I liked the use of colour in this, the descriptiveness was spot on and it was mainly error free. The rhyme in the prose was well handled, it never felt forced and the whole of it flowed easily.
Suggestions.
Just a wee bit, feel free to ignore it.
heard him come anywhere between I think there should be a comma here him come, anywhere between
Over all impressions.
On the whole I found this to be an informative, well written piece. You have obviously taken time to look into the facts or worse still lived through this, which adds to the article's integrity. I, like most folk, thought this type of institute was a thing of the past, it never ceases to amaze me the way folk can treat each other. I wish you all the best with this great article.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
This was an enchanting wee tale. A great mix of philosophy and fantasy.
Suggestions.
Just a wee typo,
so” I said. “I sure don’t! “What is it? as I said just a wee typo so,” I said. “I sure don’t! What is it?
Over all impressions.
On the whole I thought this was a well written, funny wee tale that gets a good message across. I won't give it away but I couldn't agree more with the old man! The flower's reaction was perhaps my favourite bit, such indignation can never be wrong! A great job all round.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the way that you tackle such a difficult subject, you show that it isn't just about the physical abuse but the psychological toll it has on the victim.
My thoughts
I found this to be a well written story. You manage to capture depression in all it's forms here and the ending was sublime. It seemed to be a logical conclusion, not a forced one. A great read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I loved the description in this, you set the scene well. It was well written an there were no typo's or grammatical errors that I could see either which as to the pleasure of the read.
My thoughts
This was an endearing tale, I could see it being read to a child at bedtime, it had that sort of flow to it. If I was to suggest anything it would be to add to the genres, perhaps Mythology and Children's. All in all though this was a good read with a nice way of explaining how river's came to be.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the moral of this tale, you give enough description to enable me to picture what's going on too.
My thoughts
This is indeed a tragic tale, it's effect was made more poignant by the fact that you and your friends had known them to a degree, it makes more real in a way, not just another accident on the roads. It is well written and the rating and genres are good, though I'd suggest adding 'experience' to them, so all in all a good job on a touching subject. It reminded me of an old family saying, nowhere is that important to get to that you need to risk your life to get there. That comes across well in this, better in fact.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This contains some sound advice, it is set out in a good, easy to read manner too.
My thoughts
I must confess I rarely pay any attention to my stars, if I get a review then I have a look, but otherwise I don't bother. It's the old saying about if they haven't the courage to say it to my face I don't much care what they think. I agree with what you say here, I've had glowing reviews and low ratings but generally they are from folk new to the site and are just following the guidelines, I have had a low rate that I did notice, (it had only been up a minute or two ) but as you say that is their opinion. I always thank those that have the courage to put their name to a low rating, and return their review, it is their opinion and I put my work out there to get them so I cannot complain when I receive it! I'd thank the anonymous too if it weren't for the technical problem of not knowing how. Don't get me wrong I don't support these fools only their right to do it if they have nothing better to do with their time. You give some great advice here and in the post that led me here, it is one of those subjects that always gets people going. Perhaps the new options will help those that are worried about it. A great, thoughtful piece that is well written and flawless as far as I can tell, complete with an excellent poem that sums it all up.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the determined tone that came across in this, I tend to take that tone with myself now and then so it's good to know I'm not alone. I think that your goals are admirable and attainable. This was well written, thought out and error free making it a joy to read.
My thoughts
I too am an asthmatic smoker so I know where you are coming from, ( I'll do it one day!) I hope it's going well, as well as your other goals. Family is important, when we are young we may not appreciate how much but with age comes wisdom and I'm betting you already have a few new memories. I don't know about you but this was more than a contest it was a challenge, a written promise to myself so I couldn't back out. A great read as always, LW.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked that you have a lot of options for your character, and reader to play in. Your premise is good and the chapters are well written.
My thoughts
I'm not generally a fan of this whole shrinking, growing, fattening up and body swapping type of interactive story, I seem to be in the minority on that so perhaps it is just me! That said, this does offer a lot of scope to the reader, apart from the size of the objects around him you can in some paths forget about size and focus on the adventure. Your rating seems fine though you may want to consider adding some genres as it will come up in more searches and be more likely to be added to. Perhaps Fantasy, Action/ Adventure and Other. All in all a good wee interactive that will appeal to many on this site.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This was a good wee tale, it had a lot of humour in it.
Suggestions.
I know it's only for fun so feel free to ignore these!
thats ok, I'm should be that's
'You cant stay long, because I dont want and again 'You can't stay long, because I don't want You have a few other's as well so you may want to check it through.
