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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/legerdemain/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Review Requests: OFF
1,524 Public Reviews Given
1,769 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Mellow Beat  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Duke-CastleChaos Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I really liked how the scene in this story was presented. One always wonders in the first paragraphs where the story is going. Your dialog felt authentic and was interesting. I wonder how many others on Wall Street would take the chance?

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Take the time to correct the exceedingly numerous spelling errors.

Overall: A entertaining read.

Writer's Cramp!
202
202
Review of Angel of Light  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello RS KrisAnn-Thanks Blainecindy! Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A clever story! One could never guess the end of this story when reading through it. I like how you showed Chrystals scepticism and kept the story current. While sad, it was a surprising and clever ending. A twist on the "Be careful what you wish for.".

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: A marketable story, a good moral ending.

Writer's Cramp!
203
203
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello E.J. Apostrophe Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A funny story. Too bad I just saw this story on the news. The set-up was original, but because I knew the ending, I came away disappointed.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"...while I would be at the home."
*Bullet*“Sigh, its Buzz.” ~ Would he say that aloud?

Overall: A well-written scene.

Writer's Cramp!
204
204
Review of All for Me?  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Vivian Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What a fun read. Isn't this what happens to people who win the lottery and such? They say people come out of the woodwork with their hands out. A bit of a scary thought, including the government taking their large share.

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: A good idea with the prompt, only the rich know the true curses of having piles of money to slide down.

Writer's Cramp!
205
205
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello breshke Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What an amusing story! It was a great way to twist the prompt and bring in some fairy tale characters to tell your story. The cricket in clothes was very funny. Great dialog.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"out her handy dandy notebook and her pen"

Overall: What a quandry! Do we ever get to find out the solution? LOL - great read.

Writer's Cramp!
206
206
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello thrdeyeopen

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Hey, I like your username! And your story...I liked the repetition of the inheritance, emphasized by the words of needing to finish something. Now I need to know what KehvTah does...

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Once you can edit for more word count, show the mother's alarm more. It would be a great foil for the sinisterness of the medallion.

Overall: A cool inspiration of the prompt.

Writer's Cramp!
207
207
Review of Jokule's Heir  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Than Pence Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This was a very entertaining story for the prompt. I enjoyed reading about the amulet, its powers and interesting side effects of having that power. You did well showing the back history without it being too overwhelming.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"Dude" seems like an inappropriate word in the dialog, since its a fantasy.

Overall: A good story and enjoyable descriptions.

Writer's Cramp!
208
208
Review of That Song  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Rogue Writer Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked the fall romance theme of the story. I didn't feel the part where Sam sleeps over is actually necessary. The story ends up being about Mom and Mike.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"pops" and "dad" should have capitals.
*Bullet*"He closes his eyes and frownes." ~ "frowns"
*Bullet*"“Got cha`” ~ Suggest "Gotcha!"
*Bullet*"Three AM" ~ Should be "a.m."
*Bullet*"...couch in his cloths" ~ Should be "clothes".

Overall: A little rushed, but a happy read.

Writer's Cramp!
209
209
Review of The Longest Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello NeloAngelo Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A good beginning to a zombie story but suggest editing to make the zombie attack less abrupt. The attack on the police could be expanded. I changed the rating to cover a cursing detail.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Why did Rodney have cuffs? Was he a cop? Detail that and expound on the 911 call saying a fellow police officer is down.

Overall: I liked the scene, and the description, but it needs to be tightened.

Writer's Cramp!
210
210
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Kid Miracleman Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: You did well creating an unlikable character because he was careless with his relationship. The story itself also felt lackadaisical, as if you weren't trying to write much, and had little dialog. The gay rights fact pile felt too heavy and unemotional.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Add more dialog between the man and his girlfriend.

Overall: The story could do without so many irrelevant facts.

Writer's Cramp!
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211
Review of For Your Own Good  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Nina Powers Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A common rape theme for mental institutions but I liked how you twisted it at the end with the mother. Bringing the mother's phrase back to the ending really did well with wrapping the story.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"If I wasn’t in such a rage I would have laughed at the cliché." ~ Suggest instead, showing the assistant's bland emotion and effortless restraint.

Overall: A good twist at the end.

Writer's Cramp!
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212
Review of Day Trip  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Charlie Snow Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I found this so amusing and laughed aloud at the names they called one another. Eugene's hysteria was terribly funny. You did an excellent job moving the story with dialog.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*What kind of hospital is Wallace Carter in? Psych ward? *Laugh*

Overall: A top notch scene with very amusing dialog. Write on!

Writer's Cramp!
213
213
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Darlene Pharris Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: An interesting story from first person POV. The narrator overcomes a lot of obstacles and looks happily toward the future.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs is helpful for the reader.
*Bullet*"happily marry to a man" ~ married
*Bullet*"three perminate employees" ~ permanent
*Bullet*Suggest showing a little dialog and more emotion in the story.


