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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain
Review Requests: OFF
1,413 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Tower  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello QueenNormaJean isNancyDrew4now

I had a good chuckle reading this little flash fiction. I did it! Climbed the water tower, woo that was scary. But too chicken to leave a message. So it was fun to read about your little twist on the right of passage.


Suggestion for edit *Cut*:

*Bullet* Nothing big, a comma after "so". (So it was begun.)

Overall, a great entry. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jolanh

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!
This felt like a royal fairy tale complete with moral to the story and a happy ending. I admit to laughing when the lawyer called the king a slob.
You did a good job of walking the king through each of the contestants.
Well done.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"and times the king wondered" ~ Suggest "at times"
*Bullet*"The king Replied" ~ capital


Overall, a good story, well structured.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Thankful Sonali HAPPY 21 WDC!

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!
A very entertaining and cultural story! Even when it is not the culture to coax-feed friends, a lot of people do it. Its definitely a demonstration of caring for many. Your story was simple enough for anyone to enjoy without having to translate. But thank you, for the glossary.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"hard disk-like items in various degrees of thickness." ~ bread?


Overall, a fun story and I know so much more about chaat.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Dinner For Ten  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Mastiff

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was very entertaining! You did a good job of getting the back history of Helen in, and introducing all your dinner guests. I admit, I was shocked when it wasn't Helen who died.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* "I’m 32, with blonde hair, green eyes, and a nice build" ~ Not sure the random description was necessary.
*Bullet*"burned coffee and vomit wafter over me" ~ wafted
*Bullet*"Cameron listened, then asked me if we were alone as a client would be afforded." ~ I assume you mean attorney/client privacy.

Overall, better than dinner theater, good story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Time  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What an ending! I didn't expect Sarah's demise. I was expecting the typical mafia scenario since you mention the drug cartel. I especially liked the scene of Sarah under the boat.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Stop worrying about me, Papa.” Sarah climbed the steps, and all eyes followed her." ~ I felt this should have been a softer 'daddy' comment.

Overall, a creative story for the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Leger~
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Love this story, it's a beautiful twist on nature and astrology. It wasn't what I expected at the beginning, but I so love great endings. I sort of expected the crocodile to be the wise one, not the egret, a nice surprise. Each animal had a lovely and distinct personality. The pace of the story was good. Nice job on the use of the prompt.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:


Overall, a great read, thank you.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of In Bad Company  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Roland King

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Great dark story! The classic revenge on the peers that looked down on you! Who can resist a tasty brandied punch? Although I might hesitate from now on. Your scene description was 'just enough' and the outside characters given a necessary background. Well done.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*His name? "Sir"?


Overall, a good story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Dinner with Kieth  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Mr. Midnight

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This story really pulls on the heart strings. Your character's desolation and acceptance of humankind's rejection is well described. It amused me, the comment about how everyone stops by with a birthday list. I was sad to see such an ending, one always hopes to see a bright light and change in a melancholy story.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, great use of the prompt.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Last Supper  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Odessa Molinari

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Cute story. I like how everyone's inner dialog was the opposite of what they were saying. Sometimes dinner parties can be like that...and holiday parties! I did get lost in the dialog a couple times without any tags. But managed to move on and read.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Sorry I don't have a white colour job." ~ I wasn't sure if you meant colour or collar.

Overall, an interesting story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of A Dinner Party  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Wintersage

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

Good story, I liked your characters at the table. I also liked your description of the ambiance of the dinner. The conversations at times wandered a bit and I found it hard to follow along. The take-away for this story is that people forget their words can leave lifelong impressions on people, like Lucinda

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:


Overall, an interesting story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Beholden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I can totally see the irony of this story. I loved your curmudgeon character Max and the butler Hutchins. I laughed at his nickname for the neighbor. I sort of expected his demise to be a fall, with the climb up the stairs being a clue. Not so!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* the black saloons - I tried to research what you meant by this, no luck.

Overall, a fun read.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of A Death Nearby  
Review by Leger~
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello The Sun SmilesOn Small Valley

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a sweet little story. I'm sure many people with common names could relate. It does give a person pause to think about what they would do, how they would react to such news. Harry gave thought to a lot of people. Perhaps readers could take a lesson in such a story, to treat every day like it's their last.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a nice little story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Leger~
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello Robert Edward Baker

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a fun story to read. Definitely not what I expected when you brought scientists together. It felt right, the scientists comparing notes and discussing. It's something to think about, the points that Celia said about the elixir, no old age diseases but also overpopulation and lack of food and necessities.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, interesting to read and think about.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Witchy Women  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Fyn

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked the quirky character of Cywedir. You story was certainly the dinner party gone sideways. And lasagna is easy! I wasn't sure where the greenish sauce came from. The dialog was certainly small town cattiness.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Calling her guests to the table, they sat down to salad bowls filled with three different lettuces, several different colored peppers, and a variety of yellow, orange, and red tomatoes. Sprinkling some dressing from a crystal bottle, Florence wrinkled her nose at the sharp vinegar tang." ~ Wouldn't the host, Letticia call the guests to the table?

