Legerdemain's (legerdemain) Reviews

1

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14 days may be credited.

#4852799

Review of Never Alone

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello One Solitary Voice

(I like that username!)

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
This was a beautiful poem. The villanelle structure was a lovely choice. You met the prompt and word count, well done. I'm not sure the purpose of some of the capitalization, other than author choice.
Suggestions:

Stanza 5, did you mean mourning instead of "morning"?

Overall:
I enjoyed reading this and could feel the emotions.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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14 days may be credited.

#4852797

Review of The Unexpected Spill

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Hello Humming Bird

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
This was such a crushingly beautiful story! You built a lovely scene in the square and your characters were well done. You met the prompt, unfortunately went over on your word count.
No suggestions for edit.

Overall:
A wonderful story to read. Well done.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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14 days may be credited.

#4852796

Review of Broken Solitude

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello Lonewolf

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
This was a vibrant story. I loved the characters and how attentive he was. I also appreciated that you stayed away from the clichés and built Lucious to stand on its own. His was an interesting name choice. You met the prompt and word count.
No suggestions for edit.

Overall:
A wonderful read.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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14 days may be credited.

#4852795

Review of On that Square

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello iKïyå§ama

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
A pretty romance in a volatile situation! I liked the irony of his stoicism and her passion. I laughed when she vomited, so unexpected. I liked the happy-ever-after ending.

Suggestions:

"my lungs sucking in the brittle warmth of the bitter winter" ~ frostbite is mentioned in the next paragraph, so wouldn't it be brittle cold?

Overall:
Richly written with great emotion.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4850774

Review of My Golden Life

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Amare Jane

You did a fine job of showing the progression of age in this writing. It made me a bit sad as I have an older cat who is 14 this year. Pets bring us so much joy, it's hard to think of them leaving us.

I didn't recognize a poetry form, but the stanzas felt pretty natural

Some suggestions for edit

:

You wrote about the snores...but the other end?

Overall, lovely writing. Thank you for posting.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

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14 days may be credited.

#4850016

Review of The Park Cleaner

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello Damon Nomad

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked your story. It fit the quotation prompt. You did a good job describing Clyde and Wally and their life choices. It certainly becomes ironic when he inherits the fortune.

Some suggestions for edit

:

The only thing that bothered me was Clyde had already tried changing, and the money made it easier. Just a reader comment.

Overall, a sweet story!

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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14 days may be credited.

#4850015

Review of The Princess and the Frog

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hello Adherennium

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

What an amusing story. It fit the quotation prompt well. While it felt very 'fairy tale', the story carried on to be charming and lesson-worthy. Your character Vladimira was very funny.

Some suggestions for edit

:

sent out several bike men, who ~ this felt a little confusing, even in context.

Overall, witty, charming and a lovely story with a happily ever after ending. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

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14 days may be credited.

#4850014

Review of Kiara's Lesson - Quotation IInspiration

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello John

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I found your story inspiring and frightening at the same time, for the same reason Kiara felt it. You did a fantastic job of building the story without a ton of description or even dialog. I'm impressed. You did well with the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit

:

a way to keep her gaze focused horizonta
lly, scanning the horizon for external problems ~ just a format issue

Overall, a fantastic read. Thank you.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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14 days may be credited.

#4850013

Review of His Mother Cried

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hello THANKFUL SONALI On Hiatus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked your story. It's so common in the school systems for this to happen. Your dialog really helped pull the emotional heart-strings of the reader. Lucky Nishad.
I enjoyed Sharanya as a strong character, well done! You did well using the contest prompt.

No suggestions for edit

:

Overall, a good representation of the things happening to dyslexic and other challenged children in the schools.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4850008

Review of A Change of Heart

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked your story, the lessons that come unexpected seem to be the most important. I liked your world-building, descriptive but not taking the forefront of the story. The rain mess made me laugh. You used the prompt well.

Some suggestions for edit

:

puddles, left after the deluge. ~ no comma

Overall, an enjoyable story. Well done.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4850007

Review of Changing the World, But Not Himself

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Hello PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was definitely a riveting story. I enjoyed the concept of the Illness but got a little lost in who would actually get infected. A reader should be happy that Kevom finally revealed what it was.

Some suggestions for edit

:

"Elizibith leans forward in her Seat toward Kevom" ~ no cap on Seat

"I’m not the one who let it lose to affect the whole world.” ~ loose

Overall, loved the concept, would make a great movie.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4850006

Review of The Fall of the Heavenly Emperor

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A fascinating story. I expected the king to be educated, which he did, but not in the way I expected. I didn't read the historical notes until after I read the story, and it was interesting to read. The story stood well on its own, following the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit

:

and gilt, beautiful, but weighing upon him like guilt. ~ the gilt/guilt felt confusing

Overall, a good read.

Regards,
Kim

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13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4845083

Review of Getting it Right

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello Emberly Gray

What a beautiful poem of discovered love.
I liked the feel of a story in there.
If this had a specific form, I didn't recognize it.
The little heart made it sweet, I'm not normally a fan of emojis in writing, but this seemed to work.

Some suggestions for edit

:

Not sure you needed the dashes "came so quietly—"

Overall, a lovely read. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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14 days may be credited.

