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3,240 Public Reviews Given
3,279 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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501
501
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here, again.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


The Hook
The cool title was enough to encourage me to read, despite the lack of a brief description. In what context would secondhand make sense? I wondered at what you were weaving. A farmer and a dragon? I can't believe I kept reading. I'm not a dragon person.

*Baretree3*
A visionary or an idiot
Each scene was easily visualized. When Silas bought equipment from the small man, I recognized this as foreshadowing, but ever the optimist, who believes in the underdog, I crafted a different meaning.

While Silas waited his turn, I thought of my dad during WW2. The only way to force the Japanese from hiding in the caves was to use flame guns. As the opposition fled, the marines shot them down. I know this sickened my father because he never spoke about the war. Not one word until the late '90's.

I related in another fashion, silly and not grim, by remembering something from high school. Standing in line, waiting my turn to hurdle the 'horse' in gym class.

*Note* Side note: Dialect can swiftly become tedious and overdone, but the tiny's man's dialogue was short enough to create interest and establish character without the pitfalls.

In my mind, the story went this way. Once Silas was disarmed and no longer a threat, the poor dragon befriended him and shared his fortune with Silas. *Facepalm* I warned you. I've ever the optimist.

*Idea* Lapse of attention
But me made it through
he made it

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I liked the droll conclusion. I can't recall a time in my life when I felt like Silas, but it made perfect sense for this story, and it made me laugh.

1000 words on the mark? I wouldn't change one thing and sacrifice that precision. In and of itself, the exact word count is a victory. You seem to handle contest prompts with ease. This usually means you were careful and cared enough about your work to edit out any mistakes. *Checkg*


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502
502
Review of The Choice  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jeff. Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


From the Top
"The Choice" is somewhat of a generic title, but the brief description put a fine edge on a dull knife. And, I must agree, you put a question in my mind that I'd never before considered. What if eternal life doesn't mean restoration of health?

Overall Impression
A story of compassion and dedication between man and wife told with precision and unique talent.

Side note:
Sorry, but I couldn't help wanting to scream. "You dummies. The fabled 'Fountain of Youth' is in St. Augustine, FL." I've been there. It's merely a fountain.

*StarR*
Plot/Setting/Characters
I like the way you begin stories with dialogue. Not everyone is successful using this approach. The gamble might leave the reader groping in the dark, but constructed correctly, it makes a strong opening. You're careful to present facts to stabilize the dialogue, firmly locking in context.

Plot, setting, and characters in place by the third paragraph. Conflict swiftly established. Time to settle in and read.

Roger and Abigail, the perfect couple. Roger cannot face the world without Abigail, often a side-effect of brilliance. Although Abigail is terminal, I formed the impression that she would be okay on her own. My siblings and I used to speculate which parent would fare better without the other. The answer is my mom.

Roger's dedication rings true, as his research becomes fevered.

When we find what we think we want our expectations are nullified. The fountain represented the futility and irony of life.

*StarR*
Parting thoughts
Of course I'm leaving here thinking, what if Abigail dies before Roger finds another fountain? Excellent closing scene.

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503
503
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jace. Nixie, again. I did warn you.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Reader, pay attention
When I read the title and brief description, a slight hesitation stilled my hand. (Oh good grief. Now I'm thinking as a colonial would.) I was concerned the story might be ugly or abusive. But no. Jace provides the reader with another historical fictionalized plot.

Time and place
Adroitly presented in the beginning, as words written in a journal.

POV
Written in third person, the character has a name. And all the names reflected the time period. Well-chosen for the plot.

Character development
As Joshua drives the plot forward, his frustration finally leads to action, (foreshadowed by his reaction to the bullies). Joshua is influenced by both parents. Right from the beginning, I'm rebelling against the father, even though I understand his motivations. Joshua's mom provided him with the much-needed counter-balance.

We need thinkers like Joshua in society, right now. Complacency has to end. Awareness must blossom.

I lost track of which generation we're dubbing the current one. X, Y, Z? Anyhow, I see this generation as making a difference.

*Idea* Considerations
I see you have a favorite word. lol
He saw the need
was a man who saw
and what he saw bothered him greatly.
The Massachusetts colony saw
He saw his inability

The formal wording is correctly presented for the era. Stiff and 'wordy', for lack of a better description. In this one sentence, I think you can be more direct.
a measure [that always tended to] calm her son.
Suggestion: a measure that calmed her son.

Lasting Impression
Joshua's character is solidly constructed. The story never flags, despite the formality. It's a bit of a history lesson, but that only added to the charm, and created authenticity.

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504
504
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jace! Nixie, again. At Kind Hearts, this is Purple Appreciation Month. We have a limited amount of purple cases, so you might see more reviews from me.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


In the beginning
Although not a fan of prompts, sometimes, by definition, they juice my writing. I rarely take on prompts that require specific words because it's difficult to blend them in. Not so with your work!