My thoughts
This was well thought out and written, a lot of fun to do and the blanks didn't require to much thinking on my part so thank you for that! Rating and Genres were accurate too, so a good job all round.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This is an interesting take on the evolution of the world we call home! I liked the way that you manage to get both view points, evolution and creation, in here.
Suggestions
Just a few wee bits, they are only suggestions so feel free to ignore then at will.
eons i watched it slowly you have this a few times it should be I
knew that I must know more I wasn't too sure on this, perhaps I must learn
hundreds of million years they Should this be hundreds of millions of years they ?
was greek could I think you meant Greek
Overall Impressions
On the whole this is a good wee tale that does exactly what it says on the tin, describes the way an outsider would view our world from start to finish. (I assume he will still be there for that having gotten what he wanted!) You give a good if somewhat hurried overview of the worlds history, I like that you get 'necessity is the mother of all invention in, it is very true, I'm surprised you missed the father (laziness!) off though. The end was a good twist and I hope I haven't given too much away already. It was well written and and a pleasure to read.
This was like reading about my own childhood! It was well written and error free which added to the pleasure of the read.
My thoughts
This brought many a fond memory, my brother and I and most of the other kids from the neighbourhood all use to hang outside, especially in the summer when we had until it started getting dark which was sometimes up to ten pm! Even in the winter we were allowed out late sometimes to watch the stars if a meteor shower was mentioned. It saddens me when I see how much times have changed in so short a period, the wild fields that served as our base camps against invasion or a new land never before visited by man are now houses, even the old tree that had split after a lightening strike and survived was torn down despite our protests. The news is full of fear about perverts being around every corner and on the inter net. We just had the fact, or so we were led to believe, that some one was going to launch a nuclear weapon at as at any moment and the planet wouldn't last much longer what with the whole in the ozone. These were all minor things to us, what could we have done anyway. I don't think the number of perverts has increased it is just our awareness of them has and the fact that they're reported. I am practically rude to young children these days, I'd rather they think all strangers are bad than have to worry about separating them out. Well, enough of a rant, sorry about that. This is a thought provoking article and a pleasure to read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the colour and style of this, it was well written and set out.
My thoughts
This is a thought provoking poem, I don't personally believe in a God, but I see where you are coming from in this. Time is a human concept, it has no place in Gods or any other realm but ours. I'm not sure I'd like to be timeless though, I think that part of what makes us human is the knowledge that our time here is limited and so we should make the most of it. I'm not a poet so I cannot really comment on the form and such, but to my untrained eye it all looks fine, as do the ratings and genres, so a good job all round.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I loved the humour in this, that and it's accuracy! It was well written, and error free too which adds to the enjoyment of it.
My thoughts
It's good to know I'm not alone! I started off small, a few wee stories I had went in my port and I figured that was that. Then I started reading the menu, I've never looked back, like House I know I'm addicted but it's not harming anyone, yet! I don't think a day has gone by when I haven't logged in. A great read from someone who obviously has the same affliction. Long may it last!
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the imagery in this, it was well written and the ratings and genres are appropriate.
My thoughts
This was an endearing little piece, the way you equate love and spring worked well, the hope that it brings. The way it makes us feel when it is in full bloom to the knowledge that it will happen again, sometime, when one relationship ends. A good wee poem.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the frank manner and content of this. The colour makes it stand out nicely too.
My thoughts
I couldn't agree more with this, I can never understand the motives behind anonymous ratings I had a word search hit which is nothing compared with what others have been through, I know those that have had their entire ports ruined in this cowardly manner. I can, to a degree, understand reviewing anonymously as sometimes people may give information about themselves that they wish to keep personal. I get angry with the minority of people that make these attacks as many people use the anonymous option for good deeds, like the Secret Pal. This is a well written account on how the majority of this wonderful community feel about these cowards. A great inspiration, as always.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the informal style of this and the understanding of the size of the site making it hard for everyone to get lots of reviews instantly.
My thoughts
I think this is a great article on the benefits of reviewing, you're right when you say it is a vital part of this site, we learn as much from doing reviews as receiving them as we learn to spot things in our own work that we would otherwise miss. With your permission I'd like to include this in my review forum under the newbies section as I think it will help them.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This had a good rhyme scheme and the flow, though a little disjointed, went with the poem excellently.
Suggestions.
Just a wee one, feel free to ignore it!
facade starting to perhaps starts
Over all impressions.
On the whole this is a very emotional poem about the effects of an abusive relationship and the hold it has over the victim. It is well written and thought out, you capture her sense of finality well. A good job all round.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the easy going style of this, it was both entertaining and informative.
