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2,313 Public Reviews Given
2,313 Total Reviews Given
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I try to be honest and positive. My Christian faith is an important background factor. I hate rating low but have a system that determines how I grade.
 
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#2259390 by LightinMind
I'm good at...
More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.
Favorite Genres
Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.
Favorite Item Types
I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.
I will not review...
I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Rick Kenai I found "Freedom And Liberty"  when searching for articles on 'security.' I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A very American perspective on the revolution and subsequent defense of liberty by America. We are born free but have to fight for our freedoms. Government and security considerations are now intruding on our personal spaces and are taking over areas that more naturally belong to freedom. Suspicion of a drug crime can lead to asset forfeiture, taxes are rising, and social security does not give back as much as we put into it. Petty bureaucratic dictators rule our finances. The purpose of government is not more and more intrusion in the name of security but rather about maintaining a country in which we can be free.

*Quill*Commentary

You kind of lost me when you called George III a German-speaking Psycho. From a British perspective, we had just freed you from the threat of France and that had cost a lot and we wanted some money to pay off our debts. It seemed like greed and selfishness were more primary reasons for the initial rebellion than notions of freedom. That said the constitution framed a far nobler picture of America as a land of freedom and eventually that also meant freedom for Black people and Hispanics also, though arguably that process is still in motion.

But the same instinct that distrusted the British is still alive and kicking today against the Washington DC-based Federal state. Taxation is regarded as an attack on personal liberties rather than a redistribution to people less fortunate than ourselves. Legitimate concerns about organized crime, terrorism, and school shootings are reasons to balance personal freedoms with security concerns. There is no liberty without life. At the same time, security forces need to be monitored and their actions need to be rules-based and legitimate. Ultimately, as you say, they are about protecting the life, liberty, and happiness of all people as phrased in the constitution. Your article focused only on the liberty bit but that is a distortion of the original intentions of the Founding Fathers.

Today America is out there defending the freedoms of the Ukrainian people from an act of aggression by its neighbor. America's vast security apparatus provides weaponry and intelligence to the people of Ukraine. This is America at its best defending freedom beyond its borders as it did against the Nazis and the Communists and indeed attempted to do against Islamists also.

At the same time, Musk is buying Twitter saying freedom of speech is under threat. Trump is still spewing lies that too many Americans believe about lost elections and pandemics. It seems the internal debate in America is taking place inside a sort of bubble of local concerns in which conspiracy theories are meant to have the same level of credibility as scientific facts and traditional religion. Freedom has become tainted by its abuse and by the lies propagated in its name. Fox News has virtually no real journalists and yet makes money off a brand of cultural conservative affirmation that amounts to little better than propaganda. They are free to do so, but should they be?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The title would be better Freedom and Security. Freedom and liberty just repeat the concept twice and inadequately represent the actual content of the piece.

Confusion between there and their

apart - a part

How many people do you know (over the age of say six months) that has never had something negative happen to them? - have not has because people plural


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427
427
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Abdul Ismail I found "The UN Security Council - Will it reform"  when searching for articles on 'security.' I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

There is a lot of discontent with the existing model of the UN Security Council. The current P5 (Permanent 5) members can veto any UN actions. But the G4 countries of Brazil, Japan, Germany, and India also believe they should have a place. Each of these countries is opposed for various reasons. The Americans are the key opponent of major change.


*Quill*Commentary

This is very topical right now as a Security Council member just launched an invasion of another country in contempt for international law and the UN is impotent to do anything about it because of the Russian veto. A great many people now regard the structure as dysfunctional and not fit for purpose. Zelensky in his address to the council famously asked it to do something about the war in Ukraine and that if it was unable to do anything then what was it for?

Your article did not really address the why of reform, rather it speculated on why that reform was not taking place and mainly blamed the Americans for that. It did not account for the vested interests of the French and British who are much reduced since the Second World War and yet are adamant defenders of the status quo which enables them to kick above their weight.

The UN has been an instrument for peace and has helped define an international order that has been broadly stable since world war two. It was the victors that got the prominent seats in the Security Council. At the time both Britain and France were empires, China was in a civil war, and Russia and America were the real powers. But much has changed since then. The power came to be defined around the possession of nuclear weapons and the desire to restrict their proliferation as all the permanent members had the bomb by the sixties. But they have since been joined by Israel, Pakistan, India, and North Korea. Germany and Japan are economic heavyweights not represented on the table. The Muslim world has no presence at the table. But the Russian action in Ukraine presses the case for reform even more as it.

Your article also did not really address what a future UN security council would look like and how it could represent all mankind. Also, the current veto system allows the greatest of powers to get away with pretty much whatever they want while a more rules-based system might allow more flexibility and punitive actions against offenders regardless of their status in the international order. The P5 remains above the law. At present this remains an order defined by the possession of nuclear weapons and there is a de facto veto in being able to nuke any enemy that attacks you which needs to be considered also.

