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Review Requests: OFF
3,221 Public Reviews Given
3,260 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review of Shot in the Face  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lesley. Nixie, here.

*Type*
Overall Impression
I have to admit the title shocked me. It made me vaguely uneasy, and maybe a bit frightened to read it. The brief description created sympathy, and from there I chose to read it.


*Type*
Setting/Plot/Characters
Coming from your personal experience, the story brought me right into your life, and even though the topic was upsetting, your voice was friendly and inviting.

I enjoyed 'hearing' about how the various branches of law enforcement worked, and the light moments elicited a few smiles from me.

With the way you write, I felt like I was standing right next to you, watching all the events.

Dialogue was sprinkled throughout, adding personality to the narrative, and therefore preventing the dreaded telling.

I wanted to cry for Buckshot. Same as you, animal neglect infuriates me. That little pony/mule was lucky to have been found by you. Every single mark you found on that little guy, the bites, to the final insult of buckshot, sent a shriek of anger through me.

*Delight*
Stand out moments
What struck me the most was the interaction between Athena and the pony/mule.

*Type*
Considerations
I wanted to say, “What did I do now?”
Since you're not actually saying the words, italics are needed here. Quotations indicate actual speech. I noticed this a few times, something easily corrected.

She responded by hopping --
Horses hop? I was thinking 'bunnies hop.'

I heard a rustling to my left [after about thirty minutes]
The introductory phrase comes first. [After about...I heard]

After preforming
oops. typo. performing

*Type*
Lasting Impression
Your kindness and compassion, along with your knowledge, will keep this story forefront in my mind. You told a horrifying story, yet it wasn't too horribly difficult to read because of your personality.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*

** Image ID #2111173 Unavailable **


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427
427
Review of Tower for Two  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Markus. Nixie, here. I found your narrative through 'read and review' in the left hand column.

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title drew me in, and what writer isn't curious about what another writer thinks? I have to say you're bravely blatant and derisive concerning your personality. I think you could be a little kinder to yourself. With a turn of words, you could show the negative as the positive. What's wrong with cloud-gazing? Who cares about what other kids played. Why hold yourself in comparison to anyone? And no way would I write 'social deviance' in association with your personality.

Many of us have experienced life in the same way. What's different is perspective. I chose not to 'share my tower' with anyone. I've tried, and I always choose poorly. I'm better off alone.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
You might consider breaking this up into one or two paragraphs, to prevent the overall appearance, a block of text. At least one new paragraph beginning with "Through my social..."
And perhaps a third at "This brings me to ..."

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
What are these empty achievements all about? What you described in the sentences above did not sound empty to me. I think those pursuits are something to be proud of.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
One other possibility occurs. Maybe a whole bunch of readers would like to be your friend, if you'd allow them. However, self-deprecation at this level is depressing, not charming. Nothing is wrong with being a loner, unless, of course, you're lonely.

Living requires self-acceptance, even if we don't like what we've become. We have to allow ourselves to be who we are, and be okay with that. Okay, lecture over. *Laugh*

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. You prompted some thoughts in me, which is an accomplishment right there.

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428
428
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile* Hi, catdok. Nixie, here. I found your poem while surfing the "read and review" option.

*Snow4* Overall Impression
You caught me in your story-weaver's net because the contrast between a parasol and winter was so unlikely, I sat here for several moments before beginning the review.

I rarely stop and read poetry, so that's a double high-five for you.

*Snow4* A few thoughts
Since I don't write poetry, I'm unaware if repeating the last line in each stanza has a specific 'type'. The placement of the line was very effective in deepening the overall reading experience.

The presentation showed similar line length giving the poem a more or less balanced feeling. I also prefer poetry with no punctuation, as you have written yours. That allows me to take the work at my own pace, pausing when it feels right to me.

With only two tangible items, a parasol and winter, you formed four unique stanzas. Each carried the theme, but nothing felt repetitive.

*Star* The angel of the icy squall gave me more pause than any of the other lines. Again, the contrast appealed to me. An angel in the midst of winter ice.

I don't think you have to capitalize winter, but perhaps it's appropriate for this poem. Winter is as much a character as the girl, or the parasol.

Um ... I associate 'nature's call' with the need to find a bathroom, so I had to re-read that stanza to overcome my initial thought. However, I understand you're referring to the majesty of nature.

*Questionb* Her still I see ...
This line sounded off, with still in the beginning of the phrase. Just an observation.


*Snow4* Lasting Impression
The poem concludes with the narrator having aged as the stanzas ran. I have to agree. It seems the older people get the more likely they are to recall small details that make them happy. That's a broad, blanketing observation. I'm not saying it's true for everyone, but it felt quite tangible as I read. Winter makes me think of being older, probably because I'm hunched up, braced against the frigid air.


*Snow4* Nicely done!




