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1,480 Public Reviews Given
3,415 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest, but kind and encouraging. I will offer ideas if something strikes me.
I'm good at...
Poetry is my first love.
Favorite Genres
relationship, romance, drama, and things which break the heart
I will not review...
I don't have the proper time to review novels, chapters, and things of that nature. Plus, they aren't my strongest suit. I'm not comfortable with critiquing items that I couldn't create, but I have a great appreciation/envy for those who can*Smile*
Public Reviews
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376
376
Review of Closet Doors  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thaddeus,
I hope you don't mind my comments & suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You tell a story through this poem that's touching to the heart. It's a sad but true fact that kids can be punished this way. I like that you ended this on more of a positive note though.

Oh the monsters I made up, when I was a child
Some closet doors are made, to punish naughty kids.
But clothes kept getting larger, in my closet doors
*Up* The commas aren't needed here. It seems to make the lines not flow as smoothly as they should because it gives an awkward pause. Also, consider one minor change in this line:
*Idea* Oh, the monsters I created

Thank you for entering round 33 of "Invalid Item"  & good luck! Keep your eyes open for the next round*Smile*
~ Lexi
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
377
377
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Pretty Vacant,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6*Suggestions & Comments:
*Bullet* You fused emotions into this piece and showed that things aren't always what they appear.

*Bullet* You use apostrophes in some of your words, but not in all the places they are needed. You might want to take another look at that. Also, consider capitalizing words such as "I" and "I'm". It really makes a big difference in your presentation.

Leaving me tingling enough to break bones,
*Up* When I think of the word "tingle" it doesn't seem like a word that would cause enough anger to "break bones". How about:
*Idea*violent or bitter

that im gna be all alone
*Up* I assume you mean "gonna" here

Anger at the people that holding grudges, spreading lies
Anger at the people making wasps and hornets out of flies
*Bullet* Something is throwing me off here. Consider trying:
*Idea* Angry at the people who are holding grudges, spreading lies
Angry at the people who make wasps and hornets out of flies

Write on!
~ Lexi
378
378
Review of the laptop  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey Hippie Girl,
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Suggestions & Comments:
*Bullet* Consider taking the centering off of your story. It's a bit difficult for the eyes to follow when you center a story because it gives it the format of a poem. Also, double spacing in between your paragraphs really improves the look of your story.

*Bullet* You should capitalize your titles, names, and the word "I".

brief description- nmed
*Bullet* named
corn beef
*Bullet* corned beef- unless you were doing that for the sake of the dialogue.

*Bullet* In your story it sounds like Martin has a difficult life. He's an outsider where he currently is living, so I'm curious what's going to happen to him once they move. This actually could be a good change for him. His character could grow from the change. I'm interested in seeing where you take this next!

*Question* I'm wondering why Martin's parents think this change might be hard for Martin. Are they aware of how unhappy he is now?

Write on!
~ Lexi
379
379
Review of Food for Thought?  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nakmeister,

*Thumbsup* I really like the comedic approach you took here, and thought you had a clever title to support your theme.

*Note6* There are a few suggestions I have for you. I hope you don't mind.
I would like to introduce you to a word,
It’s quite likely you have never heard
*Bullet* When I read the second part of this line it sounds a bit unfinished. How about a few small changes:
*Idea* It's quite likely it's something you haven't heard

You’ll know many words, silly and sensible,
But how about the word comestible?
The first have of this line speaks in the future tense (you will know), but that's not consistent with the rest of your poem. An easy solution would be:
*Idea*You know many words are silly and sensible,

*Thumbsup* This gave a good giggle! Also, it's a word lesson for those that are unfamiliar with the term. Nice job!

Write on!
~ Lexi
380
380
Review of Postcards  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.5)
T.L.

*Thumbsup* I really love this idea! There's something sentimental about old letters and postcards, so I can appreciate the story. Your first and fourth stanzas flow smoothly and make this stand out.

*Note6* There is one small suggestion I have for you, but it's fairly minor. In your second stanza you say:
time, slower as it passed
*Bullet* Consider changing "slower" to slowed, or adding something before "slower", possibly:
*Idea* time drifted slower as it passed.
*Up* I think it works either way, but for some reason it doesn't seem to flow as naturally as the rest of your poem.