Overall, a fun story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Dinner with Death  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Lillie Eden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

What a strange story! I can see this happening to me, accepting an invite thinking I know someone in a remote way and then not knowing anyone there, how awkward! The main problem I have with the story is that there isn't a purpose, a reason for people to die.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"He pushed in there chairs" ~ there/their

Overall, quite a mystery.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of The Dinner Party  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Write-fully Loti

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest. Thanks for entering!

This was a crazy little story. I've seen people on the street that looked like younger or older versions of my relatives and people I know so I can totally relate to the dinner party. How odd to realize this at a stranger's meal. An edit to the story could be to tighten up the 'invite' to Ginn's house.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

Overall, a good read. Sorry it was disqualified.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Strange Brain

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I like your dream! I hope its a good dream for you. I get seasick, so this wouldn't be for me. The poor pirates would have to deal with an ill captive. They'd probably toss me overboard.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"obsidian black flag" - black and obsidian are redundant

Overall: A fun dream to have while chopping wood and swatting flies.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Detachment  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JustaThought

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I can totally see this happening! And I loved the irony of trying to disconnect Ray from the grid and then using a smartphone to look up bird house videos. Too funny!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Random caps: Comfy, Garage, Axe, Raised, Bird
*Bullet*" his glass eyes darting around the room." - I think you meant 'glassy' condition from the video game.

Overall: A charming and amusing story, with an ironic lesson.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Leger~
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello sindbad

I loved this! This would make an awesome meme on Facebook! *Laugh* I know...it was supposed to be ironic! A lot of these were true for the US, too.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*I didn't understand "...poor ones could only afford it (rubbish fish) if they needed it."
*Bullet*Little typo space "Well,most of us!" Not a big deal.

Overall, amusing yet so true!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Happy to write }

Staying at home is creating all kinds of new adventures for people, even with a crockpot! The recipe you did sounds really delicious.


Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Breaking this up with an intro about the crockpot / perhaps a recipe that you used / what steps you took / perhaps how it turned out and tasted

Overall, sounded yummy!


Regards,
Kim

Stop in my portfolio!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Winning Streak  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Myles Abroad

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Spellbinding story! You did an excellent job of weaving the prompt into the tale without being obvious. The seer/gypsy was a great character with the spark and I loved how the ending had a special twist. Well done!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"Strangling the steering, I yell," ~ Suggest 'wheel' instead of 'steering'.

Overall, a fun read.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Chance Happenings  
Review by Leger~
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello debmiller1

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

This story had all the essentials. It had the story arc, suspense, suspicion, surprise...lots of goodies. Moving the server was a good way to wrap up the ending. The only thing I could possibly relate to the photo prompt was if I imagined the area behind the man in the mask as the server room.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"the New Business application server" ~ were the capitals necessary?
*Bullet* *** ~ Divider not necessary. You start the next sentence with "As the days passed"
*Bullet*"I don’t start for another 3minutes" ~ 'three minutes'

Overall, a good office mystery.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Leger~
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Fantastic story! Certainly not the ending I anticipated when I first read it. I enjoyed the 'Dealer of Souls' character and the description of the three years of 'wealth'. You gave your reader a happy ending without excess.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"culminating with liaisons with supermodels" ~ Suggest: culminating in liaisons with supermodels

Overall, well written and a great ending.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Moon Cathedral  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Beholden

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

Love this take on the image prompt. I liked the pace of the story and the unique ending.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing I got lost on was whether there was connection to the moon's appearance and what happened at the end. Were the sliver threads forming symbols part of the moonlight?
*Bullet*This was a control room of some sort.

Overall, great story!

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of I Owe You My All  
Review by Leger~
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello vick04049186

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest. Thanks for entering!

I liked how you wound the characters around the castle, nice work!

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*piece of clay fastened into a sturdy cup. -- fastened / fashioned
*Bullet*young man was notorious like you for pushing his jet-black shoulder length curly hair from his face -- suggest a different word than notorious
*Bullet*assisted his lover with his choirs so he could accompany him -- choirs / chores
*Bullet* He watches his son kiss the young stable hand turned cook in shear anger. -- grammar, suggest "Watches in sheer anger as his son kisses the stable hand turned cook.
*Bullet*chops off the branch of the oak moments for its able to slam it down on Beau - moments before the tree is able to slam the branch down on Beau
*Bullet*Yes. I will make us dinner. It's the least I can do. I owe you my life. -- Is this where your title comes from?

Overall, some editing and tightening of the story and this is grand tale.

Regards,
Kim
Visit Leger's port!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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