Wow, that is some bad day you described. You did have a few good ideas about how to diffuse anger. I might list a few more if I were you. I would also consider breaking that one long paragraph at the beginning into two or three.
While your writing is good, a quick search of the Internet did not give me any listings for where these "truths" might be found. References would be a good addition to this article. Otherwise, it just appears that these "truths" are something you made up.
You have to be one of God's favored ones. A few days ago, I probably wouldn't have read this, considering the audience for which it was intended. But after having read your entries in your blog, I was curious about your other writings. I'm glad I stopped by here.
This study would be good for anyone struggling with faith and identity issues.
Thanks for the excellent reminder about the hat we should always wear.
You have a good idea here. If we all looked at our part of the world with new eyes each day, life would never be boring. That's for sure.
It took me a while to get into this, though, even as short as it is. The first sentence wasn't quite as clear as I might have liked. That's where I got bogged down.
Good story. While much of this is pure fantasy, some of the tongue-in-cheek comments are things that could some day come to pass. I can just see the government stepping forth to announce "a gift under every tree" and changing Christmas to "annual gift holiday."
Thanks for making us think with this one. Loved the ending.
As I read this, I wondered where you lived in Florida that the sun would be coming up at 10 a.m. I lived on the Gulf Coast and in Centra Florida, and used to get up a 5 a.m. so I'd be up before the sun.
Not everyone can write in present tense and remember to continue it throughout. You did great with that.
There are some places where you need to clean up punctuation (dialogue), and a few sentences that seem like a bunch of thoughts strung together with commas.
I guess I also felt let down at the end. Your description says that it's about a morning in FL, but the ending didn't give the impression that you'd finished. Perhaps afternoon had come and that was another story?
This could be a great reflection of a Florida morning, with just a few changes.
I do love the thoughts expressed here. Hope is always something wonderful to have and about which to write.
I do have these observations, though:
1)A few of your rhymes seem just a bit forced. (like hope and grope)
2)As one who studies "old" poetry, I expect to see rhyming poetry with a more even rhythm. However, as I was reading this aloud, I considered that it sounded more like a rap than a poem. And I have noticed that rappers often rhyme a long line and a short line, without trying to have a specific rhythm/flow. If that was your intent, it came through.
This poll certainly made me chuckle. Perhaps I was a bit surprised that mullets make people laugh more than beehives. You've received an adequate number of responses, but I just added one.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Kenzie
Help Me Find Stories (E) Need stories on prayer, small groups, tithing, quiet time and the value of community. #1178515 by Kenzie
Wow. I wonder how I missed this for so long. It might have been helpful to me in some discussions I've had recently with folks asking pointed questions about these very things. Here you've already gathered all the facts.
Thanks for sharing. Going though this is going to take some time.
Interesting thoughts. It's wise to remember that what we do and say to friends (and foes) in high school can affect them or even haunt them. We do write on the life slates of people we meet every day.
I would clean up the last part of this interview:
Me: (shakes head) Nope, she’s still the crazy girl I knew in high school but now she’s a famous artists that most know as “KAT”. (short pause) You know, I remember someone once told me that you don’t find your true friends until later in life, when your more mature and know what your looking for. Well when it comes to Katrina I couldn’t have choose anyone better.
This should read:
famous artist
you're more mature...you're looking for. (Although I probably wouldn't end a sentence in a preposition, even in conversation.)
As I read this - both silently and aloud (much better for discovering what might be wrong or right with a poem) - I had to laugh. You've described just what happened to most of us when we first arrived at WDC. (And what still happens to many, even after years. )
I would probably change this line:
Don't seem to get time to do those things no more...
...so it is grammatically correct.
Don't seem to get time to do those things any more. This isn't totally necessary in poems, but since the rest is written correctly, this really stands out.
But to flat out say that ALL POEMS should contain punctuation, or to refuse to read a poem based solely on whether or not it is punctuated is about as ludicrous as saying that all stories should be told in the third person, past tense.
If writing - especially poetry - is an art, then we do have to let the artist have some say in how he/she writes.
Eve Merriam once said, "There are a few rules I have for poetry. NO RULES!"
Some rather good points here, Idam Aham. Welcome to Writing.com by the way.
Your points apply to much of the world today, not just to India. So many are being "educated", but so many lack good common sense or wisdom or just plain good manners.
You do have some rather long sentences (especially where you've emphasized points by using parenthesis).
I might consider changing that.
I think you're right. Writing certainly is a journey of self discovery.
Just a few suggestions:
With inspiration, i had the ability Needs a capital "I".
My essays essentially depict was mood and state of mind. I'm not sure what you meant by this sentence. Perhaps it should have been: My essays essentially depcited mood and state of mind. Or..What my essays essentially depicted was... Or...What my essays essential depict is...
This is a wonderful contest idea. You'll get both the good and bad stories, and those who experienced foster care will be able to have their voices heard. Your prizes are great, especially saying that "All qualifying entries will be awarded a mystery amount of GPs.!!!
I don't qualify to enter this one, but I'll be back to read.
While I certainly agree with you that Americans tend to think the world should accommodate them when they are traveling, from the sounds of this your friend was not that bad.
Since the dinner was not really a European fare, and since it was most likely something she had experienced in the States, it's possible that she knew in advance that she didn't like (or her stomach couldn't tolerate) the extra fixin's on the fajitas.
She did at least taste the flan. As one who has had friends from Costa Rico, Venezuela and Mexico and have visited Puerto Rico three times, I've had the experience of having flan served. I've tried it each time, and was always amazed at how bland it tasted. Perhaps she could have been a bit more thoughtful to the hosts by saying, "I've never had flan before. It's interesting, but I really am rather full." And then shoved it away.
And the white wine? No one should ever be expected to drink an alcoholic beverage that he/she doesn't like. Of course, a "no thank you" might have been kinder.
I think in your quest to be the "perfect" American non-tourist, you were a little hard on your friend.
You've written well, though. The only changes I might consider would be to make sure the whole thing is in past tense, since most of it is.
For instance:
destroys it with one meal (destroyed)
Of course, as soon as they realize you’re an American
(This whole paragraph should probably be reworked to make it past tense.)
Amazing. You've taken a pretty personal event and written about it without using words that might offend. Good job. (Still, with the subject matter, I would probably rate this at least ASR.) *smie*
Here you don't need an apostrophe. It should be plural instead.
I had to read this, after seeing it mentioned in public reviews. I had no problem understanding the part about looking up and looking down part, nor the cat with white paws.
Thanks, Daizy May for sharing such an honest story about your past. If you felt compelled to write it, there is probably someone who needs to see your story. Perhaps it's a young woman struggling with putting a baby up for adoption. Or a young person who wonders about his/her own birth mother.
You've told the story well.
Blessings,
Kenzie
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Perhaps I was a bit surprised that mullets make people laugh more than beehives. You've received an adequate number of responses, but I just added one.