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429
429
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ken. I was browsing through read and review and stumbled across this piece. Are you sure it was written for the Halloween contest? Because I did that one, and it definitely wasn't about Christmas. But I did do a Christmas one, and I remember this prompt, so maybe you just mixed up the link, silly.

Overall Impression
A short story from you is a surprise. I think of you as a poet. I rarely read poetry because I'm a non-poet and don't want to insult anyone when it's obvious they're working on a specific form.

The plot unfolds
No doubt from the first sentence who the characters are, and who is in charge here. After that, reading was like going down a hill in a one horse open sleigh. Wait, that's Thanksgiving, right? *Headbang*

The play on words was excellent, with Merry sleighing Santa with her words. Very clever.

The surfer dude was immediately recognizable through your description. You really captured the mood, and the lingo. I thought Kris would be the one confused by the slang, but maybe he's more worldly than Merry. Nice take on the names, by the way.

I think this is the first time I've come across a sentence that begins with an adverb that 'tells the reader how to feel' before the dialogue and it actually worked. Sometimes those (ly) words do the trick.

Lasting Impression
Everyone needs time to relax and laugh. It's a wonderful moment when I come across a piece where I can sense the author's lightheartedness and easy manner. The story left me feeling, well, uplifted. lol Do you have to have so much fun when you write? Now go fix that link.

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Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


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430
430
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Intuey. I was browsing through read and review and stopped on your item. Now I know the secret as to how the Cup members stay united. Just kidding.

Hmm. This is my first time reading an alphabet poem. I might have written one in grade school, so this challenge would be an excellent way to loosen up and relax. Except, are you really saying goodbye to the others? Because that throws out my entire perception. *Headbang*

I can imagine how challenging this was, even though it looks effortless. It couldn't have been easy to come up with an original line for every letter. Some of the phrases rhymed, but it wasn't consistent. I saw no need for a rhyming scheme, anyway. The beauty is in the words.

As a whole community, anyone could read this and relate to the experience. Even non-cup members. WdC is a unique place that brings individuals together through common interests. Sometimes it's sharing blogs, or contests where we read each other's entries.

Your work is also pertinent every day because we have a lot of comings and goings. At times, we're tight with certain individuals, and then we may drift apart, only to find ourselves back together on a different project. Totally unaware the other(s) were participating.

The two lines that struck me *Lightning2* were "Taking the prompt..." and Xeroxing ..." The first made my heart pound a bit. We often tell each other to write beyond what we fear. The xeroxing line was just plain clever. It's not so easy to find words beginning with x's.

I wonder if I should have the feeling of intruding? Of peering at something not intended for me? Then I slap myself upside the head. We're all here, and all our work is for public consumption. Unless it's group-related. Maybe that's why it felt like peeping? What you're describing is a close-knit group of people who stayed in touch throughout a challenge. Am I contradicting myself? How about, it works for everything? Great work, here. *Smile*






Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie, Captain "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
431
431
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Wendopolis. Nixie, here with an early celebratory review. Fourteen years at the end of January? Impressive.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I was trawling the anniversary pages and clicked on your name. Why did I choose this story? The title is kind of interesting, but the brief description doesn't offer up any clues. But once I read the first sentence, I was hooked. *Checkg*

*Baretree3*
A closer look
What a delightful character! The loose 'chain of thought' format worked wonders for showing this woman's character. So quickly did I catch on, I could pretty much guess what her next thought would be. And the way she repeated everything? Hysterical.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
I don't know any watching-type neighbors, but I have one who is really mean, and probably thinks horrible things about me. I send her loving thoughts, which I'm fairly certain she kicks in the butt and converts the positive to negative.

I'm simply happy to have found this story because of its unique style and plot. I feel as if I've just watched a crime show tv series, only better than anything on television. I knew she wouldn't go in to that house.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I enjoyed walking alongside this character, privy to all her idiosyncrasies and snide, but quickly made kind, comments. Of course she doesn't judge anyone. *Laugh*

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432
432
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi RatDog. For me, anniversaries run all month, so I'm here a bit, well, way early to celebrate yours.

HAPPY WDC 16th! ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
From trawling the anniversary page, I chose your name because I've never noticed it before. I don't know when you were last on, so that could explain it. I wonder if you'll ever see this review?

After that, how did I choose this story? I can't resist opening boxes, and this little item looked like something wonderful to read. Excellent brief description because it's a hint, but also a clever question. It drew me in. *Checkg*

*Baretree3*
Character/Setting
From the first sentence, I'm aware that this narrator will be a real 'character' in both senses of the word. A strong story character, and a character in the sense that he's kind of a wiseguy. Not my thing in real life, but the flippant attitude was catchy.

He couldn't even get the Pandora part right. *Laugh* With the unrealistic and idiotic thought about DVD's being in the box, the reader knows the situation was only going down from there.

You didn't drag out the plot, just dove in and let the narrator do all the talking. The horrors worsened as he continued, but my smile came faster. The 'blood' part was disgusting, though.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
After all the antics and apologies, our character continues in a wiseguy voice, but he's spot-on. If the population was decreased, our planet might have a chance at survival.

