a message so many need to hear. We need to slow down and enjoy life.