Oh my god, this could actually be one of the most horrible things I have ever read in my life. Talk about a rivalry gone too far. I would have never guessed you would take it there.
I absolutely love how you started the piece with Jimmy leaving an as of yet unknown female's bed. The genus of that is the reader is immediately guessing who she is and even once Billy enters the picture I am still thinking that she might be the mysterious client being discussed. Nothing is clear until the last minute when Jimmy walks out the door. Brilliant!
The pacing and narration of the story are excellent. You caught my attention from the first line and it never wavered until the last gruesome word. The action and flow are nonstop and easy to follow.
Another beautiful thing about this piece is how your sympathies constantly swing back and forth between these two deranged individuals. That is just amazing. At first I thought Jimmy was just an ass then as the story progresses I realize they are both messed up and by the end I feel so sorry for him. Both of them are beyond pitiful. I doubt there have ever been two more broken men.
Overall, I just loved this tale. It's like a War of the Roses between friends instead of a married couple but even more disturbing. The characters are rich and colorful albeit INSANE but they are brilliantly written none-the-less. Well done! Thanks for entering and I can't wait to read more from you in the future.
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I have very mixed emotions about this poem. I like it but at the same time there is something about the structure that is putting me off.
I like that the poem is so thought provoking and moving. The statements are powerful insights into the thoughts and motivations of this couple but at the same time the format of the poem is distracting to me at least.
The story part of the poem is very poignant and moving which is my favorite part. I appreciate the tragedy and sadness of the situation.
Overall, I like the poem. There is much more positive about it then not. I just think that this particular style makes the reader work a little harder to get it. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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This is a lovely poem. The sentiment is so honest and sweet. It is very touching. The imagery is excellent and I love how you include all the senses not just sight. Well done.
I would be beyond flatter if this poem was written about me. It is truly inspiring. I also like that is it sincere without being earnest or sappy. Bravo.
Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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This is just so brutally raw and open. I don't know what to say. I can feel the anguish the narrator is going through and it is powerful. I feel sorry for the voice of this poem. If your objective is to move someone with your words, then you have succeeded. Well done.
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Wow, poetry too huh? You certainly have a knack for uh how to say it... scaring the crap out of people! Everything you write is just so real in your face and unabashed. You just matter-of-factly tell the reader how helpless they are to stop you and you are so sweet about it. It makes for a truly frightening experience. Well done.
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I love your style. I swear it's like having a conversation with Vincent Price. It is very unique and refreshing. I can honestly say I have never read anything similar.
This was just great. I really liked it. So you just earned a spot as one of favorites as well. Thanks for the ride, it was a trip!
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Wow, what a wonderfully accurate depiction of a Halloween night. This poems brings back such fond memories of Halloweens past. I love it very much.
Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays and it is so much fun for the children. I love passing out candy and seeing all their happy faces when they get their treats.
I feel truly sorry for the narrator of this poem when the jerky teens smash his pumpkin. It really is a typical Halloween prank but not one of the endearing ones.
Overall, I really really enjoyed this poem. Thank you so much for sharing it. I can't wait to see what you write next. Bravo!
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What a lovely sweet poem. I am sure your partner treasures it. You are truly fortunate to have someone so special and such a wonderful relationship. My hubby and I have been happily married for 27 years so I know how incredible it is to find your soul mate.
You genuinely feel as though you have and will go through time with them. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Bravo.
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Wow, great lyrics. I love songs that tell a story and this one certainly tells a dark and tragic tale. I like it very much. The chorus is especially catchy. Skeletons and monsters elicit such vivid imagines of horror. Nice symbolism, well done.
My only criticism is that it is kind of unclear exactly what happened in the woods. It is enough just to know it was bad but still it might had even more drama if you clarify what crime was committed. I'm imagining rape or murder so maybe it is better just left up to the imagination. Your call just something to think about.
Overall, I enjoyed this very much and I would really like to hear it put to music. I think you have a hit. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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I just wanted to commend you for hosting this forum and this wonderful contest. I am the wife of a retired Army soldier and mother of an active duty Airwoman so I know how important it is to honor our servicemen. And you do it well. Thank you for that. Well done and keep up the good work!
This is a beautifully inspiring poem. I like it very much. The depth of sincerity with which you describe your school days is so heartfelt and reminiscent that it brings a tear to the eye. Well done.
You do an exceptional job of sharing a window of your experience with the reader and eliciting nostalgia. I enjoyed this trip down memory lane very much. Thank you. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Wow, what a story. This story is so original. I have never read anything like it. Not to mention it goes beyond creepy straight into terrifying.
I like everything about this story. I love how twisted everything is, like you think the apparition is evil and the kid is sweet BUT is that the case? NO! Excellent job.
Also the bit with the kid's real name is just profound. It took me several minutes to get it even after it was explained. I'm slow like that. Again, well done.
Overall, great piece. You build suspense well, the characters are great and original. The story is just unreal and frightening. Bravo!
I really enjoyed this piece and look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Okay, this is just about an absolute perfect zombie story. I am giving you 5 stars anyway because it is soooo close. The ONLY thing wrong with this piece is that you misspelled Romero! That's a tough one to overlook but the rest of the story is so on point I am.
You did everything right with this piece. You build suspense from the very beginning with your main trapped in a shed. And the tension just builds and builds with each passing incident.
Your descriptions of what is going on are so clear and concise I feel like I just watched a good zombie movie. Well done.
It's true that there is not a lot of story here but you know what? That is keeping true to the genre. Most zombies stories don't have a lot of in depth plot lines. I mean look at Max Brooks books World War Z is really just blurbs from various survivors and his other great work is a survival manual for pete's sake. So I don't hold the thin story line against you.