#4842550

Review of Broadway Bounds (2007)

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello Carol St. Ann 20yrs at WDC!

I loved this! Mostly because I can totally relate to the narrator. I have had the exact same thing happen to a show, which I dearly wanted to see. Nothing like dropping into your seat in a sweat!

I so enjoyed the humorous asides and quotes.

Some suggestions for edit

:

"traveling into the City in daylight" ~ No cap, I know, I know, NYC should have caps lol

Overall, a fun anecdote!

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4834477

Review of Babysitting Baby

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Hello The DS has landed!

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
A clever poem, with the fun reveal at the end. My suggestions are merely things that made me pause, or for easier reading.

Suggestions:

"And the things you need to do,"

"They'll just slobber over all her toys,"

Overall:
A very charming poem, I enjoyed.
Congratulations on the win!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4832674

Review of The Legacy We Wrote

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello iKïyå§ama

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
I loved that this was heartfelt tribute built into the story. You met the prompt and genres.

I so adored the virtual party! We need to do this before 50!

Suggestions:

"carrying a vase brimming with the very blossoms the machine had been rambling about." ~ I might have missed the rambling?

Overall:
The sweetest tribute story, it really tugged on the heartstrings.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4832673

Review of Wattle We Do

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Hello THANKFUL SONALI On Hiatus

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
This was the cutest poem!
It almost felt like a nursery rhyme we tell our children with hand gestures and everything.
You met the prompt requirements including the genres.

Suggestions:

Perhaps dropnote the prompt at the end, later.

Overall:
This had me a chuckling, I really enjoyed this birthday poem! Congrats on your win, I'm glad you entered.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4832671

Review of Year of the Writing Wattle

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello ChristineB

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
What a fun concept...plant to human translator! If only I had one for my houseplants

And how ironic a plant would enter Cramp!
No edit Suggestions:
You met the criteria for word count and genres.

Overall:
Love the story.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4832401

Review of Saša Milivojev - THE PUNISHMENT

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Saša Milivojev

Welcome to Writing.com!
How exciting you found our site on WDC's 25th birthday, all the way from Serbia!
I hope you join in the fun!

I found your item on the

Read & Review link in the left column.
This was a powerful read, each stanza suggesting an even more horrific atrocity of our times.

Suggestion for edit

:

"The end with the punishment" ~ Suggest only "The punishment"

Overall, a good strong write.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4829274

Review of Ashes and stars

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

Hello Passion

Welcome to WDC!
Loved this story, who doesn't love a bad boy character

A few suggestions for edit

:

I'm old, my eyes are crappy and the tiny font strains them. There's a place to edit font size in the edit bar.

Line breaks are good, yours seem large.

If you wrote this to enter a contest, it's handy to link the contest {item:xxxxxx} so reviewers can look at the prompt, etc.

Overall, my comments are offered in good spirit and helpfulness.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4828457

Review of A Piece of Cake

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (4.0)

Hello LoneWolf

First off, welcome to Writing.com, I hope you're finding your way around okay.

This was a nice little scenario. I liked the added touch of patriotism. You did well incorporating the prompt words.
The wry humor made me smile, well done.

No suggestions for edit

:

Overall, a good write, I hope you did well in the contest.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

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14 days may be credited.

#4828113

Review of JUST ME

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hello Mary Ann MCPhedran

Thank you for sharing this; it gave me a chuckle. I got to know the narrator in so few lines and can relate, especially people watching. It's such a delight finding these little happy nuggets in the Read & Review.

No suggestions for edit

Overall, always lovely to find good things from our members to enjoy. Thank you for all you share and do in our community.

Regards,
Kim

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

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14 days may be credited.

#4825964

Review of Mabel And The Mob

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hello W.D.Wilcox

As always, you never let me down, your stories amuse. We always wonder what we'd do with a suitcase of money. Don't we? I always say if I won the lottery, I'd travel.

Some suggestions for edit

:

The only suggestion would change Murray from mumbling to trying to shout when Mabel makes her quick exit.

Overall, a great read, thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

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14 days may be credited.

#4825293

Review of My Favorite Prince Songs Playlist

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hello Princess Megan Rose

I love this list! It reminds me of all the great Prince songs.
I can't believe he'll be gone 10 years in April. Opioids have taken out so many talented people.
I liked how you did the font in purple (of course).

Some suggestions for edit

:

#5 - the title is "I Could Never Take The Place of Your Man" on the album Sign 'O' The Times.

Perhaps describe how he influenced you life.

Overall, great list! Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

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14 days may be credited.

#4822805

Review of God

Review by Legerdemain

Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello Arnak

I was a bit confused about the topic of the poem. At first read, one could assume it's about cannibalism or dolcet. Reading further, 'flesh and wine' lead me to think about religion, communion, and the last supper.

I guess it all depends on the reader and their personal interpretation. And that's the purpose, I would guess

Some suggestions for edit

:

"Gods" ~ suggest "God's"

"Put The Lord on my plate." and "Now The Creator's" ~ no need to capitalize "The"

Overall, an interesting poem.

Regards,
Kim

** Image ID #2229589 Unavailable **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .