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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI Now What?

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:
What a clever story and a fun homage to all these characters! (I hope Neville is okay.) I loved the use of the element in the end. Wouldn't that be the best, you can just click for color or something. My closet could use some extra space *Laugh*

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall:
A super fun entry and some great fanfiction characters to read.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of My Secret Place  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dave

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

A lovely poem and a lovely form. Very nice work, especially since you only had 24 hours! I loved the image of sunlight's chantilly lace. It's the best part of a walk in the forest, the beams of light.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*The only stumble I felt was "city's". But it worked for the form.

Overall: Great imagery and well done with the form. Congrats!

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello JCosmos

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

Tree rats! Sometimes it feels like that's what they are. If I leave the garage open, those little rats get into my bird food. I finally discovered that popcorn cans were squirrel-proof. They are cute, though. Fun poem for the prompt today.

Suggestion for edit: *Cut*
*Bullet* Remember to put your word or line count in your forum post. *Sad*

Overall: I smiled along with Jason.
This was fun to read, thanks *Smile*

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello JCosmos

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

This was a fun poem! Unfortunately, I had to disqualify your entry because there was no word count in the forum post or subject line. An unfortunate oversight, I'm sure. I'm liking Sam's version of a sandwich, perhaps without the catsup. Adding the picture was awesome, now I need some lunch. *Bigsmile*

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet* Line 3 - felt like it needed more.

Overall: A delicious offering.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Espero

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

Now I'm craving a pastrami sandwich! I have to agree with Harvey, you have to have it hot, on rye with toppings. And thanks for the history on the meat. Harvey's response to the cold sandwich was typical of a New Yorker, lol.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet* It would have been fun to see Sophie's reaction to a real pastrami sandwich!


Overall: A fun story for the prompt.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello JCosmos

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

Lovely writing, I'm sure the bird missed the human friends, especially if they feed him. The birds who visit my feeder definitely let me know if it is empty. And they flock near when I'm there to fill it and swoop in as soon as I walk away.

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: I felt sorry for the poor birds who did not understand where the humans went.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review of CARDINAL  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Penelope Moonbeam

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments:

A beautiful acrostic! I could see the image you created with your poem, well done!

Suggestion: *Cut*
*Bullet* Line 6 ~ "cardinal"

Overall: a pretty image of one of my favorite birds.

Writer's Cramp!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I loved a lot of things in this story, the subtle showing of Sid's age and his frustration, Mabel's strength and determination, and letting the reader decide the ending of their story. You did a good job of showing their emotions. I felt you followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  No suggestions for edit.


Overall, well-written work, keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Let's Go.  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sumojo

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Isn't this the sweetest story! I enjoyed the innocent love between the children. Despite their backgrounds, I'm sure readers can imagine this growing and seeing May and Mickey having a happy ever after life together. You followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  My eyes appreciate the larger font, just fix the closing tag at the end.
🎵  "the river, which flowed sluggishly and brown" - suggest "sluggish"


Overall, a lovely story. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
35
35
Review of Just drive!  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This was a beautiful story about love at first sight. While I felt it was a little over laden with historical notes, I got to know the countryside and about the history of the region. Perhaps if the story was longer, the history would not be as noticeable. I hope Georgios and Maria got away! You used the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "an old Tamarisk tree" - suggest "tamarisk"
🎵  "Hey Nazi lover we are here to sell olives," said the brother. - if a man was trying to do business with someone, why would he call him names?


Overall, I enjoyed reading.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review of Billy's New Car  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Graham B.

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I enjoyed this story, smiling when Billy and Sadie called each other names. Giving Sadie anthromorphic life comes pretty close to reality now. I liked your character's personalities and enjoyed the writing's sci-fi style. I had a good chuckle at the ending, don't we all love our old things?

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "delivered icebreakers for him to use" - I wasn't sure how or what this term was.


Overall, a great story. I liked your voice in this story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello PureSciFiPlus

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This is definitely an ironic story. It brought back memories of my own children learning to drive. You did well with the dialog for the most part. You did use the prompt. I feel a lot of the story was 'telling' not 'showing'.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  "“What is wrong with you,” shout Melissa slightly - suggest delete "slightly"
🎵  “Do you want the same thing to happen to Grace that happened to our eldest daughter Victoria?” Melissa asks." - I feel a parent wouldn't say "eldest daughter" Suggest taking that out of the dialog and have her wince in memory of their eldest or something.
🎵  "“Here, and what you have been teaching me. But I also think that I can get my driver’s license in a couple of days.”189" - Edit error, it appears.
🎵  “I’m going to be okay,” answers Grace incoherently. “Another cat got in my way again. Only I couldn’t go into the other lane this time.” - Where did the cat appear in the story the first time?

Overall, a cute story of a milestone in life.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Kåre Enga in Montana

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

I liked the juxtaposition of the storyline, romance/love with darkness, and politics. The story felt full even though the reader didn't know their names, or what they looked like besides her hair and being draped in carnations. So much depth in the story, you followed the prompt and did well.

