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Review Requests: OFF
1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review of Sleeping Tigers  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Jellyfish,

I adore your title!

You really played with imagery throughout the piece. Your scenes show both ends of the spectrum inside the relationship. I like that you chose to focus on that, instead of it being one-sided. Your final stanza presents the metaphor of "sleeping tigers" awakening quite nicely.

Thank you for entering and best of luck,
~ Lexi
277
277
Review of We can make it  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Timothy, Welcome to Writing.Com.

Unrequited love is never an easy thing to deal with personally, but it makes for some good writing. The feelings you convey in the lyrics are quite clear, and I'm sure many can relate to that. I hope you don't mind me pointing a few things out to you.

Verse 7
But when the pains to much to bare
*Bullet* But when the pain's too much to bear.

Verse 8
If it's simply that your just to weak
*Bullet* too weak

Verse 9
Your everything
*Bullet* you're- because you are

It would be interesting to hear this accompanied by music. All and all, good work.

Write on!
~ Lexi
278
278
Review of The Poet  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Ystab,

I like the idea of this. You use a decent amount of imagery throughout the poem.

I realize that your choosing to stay with a 6-6-6-6 count, but I have a suggestion for the first stanza. I hope you don't mind.

As he chisels down words
Onto a blank white sheet,
He constructs a setting
So solid and concrete.

*Bullet* Instead of using the word "so" here try using another 2 syllable adjective and omitting the word "and". Also, I would suggest using either solid or concrete, not both because concrete is already solid. Possibly try something like this which will keep with your syllable count Colorful and concrete.

Write on!
~ Lexi
279
279
Review of Fragment  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
CherMaire,

Welcome to Writing.Com! Good title; it drew me in. I think it's always great to try different things when it comes to writing and I encourage you to keep giving poetry a try. The idea behind your poem is straightforward and simple. I hope you don't mind me offering an idea to jazz it up.

Try to introduce some imagery into the poem which will help give readers a vision of your piece. Your poem is about how insignificant you feel in the world. Maybe try using something like you're "the blurring around the edges of a dream" instead of explaining literally how you feel.

I look forward to more of your poems.

Write On!
~ Lexi
280
280
Review of When It Mattered  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Flip,

*Thumbsup* What an interesting entry. I think it was great to tell a story of loss and then show what happened to the person, rather than just showing his sadness. The last five lines of this really pull this piece together. They are by far the strongest in the poem, and I always think it's important to finish it with zing. Nice play on creativity there.


Thank you for entering round 41 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Happy Holidays!
~ Lexi
281
281
Review of Garden of Gems  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautifully done, Ginger! I think you let your imagination take over. The fantasy you created for this poor soul flies right off the screen and comes alive. I was able to envision through your words with ease.

Thank you for entering round 40 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck.

~ Lexi
282
282
Review of Knotted Wire  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fynster,

*Thumbsup* You are such a clever girl! I see that you used terryjroo's 21 days to inspire you here. Fabulous imagery here! I could feel the razors! As usual, you let metaphors speak for you and it makes your piece spectacular. Nice job, Fyn!

Thank you for entering round 39 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
283
283
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
BarberShopMom,
*Thumbsup* You tell us of a day from start to finish in detail. Good job in use of description and metaphors! Sometimes, I think that it only takes something small to make you feel good and make a difference in your day. You may want to add this under the inspirational genre.

Thank you for entering round 39 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
284
284
Review of INTO THE VOID  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Khalish,

Thank you for entering round 38 of "Invalid Item" . I hope you don't mind my comments.

*Thumbsup* As always, you take on the syllable challenge within your creation for this contest. You followed the 7-6-7-6 format nicely. I think your poem clearly expresses how someone can leave this world and enter a new one.

Good luck and keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
285
285
Review of girl at the edge  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Danica,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Thumbsup* I think your poem paints a picture of love, loss, and loneliness. There's a sad tale represented in this.