Mechanically this organization was formed on the back of a great catastrophe and it might take a similar disaster before real reform is possible. Since any of the P5 can veto attempts to remove it it would have to be manhandled into such a position and at present, all remain nuclear-armed though both France and Britain are vulnerable to economic threats. The EU might claim a seat but that would mean militarizing the concept of the organization and removing nuclear weapons from national control in France. This is unlikely in the near future.

So the article did not really address why we need reform, how it could happen, and really just summarized a gripe against existing American power.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

There were a lot of spelling mistakes:

rivalaries - rivalries
weilding - wielding
pesent - present
sponsers - sponsors
jelous- jealous
canditure - candidature
apponents - opponents

however each has it own opponent. - however, each has its own opponent.

Also loads of missing commas.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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428
428
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Graywriter . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Roses on the Breeze"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is an overview of a novel, describing a single mum Cheryl and her daughter Kat moving to Arizona from California on the run from tragic events not so long ago. The darkness seems to follow them there however and then, led by the scent of roses, they meet Carlos, a policeman and maybe they are in with a chance of new life after all...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So the protagonist here is Cheryl and Kat with the hero husband David and new hero Carlos on the team also.

On the other side is an unknown and deadly stalker that turns out to be the drug cartel that David would not cooperate with.

I thought they were lucky that the enforcer was so indirect in his efforts to kill them, in practice this would have been done with more ruthless efficiency.

I liked the way you used roses to lead them to salvation.

Would an insurance company give a payout with a suspended police investigation still pending?

Getting married in a backyard seemed like they were still hiding. Why not go for the full white wedding in a church now that they were free again?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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429
429
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Rosie Best I found "WAR BE DONE BY GIVING UP EAST UKRAINE--"  when searching for articles on Ukraine. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Rosie desires peace and thinks Zelensky should give up the East of his country to avoid higher global inflation and extra destruction.


*Quill*Commentary

With various war crimes committed and documented, feelings are running high in Ukraine and Zelensky may well think that with the appropriate weaponry he can defeat Putin and drive him from his land. His own people may not give him the freedom to make concessions until things become more desperate than they already are.

Putin seems quite determined to prosecute this war and has the resources to do so even though he may have lost as many as 40000 troops killed or wounded thus far and have bankrupted his country moving forward.

The destruction already committed is a reason for the Ukrainians to keep fighting and is irrelevant to Putin.

This piece did not really address his motivations, his vision of a Greater Russia, and its connections with Russian Orthodoxy nor comprehend the crusading theme in Putin's declarations. Also, this is a war that Putin cannot lose without also losing his head, so it will drag on until he has something to show for it.

I agree that this war may well come down to a compromise in the end with the recognition of the Donbas and Crimea for instance and maybe even a landbridge to the Crimea down the East coast of Ukraine. But that seems a long way off and a great many more people will die first. Peace is urgent but until these countries think that outweighs their moral outrage and ambitions it will not happen.

This war will impact energy and food prices but alternatives are already being developed and in time we will not need either of these countries' products. Many in emerging countries like Yemen or Egypt may starve as a result of this war. American grips about higher petrol prices at the pump are not the key consideration for either Zelensky or Putin and there is little that Biden or indeed Trump could do about them.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I found the capitalization a little irritating. It was as though you were shouting this message at the rest of us.

Many sentences need reviewing and rephasing:

WHY IS ZELENSKY FIGHTING HIS TERRITORY DEPENDING ON US? - Why is Zelensky's fight dependent on our support?


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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430
430
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, The Puppet Master . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Dreams Within Dreams"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Kailey is being proposed to by billionaire Quincy Templeton or making out with the hot waiter Duke. She ends up in a threesome in bed with post-it notes raining down from the ceiling. Does she burn a house down trying to depose the post-it notes or was this all a dream or even a dream within dreams? Is she destined for the mental asylum? Then Quincy takes her out to dinner and is kneeling before her with a small box in his hand and a lump in his throat...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Very amusing and creative thanks.

This reads like a female fantasy by a woman torn between the feathered nest of a billionaire husband and the hot fun of a tryst with a waiter. So maybe she was still a little confused about settling down right away.

Two men after the same woman make the women feel special and give her a choice she does not make in her dreams but will make in the real world. The choice is between the hot poor boy and the rich billionaire. In the end, Quincy is neither of these but at least she is prepared for the distraction of hot waiters, food stuck in her throat, and burning the house down.

The men are one-dimensional and the woman is a little crazy but as a short story this worked I thought.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

restauraunt - Restaurant


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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431
431
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Fivesixer . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Broken Code For Remembering"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Our memory of what has been is broken in ways we cannot imagine. We saw, see, and believe less than is out there. What we never saw properly is now a chaos of images, words, and thoughts. We don't know the truth and cannot gather it from the vast mystery of the unknown that we lived through once upon a time.

*Quill*Commentary

This was mentally captivating even if I do not properly understand it. Maybe some things were never meant to be cataloged just experienced.