The thought foremost in my brain. Clever. Very clever.

Call to attention
Once again, the first person POV drew me in. What an opening statement! Character and conflict established.

As the plot unrolled
Even though the narrator is thinking, the declarations came from your mind. An excellent introduction on past observations led the plot forward.

I'm not sure why you switched font size in the same paragraph. Maybe begin another one when the story switches to action.

POV considerations
For me, names create character identification. In first person POV, the character sometimes is nameless, unless he's addressing himself. Otherwise, you might have provided a name in the few lines of dialogue.

The definition of 'xeric' was neatly incorporated into the story, so the reader could continue without interruption. (I wanted to look up the definition, anyway.) Labeling this term as archaic, gave the reader a heads-up as to time. *Checkg*

Lasting impression
More social observations in this piece, and I agree with the commentary. We're killing our home.

You do realize the song 'Tiptoe through the Tulips" is now stuck in my head. *Laugh*

Excellent job with metaphors all the way through.

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505
505
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jace. Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
This month at Kind Hearts is Purple Appreciation month, and I was happy to find a story with no reviews. I like giving attention to something overlooked.

The title made me leery. False smiles are as dangerous as teens who answer with "Yes, M'am." Their manners are so sweet, a person might see this kid as kind and considerate. Someone to be trusted. I'm here to agree with your smile statement and to add a word of caution about politeness.

Hook: The benign first sentences alarmed me. A man squeezing a ball belies his underlying thoughts. I liked the emphasis on your desk. Now the story has turned personal. I had to know more.

Characters/setting/plot

Character
The narrator speaks in first person, which serves the story well. We can listen to him think and see how ordinary he feels when he doesn't even stand up for his diploma. On a smaller scale, this reminded me of a high school incident, involving a solo I preformed in Chorale. Every soloist was called to the front and stood before the audience to receive accolades. Everyone except me.

For this reason, I bonded with the character.

Setting
The narrator has landed his dream career, albeit under suspicious circumstances, in a research lab. I don't blame him for not listening to the screaming voice in his head.

As the plot unfolds
Our future lies in science. The narrator takes us step by step through the process of discovery. Although scientific, it was easy to follow his actions. If such a thing is possible, I don't know, but it worked for the story.

Conflict
Animal testing is a disturbing topic. At least your character had compunction, even though he continued. He's such an engaging character, I followed every thought, wondering where this discovery would take him. Smart man, not to reveal what he created.

The plot halted for a moment, bringing the reader back to the benign introduction, the squeezing ball. Was this a metaphor for his discovery?

Lasting Impression
It took me a few seconds to understand the significance of his actions. At first, it seemed a let down. After all the gathering tension, he goes to the bank? Then the Ah-ha moment lit my brain. He's not Mr. Be Mindful of Implications. He exploited his discovery, serving the money god.

Yesterday, I was thinking about complacency in those who know what's 'right'." It is easier to be led by idiots than take action.

Great story, with subtle commentary on human ethics and motivations. Nicely done!

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Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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506
506
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Joy. Nixie, again. I couldn't resist reading another post. We seem to be on the same page.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
Good for you, being familiar with Lisa Cron's book! I'm not. With that said, her words might have rung with authenticity if she'd softened the hard-wired part. I know writing is dramatic, and maybe she was referring to a writer's mind in a clever way. What makes more sense to me is that I'm always writing stories in my head, or worst of all, narrating my life. Or my life "as it should have been." *Laugh*

I wouldn't call that hard-wiring, at all. Do you think she was just trying to be clever?

Thoughts/Feelings
I definitely agree with how our emotions and past experiences determine the way we interpret the world. The man wearing his safari hat was a great example to illustrate your point.

As to assimilating new data? I probably block out 75% of the world. I might see a person, but they don't register in my mind. I never think people notice me, but my brother is incredulous when I say that. He claims I turn heads all the time. Thanks, brother. *Laugh*

Lasting Impression
Every brain is unique, and mine is uniquely damaged. I take in information up to a point, and then my mind simply shuts down. I won't recall a movie from the night before. I can watch a movie or TV series repeatedly, and notice something different every time. But I digress.

Assimilating info on a need to know basis makes sense. But there's nothing normal about my brain. It turns on and off at its leisure. I try to take advantage of the times when its turned on. Too bad my mind isn't hard-wired for creative story writing. I'd probably be a lot more productive.

Thanks for another 'cup of coffee' chat. *Smile*

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507
507
for entry "Hooked on Books" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Joy! Nixie, here.

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts"  *Flowerw*


Overall Impression
In following a monthly review challenge for purple cases (this month) I knew exactly where to start. I see your blog entries posted every day on the Newsfeed. I don't always stop to read them, but I admire your tenacity and ability to keep a blog timely.

