I love this story. Three stars may seem to be a contradiction but hear me out. A diamond in the rough takes some polishing, heat, buffing, pressure .
My goal for this review is to #1 Be Encouraging. 2 Help a fellow writer.
| | Imagine Green (E) Futuristic novel, girl is drafted into special army unit against unknown enemies #1957352 by Anabelle8 | is a story that is unique, and a work that fits what Young Adults are reading in their local libraries. There is so much fantasy, and dystopian, mythology, vampire, faerie witches series out there, it is rare to read something fresh and from the imagination.
Character: You have crafted a unique form of identification rather than names or numbers. The "Futuristic Girl," is well described, and then I thought, "What was her name?" I re-read the story, and found no names, only identifiers. Normally I would request names, but it seems as if in this future and very gray world beings are so de-humanized that they are so much meat. Without names you are able to draw out characteristics of these unique, lost kids who are barreling and groaning down an unknown highway. The interactions of the shy children, the "I am just the bus driver here," gruffness of the driver, and "the girl," give good identification of this new world.
Detail: Are you kidding me. Your descriptions; "...all I see is gray. Not the pleasant color of a grandmother’s hair, but that of a flat, uncompromising landscape.","“But sir, what if I’m colorblind?” the boy whispers, and the whole bus starts giggling..." character interactions , landscape "...I can see nothing past the gate other than the usual grayness of the burn and dead land.,, travel, the whole tale is full of descriptors.
y}Punctuation & Grammar: I need to sweep out from under my porch before pointing out any possible errors I may find, but it is hard for the writer to read their work unbiased. The voices in our heads cause this. As a voracious reader, and now more careful writer, I hope to give help and constructive critique, because it is my opinion that you have something here. I am a greedy reader, and I always want more. Sometimes there is no more, and that is my error. A). "...The land passes by hypnotically..." it could just be me, but maybe... she is hypnotized watching the land pass by... B). "...saw kids that looked ten, and others that looked up to 25." ET's would say; use either the numeral or spell the numbers out, but don't mix them. This may be intentional on your part, just an idea.
Ending: What a twist. I think spoilers put into reviews are rotten, so let me just say that the ending of this grey, ghostly trip was a surprise well worth the read. This is s short story that most YA and some Juvenile Genre readers would enjoy.
Overall: Keep writing - This is a 5 Star plus quality story in the making. Write On!
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