In fact, it is possible that I have completely misunderstood this poem. It is possible that my experience of it is only partial and does not address the unseen dimensions that it alludes to and does not comprehend the feelings and confusions that it articulates. You write a poem like a postcard from a place you have never been to say what? That you cannot remember where you were because you were never truly there? Hidden truths never acknowledged distort the memories we assert, we create portraits of assumptions, and the colors blur between shades of you and them if they were even real.

I am not sure if this poem is clever gobbledegook or a mental exercise that rips away the veil from our assertion of memory and our confidence in the recall. But then if we cannot remember what we truly experienced and are only confused about what we see what can be said at all?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Nothing major found.


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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432
432
Review of Super Toilet  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sumojo . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Super Toilet"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The sales talk for a "Super Crapper." This green-friendly, water-frugal, non-touch, self-cleaning, Bluetooth-capable wonder comes with a night light to help you find your way in the dark. Try one out now. Privacy guaranteed.


*Quill*Commentary

This made me laugh, thank you.

You concentrated on the sales side and how it ticked all the boxes on what a consumer might be looking for these days. I wanted to know how it all worked and how they managed to get rid of the handle that works the valve for example. I wondered how it could self-clean while remaining water frugal and I doubted it could deodorize the worst of toilet experiences. I reckon it would use a lot of electricity and wondered whether or not I would get an electric shock from all that mixing of circuits with sewage. I guess they run a wire through the toilet seat to get it to warm up but that probably makes changing the seat 10 times more expensive than the piece of plastic I currently use. My current Crapper suddenly seems less expensive, easier to maintain with fewer gimmicks requiring less maintenance and expensive overhauls. But then I prefer my bicycle to my Mercedes also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Toilets haven't changed since the Sir Thomas Crapper invented the W.C.

I'll show you its features and you'll wonder however you left it this long without the ‘Super Crapper’.

First, for your all you Greenies out there


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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433
433
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, areyes522 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "My trip to Cancún"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A pre-Panademic travel blog about a trip to the island of Cozumel off the coast of Cancun in the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico.


*Quill*Commentary

Great! A travel story. Thanks for sharing.

You wrote this in 2022 so I guess you were not abducted by the drug cartels and the Captain was just the Captain of the ferry. My own experience of Mexico is more of the dry heat of the Northern deserts. Cancun is more humid and semi-tropical. I quite liked the food but a lot of English people found they adopted the Astec Two-Step having eaten it. You described the journey here but not the holiday itself. It seems that getting there was the greatest struggle and the stress of it all even made you feel a little queasy. Having been house-bound for much of the last two years due to covid restrictions I sympathize with the desire to travel again.

Drug Cartels are big in the Yucatan but the government does what it can to protect the tourist areas which are safer.

The "I want to travel" of the beginning turned into "we did this or that" by the middle and end.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

It was a quiet flight, no turbulence - It was a quiet flight, with no turbulence

To be continue... - To be continued...

Commas:

All that shining sun, the heat, the big luggage, and the trip made us feel sick.

Of course, it would be an opportunity we could never have again so we decided to say yes!


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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434
434
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, jonblair . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Star Voyagers: "THE GREY CONSPIRACY""  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Captain Foxwell commands the Stargazer. The scene opens with a space battle with an unidentified alien craft that seems to have discharged some kind of plasma beam in their direction. They destroy it with sublight speed energy torpedoes. The radioactive debris field cannot be examined and they receive orders to relocate to orbit around Zeta Reticuli 2 in the Zeta Reticuli Star System and await further orders.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I like Sci-Fi and this was entertaining.

This sounded all very Star Trek Federation you borrowed someone else's universe and put your own story inside it. You even used the name of Captain Picard's latest ship Stargazer. Your use of the Gregorian calendar and reference to a Martian pathogen identifies the character list as human. That all of this occurs just 74 years from now implies some exciting scientific breakthroughs in the next few years including interstellar engine technology and energy torpedoes. It also implies a negative experience from some kind of alien pathogen discovered on Mars.

This Part 1 seems like a scene setter. A competent and successful space captain is called out on a mysterious mission to a star system somewhere out there. You leave us wondering what happens next.

Given the human background, I found the names rather odd. Who calls their child Beta, for example, it is a second-rate name compared to Alpha. Xuriya sounded Indian while Captain Jon L. Foxwell could have been British or American. So I guess in your envisaged future we have somehow globalized.

Who is the enemy here? You have already destroyed the alien ship or was that guy sent to help as in Independence Day 2.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The resulting explosion and fireball was accompanied - plural so were
Identification and origin of the attacking vessel is unknown - plural so are

companel - separate the words or hyphenate - com panel

“Xuriya, forward a subspace message to Galactic Fleet Command; advise the Stargazer is in synchronous orbit around Zeta Reticuli 2. - You did not close the quotes

Finish with this sentence: “Await further orders.” - this is a message not a command to Galactic Fleet Command so it should read Awaiting.


Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind


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435
435
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Paul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Some Times You Can’t Save Them"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A paramedic called Robert is unable to save the latest victim of teenage gun violence called Logan. It has the effect of affecting him deeply. His existential crisis provoked by the tragedy causes him to denounce society, dam 'god', and question the meaning of life. He finds a reason to carry on in the prospect of saving the next one that comes along.


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Mrs. Taylor is the grieving widow who has lost her husband and only son in quick succession. Robert is the compassionate paramedic who dies a little with every person he cannot save. The partner seems a little more detached and professional. Your writing evokes the feelings you wish it to and is well constructed and easy to understand.

Your piece was meant to provoke feelings of existential anger at the injustice and apparent meaninglessness of life. It brings out the despair of a man with a Savior complex who is continually reminded of the fact that he cannot save them all. Examples like this premature tragedy are meant to evoke a feeling that nothing makes sense and that everything is broken even 'god.'

So the premise of the piece is faulty as there is always a reason for stuff whether or not we know what it is on a natural or a supernatural level and it is ridiculous to question the justice, goodness, and power of God from the self-reliant bubble perspective of a finite, mortal and imperfect paramedic faced with a few deaths. Life itself is a miracle and it is a miracle that we survive at all on this thin layer of life on a rock hurtling through a hostile universe. Whether a long or a short life it is a miracle that we have ever lived and miracles do happen sometimes to restore healing and wholeness also.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Some times nothing but a miracle will save them and we know those aren’t real. Sometimes and you use the word them plural but only her son died in the description, or are you alluding to the husband also and the generic them all?

she knew how the failures effected me. - The effect of the failures affected me. The effect is causal and affected is the change in me and is the feeling word


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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436
436
Review of The Shipwreck  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello, Souciance . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Shipwreck"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A young man escapes a shipwreck while other survivors stay close to the wreck clinging to driftwood. He makes it to sure and is asked about the others...


*Quill*Commentary

This is a political satire on individualistic self-reliance. The man gifted with youth and strength swims to the shore while the others are unable to accomplish this. But his thoughts are only of his accomplishment and the merit of survival has been earned according to his point of view while that of the others who could yet be rescued has not.

The story had a personal resonance since one of my ancestors survived such a shipwreck by swimming to shore in a storm. I would not exist had he not "earned the right" to my survival.

I did expect the story to end with the man desperate to save those who had not attempted the swim. The selfishness was meant to be shocking and it was. It is a social Darwinistic survival of the fittest philosophy that destroys communities and contributes to the immense social inequalities in the world. It reminded me of the Spartans who used to leave their kids out on the hillside in the cold. If they survived the night then they were welcomed back into the tribe and brought up as warriors. The Spartans won the Peloponnesian war but their legacy is an empty one devoid of cultural treasures and great ideas. We remember the Athenians, not the Spartans today. If might is right the world is empty and nihilistic.

One of the robber barons or grand capitalists that metaphorically made it to the shore might change the ending to imply that having earned the right to survive themselves it would be their choice whether or not to bequeath it to those still out there in their waters by telling of their location. But that the others would then be forever in the debt of the prime survivor who earnt their survival for them.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

the man body, soaked like a prune - the man's body, soaked like a prune


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#2259390 by LightinMind


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437
437
Review of Fall  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Abbey Genna . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Fall"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

An autobiographical experience of Autumn. The author celebrates the temperature, colors, festivals, sounds, smells, foods, and family experience of the season.


*Quill*Commentary

This is a snippet from a person's life with a focus on the experience of Fall. It is an American experience with temperate zone descriptions of deciduous trees, geese migrations, and European/North American food choices. The perspective here is of a child in a traditional American home where mum cooks and dad watches American football (as opposed to soccer) before Sunday dinner. It is a Sunday but there is no mention of a Sunday church service. The author is more interested in her sensual experience of nature and there is no grace before the meal. But she does not express any overt pagan opinions. She is enamored with the season with no fear of the approach of Winter nor any hint of the possibility of famine, war, or plague.

This was very show not tell. It describes the feel of a season to you and is a small extract of your life that does not need to be extended out from this day towards a past or a future. There is no mention of work, exams the pressures of the week. This is a peaceful sabbatical from world events and the pressures of the school or working week.

It reminded me of one of the 60-second timeouts that you have on CNN news where they take the viewer to somewhere peaceful and beautiful and you are just expected to sit back and admire the view.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The greens, yellows, oranges and reds all combine - missing comma before and

As i get- capitalize I

We also have turkey, mashed potatoes and yellow, buttery corn. - missing comma




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438
438
Review of For Paige  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, fyn . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "For Paige"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A grandmother describes her granddaughter. The poem shines with the extreme joy of knowing her, the happy connections they share, and the feeling of sharing character traits.

*Quill*Commentary

So you seemed to expound on Churchill's description of Russia here: It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

But apparently, your granddaughter is even more interesting than Russia manages to be right now despite its frantic screams for attention in Ukraine.

