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Review of The Lost Soul  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello bullheadedangel !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
You have this listed as a novel, but it seems like a prologue. I like the overview of how life has changed.

Typos:
faces and intense stare = intense stares
threw hell = through hell
my the secrets = my secrets?

Flow/Content:
This has a lyrical reminiscence, and seems like a perfect way to set the tone for your novel.

Favorite line/s:
The souls that once lived on the island will never forget the good tastes and the smell of fresh clean salty air....

Overall:
Good job with the set up, although even as a prologue this could be expanded. Still, I like the tone. It is moral without being preachy. Keep writing! I'd love to read more of your story!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello sdgirlne !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, feel free to ask! I am always happy to re-read and re-rate if you make substantial changes. Remember these are one reader's opinions.

First Impressions:
This is a cute story of two siblings learning to appreciate each other and work together to get out of a tight spot.

Mechanics:
the head (bathroom).
Perhaps use the term "bathroom" in this first instance. Then you can use the term "head", and those unfamiliar with the word will learn it by the context.
was woken up
I was taught that the correct phrase is "was awakened". However, I researched it, and "woken up" is in the dictionary. I have awakened to the fact that I am a fossil.
fell in sheet, fell in sheets
he tuned He tuned

Flow/Content:
The flow is logical, and you set up the bickering nicely. The dialogue is perfect for a brother and sister. You tell the story well, but I'd like to see what the children and the boat look like. Make us feel the waves crashing, and show more of the kids' fear through their actions.

For example, when Kelly says she doesn't know, she could say it in a quiet voice. She could chew on her lip, or look down to show that she is afraid and uncertain. When she follows him topside, you could show her running, or taking the steps two at time to convey that she is in a hurry. Active verbs and descriptions of facial expressions are ways to "show" versus "tell".

Favorite line/s:
He did not like how his younger sister always asked stupid questions. What he liked was the sound of the wind in the sails and the freedom of the sea.

Overall:
You have all the elements of great story! The children learned several valuable lessons. I especially like the way the kids decided to pray before they made the distress call. If you add a bit more description and drama, your readers will be on the boat with the kids, heaving their dinner in the head. Nice job, and keep writing!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello billwilcox!

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you.

First Impressions:
My adrenaline was surging from the beginning, all the way to the end. Good thing I don't have high blood pressure...

Flow/Content:
I enjoyed reading the story, and have nothing to nitpick. The awardicon is well-deserved. This piece should be in print somewhere.

Favorite line/s:
Thresher’s mouth literally dropped open, and then his face reddened like a fresh sunburn.

Overall:
I'm fresh outta superlatives, so a plethora of adjectives must suffice: entertaining, creepy, suspenseful, and deep. Heinlein drinks Poe, or something. My compliments to the penmaster. Write on!

In gratitude,

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Review of Lonely nights  
Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Audubon !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, feel free to ask! Please accept those suggestions that resonate, and ignore the rest.

First Impressions:
The ending was unexpected, which made this original. At first I thought Geoff really had not died...I'm unsure. If that was "the lie" you could make that more evident, and it would be a powerful ending.

Nits:
You have a few sentence fragments and missing punctuation that can be fixed easily. I don't know if they were intentional to add informality, so I will point them out.

opening = opened
The traps, disappointments = This sentence needs a verb.
than me = than I ("Would" is the unwritten verb.)
been fun. Giggling = fun--giggling and....
did” = did."
had to. = had to."

That sacred love that a child brings to parents.
This is a fragment, and I don't understand how it fits into the theme of the last paragraph. I think I'm missing something here and I can't figure it out.

Favorite line/s:
I won’t ever, ever make anyone cry like you had to.

Overall:
The way Timmy comforts his mother is so touching. The way she questions her own abilities is all too real. Maybe a tweak here and there would strengthen your theme. Then you might want to submit it to one of the Chicken Soup books. Write on!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of High Stakes  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Matt Wilson !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, feel free to ask! Please accept those suggestions which might make your piece stronger, and ignore the rest.

First Impressions:
Well done! I don't know how to play cards, but I got the idea.