I hope you didn't mind the suggestion. I really do think this poem is lovely!
Write on,
~ Lexi
381
381
Review of "Just a Leaf"  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Barbarea,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think your ending really ties this piece together nicely. I thought that particular stanza flowed the best.

Tell me not
A sad goodbye
My fate to rot
Don't question why
*Up* Your third stanza seems a tad bit forced with the rhyming. Consider changing up a bit to help it sound smoother.
*Idea*How about:
I never want to hear
A long or sad goodbye,
though I might disappear.
Please don't question why.

Quite gorgous I"m told
*Bullet* gorgeous
*Up* You have a quotation mark where your apostrophe should be.

Write on!
~ Lexi
382
382
Review of Shadows  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Reanimated, Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Suggestions & Comments:
*Thumbsup* You do show sadness and loneliness very well through this piece. I think there are many people who have felt like they had no one to turn to, and you describe the emotions well in this.

Rain falls like tear drops
*Bullet* In this case "teardrops" is a closed compound.

*Down* You use the word "empty" three times in this poem. How about dressing it up a bit by finding a different word to use. If you are having trouble finding a substitution word the Ideanary is a great tool to use. It's located in your Site Navigator under Site Tools.
Footsteps echo down empty streets
*Idea* Footsteps echo down silent streets

Dark and empty inside
*Idea*Dark and vacant inside

Empty eyes staring out of shadows
*Idea* Lonely eyes staring out of shadows

*Bullet* You might want to list this under a few different genres to help you gain exposure (emotional, drama, tragedy).

Write on!
~ Lexi
383
383
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jason,

Well, this is not your usual poll. I can only imagine what kind of comments you received from others about the current U.S. President.

Does Santa have enemies? He's crafty and caring. Also, I imagine he does wonders economically! Sounds like a good candidate to me*Laugh*

*Note1* One quick thing:
You misspelled character in your title and in your introduction.

Poll on!
~ Lexi
384
384
Review of Can't Fall  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there! Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I like the different steps to this. It's like the reader gets to explore through the journey of your life. Also, I think that you show a lot of emotions that are familiar to many of us.

*Note6* Suggestions & Spelling:
And that is what I can't bare
*Bullet* bear
*Up* "Bare" refers to nakedness.

In a herse
*Bullet*hearse

I will charish you
*Bullet* cherish

Nothings gone
*Bullet* Nothing's
*Up* Because you mean "nothing is gone".

I am a man
Of the age of 16
*Bullet* I think something like this works a bit smoother here:
*Idea* I may seem young at sixteen,
but I'm already a man

Liver of past lives
Taker of many pains
*Bullet* I think "Liver" is really throwing me off of this line. How about something a bit softer there:
*Idea* I've lived past lives,
tormented by the pain

Write on!
~ Lexi
385
385
Review by Lexi
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Ysabel,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind me offering my comments and a few suggestions to you.

*Note6* Suggestions & Comments:
*Idea* You may want to list this under a few more genres to help gain exposure (relationship, emotional, drama).

*Thumbsup* I like the connection between the different emotions. It's like following an emotional journey. Also, I think the stages are a natural happening. Each step seems like it follow in that order.

A soft breeze stirs
Glints of honey and gold
*Bullet* I understand what you mean here, but "glints" seems like such a harsh word to use in this particular line:
*Idea*A soft breeze stirs
morsels of honey and gold
*Idea*A soft breeze stirs
with whispers of honey and gold

Something primitive stirs within me
Cries out for your touch
Refusing to be silenced
*Bullet* Something seems awkward here, but I think this makes it sound a lot better:
*Idea* Something stirs within me,
Crying out for your touch,
Refusing to be silenced

They depths stimulate my senses
*Question* Did you mean:
*Idea* The depths

An accidental touch disturbs all logic
Tangles my thoughts, steals my breath
Confusing powers of reason
*Bullet* It seems to flow better if you make a few changes:
*Idea* An accidental touch disturbs all logic,
Tangling my thoughts, stealing my breath,
Confusing powers of reason

Your voice dances on its echoes
Caresses my flesh, haunts my dreams
Vexing at shattered nerves
*Bullet* Again, I think that if you change this it helps the progression of the poem:
*Idea* Your voice dances on echoes,
Caressing my flesh, haunting my dreams,
Vexing at shattered nerves

*Bullet* I think that you have a good start here and these few suggestions brings the poem out a bit more. It's more consistent in using tenses. I hope to read more of your work. Let me know if you make any changes. I'd be happy to take another look.

