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Review Requests: OFF
849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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26
26
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey, Kaz . I'm here with a review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

The story talks about a protagonist who encounters a dragon and a lady. I did not get why the lady needed to be naked in the story (sounded some sort of unnecessary details to me), but that's well. I also did not get whether the poem was supposed to represent a dream, an illusion or a myth. Probably I am missing the significance of the last sentence, but I did feel that the poem should have something more.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

The first suggestion is the stanza breaks. Your line breaks are good, but the poem needs some stanza breaks to work well.

Apart from this, two of the observations are highlighted below:

i)somehow sooth: I think this is a typo here, and you meant to use the word smooth.

ii) There are some sentences which can be tightened a bit as they are too long for the current flow of the poem. For example, But then paused when I saw what lay draped over his massive arm.

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Punctuation

I only noticed a small error here.
Which gave me quite a fright. should not have a period in the end, put it should have a comma.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the beginning and the rhyme of the first four sentences.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

I think you can make this poem better by adding some more details. But otherwise it is a good beginning.

Thank you for sharing it.

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hey Rose . I'm here with a review on behalf of "Game of Thrones" .
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

I'm not sure I got the scene you wanted to show here. I got the slave who is in thrall of her master and is wanting to please Him. I got that she is chained and dancing, but rest of the stuff was too abstract for me. I'll give you an example:
her slave's heat consumes her: What exactly is a slave's heat? The phrase would have been perfect had it been explained if you are referring to a fantastical phenomenon or the real phenomenon.


*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

As I said I found the description too abstract. I love reading erotica, so it is not that I'm unaware of the subject I'm reading, I just was unable to associate with it.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The vignette can use some of the polishing. I am not pointing out the individual errors, but the two words that stood out for me are:

i) A low whimper flys from her lips : The word here should be "flies".

ii) Similarly In agony of spirit she crys out: The word should be cries.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the poetic cadence of the section. It was like the piece was able to put the reader in the trance. Only if would not have been too abstract, the piece would have engaged me.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I am not sure whether this is a part of a larger read or not, but if it is, I would love to read the first part and re-review the piece based on that.

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review of Two Hearts  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey, Melissa Murphy--Soon Published . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

You're wrong if you think you're not a poet. You definitely are one. The poem talks about the act of making love and presents the whole scene. The images you create are quite beautiful and hauntingly sweet. I loved the way you utilized all the senses in the whole prose.

*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

The prose poem is a difficult thing to do justice to. Many a times it turns into plain boring prose and not be a poem, while other times, it becomes a flowery poem losing its essence as prose. But your poem definitely maintains the balance between the two.

I did not find any grammatical mistake, but I do wish you had separated the his and her feelings of the first stanza by a line break.

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Punctuation

No punctuation related issues found.


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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the sweet languages and single words you used in juxtaposition with each other to present the feelings.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

This is the second poem I am reading of yours, and I can assure you that it is poetic enough for me.

Thanks a lot for sharing the poem. *Smile*


Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review of White Balloons  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hey, Sssssh! I'm not really here. . I'm here to wish you on your anniversary. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

You have described the funeral of a child which you were seeing as an outsider and wondering about. Every sentence you have used is an image upon the another. I could actually see and feel what you might have felt during the funeral.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

I did not find any grammatical mistake here.


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Punctuation

those balloons; those hauntingly still: I think the dash would have been a better choice here instead of the used semicolon.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I view an umbrella or two...: This lines adds the feeling of peace to the whole poem.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

I know you must be thinking why I selected such a poem for anniversary. The fact is the word "cemetry" reeled me in. These days, my train passes a graveyard(where Muslims bury their deads). And I see the graves being cleaned every morning. Some are with the plants, and some are covered with the blanket of flowers. It is such a peaceful scene that it gives me solace. I don't know why, but it does. And that's why I selected this poem.

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Melissa Murphy--Soon Published . You are one of the selected as one of the warriors of "Game of Thrones" . Please sit back and enjoy the "review therapy". Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

Time travel... I think this is my favorite kind of romance. I mean imagine how much a person has to adjust from one place to another, but adjusting an era to another beats it all. The plot is evident here quite well. The chapter shows something which forces William to forward in time.