Mechanics:
I did not notice any mechanical errors. To be honest, I wasn't looking. This was an entertaining read.

Flow/Content:
This flowed together in some spots due to the lack of a standard five space indent for new paragraphs. A blank line between each is preferred for the computer screen.

If the names were supposed to mislead, they did not. I guessed it in the first few sentences, although the ending was a nice "gotcha".

This was a cute story. However, since it seemed obvious, perhaps consider condensing it if you are going for suspense. Jeazy really does get repetitive. I half expected him to come up with "what do you want from me-blood?" You can use that if you like.

Or, you could go the other way, and pack this with quips and references. Sort of an over-the-top example. That would amp up the humor.

I would also like to see more of the characters, and I think you could have fun with that too. Azreal could be pale, and Jeazy could have scars on his hands, that kind of thing. Besides the dialogue, which is natural, there wasn't much to describe them. I'm not sure if that was your intent, but thought I'd mention it.

Favorite line/s:
“I’d rather have less car accidents and more answered questions.”

Overall:
An excellent attempt at the supernatural, but I didn't get a feeling of horror. I think you could inject either more death, or more life into it, and get more emotional impact that way. The best part of this piece is that you think creatively about a subject many people won't touch. It is a hard line to walk, and you did it like a sober person. I submit you might want to tempt fate and loosen the stride. Not that I'd ever lead you astray... *Wink* Keep writing!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Chriswriter !

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. Keep in mind these are one person's suggestions. Please keep those which will make your work stronger, and ignore the rest.

First Impressions:
I admire your honesty. If you review work for a living, then I can certainly understand your desire to choose those pieces which have potential for publication.

Flow/Content:
A concise list of your review criteria. The only suggestion I have is to explain the areas on which you like to focus. Are you more likely to point out plot, for example, dissect punctutation, or anything and everything you see?

Favorite line/s:
I hate giving low ratings more than you can ever imagine, it's like a stake in MY heart; but I try to look at it as a surgeon does: it will feel better when it heals, and thus the pain is a good thing in the long run.

Overall:
I understand where you are coming from, and I'm glad you have explained your rating system. It almost makes me hope you don't ever review me, but I'd like to think I can handle it. I'm positive it couldn't hurt the piece itself, just my feelings. Write and review on!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello jbeeuu89!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
Cute story, and totally believable!

Mechanics:
Fine mechanics. No nits from me.

Flow/Content:
Nice flow, and a bit of comedy. Your description of the bag of demon suckers and its hold on humanity was right on.

Favorite line/s:
It involved courage, flashlights, and jump ropes to hold onto so that we wouldn’t lose one another.

Overall:
This is more reminiscence than story. I only say that because it seems unfinished, although you tied the end back to the beginning nicely. I suppose I was hoping for a deeper moral, or little more kick to the end. Maybe ramp up the excitement of the expedition from the children's point of view? Overall this is solid and well written, and you have some great chuckle lines. Appreciate the humor here.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello {suser:morgana }!

Thank you for reviewing my work! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. Keep in mind these are one person's suggestions. Please accept those which will make your work stronger, and ignore the rest.

First Impressions:
Funny!

Flow/Content:
Cute, fast paced dialogue among the four hoofs. Sometimes putting the name at the beginning of the dialogue might help us remember which deer is which. Or they could move, too. Vixen could bat her eyelashes or something.

Favorite line/s:
“Yes, you did, Dancer. All of the toys nearly went kerflooey. You know how mad Santa would have been then? You would have been reindeer steak.”

Overall:
Witty little snippet of life at the North Pole. The politics of reindeer and adolescent boys seem similar. Write on!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello again, Eric Hoognerson !

I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you. I hope my honest review will be helpful. Remember these are only my opinions, so discard any suggestions which would not strengthen your work.

First Impressions:
You know how to set 'em up, that is for sure. I especially liked the items found in the condemned's pants. Interesting.

I see the tan man entering, and while he will become important, so far I could take him or leave him.

I like that you revisit all the questions at the end of the chapter as a wrap up.

Nits and Crits:
The first paragraph is powerful--but it's all one sentence. It might carry even more impact if the first sentence is declarative. I suggest making the two clauses before the semicolon a separate sentence to let the idea sink in for a sec.