Asked for a poem that combines a description of your granddaughter with joy you were quite flattering though some of the images are probably private jokes between the two of you. How does joy wrap itself around an elephant's trunk? Outlander cohort could relate to a shared watching of the series on TV or a character disposition you both share. You could see her soul through her eyes but that transparency somehow was completely mysterious.

Some lines here were great and expressed deep feelings:

a wondrous book of endless pages that keeps getting longer.
a heart with no boundaries.

So a joyful poem wrapped inside shared laughter and expressions of delight. All bound together by love.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

Of course Mostest is a word!


Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, tj ~ endeavors to persevere! . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "How Do I Like Them Apples?"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

It's all about apples and how you can eat them. You can eat them directly from the tree, in sauces, pies, or apple-cinnamon fries. You can make apple butter and apple jelly. Were Adam and Eve really banned from eating such a healthy fruit? We should be eating apples all the time for breakfast, lunch, and tea and also snacking in between.

*Quill*Commentary

Germany is big on apples. We grow a million tons of them a year. You missed apple juice on your list, we drink a lot of that. Apfelschorle is a favorite children's drink here. I cook a big apple pie every week for my son who is 6 foot five now and has a ravenous appetite. It gets him through the weekend and stops me from having to cook for him every 5 minutes. But this practice may have to stop shortly as there is no flour in the shops anymore due to the Ukraine and Russia being off the supply chain and some serious panic buying here.

Eve did eat an apple from THAT tree, But she could have taken one from another tree, I doubt if the garden of Eden was short on fruit and veg.

The health thing with apples comes down to being high in fiber, vitamin C, and various antioxidants. But I guess also they fill you up without necessarily adding loads of calories.

Thanks for your poem which was written in a chirpy tone that improved my mood.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the rhyming structure going all the way through.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of I Hate Her!  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Paul . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "I Hate Her!"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Thirteen-year-old Carley is having problems with Lisa who keeps derogatorily commenting on her clothes and calling her little Miss Perfect.
Quizzed by her father as to the reasons for Lisa's behavior it turns out that Lisa comes from a poor neighborhood and envy might be a factor here. Carly talks to Lisa and now it seems they are best friends.

*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So Carley is the rich kid criticized for having the resources to look good. Lisa is the envious but smart kid from the poorer neighborhood. The lesson here is about understanding and reaching behind the hate and the spite to find the reason for a person's actions.

So I guess a contemporary version of this story is two little boys called Putin and Zelensky...If only they would reach behind the hatred and find a less fratricidal path to the future.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

No major errors were found.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Door  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Evolutia . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Door"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The poem describes a subterranean, ancient door characterized by bulwarked locks and sturdy crossbeams. It has a window but this is cracked and clouded. Everyone who once knew what secrets it hid has long since died. What is behind the door?

*Quill*Commentary

Well, this poem transported me to a dark place somewhere deep beneath the earth. I imagined some damp rocky cave whose tunnel narrowed to this door. I could hear water dripping and it felt cold and chilly down there. The random jagged gray edges of the rocks around contrasted with the smooth preciseness of the construction of the darker door. Though decayed this was something designed and with a manmade purpose. For a moment I looked upon the door with the poet wondering at its size and why its Maker had made it so strong and so forbidding of trespassers. It aroused my curiosity and I want to see behind the door. Did they cage some monster there, or does it hide buried treasure, or is it a doorway to an underground kingdom of Jules Verne dimensions? Or is it just a bomb shelter left over from the cold war when the fear of Russian bombs was real... Oh, wait it is still real...is there room for me in there? Is it a place of hope hiding dreams or a refuge from another age?


*Quill*Mechanical issues

This was a freeverse, so no rhyming or structure rules to follow. No major errors were found.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Vika, Viktoriya  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello, K. Miller I found "Vika, Viktoriya"  when searching for articles on Putin. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Written in 2002-2004 this is an account of Putin's relationship with an American journalist Victoria Michaels or in Russian: Viktoriya Mikhailova. Apparently, she adored him in his early days but then as a reporter in Chechyna she was handed over to be murdered by him. That put a downer in their relationship and she came to his palace to tell him how disappointed she was with him. After a stormy scene, she runs from the palace. Putin cannot stop thinking about her and wakes up in his marital bed with his wife beside him thinking about her and feeling guilty. Then he takes a personal risk and goes and visits her. It ends in a kiss...


*Quill*Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

This is not the Putin we see vilified by the media today. This is him in his early days when he was fighting a bloody insurgency in Chechyna and turning Russia around after the disasters of the Yeltsin years. Russian GDP doubled in the first 8 years. He had the notoriety of his KGB past but then the image of a strong president making things happen. Apparently, Viktoriya Mikhailova goes for reformed bad boys with murderous tendencies. The pictures all over her apartment indicate that she idolized the president, the story implies she felt very let down by him. There was also a fascination with Putin in those days as there is now. Indeed Intelligence analysts around the world are desperate to understand what is going on in his head. I am not sure if they would agree with your analysis here though.

