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Review Requests: OFF
1,499 Public Reviews Given
1,744 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to be honest and write about how I feel and what I see. It doesn't mean I'm always right - it means I'm telling you how your work affects me. I'll try to tell you the good with the bad, but don't expect fluff. Fluff sucks.
I'm good at...
Looking at format, spelling and some punctuation...except commas. I hate commas.
Least Favorite Genres
Technical essays, overly detailed fantasies and poetry.
I will not review...
Items that show no obvious effort at editing before promoting for review. If you spell "i" instead of "I", I will close the page and not review it. We're not idiots here.
Public Reviews
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201
Review of All for Me?  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Vivian

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What a fun read. Isn't this what happens to people who win the lottery and such? They say people come out of the woodwork with their hands out. A bit of a scary thought, including the government taking their large share.

No suggestions for edit. *Cut*

Overall: A good idea with the prompt, only the rich know the true curses of having piles of money to slide down.

Writer's Cramp!
202
202
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello breshke

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: What an amusing story! It was a great way to twist the prompt and bring in some fairy tale characters to tell your story. The cricket in clothes was very funny. Great dialog.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"out her handy dandy notebook and her pen"

Overall: What a quandry! Do we ever get to find out the solution? LOL - great read.

Writer's Cramp!
203
203
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello thrdeyeopen

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Hey, I like your username! And your story...I liked the repetition of the inheritance, emphasized by the words of needing to finish something. Now I need to know what KehvTah does...

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Once you can edit for more word count, show the mother's alarm more. It would be a great foil for the sinisterness of the medallion.

Overall: A cool inspiration of the prompt.

Writer's Cramp!
204
204
Review of Jokule's Heir  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Than Pence

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This was a very entertaining story for the prompt. I enjoyed reading about the amulet, its powers and interesting side effects of having that power. You did well showing the back history without it being too overwhelming.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"Dude" seems like an inappropriate word in the dialog, since its a fantasy.

Overall: A good story and enjoyable descriptions.

Writer's Cramp!
205
205
Review of That Song  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Rogue Writer

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked the fall romance theme of the story. I didn't feel the part where Sam sleeps over is actually necessary. The story ends up being about Mom and Mike.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"pops" and "dad" should have capitals.
*Bullet*"He closes his eyes and frownes." ~ "frowns"
*Bullet*"“Got cha`” ~ Suggest "Gotcha!"
*Bullet*"Three AM" ~ Should be "a.m."
*Bullet*"...couch in his cloths" ~ Should be "clothes".

Overall: A little rushed, but a happy read.

Writer's Cramp!
206
206
Review of The Longest Night  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello NeloAngelo

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A good beginning to a zombie story but suggest editing to make the zombie attack less abrupt. The attack on the police could be expanded. I changed the rating to cover a cursing detail.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Why did Rodney have cuffs? Was he a cop? Detail that and expound on the 911 call saying a fellow police officer is down.

Overall: I liked the scene, and the description, but it needs to be tightened.

Writer's Cramp!
207
207
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Kid Miracleman

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: You did well creating an unlikable character because he was careless with his relationship. The story itself also felt lackadaisical, as if you weren't trying to write much, and had little dialog. The gay rights fact pile felt too heavy and unemotional.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Add more dialog between the man and his girlfriend.

Overall: The story could do without so many irrelevant facts.

Writer's Cramp!
208
208
Review of For Your Own Good  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Nina Powers

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A common rape theme for mental institutions but I liked how you twisted it at the end with the mother. Bringing the mother's phrase back to the ending really did well with wrapping the story.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"If I wasn’t in such a rage I would have laughed at the cliché." ~ Suggest instead, showing the assistant's bland emotion and effortless restraint.

Overall: A good twist at the end.

Writer's Cramp!
209
209
Review of Day Trip  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Charlie Snow

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I found this so amusing and laughed aloud at the names they called one another. Eugene's hysteria was terribly funny. You did an excellent job moving the story with dialog.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*What kind of hospital is Wallace Carter in? Psych ward? *Laugh*

Overall: A top notch scene with very amusing dialog. Write on!

Writer's Cramp!
210
210
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Darlene Pharris

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: An interesting story from first person POV. The narrator overcomes a lot of obstacles and looks happily toward the future.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs is helpful for the reader.
*Bullet*"happily marry to a man" ~ married
*Bullet*"three perminate employees" ~ permanent
*Bullet*Suggest showing a little dialog and more emotion in the story.


Overall: Good to see a character overcome emotional burdens.

Writer's Cramp!
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211
Review of Glimmer  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Fox

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This was interesting to read but I felt a little confused. If there was rain, it was cloudy, so how could you see the moonlight? I'm assuming the "a hope" was your reference to the prompt "a new beginning". I like upbeat endings.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Not sure the exclamation point or -- were needed in the work.

Overall: An interesting read.

Writer's Cramp!
212
212
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Shaara

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: That is a crazy song! I liked how the insanity level of your character rose with each realization of the song playing on another radio station. I know I'd have the same feeling.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Could a person be driven crazy in a day? Maybe.

Overall: I liked the monologue and how wonderful the character felt stepping into the psych van. LOL

Writer's Cramp!
213
213
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello CaesarRupus....

This is a great idea for a contest! I think a little formatting could go a long way to making your contest more attractive to contestants.