Write on and Happy Thanksgiving!
~ Lexi
386
386
Review of The last love  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Writn Girl,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.


*Note6* Suggestions, Spelling, & Comments:
*Thumbsup* Wow! I really didn't see that twist coming! The last thing On my mind was that she had a child and a love that had died. I just assumed they broke up. You did a really nice job there. I think it's great that you didn't reveal everything in the beginning because it lets it be a surprise for the reader.

*Thumbsup* It'll be interesting to see what happens between Chloe and Caleb.

*Question* How will Caleb react after he finds out about Sami? Also, I wonder if you'll have the relationship grow between her and Cassie. I kind of feel bad for Chloe. Even though you haven't stated this yet, I feel like she may be the black sheep of the family.

. he was on the groung,
*Idea* Consider capitalizing the beginning of every new sentence.
*Bullet* ground

The old memories are haunting her in her dreams, and she can't escape them. It was time for a change, and her family agreed that moving would help the memories pass. She has lik a zombie for almost two years. All she does is sleep her pain away, but not when she goes to school. She even quit all of her after school activites, because she doesn't care about anything any more.
*Bullet* The tenses are inconsistent with the rest of your story:
*Idea*The old memories were haunting her in her dreams, and she couldn't escape them. It was time for a change, and her family agreed that moving would help the memories pass. She had liked a zombie for almost two years. All she did was sleep her pain away, except for when she went to school. She even quit all of her after school activities, because she didn't care about anything any more.

She feel like going to school, but her parents said she had to go.
*Bullet* She didn't feel like going to school, but her parents said she had to go.

As she wonders through the empty halls, she collides with someone and falls to the floor. Whoa, she thought, she looked up to she the person who ran in to her.
*Up* Your tenses changes throughout the paragraph and that gets a bit confusing.:
*Bullet* As she wandered through the empty halls, she collided with someone and fell to the floor. Whoa, she thought, she looked up to she the person who ran in to her.
*Up* "Wander" means to roam or walk about, but "wonder" means to think about.

to go to the office," she ased.
*Bullet* asked

turing brown in an instant
*Bullet* turning

The teacher to open the door, that's when she walked in
*Bullet* The teacher opened the door and that's when she walked in

Umm...okay," she hesistated
*Bullet* hesitated

She took his hand and said, "Goodbye Caleb," then walked away
*Bullet* You need a period at the end of your sentence.

he started to say, but she interupted him.
*Bullet* interrupted

and ran after her and grabed her arm
*Bullet* grabbed

Your welcome, I think I should Head home
*Bullet* You're welcome. I think I should head

but he stopped her with a perticular question
*Bullet* particular

Yes, now give my ipos back,"
*Bullet* ipod

on saturday," he siad and walked into the claasroom
*Bullet*on Saturday," he said and walked into the classroom
*Up* Consider capitalizing all your proper nouns (days of the week, God, English, etc.).

*Question* Will we find out how Sami's father died? It be interesting to find out some of Chloe's history with him. Was the relationship strong? Did he have a relationship with Sami, or did he pass away before the baby was born?

I look forward to checking out the next part of this story!
Keep writing and Happy Thanksgiving,
~ Lexi
387
387
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there, A*Smile*

*Thumbsup* I found this topic different from what I normally read, but I found parts of your story interesting. I think as the chapters go on the progression will become clearer. I do have a few things I noticed while reading this. I hope you don't mind my comments.

*Note6* Suggestions & Spelling:
As is custom whare I live, when my brother turned five my parents brought him straight to the seer.
*Bullet* where
*Bullet* Also, consider changing this sentence up a bit. It doesn't mesh as well as it could. Maybe two separate sentences would do the trick:
*Idea* When my brother turned five, my parents brought him to a seer. It's a custom where I live.