Thoughts/Feelings
Prompts can definitely inspire, but sometimes it inhibits the writer. I've never noticed this in your entries. Your replies are a definite reflection of you. The words never feel forced or contrived. Merely straightforward and friendly. And informative!

Wow. You read a lot of books. I'm not one for the library, and I can only afford to buy just so many books for my Kindle. It seems as if all the current novels run around 350 pages or so. I miss those thousand page novels with tiny font. What's for sale now sometimes seems a waste of money. Not all the writing is that great.

I totally agree with your assessment of novels written in earlier years. While I enjoyed them at the time, the passive writing seems dull. Recently I was chatting with my mom, who is in her eighties. She loves all the narrative and exposition, and does not enjoy dialogue.

Nothing stays the same, and I think the latest trend in novels is in pace with today's society. No one has time to read (make sure you have a lot of white space, they advise), and when they read it's done in spurts. Everyone talks so fast. Today, I had to ask the doctor to slow down because I simply wasn't comprehending. Part of that is due to my brain, but seriously, can't the world just slow down?

You're one smart lady, keeping your reading diet varied, in genre, medium, and era. E-readers are wonderful because I don't have as many stacked books around the place. Still, nothing is the same as holding a paperback. I have to stop, I'm sounding too old!

I've never tried listening to a book being read. I've listened to snippets, and the noise makes me nervous. I rarely like the reader's voice. Gosh, such a picky person.

Lasting Impression
Good grief, I babbled. Talking about books is always of interest to me. I wish you had included some links to the books on Amazon. I checked out Kaleidoscope Hearts but it wasn't of interest to me. One of my all time favorites was Winds of War by Herman Wouk. I read it in high school and managed to snag the paperback at the library's used book store. Wouk seemed the master of driving one part of the story to its climax, and then leaving me hanging when he returned to the parallel theme. I tried to read it again, no luck.

Thanks for the read, Joy. I feel as if I've had a chat with you, while sipping a cup of coffee. *Smile*

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508
508
for entry "Brothers Everlasting" 
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Shamrock* Hi, Joey! Nixie, here. I am happy to review you as a winning ticket holder in the Over the Rainbow Raffle!

Outstanding title for this entry.*Shamrock*

*Yinyang*

I read this with sadness weighing down my soul. To lose your friend, who was indeed a gift, is a hammer-blow. No matter how we view death, unexpected or not, the mind struggles to make sense of it all.

The second paragraph detailed precise moments in your shared life. In my experience, writing down these memories will serve you well later because memories fade. Already, memories of my dad are slipping.

*Yinyang*
Showing the reader how you appeared, reading the news to learn of his death, emphasized the pain of a lapsing friendship when we lose touch with others. Nothing worse than remorse to carry on with.

It seems the writing gave you some relief, and maybe a bit of acceptance. No one really knows what happens after death, although many have specific beliefs.

Stanza four, leading into five created the most impact, for me. While the other stanzas looked back, the eerie, yet comforting phrases about the apparition immersed me in the moment.

*Yinyang*
The picture you included gives the reader a fuller experience. You showed us what was, and what never will be again.

I'll venture a guess that this passage came straight from your mind and passed through your fingers. Sharing grief helps abate the pain, at least that's what people say.

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509
509
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, NoMonster. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
the title of the story reminded me of the book (and movie)"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." The brief description was an excellent example of misdirection!

Interesting concept to build a story on. After reading the ending comments, I panicked and did a bit of research. I have a hard time tracking characters from scene to scene, but it's probably due to lack of concentration. But two characters with a similar build and hair color have me squinting.

Thoughts
The story was told from a distance, rather than a singular POV, and this made it difficult to relate to the mom's plight. She was a smart woman, though, and found a way to take care of her son. At least he recognized his mother's smell.

The part about other people recognizing him as belonging to them was almost funny. Especially family members calling him different names. Wow, that's a wild plot with lots of imagination.

The reader doesn't learn about Johnny's reaction to all this, other than he was never upset when taken from place to place. Which, why would he? Poor kid.

Just a thought: Playing up the mom's reaction would make her a more believable character. Someone I could readily identify with.

Parting thoughts
Clever conclusion with the star tattoo. *Checkg*

Little known facts were creatively used to write a story. Although I felt apart from the action, I enjoyed the read. After I finished freaking out. Nice write!

** Image ID #2073436 Unavailable **


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510
510
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Chuckster. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Oh, good grief, you had me laughing. I was thinking of my mom. She lives in a community for older people and tells the most hysterical stories. But, I do not want to get old.

Thoughts
With the opening focused on seeing Krissy, I thought you had an outstanding plot right there. But the story shifted and became something else entirely.

Excellent characters in this story. The dialogue was priceless, witty and ridiculous, (in a good way). I think large lasagna was the most outrageous commentary.