Some suggestions for edit *Cut*:
*Bullet*Show a few of the cross-genres listed for an example, instead of just a wiki link.
*Bullet*Use color and font sizing to make the intro to the contest more appealing. Enhance Your Item With WritingML
*Bullet*Instead of vertical || use line breaks and centering to make your directions more attractive.
*Bullet*Promote your contest on the "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com"  page!
*Bullet*Send in a link to the Contests newsletter to help promote your contest.
*Bullet*Perhaps provide a forum for contestants to ask questions and converse.

Overall, a fabulous contest idea.

Regards,
Kim
It's cold outside! Step into a nice warm portfolio...
214
214
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello mela

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A great idea for a story! I like how you made the story more personal by having the donation to the needy.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*I would have liked to see more word count in dialog with a personal point of view, so the reader can relate more to the story.

Overall: Kudos for using the word "hooligans"!

Writer's Cramp!
215
215
Review of Stocking Stuffer  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Writer_Mike

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: This poem gave me a chuckle thinking of the police report. How nice of Santa to improve the bounty!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*The only lines that threw me off were "toward the box that was audibly calling / with a song like the Siren's once sang" ~ A better image would be tinkling like bells or childrens laughter.

Overall: A clever turn on Santa's visit.

Writer's Cramp!
216
216
Review by Legerdemain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Charlie Snow

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: How funny! It was clever of you to use a parody of a Christmas song to make your story. A parody of a parody- ha! I adjusted your rating because of the mild violence. The robin's egg/ uncut diamond was a clever tool to set up your story. And of course, I like a happy ending.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Trim down a few of the details, it seemed a little overcharged.

Overall: A fun story!

Writer's Cramp!
217
217
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello K.B. Johnson

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Anyone who has attempted NaNo would have a good laugh reading this. Or maybe a good cry LOL. Either way, you did a good job matching this to Let It Snow. Perhaps you could post it for the NaNo groups to read, on site or off.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Small detail but some spacing between the NaNoWriMo! phrases. For some reason it seems hard to read. Maybe just my old eyes.

Overall: Very amusing!

Writer's Cramp!
218
218
Review of On a Chance  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Rogue Writer

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I liked your George character, he was funny! Some of the dialog was a bit cliche but you started forming a fun guy. It would be fun to read about Betty and George's adventures in Cape Town.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*It was a little creepy, the way George was hanging over the seat.

Overall: A fun read and interesting dialog.

Writer's Cramp!
219
219
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello mjp ink

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Love your username. This was a clever use of the prompt titles and still had a fun romantic touch to the writing. I liked the pace of the work and enjoyed reading it.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*So let's hear it for the boy

Overall: A fun read, I hope to entries from you again.

Writer's Cramp!
220
220
Review of The Trap  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Eva Aldana

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I could see this sting happening in a big city and an innocent bystander getting caught up in the action. Good work. I also liked the internal dialog running through the story. It kept the reader in place and made the story easy to relate to.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Non-American readers might not know what a Franklin is.
*Bullet*"The one with the Ziplocs" ~ help the reader with a clue in the earlier sentence "bagged the manila envelope and purse that fell on the pavement into plastic bags.

Overall: A fun read!

Writer's Cramp!
221
221
Review of The PIN  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Than Pence

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: So funny, I can see this conversation happening in real life. It's the crazy dialog that winds out between two friends, that ten minutes later, you can't believe happened.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Not much to suggest, the dialog was good.

Overall: A fun story. Write on!

Writer's Cramp!
222
222
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Winchester Jones

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Such a funny dialog...I loved how you wove the two conversations. Great work!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*"at there foreheads" ~ their
*Bullet*green yellow/red blue ~ add these descriptives in with the dialog, would work better. Less color description, more about their body language and how they were bickering.

Overall: Very amusing.

Writer's Cramp!
223
223
Review of Snake Eyes  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello mrsvoelkel

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: A funny story. Although I wondered too, if the girl had premonitions or something. I liked the irate man character.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*No wait, your right...I said 'I do' ~ you're

Overall: Great story, a great family tale.

Writer's Cramp!
224
224
Review of The Story Quilt  
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Moira Rutherford

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: Wow, this could be the prologue to a very fun novel. I hope you have the inspiration to add more. It was a little rambly but I'm sure a bit of editing and tightening would clean this up easily.

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Some punctuation, capitalization and spacing issues I'm sure will be eliminated when you edit.
*Bullet*"hand to hand until no-one until now had been able" ~ clarify.
*Bullet*"anyway=all except" ~ A dash instead?

Overall: An intriguing read.

Writer's Cramp!
225
225
Review by Legerdemain
In affiliation with The Writer's Cramp Judges ...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Background

Thanks for entering "The Writer's Cramp" !
I understand this is a short contest and take that into consideration, so please take these comments and suggestions as merely my opinion of what was posted.

Comments: I loved this story for it's perspective. The point of view was an awesome choice for the prompt. I liked the reveal at the end, nice work!

Suggestions: *Cut*
*Bullet*Line breaks between paragraphs makes for easier reading.
*Bullet*"The only color that I saw was grays and" ~ and, and, and ~ rewrite.


Overall: Needs a little edit, but a good story.

Writer's Cramp!
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