Every child at there fifth birthday, right before they started school, had to go and ask to see their destiny.
*Bullet* at their fifth
*Bullet* Also, something seems a bit awkward in this sentence. Perhaps just focus on the age or that it's right before school starts. How about something like:
*Idea* Before school started, every child visited the seer to have their destinies revealed.
the profacy after that day
*Bullet* prophecy
adventure like that was obserd
*Bullet* absurd
No one’s perfect, afterall
*Bullet* after all

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
388
388
Review of To My End  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Marcy,
I am back again! I hope you don't mind my comments.

*Note6* Suggestions, Spelling, & Comments:
*Thumbsup* I think that situations like these are common. A person falls for a friend, but that friend doesn't feel mutual. That's tough to deal with!
in the evilest of shemes
*Bullet* schemes
to be like a hand and a glove
*Bullet* Consider a hand in a glove in this line. It makes a stronger connection.
You told me you love me but as a friend
*Bullet* Think about making a few changes here. Also, your previous line is in a different tense and that can sound awkward.
*Idea* You told me you loved me only as a friend
As you closed your eyes while your head sways
*Bullet* This is inconsistent in your tenses. If you wanted to keep it this way then "sways" should be "swayed". Try this:
*Idea* As you close your eyes your heads sways
In denile that you're
*Bullet* denial
wrists, bandaged and red
*Bullet* wrists, bandaged, and red
it's to late to save me
*Bullet* too late

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
389
389
Review of Saddest Joy  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Marcy,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* Sometimes when we go through things our emotions don't hit us right away. They fester inside us and release when we don't always expect it. Your poem shows that.

*Note6* Suggestions & Spelling:
This was the begining
*Bullet* beginning
Apperantly none
*Bullet* Apparently
I was once happy and carefree
This has all gone on the count of three
*Bullet* The line is fine this way, but consider a few small changes. I really think it works better this way:
*Idea* Once I was happy and carefree,
It all disappeared on the count of three.
*Bullet* There's a few places where you didn't capitalize the word "I" and there are apostrophes missing in some of your word (didn't).

Write on!
~ Lexi
390
390
Review of Garden of Shadows  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (4.0)
D.C.,
I immediately clicked on this when I read the title because I have read many books by Andrews, including the book you have based this on. I think that you do a good job in showing John's character. I do have a few ideas for you. I hope you don't mind my comments.

*Note6* Suggestions, Spelling, & Comments:
*Idea* Consider double spacing in between your paragraphs. It's easier on the reader's eyes.
*Idea* Since this is an alternate ending to Andrew's book you may want to list this under fanfiction.
he interruped, finishing my sentence
*Bullet* interrupted
regret my decsion
*Bullet* decision
*Bullet* Consider capitalizing your proper nouns like "Foxworth Hall".
"I think that's what God would really want and I do not, nor will not regret my decsion."
*Bullet* I had to read this dialogue a few times before I understood what you meant. The end of this made me stumble in thought.
*Idea*" I think that's what God would really want and I do not, nor will I ever regret my decision."

*Thumbsup* If you decide to write anything else using one of Andrew's books as a source for inspiration, I'd be interested in checking it out!

Write on!
~ Lexi
391
391
Review of Heart of Steel  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Rivka,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note6* Comments & Suggestion:
*Bullet* Sometimes people fall for someone they shouldn't. It's not until after the heartache and mess that they realize it was just a mistake. Your poem addresses issues that plenty of people have experienced.

*Bullet* Title- Hear of Steal
*Bullet* Heart of Steel
*Up* "Steal" means to take something without permission.

*Bullet* Brief description- Heart broken
*Bullet* Heartbroken

You singing things that gave me love
*Bullet* Something about this line seems awkward, but I think something like this makes it work better:
*Idea* You sang songs, giving me love.
*Idea* You sang things that gave me love.

Seeing you walk through that door
It struck me with a pain,
A pain I've never felt before
*Bullet* If you cut out the repetition the line still gives the same message and it sounds less redundant.
*Idea* Seeing you walk through the door
struck me with a pain
I've never felt before

My heart it thumps
*Bullet* Lines such as this read much better when you just state what your heart does.
*Idea* My heart thumps

I seldom say pray tell me when
*Bullet* In a line like this you really need a comma because your thoughts run into one another, and it starts to not make sense.
*Bullet* I seldom say pray, tell me when

*Bullet* There's a few places where you forgot apostrophes:
wont
*Bullet* won't

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
392
392
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Mask,
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I think it will be interesting to see what happens during this battle. I am wondering which sides the characters will take, and if something will happen which will cause them to change sides.