Also, when the blacksmith speaks to himself, italics would clue the reader that it is internal.

I love his accent, as well as his ability to discern the accents of others. Toward the end, however, the dialect became difficult to read. Maybe switch back to standard spelling once his drawl is established? If you make the reader work too hard you may lose her interest. That would be me, Ms. Lazy.

then when = than when
coins: They = coins: they

heavily muscled, heavy boned
This seems redundant, and "muscled" might stand well alone.

with his left arm under the legs
This is the standard way to carry someone. The important portion of this sentence is "the corpse’s arms still tied behind it...."

He couldn’t figure...
Because this phrase is one of the hallmarks of his speech, perhaps use "understand" as narrator. It would contrast (not sure if you want that or not), and lower the repetition.

Flow/Content:
I love that the blacksmith was playing coroner, but to be honest, the paragraph about the wagon lost my interest. I think it is too technical, too wordy. I'm sorry, I have no concrete suggestions except to perhaps condense it.

The blacksmith's adventure unrolls logically. He has a definite personality! I like that he is a keen observer--maybe too keen. I would suggest removing those elements that are self-evident and/or do not move the story forward. For example:

He reached into the box and started putting black pieces on the board, queen on her own color, bishops closer to the king than the knights.

I think that unless black and white, or queens and knights become major symbolic elements of the story, this sentence can end at "board". I don't play chess, but I am guessing you set the board up the same way each time?

Okay, I got carried away there. Please don't think I'm picking this apart. I may be missing some famous gunslinger reference or rhetorical device and/or be speaking from my nether regions. All of these are, in truth, likely.

Some of your phrases are pure poetry, and I want to see that style accentuated.

Favorite line/s:
Calico covered most of her and a grin covered the rest.

Overall:
I have no idea how the two chapters fit together, but I am intrigued. The descriptions of the characters, as well as their interactions with each other, are superb. It is easy to see through the blacksmith's eyes, and hear his thoughts.

Believe me, if I knew a publisher, I'd happily give you his/her name so that my curiosity would be sated. Keep writing, and good luck!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Song of an Age  
Review by KimChi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Kåre Enga — taking a break. !

Last one for the night. I hope I'm being useful.

First Impressions:
Confucious meets Rumi.

Flow/Content:
This one does not have as much imagery as most of your poems, but I enjoyed it. Uncomplicated and refreshing; like sweet iced tea on a hot day.

The only suggestion I have is to perhaps change one of the "gains" to another verb. Because the poem is so short, the duplication is evident. Unless that was your intent.

Favorite line/s:
He who writes on paper
loses all when comes the flood.


Overall:
Your last line is golden. You always know how to end your poems to leave the reader satisfied, yet wanting more. Thanks for separating these from your blog so we can comment on each individually.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Alps  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Kåre Enga — taking a break. !

Another promised/threatened poetry review.

First Impressions:
Sexy and scientific. You sure can work a metaphor like nobody's "business".

Crits and Nits:
substrate still subducting
This line seems a bit too technical. I don't get an image as with the remainder, where you have interspersed terms with description. I suggest "surrendering" which has sexual overtones. Undertones? Connotations. Whatever.

Flow/Content:
Lovely. I like the way you start out with action, and then move to describing what arises (ha!) from that interaction. In other words, from hard to soft. All your poems are so very clever.

Favorite line/s:
zones of bend and thrust
where we've created havens for the clouds,
and crystal waters for the snow-fed lakes,


Overall:
Your opening line pulled me right in. Keep writing. I love digging through the layers to get to the meaning of your poems.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Wheat penny  
Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kåre Enga — taking a break. !

I promised to review your work, and so I shall. Know that I am not well versed in poetry, so my reviews are from my emotions rather than your technique. I wouldn't know a tanka if it hit me in the head.

First Impressions:
Clever. I immediately noticed the wave, both on the page and reading this aloud.

Flow/Content:
I'm a sucker for internal rhyme and/or assonance, and if you also tie together two or more disparate thoughts, I melt into a quivering puddle.