*Person* Character *Person*

There are three characters indicated in this chapter: first is William, who has a sister in the world and is running away from something. The second is the female character, and third is the witch. All characters seem intriguing.

*City* Setting *City*

A forest, an era and then probably a farm.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

You have done awesome job with the description here as everything you wanted to show is actually visible to the readers. Good job!

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

There are many comma errors in the story currently, but I have not pointed out as I assume this is an unpolished gem yet. If you need those details, just drop me a mail, and I'll be there.

Apart from this just a small observation clutching its course mane: This should be coarse instead of course.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the way the story is shown. Descriptions used are fantastic.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

The story intrigues and manages to keep my interest intact in the tale. That's what is needed from the initial chapters.

Thanks for sharing this story.

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hey, drifter . I'm here to review this item on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Initial Impressions

I understood what you are saying, but I was not actually clear about the details of incident. You just said that he needed help, and one cannot really say whether it was right or wrong without understanding the situation. I am really curious to know that what kind of situation calls for taking a person to motel, rather than hospital or his home. Also I'm not clear about what objections the other people had regarding the help-- were they being threatened or sued?

*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Suggestions

I think this whole story can benefit if you add a lot of details in the story so that readers can judge your question better.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Final thoughts

Whether I'll help or not the third person depends upon the situation and what repercussions it can have on me. I'm quite a selfish person in that manner. I am not averse to helping anyone in need--whether in the life-threatening situation-- or facing a simple difficulty, but I do think I'll first see how the things will inconvenience myself. In my country, handling police is a difficult job, and I probably will help as much as I could without being embroiled in the police case.

Thanks for giving me this food for the thought.


Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)

Hey, Just an Ordinary Boo! . I am here with a review on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

I am so jealous of you! Not because you couldn't go to England, but you got to meet your best friend of WDC. This poem is so warm that it made me feel glad and happy for you. The gesture and the way you described your holiday made me feel you enjoyed the holiday a lot.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

I just have a small complaint with the poem and that is with the line
tourists find spicy rice not nice..

I know what this lines mean, but it looks so out of place. Probably this should be in italics or may be inverted commas to tell that they were thinking or discussing it. Currently this seems to be forced in the poem.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Punctuation

No observations.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

The whole concept of capturing the holiday in poem. *Smile*


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I am wondering did you ever manage to go to England after this or not? Are Visa laws still that strict?

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of KEYBOARD  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! . I came across this poem in one of my searches and I thought I will drop in for the review.

Initial impression
I loved, loved, loved the idea of the first poem. I mean-- really, really loved. Not only the presentation of the idea is too good, but the meaning and the message conveyed by it is beautiful as well. And the rhyme flows pretty well too. In fact the poem flowed so smoothly that I did not even realise that I am reading the rhymes.

The second set of the acrostic is good too-- but nothing near to the first set. I think I have hangover of the first poem. *Blush*

Suggestions
The suggestions are for the second poem. The message of the poem is good as well, but what makes it not work for me is the way the poem is structured. This poem feels like it has been forced to meet the acrostic requirement. Grammatically, I did not find any error in either of the two poem except probably in the second poem I will forego the full-stops. They further distract from the poem as a whole.

Final Thoughts
You know that kaleidoscope is my favourite word. You might be sixth or seventh Indian poet who I have seen using the words. Poets from other countries have also used it, but somehow the poet I encounters in WDC rarely use the word. I discussed this with someone else as well, but there is no answer to the mystery as to why.

Thanks for allowing me to read this.

Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Her Collection  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey, Cat Voleur . This is an anniversary review for you from "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

Initial Impressions
Quite chilling.
That was the two word feeling for the story. I liked the story and the premise, and I am 100% sure you can extend it further. If you are not using, parcel me the idea and I might do something with it. I always am in awe of persons who can visualize and write about the darker things. I can't do that well, but you have done it quite nicely.