You had some rather complex scenes to describe (the placement of the table comes to mind), but at all times, the action was clear in my mind. I didn't need to know who had blue hair or wore pajamas, and I'm happy you skipped describing particular appearances. In my mind, it would have detracted from the story. I rather enjoyed picturing them as I pleased.

However, I'd like to know what Charles looked like. As he took his careful steps toward the door, I was both laughing and holding my breath. If one of those elderly people got an arm around him, he'd be captured for hours.

I noticed a few small glitches along the way, but nothing that detracted from the story. Except for this one.
Mrs. Osgood, had deemed herself the table coordinator.
This is a comma splice. A lapse of attention, that's all.

It's all good.
You definitely have the skills to write. I found unique descriptions and appreciated the usage of vivid verbs that brought sentences to life. You do know you have to write the story of Charles meeting Krissy, right? *Laugh*

Because I think account anniversaries last all month, I don't consider this a late review. Technically, yes. While I hope you enjoyed the exact day, I also hope this will be an ongoing amazing month for you.


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511
511
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Beth. Nixie, here. I'm on the halfway point to your actual anniversary day, so you might want to save the review for something to read when the actual day comes. *Laugh*

Overall Impression
This past February, who knew this page would become an extension of me? I've never participated before, but you made the challenge sound so enticing, there was no point in resisting.

Now I'm challenged to review the forum, not yammer on about the amazing journey of soundtracking. (It was awesome.)

Thoughts
Even though this was the third round for many, the page still clearly defines the rules for first-timers. You're faithful to your word. Rules are rules, and without them, you'd have total mayhem.

I'll admit to a bit of trepidation when reading the line in huge red font, punctuated with a smirk. But the "After all" tempered the mood and got me thinking about the power of music. I wanted to discover part of me by paying attention to what moved me. I didn't expect to learn so much from the other participants. (I was slightly threatened by the warning to keep track of others' posts.) It seemed like a lot of work, but I found a few who really spoke to me and I focused on those.

It's weird to remember when I first joined and didn't understand what is so obvious now. How to link an item. I learned through forums like yours. If a person did not understand linking, they'd get it after reading this. Excellent explanation through demonstration.

In closing

Right from the beginning, I grasped how much you cared about the results, not just the rules, but by what we would discover about ourselves. I didn't expect you to read all the entries.
Wow. Oops. Back to chatting about the activity, not the forum. The only thing I didn't understand was the meaning of the teams. Reading through the latest forum posts, I've been enlightened.

Something else very special, and not just you. This challenge was about the participants, not a competition among other members. Because of this, I was able to relax and enjoy the experience. Really, I wanted the merit badge and the ribbon. *Laugh*

I noticed Gaby gave you the music award. Dang, I wish I'd thought of it first, because you are more than deserving. Enjoy your anniversary!

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512
512
Review of The Awakening  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Matthew. Nixie, here.

Overall Impression
Although I'm at odds as to how the story was told, I liked the suspense of not knowing, and the narrator spoke in a smart-alack way that seemed entirely justified. That Commodore seriously messed up the narrator's life, but early in the story, he fled, taking the Commodore's daughter. Hah! That felt good.

Thoughts
You excel at creating characters, which is what keeps me linked in. Although Marcie struck out with Robert, escaping her father, she found her own career that sometimes worked with Robert's, but she was independent enough to run alone. Oh, I like strong women. Nice job portraying her.

Along with Robert, I did kind of laugh at her moment of drama. I thought the dad had him for sure. And does it make me a bad person if I also agree with Robert about abandoning the dad? I probably couldn't do it. My guilt would eat me up.

People are much too curious. Why can't we leave rune-marked doors alone? Up until the door opened, the story was about two young adults living life on the edge, defying the father. Enough drama right there.

How true, same as in life, an event happens that makes everything else inconsequential. Kind of like learning your sister has leukemia. Nothing matters anymore.

So my hedging about how the story was written--the tenses change too many times. And the actual time in between scenes was abrupt. Robert's talking about smuggling, and in the next paragraph, he's telling the reader where he is. If the way you wrote it works for you, then ignore me. I'm here to celebrate, not suggest.

Quickly, you could add paragraphing for an easier read. Always begin a new paragraph when a different character acts of speaks. And the punctuation needs correcting.

In closing
I'm not sure how successful the genre of Steampunk is. I don't come across too many of them, but they are fun to read.

Keep writing your remarkable characters. They are your treasures. *Thumbsup*


** Image ID #2073436 Unavailable **


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513
513
Review of Mosaic  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Stephan. Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
I found your work here. "Noticing Newbies Newsletter (February 24, 2016)" 

An interesting write that left me with more questions than answers. Is there more to the story?

Thoughts/Feelings
Excellent job dragging me into the mind of Gzelt. His emotions played out emphatically. Rage, misery, unfairness, guilt, and acceptance, to name a few.