I think that the action and tension and just out and out frantic fun of this piece more than makes up for any short comings.
That bit with the zombie mother was just too sweet by the way. I loved that. The character's reaction immediately afterwards is just insanely natural to me. Bravo.
Overall, this was a well deserved win on your part. Congratulations. I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Wow, what to say? This poem is so gloomy the feeling of hopelessness it conveys is overwhelming. If that is the sensation you are going for you achieved it in spades.
I can only imagine how wasted a life has to be to make Death remorseful. That is a true tragedy. Your language and pacing is quite lovely. There is a calm serenity to the piece that is almost comforting.
I actually found myself almost lulled into a lethargic state of mind while reading this. It really is very profound. Suicide is always a thought provoking subject. One that even gives Death cause to ponder. I like that you show a more personable grim reaper one with feelings and conscience.
Overall, I liked this poem very much in spite of the gloom. Life is not always rainbows and puppy dogs. Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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I have to tell you I am completely blown away by this lovely lovely poem. It is so beautiful. I love poems that tell a story and this one told the story of a woman that is just so special it actually brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.
Words cannot express how moved I am by this story. It is really extraordinary. Rarely does a poem or story touch me this deeply. This one truly did. Thank you so very much for sharing this with us. I loved it. I will recommend it to everyone I know. Five stars are not enough. Bravo.
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I don't think there is a writer alive that can't relate to this poem. There is nothing quite so hopeful and frustrating as a blank page. We are all true gluttons for punishment staring at them day after day. I find it very satisfying that you filled the page with a wonderful story about a blank one. I love it. Well done.
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I have to say I know little or nothing about poetry so I cannot speak intelligently on styles or structure. I have to take your word that this is a sonnet because I have no idea what that constitutes. I can however speak on what I like and the feelings and impressions I get from a poem.
That said, I like this poem very much. I think the concept of entitlement by birth is very profound and you express it eloquently. Well done.
I also love that you bring the piece full circle showing that even the all powerful man will at last return to the ground which he rules. This is a very powerful and thoughtful poem. Bravo.
I enjoyed this very much. It is very thought provoking and moving. Thank you for sharing it with us. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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I really enjoyed this poem very much. I love ballad type poems that tell a story and this told a beautiful tale. Well done.
I think it says a lot for your characterization ability that as a reader I have fond feelings for this dragon even after you tell me about the woe she has brought to countless heroes. I don't want her to die and I am saddened by her passing when in reality I should be cheering her death. Well done.
I have one word of caution however. I would be careful with your usage. I consider myself to have a rather large vocabulary but I had to look a couple of words in this poem up just to be sure they meant what I thought. I would suggest perhaps finding alternate words for "prodigious" and "somnolent."
Overall, I think this is an incredibly well written and executed poem. I loved everything about it. I think the language is just poem and the imagery it brings forth is awe inspiring and epic. Bravo!
Thank you for sharing this with us and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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What a beautiful poem. The language and the sentiment are both lovely. I love the ending line of each stanza and how they all work together to convey the message of hope that the poem encompasses.
The ideas and emotions that you have woven throughout the lines are complex and poignant. The eloquence with which you relay them is quite brilliant. Well done.
What a haunting and tragic poem. You describe your friendship so beautifully that the reader cannot help but feel the loss of it with you.
The last stanza is so profound and powerful that it just solidifies the bereavement of the narrator. Who is crying for himself. This is just a poignant and heartfelt poem. Bravo.
I enjoyed this story very much it was quite entertaining. I think it might have been scarier if you had shown at least one incident of a Grimoiratti actually killing and eating a brain.
One thing that I would like clarified as a reader is if the Grimoiratti can assume the shape of anything why wasn't that ever mentioned? All we are told is that they are wizards from the middle ages so their actual abilities are unknown. Maybe that is how they escaped from the knights is by assuming the shapes of animals or other people?
Also I am unclear if the man with the red and pink handkerchief is really a Grimoiratti or did he just over hear the conversation and wants to scare the children? If he and Blue are both Grimoiratti wouldn't they recognize each other? Would they attack each other? Blue was obviously going to attack him. Did you intentionally leave this all up to the reader to figure out?
I understand that leaving things up to the imagination is a great technique used in the horror field but I think if you leave too much up to the reader they will get frustrated and feel cheated. I personally like resolution in the stories I read but that could just be me.
Overall, I thought this was a pretty good story. It was very original and quite captivating. I thought the dialog was well done and natural sounding and the characters are rich and interesting. As I said before I would have liked a bit more clarification on exactly what happened and more resolution on the final encounter but still it was a fun read.
Thank you for sharing I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Wow. I have to say I loved this poem. I want you to know what that means because I am not usually a fan of poetry. Especially poems about love and romance, that's just not my thing. But this poem I genuinely love.
It's the message that I really does it for me. The message that we can choose our reality. Reality is what we say it is, what we believe it to be. That is a very powerful concept. And it's one of my favorites.
Also, the language and flow of this poem is amazing. I just really like everything about it. I can't think of anything that might improve it. In my opinion this is a perfect five star piece. Well done.
Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Wow, this is just so sad. I really have mixed emotions about it because you portray the dog's feelings so explicitly I feel them too. Logically I can't help but think that it's not fair to the man not to hunt because of his dog's old age. It is a sad fact of life that dogs age more rapidly than humans. The man can't help it.
Anyway, I don't know anything about poetry style or structure so I can't speak on that but from what I can tell the rhymes are good and the rhythm is great. I think it flows very well.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem though it choked me up and got me all teary eyed. Well done. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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