First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a very interesting, original story. I like the concept here. It was one that I hadn't read before. You created interesting characters and gave enough description to allow me to become interested in the story. I really liked the twist at the end. I'm a sucker for stories with a twist, and you did an excellent job.
My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, you say "and none else." I believe you meant to say "and nothing else." I would omit the word "out" from the third sentence. Same sentence, "I watching" should be "I am watching." In the last sentence, I would set "causing her to do what she did" off with commas.
Overall: I enjoyed your story, and I look forward to reading more!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This story made me want to hold myself out as being able to read tea leaves! Excellent job. Even though the story was rather short, you managed to create a perfect setting, two believable characters, and the ending couldn't have been better. The story was original and believable, and I like your writing style.
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "Already" in the last sentence of the first paragraph. In the ninth paragraph, second sentence, I would insert a comma after "time". Despite my best efforts, I saw no further errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.
Overall: I really enjoyed this short story and look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: I love the way you compared your writing process to the process of making taffy. Your descriptions are excellent! My favorite part was where you talked about tasting your words, like taffy, before you write them. Finally, I love the way you ended the story, going back to the beginning with a different thought. You have an exceptional writing style!
My Suggestions: I suggest changing the semicolon in the last sentence of the first paragraph to a comma. In the next-to-last paragraph, I would insert a period after "talk" in the first sentence.
Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed this wonderful read and look forward to reading more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: You packed quite a bit of emotion into such a short poem! You adequately conveyed your frustration and dismay and the disappointment that you felt. You set the right mood for the poem, and I enjoyed reading it.
My Suggestions: The first line doesn't flow well with the poem. You start by referring to the person whom the poem is about as "they" but transition to "you" in subsequent lines. I would rewrite the first line to reflect that. I would suggest changing "sunk in you" to "sunk into you." In the fifth line, "somethings" should be "some things". In the sixth line, there should be a space between "over" and "time".
Overall: I enjoyed reading this emotion filled poem, and I look forward to reading more.
My Thoughts: You say in the description that this story isn't finished, but despite some editing issues that I pointed out below, I think you have a complete story here. You adequately describe the setting and the main character, and you describe her problem in detail. I the story has a great ending. Good job!
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "supposed" is spelled incorrectly. I would insert a comma after "began" in the second paragraph. In the second paragraph, you have "think tha tused". This should be "think that she used". In the third paragraph, I would change the comma after "vein" to a period and begin a new sentence with "pushing". I would change "lied" to "lie" and "aways" to "away".
Overall: This was a good story that would be even better after a quick edit!
My Thoughts: This is just the kind of story I love! You have a believable character and a wonderful, exciting and mysterious plot. From what I read, I am very anxious to see why people would want to avoid Alana. I guess you'll have to write more to answer that question!
My Suggestions: In the second sentence, I believe you mean "scrapes" instead of "scapes." Second paragraph, first sentence, "accustom" should be "accustomed." Third paragraph, "decided" should be "decide".
Overall: I really enjoyed this blurb and look forward to reading the completed work!
My Thoughts: Wow! You packed quite a bit of emotion into this short piece. I know how difficult it can be to tell a complete, coherent story using a limited number of words, and you made it seem effortless. You chose an original scene, and you adequately described the characters. Your descriptive writing style made my tension build as I read this. Great job!
My Suggestions: I would suggest italicizing the thoughts that Gabriel had to help the reader distinguish them from the rest of the story. Also in the last paragraph, she actually screams whereas in the other paragraphs, she is only speaking internally. Does she really scream aloud in front of the entire class, or is the scream internal as well? Also, "breathe" is spelled incorrectly in the fifth paragraph.
Overall: Great story! I look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: This is a very interesting story. You have left me anxious to read more and find out what happens between these two people! You did a good job of creating both characters and making them interesting to the reader. I can tell that this story is just a small snippet of what's to come, and I will definitely be reading the further adventures!
My Suggestions: In the fourth paragraph, my suggestions are as follows: "she could be in her twenties, thirties for forties, depending upon how she chose to present herself. I would change "looked at his direction" to "looked in his direction". In the next to last sentence, I would change "her" to "hers". I would change "recognised" to "recognized".
Overall: Thank you for this interesting read. I look forward to the continuation!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a great, rather original idea for a story. You did a good job of describing James and giving details of some of the problems he has faced in his life thus far. The other characters you introduced were interesting as well and will likely make for some interesting conflicts for James in later chapters. You gave a lot of description in a short piece. Good job!
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "born" in the second sentence of the second paragraph. In that same sentence, I would insert "asked" after "and." Rather than write the numbers when referring to ages, I would write the actual word. For example, instead of 4, I would write four. "no where" should be "nowhere". In the fifth sentence, "stayed" shouldn't be capitalized. "a orphanage" should be "an orphanage." "none the less" should be written "nonetheless". In the last sentence of the second paragraph, I would change "haven't had" to "didn't have" since the rest of the story is told in past tense. A period should be inserted after the last sentence of the third paragraph.
Overall: I enjoyed the read and look forward to seeing further chapters!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a well-written story with a rather original theme. You did a good job of creating a believable character and of describing his problem. You also provided an adequate ending.
My Suggestions: In the fourth paragraph, "He gone willingly" should be "He had gone willingly." In the fifth paragraph, "He was had" should be changed to "He had." I would also suggest changing the rating of this story to 18 since it has material that may not be suitable for 13+ readers.
Overall: Good story! I can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I enjoyed this very descriptive piece. You made it easy to imagine the desolate scene that you described. You used a great variation of words to depict the chaotic scene. Great job!
My Suggestions: In the third sentence, "It's" should be "Its" since you're not trying to say "It is." In the fourth sentence, I would change "on to" to "onto." In the sixth sentence, I would change "in to" to "into." I would insert a comma after "land" in the ninth sentence. You kept the entire story in present tense and then changed to past in the last few sentences. I would suggest changing those sentences toward the end to reflect past tense.
Overall: I liked this story and look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: Great story. You developed the main character very well. I love the way you related the ending back to the first paragraph. You provided a lot of detail in a rather short piece, allowing the reader to adequately picture the scene as you describe it.
My Suggestions: I would insert a comma after "ears" in the second sentence. The third-from-last sentence in the first paragraph is extremely long. I suggest shortening in into two or more separate sentences. Same for the first sentence of the second paragraph.
Overall: I really enjoyed this great read. Write on!
My Thoughts: I loved this story. I noticed the words that were obviously prompts, and you did an excellent job of incorporating them in the story. You did a great job of bringing Bob to life, and I could easily imagine the scenes as you described. I loved his choice of weapons and thought it brought a bit of humor to the story. Finally, I like the way you left the reader hanging!
My Suggestions: I would suggest expanding this story now that the contest is over. I see so many areas that could be elaborated, from the can of prune juice to the conversation with the coworker to the meeting with the boss.
Overall: Thank you for sharing this. I thoroughly enjoyed it!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I visited your port and saw that you enjoy writing flash fiction in the horror genre. That's my favorite as well. I must say that you did a good job on this one. You were able to create an interesting and coherent story using few words. Your idea was original, and I really enjoyed the read.
My Suggestions: In the beginning, from your description, I imagined that the rabbit was hanging quite high in the air. Then, you made it seem so easy for the boys to stab it. I would suggest reconsidering the description of "over their heads"in the first sentence.
Overall: I really liked this short, well written story, and I look forward to reading more of your work.
My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this story. The way it was written made it easy to imagine the flood of emotions of both characters. And I like the way you told part of the story from each character's perspective. Finally, I LOVED the fact that you provided alternate endings. I would definitely choose the second.
My Suggestions: In the first paragraph, I would change both instances of "She never knew..." to "She didn't know..." In the second paragraph, I would omit the comma before "Mary." It appears that you were trying to italicize the fourth paragraph, but it didn't work. I would suggest redoing. A couple of the periods in the fifth paragraph should be commas. In the ninth paragraph, I would change "mind" to "minds." I would change "early" to "earlier" in the tenth paragraph. In the first ending, I would change "but knowing" to "but knew". I would also change "live in a life" to "live a life". In the second ending, I would also change "early" to "earlier".
Overall: Great read! I look forward to reading more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a lovely story that tells of the effects of the loss of a loved one on a holiday get-together. I love how you introduced the different characters and told of what each of them did to contribute to the story. I especially liked when the youngest started singing "Amazing Grace", quickly to be joined by the rest of the family. The ending you chose was perfect, showing that, although a loved one is gone, she lives on in the hearts of the rest of the family. Good job!
My Suggestions: I suggest capitalizing the word "Thanksgiving" in the first sentence. I would change "taking" to "takes" in the fourth sentence; otherwise, this is an incomplete sentence. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, I would change "was" to "is", because the rest of the story is told in present tense. I would change the semicolon in the last sentence of the second paragraph to a comma. In the third sentence of the third paragraph, I would change "setting sun's" to "setting sun." In the next sentence, I would omit the comma before "now." A few sentences later, I would change "ground" to "floor". Near the end of that paragraph, "grandpa's" should be "grandpas" since you're not trying to show possession. In the last sentence, "in anticipation for" should be "in anticipation of". Also in this paragraph, be careful of staying in present tense. In a couple of sentences ("was a soft whisper" "small talk continued"), you went to past tense. In the last paragraph, I would change "Snores are heard and soft sighs." to "Snores and soft sighs are heard."
Overall: This is a good story that would be even better after a quick edit. Also, I'd love to read more about Lilly and find out what happened to her!
My Thoughts: Wow! I loved this short story. I know from experience how difficult it is to write a complete, coherent story with a limited amount of words, and you make it seem effortless. You started with a catchy title, added the photograph, which was very imaginative and proceeded to tell an original tale that was both intriguing and captivating. I really like your writing style!
My Suggestions: Despite my best efforts, I found no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation. I think the story is perfect as is and would only suggest that you write and share more!
Overall: This is an excellent piece of flash fiction. I can easily see why you won with this story!