*Note6* Spelling:
Princess Merra exclamed as Lauren
*Bullet*exclaimed
her usual sarcasim
*Bullet* sarcasm
put her philosiphy aside
*Bullet* philosophy
My intial plan
*Bullet* initial
Rantros said curoiusly
*Bullet* curiously
we see eachother
*Bullet*each other

*Note6* Suggestions:
*Idea* You should list this under a few genres to help you gain exposure (fantasy, war, drama).
*Question* Your title says "Water Vegeance ". Did you mean "Water Vengeance"?

Now the dragon symbol stood where the darkness seal had once.
*Up* I think the sentence sounds much better if you say what the darkness seal had once done.
*Idea* Now the dragon symbol replaced where the darkness seal had once stood.
"Lauren," Said Rantros
*Bullet* said Rantros

*Star* I look forward to checking out the later chapters.
Write on!
~ Lexi
393
393
Review of Face to Facve  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Craftor,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Thumbsup* I think you chose a topic where you can tell a chilling story. I like the twist in the ending. I didn't see that coming, although it does make perfect sense!

*Note6* Spelling:
Title- Face to Facve
*Bullet* Face
blackest heart and diemented mind.
*Bullet* demented
traped inside him
*Bullet* trapped
line infront of him
*Bullet* in front
his time with makeing sure
*Bullet* making
last minute they could bare
*Bullet* bear
has all but turned gary
*Bullet* gray
cold blue eyes stareing
*Bullet* staring
only an image in a morrior
*Bullet* mirror

*Note6* Suggestions:
Here I stand face to face with a convict that has brutally murdered 6 people and they say he did it with a smile on his face.
*Bullet* This is far too long without punctuation. It becomes a run-on sentence. Also, consider a few minor changes in the wording.
*Idea* I stand here, face to face with a convict that has brutally murdered six people. They say he did it with a smile on his face.

As I stand here looking into his cold blue eyes an insight into his blackest heart and diemented mind.
*Up* In the sentence right before it you already pointed out that you were "standing here". Also, this isn't a complete thought because you don't give an action to these things. An easy fix would be:
*Idea* Looking into his cold blue eyes I can see into his black heart and demented mind.

I see a flicker of light in one eye like a soul of one of those that he murder was traped inside him screaming for help from within only to fall on deaf ears.
*Up* I think this works better if you separate this into a few sentences, and stay consistent with the same tense.
*Idea*I see a flicker of light in my eyes, reminding me of the lost soul he murdered. It was trapped inside him screaming for help, but the sounds only fell on deaf ears.

He'll never see the chair to many in line infront of him for that instead he'll died from
*Question* I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to say here. I don't know if you mean that he'll see the faces of the people he killed, or if he'll see the faces of those on death row. Consider revising this sentence a bit so the meaning will be clearer.

*Bullet* There's a few places where you didn't capitalize the beginning of your sentences.
*Bullet* Add a few more genres to this to help you gain exposure (thriller/suspense, death).
*Bullet* You have a good theme and idea here. I just think your story needs a little polishing. I'd be happy to take another look if you make any changes.

Write on!
~ Lexi
394
394
Review of A MEMORY IN TIME.  
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey Braddock!
I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note6*Comments & Suggestions:
*Bullet* I think you have a good topic here, but I'm left wanting to know what is the treasures you are talking about throughout this poem. How about adding a stanza that lets the reader in on your findings?

A gift from a life
Passed through four hands to my keep
*Up* Think about omitting "my" here. I sounds much better without it.

It continues to breath
Yet no life it contains
*Bullet* breathe
*Up* Also, consider switching the wording around in the second line. It seems a bit awkward like it is now.
*Idea*Yet it doesn't contain life

righteous ones grasp
*Bullet* one's
For my hand it's not mean't
*Question* It took me a few minutes to decipher the meaning here. Try something like this to help it become clearer:
*Bullet* It's not meant for my hand

Write on!
~ Lexi
395
395
Review of Fallen Captive  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Psycho,
Welcome to Writing.Com! I hope you don't mind my comments or suggestions.