I'm guessing you know what's behind this story, but the reader? What is the circle? Was there an experiment gone wrong. What exactly happened to Selan? And if everyone who knew about the incident had to die, shouldn't the queen and everyone else who were aware of the project suffer the same fate? Usually the rulers make sure they have plausible deniability.

I liked the way you showed the various reactions of the other members. Each was believable and authentic. If I was sitting there, knowing my fate from the outset, I would be resigned. Still, according to modern media (lol) no one is ever subjected to the agreement, or they manage to sneak away.

Many of the sentences took me by surprise. One example, the desk breaking under the weight of one letter struck me as unique.

Gzelt was the only one who stood before the queen and her mask. He seemed to be the one most aware of etiquette and how to address the queen. I found his speech convincing, and even though I already liked him, my esteem for him rose.

The Judges were present as well (save one)
Hmm. Who is this judge? Someone who might cause trouble? Someone who ran?

Members of MOSAIC could choose between "exile in the Labyrinth, or death by infusion." The first, although not explained, can be imagined. How did the word infusion relate to their death? Was the word used creatively as in 'drinking a lethal potion'?

Oops
and their was no way
there

*Idea*
Paragraphing would greatly improve the reading experience. And it might make understanding this work easier.

Lasting Impression
The conclusion seemed at odds with me. The world was on the brink of imminent destruction, yes? This could not be stopped by anyone? How did the MOSAIC team sacrificing their lives make any difference? As I said, many questions.

Still, s strong and evocative write that kept me focused throughout. If only I had the answers. Maybe you have something further to write? You have the skills.

*Thumbsup* Outstanding character names. Keep writing!

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514
514
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cecelia! Nixie, here.


*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
After a few sentences, a feeling of doom captured me. The journey seemed so odd, I wondered where Mandy and the narrator were leading the children.

Thoughts/Feelings
The prose served the plot well. It's necessary to bring the reader all the way into the story, and poetic descriptions help form the scene. Sometimes, prose becomes purple, overdone, but I didn't feel that way as I read this.

I kept wondering what was wrong with the narrator. Most find beauty in nature, a setting you created to showcase the awesomeness. Yet, the narrator sees only in grey. The contrast was startling. What made her and Mandy so glum and unresponsive to the children?

So this story is a dream prompting a story. Dreams are open to interpretation, and even the dreamer might be confused, unable to process the happenings.

The way to the save haven is accessible only by trudging through shallow water, and it's here the narrator begins to unravel, thoughts spiraling ever downward.

My mind running wild
With a bit of work, you can mold this into a fictional story, filling in the blanks. Mandy and the narrator (you) would make fascinating characters, and my mind churns, thinking of the implications of leading the children. Something awful must have occurred. An attack of some sort? Escaping from war? How would they know about the wooden shack? The story would need more characters and a setting.

With the basic material already sketched by your dream, you have a tremendous boost up the ladder to a fictitious story, if that is of interest to you. Or maybe you've accomplished what you intended. Either way, I enjoyed the read.

A few areas would benefit from tweaking. Less is more in fiction. That's where I would start, anyway. Cut back any extraneous words. Use an active voice rather than passive verbs.

Lasting Impression
I apologize for manipulating your dream. Whatever comes of this is yours. I got caught up in setting and action. My mind was filling in the blanks.

And when I remember (you) died in the conclusion, my mind backs up, reconsidering my words. Fascinating dream. Look how much you prompted my imagination. *Thumbsup* *Star*


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Review of Rocks for Mama  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi, Nikola. Nixie, here.



Overall Impression
Your story made me smile, gave me chills, plucked a chord of sorrow, and had me laughing. That's quite an emotional response from one story! An added bonus, your writing style is lovely and clear.

A few thoughts
Don't ask me why, because it's totally incongruent with the story, but I pictured this happening in downtown Savannah. And, I pictured The Painted Lady houses in San Francisco as the home where the sisters and mom lived. Completely incongruous.

I miss my older sister every day, so I enjoyed reading about the older one watching out for Emily. Both little girls were lovable, but my heart belongs to Emily because I have a rock collection. Hundreds of them placed all around my villa. My grandchildren love playing with them, but I won't allow them to take any home. And when I was moving from NYS to Florida, a man stopped by (three times) wanting to buy some of them. For me, the story rang true.

Kelsey had to assume the role of the more serious, stable girl. She simply could not entertain the idea that Emily's rocks were special. Obviously, Luke was special, but hey, I'm going with the mood here. And he was charmed by Emily, same as me.

So cute when Em told the guy he needed a haircut, and then the next day be concerned that she had done something wrong.

Lasting Impression
I can't help but think, even in today's society, that somewhere, somehow, there are still random acts of kindness on such a grand scale.