Suggestions
I know you might not edit the story, but this is a general suggestion. The first sentence in the story is quite confusing. In fact using multiple pronouns without introducing the name of the character makes the reader quite distant from the characters. And in this story, there is no name at all. It will be better if you give the names in story. It is quite easy to use "he" and "she" though. I have done this myself, many times.

Ending thoughts
Commendable job for a 24 hour prompt. I adored the last line. I mean the line fills me with the ideas.

Happy Anniversary again!

Image for GoT


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35
35
Review of Come To Me  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey, GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen . I am here on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  to review your poem. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

The poem is definitely an interesting poem in which the character is requesting to be loved by someone who is not yet in love with the main character. The poem captures the pain of the unrequited love quite well.


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

Although I did not see any grammatical error, I feel the line " 'Till such time..." has misused the word "until". Currently the meaning that I get is that the love will change after other person has learned to love.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Punctuation

There is only a small issue here which I guess you know of. You have used hyphen between "you-what" which should actually be dash.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Nothing special grabbed my attention.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I liked the poem. I have read your better works, but this one was also good. Thanks for allowing me to read it.


Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Pinkly  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Hey, Fivesixer . A very happy anniversary from my side. I was going to enter into your port, but then the random review tool showed me this poem(very old, I guess) of yours, and I thought why not. So here I am with the review. Please note that this review represents my views and is not meant to offend in any manner.


*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Imagery Created

Let me be honest. I really did not get the total picture of the poem. I enjoyed the picture developed by individual stanzas, but I might not be able to find the connecting link in the poem. The genre says it is romance and personal, probably that's why I am not getting it (although I used to think I get romance).


*Snow1**Tear* *Snow1*
Language, grammar and form

I have a few observations which might not truly be the observation and some techniques which I don't know of. In that case, I would love to learn:

i) warming to the belly of the trout : This sentence felt odd to me, especially the use of word "to".

ii) In the first stanza, wanted to and wanting to seem to obstruct each other. Similarly deeply and deeper have been used which seem a bit off to me.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Punctuation

You have not used any punctuation, although I wished you would have. The mid-line punctuation might have made the reading easier.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites


Despite all this, I still have favorites:

gliding like an instrumental
background of a movie known to millions == Awesome imagery.

a christ who doesn't know
who cannot speak == Very true words.

*Snow1* *Tear* *Snow1*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Even though I didn't get it fully, it was enjoyable in a way that I got to see some beautiful images. You probably want to remove the image at the end which is now invalid.

Thank you for allowing me to read it.


Image for GoT


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Oldwarrior . I am here with another of the review for "P.E.N.C.I.L." . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The plot progressed further with the confrontation of the families with the ants. The chapter progressed nicely. I actually like Joey and pity his difficult task.

*Person* Character *Person*

The characters are shown on the cursory basis. I did not find any depth to the characters except probably Joey, which might be something which will bother me later. I wish I could see the characters more, the families and their trauma did not really connect with me.


*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The chapter is quite well edited. I did find a few things which are indicated in the dropnote below. Besides that, there are some instances of run-on sentences. I am not sure whether that is an intentional style or not, hence they are not marked here. But if required, I can tell you those too.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

This chapter was quite short, but it was engaging enough for me. I will tell you about the detailed thoughts when the plot point connect together. But I did wonder if this chapter should come before previous one. Wasn't this the plane that was being referred to in the previous conversation (with Huck is last chapter?). I am off to read next chapter to see if I can unravel the mystery.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **


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38
38
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Oldwarrior . Here is the next set of reviews on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L." .Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The chapter shows further movement of scientists and the detectives. The chapter is more like a filler before further action happens. I particularly did not enjoy this chapter because I am left wondering that when and how are scientist going to bring the change. I am almost halfway through the novel and I don't see them making a difference except in the beginning. It is like your whole focus is on detectives and government officials and you forgot other characters. Hopefully that is going to change soon.


*Person* Character *Person*

No character development is shown here, although the character do remain in the expected behavior patterns.

*City* Setting *City*

Sufficient for the chapter.