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This is a good poem to which I'm sure many school-aged children (and college students) can relate. You kept it short and sweet, but the poem was complete and thorough. Also, your descriptive writing made it easy for me to imagine the tired, frustrated students so anxious for a break.
My Suggestions: In the forth line, I believe you meant "One too many..." I don't think the word "insight" fits in the last line. I know what you're trying to say here, but I don't think it's the right word. I would suggest changing it, maybe to "in anticipation".
Overall: I enjoyed reading this poem and look forward to reading more of your work!
My Thoughts: This is a cute poem about the benefits of a cow. I like the way you wrote this piece from the cow's perspective. The rhyme scheme you used in the story was just right. I particularly like the way you set forth all of the benefits cows provide. I also like the way you repeat the first verse near the end. I think that works well for this poem.
My Suggestions: I would suggest omitting the spaces between the words and the exclamation marks. Also, the last lines in the second and fourth verses do not flow well with the rest of the poem; they're too short. I would suggest making those lines longer. For instance, I would change the last line of the second verse to something like "They give us to eat."
Overall: I really enjoyed this lighthearted poem and look forward to reading more of your work.
First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™, and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: This was a sweet story about a memorable day in your life. I could easily imagine Rachelle's initial fear and the triumph she must have felt after successfully riding the cow. Your love of animals shines through in this story, and I enjoyed reading about your adventure.
My Suggestions: In the first sentence, "wisps" is spelled incorrectly. There are several instances, especially in the second paragraph, where you didn't space after a period or comma. I would suggest inserting spaces to provide for an easier read. I would omit the word "When" from the third sentence of the second paragraph, and I would omit the comma in that same sentence. Otherwise, it isn't a complete sentence. In the fourth paragraph, "She had never rode..." should be changed to "She had never ridden..." In that same paragraph, I suggest changing the comma after "one" to a period and beginning a new sentence. Next paragraph, "had just got" should be changed to "had just gotten"
Overall: This is a nice story that would be even better after a quick edit.
My Thoughts: This is a great poem that really makes the reader think. While reading this, I thought of many possibilities: age, Alzheimer's, even just a faulty memory. You adequately convey how even the simplest things can be forgotten and missed. Good job!
My Suggestions: I would suggest changing "your's" to "yours" in the third line as "your's" is not a recognized word. Also, in the description of the poem "loosing" should be changed to "losing".
Overall: I thoroughly enjoyed the read and will definitely check out more of your work!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is an excellent poem that adequately conveys those feelings of loving someone but not having them. I liked the style in which you wrote this, and you did an excellent job with the rhyme scheme.
My Suggestions: The second line of the last verse didn't work well for me. "I don't want to want you with me" is a bit hard to say and doesn't seem to fit with the rest of this easy to read poem. I would suggest reconsidering that line. Maybe something like "I don't want to need you with me.
Overall: I really enjoyed this lovely poem, and I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: This is a great poem! I like the way you began with a dreary scene but ended with a positive note. You had a great rhyme scheme, and the poem was both interesting and well written.
My Suggestions: I would suggest changing "dim-lit" to "dimly lit" in the second line. Also, when reading the poem aloud, the third line of the second verse seems off count to me...I think it needs another syllable to flow well with the rest of the poem. Maybe you could change "quite" to "rather"?
Overall: I really enjoyed reading this poem and can already tell you're going to be a great addition to the WDC community!
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: Awww, this ended up being such a sad story! It definitely didn't end as I expected. You did a good job of setting the scene and describing the characters in a way that evokes sympathy from the reader. The story captured my interest from the first sentence and held it throughout. It also reminds the reader that not all stories have a happy ending. Good job.
My Suggestions: In the sixth paragraph, "of of him" should be changed to "out of him". In the eighth paragraph, you wrote, "He took his wallet and almost walked out the door. Miles turned..." I think this could be more clearly written. I would suggest something like, "Miles took his wallet and started out the door before turning abruptly..." In the ninth paragraph, I would change "she" to "but" after the word "sitcom". Otherwise, you have a run-on sentence here. In the following sentence, I would omit the comma after "ended". Later in that paragraph, I would change "She waited more" to "She waited longer". I would also change "settle into her" to "settle over her". There is no need to capitalize the word "aspirin". I would change "1:15, she knew" to "At 1:15, she knew."
Overall: This is a good story that would be much better after an edit.
First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™, and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!
My Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this emotion filled poem. I'm sure most of us can relate to the feelings you expressed herein. I like your writing style, and the rhyme scheme you used worked very well.
My Suggestions: I would suggest omitting the hyphen from the second verse and the emoticon from the third verse. In my opinion, they detract from the poem. I would also suggest changing the word "started" to "began" in the last verse to improve the flow of the poem.
Overall: I really enjoyed reading this, and I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community!
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I loved this story. I noticed the words that were obviously prompts, and you did an excellent job of incorporating them in the story. You did a great job of bringing Bob to life, and I could easily imagine the scenes as you described. I loved his choice of weapons and thought it brought a bit of humor to the story. Finally, I like the way you left the reader hanging!
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