Favorite line/s:

golden
bend
to the winds
of inflation;


Overall:
Some of your poetry is just way over my head. When I "get" it, it is beautiful. My two cents? This one is gorgeous.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Hospital Bed  
Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello bibliophilefactor !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
Tears.

Mechanics:
Laying = Lying
quietly, “He = quietly, "he....

Flow/Content:
This is a lovely expression of both faith and affection. Your words are eloquent, and the story carries emotional impact. However, the tense switches several times in this short piece, which interrupts the flow.

Favorite line/s:
Cows with stick-like legs grazed in an endless field against jagged, distant mountains.

Overall:
You've shown that a single moment can contain the wisdom and love of the entire universe--a slice of heaven. Please do write on!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Sam !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, feel free to ask! Remember this is only my opinion, so please take that which will make your piece stronger, and ignore the rest.

First Impressions:
Did someone say that playing an instrument was easy? You are correct--it takes a lot of discipline.

Mechanics:
In your title, the word should be spelled "musician". Also, your piece is unrated. I believe E (for everyone) would be fine. Also consider adding genres, as the default setting is "other". "Arts", or perhaps "How-to" might work. If you add key words to the description, such as "flute", then someone searching for the word "flute" might find your essay.

It isn't infact
I think this might carry more impact if you separate these thoughts. Consider:
It isn't. In fact,....

before in band = before band

Flow/Content:
I had a difficult time following your train of thought here. Could you expand on your essay a bit? It may be that your word processing program cut this off, because it ends "...that goes for..." and the sentence is incomplete.

Overall:
You have a good start with "ambresures and fingerings"; although you might want to explain what "ambresures" are for those of us who do not play an instrument. Discussing all the skills needed to master the flute would fill this piece out.

I would be happy to re-read and re-rate this once you edit it, and find the part that got eaten! *Bigsmile*



In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Mumsy Spins !

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask! These are only my opinions, so keep the artifacts, and discard the trash!

First Impressions:
I love archaeology AND food, so your work is fascinating to me. Your introduction is especially good! Or maybe baaaad.

I have to question the brother story line, though. Unless you give the reason for his interest, or list the artifacts found, it doesn't seem logical. I've dug a hole or two, so with your indulgence...

First of all, few houses have enough artifacts in the backyard to keep one busy for a year. Even historic sites have been disturbed, for everytime you put in a sewer line or a driveway, you destroy, or at least alter, the evidence of former occupations.

Secondly, unless George Washington slept there, or there is an entire Native American village, (in PA either is possible), it would not keep a widely-traveled archaeologist's interest. Researching the sites found nearby gives a good clue as to what one will uncover before lifting a shovel. After that, he could survey the entire two acres in a day or two and determine whether an excavation was needed. If he is working for a year, then there is something really cool back there. Unless, of course, he is just crazy, or lazy.

Third, and this is not as important, a grave normally leaves a sunken area as the dirt settles. However, if he wasn't looking for historic graves in the backyard, it could easily be a random undulation.

I am not trying to be harsh, I just want to help you make this as realistic as possible. The tents and goat...and being eccentric...and having little common sense? Totally sounds like an archaeologist! *Laugh*

Mechanics:
Excellent!

Flow/Content:
A pretty smooth read, although there are a few choppy areas, where you might want to vary your sentences. Excellent descriptions--the bakery scene literally made my mouth water. I especially like the way the character gives back to the community with a class for kids.

You inserted the back story very well; it seemed natural. I can see the individuality of each character, and the settings are clear also.

Favorite line/s:
A shame that my college-educated, world-traveled brother wouldn’t know that you actually need to have a baby in order to make milk!

Overall:
Although not unexpected, the ending was well done, and left me eager to turn the page! I hope you will post another chapter, and write on! I'm already invested in your unique characters, and I would love to read more of the story.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Arabella Strange !

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. Remember these are my opinions, so take those you like, and let Time crumble the rest. *Wink*

First Impressions:
Another great installment of those witty immortals searching for Her. You got me in the bathroom scene...I thought perhaps She had arrived.