Black torture rises through the rippling water
With the waves crashing in the sea
*Note* I think by cutting the word "the" out it makes the lines read smoother. Also, consider a small change here:
*Idea* Black torture rises through rippling water,
crashing the waves across the sea

The wind gusts in to her curly brown hair
*Bullet* into her curly

Waiting to wrap his arms around her
Bringing her into the land of mist
*Note* Something sounds off with the tenses here. How about something like:
*Idea* Waiting to wrap his arms around her
until she's brought into the land of mist

Write on!
~ Lexi
286
286
Review of The Long Haul  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thaddeus,
*Thumbsup* This made me chuckle! I like that you used this title and then penned a poem that relates to the topic nicely! The picture you painted of this family is quite a hoot!

*Note* The only suggestions I have for you are to change the semi-colons to commas:
2nd line, first stanza and last line, 5th stanza
*Up* I suggest this because both parts aren't complete sentences, and that's what semi-colons connect.

Write on!
~ Lexi
287
287
Review of Cadbury's Quest  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Amy,
I saw that you posted in "The Forum (SC2)" . I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Note1* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think you did a good job in following the scenario. I like how nonchalant the voice of your character came off in your introduction to Larry. He seemed real and like an Average Joe just because of that.

*Thumbsup* I like your physical description of Larry. I was able to envision him through your words. Though he seems a bit unsure of himself, he's still presented as likable and approachable.

*Thumbsup* You tell the back story to Michelle and Larry's friendship, and that shows the strength of Darren and Michelle's relationship. The idea that Darren chose to accept Larry as a friend says a lot about his character.

*Thumbsup* In the later part of your story, I was drew in by the accidental
press of the button because you ended it with something that hooks the reader. I am curious to see what happens now that Larry is inside the bubble. This story has the ability to go anywhere!

*Note1* Suggestions:
That’s how I ended up in the hydraulic seals racket in the first place; since it provides free weekends which I’ve taken advantage of in my quest to be a singer/songwriter/guitar player.
*Bullet* Consider omitting your semi-colon here since a complete sentences isn't what follows. Also, I would think about changing up some of the wording just a bit:
*Idea*I ended up in the hydraulic seals racket in the first place since it provides free weekends, which I’ve taken advantage of in my quest to be a musician.

Of course like all dreams mine became my hobby as I spend most of my time toiling for my condo’s mortgage payment.
*Bullet* Consider placing a few commas in this sentence and changing the tenses up so it's more consistent:
*Idea* Of course, all my dreams become my hobby, as I spend most of my time toiling for my condo’s mortgage payment.

time after Jacobs discourse
*Up* In order to show possession:
*Bullet* Jacob's discourse

Amazed I leaned in
*Bullet* Amazed, (comma) I

Looking out I could see Michelle’s
*Bullet* Looking out, (comma) I

Great work and Write on!
~ Lexi
288
288
Review of EASY LIES  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Khalish,
I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Thumbsup* In this poem, I think you send out a message that is pretty important. You show how one lie leads to another lie; it almost becomes a part of someone's natural reaction. Honesty is something to be valued. Nice job!

*Note* One quick suggestion:
*Idea*In your second stanza/second line consider changing your period to a comma there. The lines that follow sound like a continuation of that particular thought.


Thank you for entering round 37 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on,
~ Lexi
289
289
Review of FOLLOW ME  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sherri,
I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Thumbsup* I think that this is the type of poem that can be enjoyed by all ages. You may want to list this under the children's genre, since it also reads like a fairytale*Smile*

*Thumbsup* Good use of imagery and description, which helped me gain a mental picture.

*Note1* One quick idea...
You’ll see fairies and other creatures there,
a wonderful world that knows no despair.
*Bullet* The double sound of "knows/no" kind of threw me off a bit. Also, the word "wonderful" is fine and I do like the alliteration, but when I read this line this is what keeps popping into my head:
*Idea*You’ll see fairies and other creatures there,
a whimsical world without despair.


Thank you for entering round 37 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
290
290
Review of Nearly An Angel  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lou,
I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Thumbsup* Awwe, this is super sweet. Your words make it easy to imagine what it must feel like for you to be away from your child. I think you did a wonderful job in showing moments cherished as well as moments lost. This definitely tugged my heart strings. Nicely done!


