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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain
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1,459 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

I loved a lot of things in this story, the subtle showing of Sid's age and his frustration, Mabel's strength and determination, and letting the reader decide the ending of their story. You did a good job of showing their emotions. I felt you followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  No suggestions for edit.


Overall, well-written work, keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Let's Go.  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Isn't this the sweetest story! I enjoyed the innocent love between the children. Despite their backgrounds, I'm sure readers can imagine this growing and seeing May and Mickey having a happy ever after life together. You followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  My eyes appreciate the larger font, just fix the closing tag at the end.
🎵  "the river, which flowed sluggishly and brown" - suggest "sluggish"


Overall, a lovely story. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Just drive!  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a beautiful story about love at first sight. While I felt it was a little over laden with historical notes, I got to know the countryside and about the history of the region. Perhaps if the story was longer, the history would not be as noticeable. I hope Georgios and Maria got away! You used the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "an old Tamarisk tree" - suggest "tamarisk"
🎵  "Hey Nazi lover we are here to sell olives," said the brother. - if a man was trying to do business with someone, why would he call him names?


Overall, I enjoyed reading.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Billy's New Car  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed this story, smiling when Billy and Sadie called each other names. Giving Sadie anthromorphic life comes pretty close to reality now. I liked your character's personalities and enjoyed the writing's sci-fi style. I had a good chuckle at the ending, don't we all love our old things?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "delivered icebreakers for him to use" - I wasn't sure how or what this term was.


Overall, a great story. I liked your voice in this story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This is definitely an ironic story. It brought back memories of my own children learning to drive. You did well with the dialog for the most part. You did use the prompt. I feel a lot of the story was 'telling' not 'showing'.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "“What is wrong with you,” shout Melissa slightly - suggest delete "slightly"
🎵  “Do you want the same thing to happen to Grace that happened to our eldest daughter Victoria?” Melissa asks." - I feel a parent wouldn't say "eldest daughter" Suggest taking that out of the dialog and have her wince in memory of their eldest or something.
🎵  "“Here, and what you have been teaching me. But I also think that I can get my driver’s license in a couple of days.”189" - Edit error, it appears.
🎵  “I’m going to be okay,” answers Grace incoherently. “Another cat got in my way again. Only I couldn’t go into the other lane this time.” - Where did the cat appear in the story the first time?

Overall, a cute story of a milestone in life.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Kåre Enga UdonThani 🇹🇭

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked the juxtaposition of the storyline, romance/love with darkness, and politics. The story felt full even though the reader didn't know their names, or what they looked like besides her hair and being draped in carnations. So much depth in the story, you followed the prompt and did well.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

*Heart* Loved how the story started out in the moonlight, and "earthlight" at the end. Well done.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mara ♣ McBain

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This story started with a chuckle, I have to admit. We've probably all dealt with that moment of frustration. I loved the story, and the characters so much so. CJ was so loving and patient and Annie showed us her dilemma in an adorable manner. You followed the prompt with a wonderfully unique story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, a well written enjoyable story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Eternal Love  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Johnny O

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Sorry, your entry was disqualified since it wasn't a short story but thought I would send my comments along anyway.

I can see this song as soft and mournful. Maybe with a blues background. One of those whiskey blues types.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, beautiful lyrics. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Derrol Edwards- Fantasy Writer

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

A great story chapter, I feel bad it was disqualified for being created before the site contest.
I enjoy this fantasy story. While I felt it moved a little too quickly, I liked the characters and think your readers will connect with Jinn and Kai-Ann if she moves along in the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, a good start with your first chapter. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of A Song of Loss  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beholden

What lovely words. I'm not an expert at poetry as far as form or meter, but I do love a good picture prompt and this one is inspiring. Your word choices all lean toward a sleepy poem. The narrator definitely sounded wistful and imparted the feeling of sleeplessness. I do hope you placed for prizes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None


Overall, wonderful work, keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Memorial Day 2022  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jay O'Toole

This was beautiful writing. It was very moving while not coming off preaching or pushy. It would be a perfect reading for a Memorial Day ceremony.

I always think of Ecclesiastes 11:1 as a "pay it forward" passage.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"The Banner" ~ I couldn't decide if The should be capital or not.


Overall, very moving and much enjoyed. Keep writing and I hope you're having a fun birthday week!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Wrong Address  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AmyJo - Holidays are here!

This is a cute little entry for a contest. While you didn't use nearly all the word count, the story felt complete. Although my muse itches to write more to the story, when the man meets Holmes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"2p.m." ~ suggest 2 p.m.

Overall, a charming little story. I hope you are enjoying all the birthday activities!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Headache  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Words Whirling 'Round

This story was from a really fun perspective. I wouldn't have guessed what the 'gray goo' was at first. (I never saw it coming, lol) The ending was a bit tragic but thank you, not gory or anything. "The Writer's Cramp is a great way to explore fun stories like this. It looks like you followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None

Overall, a fun yet disturbing story. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Me Too  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Jacky

A very amusing story made of mostly dialog. Ted's actions at the end were quite a surprise! I'm not sure Alex would have been that calm. Personally, I believe in ghosts, but never had one melt on me.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"“And what do you base this dis-belief on?”" ~ "disbelief"

Overall, a fun story! Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of The Lost Sunset  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello LightinMind

This was an interesting perspective in this story. I really never thought about a lack of sunset. I can imagine all the stories Jack will tell his child as she grows up.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing I wished for was more description of the exodus from Earth.