*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

A few of the specific language and grammar related errors are marked in the dropnote below.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

Nothing stood out as favorite or non-favorite.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I will present my thoughts once I see the threads joining and intertwining. Right now the chapters feel like they are moving in parallel storylines.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **


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39
39
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Oldwarrior . Here is the second review of today.
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The chapter introduces a new set of characters and a new storyline. Somehow I feel that I won't be able to keep track of all the characters introduced till the end. I did not see any plot hole here otherwise.

*Person* Character *Person*

The characters shown are alright. I can't really comment on the development because I believe that these characters are going to play some role later in the story.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

I did not find any major issues in the language. I am just curious why you sued capital letters for the names of the chemical. Chemical names are generally not considered as proper nouns as far as IUPAC is concerned. A discussion on this can be found "here"  .

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

This chapter felt more like a filler to me. It did not progress the plot as of now, but I hope that is going to change soon.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **



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40
40
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey Oldwarrior .I am here with the next review for you.
Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

I liked this chapter. This Father Moses is a real crazy guy. And creepy as well. The one who can carry the dead arm with them is definitely weird. AS far as the plot goes, the chapter flows well. I initially got confused by the use of the word "they" in the story. It took me who paragraph to understand what you were talking of. Probably you will like to cross-check the section.

I also got lost at the point where you mentioned what ants had been feeding them? Do you mean to indicate that they were fed human meat? It's just not clear to me. (It is possible that I am forgetting a chapter or sentence in previous chapter. Although I checked, I might still be mistaken. So please check accordingly.)


*Person* Character *Person*

The characters behaved as expected. I just have a small question. Why is the new women having no name in the chapter? If she is not important, why are you introducing her this late in the story?


*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

I did not find any mistake in the chapter, just a small mistake where you have written ten PM. I will suggest either you mention ten at night or 10 P.M. to write it clearly.

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I feel embarrassed to say that I liked Moses here. He is crazy, but a different kind of crazy.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

The chapters are getting interesting. I am still curious to see the interaction between Huck and Moses here.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **




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41
41
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey, Oldwarrior . Here is your second review of today. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

I like the chapter as it shows the condition of the city. But nevertheless I am waiting for all the disjointed scenes to come together and show me a bigger picture--something which connects all of them. Probably that will only happen towards the end, but that is something I am waiting for.


*Person* Character *Person*

The chapter showed the old characters who work as as expected to be. The President really does sound like an idiot in the chapter. I found it weird that the General used the words Air Force and Navy to address his counterparts, but probably that is how it roles in the armed forces. I have no idea, but it just sounded strange to me.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

Sufficient enough for chapter.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

I just found two tiny errors in the chapter:
1) Representative cambers : I think this should be chambers.

2) Every Senator, Congressman, their families, and many other government workers taking refuge in the packed tunnels, were literally torn to small pieces: In this sentence the commas are misplaced. Actually you separated the noun and verb with the comma here. Please crosscheck.


*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

Nothing much stands out as favorite or non-favorite.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

It is difficult to make a decision in the state of emergency, but I find it so cliche when armed forces are shown to be in favor of public and government is shown to be trying to save themselves. I always wonder if there is no such thing as good government leader or good congressmen(in the story!). I am yet to find one such good minister.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **





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42
42
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey Oldwarrior .I am back with a review for you from "P.E.N.C.I.L." . I hope to finish the novel within one week or ten days max. Let us see how it goes. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*Clapper* Plot *Clapper*

The plot is going great now. It feels all the world is set in an apocalypse like situation and all that is left is to save the world--very movie-ish. I just have a small point. There is a point in the story when the news reporter, Alicia, is looking around for ants, and it is later explained that she is quite shaken up.

The sentence is: The attractive young female in the van continued to sweep the area looking for ants.


Initially, the first part of the sentence gave an impression that she was still looking for the news instead of cowering in fear in their car.


*Person* Character *Person*

All the characters behave in the manner expected of them. Tappy does seem authoritative, but the whole chapter has the sense that they have almost given up.

