*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lilithmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13
Review Requests: OFF
1,295 Public Reviews Given
1,302 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 9 10 11 12 -13- 14 15 16 ... Next
301
301
Review of light  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello christo,

I have to give my standard disclaimer which is I know next to nothing about poetry so I can't speak intelligently on style or structure. I don't even know what constitutes a haiku. I only know what I like and what I don't and the impressions I get from a poem.

That said, I think this poem is beautiful. I like it and I'm not even sure of it's meaning. The thing is the words are so action filled and powerful that it moves me regardless of the meaning. It is very visceral.

I can feel the sunlight slapping my face it becomes a tactile experience. I love that this is written in second person. It immediately transfers all emotion and sensation to me. Well done.

Overall, I enjoyed this little poem very much. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
302
302
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello QX,

Well I don't know if it was your intention to entertain or not but I liked this poem. It is honest and very non-pretentious. Personally, I like poems that don't put on airs. And I find it refreshing that you come straight out and tell the reader you are not a poet and then write a poem with no apologies. Bravo.

I enjoyed your piece very much and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
303
303
Review of Doll Face  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Fjona,

I read this story awhile ago and meant to write a review for it but never got to it. Let me rectify that situation now.

This is a killer story. I really enjoyed it very much. There are so many things that make this a great story. First, I love the slow boil pacing that you take while setting the scene with the little girl.

The birthday coming up and she spots the doll but instead of rushing just to get to the scare you slowly let the story unfold at a natural pace and never rush it. Well done.

The fact that the first victim is a child lends a certain amount of innate horror to this story but then to think that she is done in by her beloved doll is just sad.

I LOVE the fact that the mom is suspected for the daughters death. That is what would happen in real life and you don't get a lot of realism in modern day horror stories. Kudos to you for taking the high road and keeping it real.

The ending was great as well. There is just one point in the whole story that I would have liked a bit of clarification on and that is why didn't the doll become real after the little girl became a doll. Why did it need to kill the mother as well?

Don't get me wrong I loved that it did. I thought the scene in the jail was just brilliant and loved the fact that the cop has something that he can't explain now hehe.

Overall, I thought this story was brilliant and I really enjoyed it. It was very well written. It caught my attention from the beginning and held my attention until the last word. It was a fun ride and I thank you for sharing it. Bravo!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
304
304
Review of Darkness Awaits  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello lightspeed555,

I read this piece quite some time ago and I meant to review it but never got around to it. I shall remedy that now.

I think this piece is fantastic and I will tell you why. The pacing and building of suspense is just phenomenal in this story. I love that you don't rush to get to to the scares. You just let it unfold naturally at its own pace.

The housewarming party to meet the new neighbors was such a marvelous way to keep the reader on the edge of their seat. This was a great way to introduce the history of the house by the way. I loved it.

The trip through the basement was one of the most unsettling and frightening things I have read in ages. I'm not kidding I will never go in a basement again without remembering this story. It was sheer genius in my book. The constant problem with the light the movement in the darkness the claustrophobic feel of the shadow people closing in and the need to escape to anywhere even it if meant going deeper into the bowls.

Then just when I think it can't get any worse you had the surreal sights of the underworld. My god, that was just terrific. I have never read anything like that. It was so original and scary. Again very well done.

And then of course just when you think all is well and everything is safe because it was all just imagination then...

then..

The real terror begins all over again. Seriously, all I can say is... Bravo!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
305
305
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is the funniest game I have played here at WDC! It is so addictive I can't stop checking for adds every five seconds. I just sit here refreshing the screen constantly. I am having a blast but it is seriously cutting into my writing time. I guess technically I am still writing though, just three words at a time.*BigSmile*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
306
306
Review of The Lone Wolf  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello again Winter Wolf,

I don't really understand this poem but I like the concept of the lone wolf. I just wish I knew what exactly is going on. The words convey a lot of action but I don't understand the motivations. It's probably just me.

Please don't take offense to this but it seems to me that the rhyming is forced. Especially the first, fifth and sixth stanzas.

My suggestion to you would be to show the reader more of what the wolf is thinking and feeling and less of what he is physically doing. This is just my opinion of course but I believe poetry is all about conveying emotions through imagery.

I think this poem has a lot of potential it just needs some touching up. I would try to make the feelings and motivations of the lone wolf clearer to the reader and give us more descriptive images.

I hope you find this review somewhat helpful and not overly harsh it is never my intent to offend just to give honest and constructive reviews. Thanks for sharing you work and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

*Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

307
307
Review of Sunset  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello James,

This is really beautiful. The narrator conveys the depth of his feelings perfectly. The language and flow is awesome. I think this is just a very well written flash.