My thoughts
I live not too far from London, though I rarely go there. I didn't even know of the Burial though next time I go I may well head over there! Like you I've always accepted that death is inevitable, this doesn't mean I have a death wish as some seem to think but that it I accept that someday I'm not going to be here anymore. I wouldn't want to live forever, I always thought it would be a lonely existence. That children can play among those old tombstones is a good thing as it gives them a sense of history, that death is not something to be afraid of. A great little essay.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked the easy going style of this, it invites the reader into your world.
My thoughts
I wish my bully had turned out to be so nice! It is strange how some friendships start out though, I have a few that started on less than a solid foundation, more luck than judgement as I say. This was an endearing little tale of youth and friendship that was error free as far as I could tell which made for an all round pleasant read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This was an interesting tale. It isn't my normal cup of tea, though I enjoyed it. You have a believable character here and you tell this in a logical way.
My thoughts
I think we all know someone like this, and his methods of getting his story out without seeming to brag was well done, I know someone who told the biggest gossip a secret he wanted out but it back fired as she kept it! I'm glad he sorted himself out in the end, I got the feeling a lot of what he did was out of loneliness and seeing what his lies could lead to; a funeral without attendants, and the way his lies could effect others, woke him up to the fact that only the living can give him real comfort. A good wee read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I thought this was well written and a good premise. You developed the characters well and the story followed a logical course.
Suggestions
Just a few wee bits, feel free to ignore them.
he sat down this kid was I think this should be he sat down; this kid was
be arrested, ant that’s when You'd be better off with a comma here rather than the and I think you meant.
out any disappointment. You don't really need this second disappointment.
we would be to this question perhaps he would get to this question
then I started to stop.” I wasn't too keen on this bit, perhapsthen I slowed down and eventually stopped.”
Come on, they told a wee typo "Come on, they told
se we just started another wee typo so
Overall Impressions
On the whole this was an interesting tale, I thought that you over simplified the harshness of living on the streets and generalized a little to much though, I understand that it was necessary for the tale but it did detract from the reality of the story. You tried to get it in at the end, which helped. That aside this was a touching tale about second chances, you got this across effectively.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
This is a good slice of family life, as always your characters are rich and well developed. The use of colour is well done as was the way that you informed the reader what S.S.C was at the end.
Suggestions.
Just a few wee bits, feel free to ignore them.
woman asked the lady previously mentioned. You don't really need this, it's a given that she is the one it is aimed at as she is the focus of the previous sentence.
out what exactly her lacking was. I found this a little awkward, perhaps out what was wrong with her.
Now, when she was in her mid-thirties again a few extra words that interupt the flow of this.
Over all impressions.
On the whole a good insight into another culture. I like the way you show that beauty comes in many forms, not just the physical. A pleasant read.
Thanks for sharing, keep it up!
This is a good story, you get a good atmosphere going here.
My thoughts
I liked this, it had a lot of action and a good twist at the end. I must confess to not caring much for either of them so didn't mind if they died. I get the feeling that this is part of something longer in which they have a purpose, like why would he need body guards and why would she try and kill him, how did he know that she would be there and use the same M.O. That said it did pull the reader along at a good pace, spelling and grammar where all fine as far as I can see. A good wee read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
I liked that this gave a snapshot of someone getting on with their lives after an illness. It is well written and flows easily.
My thoughts
I think this is a good look at how health issues can make us reconsider our lives, how the things that we tend to take for granted are in fact precious and should be treasured and enjoyed to the full extent of our abilities as we can never know when it will no longer be there. A good read.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up!
This had a stream of consciousness feel to it, I liked that it shows how stressful the lives of emergency personnel are and how it can cause them to let off steam in such a manner, it helps keep them sane!
Suggestions
A few wee bits, feel free to ignore them.
believer a tattered and eared King James perhaps believer does a tattered and dog-eared King James
night at Allan’s house. a wee typo Alan's
country ballets, and did you mean ballads
that compute chat programs a wee typo computer
patient form freezing a wee typo from
ass of this damn balcony should be off You have another one a wee bit later in this sentence.
Overall Impressions
On the whole a good story, you may want to change the rating to a GC but the genres are appropriate to the story. You manage to make your character sympathetic rather than pathetic which is a good job. I did find large parts of this a little confusing, which given the subject and style was a good thing! You get the drunken behaviour down well, it's amazing how indestructible a few too many can make us feel. A good wee story.
Thanks for sharing. Keep it up!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 9:06pm on May 09, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