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433
433
Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Arakun. Ten years of membership? Now that's something to be proud of. My review is celebrating your anniversary month, if not the exact date.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews"  *Cakeb*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
I was browsing the 'anniversary page' and recognized your user name from a while ago. And, of course, from your contest. I chose this story because, and this sounds ludicrous, the title rhymed. I had a feeling the story would be light and breezy, and this plot did not disappoint.

Lovely cover art! Brief and intriguing description.

The prompt words never seemed forced, and the story was as much comedy as educational. I didn't research to check for accuracy, but this certainly sounded convincing. "The prairie the most endangered ecosystem..." Okay, then I did investigate, and the statement is indeed true. The category of 'environment' should have been a major clue, but I dove headlong into the plot, and then mulled over what I'd read.

*Baretree3*
A closer look/Characters/Setting
Who can resist two old(er) women sitting on a porch, watching their husbands toil. Both men came from different backgrounds, but enjoyed the same hobby, or so it seemed, until the conclusion.

Katie and Harry are a lovely couple. I was delighted by the image of him twirling his wife around. When Katie said she was about to ask Harry what xeric meant, I thought, yeah, me too! Dang, he never answered, so I had more research to do. Either I'm incredibly uneducated, or you're extremely well read on this topic.

The baby's birth interrupted the plot in a pleasant way. The reader is becalmed and amused listening to the conversation when the couple jumps into action. The one paragraph describing their experience with the newborn was sufficient enough to bring the reader back to the main plot with a satisfaction of expectation. Too much interruption might have disrupted the flow, but not so in this case.

*Baretree3*
Voice/mood
Without insult, I'd say this story was told in a down-home, honest-to-goodness lighthearted manner, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Your voice is friendly and inviting.

*Baretree3*
Emotions evoked
It's so weird what stories bring to mind. Martha was fretting over Fred wrestling farm equipment from the truck. Three years ago, my dad passed, and I remember my mom being so upset with him when he wanted to garden in the Florida sun.

*Baretree3*
A closed book=lasting impression
I imagine Harry's shocked look will remain in my mind for the rest of the day. Despite the disaster, I couldn't help smiling.

An awesome write!

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434
434
Review of Phone rings...  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Adrian. Nixie, here, dropping by to celebrate your NINTH Account Anniversary. What an accomplishment.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Overall Impression
The writers who intrigue me are the ones who can get inside a person's head and weave a tale that I can bond with. I don't have a mom like the character in this story, but the awfulness of the situation reaches me on a deeper level. The level that some authors, like you, illuminate what lies underneath (the inner motivation) captivates me.

The plot unrolls
Right from the beginning, the reader knows this is a dysfunctional family. Is there such a thing as a functional family? I doubt it.

During the conversation, the exchanges are awkward. Both parties are fulfilling a duty they dislike, but are still caring enough to exchange brief communications. Although the relationship is strained and unpleasant for both, I was still happy that at least they were trying to maintain contact. Even though neither party actually cares about the other, it's better to stay current in case of unexpected tragedy. How awful if communication is completely tossed away, and then a parent, or the adult son/daughter perishes. How would someone live with the guilt?

Probing
The reason for the dispirited exchanges wasn't revealed until the conclusion. Everything fell into place, and I was furious with the parents. It sort of threw out my hopefulness that at least some contact was preferable to none. The parents called only for the purpose of berating their son/daughter. I find no redemption there.

The narrator finally ferrets out the truth, the cause of the indifference. But in the next paragraph, the concept is turned on its head. Differing lifestyles isn't an inherited trait. Its not the indifference that alienates. The parents are disparaging of the son/daughter's actions. Maybe I'm overthinking.

I do think hippie is an outdated word, for sure. lol

You have a way with words that generates a unique story. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work.



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435
435
Review of Rain  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Cpt! Nixie here, dropping by to deliver an anniversary review!


*CakeB* HAPPY NINTH! WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
Reading your bio prepared me for the story I would be reading. The title and brief description revealed nothing. The tale deserves a strong title.

Third sentence in, the reader learns of the setting, which immediately set me on edge. Considering the dangers of the Amazon, carelessness didn't work for me. Unfamiliarity for sure. But who would be careless in such a situation? That's just me, trying to identify with the characters.

What seemed unlikely, and what kept me wondering, was the mention of the young girl directing the characters' actions. In my mind, the travelers were on a guided tour. I wanted to read more, so the mystery kept me engaged.

A few thoughts
“Just follow the river!”
A dialogue tag is needed here. Or, if the comment was hearsay, perhaps italics since no one actually 'said' it.

first 30 [thirty] minutes
The rules fluctuate, but, generally, write out numbers less than 100.