It is charming and innocent. The characters are timeless which lets the reader imagine the circumstance of their missed opportunity. You imply that it is a forbidden love when you say it is the first time they have met without the pressures of society but that leaves a lot to the imagination. Well done.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job with this piece. I can't really think of any suggestions for improvement other than maybe expanding upon it. I think if it was a little longer you can get even deeper into the characterization then it would be a 5 star piece. It is close now. I really like it.

Thank you for sharing I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

*Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

308
308
Review of Wings  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Winter Wolf Warrior,

I really like this sentiment of this poem and the meaning behind the words. It is so important to nurture your dreams and never give them up.

Also I think the theme of this poem is awesome. I love the idea of dreams giving us the wings to fly. It leads to some beautiful images and language.

The only problem that I have with it is there are a few places where it sounds like you are rhyming just for the sake of rhyming. The words you choose make it sound forced, like the only reason you used that word or phrase was because it rhymed.

Here are some examples:
Our wings can only get us so far.
You're only there to raise the bar.


Tell me truly to my face.
Are you quitting your own race?


If you quit on your dreams.
Then life will never be as it seems.


Overall, I think this poem is very good it just needs a little tweaking and rewording here and there.Then it will easily be a 5 star poem in my opinion. I thought it flowed very nicely. I don't think that is an issue at all.

Thanks for sharing your work and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

*Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

309
309
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Jill,

Wow, what a powerful piece of writing. This story was so engrossing I am grieving for having read it. The characters were so real and believable. You made me feel their confusion and pain. I am still shaken by it. Amazing job.

The characters and story are so true to life that you become immersed without even being aware of it. I genuinely care about this family. I feel true sorrow for their loss. I WANT to comfort them myself. But most of all I want to be Alyssa's rock so she can properly grieve her father's death. Bravo!

I am not a grammar or punctuation master so I hate commenting on that stuff but there are a couple things about your usage that jump out at me. They are these:

1) liberal use of adverbs-- ly words seldom add anything important to a sentence but always slow the pace of the story and sometimes distract from what is important. Here are some instances where I think you can eliminate or rephrase:

...hastily threw it on,
Paragraph 1 Sentence 4

I hadn't had my coffee yet and I desperately needed it. I walked dazedly to my front door.
Paragraph 2 Sentence 2 & 3

My eyes opened wider and my jaw dropped slightly.
Paragraph 6 Sentence 1

He inhaled deeply and shook his head from side to side,
Paragraph 10 S6

Good question, which I really have no good answer to.
P11 Last Sentence

Seemingly untouched by the grim reaper
P14 S11 This is also a sentence fragment so should be rephrased or attached to the sentence before it.

...her shoulders were shaking visibly
P16 Last Sentence

2)your use of the word "toward"-- I don't know if there is an actual rule for this but in my mind you walk or look 'toward' things that are immeasurable like a horizon, a mountain, an ocean, the unknown. Everything else you walk or look "to" things like people, places, objects. Keep in mind this is just my opinion and I could quite possibly be full of s*** hehe.

I looked back toward Jeremy
P4 Next to last sentence

One last observation, I know right. Sorry. I noticed in the first half of the story there was A LOT of 'pulling into embraces' very close together. It started to sound repetitive. I understand there is A LOT of hugging going on but you might want to consider alternative wording for some of it.

Man, I feel like I just ripped your story apart but that is not how I meant it at all, Jill. This things even if there are several of them are all really really minor. None of them detract from the beauty and depth of this tale.

These are things that I look for and try to eliminate from my own writing so I tend to notice them when I review other people's. Please don't get the impression that I did anything but LOVE this piece.

In my opinion the storytelling is perfect and with just a bit of polish so is the writing. I loved it and I wish I had read it sooner.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

*Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


310
310
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again Kaelhyn,

This is simply a fantastic story. I love everything about it. The boys are adorable, the dragons beautiful and the mother blissfully ignorant. What a fun journey. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

I liked it so much in fact I wish my granddaughter were here so I can read it to her. She is 8 and she would love it. Good job.

I'm dying to read the next adventure but I'm afraid it will have to wait til later. Thank you for sharing this it really is great.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" !

*Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
311
311
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey lizwriter,

Nothing to pick apart here. I think it's great. I'm hooked and would definitely read more. In fact I find it frustrating that I didn't get to finish reading the newspaper article.

I like the premise of the an old rock band with a history. I am curious to see where this is heading. Is this article going to rehash old wounds? Is it going to heal some? Is there a possible reunion in the future? What about rekindling old flames. There is just a lot of possibilities with this opening.

Overall, I am intrigued and I think this was well written and paced. I'm looking forward to reading more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
312
312
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Obg,

Well I read in your info line that you meant this to be funny but not in your face. All I can say is that this is pretty damn funny.

