Title - I think you could use a better title. I would suggest something, but I don't know enough about the story to do so.
Character/s - They need work, but I understand your main character a little. Just needs some expansion.
Plot - Can't really see the plot yet, but I think this could be a great outline for your story.
This sounds like it''s going to be an interesting story, but I think it needs some work.
Errors and suggestions:
*Look at the first line. You need a space after the comma after Cindy and you don't need the comma after Sabastian.
*You should write numbers in word form when writing story pieces. Example, "11 years old" - should be - "eleven years old".
*"unniest" - funniest.
*This sentence is a run-on and needs breaking up. You wrote: "...older than me unniest thing is,that our birthdays are lined up 23,24,25 I am the middle child." I think it would sound better if you wrote it like this - '...older than me. The funniest thing is, our birthday's are lined up in order. It goes twenty-three, twenty-four and twenty-five. I am the middle child.'
*"isint" - isn't.
*"The reason my birthday isint the same as Sabastian's. Is because i was ready but, my twin was not." You don't need the full stop after Sabastian. And the comma goes before "but" not after.
*"My dad died in a car wreck" - I would strongly suggest expanding on this a little. It's too vague.
*"Four years later my mom was working on our farm she went inside because she wasint feeling well and she said her heart hurt." This sentence doesn't sound right. Try something like this - 'Four years later my mom was working on our family's farm and her heart suddenly started to hurt. So she went inside and said she wasn't feeling very well..." Then the rest, but expand on it.
*Expand on why her mum died. Why did it happen suddenly?
*"summer 30th" - There are a few months in summer. Maybe it would sound better if you wrote, 'July 30th' or 'June 30th'.
*''Good morning,Tarrence,Cindy!" - This would look better if you wrote it like this - 'Good morning, Tarrence. Cindy."
*Don't you spell "Sabastian" like this 'Sebastian'?
*Start a new line when a different character is speaking.
I think you have a great idea for a story here. You just need to do a lot of expanding, work on your punctuation, grammar and spelling. After this I'm sure it's going to be wonderful. So keep on writing!
I hope my review has been encouraging and my suggestions helpful.
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