We had started ... There were three of us.
Suggest: The three of us started ...
Less words, more succinct. In fiction, less is more.

had gotten
I think the entire story can be written in simple past tense. And, [found help] sounds much better than [had gotten].

had hurt her leg quite badly,
Since you're building tension and conflict, why not let the reader know exactly how the girl was hurt?

Lasting Impression
Interesting, how keeping the adventurers' identities a mystery worked as shock value in the conclusion.

*Star* Writing a 300 word story must be challenging. It's great that you snatched the opportunity. I liked the unique setting, and the perils of trying to survive in the Amazon.


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436
436
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Mara. Nixie here.

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Exclaimr* Wow! What a story to discover on your 10th anniversary day. You held me captive throughout, as I joined the mom in her grief and experienced her guilt and self-loathing.

A slight disappointment because the brief description tells the reader exactly what's happening, before the story even begins. So it's only a matter of getting the details. Maybe the plot can be hinted at, but not divulged. Just a thought.

As the plot unfolds
Excellent word choices to describe how the mom feels. The beauty in the words emphasizes the tragedy she's reliving.

It was a bit risky to put so many words in italics, as that can be distracting, and I was distracted. But not enough to stop reading, and I really can't think of any other way to show the past. Not much point in changing anything now. One thought, for what it's worth. The past in italics (maybe) can be broken up by interspersing it with present moments. For example, she hears the neighbors, and then dips back into the past.

A few thoughts
My one question. In the first paragraph, she's been crying/mourning for 96 hours, yet it seems as if it's the first day, what with the neighbors around, and the mention of the emergency call.

Something else to consider. Watch out for those [ing] words and try to reword the sentences. You won "Short Shots" with this plot, so maybe it's something to consider in the future.

Lasting Impression
I wrote a story about a mom who lost a boy to an accident, but it wasn't her fault. If I was the mom in this story, I would never, ever forgive myself. She'll probably end up divorcing her husband and be miserable for the rest of her life. Sheesh. What a fate I penned for her. I'm happy you ended the story, sparing the reader the trip into the future.

I threw a few ideas out there simply because I liked your story and got caught up in the events. *Wink*

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work. *Smile*



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437
437
Review of Chain of Hearts  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Then Pence. I was traveling through read and review, came across your port and chose this story. I liked the title, the cover art, and the brief description.

Overall Impression
As a writer who lives in other realms, *Laugh* I was instantly attracted to the plot. The sentence structures were varied, keeping me interested. The hearts were a little creepy, but clearly not something from a horror story.

Even in this small story, I bonded with Stacey. What seriously drew my attention was the paper mound on the table. I always shred my straw wrapper. However, I didn't expect it to be a foreshadowing event. Nicely done!

All the side characters were sketched out enough so I had a clear picture of all of them. Just the small comment about Connie not wanting to wear glasses personalized the character. And 'stale' Ethel made me laugh.

The trench coat man, seen only by Stacey, came and went so fast it was a blur, adding to the mystery. You set the pace. I could feel the moments ticking past.

Of course Stacey had to follow the chain of hearts, and while I worried about her, I also shared her curiosity.

A few thoughts
I was a little confused when Stacey left the diner. It seemed as though she was walking, but then her car horn beeped. See the sentences below.

Also, watch out for word repetition [make] [making]

“Hey,” she said [the] [to] Connie while
[making] her jump and accidentally [make] a beep

I don't think you need this sentence, since you showed us how she felt. *Checkg*
Stacey was mesmerized and confused

Lasting Impression
Stacey's a brave woman, who is not reluctant to embrace a new concept that might have sounded skeptical to someone else. She seems like a special person, not disturbed by her 'husband's' deformed face. This added another layer to her distinctive personality. *Cool*

The story ended on a light note, giving the reader hope for a new relationship.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your story!

~Nixie



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438
438
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Charlie! I found your name highlighted in the Anniversary forum and swung by to drop off a review to celebrate!

*CakeB* HAPPY third WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Overall Impression
Charlie, I'm familiar with your blogs, and I like the way you think, if that makes sense. We all have our individual styles. What I receive from you is surprising and fresh.

A few thoughts
You have the ability to get inside peoples' minds. So instead of this story being about an odd gift, albeit a unique present, the reader is immersed in the alienation of a sibling. The age difference was the first uh-oh and foreshadowed the running plot line.

Excellent usage of dialogue. I would have laughed if the situation wasn't so dire. Sentence after sentence shows the reader how Leah is ignored.

Your sentence structures are varied, keeping the reader engaged. *Checkg*

The other characters are fleshed out and authentic. They interrupt each other, and the topic flits back and forth, not always logistical. Never does this cause puzzlement. It's as if I was sitting in the same room. In fact, I've been surrounded by family members who play the continuous dialogue game that never varies. I just sat and listened, mostly unnoticed. Actually, I was grateful to be ignored.

I always find the goodness in people. However, I can't think of one thing that makes the parents, or the sisters, redeemable in my thoughts. They have one another, unaware of their exclusion of Leah.

Partway through the story, Leah mentions how she'd rather be with her boyfriend. After I finished reading, all I wanted was for her to get out of there.

*Thought*
Her parents [had begin] taking expensive trips [began]
Mom [had gotten] a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle that she would [pore] over [received] [pour]

I realize you're not likely to return to this story. It served its purpose. One thing to remember. Action comes before dialogue.

Lasting Impression
Memorable characters, a strong plot, and outstanding writing made this story stand out, in my mind. I don't live with expectations, but maybe I have a few when I read your work. You don't disappoint, Charlie. Nicely done.



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439
439
Review of So Far Gone  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jenny! Nixie here with happy tidings. *Smile*

*CakeB* HAPPY Eleventh WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I found your name highlighted in the anniversary forum, and it's my pleasure to drop off a review to honor your accomplishments.

Overall Impression
You mentioned that your work was based on real-life experiences, and I related to this in a snap. What is that "Some Thing"? The same happens to me.

A few thoughts
I admired your pluck while reading this. Although the difficulties were discussed, I found some light moments when you stood firm and insisted on making way for your desires. Simply adding updates at the bottom of this piece illustrates dedication.

Doctors can make a mess of anything, and it seems you've been a beneficiary *Rolleyes* of medicines. One time, a doctor prescribed a medicine, and I gained 65! pounds. He should have taken me off those meds.

You stressed taking personal care of one's life, and that is so true. We're numbers in a world of other numbers. We have to decide what's best for ourselves before taking advice from someone else.

Lasting Impression
Another discovery on my part. Some things simply can't be changed. Accepting this truth and allowing oneself to dissuade guilt relieves tremendous burdens.

Even though one may feel judged, the truth is, everyone else is concerned with themselves more than us. We are stories written in someone else's mind. Who knows what they think of us?

It's much easier to continue exercising regularly, rather than stopping and then trying to start again. But life happens. Last year I broke my elbow, and I was laid up for six weeks. How weird that breaking your toe turned into something nastier. I've also had one thing lead to another that thwarts my regimen. Right now, I'm using a ballet work-out that's effectively sculpting my muscles. It's tremendously challenging. I have to push myself to keep on track. This time, the holidays interrupted.

I police my thoughts because what I think about is what happens to me. Ah, that's another discussion.

Happy Anniversary, Jenny! I enjoyed reading your work. It gave me an opportunity to vent some of my own thoughts. Connecting with someone is much more important than linking contests and showing word counts. Opening up and sharing life experiences takes a lot of courage. Your friendly manner was engaging. *Wink*



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440
440
Review of The Day is Here.  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Hi there. Nixie here. Your name was on our M2M list for this weekend's raid, so I stopped over here to leave a review.

No big mystery here why I chose to read and review this. Motivation to work out. I can think of a million excuses, but not one reason. Like you, I did the whole gym routine, and half the battle was getting myself dressed and driving over to the Y. But I was dedicated. Then life switched around, and, well, once you stop, it's harder to begin again.

I found the ideal workout by purchasing a portable ballet bar I can set up in my living room. I turn on the TV and let the routine play out, while I sweat it out. I've come to accept the body I have. Just because a person is thin, doesn't mean it's an attractive body.

My whole routine flew apart when I moved. Only recently have I coaxed myself back into caring.

Dreaming over dresses you can't wear is sort of negative motivation. Buy pretty clothes that fit now. And sometimes, we just are who we are. Forgiving oneself is freeing, and maybe the best motivation for getting anything done.

At any rate, you can tell by my review that I connected with this piece. I agree, it's not a good idea to share work-out or diet goals with others. That's more negative reinforcement. The desire has to come from within.

As a Vegan, my problem is not eating enough. I'm always hungry, but my diet is so restrictive. Well, that's my story in reaction to yours.

As far as the technical aspect, I'd suggest changing the font size to something smaller and correcting the paragraphing. Also, from here, it looks like you're added bold to the font, which is distracting.

Stick with what works for you, and as I suggested, forgive yourself. Ease up on the self-judgment. Work out, or don't. Just choose, and be okay with either option. I'm not saying that will help, but you never know. I accomplish quite a bit when I silence that nasty inner voice.

Wonderful cover art! The picture expresses disappointment.





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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**Santahat**Menorah**Star*


Hi, Lady Elf. I half expected to see you at the raid, so I thought I'd drop by and leave a review.

Go ahead and break my heart with this poem. I rarely read poetry, but couldn't resist the brief description. I lost my dad (three years ago, this February), and the hole never fills back in. It's like a void in the universe. A wrong that cannot be made right. But he lived a long and full life. His death wasn't unexpected, but we thought he had longer.

You sure know how to string words together to create a melody and weave a mood. That first stanza snagged me. The other stanzas made me wish I had a dad like that, but I loved mine just the same. He was more stoic and distant, unable to demonstrate love, other than providing substantially for his family. And he was reliable. Dinner at 6, you could count on him to be there.

The rhyming scheme flows smoothly and evenly in an AA BB pattern. Right? I only know a bit about poetry forms, and that one comes to mind. The rhymes never felt forced, I only experienced the tug to read another.

The repetition brought the poem together and emphasized the loss. Am I really wiping tears from my eyes? Surely it's an eyelash stuck in there.

I'll add my five stars to all the others you so richly deserve.





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442
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**Santahat**Menorah**Star*


Hi, WW! Thought I'd stop by here on this special M2M day and leave a review. Besides, I can't resist your Lou Ryan stories!

The read is one seamless plot that never creates distraction. It seems the story is over mere seconds after I started reading. That's one smooth-flowing plot!

The characters are easy to identify with, mainly due to mainstream media. Readers are familiar with this type of story, but nothing can stand in comparison to your story-telling abilities.

This is the first time (am I that inexperienced a reader?) that I've seen pop-notes used in a story. Other than Brooke's Masquerade Ball activity. I think Abyssinia deserves a refresh in this time period. I might even take it upon myself to use it. It does sound a bit like the cat breed Abyssinian, though.

Excellent scene-setting and easy-going characters keep the reader tied to the plot. When I read this story, it was like watching a TV episode play out in my head.

Lou is irresistible, in his actions, his words and deeds, and in his undisclosed warm opinion of Gloria. The detective has to have a girl around.

The plot expanded as the back story filed in, and created a new level of interest. How do you write so easily and naturally? Usually that talent comes from lots of practice and editing.

I wouldn't mind reading more Lou Ryan stories. You've got my vote for a winner, any time. Oh, excellent cover art to complete the picture in my head. *Checkg* Nice going, WW. Always a pleasure.


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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Spreading Peace in "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*Star**Menorah**Santahat**Ornament1r* Happy Holiday Member to Member RAID! *Ornament1r**SantaHat* *Menorah**Star*


Hi Dragon! I'm so happy to be visiting your port on this special day. Please remember, I'm one person with an opinion.

I noticed you enter contests, so kudos for those accomplishments. I also know the time and word count restraints can drastically impact a story. Overall, the plot was witty and a teenage delight.

The first sentence kicks off the story, so the 'hahaha' should at least be capitalized to give the proper impression of a well-written story. However, if she's thinking, you need italics, although opinions vary as to what works. Point being, I was initially distracted, which is not so great from the beginning. An alternative would be to quickly set the scene, and then use the dialogue.

Okay, that's put of the way and out of my mind, so I can concentrate on the review. I think this is a perfect YA story, which reminds me, if you want to, you can change the classification from 'contest entry' to short story, and YA for a genre.

Let me tell you how many times I've sat horrified in front of a frozen computer screen. And when it happens while I'm talking to a client? The worst. At home, my heart thuds and my mind scatters. Great, what's wrong now? How much will this cost me?

So I've already delved in to the plot with preconceived notions. Only to be blown out of the water.

Right from the first paragraph, I identified with the teen. (Did you give her a name?) I was right there with her, pounding the keys, hoping for a response before the teacher returned. And the scene kept building, with the authentic dialogue moving the plot forward. Emphasis on 'authentic'. You really captured the intensity of emotions, and the essence of teen-speak. Although, I still use 'totally' when I'm talking. lol

This instant snapshot of a classroom jumped to life as the kids shouted and conversed, all of them in cahoots against the unfortunate teacher. 'whisper-screams' was my favorite.

I missed the significance of the universal remote hooked up to the projector. Or is that how everyone saw what was on Mr. Li's desktop?

*Notebl* Ensure every new sentence begins with a capital letter.

Avoid adding adverbs to dialogue tags to convey emotions. You only did it twice, probably due to w/c restraints.

I whisper gleefully.
I frustratingly hit

Mr. Li's reaction was outstanding! I'm not comfortable with the whole sentence in full capital letters, but that's the author's call. *Wink*

Something else I'd like to point out. The reader had no way of guessing what Mr. Li would find. And it seemed the guilty culprit failed to carry out her ploy. So, going with the notion that contests constrict, it worked out okay. I also liked that you kept this at a teen level with such an innocent desktop display. So typical for kids to find humor there.

Nicely done!



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Review of Requiem  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Jack. Nixie, here, to help celebrate your 5th WdC Account Anniversary with a review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Baretree3*
Overall Impression
Hmm. Overall, the plot made sense. The hero struggles and wins. At the conclusion he has to choose as every hero in the media has to choose. Vengeance or Mercy? The same arguments apply. Vengeance only ends up causing more pain. Let the system work is the counter argument.

*Baretree3*
Thoughts
I didn't find anything spectacular here. The story was basically straightforward. I liked the fighting scene, at all times I could picture your characters battling the villain.

We have a close relationship between the hero and the mentor to identify with. Because the story has been told so many times, I wasn't able to make a connection to either character.

It's fairly textbook for the hero to lose everything he loves while serving the public.

Roberto is just another punk, without a back story to explain his wickedness. We only see one side of his personality. Of course we don't have much room in a short story to demonstrate character, but even the bad guys have a spot of something brighter inside them, or a dark motive that blots out anything positive. None of this was explored.

I was thinking, it would have been interesting if Roberto confessed he loved Cheryl, and killed her for loving anther man. It adds a new level of interest. But that's just me, dreaming.

A few spelling mistakes can easily be corrected. *Wink*

The biggest issue, however, is in the verb tense changes, often within the same sentence. Choose present or past and stick with it for a more cohesive read.

*Baretree3*
In closing
I can see this story expanding and developing as Meteor and Drake save more lives. *Checkg*

Please remember, I'm only one reader with an opinion. Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your story. *Smile*



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Review of A Father's Hug  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Irish fire. nixie, here to help celebrate your 8th WdC Account Anniversary.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
A Father's Hug isn't a short story or a poem, so in this instance, the category 'other' was the best choice possible. The brief description tells the story.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
These few words scratch the surface of an underlying, possibly ominous, note. We have a young boy, not a favorite, and barely recognized, hanging tight to the periphery of love. Yet he receives none, and finds solace in books. A person has to wonder what kind of adult this child will become. Will the callous treatment carve him into a competitive and prosperous CEO, for example. Will he have deep emotional scars and wind up hurting everyone until no one wants to be with him.

I grew up in a family of five, and keenly experienced what it meant to not be the favorite. I wasn't ignored, more like my personality was displeasing. I had the vague sensation that my parents would feel no loss if I hadn't been born. The most difficult time was when it was just my little brother and me. He was the favorite, everything was my fault. But I grew up, and everything has changed. Yes, it wounded me emotionally, but life goes on. My mom is now kind, rather than unpredictable and sometimes vicious, my dad died three years ago. My sister died in 1983.

Returning to your poem, the moment with the placement of the phone book and the scramble to the chair was the most touching.

A bit of a cliche marred the perfection. Small and light, dark and tall, described the brothers. No harm, though.

*Candy4*
In closing
I'm delving into the emotional aspects that tugged at my subconscious, and all these words came out. My heart clenched up a bit, because I understand what it's like to grow up without parental approval. So few words caused such a cascade of emotions and reflections on my own life. You touched a reader, and I think that's the best part of writing. Don't stop.



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Review of A Daughter's Life  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Pro Scribe. Nixie, here, to help celebrate your 10th WdC Account Anniversary. It's looking awfully lonely here in your portfolio, with only one item to review.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
The formatting of this poem drew my eye. Humans are attracted to symmetry, and all the lines are of similar length, nothing is hanging out there in space all by itself.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
The lines and stanzas follow the progression of a daughter's life. I've raised three kids, and I don't think I could capture the experience as succinctly as you have here.

Each child was different, and the yawn between my daughters and my son could not be contained in words. My son, sorry for the cliche, is a force of nature. He always has a dark cloud over his head. After two tours in Iraq, I hardly know him anymore.

One daughter sort of matches up with the feelings expressed here. She's the middle child, and has always been by my side. Now we're raising her children together.

My first daughter is a wild pony, who bolted from home to independence when she was fifteen. She's a remarkable woman.

The one line that did extend beyond the others had no negative effect on me. In the television series Life, in the last episode, the main character states one plus one equals one. Which means love.


*Candy4*
In closing
I can't decide which line I like more. The one I mentioned, or the second line in the last stanza. Unique word choices punctuated the read, slowing the pace, but not interrupting the flow.

I'm no poet, but even a short story writer can appreciate such an expression of love. Ten years later, who is she now?



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Review of In Other Worlds  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Fireexi. Nixie, here to help celebrate your 12th! WdC Account Anniversary.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Where to begin? In Other Worlds (I like that title) was broken down in the manner of a story, and the second part being the author explaining to the reader why the above happened. I would choose one or the other.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
A black hole theory, huh? I thought nothing could come out of a black hole after being drawn in, due to the strength of gravity. I have heard of an opposing theory, a white hole. Whenever something from our universe vanishes in a black hole, it must be replaced by something from another galaxy. Hence, the white hole.

A scientific fact that dazzled me was the discovery of black holes in the ocean corresponding with black holes in space. Hmm. I think humans just don't get it.

Interesting usage of Cosmic Dimension Points and Recycled Universe. I was unable to find any reference for CDP that corresponded with the explanation. Ah, for the love of fiction, we play. I've yet to find one theory that resonates within me. We're playing around with mathematics and brain exercises, but we remain limited, trapped in our own minds. What if Einstein was wrong, and we're working with a faulty concept? That's just something I think about. I certainly don't have any answers, but that's okay. I accept my limitations, but continue to play in fictional stories.

When you switch to the "Hello Reader..." paragraph, a bit more paragraphing is needed. I don't understand why the author has to explain this to the reader, though. Why not let Dr. Carlin enlighten us? I probably missed your intention, so pardon me if I'm stepping on toes, or writer's fingers. *Laugh*

*Candy4*
In closing
I enjoyed exploring the scientific terms and theories, for which I thank you. I came across some odd websites, with the CDF leading me to some sort of group capable of ascension and re-creating.

I have to agree, however, that the ending was quite amusing, especially the last sentence, which seemed the most likely. And it made me smile.

Thanks for the read. My thoughts are yours to explore or ignore.



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Review of Saved By A Bug  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Connie! It's me, Nixie, here to celebrate your 8th! WdC Account Anniversary. *Bigsmile*

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*



Connie, what a hilarious story. Even though I read the brief description, and my eyes clocked the VW, my brain was already spinning with possibilities as to what kind of bug saved the day. I flipped back to the odd and nearly transparent green moth-butterfly-alien bug that alighted on my car's roof one evening and stayed while I carefully drove across the parking lot.

And, to make this even more personal, to me, I have locked my keys in the car with the engine running, while I had three little kids with me. I was in your story in spirit, for sure.

The scene was bright in my mind. I pictured the woman dumping her contents on the front of the car. In fact, the first person POV was so effective, I had to double-check and ensure this wasn't a true story.

I liked the way you described her edging around to the side to look through the windows. It was one short sentence that stuck in my mind. You showed it so succinctly. It would have taken me forever to move my character around. It's funny/interesting what another person finds of interest.

*BoothB*
Great job keeping me entertained. You had me wondering when I last saw an actual public phone booth, much less with a phone book attached. I saw an actual public mailbox in a strip mall. Have you noticed those disappeared?

What an inventive way for the woman to find a ride home. But her tribulations weren't over so fast. Smooth move to keep up the tension. *Checkg* I'd probably strip a stick shift and never get it moving. At least this character had some knowledge.

*Note* Try not to use [ing] words. Don't ask me why, but it's a sign of an inexperienced writer. Where did I read that, anyway? I thought it might be worth passing on.

So funny she never told her husband. I probably would have, but definitely not my kids.

I say, the key to writing an engaging story is to engage the reader through character identification. That's what happened here, Connie.

Cool write. I hope I'm back before your next anniversary!


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449
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lone Wolf. Nixie, here to help celebrate your Sixth account anniversary. You can't be alone today!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


The Hook
Excellent choice for title and brief description. *Checkg*

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
Yesterday, I was thinking about how music influences us. One time, I took a line from a song and worked into a story that inevitably failed. But still, it's an effective way to approach a story.

It took more than one or two reads to appreciate what you accomplished here. Some of the meaning fell into place after reading the conclusion.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
The one-sided conversation had me twisted around every which-way. I put some more thought in to it. Of course it's a one way communication. Only the person 'hearing' knows what's happening on the other end. Lots of times my sister comes to me, and not so much, my dad, which is weird. My sister died in 1983. My dad in 2013.

The only place where I remain lost is hanging around the 'tired' part of the dialogue. It didn't seem to make much sense after the sentence above it, nor did reading the dialogue beneath bring it into focus. Oh, well. No big deal.

*Candy4*
In closing
I bet this story would be a winning entry for a dialogue only contest. It's an unusual choice, and I wonder how difficult it was to make it all work.

Totally not fair to mention something nit-picky for an anniversary review, but the [even if it kills me] didn't work for me. The point was made by then. It felt like overkill. I'm not sure if that was an intentional pun, or not.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary. Thanks for the compelling read. *Smile*



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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, Stormy Lady!

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeB*


*Cake*
Sixteen Years?
Congratulations and Happy Anniversary!

*Candy4*
Overall Impression
It won't be easy for me to separate this story with the life of one of my daughter's. Right now, she's a single mom of two, and she's falling apart. She can barely handle taking care of her sons. The guilt and shame she experiences cripple her.

*Candy4*
Thoughts
You have captured the essence of hopelessness. Except the mom in this story is a fighter. Rather than explain this to the reader, you vividly showed the reader what it means. My favorite action was capturing the spider.

She's doing her very best, feeling it's not enough for her children. Her kids will get through it, but, unfortunately, not without scars.

I grew up with a mom who was emotionally damaged. When I became a mom, I let my kids down because illness often stole my time with them. Now I see my daughter struggling. At first I thought genetics, but the issues have different origins. The same effect, though.

*Candy4*
In closing
The mom in the story is breaking my heart, and as you read, I'm drifting into my own past and gazing at the present. Neither picture is rosy. 'Another wasted day' sums up the feelings. All I want to do is reach into the story, hold the mom, and say 'You're doing your best. It won't always be this way.' With chronic pain, though, that might not be true.

Congratulations again. What an accomplishment to celebrate. *Bigsmile*

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