I really like it but if you want it to be a more subtle comedy then you might want to take out or tone down the next to the last stanza. That is just way too action packed to be subtle, with the exercise and sprinting, horns sounding and forcing to leave. It's pretty in your face but funny as heck hehe.

I love the lines about Pavlov and the scientific breakdown of the digestive process. Now that's subtle humor in my opinion. I think both are great and neither are over the top.

One observation however, I think this poem is more about eating and the digestive process than actual food. I guess it all depends on how closely you have to follow the prompt.

Overall, I thought it was a great poem hilariously entertaining. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

313
313
Review of An Empty Nest  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey again,

I was going to try and get away with just rating this one because my reviews are all starting to sound the same but NOOO!!

So okay, this is awesome but in a profoundly sad way. It still blows my mind how you can convey so much feeling with just a few words. "Now just and empty nest across the road." That almost made me tear up. Well done.


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
314
314
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Storyman,

Well if I were to seriously review this I guess I should tell you how I would write it or make suggestions on how to improve it but I would rather address the question.

I can relate to much of what you say in this piece. I have found the more my writing skills seem to improve the less reviews I get or the more I have to ask for them.

However, I can tell from a person who does ALOT of reviews that the better skilled a writer is the harder they are to review. I mean think about it if there is nothing evidently wrong with a piece then all a reviewer can do is either rave about how great it is or tell you how much they dislike it.Personally, I hate telling someone I don't like what they wrote. And neither of which is particularly helpful.

Not to mention when a writer is good they generally know they are good and a rave review just seems like a bunch of ego stroking which can end up doing more harm than good.

Another thing to consider is that the better you get at writing the more work you tend to produce because it is getting easier. So you write more often and your pieces get looooonger. Many people will give a quick view of a story or poem and if it is deemed too long they won't bother to read it let alone review it. I know I have been guilty of this from time to time.

As to whether to write or not to write I think it boils down to one thing. Do you enjoy it or not. In the immortal words of Dr. Ruth, "If it feels good do it." And if it doesn't don't. I write as long as I am having fun and when it stops being fun I stop writing.

Only you know how much enjoyment you get from writing. Write for yourself not for others. Write because it's more fun than anything else you can do at the time. Don't write to get stroked or win prizes. The writing should be the reward. Just my two cents take it for what it's worth. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
315
315
Review of Swept to sea  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello grockl,

Wow, what a stirring and beautiful poem. I see what you mean about the first stanza however. The last line of the stanza is what is confusing to me. I think it is because of the word "tries." I am not sure of your meaning there.

Since I'm not sure what you are trying to say with that line I am probably not much help but do any of these convey your meaning better?

Is this the hand of another that "tears" your heart in two? Or "tugs" on your heart strings? Or maybe just "rips" it to pieces.

Anyway, other than that line I think the poem is marvelous. It elicits emotes and excites. I actually caught myself starting to raise my first on the "Cry!" lines. Bravo.

I hope this review proves somewhat helpful and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
316
316
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello James,
I'm not sure how to review this or if it even should be reviewed. It sounds deeply personal and not something that should be judged.

I am giving it 4.5 stars on sentiment alone. I think it is a beautiful thought and I can feel the love you have for this woman. I think you are both fortunate to have one another. Bravo.

I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

317
317
Review of Test: I am myself  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Hare,

Wow! Okay, I don't really know how to review this so I will just tell you my thoughts and hope you take them in good spirit as I intend them.

First, let me start with the positive. I think your grasp of language is beautiful. The eloquence of you prose is beyond reproach. This letter sounds to me as if it was written by a nobleman. That said...

It is too much. Do you honestly correspond this way? The language is so overwrought it makes it difficult to read. In truth I could not read the whole letter. I stopped prior to halfway through.

I give it 4 stars simply because I amazed that you can write in this style which to me seems to come from ages long ago. I think it is beautiful but like the motives of a flower I may find them aesthetically pleasing I will never understand them.

I hope you don't think this review is too harsh it is never my intention to offend only to give honest and helpful reviews. Thank you for sharing and I hope to read more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
318
318
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey strlcuckoo,

This is just another awesome poem from you. I don't read a lot of poetry here but I always make it a point to read yours so far you have not disappointed me.

You are truly a master of few words. I am amazed at how concisely you can tell a story. That is a gift. I have been called a minimalist but I got nothing on you. Well done.

My favorite line:
Perhaps t’were taken by migration,


As always I look forward to reading more from you.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
319
319
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello FiFi Jo,

I thought this bit was hilarious. I would gladly read more adventures of this character. I thought she was nearly as witty as she was horny. What a ride this turned out to be haha.

I didn't know what to expect from the description but this sure wasn't it. I am very pleasantly surprised. It was fun time and I'm glad I read this piece.