*Bookstack* Description *Bookstack*

I wished for more description. You showed the scene and the street well, but the emotions were left untouched. The whole chapter is faced on the actions of the characters and none of the emotions are indicated.

*Magnify* Language and Grammar *Magnify*

The chapter is written quite well, but I still have a few observations. These are highlighted in the dropnote below.
Detailed Edit Points ▼

*Gold* Favorites and Not-so-favorites *Gold*

I loved the airport visual. That was quite a strong visual for me. I did not like the absence of emotions in the story. Action orientation is one thing, but I do love to notice how the characters react to those actions.

*Thought2* Other thoughts and Suggestions *Thought2*

I am quite delayed in my reviews. Thanks for being patient while waiting for the review.

** Image ID #1923282 Unavailable **





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jyo. I came across this item while hitting the random review. The colors caught my fancy first (I am that fickle at times!). So I thought I will let you know my thoughts.

Initial Impression
You were writing such poems 35 years ago?*Shock*

It's a beautiful poem which expresses the thoughts well. I loved the idea of slowing down and enjoying the life explored in the poem, and I enjoyed the idea of letting go as well. Probably it is my ignorance, but I stumbled a bit in last line (I still don't think I have got it right.)

Suggestions
I like the second version better. The first version is good too, but the second version is definitely better. I did not find any error, but I have a question. The first three lines of second-last stanza (If he swelled your song...)are meant to be as it is? I mean these lines start with "if", but do not end in else. While the third and fourth line are "if...else" situation. I hope I am making myself clear, but it felt as if you missed something in between while reading.

Final Thoughts
I read the poem sometime ago and noted what I wanted to say and then worked on an official assignment-- still, the notes of the poem are in my mind. I feel like giving the beats to the words and reading it again and again.

So, I guess it is a successful poem.

Thank you for sharing your work. I am glad to know you.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. I found your story while browsing through The Lair. Please note that the review represents my views ad a reader and is not meant to offend in any way.

Initial Impression
I loved the world and idea behind the story. How the necromancer thinks and their practices are brought out well. But my first reaction after reading the story was why so difficult words? The language you have used is quite formal and difficult to understand, especially too many words starting with the letter B. I understand that it's a formal ceremony and such language is needed but as a reader I found it weird to read.

Suggestions
I already suggested the need for easier Language. Another thing that is needed is to show the room where all is happening. You have explained how different the people were. But now how many were there and if they were specially dressed. That dimension will add to the story.

Parting thoughts
Necromancer is one of my favorite topic to read about and as such your story let me enjoy the supernatural. Thank you for sharing it.

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Review of Kalamity  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, Kiya. Here i am again with another review on behalf of "Game of Thrones" .Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.


Hey, . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

Poor, poor guy. Sacrificed at the altar of inventions. Again, another gem from your port, Kiya. It was an adorable ttale. I don't think I liked Sarah too much, but the story in itself was fabulous. I just have a question: Did Santa Claus exist during that time? I used to think that they belong to modern world.


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Language, grammar and form

Awesome work and very well edited.
1) at eighty-one what a shame) I think there should be a comma here. Even if it is a thought, there should be punctuation.
2) Atleast is a single word rather than two different words.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the character of Henry. So rough, yet so to the point. I also enjoyed the descriptions you gave of the submarine and how you built the time period.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

I have said many times that there are some writers you can't help falling in love with for their writing style. You are one of them.

House Hightower image for G.o.T.


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Review of Lost Without You  
In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Sum1 . This is an anniversary review for you.Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I loved the way you portrayed the muse as your lover because it indeed is as moody as a spouse(or so I feel). *Pthb*
The way you described your spirituality and your prayers is quite pretty.

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Language, grammar and form

I did not find any language or grammatical mistake in the poem. The occasional rhyme you have used worked well in the poem.


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Punctuation

There was one teeny tiny comma mistake here. Hoping his love, would sense this emotion. -- Here you have separated the noun from its verby by the comma.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the last stanza the most, actually the ending phrase which appealed to my mind.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

I have read your other poems too. This poem is good, but not as good as others. But I am sure I will find another masterpiece soon in your port. Happy Anniversary again.