I broke out laughing when I read Emily's last sentence. What a fantastic demonstration of a child's thinking. It makes me want to cuddle this character you created. Thanks for the read! No ratings are allowed for this story, so I'll have to show you.
*Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*



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Review of It comes in waves  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Roz. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*



Overall Impression
The first stanza grabbed my attention. Your work is an excellent portrayal of depression. Whenever I hear or read that word I want to stomp out its existence, to choke the powerful life from its clutches. Depression is a monster that can be subdued, but rarely defeated.

A few thoughts
And the worse part about being repressed but present was vividly expressed here. I despise the way it unexpectedly takes over when life is running smoothly, for once. Right in the middle of enjoyment, depression butts in. You found a simple, yet eloquent way to show the reader how horrible this illness can be. One day I'm fine, the next, I don't want to read, or watch television, or write. I don't want to move.

Lasting Impression
Because I'm not a happy person, at least depression can't take that away from me. I'm not miserable and lost, just realistic. After being smacked around by this disease, I've learned to not be expectant. In a way, I'm holding my breath every day, waiting to see if the monster appears. Still, there are many days when the threat is far from my mind.

I liked the repetition of each stanza beginning with the same phrase. The first stanza is the only one where a comma appeared. For uniformity, you might want to delete that curly-cue mark.

In simple words that anyone can relate to you've captured the demon and showed it to everyone. Like the girl in that dated movie starring David Bowie that I can't remember the name of, I want to stand up and shout. "You have no power over me."



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Review of One Seven  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ryan. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


Overall Impression
Excellent title and brief description. Both were succinct and expressive, the same as the story.

A few thoughts
The first few sentences or paragraph is the author's chance to snag the reader and entice her to continue. For me, I was confounded by the sheer amount of words and description.

Everything in a story is there to further the plot. A [very nice looking hotel] is too generic. Are you trying to show the reader that the sniper is holed up in an exclusive area, a place unlikely for an assassination? The sentence beginning with 'he stares steadily' goes on much too long. Also, how can a stare be anything except steady? Beware the use of adverbs. *Wink*

Here's an example of using less words. Your first sentence distilled down to bring focus to the scene. Just a suggestion.
Adam, perched in his shaded loft, squints at the sun.

*Idea*
“You said one two four seven, Devin?” [H]e asks his spotter.
“You said one two four seven, Devin?” he asks his spotter.

Each character has a separate paragraph.
“That’s him.” Devin insists. Adam finally lines..."
Begin a new paragraph with [Adam finally lines...]

Action comes before dialogue
“Yeah, that’s definitely him. Let’s rock.” Adam confirms, a little surprised at how much the target actually looks like the photograph.
Adam, a little surprised at how much the target resembles the photo, replies, "Yeah, that's definitely him."

Do snipers say "Let's rock?" I think 'Light 'em up" is more commonly heard. Or simply, "Target acquired."

My military jargon is rusty, but if the target is identified as Alpha, why is Tango taken out? Also, I think a sniper's comments would be more harsh than the final sentence.

Lasting Impression
Overall, a tight little drama that could benefit from a few tweaks, or added realism. And less words in the beginning. *Laugh* Okay, I'm done suggesting. I only go on and on when I like what I've read. Keep on writing.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi, Intuey! Nixie, here. Celebrating 13 years of membership with you by composing a review.

Overall Impression
Fun write! This story drew my attention because I entered the same contest. I like reading how others handled the prompts. I must say, this story impressed me.

Thoughts
As I began reading, it was nearly impossible not to catch the girls' exuberance, so I gave up and went with it. What struck me was the description of the room, with all the Christmas decorations and presents. Several vivid verbs reacted with the words. I felt myself sprinting alongside the girls as they skipped down the hill.

Oh, and the elves? Too funny.

Since Jesse was surprised by the strength in Sarah's grip, it made sense that Sarah had some fast talking to do if she wanted Jesse to play along. Great imagery, there.

Two (ing) words so close together in the beginning was slightly distracting. But you quickly pulled out of that trap.

spitting up from underneath [or] shoes,
our shoes

In closing
After all the excitement, the closing slowed everything down, while the counselor (er, head elf) explained how the rest of the day would play out.

When we had big Christmas celebrations, our rule was one person at a time unwrapping a gift, rather than tearing into all the gifts. That way, everyone felt appreciated. Buyers and un-wrappers alike.

I liked the bit of history you included at the conclusion. *Checkg*

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dwolfy. Nixie, here.


*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
This second chapter came up on random reviewing, so I headed back to your portfolio to read chapter one. The pacing was fast, and I felt as if I knew Mike quite well, even after such a short scene.

The intensity of the scene, and the final line encouraged me to keep reading. Mike knew something was off, and I liked the way you showed that.

Thoughts/Feelings
So, I don't know why, but I thought Mike was leaving the building to see Pat. Possibly because the 'smells' didn't match. In Chapter one, Mike smells wet concrete, but this chapter opens with steam pipes groaning. It could just be me, but maybe another mention of this being the same building would help.

