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942 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Make It Count  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Hello, my WDC friend and storoem creator! I decided to drop by your port for an anniversary review, and the title of this poem caught my eye. Although I'm usually intimidated by reviewing poetry, I know what I like, and I loved this poem!

Although the poem was rather short, I found it to be complete. You made every word count, and the ending was perfect. All too often, we get wrapped up in the mundane tasks of our everyday lives and lose sight of what's really important. This piece is a great reminder that we all need to strive to be the best that we can be, not only for ourselves but also to improve the lives of those around us. Bravo!

*Starb*


My Suggestions: Grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless, and the poem flowed smoothly even when I read it aloud. I have no suggestions for improvement, as I find the poem to be perfect as-is. I will, however, suggest that you keep writing and sharing your talent with the WDC community!

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this beautiful, motivational poem. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you have had a wonderful 17th WDC anniversary!

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of Wicked Thoughts  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: It looks like I've landed in the middle of a series, but I really enjoyed this short story. Mike Midas is an interesting character, and I enjoyed his innuendo. In a very short piece, you managed to give an adequate history of your character and present a conflict as well as a resolution. More importantly, you did it in such a way as to keep me interested throughout and make me anxious to read more about Mike Midas. Great job!

*Starb*


My Suggestions: Grammar, spelling and punctuation were flawless. I did find it a little strange that you mentioned Crystal once without a real introduction or any follow-up, but the note at the end somewhat explained it.

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I'm on my way to check out "Size Matters" now. I hope you had a wonderful 11th WDC anniversary!

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: What kind of stalker friend would I be if I sent you anniversary reviews throughout the month and failed to send one on your actual account anniversary? I couldn't let that happen, so here I am yet again!

I love your dark humor! Only you can make me cringe and chuckle simultaneously! I cannot imagine the overwhelming response you had to this ad! If Milwaukee wasn't so far away from me, I would have jumped at this! Six months free rent for something as simple as being the guinea pig for a heart transplant?! That's a no brainer. *Rolleyes*

*Starb*


My Suggestions: Grammar, spelling, and punctuation are flawless, as usual. The only suggestion I could come up with is that you probably want to mention that sound sleepers are preferred. And that applicants must know their blood type. *Laugh*

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for yet another terrific read. I hope you know how much you're loved and appreciated at WDC. If you have any doubts, just look at your community recognition. I hope you were overwhelmed with anniversary wishes today. You truly deserve it.

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of In the Clouds  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because I'm a big fan of flash fiction, and I rarely see 100 word stories. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and meaningful story in 300 words or less, but you made it seem effortless. Great job.

I love the plot of this story, and it was easy to imagine the scene that you described. First person narration was a great choice for this piece, and I found myself chuckling as I thought of the poor narrator stuck in the giant marshmallow. The ending was perfect!

*Starb*


My Suggestions: I would suggest editing to get rid of some of the ellipses. One instance is fine, but I found the use of so many in such a short piece distracting.

Also, including the contractions, I noticed 6 instances of the word "had" in a 100 word story. Since you have to make every word count in such a short piece, I would replace some of these with other words.

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I will definitely be dropping by your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 15th WDC anniversary!

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of The Last Mile  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because the title caught my eye. It was perfect for this story! You stated in the description that the teacher didn't understand the ending. I thought the ending was straightforward - he woke up from a dream (nightmare) about a lethal injection only to discover that the dream was about to become reality.

This was an interesting and rather original story about what goes through one's mind when he's on death row and his death is imminent. You did a terrific job of including the regrets as well as the mundane. Although the story was short, it was complete, and it held my interest throughout. I especially liked the ending. For a brief second, I thought 'he' was safe and wasn't actually facing death only to discover I was wrong. Although we never learn the character's name, it isn't needed.

*Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest breaking the first paragraph down into separate sentences. As it stands, even with the semicolon, it is still a run-on sentence.

"He had failed the one person who had loved him not no matter what he had done."

"He feels like his he is walking through thick, cold molasses!"

I would also suggest that you edit the story with regard to tense issues. You start in present, then go to future. But, in the fifth paragraph, you start to get mixed up. First sentence is future. But you go to past tense with the second sentence. I realize the reason you're changing tense here, but it should be present tense, like you began the story. "Strange, he has always wanted...He doubts the will let him..."

In the sixth paragraph, you go back to future (will wash...will come), but then, you go back to past (would pray). Then, you go back to future in the last sentence.