I guess I read this story with an extra two decades of hindsight and it does not feel like Putin to me. That he would cry over an American journalist seems extremely unlikely. His favorite reading list includes the fairly unsentimental Hemmingway but mainly the deep dark confused emotions of nineteenth-century Russian writers like Dostoevsky and Tolstoy. Your portrayal of Putin makes him look like a man who would risk his life to kiss an American drama queen journalist which is wrong on so many levels. He hates a free press and does not give the latitude this story implies to women. His relationship with America peaked with Donald Trump and their shared sexist outlook on the place of women in a 'real' man's life. Russian prostitutes are apparently the best in the world. He has since divorced his wife and the full story on that will probably never come out, she has remarried since but he has not. You cannot talk about Putin's relationships in Russia nor about how many love children he may have. But all the rumors and speculations point to Russian women like the gymnast Alina Kabeava rather than foreigners. When a paper suggested this it was shut down with immediate effect. So the story did not seem real or plausible to me and read more like a fantasy of a woman about a powerful man succumbing to her charms via an attempt to murder her by a Chechen terrorist. She is apparently not the only woman to have fantasized about Putin.

Putin is a man with a distinctively Russian dream informed by service as a KGB agent in the glory days of the USSR and by extensive historical reading on the old Russian Empire. He is a Real Politik practitioner who rarely shows any sentiment in public except a faint smile for Russian war heroes and crowds at Make Russia Great again Putin rallies. He speaks German and English. Given the company he keeps and his position the man probably lives in the same kind of terror, he doles out to those who are disloyal to him or his beloved Russia. The distance between us and him grows with the length of the tables he uses to meet with people.

The story was amusing and engaging but implausible and there were a lot of writing errors.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

The POV skips around a little here and you need to be more consistent. Sometimes it is not clear if is Putin or Viktoriya Mikhailova speaking or thinking.

These are only some of the errors I found in this piece:

A spell checker would reveal spelling mistakes e.g.
beed = bed
somehwere - somewhere
Checheans - Chechens

Also, your tenses need checking e.g.
Before going to Chechnya she had lavishly praised him and gave her sincere support. - Before going to Chechnya she had lavishly praised him and given her sincere support.

Putin like to be called "Chief". - Putin liked to be called "Chief".

Extra words:
then I should I have the patience to wait for him!

Missing words:
she couldn't figure what he was sorry for. - she couldn't figure out what he was sorry for.

Maybe some of the people already forgotten about her - Maybe some of the people had already forgotten about her

Inappropriate words:
Don't keep silence. - Don't keep silent.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Geoff Cain I found "In the Heat of Battle"  when searching for articles on Russia. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

At the beginning of Barbarossa in 1941 a squad of Russian soldiers are fighting the Germans. Low on ammunition and lacking basic provisions only three soldiers remain. As they engage the enemy one last time Zhakary is shot and his backpack spills its contents...


*Quill*Commentary

This story is set back when the Russians were the good guys being invaded by the fascists rather than invading their neighbors in the name of deNazification.

Millions of Russians were killed or captured in those first few months. Zhakary seems to have developed an interesting survival strategy here though I doubt if it would have made much difference to his prospects of survival. Most of the Russian prisoners were worked to death or starved by the Germans.

That deep wounds still inform their security concerns today.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You seem to have cut and pasted this from another writing tool. As a result, the formatting pushes the paragraph to one side of the page and there are extra spaces between words.

neither I or my men - neither I nor my men

Strapped on my back was a
German Mauser I picked up off a dead body - Strapped on my back was a
German Mauser I had picked up off a dead body

I heard the a cannon fire


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of test  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, johnnwriter . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "test"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

This is a test or as the description says: test, test, test, test. But as to what is being tested we can only speculate.

*Quill*Commentary

Maybe he is using a hidden white font to describe the route to some buried treasure or Putin's invasion plans for the Baltic Republics. I checked nothing there. Maybe he is testing our patience. OK if that was the test then you failed. One star. I really wanted that treasure map *Wink*

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Sentences begin with capitals and end in full stops. Also, you are missing a verb and a subject.

Thanks for sharing.

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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, LunaMoon . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Outside, inside, inside, outside"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Natural cycles of tide and moon and river ebb and flow with varying levels of ferocity. Peace is displaced by passion and turmoil. A full moon is hidden by clouds and its light flickers and dies. Then all returns and life has moved full circle back to peace.

*Quill*Commentary

The poem is set by moonlight and water rather than sun fire and earth. The wind comes and goes.

It seems quite spiritual or at least psychological expressing the ebb and flow of some great feeling, stress, or connection. Maybe it is better left ambiguous adding to the mystery and letting your reader fill in the blanks as he looks for the moon through fleeting clouds, rides the river currents, and hopes to survive the tidal wave from the sea.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

Every sentence begins with The. You use only one period to end the last sentence. I do not know if this was deliberate but on reflection, it works.