Overall: Good to see a character overcome emotional burdens.

Writer's Cramp!
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214
Review of Glimmer  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Fox Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This was interesting to read but I felt a little confused. If there was rain, it was cloudy, so how could you see the moonlight? I'm assuming the "a hope" was your reference to the prompt "a new beginning". I like upbeat endings.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Not sure the exclamation point or -- were needed in the work.

Overall: An interesting read.

Writer's Cramp!
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Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello CaesarRupus.... Author Icon

This is a great idea for a contest! I think a little formatting could go a long way to making your contest more attractive to contestants.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Show a few of the cross-genres listed for an example, instead of just a wiki link.
*Bullet*Use color and font sizing to make the intro to the contest more appealing. Enhance Your Item With WritingML
*Bullet*Instead of vertical || use line breaks and centering to make your directions more attractive.
*Bullet*Promote your contest on the "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com" Open in new Window. page!
*Bullet*Send in a link to the Contests newsletter to help promote your contest.
*Bullet*Perhaps provide a forum for contestants to ask questions and converse.

Overall, a fabulous contest idea.

Regards,
Kim
It's cold outside! Step into a nice warm portfolio...
216
216
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello mela Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A great idea for a story! I like how you made the story more personal by having the donation to the needy.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*I would have liked to see more word count in dialog with a personal point of view, so the reader can relate more to the story.

Overall: Kudos for using the word "hooligans"!

Writer's Cramp!
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217
Review of Stocking Stuffer  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Soldier_Mike Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This poem gave me a chuckle thinking of the police report. How nice of Santa to improve the bounty!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*The only lines that threw me off were "toward the box that was audibly calling / with a song like the Siren's once sang" ~ A better image would be tinkling like bells or childrens laughter.

Overall: A clever turn on Santa's visit.

Writer's Cramp!
218
218
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Charlie Snow Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: How funny! It was clever of you to use a parody of a Christmas song to make your story. A parody of a parody- ha! I adjusted your rating because of the mild violence. The robin's egg/ uncut diamond was a clever tool to set up your story. And of course, I like a happy ending.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Trim down a few of the details, it seemed a little overcharged.

Overall: A fun story!

Writer's Cramp!
219
219
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello K.B. Johnson Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Anyone who has attempted NaNo would have a good laugh reading this. Or maybe a good cry LOL. Either way, you did a good job matching this to Let It Snow. Perhaps you could post it for the NaNo groups to read, on site or off.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Small detail but some spacing between the NaNoWriMo! phrases. For some reason it seems hard to read. Maybe just my old eyes.

Overall: Very amusing!

Writer's Cramp!
220
220
Review of On a Chance  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Rogue Writer Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked your George character, he was funny! Some of the dialog was a bit cliche but you started forming a fun guy. It would be fun to read about Betty and George's adventures in Cape Town.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*It was a little creepy, the way George was hanging over the seat.

Overall: A fun read and interesting dialog.

Writer's Cramp!
221
221
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello mjp ink Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Love your username. This was a clever use of the prompt titles and still had a fun romantic touch to the writing. I liked the pace of the work and enjoyed reading it.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*So let's hear it for the boy

Overall: A fun read, I hope to entries from you again.

Writer's Cramp!
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222
Review of The Trap  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Eva Aldana Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I could see this sting happening in a big city and an innocent bystander getting caught up in the action. Good work. I also liked the internal dialog running through the story. It kept the reader in place and made the story easy to relate to.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Non-American readers might not know what a Franklin is.
*Bullet*"The one with the Ziplocs" ~ help the reader with a clue in the earlier sentence "bagged the manila envelope and purse that fell on the pavement into plastic bags.

Overall: A fun read!

Writer's Cramp!
223
223
Review of The PIN  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Than Pence Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: So funny, I can see this conversation happening in real life. It's the crazy dialog that winds out between two friends, that ten minutes later, you can't believe happened.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Not much to suggest, the dialog was good.

Overall: A fun story. Write on!

Writer's Cramp!
224
224
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Winchester Jones Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Such a funny dialog...I loved how you wove the two conversations. Great work!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"at there foreheads" ~ their
*Bullet*green yellow/red blue ~ add these descriptives in with the dialog, would work better. Less color description, more about their body language and how they were bickering.

Overall: Very amusing.

Writer's Cramp!
225
225
Review of Snake Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Legerdemain Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello mrsvoelkel Author Icon

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.!
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A funny story. Although I wondered too, if the girl had premonitions or something. I liked the irate man character.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*No wait, your right...I said 'I do' ~ you're

Overall: Great story, a great family tale.

Writer's Cramp!
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