I have to say this is probably one of my favorites so far. I love the classic style of it. It reminds me of the poems of the old masters, like Dickens or Eugene Field. I really like it.
The message of the poem is an important one never to forget. No matter what time marches on you don't want to miss out. This is my favorite part of the poem:
Taking away its creations
That which was from the foundations
The dying off of a generation
Life still goes on
This is just so clear concise and well worded. It gets the point across in an excellent and powerful way. Well done.
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This is a great concept for a poem but to paradoxical to pull off. You can't write a poem that is not a poem or words without intent. It's a cool idea though. The more I think about this the more I would like to try it. It turns out this is a really GREAT poem because it inspired me to want to try. That is one of the greatest things a poem can do. Bravo.
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Nice poem. I love this style and the message in this poem is a good. It is much better to live your life free the way you want to than to be what others expect you to be. Life is too short to be prim and proper all the time. I like it. Bravo.
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Wow, I really love this poem. It is very powerful and graphic. I know I have a morbid side but the twisting of the knife is such a poignant imagine. They say women prefer knives and poisons to commit murders because it is more personal. Sorry, my morbidity is showing hehe.
Anway, I love the title and pretty much everything about this poem speaks to me. Your words and their symbolism is moving. I feel sorrow for the victim. Well done.
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Well all I can say is that this Charlie Heart guy is character all right. I am still on the fence about whether or not I like him. Honestly, every thing he says or does seems to make me feel dirty. He is a pretty creepy dude.
I really want to feel sorry for him but so far I can't. He just acts like such an asshole. This apathetic demeanor he has is kinda getting old. I would really like to see him care about something or someone for a change.
I'm starting to enjoy this sarcastic style of writing you have. It took me a couple of chapters to get use to it. :)
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I have to say you've piqued my interest. This Charlie Heart fellow is mysterious one. I haven't decided yet if I like him or not. I think so far I'm leaning towards not. Although, I did like his interaction with the boy.
Starting the story with dialog is a great writing technique and I like the way you start this story. One problem with it though is you get little or no character development and it is difficult to orientate on the relationships of the speakers. So the reader has this kind of lost feeling.
It doesn't last long because you very quickly start to gather information about the characters and get to know them. The problem here is that the reader starts guessing about the character and theirs relationships to each other. My first impression of Charlie was that he was a doctor.
So I guess what I'm getting at is do you want to keep the reader guessing or is this a case of accidental ambiguity? If you want to give the reader a better idea of the nature of Charlie you might want to slip a physical description in there somewhere.
I did notice quite a few typos and grammatical errors so I'm assuming this hasn't been edited yet.
Overall, I enjoyed this first chapter and I would keep reading if for no other reason than just to see how Charlie survives his beating.
On to the next chapter... :)
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I thought I would read something other than your poetry for a change. This is a great rendition of the story of Adam and Eve. You did an excellent job with the dialog.
I have to be honest I am not up to par on my bible verse but I don't remember a dove in the biblical version. Is that your addition or am I just forgetful?
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Wow, again I love this poem. It is simple and wise beyond belief. The profundity of these words are truly inspirational. Everyone should remember life is just as much a choice as death. If people would just realize how they live their lives will decide how they choose to die, there would be a lot of people living better lives. We just forget. Thanks for reminding me. :)
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Again, this poem really speaks to me. I have battled depression and my weight all my life so the desperation resonates with me. I have often wished to be struck with anorexia just to feel normal again. Even though I know that cure is worse than the disease. So I can easily see this happening if such a product existed.
I love how the tension mounts in this poem with each consumption of the product. It is very unnerving. I enjoyed this poem very much in spite of it's dark nature. Of course, I have always been considered a bit morbid hehe.
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I understand! I guess it takes a woman to understand. I have been trying to explain this to my husband all our married lives. It's not about power, fortune or fame. Those things are not what are important in life. They can never truly bring you happiness and happiness is what is truly important.
A happy person is as high as you can get to the top without reaching heaven. :)
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Okay, this poem is sheer genius! I love it. Every line resonates with me. I could have written this myself if only I had the skill and innovation. Wow... I am completely blown away. This is one to add to the wall. Thanks for reminding me I am not alone in my dread of summer.
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This is another simply beautiful poem. I love your use of language here. The voice of the muse is so resolute and almost divine in this poem, at least in my mind. I like all the matter of fact statements. They make for a lovely story.
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I have to be honest. I am not a religious person and I don't pray... often. That said, I think this is an absolutely beautiful prayer, worthy of praise.
I can't think of a thing you left out and the way you express your love of your Lord is both sincere and powerful. It is truly moving. I am inspired. Bravo.
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So yeah I don't really get this poem. Sorry. I think altering the fabric of time and space goes a bit beyond "Special Strides" and plows right into Extreme Measures.
If not for your description in the info line I wouldn't have any idea what this poem was about. I guess that is half the beauty of poetry is that it is open to interpretation but I always like to know how the author intended it so I can compare. I wouldn't have guessed this one hehe.