Thank you for entering round 37 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
291
291
Review of After Thoughts  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Thaddeus! Thank you for entering round 36 of "Invalid Item" . I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note1* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think the title you chose suits your poem nicely.

*Thumbsup* I like that you took on the challenge of the mono-rhyme. It's not an easy thing to accomplish, especially for a poem of this length. One thing I noticed was that in your first stanza, your second and last lines differ in rhyme compared to the rhyme used throughout the rest of the poem.


*Note1* Suggestions:
In a quick blink, of staring eyes,
A gush of hot wind snuffed the flame.
*Bullet* Consider changing the punctuation here. I think it sounds much better when there's not a pause after the word "of". In my opinion, the commas really aren't needed:
*Idea* In a quick blink of staring eyes
A gush of hot wind snuffed the flame.

Way back when, I was just a tot.
What we wished for is often naught.
Confused but wait; I'm the hotshot!
Birthday wishes, are after thoughts.
*Bullet* I think if you change the plural word to a singular tense it keeps better flow with the mono-rhyme. Also, I would change a bit of the punctuation here. Semi-colons are used to connect two related and complete sentences, so consider something like this:
*Idea* Way back then I was just a tot,
What I wished for was often naught,
Confused but wait, I'm the hotshot!
Birthday wishes are an after thought.


I hope to see you next round! So sorry that this entry was too late to qualify.
~ Lexi
292
292
Review of Begining  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Red Butterfly,
Hi there and welcome to Writing.Com! I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.

*Note1* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think that your poem shows what it can be like to have someone you love quickly change. When the person is in your life, everything is wonderful, but without that person it's easy to feel lost and confused.

*Thumbsup* Nice use of imagery and metaphors! It allowed me to gain a mental picture. Also, I like that you send a positive message in this. It can feel like it's impossible to love again after a break up, but you show that in time anything possible.

*Note1* Suggestions:
Title- Begining
*Bullet* Beginning

The harsh light of day pulls at my skin
Without you here it burns away
Leaving my dreams suffocating within the dense air
*Bullet* Consider omitting a few filler words here. I think by doing that it'll improve the flow and imagery. Also, I would add some punctuation to show natural pauses:
*Idea* The harsh light of day pulls my skin
Without you here, it burns away,
Leaving my dreams suffocating in dense air

You are my shade.
Bending the sun so I won't have to hide
*Bullet* You have a period here, but the next line continues the thought. The second line becomes a fragment if you keep the period there. Think about replacing your period with a comma.

Life roars loudly in my ears.
My unease surfaces.
*Bullet* Your lines show that unexpected things can shake stability here, but something sounds awkward when reading it aloud. How about changing the second part:
*Idea* Life roars loudly in my ears,
uneasing my surfaces.

Tears not falling causing pain.
*Bullet* Currently, this line is a fragment. If you do something like the following, then it becomes a complete thought:
*Idea* My unshed tears cause me pain.

I'll take a breath and count to ten.
Face the flame of the harsh light
Softly smile as I near the beginning again.
*Bullet* I think a few minor changes in wording and punctuation gives your poem a stronger finish:
*Idea* I'll take a breath and count to ten,
Face the flame of the harsh light,
smiling to know I'm beginning again.

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
293
293
Review of The Little Voice  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
JerrittAnne,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome.


*Note* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think you did a good job in showing the struggle between the girl and her demons. It was back and forth, almost like a seesaw. She was caught in a difficult place to be. Good work!

*Thumbsup* I'm curious where you are going to take this story now that the girl has had an episode. I am wondering if you'll focus on her healing, or if you'll focus on the father's issues. Will we eventually know where this all stems from?

*Thumbsup* Nice added twist in the later part of your story. I liked that you implied that John, the father, had the same thing happening in his head. It was an unexpected and believable occurrence.


*Note* Suggestions:
*Paragraph* 1
bathroom mirror, watching her self.
*Bullet* herself

*Paragraph* 4
What's stopping you know?
*Bullet* What's stopping you now?

*Paragraph* 5
My parents will be heart broken
*Bullet* heartbroken

She opened her medicine cabinet and pulled a bottle of prescription meds down and opened the top.
*Bullet* Instead of using a form of the word "open" twice here and using the word "and" as a connector two times:
*Idea* She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled down a bottle of prescription meds while popping the off the lid.

*Paragraph* 6
The look at you like you're a monster.
*Bullet* They look at you

*Paragraph* 7
How can you fight somehthing that you can't see?
*Bullet* something
The voice verbarated all around her.
*Bullet* vibrated
realized that she had somehow been pulled inide her own head.
*Bullet* Consider omitting "own" here since her implies it's already her own:
*Idea* inside her head

*Paragraph* 8
immediatley shoved back by an invisible force
*Bullet* immediately

*Paragraph* 9
I want to have you're body
*Bullet* your body
*Up* because you don't mean "you are".

*Paragraph* 12
the mother saw her daughter's body compulsing
*Bullet* Consider making a few changes and switching a few things around:
*Idea* the mother saw her daughter's convulsing body

*Paragraph* 16
The daughter just stared at him in an awkard manner.
*Bullet* awkward


Last *Paragraph*
John shook his head, clearing the thought out.
*Bullet*Instead of ending this sentence with a preposition, how about something like:
*Idea*John shook his head, clearing his thoughts.


*Idea* Consider using italics or a different color when you're using the dialogue for the voice. I think that way the readers will never question whose doing the talking. I think it'll make a big difference for your story.

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
294
294
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dennis,

*Thumbsup* I can definitely hear this being sung! There's a bluesy feeling to this as well as classic country rock. Your words sent a mental picture to my mind. I was able to envision this "witchy" woman and the things she's capable of doing! Your rhythm and pace flowed smoothly. Nice work and pretty creative idea!

Good luck in "Invalid Item" *Smile*
~ Lexi
295
295
Review of The Valley  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Connor,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome*Smile*

*Note* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Nice ABAB consistent rhyme pattern. Also, I thought "canyon/abandon" imperfect rhyme was unique.

*Thumbsup* You have a great way of using imagery and metaphors in this poem! You showed me depression and distraught in pictures, rather than simply stating it!

*Note* Suggestions:
Broken souls on empty rails
lines of empty cars going nowhere
*Bullet* Instead of using the adjective "empty" twice consider a substitution word that means the same thing. This way it doesn't sound repetitive:
*Idea* Broken souls on empty rails
lines of vacant cars going nowhere

People broken into twisted parts
*Bullet* Consider using a different word besides "broken" here since you've used it to describe something else previously:
*Idea* People fractured into twisted parts
*Idea* People tangled into twisted parts


Sadness on them like a crushing stone
spirit trapped in draperies of chain
*Bullet* Think about changing this up a bit. Also, since you refer to "them" (more than one) I think "spirit" should be plural. I think something like this sends a more mental picture:
*Idea* Sadness crushed them like a heavy stone
*Idea* Wearing sadness like a crushing stone
*Up* trapped in draperies of chain is a great way to show despair, excellent metaphor!

*Thumbsup* Again, I really think you did an impressive job in showing emotions throughout your poem! Even though, you have never experienced this personally it came through like you have. Nicely done!!

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
296
296
Review of The Lady  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Stimpy! Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope my comments and suggestions are welcome*Smile*

*Note* Comments:
*Thumbsup* I love the interplay with nature here! It could be taken as a direct approach in meaning, or it could be something you used as symbolism to describe someone in your life. You may not have intended for it to go both ways, but it works really well in either case!