"The reporters, who were allowed in are busy with their notes, some look a little nervous." is a run-on sentence. This could be remedied by changing the comma after "notes" to a semicolon. Also, a comma should be inserted after "in", so that "who were allowed in" is set off with commas.

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 11th WDC anniversary.

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of School Spirit  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love reading and writing flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and meaningful story in 300 words or less. You made it seem effortless here.

Your story was interesting and original, and I was taken back to the days of high school as I read...homecoming activities, proms, etc. You have a great writing style, and you captured my interest at the beginning of the story and held it throughout. I saw that you have numerous flash fiction stories in your port, and I will definitely be checking out more of them.

*Starb*


My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, I have no suggestions to make this story better. Grammar, spelling, and punctuation are flawless, and I think the story is perfect as-is.

*Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this terrific short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I hope you have a wonderful 11th WDC anniversary!

*Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review of Lost and Found  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I'm reviewing this story as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Review Raid. I can easily see how this story was nominated for a Quill! It's very rare that one can write an original and meaningful story with such a limited word count, but you managed to do just that here.

The story started a bit slow, which was necessary to establish the setting and characters. Then, we had the conflict - Andy making plans to run away because his mother couldn't take him to a movie. But the resolution made this okay story an exceptional one. I was so pleased to see James stepping up and filling the void that had been left in young Andy's life. Even better, he enjoyed himself as well. Great job!

My Suggestions: First and foremost, I suggest changing the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about. I would hate to see potential readers miss out on this terrific story because of the vague description.

In the first sentence of the third paragraph, a comma should be inserted after "back".

Overall: Thank you for sharing your work. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I will definitely be visiting your port again soon. I hope you had a wonderful 7th WDC anniversary.

Image for Raid


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of SHADOWS OF A MAN  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: This is my fifth and final review from your auction package, but I will continue to visit your port often. I had planned on doing a few of the reviews tonight and doing the rest over the next few days. As you see, I loved your writing so much I couldn't stop.

I decided to venture out of your general short stories folder and check out one of your stories about the military. This story literally brought me to tears. This story really hit home for me, because my father, who was in the military, passed away last year...11 months after my mother passed. I always loved hearing his stories!

The vivid picture you painted of a war hero, neglected and ignored in a care facility was heartbreaking. And even more heartbreaking, I know that situations like that occur every day. There is so much to learn from and appreciate about the elderly, and you told a perfect story here. I was very pleased with the happy ending!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the first sentence, I suggest changing "parked him in front" to "parked in front", because you established that he was in the wheelchair earlier in the sentence.

Also in the first paragraph, "if he were able too" should be "if he were able to".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I have enjoyed reading and reviewing your stories so much, and I will continue to do so. I had already decided which story would receive the awardicon before I read this, but I have to give it to this one. Don't worry, though. I'm sure I'll be awarding more of your stories. And I know a Merit Badge wasn't a part of the package, but I can't resist! Your stories are amazing, and a MB is well-deserved!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I'm back with my fifth review. I wanted to read this story, but I was a little leery when I noticed it was in the sci-fi genre, because that isn't one of my favorites. I was extremely pleased as I read, because I ended up loving it.

First person narration was a good choice for this piece, and it made it easier for me to empathize with Todd and his plight. It appears as though this is another story written from a prompt sentence, and, again, you did a great job with it! I absolutely love the way you come up with such original ideas for stories!

I could easily imagine the scene that you described, and I was horrified by the transition from the serenity to the intrusion by the ship. I was anxious to see how it would all play out, and you didn't disappoint. I was glad to see that the characters survived, and I was blown away by the twist at the end. I would like to see you write a follow-up to this story in which you tell about the child that was born a few months after this one ended!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest changing "before I and Clair lost consciousness" to "before Clair and I lost consciousness". However, I would further suggest that you consider changing it to "before I lost consciousness". At this point in the story, we don't find out at everyone on the ship lost consciousness, so I found myself wondering how Todd could know that Clair lost consciousness if he had done so himself. I think it would be best to wait for the revelation later in the story that he wasn't the only one it happened to.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for providing another excellent read. I will most definitely continue to visit your port and read your work after the auction package is fulfilled! I will drop by with your fifth and final review soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of The TEACUP  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I'm back with my third review, and I am happy to say that this is another excellent story. I got so caught up in the read that I couldn't believe it was almost a thousand words! That's definitely a compliment. My eyes were glued to the screen from the first sentence to the last word!