Sometimes you use three dots and sometimes two to indicate pauses. Three is the normal convention.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of The Pilgrim  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Christopher Eastman-Nagle . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "The Pilgrim"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Bunyon's Christian is a pilgrim on his way from this world to the next. But in this secularised version this life is all he has, the struggle tests or tempers character but could destroy also as if at a whim. There is a call for courage in the absence of any hope or faith in an afterlife. Then sanity decays and our vanities burn in a grand bonfire, the clock rings its hands and our time is up.

*Quill*Commentary

To be honest I preferred the original where the courage was rational and the character tested for a higher reason and where an account could be made at the end of the journey for lessons learned. Your secularised account gives no reason for the journey, is ultimately hopeless. Without God, this poem makes no sense. The sacrifice and the trial are not something that a godless man needs to endure as by itself it achieves no meaningful end. The same fate awaits him who passes or fails this test if there is no afterlife where a vindication or a punishment can be delivered.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

The royal "we" is used here as if you speak for everyone, is that all humanity or a claim to a deeper insight than even that? Clearly you do not speak for the majority of people in the world that have some kind of religious outlook. Third Person omniscient sits oddly with a secular commentator who is finite and mortal. Maybe Bunyon by faith in the infinite and all Knowing One could talk like this but how can you?

can their spirit be reforged - This is a question without a question mark.


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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Just One Point of View"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

The author asks here what is a "point of view" (POV)?

He highlights and articulates different kinds of examples of narrator:
1) First Person Narrator - characterized by "I" statements.
2) Second Person Narrator - characterized by "you" statements.
3) Third Person Limited Narrator - characterized by "she" statements.
4) Third Person Omniscient Narrator - a nineteenth-century device no longer used

He rejects 4) and urges us to write so that our readers engage with the texts and become the author's partners in the narrative, experiencing events as they happen and building the scenes in their own imaginations. You need to put the reader inside the character's head, to experience things as they experience them.

He suggests that 1) is harder than you might think because the effort of the writer should be directed towards showing not telling. It is easier to simply tell people but will they listen when you talk like that?

He gives various examples of what he means. The rework as a Third person's limited perspective with a focus on showing not telling was twice as long as the third-person omniscient narration.

It is all happening inside your reader's heads.

*Quill*Commentary

This was a fascinating overview of how many authors and publishers think we should be writing novels and fiction these days.

In essence, the God perspective (Third Person Omniscient) is jettisoned and the story must be shown not told. The point is to engage your reader's imagination not bore them with sermons.

The example that was given doubled the length of the text and seemed very inefficient.

This article raised the question to me of who is the author's audience? If you talk to a military man or to a scientist or indeed a busy executive then short factual statements are preferred to the "verbal diarrhea" of a long-winded explanation. That is a phrase that was applied to my offerings in various contexts many times when I waffled. If you go to a church then there are limits to how far congregations will accept engaging anecdotal reflections from the pulpit which have nothing to do with the word of God and lack the authority of pronouncement. Speak to a person who has all the time in the world and you can start talking like a novel. But so also novels on certain themes like military conflict often strive for authenticity by less flowery dialog. That said the fog of war does limit even the third person to limited in most Tom Clancy novels.

The nineteenth-century saw the emergence of the novel as a thing in often highly religious cultures. Third Person Omniscient spoke to a generation used to the voice of authority that told them what to think rather than granted them the freedom to develop their own thoughts. If novels were to compete with bibles then they had to say something worth the expense of the book. Today the output of words is much larger and being digitalized is saved and so the library grows ad infinitum. Books are cheap and can be read on mobiles on the train to work. Today is about indexes and search engines. Often people do not read the whole thing and just want the bit that is relevant. They do not want waffles they want answers to highly specific questions. Gen Z hardly read books at all anymore. In a sense Google has recently brought the modern world up to date with how people have always read their bibles, using book-chapter-verse to reference the relevant bits.

I guess being a novelist in the modern world is in part about choosing an audience and then deciding what works for that audience and how they engage with a text. My audience for WDC type outputs is mainly though not exclusively religious but I am learning that may not characterize many people on this forum and I may need to be more sensitive to that in certain contest contexts for example. Many people quite simply lack the understanding, perspective, or even vocabulary to even comment on religion these days. The gulf between the secular and the sacred is now indeed a yawning chasm.

Your text got me thinking about how Jesus used parables to explain things. He would create a block of narrative that connected with stuff and themes that people were familiar with within the context, he would tell a story with usually one simple message. This message would connect the person to a deeper spiritual lesson. But clearly, the disciples themselves did not understand what he said a lot of the time and on occasion, he would give Third Person Omniscient explanations as to what he just said. Other times he would just let the lesson sit inside the heads and hearts of his audience and one day they would just wake up finally understanding what he meant. The power of his communication was that he could plant these blocks of narrative into people in a way that stuck. So that even if they did not understand them right then they would later on. That was showing and telling but the framework was Third Person Omniscient.