Mike was in quite the mood to rip that phone cord out of the wall! Awesome demonstration of character. After easing the door shut, indicating calmness, the move was bold and violent, something I'd already expected to see from him, due to the first chapter. Bang. From easing the door to ripping a cord. I don't think I'd want to get in his way.

Pat is more of a side character, so far. He's there for Mike to play off of. He also seems to share my opinion of Mike. Get out of his way.

*Idea* A few oops.

“What are you gonna do[] Mike?”'
“You don't wanna know []Pat.”
Missing commas

halfway to the Hospital
Since hospital isn't a proper noun, there's no need to capitalize it. If it's Grey's Hospital, then yes. It has a specific name.

he took up a pencil to doddle
doodle?

Lasting Impression
I really liked Mike until the last paragraph. His violence fits in with his character, I hope he doesn't do something stupid. He seems to know who would hurt Velda. Is there a romantic attachment anywhere? Considering the title, I think Mark is planning something not so healthy for whomever hurt Velda.

Killer last paragraph, and even more vivid last sentence. I liked how you tied up the story by ending with an impression of the hospital. Well done!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fallen. Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
Excellent title!

Oh, nicely done! You have a strong message here, and I think breaking this into stanzas will emphasize your points. For example, maybe the four phrases with "One can--" can be set apart.
Then begin a new stanza for the next four phrases, and so on. Just my take on it. The structure is purely a stylistic choice.

Thoughts/Feelings
I've tried the 'love' thing more than a few times, and I think your poem expresses the dichotomy well. With the light, there must be darkness, and vice versa.

I dance aside now, any time I feel love might be approaching. Perhaps one heart can fix it all, but as you so eloquently stated, there's a price to pay. I guess as long as the light and dark balance each other, people have a straight shot at love. I tend to settle for less than I should and no longer trust myself. That's okay. I like being alone.

*Idea*
The little stuff
Consider increasing the font size for an easier read. Some of us with older eyes have to squint. lol

Generally, the rule of thumb in poetry is to be consistent with punctuation. Either all the same, or none at all. For the most part, you used periods. In a few places, though, you used commas. No huge deal, just something to think about.

Thoughts/Feelings
You really brought home the point, and the poignancy, with the last four lines. Even though some of the words were repetitive, I never sensed a lack of interest or impact. Well done!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mari! Nixie, here.


*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Overall Impression
The title sent me back into remembering "The Who's" 1969 album Tommy. No relevance to your story, but that was my first reaction.

Thoughts/Feelings
You've touched on a sensitive issue. There will always be poverty, and there will always be those who feel the impoverished are lazy people who simply do not want to work. Others say any donated money will be spent on drugs. That's crazy talk for me!

But it is difficult to believe handing a few dollars to the man with the homeless sign will make a difference. I do it anyway.

The hopelessness and bleak picture painted here is something that cannot be read without evoking a strong reaction. I expected to be dragged down by the sheer amount of stanzas, but each one painted another, different image. Each built on the one before, as it climbed toward the crescendo, where it quietly whispered the last message. I liked the contrast between the desperate stanzas and the near innocence of those six words.

Lasting Impression
You've created some powerful images here. Stanza five struck me as the most vivid with the comparison of weapons and fisher price toys. Great job finding strong words and inventive ways to phrase ideas. Nothing common about your work. It's all unique, expressive, depressing, and true.

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there. Nixie, here.

Welcome to WDC from
*Balloonr* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


*StarR*
Overall Impression
A horse story! What a delightful surprise. Even though it leans toward the YA genre, the plot kept me entranced.

*StarR*
Plot/Setting/Characters
The opening lines impressed me immediately, because the action was on the path, not the characters.

I loved the image of a boy swooping on an appaloosa. At this point, the reader has an entire world opened for them, and I was anxious (in a good way) to see how this would play out.

Excellent job creating memorable characters. Even though Truffy is the younger sister, she's not subordinate to Brandy. And she doesn't pull back with her sarcasm, further endearing me to her. She's definitely more reserved and concerned than her brother, but her warnings and fears were appropriate for a young teen.

With Brandy's wild fantasies, which I gobbled up, the kid needed a voice of caution. He hardly listened, only agreeing with her a few times. Brandy was driven to own a horse, but Truffy made a good point. No one can own an animal.

The backstory of the family and its' plights wove seamlessly into the words. At all times, I was firmly rooted in the setting, and in the time frame. The only time I felt uncertain was after the brother and sister left the old guy's place. I thought they were off Jergens property already, when Brandy told his sister to camp on his lawn.

At the first appearance of the herd, I knew exactly what was happening, but the scene was painted with gorgeous strokes. Clues were apparent from the reaction of Sheriff and Kelsey. Both horses were spooked, and Brandy should have given more thought to their apparent fear.

As the plot unrolled, the suspense built. The pacing was even, running fast and alternately slowing down, when the teens met Jergen. I suspected he would be the voice of reason, but his reaction validated my suspicions.