Crits and Nits:
...saying he would get it some boots ....
Since the rest is in normal dialogue, I would make this dialogue, too.

as he past = as he passed

coming over him that did when
This line sounds awkward. Perhaps make this a separate sentence?

dark wooden things
"Things" is not specific. Perhaps planks, or even planes.

pigs are cleanly
This may be correct, but it is archaic, and I did a double-take.

at him and smirked at him
The second "at him" is unnecessary.

Flow/Content:
This story flows nicely. Your characters are well drawn, and you know when to add description, and when to let the dialogue take over.

Check your formatting, as some paragraphs are indented, and some are not.

Favorite line/s:
“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” said the woman, “I know your kind. I had four boys of my own, and I know feigned exasperation when I see it.”

Overall:
I am loving your characters; especially the conflict between the two main characters. The cat, and the Michael Jackson references are nice touches, and help keep the story from being horrifying. I'm not sure exactly where this is going...but the ride is a blast. Write on, as I am beginning to hate Bones and love Cogsworth--although I know they are both just doing their jobs.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Arabella Strange!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
I absolutely love the banter between Time and Death. The boy running in the street during their discussion was a nice touch. *Thumbsup*

Mechanics:
To make the text easier to read, you should use a standard five space indent at the beginning of each paragraph. Even better, a blank line between each paragraph works when you are looking at a computer screen.

There are a few minor errors here, such as substituting "they're" for "their". You also have a space after your dashes, as in "mid- bark". It may be a formatting error.

Death looked around himself....
This is unintentionally humorous. Perhaps use "also"?

same agonized noise
You've used the word noise once in the sentence. Perhaps use "sound"?

Flow/Content:
Great job moving the story forward by describing the world as the two stroll down the street. I see the city clearly, but I don't know what the immortals look like. Is this done on purpose?

Favorite line/s: Graveyard humor is the best! *Bigsmile*
He nodded at the girl across the street, “That dog has rabies,” he said excitedly, “I’ll be seeing her tomorrow night.”

Overall:
I love the wit of your characters. I think I know who She is, but I'm dying to know if I'm right! I will certainly read your next installment. Write on!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Fractured Light  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello OnTheOtherSide!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
Your last line is powerful, even though I figured it out. *Smile*

Mechanics:
Good job indenting the paragraphs! I understand that you want to surprise the reader, but you really do need quotation marks to show dialogue.

You feed me lines....
This portion is speaking of the past, so I think "fed" would work better.

Flow/Content:
You write with a freeform, casual style that is perfect for the story, so the sentence fragments are fine. I know it felt good for the character to get that out of her system!

Most of the story is told in dialogue, but some movement might give more impact to her emotions. Even something as simple as describing how her eyebrows came together would substitute for the word "glare", and at the same time give the reader a break from the dialogue.

I'm not sure if her looking into his eyes worked for me. Somehow, it feels like I have been lied to, or tricked. However, the fact that he does not answer her does seem fair. I am undecided, but thought I would mention it.

Favorite line/s:
The fire rose again, and this time it ripped through his silence like wildfire. *Thumbsup*

Overall:
You showed very clearly the bottled rage of the person scorned. I got mad with her, because I've been there too. Great job showing emotion through speech! Keep writing!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of BLOG RING  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello RubyRed!

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you.

First Impressions:
I'm so very glad I found your ring. The contest looks like a blast. It rewards bloggers for what they are already doing--writing as often as possible--and reading other's ramblings, essays, and life stories.

Overall:
Great idea, and a great resource for finding good blogs to invade. I see some of my favorites, and I'm eager to read new ones.

I think I'll throw my lot in with you guys! What have I got to lose, besides my writing inhibitions?

In gratitude,

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Dragonblue!

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you.

First Impressions:
A passionate look at your take on freedom.

Flow/Content:
I like the use of bold for subsections and emphasis. You have ordered your thoughts well, and the footnotes lend a more professional flavor to what some might take as a rant. Tomato/to-mah-to, I say. It is a bit loose in punctuation, with a few sentence frags, but I understood every word. You get bonus points for stating anything "proudly and defiantly"! *Bigsmile*

Favorite line/s:
THE ONE AND ONLY HUMAN RACE!

Overall:
Thank you for pointing me toward the poll, and I urge others to take it also.
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by A Guest Visitor


Your essay is a good answer for some good questions--timely questions--on a subject that continues to divide the American electorate. Whether they agree or disagree with you, no one can say you don't care about our country.

It is always a pleasure reviewing your work, for you never do anything halfway. I love the enthusiasm you have for life, and the compassion you have for others. Write on!

In gratitude,

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Review of Smoke House Rules  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello John!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
Oh my, you sure can tell a story!

Mechanics:
excersize = exercise

There were also a few missing commas. I had to read the portion at the gate several times to see who was talking to whom. Otherwise, it was...smooth and satisfying. *Reading* The sentence fragments were perfect for this casual little talk among friends.

Flow/Content:
I love that you've used satire to illuminate the worth of our basic freedoms. That you do not smoke yourself makes the piece all the more powerful. You give the background of the legislation, as well as your opinion, and you do it all with humor. Well done. *Thumbsup*

Favorite line/s:
...although no one from NPR could get the spokesman to explain the connection between a tobacco ban in Ohio and Islamic radicals.

Overall:
It is so nice to see writers use their talent to bring attention to social issues. Keep writing! I will certainly visit your port again.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of GET THE PICTURE?  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello tosca!

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you. I've nosed around in your port and there is excellence is each piece.

First Impressions:
I got the picture!

Flow/Content:
While each of these pieces skips along to its own beat, there is always your signature "shuffle hop step"--and a solid kick at the end. I just really like the flair of your pen.

I would give suggestions, but they would only be stylistic issues.

Favorite line/s:
As it was, she just seemed rather edgy, like a deer sniffing the air for hunters.

Overall:
Thanks for giving me some much-needed advice on drawing characters. I look forward to more of your work.

In gratitude,

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Review of Finders keepers  
Review by KimChi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tizzy!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
Wow! Awesome piece of flash fiction!

Mechanics:
There are a few minor errors--a missing semicolon, and I believe there should be three periods after "like" and before "that" to show a pause.

Flow/Content:
Nice flow, and you have wonderful descriptions of the house looks and how it feels.

Favorite line/s:
It was elegant, regal almost, all stained glass and oak panels; but they were just shadows from a past that haunted and hurt.

Overall:
Love this piece. It is definitely an unusual POV, and I know the house would feel honored. *Wink* Keep writing! Flash fiction is hard, and you've made it look easy!

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review of Color Me Human  
Review by KimChi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello D.L. Robinson!

Welcome to Writing.com! I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits. If you have questions about the site or my review, please feel free to ask!

First Impressions:
I was hooked from the moment Herman began to spew. This is a wonderful story; full of wit, humor, and history.

Mechanics:
I was so caught up in your world that I forgot to nitpick. You have a wonderful grasp of the art and technique of writing.

Flow/Content:
Great flow. I love the way you present the background information with the newspaper. Your characters are interesting and realistic, and each scene floats right into the next. The dialogue is excellent, and you have several great turns of phrase.

Favorite line/s:
She lifted those blocks a step at a time, and they really did seem to get lighter, until she felt as if she was gliding on a sheet of air. It was something that happened in her heart.

Overall:
I don't give many 5's for prose. This one is well deserved, and you get a standing ovation from me. You write with passion, and it is obvious you take great care and pride in your craft. Thanks for showing me how it's done. I look forward to reading more of your work.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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Review by KimChi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello fyn!

I hope my honest review will be helpful to you during future edits.

First Impressions:
I read your entire book one night when I could not sleep, which was a bad decision. My mind only raced more afterward; with your great characters, as well as the general theme of the work. What would it be like to one of only a few survivors?

Overall:
I will certainly take the time to review each chapter at a later point, but to be honest--I saw few areas of concern. I only remember that it was unclear in a few spots which character was writing in the journal.

I just wanted to let you know that your work inspired me to keep writing about anything and everything. You took a fantastic event and made it real. The subject matter as well as the form are creative; and I enjoyed it immensely. Thank you for making your book accessible to everyone.

In gratitude,
Kimchi

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