It appears from the bolded sentence at the end that you wrote this piece from a prompt sentence. You did a fantastic job! The story was interesting and original, and it was easy for me to empathize with the young, struggling couple and celebrate their good fortune with them. I almost want to make a trip to Goodwill to see if I can have similar luck! *Laugh*

It was a brilliant idea to make the reunion of the cup and saucer magical. And the fact that the fifty dollars was replaced soon after it was taken makes me think that the couple may be able to get ahead. I found Nick and Wendy to be likable characters, and I was happy with the luck they had as the story progressed.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: The comma should be omitted after "was" in the second sentence of the first paragraph.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I suggest changing "you would find" to "we would find".

There were a couple of instances where a period should be replaced with a question mark:

"Weird. Isn’t it?"

"Still no ideas about the money?"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: If this story was written for a contest, I can't imagine that it didn't win. I loved it! I'm thrilled that you won my package in the auction, because I'm thoroughly enjoying your writing. I'll be back with your fourth review soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of GRACE  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I'm back with my second review as part of your win in "Mad Hatter's Tea Party" . This is another terrific story! I chose the story because of the interesting title and description, and I was very pleased. I got a few chuckles throughout the story, and actually got goosebumps near the end.

I could easily imagine poor Zoey as you described her and all of her near misses, thanks to David. I found it a little strange that he waited until she was five years old to begin his protection. I would imagine that, as clumsy and accident prone as she seemed to be, she would have had a catastrophic accident before she reached her 5th birthday.

The story's plot was very interesting and unique, and I loved the originality. The last few paragraphs were phenomenal! Rarely does a story leave me spellbound long after I finish it, but this one managed to do just that. Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: As with the previous story, I suggest changing the rating from "E" because of the mild expletive (hell) near the beginning of the story.

In the second paragraph, you use the word "began" at the end of the first sentence and the beginning of the second. Rather than have this repetition, I suggest changing it to, "Zoey first began started to walk. She began her..."

Also in the second paragraph, "Will, not really falling..." Did you mean "Well" instead of "Will"?

"She excepted accepted the clumsiness."

"he believed his case was very compiling compelling"

"David, you have remained here too long."

"God shock shook his head"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another excellent story. I love the originality and your creativity. I'll be back with my third review soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of My Conniption Fit  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, J.L. O'Dell-Your Scare Master ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: This is my first review of five as part of your win of my package in "Mad Hatter's Tea Party" . And if all of your stories are as well-written as this one, I'll be one happy camper. This piece is great!

I can only imagine how difficult it would be to write a story expressing anger without using the taboo words. I like the various ways you did so, and "my blood continued to bubble in my veins" was an excellent description. You managed to have numerous descriptions of anger without using the taboo words. Great job!

As for the story itself, the title was interesting and made me want to read the piece. I was drawn in immediately, and the story held my interest throughout. Although the story was short, it was complete, and the ending was appropriate. I would have liked to have heard Jimmie's excuse for the late night DUI, but not being privy to that didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest changing the rating from "E" to "13+" because of the use of mild swear words in the story.

Since the story is written in past tense, I suggest changing "we don't need this" to "we didn't need this" in the first paragraph. For that same reason, I'd change "I'm working a double" to "I was working a double" in the second paragraph.

"greeted by a short, overweight womenwoman in uniform"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: This little gem was a pleasure to read and review, and I can already tell I'm going to thoroughly enjoy reviewing all of your stories. You have a great writing style. Good luck in the contest (if it hasn't already ended), and I will be back for your second review soon.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of The Cut Direct  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Elle ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work as part of your winning package in "Mad Hatter's Tea Party"  on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I chose this story because of the interesting title. I had no idea what the cut direct is, and I figured I'd learn about it with this little gem. I really enjoyed the read, and after I read, I googled "the cut direct" to make sure that I had the right idea after reading the story. I did. *Blush* *Laugh*

I hadn't heard of "Jane Austen Contest " , and I checked it out as well. I see that it began (and ended) during my time away from the site. However, you did an excellent job with the prompt, and the style of your story was spot-on! Although the story was short, it was complete and interesting. I could easily imagine the prim and proper characters that you described throughout the story.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: Grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless, and, unfortunately, I have nothing to offer as suggestions for improvement. I think this piece is perfect as-is.

However, I did notice that you noted in your short stories folder that short stories aren't your forte. I would have to disagree with you there! And I suggest that you write more short stories!!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another excellent read. I really do hope that you continue to write short stories (if you can ever find the time), because you do a brilliant job!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Elle ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  as part of your win in "Mad Hatter's Tea Party" .

My Thoughts: Wow! You did a phenomenal job of writing in first person narrative from the perspective of a gay male. The story was relevant and believable, and I would have never guessed that it had been written by a female. I could easily imagine the events of the story actually occurring, and I loved the positive message that this story conveyed.

I was immediately drawn in with the bullying at the beginning, and you held my interest throughout. It was easy to empathize with poor Mason. Sometimes, there are characters that just pull at your heartstrings, and Mason was one of those characters for me. I was so glad that Ben was willing offer him a hand and an ear.

You also did wonderfully at showing instead of just telling the story. I could easily imagine both Mason and Ben thanks to your descriptive writing. You packed quite an emotional punch into such a short story and reminded readers of the difference random acts of kindness can make. I also loved the ending and thought the little mystery was the perfect way to finish the story.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I suggest adding a hyphen to "t-shirt" in the sixth paragraph.

"The doctor said I had mild concussion, and I was told to take some..."

I noticed throughout the story that you referred to having concussion. I thought, at first, that you had left out "a", because I'm used to it being referred to as having a concussion. Then, I realized it must be a variation in our languages.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this well-written short story. I love the message it conveyed, and it was a pleasure to read and review. I hope you're enjoying your auction package!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Intuition  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, 🌓 HuntersMoon ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: Wow! I saw this entry in Charity's 10th Anniversary Contest, and I had to check it out. I've read many of your terrific poems, but I didn't realize you're an excellent storyteller as well!

Thriller/suspense is one of my favorite genres, and you delivered what you promised. You could even add "drama" as one of the genres, because I found myself getting emotional at various points in the story. The plot is interesting and rather unique, and you did a terrific job of making Sarah seem "real" to the reader. The ending was a complete surprise, and I loved it!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: Despite my best effort, I could not find one thing to suggest to make this perfect piece better. Grammar, spelling and punctuation are flawless. There is absolutely nothing I would change.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this exceptional short story! I was captivated from the first sentence to the last word. I will definitely be stalking going back to your port and looking for more of your short stories. And congratulations on being a finalist for "Best Portfolio". It is very well-deserved!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there again, Alexis Hay ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I read and loved your other two stories, so I had to come back and check this one out. I loved it as well. I particularly like flash fiction that's 300 words or less (both reading and writing), and you do a superb job with it.

Ellie was an interesting character, and I like that the entire story took place in her holding cell. This story brought a lot of questions, mainly what caused her to kill her boyfriend and roommate, but the suspense worked well for this piece. The story was complete, and the ending was great. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would change the first sentence to "Ellie knew where she was as soon as she opened her eyes." I think it reads better that way.

At the end of the second paragraph, I would change "as the panic filled" to "as panic filled her". It wouldn't interfere with your word count.

In this sentence, "...she began to stutter, as tears began blubbering over her cheeks.", you use the word "began" twice in close succession. I suggest changing it to "...she stuttered as tears began..."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another excellent story. You realize that you have to write more now, because I have already read every item in your port. *Laugh*. I will check often to see if you have come up with anything new.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there, Alexis Hay ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I'm back for another review after learning that you write flash fiction in my favorite genre. I'm glad I returned, because I loved this little story! I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete and meaningful story in 300 words or less, but you made it seem effortless here!

You made excellent use of the prompt words, and the story was original and horrific. It held my interest from beginning to end, and the ending was perfect!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: Fancy anything you see?" he said asked.

"With that, he placed..."

"as soon as he slid it on" should be set off with commas.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another terrific story. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite authors, and I can't wait to see what you come up with next. I'm glad you came to WDC!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review of "Tit-for-Tat"  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there, Alexis Hay ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction, and my favorite genre is horror, so this little story was right up my alley. In less that 500 words, you created a terrific story with an original plot, and interesting, believable characters. I'm sure that all of us women can relate to the horror of such an occurrence, but I also found the story a bit humorous.

You have a great writing style, and I was immediately drawn into the story. It was a bit difficult to empathize with Jenny, and I was somewhat glad to see Sia get her revenge in the end. *Smirk* I can easily see how this little gem placed first in SCREAMS!! Great job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: You spelled "agency" incorrectly at the end of the first sentence.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, "businessmen" should be one word. Also in the second paragraph, "who's" should be "whose". "Who's" is a contraction for "who is".

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this well-written little horror story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I will definitely be visiting your port again soon. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community! If there's ever anything I can do to help you along the way, please don't hesitate to email me!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of Fog  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there, William Stafford ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: This is a terrific short story! I love little horror stories, and this one was right up my alley. Although short, the story was complete and interesting, and it held my attention throughout.

Your descriptive writing made it easy for me to picture the scene you described. I like the way you compared the dense fog to thick green soup. First person narration worked well for this piece, and it made it easy for me to feel I was part of the story and empathize with the narrator. The ending was perfect. You did an excellent job with the writing prompt you mentioned in the description!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: In the description, "ruins" should be "ruin", because you're referring to two things (fog and something mysterious).

You have a bit of an issue with switching tense throughout the story. For example, you start out in past tense: "it was difficult to see", "I was squeezing". A few paragraphs later, you're in present tense: "I don't know", but in the next sentence, you go back to past, "There was no wind". A few paragraphs later, you start in past, "There it was again", but revert to present in the same paragraph, "I am so scared". I suggest editing the story to stay in one tense or the other. I think past would work best.

Near the end of the story, you refer to a police officer twice, but you say "office" instead of "officer" both times. I suggest an edit in that regard.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing your writing! This short story was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to WDC! If there's ever anything I can do to help you along the way, please don't hesitate to let me know.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review of Suicide  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there, gachadepression ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

*Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb* *Penb*


My Thoughts and Suggestions: You have a terrific idea for a story here, but the numerous spelling errors and run-on sentences made it difficult to take it seriously. Also, the story would be easier to read if it were broken down into paragraphs.

It's very important to hook the reader immediately with your storytelling. You begin the story with, "A 12-year-old girl named, Chrissy, used to always get pushed around during school." I think this makes even the narrator seem disinterested, almost like it's more of a documentary than a story. I think a better hook would be, "Twelve-year-old Chrissy always got pushed around during school." Or you could even start with "Chrissy always got pushed around during school," and make her age known later in the story.

To give you a hint as to what I meant by numerous errors: "She told lies and everything to her friends so when they go into the class they all crowed Chrissy." "And everything" tells us nothing. You should omit those words and possibly replace them with information on what Kennedy did besides tell lies. The story is told in past tense, so "go into the class" should be "went into the classroom". And "crowed" should be "crowded".

As to breaking the story into paragraphs, a good place to start a new paragraph would be the transition from the classroom scene to lunch and another with the transition from school to when Chrissy gets home. Also, I found the boyfriend at the end of the story a shock. Why wasn't he mentioned before? Was he in Chrissy's class? If so, why didn't he step in and help her with the bullying?

This story creates a lot of unanswered questions, and I suggest expanding it to give the reader a better idea as to why Chrissy thought suicide was her only option. And it's misleading to say the piece is based on a true story if you're the narrator as well as the character who committed suicide.

*Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr* *Penr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing your writing . This was a good idea for a story that would be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be glad to read and review the revised story. If there's anything I can do to help you, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of Hold on Tight!  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, IceSkating SugarCube ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I'm here with your last review for your win in "Sweethearts Galore" . This was another terrific story! You wrote well in this genre, and you created an excellent little story. You did an excellent job with the prompt for the contest. I could easily imagine the scenes that you described, and you wrote a complete and meaningful story in 500 words.

I think this would make a great children's story, and I could easily see more pieces written about the little chair and his adventures. In that regard, I think you should consider changing one of the "other" genres to "children's".

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: "young man" should not be capitalized, since it obviously isn't the chair's name.

When you first mentioned the doll, you said "the humans set a small human girl..." Yet, a little later in the story, you make it clear that the girl was a doll, and the chair was aware of this fact. Therefore, I suggest that you change "human girl" to doll.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another excellent little story. Although this is my last review for the contest, I've fallen in love with your writing, so I'll definitely continue to visit your port often. Keep on writing and sharing your talent with the WDC community!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review of 🏆Andrew  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, IceSkating SugarCube ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: Wow. You're making it so hard to decide which piece deserves the awardicon! As a matter of fact, I might just have to award two different stories. *Facepalm* I loved this story! You had already proven that you write well in the scary/horror genre, and now I see that you do a great job in the drama genre as well!

First person narration was an excellent choice for this story, and my heart broke for the narrator. (I would have liked to have known her name.) I was glad to see she held on for her 18th birthday, and I was happy to see that her final wish was granted. You packed quite an emotional punch in story of less that 900 words, and I had tears in my eyes when I finished the piece. The ending was perfect!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: As with the other stories, I suggest that you change the "other" genre to give the story more exposure. I would suggest "drama" for this little story.

A comma should be inserted in the sentence, "Last July, I found out..."

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing another excellent short story. I can easily see how it got first place in the Writer's Cramp! I will be back soon with your fifth review.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Cerberus Mastiff! ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I couldn't resist reviewing one of your poems since I have reviewed so many of your stories, so I chose this for my fifth review for your "Chinese New Year Celebration"  win. I'm glad I did! I loved it! The title was interesting and made me want to read the poem, and I wasn't disappointed.

I counted the syllables as I read, and you were spot-on with 24. The poem was interesting, complete, and, best of all, funny. I liked that the lines rhymed, and it didn't seem forced. I thought it was great!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I noticed that the word "impish" was in bold. Was that a prompt word for the contest? I suggest that you add an author's note at the bottom letting the reader know why that word is in bold. And if it was a required prompt word, you did a fantastic job of incorporating it into the poem!

Grammar, spelling, and punctuation were flawless. Good job.

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: I really enjoy reading your stories, and I was happy to learn that you write excellent poetry as well. I don't often review poetry...I was just going to read this poem and find something else to review. But I liked it so much I couldn't resist. I hope you keep writing, because I'm running out of things to review. Even though this is the fifth review of five for your "Chinese New Year Celebration"  win, I will definitely be back to your port soon!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review of The Flip  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Cerberus Mastiff! ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I'm back with your fourth review from your win in "Chinese New Year Celebration" . I chose this piece, because I saw that you wrote it for the Twisted Tales contest, and I love little twisted tales. I really enjoyed this one!

Your idea was original and well thought out. The story was a little confusing at first, but I quickly realized what was going on. I read it once, then went back and read it all again, and it made so much more sense the second time around. It's terrifying to think that something like this could actually happen, and you did a good job of making it believable. Also, I could easily imagine the characters and scenes that you described.

First person narration was a great choice for this piece, and the narrator kept his word. Clive did pay for what he did. He didn't end up being much of a caretaker, but he got what was coming to him in the end. The story ended perfectly, and I imagine that you did well in the contest with this little twisted tale.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I didn't understand this sentence: "Getting something more suitable would have four more years." Did you mean "...would have taken four more years."? And did the person stay dead for four years until a replacement could be found? I would have liked to learned more about that. Like where the person would be stored in the meantime. I guess it would just be the soul since the body could take different shapes and forms. Definitely something to think about.

Even with two readings, I didn't find anything else that could be improved upon. Great job!

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this little twisted tale. You write well in any genre, but I believe this one is my favorite yet. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I'll be back to your port soon for your fifth review. In the meantime, keep writing!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Cerberus Mastiff! ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

My Thoughts: I chose this story for your third review, because the title interested me, and I haven't heard of the Musical Drabble contest. I'll have to check it out. Because of the reference to "Musical Drabble" in the description, I expected the piece to somehow relate to music.

This was an interesting and unusual piece. It took me just a minute at the end of the story to catch on. lol I assumed the older man had gone to Canada to get better prescriptions, but it made sense in the end when I realized the plants he was talking about.

I believe it would have been easier for me to get into the story if the characters in the story had names and physical descriptions. It would have made it easier for me to empathize with the older man. You did give an adequate history of the older man's injury, but what was their relationship? Why were they even together in the first place?
Overall, I enjoyed this piece, but I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more had I been given more information about the characters.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, you should change the rating to 18+ because of the language used in the story. It's really important, because the piece could be removed from the site for not having an accurate rating.

I recommend that you change the description to give the reader a hint as to what to expect from the piece, and put a small author's note at the end informing the reader that it was written for the Musical Drabble contest.

When I first starting reading the piece, I assumed that the characters were a man and a woman. I suggest making it clear earlier on that it's actually 2 men.

Since the story is told in past tense, "seem" in the third sentence should be "seemed".

"someone who'd have never thought he would"

"he took in his soundingssurroundings"

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: Thank you for sharing this story. Should you decide to expand it, I would love to read the finished product. I will look for the Musical Drabble contest to try to get a better idea as to what is expected from entrants. I'll be back to your port soon for your fourth review.

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Created by Amanda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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