In the scientific and military and business worlds the insistence on objectivity and Third Person Omniscient is often a pretense as we never know all the facts, nor understand all the historical processes and movement. You build a model say it like it is true and accept revisions when it is refuted by new facts or events. In the religious world, there are better grounds for claiming absolute objectivity regarding statements. There are holy texts that can be referenced and 2000-year-old consensuses that can be cited. Religious novels inhabit a culture in which the God perspective reigns. But God demonstrates his purpose and meaning in history and actual revelation unfolds into people's lives at a pace that they themselves can handle and choose to accept. Jesus never just says outright "I am God", yet He did say and demonstrate this.

In essence, I agreed and disagreed with this article.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

You indent your first paragraph. I thought the convention was not to do that.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Within  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Jamie Gonzalez . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Within"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

A celebration of darkness, the varying perspectives on a life recorded in different books, books that are compared to late library books not yet in their proper place. Each book describes darkness and the author, and each word is a reminder of the whole that is also "beautiful darkness."


*Quill*Commentary

I got this piece by random selection. My user name may give you a clue as to my standard position on darkness. Darkness hides dirt, sin, and ugliness. It is light that exposes, burns clean, and allows life to breathe and grow again. There is nothing to celebrate about darkness even if it is YOUR darkness. Darkness is an absence and an emptiness to be filled and burned away.

So reading your poem from my perspective, the description made no sense to me. A library of books describing nothing that can be seen is a library of books with blank pages.

The books are out of place and not yet delivered to the correct slot. They threaten to topple and fall over, but into what? into a void? In the darkness how do you know they are even there? If the void is the reality on what do these books stand?

How can a paragraph describe what you see when you see nothing. If darkness is what you see then what can be described?

The use of warmth and void together seemed odd as the dark and the night is cold, not warm.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

I would question some of the word choices as above I question the major theme of the poem and how it is constructed but overall this was written without major errors.


Thanks for sharing.

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Review of In space  
Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, Thodin Thorsson . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "In space"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

Well, the description matches the tagline of Ridley Scott's Alien, and the poem seems to combine the scenes where she enters the nest and burns all the eggs and then the scene where she is fighting the alien Queen on the ship and finally succeed in expelling her into space.

*Quill*Commentary

I do not usually go for alien movies as we have no evidence that they even exist. But there was a realism about the concept of the Alien movie. Mankind has become a space-faring civilization and its ships roam far and wide. No alien life has been discovered over many new colonies and commercial outposts and then suddenly they find one and she is a frigging nightmare as are all her offspring.

The concepts in that movie contrasted with the more sanitized Star Wars and Star Trek interactions with aliens and set them on a path towards horror and darkness. Highly adapted and frighteningly powerful it is indeed wondered if she can even be killed at all.

I think you described the emotional conflicts very well but the thing that characterized Ripley in the movie was the ability not to detach from her fears and feelings and to act professionally to resolve the task at hand, which was killing that monster. Had she been on some kind of word splurging feeling fest as in this poem I think she would have been paralyzed by fear and killed like the rest.

Effectively this was fan fiction rather than original writing and since it is written from the perspective of Ripley I am not sure it captured her character and what she had to do to kill that monster. I liked it but I wonder if that was because I liked the movie.


*Quill*Mechanical issues

It's cold, damp and dark - It's cold, damp, and dark

vaccum - vacuum

Because out here.... - three dots are standard


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Review by LightinMind
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Prosperous Snow celebrating . This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I received "Each Sunday is a New Beginning"  via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

*Quill*Reader Experience

At dawn on Sunday, the poet gives a prayer of thanks for the week that has been and the opportunity of the week that is coming. She takes the opportunity of the peace and quiet to contemplate and meditate on the projects of the week to come.

*Quill*Commentary

Sunday is the day when Christians celebrate the resurrection and the dawn of a new era. The principle here was that in Christ all had entered into perpetual rest from servile labor and no one day was needed for a sabbath anymore. The Christian sabbath has however absorbed all the principles of the old Jewish sabbath relating to rest, refreshment, and spending time in prayer. Many in the early church had a sabbath on Saturday and celebrated Eucharist on the Sunday so after 6 pm Saturday, by the Jewish calendar. Catholics still do that today having mass at 6 pm, at least here in Germany. Since the reign of Constantine Sunday has been the official day of rest and that is now regarded as the standard Christian day of rest.

I understand the French tried to decimalize the sabbath setting it every 10 days. But they found it did not work nor correspond with the rhythms of our bodies which have a seven-day rhythm and with the failure of the revolution this project also failed.

I thought you were up quite early on a Sunday. I am the only member of my family who had that discipline on a Sunday, the rest take a lie-in.

My impression was that the poem itself was simple, pure, with no errors, but a little bland and descriptive. It did not really connect with any authentic feeling. You described the day and its defined social purpose as if using trigger words designed to gain acceptance but not how you actually felt.

*Quill*Mechanical issues

You kept the structure you defined in your notes. No grammatical issues were found.


Thanks for sharing.

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