House Hightower image for G.o.T.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hey, Merry Mumsy . This is the third review for you on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

So much tension of nanowrimo that you had to write a whole poem and if I assume correct, edit and rewrite it as well. *Laugh*. Nobody celebrates halloween around my place or even in my country. But since coming on to WDC, I have always wondered how do you people feel. Celebratory about Halloween or worried about the NAno month. For me it is neither as I sleep much before the excitement begins. I guess this poem answers that you do manage both.


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Language, grammar and form

I liked the way the poem started. The only thing that jarred my flow here was the last two lines. First of all, I didn't get who was "their" in their story was. Also the rhyme of me and etiology sounded too off to me while reading the poem aloud.


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Punctuation

Perfect!

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I loved the way you wrote the second stanza which shows the confidence as well as the doubt well.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

Thank you for sharing these thoughts before Nano. Next time I feel too worked, I will remember that I am not the only one.

House Hightower image for G.o.T.


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Review of The Carousel Ride  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hey, Merry Mumsy . Here I am with another review for "Game of Thrones"  Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

A very bittersweet flash of joy and sorrow. I think you captured the way one weaves the memory quite well.The loss, the past joy and the current sasness-- all ate expressed well.


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Grammar and language

The language used was good. There was no grammatical error in the story as per me.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

There were two parts that I enjoyed the most:
1) First is the idea in itself of feeling the carousel to remember a deceased person.
2) I also enjoyed the way you described the carousel ride and the dizzying mechanism.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

The story made me wonder if you really enjoy the carousel ride. My guess after reading the story will be no. It is not evident in the words itself, but I just got such an impression in my mind.

Thanks for sharing this interesting piece(I wouldn't call it a story though!)
House Hightower image for G.o.T.


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Review of Treat or Trick?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hey, Merry Mumsy . I am here to review your port for "Game of Thrones" . Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

The story is about Lisa who was turned into a monster against her will on Halloween night. I liked the way you showed her reaction. On fact it is a perfect example of what I want to achieve with showing thing, but you are so Mich better than me at this. I did not understand why she didn't question why only her? Why not the other people at the party or for that natter, why not Kate herself? Also, I did not get why you started with the taste if chocolate. Shouldn't she have been craving the blood, rather than chocolate?


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Grammar and form

The story is very nicely edited. I did not find any grammatical error except for one tiny thing, which I assume is the matter of style. In my opinion, ok should be written in caps rather than small letters.



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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I liked the initial craving that you described. It described the perfect way I fight with myself for the taste of a chocolate, although my reasons are different.


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Other thoughts and suggestions

This story felt more like a writing exercise rather than the complete story in itself, maybe an answer to a prompt.

Thanks for sharing it.

House Hightower image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Question  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hey, Rhyanna . I am here with another review as a part of my raid. Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

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Imagery Created

I took a minute to understand what you wanted to convey here. I finally got the link when I read the genre as war. I assume the man is going to the war and the girl is trying to etch him in his memories and praying for him to stay. You did justice to emotion as the poem expresses both the yearning and the love.


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Language, grammar and form

I think this is a prose poem. Am I right in assuming that? I have not found or reviewed many prose poems here. But I liked the format. Language wise, I just have a small point.
she prayed for
for thanks
First of all, the for is repeated twice. Also,m I don't think one prays for thanks. One sends one's gratitude in heaven, but one never prays for thanks.

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Punctuation

There were two points where punctuation was not correct.
1) faults he contained, she knew only of his
ability to enable her to feel - Since these are two independent sentences, there should be a semicolon here instead of comma.

2) over it; memorizing how - Here it should be a comma as the second part of the sentence is not a complete sentence.

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Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

There are two sections of the poem I loved. One where you compared the face of the man to the sunlight's color and the last part which expressed the yearning of the protagonist so beautifully.

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Other thoughts and suggestions

It is a lovely prose-- the kind which induce a lot of feelings in the people. I had fun reading it. Thanks a lot for sharing your writing with us.

House Hightower image for G.o.T.


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