*Note5* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* Your words present some wild and dark images. I like that you attempted to use some alliteration here.
*Bullet* In line ten you say: Cradle my tears on you cheeks. I think you meant: Cradle my tears on your cheeks
*Bullet* Line 11- You say: Breath with me. It should be: Breathe with me

Write on!
~ Lexi
396
396
Review of The Napkin.  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
BobbyPin,
I thought I'd come back again. I hope you don't mind.

*Note2* Comments and Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* You made it a bit more saucy by adding some of the things you'd notice in a setting like this. There's emotional sides to this, but according to each character they are for different reasons.

*Thumbsup* Nice imagery in the third stanza! It gives me a sense of uneasiness and confusion.

The resturant flooded
*Bullet*restaurant

Write on!
~ Lexi
397
397
Review by Lexi
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Bobbypin,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note5* Comments & Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* I think that your poem explains the emotions people have when they have crushes. I like how you describe the visions you have of her.

*Thumbsup* I found your title both interesting and appropriate. It's what attracted me to read this.

*Idea* I noticed that you have this listed under poetry, but it's more of a prose. You may want to consider listing this under prose instead.

I want to take your thin hand and run away.
*Up* You use "thin" to describe lips in the previous line, so how about trying something else that shows the same thing:
*Idea* slender hand

And then you came to find me in lunch, but I was in his arms, he only has my mind, how can I convince you that you have my heart?
*Bullet* Consider separating these a bit by changing up the punctuation. There's too much going on to have just one sentence.
*Idea* You came to find me in lunch, but I was in his arms. He only has my mind. How can I convince you that you have my heart?

I never wanted it to be this way, I saw you crying and it's never been the same.
*Bullet* Semicolons are used to separate two related and complete thoughts. Your comma should be a semicolon here.

I was am will always be confused
*Bullet* and will always be confused

Keep writing!
~ Lexi
398
398
Review of Everything  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Citylights,
I hope you don't mind my comments and suggestions.

*Note4* Comments and Suggestions:
*Thumbsup* Your words show the reflection of how dissatisfied
someone can be with their physical appearance, as well as who they are emotionally. I think that there are plenty of people who have been or are currently in situations like this.

The image I protray to others; for I know they are not blind
*Bullet* portray
*Up* Your semicolon should be a comma there. Semicolons separate two complete and related sentences.
With each ugly bite I take the regrets have clarity*Up* This line has everything running into one another. Without the proper punctuation the message gets lost.
*Idea* With each ugly bite I take, the regrets have clarity.

Write on!
~ Lexi
399
399
Review of Hurt  
Review by Lexi
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hey Sweetie,
When you love someone it can be hard to shut the door when you know that's the best thing to do.

*Note5* Spelling & Typos:
feeling vunderable
*Bullet*vulnerable
You ndon't show
*Bullet*don't
But it's becuase
*Bullet*because
care for yo,
*Bullet*you

*Note5*Suggestions:
*Idea* You should list under the teen genre as well. I think a lot of teens will be able to relate to this kind of relationship.
*Idea* Consider capitalizing the word "I".

Everytime i take you back,
Does not matter what you do,
*Up* I think there's a smoother way to say this. How about:
*Idea* Every time I take you back,
No matter what you do.

I hope you don't mind my comments.
Write on!
~ Lexi
400
400
Review of Autumn  
Review by Lexi
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
SimplyMe,
I hope you don't mind my suggestions or comments.

*Thumbsup* I like the metaphorical meaning and your dark approach.
*Note4* Suggestions:
*Bullet* You begin every line with "I" except for one. How about spicing it up a bit so the reader isn't expecting what's coming next. You can still keep the same idea:
I am autumn crawling closer
I bring cool breazes and peaceful sleep.
I am the hand that gives and takes,
I am death, cominng at a slow creep.
*Idea*I am autumn crawling closer,
bringing cool breezes and peaceful sleep.
My two hands continue to give and take
while carrying death at a slow creep.
*Up* Consider changing it up a bit like this so it's not repetitive.

*Note4*Spelling/Grammar:
Title- Autuem
*Bullet*Autumn
cool breazes
*Bullet*breezes
cominng at a slow
*Bullet*coming
the oneeveryone
*Bullet*one everyone

Write on!
~ Lexi
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