My last thought as I finished this was, "Who shows up with a CASE of vodka?" That has really piqued my interest. It sounds like she is going to need that much though to get it excited about Pumped69. It's a good thing Blondie is still sleeping it off in the closet.

Overall, I thought this was great fun well paced and enthralling from beginning to end. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
320
320
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Tim Chiu,

I like the idea of this poem but I find it confusing. I think it needs some direction because I feel you go off topic for half the poem.

In the information line and for half of the poem you talk about children being bullied in school which is a very admiral subject. But the beginning of your poem centers on the US economy for the first three lines. I don't personally find this detracts from the real importance of the poem which is bullying.

Now you touch base again on the subject of the economy at the end of the poem I don't think it is necessary and find it distracting.

This is just my opinion of course but I would break this up into two separate poems one about bullies and one about the US economy and leadership.

I agree with everything you say and I think you make your sentiments clear and state them quite eloquently. I just think you need to focus on one topic at a time.

I hope you find this review somewhat helpful and not overly harsh. It is never my intention to offend only to give honest and constructive reviews. Thank you for sharing and I hope to read more from you in the future.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
321
321
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello allenalien,

I thoroughly loved this piece. Perhaps it is because this scenario plays out everyday all over the world it is easily believable, but I think you made this particular version so colorful and fun that were it to happen to me I don't even think I would mind. Bravo.

This story was so very well written I can't think of a thing to suggest to improve it. I can find nothing wrong with it. It's a true five star story in my opinion.

It caught my attention from the beginning and kept me totally captivated til the very last line. Kate cast her spell on me too it seems. I thought the characters were fantastic. Kate just oozed sex appeal and Jimmy-Lee's naivete made him utterly charming.

The ending couldn't have been any funnier. I felt bad for Jimmy but not too bad since Kate did show him a hell of a good time. Excellent story thank you for sharing it. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

*Vine2* Answering your request for a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" ! *Vine1*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
322
322
Review of Wyoming Bounty  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again,

Holy Cow! This is scarier than s***! Sorry I guess I'm still engrossed in the old west motif. Man this is a good story. I absolutely loved it. I am partial to westerns because I feel like that is a dying genre and I love it when I see cross overs like this. Well done.

I just can't get over how much I liked this. I love the slow but relentless building of tension then you get a brief brake once the main character hits town. Then right back to suspension and tension again. That is great stuff.

I know we have talked about how leaving things up to the reader's imagination is better than showing or telling everything and I agree. However, this is a case where I would love to see a follow up or conclusion to this story.

There are just so many unanswered questions and implications that I would like a bit more solidity. Other than that though I think this is an exceptional piece of writing. I enjoyed it so much. Way to end your port with a bang!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
323
323
Review of Jason and the ATM  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello again,

All I could think of as I read this is, what a bizarre story. I still like it but I'm not really sure why. It is incredibly well written like everything you write but this one was almost too far out there.

I think the reason this still works for me is because it is still horrifying even though I can't really relate to it.

I have noticed that amalgamation is a reoccurring theme in a lot of your work and I think that is what makes this piece so disturbing. I think, for me at least, that detracts from the horror of Jason's obsession.

The other thing that shatters the believability for me is the accumulation of the queue. Granted it is a terrifying concept but I just don't buy it. This strikes me as a fable you would use to scare your children or folklore.

I still liked it and wish I wrote it, just not one of my favorites. One more to go...
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
324
324
Review of The Sell-Out  
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello,

This is quite possibly the scariest vampire story I have ever read. It reminds me very much of the vampire movie Near Dark(if you don't know it, rent it) not in content but in savagery. This tale is so raw it's brutal.

My favorite part is how you describe the hunger pains in the bathroom. Good Lord, if I experienced pain like that I think I would drain my own mother. It actually made me uncomfortable just reading it.

I was shocked and therefore thrilled by the twist at being unable to feed. I never would have seen that coming. That one point made this different from any other vampire story I have read. I loved it.

The last thing I love about this piece is the waiting in terror for the end. You just never let up. I have noticed that you are relentless in doling out the suffering with never a hope of relief. Bravo.

Well I think I'm down to my final two reviews before finishing your portfolio. I guess that means you better start adding some more to it. I look forward to when you do. I love your writing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

325
325
Review by Lilithmoon☽
In affiliation with Horror, Inc.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ms.Writeaway,

What a beautiful story. I freely admit that romance is not my thing but I genuinely liked this story very much. I loved the pacing of it. I felt as though I just took a roller coaster ride. I liked how Shelby held off instigating a romantic relationship with Lee because it build the tension perfectly.

I think that is one of the biggest problems authors have with writing romance. You have to have tension but not so much so that it is painful, it's a balance. Well done.

Thank you for sharing this piece, I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
392 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 16 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lilithmoon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13