No suggestions for edit *Cut*:

*Heart* Loved how the story started out in the moonlight, and "earthlight" at the end. Well done.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mara ♣ McBain

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

This story started with a chuckle, I have to admit. We've probably all dealt with that moment of frustration. I loved the story, and the characters so much so. CJ was so loving and patient and Annie showed us her dilemma in an adorable manner. You followed the prompt with a wonderfully unique story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, a well written enjoyable story.

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review of Eternal Love  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Wandering Thoughts

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

Sorry, your entry was disqualified since it wasn't a short story but thought I would send my comments along anyway.

I can see this song as soft and mournful. Maybe with a blues background. One of those whiskey blues types.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, beautiful lyrics. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Derrol Edwards- Fantasy Writer

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A great story chapter, I feel bad it was disqualified for being created before the site contest.
I enjoy this fantasy story. While I felt it moved a little too quickly, I liked the characters and think your readers will connect with Jinn and Kai-Ann if she moves along in the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
🎵  None.


Overall, a good start with your first chapter. Keep writing!

Regards,
🎶 Kim 🎶
Visit Leger's port!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of A Song of Loss  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beholden

What lovely words. I'm not an expert at poetry as far as form or meter, but I do love a good picture prompt and this one is inspiring. Your word choices all lean toward a sleepy poem. The narrator definitely sounded wistful and imparted the feeling of sleeplessness. I do hope you placed for prizes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None


Overall, wonderful work, keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review of Memorial Day 2022  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jay O'Toole

This was beautiful writing. It was very moving while not coming off preaching or pushy. It would be a perfect reading for a Memorial Day ceremony.

I always think of Ecclesiastes 11:1 as a "pay it forward" passage.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"The Banner" ~ I couldn't decide if The should be capital or not.


Overall, very moving and much enjoyed. Keep writing and I hope you're having a fun birthday week!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review of Wrong Address  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello AmyJo- only 2 steps behind -

This is a cute little entry for a contest. While you didn't use nearly all the word count, the story felt complete. Although my muse itches to write more to the story, when the man meets Holmes.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"2p.m." ~ suggest 2 p.m.

Overall, a charming little story. I hope you are enjoying all the birthday activities!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of Headache  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Words Whirling 'Round

This story was from a really fun perspective. I wouldn't have guessed what the 'gray goo' was at first. (I never saw it coming, lol) The ending was a bit tragic but thank you, not gory or anything. "The Writer's Cramp"  is a great way to explore fun stories like this. It looks like you followed the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*None

Overall, a fun yet disturbing story. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review of The Lost Sunset  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello LightinMind

This was an interesting perspective in this story. I really never thought about a lack of sunset. I can imagine all the stories Jack will tell his child as she grows up.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*The only thing I wished for was more description of the exodus from Earth.

Overall, definitely a story with something to think about. Keep writing!


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review of Ido's Story  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Vixey Todd

This was an interesting shape-shifter story. I liked the story points you touched on and would hope that in future edits, you flesh out those points and tell a deeper story. As a reader, I wished for more dialog between the characters to get to know them better. I understand this was for a challenge, I assume you wanted to feature Ido. Perhaps it would have been easier to show less timeline and more indepth character.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"He challenged his father then and there for his position, and one." ~ "won"
*Bullet*"When the day of celebration came Ido arrived at the palace after sunset. He knew Kyo and Onyx would be returning from the Council of Five, and they would be surprised to see him. After killing every male in the palace he settled in to wait for their return. Everything went to plan except Onyx’s sudden outburst of power. Ido had not expected her to be so strong at her age. He realized then that his assaults on her would have to be more indirect." ~ At this point in the story, the timeline seems to jolt forward and gloss over what seem to be important events in Ido's history.
*Bullet*"conceal his presents, and snuck into the palace" ~ "presence"

Overall, a story I would enjoy reading more about.


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of The Box  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jacky

This flash tickled my muse! I liked the dialog between Ted and his Dad. Using a tiny small voice for the box was very clever. It was interesting that Dad didn't take it out, but Ted was asked to.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Dad turning back to his iPad seemed to distract from the tone of the story.

Overall, an interesting read! Where did it go?


Regards,
Kim

Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Why just me?  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello LightinMind

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

While sad, I liked this story. Your description of the dark shapes worked well. At first, I thought the Captain would lead them away, but you added that interesting twist. I enjoyed the emotions brought forth in the story.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet* You indented everything but the first and last paragraph.
*Bullet* "blue hospital covid masks" - suggest "surgical masks"

Overall, a great contest entry!

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review of Tower Moment  
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Author Ed Anderson

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering!

A fun story! Isn't it crazy how things change for people who come into a fortune? I liked your characters and the teasing dialog. Nice job with the prompt.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*"In any case, i am not spending this money, it's not mine." ~ "I"
*Bullet*"Stop making fun of this, it's incredibly frusdtrating and disorienting," ~ "Frustrating"

Overall, I enjoyed your story.

Regards,
Kim
Just do it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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