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Okay, I'm confused. I thought Pi Archimedes was 3,1,4,2,8,6? What happened to 3,1,4,2,8,6? That's what the other Pi Archimedes poem was.
Anyway, I love the context and sentiment. I agree with it one hundred percent. If only we could just stop birthdates from coming round. Anyway, I'm rating this poem on content alone because I don't understand the format hehe.
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Wow! This is a really cool style poem I like it very much. The hourglass shape is awesome looking. It is neat how the mirrored line lengths cause that effect.
The other neat thing about this poem is how the top and bottom are opposite in composition. Is that required in this style of poem? If so I love the complex conception.
Okay, now for the actual content. I love the subject of good and evil, God and Devil. It doesn't get anymore basic than that. The eternal struggle of right versus wrong, dark vs light. It really is an amazing poem.
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I'm not sure what a mirrored refrain is I guess that means repeating those last two lines every stanza? Well if so I don't care too much for it.
It might just be because those two lines are kind of whiny and annoying or it might just be because I have a thing against repetition. I want to kill that baby on Family Guy. Mom... mom... mom... mom... mommy...
That being said the rest of the poem is quite touching and sad. I feel bad for this man and his children. You sufficiently made me dislike this cold and heartless woman as well, so good job.
A couple of things made me pause and go hmmm...
First the line:
Their mama listless, lips cold blue...
made me wonder if the woman was actually dead. I thought that was going to be the twist for a moment. Instead of divorcing her he is burying her. I actually think I might like that poem better. You should write it hehe.
Another thing this line:
You and I are forever threw...
don't you mean through? I'm poetically challenged so maybe "threw" has some metaphorical meaning I'm missing. :)
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Okay so I think I figured these Cinquains out on my own. Five line poems with two, four, six, eight, two syllables, right? No wonder I like them it's like a combination of math and literature.
I think this particular Cinquain is geniusly clever. Especially, the last line, I love the word play with the double meaning. Well done. :)
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So I guess this is where I give you my standard poetry disclaimer. I might as well do it now and get it over with so I don't have to repeat it umpteen times. I know next to nothing about poetry, so I can't speak intelligently on styles or structures. Therefore, I try to only comment on impressions and feelings I get or what I like or don't like and why.
I am clueless as to what a Cinquain is I assume it has something to do with line counts or syllables or something. All I know is this is a very clear concise and brief poem that I like.
I am a cat lover myself and I recently got a new kitten that I feel exactly this way about. It is comforting to have a warm furry body that snuggle up to you because it wants to not because you make it. I enjoyed this cute little poem very much. What is really funny is my kitten decided to take this exact moment to curl up on my lap and cover my keyboard. hehe
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This would be humorous if it wasn't so blatantly true. I am consistently blown away by your uncanny ability to tell it like it is Itchy. This poem is both simple and profound. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for sharing.
P.S. I'm participating in a review raid for this entire month so I will perusing your port for awhile. I hope you don't mind. :)
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This is just lovely. I have battled depression all my life so I know a lot about smiles of sadness but nothing has ever produced more such smiles than the loss of my mother.
Your poem brings back memories of her funeral and all the sad smiles and encouraging words of love and hugs rendered on that saddest of days. I know this might sound like I enjoyed your poem but I most sincerely do. The reason?
Some memories are bittersweet.
You have reminded me just how beautiful sad smiles can be. Without the sad smiles in my life I may not have had the courage to go on.
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I was curious about this poem because I know how I felt the first time I held my granddaughter. I was there when she was born. It was the most thrilling and heart swelling experience of my life.
Your poem expresses what I felt perfectly. I love your comparing the baby power to an angel mark or the brushing of a fairy. That is an accurate depiction. It truly is a magical experience.
I am so glad I ran across your poem since it reminds me of my own "baby powder." Thank you for that. :)
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Great story I love the concept you came up with for the prompt! Leave it to a zombie lover to come up with the Panadacylpse, that's awesome.
It's funny because at first I am reading along and I am thinking to myself well this is actually pretty plausible hormones creating giant roid raging pandas. Then you the the reproduction, birth rate and growth period right out the window and the whole thing got surreal hehe.
The other unexplained point and some of the other contestants ignored this same point is that pandas only eat bamboo. I wonder if in your story that would be altered because of the chemicals. I guess it can be explained.
I really wish you would have had time to develop this story more before the deadline because I think you hit upon an idea that could be very frightening. I could tell that your tale was rushed however. I hope that you will revisit and revise this piece after the contest is over to make it the masterpiece I believe it can be. :)
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This is great piece. I love your attention to sound. I have found that most writers tend to rely on their descriptive visuals and neglect the other senses. I think sounds can add so much depth and emotion to a story. Sounds can be scary, soothing, annoying or any number of ways. Bravo.
Good luck with the cramp.
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