Overall, definitely a story with something to think about. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Ido's Story  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Vixey Todd

This was an interesting shape-shifter story. I liked the story points you touched on and would hope that in future edits, you flesh out those points and tell a deeper story. As a reader, I wished for more dialog between the characters to get to know them better. I understand this was for a challenge, I assume you wanted to feature Ido. Perhaps it would have been easier to show less timeline and more indepth character.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"He challenged his father then and there for his position, and one." ~ "won"
*Bullet*"When the day of celebration came Ido arrived at the palace after sunset. He knew Kyo and Onyx would be returning from the Council of Five, and they would be surprised to see him. After killing every male in the palace he settled in to wait for their return. Everything went to plan except Onyx’s sudden outburst of power. Ido had not expected her to be so strong at her age. He realized then that his assaults on her would have to be more indirect." ~ At this point in the story, the timeline seems to jolt forward and gloss over what seem to be important events in Ido's history.
*Bullet*"conceal his presents, and snuck into the palace" ~ "presence"

Overall, a story I would enjoy reading more about.


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of The Box  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jacky

This flash tickled my muse! I liked the dialog between Ted and his Dad. Using a tiny small voice for the box was very clever. It was interesting that Dad didn't take it out, but Ted was asked to.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Dad turning back to his iPad seemed to distract from the tone of the story.

Overall, an interesting read! Where did it go?


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Why just me?  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

While sad, I liked this story. Your description of the dark shapes worked well. At first, I thought the Captain would lead them away, but you added that interesting twist. I enjoyed the emotions brought forth in the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* You indented everything but the first and last paragraph.
*Bullet* "blue hospital covid masks" - suggest "surgical masks"

Overall, a great contest entry!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Love this story! You brought a lot of culture to the story without it feeling too informative. I enjoyed your characters and the stories Minjarra would tell. Learning from stories rather than a computer seems sensible, more impressionable. How else did generations survive? How else did generations stay connected?

No suggestions for edit *Cut*

Overall, well done!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Patterns  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This is a really cool concept story, I liked how you turned body parts into cyber parts, like "camera". We already have all the body electronics to help amputees, it's not a far reach to go full on. Great take on the contest prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* Sort of like a savant ~ Tighten to "Like a savant"

Overall, well written, I could see it all in my imagination.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Johnny O

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked your narrative, and even though it was disqualified, I appreciate your entry. It's very thought provoking and did well exploring the prompt.

Suggestions for future entries *Cut*
*Bullet*Including your word count / following contest rules are crucial, read them carefully.
*Bullet*Use the word count available to you, your work was 414 / 2000.
*Bullet*"all play a roll." ~ "role" I know edit programs don't catch these, ask a friend to proofread. Our community is very friendly and helpful...just ask!

Overall, keep trying! We're all here to learn and grow.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of The Stranger  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Benjamin Black

I liked this! With some editing work, it can certainly be a great scene or the beginning of a story. I liked your comparisons to history, it really makes a person think.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:

*Bullet* First of all, use line breaks. It helps the reader stop and start with changes in thought or point of view.
*Bullet* "Unavoidable" ~ no caps
*Bullet* "For Now." ~ No capital on Now. You could combine this with the previous sentence.
*Bullet* "Citizen were stopped" ~ Suggest "citizens"
*Bullet* "Who could be calling around out this ungodly hour?"
*Bullet* "Why should tonight be an exception." ~ Suggest adding question mark.

Overall, a frightening scene that could become all too familiar. Keep Writing!

Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Applause  
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Thankful Sonali WDC Power!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What a clever story! The reversal was fun. I didn't even notice until I neared the end that there was no actual dialog. I hope all your readers understand the moral of the story *Wink*

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I'm not confident the applause was needed.
*Bullet*The story felt as though it was a verbal story, in which case the crossed-out words weren't necessary.

Overall, a fun story in an interesting format.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

The shape/animal changing in this story was fascinating. Some of the things I would have liked to see were -instead of an explanation at the bottom of the story, build it into the story. Show us the world and the factions of people.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Two large lions1 are" - no explanation - this made your reader stop and scroll down to see what was written
*Bullet*"back and force" - back and forth
*Bullet*"using those weapons to watch the fight" - This was unclear, did they use scopes on the weapons?
*Bullet*"food my way by taking it from others" - unclear

Overall, great ideas that need a little help with execution.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review by ✍ LEGER ✍
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was such an enchanting story, it left me wanting to know more about the world you showed. And of course, who doesn't love a flying pig?

Suggestion for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only trouble I had was with the statement made Zatya made about Hieron getting the rope instead of Janne. So much back history in one statement! Perhaps when more word count is allowed, expound.

Overall, a great read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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