Owning the horses was Brandy's dream, but he also thought about how his family would benefit. Such grandiose plans fit the young teen's character. Still, I felt an affection for him because he cared about his family.

The dialogue was believable, and was balanced by the action. Not too much of either. It moved the plot forward, and after they left Jergens, I was about to die of anticipation.


The small stuff ▼


*StarR*
Parting thoughts
Only a sprinkling of errors appeared, and none of them distracted me.

I was relieved when the mystery was solved and the plot concluded. The suspense was very effective. And at the end, Brandy had to agree with Truffy.

The horses, the characters, the plot, all resounded with clarity and focused detail. Excellent job!

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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Mari! Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
The title made of think of Death of a Salesman.

I enjoyed reading this poem partly because of the unusual theme. I like imagining places I've never seen, and you painted not only a setting, but also distinguished the appearance of the mourners.

Thoughts/Feelings
The scene in stanza 3 where they put white marble rock caught my attention because it's precise and clearly visualized. Sound, sight, scent, all are vividly portrayed as the stanzas unfold.

Some of the line breaks caused me a bit of confusion, but perhaps this is a stylistic choice.

Irish culture is unfamiliar to me, but I would think even for a modern funeral, the mourners would wear kilts. The mention of fairies and the other fantasy figures challenged me. Trying to knit this together-- since the words village and pub appear in later stanzas, I wondered if this was more of a mythical, or ages of old, poem.

Fascinating observation that the funeral scene is one of serenity and beauty. I cannot bear to see my dad's grave.

Most remarkable is the cultural influence, as I'm sure was your intention. It makes me want to travel to Ireland, to see and smell the particulars of this place.

Lasting Impression
The sense of tragedy contrasted by celebration balanced out the poem and brought closure for the reader, and the characters. I wondered how this young man died, a question in my mind that brought me back to when this funeral took place. Now maybe I'm supposed to understand all of this without questioning. Regardless of era, traditional events are often practiced even in modern times.

I'm quite certain I'm throwing non-essential questions at your lovely work. It's my writer's inquisitive mind that craves more understanding.

The poem is alive on the pages, and I'll be thinking about it for more than a few hours. I hope my words make some sort of sense. If not, ignore them. *Wink* Nice work! Keep writing.



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Kyle! Nixie, here.

*Balloonb* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *Balloonb*


Overall Impression
The prologue is an interesting mix of setting, culture, relationships, and emotions. Whatever is happening, wherever it is, this is war. And it sounds like futuristic war. Perhaps preceding a dystopian future?

Thoughts/Feelings
Because the reader is introduced to futuristic warfare, we have to rely on descriptions to paint the scene. I wasn't exactly sure what the dashboard console or mech-armor meant until I continued reading. I sort of filled in the blanks. As the story unfolds, I'm certain all will be made clear.

Rain makes for a great setting to set a dreary mood or something of impending doom for the characters. I'd say the story is a little cliche, a disapproving father, a son, with much to live for, dies for his brother, the younger brother left in shambles, guilty and seemingly defeated.

In a few places, the punctuation could be improved. Some run-on sentences could be shortened by using periods, not commas. This was most apparent in the longest paragraph, where many details were laid out. It's an important piece of knowledge for the reader. You might want to give that another look, and see if you can shorten the sentences. The sword sounds amazing. I'd like to see it with more clarity.

Lasting Impression
That reaper sounds like one nasty dude. Is it mechanized, as well? I'm guessing Zeke will find the courage to avenge his brother and prove his manhood to his father. It should be a grand adventure!

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Review of Death at Sea  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Nixie, here.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Overall Impression
An interesting concept or perception that left me vaguely mournful, but also proud of the fishermen for doing the right thing and not exploiting the mermaid. That's quite remarkable among humans today.

Thoughts
Your work is so lengthy, you could almost put this into short story format. Of course, then, you'd have to change the phrases into sentences, which could possibly destroy the magic conjured here.

Stanza four was brimming with power, due to verb choices. Just so I understand, the fishermen hear the mermaid on their first day? But their nets are empty? They leave one net in overnight? And her song carries into their dreams? And on the second day she's captured, but already dead? Was she dying the day before when they heard her crying? Sorry for all the questions!

In the first stanza, who is crying salty tears? The men? Later they look into the salty brine, so you might want to try for something less repetitive.

Try not beginning phrases with the word [there].
A suggestion for stanza three
*Right* A mysterious and mystical beauty
is found--

It's a minor point, but in poetry, every word has to count, to create a vivid scene with no padding.

Beautiful description of her being unraveled and revealed by the men.

In closing
This is a good write, but I can see it becoming something stronger as your skills grow. Not to say there's anything wrong with it as is. I'm just thinking out loud. Ignore what doesn't work for you. *Wink*

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