|What I liked.
I liked the way you draw the reader into the domestic setting, it feels natural. You provide strong characters and for the most part the story follows a good, logical path.
As always these are just my suggestions, please feel free to ignore them.
That was that of our argument. this felt a little awkward, perhaps That was our argument.
Neither me, nor Ryan is really too and this bit too, perhaps Neither me, nor Ryan, are really any
go to the verandah I think this should be veranda
smile at my naieve-ness. I think perhaps this should be naivety
A weak before she faced that accident Myley broke down. I was a little lost with this, what accident did she face? Also it should be Week not weak! ( I do this all the time with this sort of word
inexplicable once saw her cry perhaps inexplicable. I once saw her cry
On the whole this is a good attempt at an emotional story, there were a few moments that where confusing for me, such as the accident. It was mentioned briefly, almost in passing, and left me wondering what sort of accident was it, was it meant to make us think that it was a suicide only referred to as an accident? If so why? I also got a little caught up with the narrator's gender, I assumed from the intro that it was a man, though there where one or two bits that made me unsure on this. But that isn't really important, it was just to help me picture the characters in my head. As an emotional tale of lost love, both romantic and friendship wise it is good. You show the lasting effect that people have in our lives, no matter how briefly they are in it. The end was good though I doubt I would have been so understanding about Ryan's attitude, he made it sound as if Em was his second choice all along, which would have added to the guilt that Em seems to be feeling about Myley's death. Again this is probably just me. Don't be disheartened by the stars, this is a good story that has the potential to be a great one, I wish you well with it and would be happy to have another look anytime you need a fresh set of eyes on it.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
For Sommerlund and the Kai!
Reviewed for "Invalid Item"
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