*Note* Suggestions:
Her brush is that of creation,
her touch of God above.
*Question* This confused me. The word "brush" here seems like a noun, almost meaning a hairbrush. Also, there seems to be a lot of filler words in these two lines. I really think if you omit them and just say it directly it will sound much better:
*Idea* The brush of her hand is creation,
her touch is from God above.

she sets afire the seas.
*Bullet* Consider switching the two ideas around here. It seems more natural in sound:
*Idea* she sets the seas afire

To set a light within our hearts,
she does with such great ease
*Bullet* I really think if you change the two lines up a bit and alter their places, then the lines flow more smoothly into one another:
*Idea* With such great ease,
she sets a light within our hearts

But foul and terrible she may be,
if you dare incur her fury,
that if you cross her angry path,
you shall perish almost surely.
*Bullet* I really think a few alterations in word placement and a few changes would make more sense in meaning here:
*Idea* She's foul and terrible
when you dare incur her fury;
if you cross her angry path
you shall surely perish.

*Bullet* I think your poem has some good imagery! I just think they'll get noticed more if you cut out some of the fillers. Doing that brings the focus right to the vivid scenes!

I'd be happy to take another look if you decide to make any changes.
Write on!
~ Lexi
297
297
Review of TWILIGHT HAUNTING  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
CountryMom,
I hope you don't mind my comments.

*Note1* Comments:
*Thumbsup* Your poem speaks of a chilling tale! I totally didn't see the ending coming even though, which was a creepy surprise! I'm not sure where the inspiration came from, but I really think this was a great topic for the title.

*Note1* Suggestions:
A bitter memory of what happened
as twilight begged for night's darkness,
*Bullet* I like the stanza and where the poem leads afterward, but it seemed like an action was missing between "happened" and "as".
*Idea* A bitter memory of what happened
lingered as twilight begged for night's darkness,


Thank you for entering round 36 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
298
298
Review of Blessed Be  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hell*Angelic*
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note2* Comments:
*Bullet* Kudos to you for making a note at the bottom of the poem. I'm not familiar with the word "drusy" so it was nice to have the meaning provided.

*Bullet* Your use of description and imagery was very apparent. Also, I think you did a good job in your use of personification!

*Note2* Suggestions:
Pray in the dawn to the rising Sun;
Spilling blues on the drusy sky.
*Bullet* Semi-colons connect two related and complete sentences. Throughout your poem you use semi-colons, but the lines aren't in complete form. They are fragments when read alone. Think about changing the semi-colon to a comma here.

Pray in the dusk to the rising Moon;
Smiling white in the ink of night.
Bask within Her chilly glow;
Singing wind on skin your true insight
*Bullet* I am all for imagery and love the visions your poem gives me, but I'm a bit confused by your last line. I can't seem to decipher the meaning.
*Idea*Consider changing the semi-colons to commas. Although, you could keep the semi-colons and they would be correct if you did something like this:
Pray in the dusk to the rising Moon;
it smiles white in the ink of night.

As ancestors wend to each shimmering end;
Exhale a silvery skein to the old.
*Bullet* Consider changing the semi-colon to a comma.

Thank you for entering round 36 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck! Please be sure to keep your eyes open for the next round.
~ Lexi
299
299
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
MC Gupta,
Thank you for entering round 36 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note* Comments:
*Bullet* I found this quite clever! I like the scientific and spiritual approach. I thought that the rhyming scheme and word choices were great! Quite catchy in sound*Smile*

*Note* Suggestions:
Do they arise from within,
Or, come from far away
*Bullet* Consider omitting the comma after the word "or" here.
Scientists may scoff at it,but,
*Bullet* Think about only using one comma here and placing a space between the comma and the word:
*Idea* Scientists may scoff at it, but


Really nice work here!
Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
300
300
Review of Black Isn't  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
ProsperousSnow,
Thank you for entering round 36 of "Invalid Item"  and good luck. I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note* Comments:
*Bullet* Normally, the color black is associated with darkness and death. It's great to see a totally different take on that. I think that your poem has some lovely imagery, which allowed me to envision through your piece.

*Note* Suggestions:
Black isn’t total darkness,
but the midnight sky glistening
with the bright glory
of distant stars.
*Bullet* Consider making a few changes in the last stanza. I think that a change in line break, wording, and punctuation makes the imagery a bit stronger.
*Idea*Black isn’t total darkness;
it's the midnight sky
glistening in bright glory,
swimming with the distant stars.

Please keep your eyes open for the next round.
Write on!
~ Lexi
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