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Review Requests: OFF
380 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
***To be continued***
I'm good at...
***To be continued***
Favorite Genres
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-Fi (for the most part.) ***To be continued***
Favorite Item Types
***To be continued***
Least Favorite Item Types
I am not very fond of reviewing poetry items due to my lack of knowledge concerning poetry.
I will not review...
Anything containing cruelty toward animals and children. Explicit sexual content, nor anything over GC.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a wonderful sharing of a condition so misunderstood and there-by shunned by those who are clueless. I have a 6 1/2 year old grandson with moderately severe autism. He is Grammy's special lil man! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the trinket!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Paw*A House Stark review of "Desperately Seeking Solace for Mitchopolis For game of Thrones!*Paw*


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
Oh, that poor, poor man! *Laugh* He may not have truly understood what the doctor was trying to tell him to do, but in the end, he was sure he had found it. What a terrible place to do so though, huh? Ha ha! This story is written with an engaging sense of humor, that I, as the reader, finds to be a refreshing break from all of the heartbreak that many authors write of. Heck, when it was myself, my husband, a son and a daughter, I flet a lot like this guy did. Especially in the teen-aged years! My family was even steven as far as the gender spread went, but ohhhh did my daughter give me a run for my money!

*Paw* Readability:
For the most part, this is extremely well written, and it is very easy to follow and understand, not to mention...enjoy!

*Paw* What I really liked:
I have to be honest and admit that my most favorite part of the whole story is when the caped crusader took lethal action upon her father in the bathroom. While i am sure most men wouldn't agree, I found it to be quite comical!

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** You may wish to consider the suggestion made in red font here: I'm going to find some comfort and peace even if it kills me
*** You might consider a comma here, where indicated: "Well her boobs are always hanging out (comma) she looks like a (Or, possibly making it into two independent sentences.)

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Gotta love your twisted humor in this story! It suits my twisted sense of humor perfectly! *Laugh* Thank you for sharing!

*Paw*May Your house Fare Well*Paw*


My personalized GoT sig for House Stark


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Paw*A House Stark review of "Looking Back: A Sliver of the Past for Gabriella for Game of Thrones.*Paw*


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I give this a rating of 5 stars, as I cannot imagine a single thing that you could do to make this any better other than turn it into a bigger work. It starts out so happy, and like so many relationships, it crumbles to bits.

I am gathering, by the fact that she still has the picture, which is now fading, that she never stopped loving him and remains alone years later. So sad to fall in love, only to abandoned later. It would be hard to fight to get one's "love" back, when the only competition is that he wishes to be without you...or anyone. How does one combat that?

You have done an excellent job of showing us the relationship through "her" eyes, from beginning to end. Your wording paints the emotions and images clearly in the mind of the reader.

*Paw* Readability:.
Very nice written and easy to follow and understand.

*Paw* What I really liked:
The transition, as it reminds us all that nothing is guaranteed to last forever, if we read it with an open mind and heart. This is a very real occurrence for so many people.

*Paw* Suggestions:
None.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
It was a pleasure to read your work. You a re truly gifted. Thank you for sharing your talent!

*Paw*May Your house Fare Well*Paw*


House Stark image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Paw*A House Stark review for "Invalid Item for of House (enter their House).*Paw*


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
As i read this, I found it to be extremely well thought out and wonderfully written! I can certainly see why your writing has won awards! Just the Introduction in and of itself hooked me and kept my interest well engaged throughout. I actually find myself looking forward to reading more of this book, but I fear it will have to be done after GoT is over. I'll definitely be back to check it all out!

I find myself curious as to why the young peasant girl was cast out by her family, as well as a thousand other curiosities that I will only satiate by reading the book in full. I look forward to it!

I also appreciate the fact that you fill the reader in on how locations have been renamed, and what they were previously known as. It gives the reader a clear idea of the setting and distance, as well as the changes encountered by the world as we now know it.

*Paw* Readability:
Easy to read, and extremely well written. What a pleasure to read and review!

*Paw* What I really liked:
I like the way this is so well thought out, giving vital background information to the reader, to facilitate the understanding of what may seem out of place in the future chapters, otherwise.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I have zero suggestions for you aside from this: Keep on writing, you have an incredible talent and gift for it.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing your wonderful creation with me, and allowing me to review it.

*Paw*May Your house Fare Well*Paw*


My personalized GoT sig for House Stark


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
Review of Silent Scream  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Paw*Lady Athena here with A House Stark review on "Silent Scream for Angels in my Ear For Game of Thrones *Paw*


*Paw*My Impression
Wow! Oh, wow! The pain conveyed in this poem is literally heartbreaking. It even managed to tug a tear or two from my eyes. I can relate so very closely to this. I am going through something similar, yet with a different kind of relationship. As I read this, I couldn't help but reflect on an also similar situation I experienced. One really must wonder; WHY and HOW can things just fall apart when they seemed so solid and durable? How sad but true it is. My heart goes out to you, the author, for the pain you must have been experiencing when writing this excellent piece.

You did a wonderful job with the rhyming and gaining maximum impact with this. Great job!

*Paw*Favorite Lines
Our friendship lost forever
I must walk away
But I'll always cherish
The words we used to say

The last stanza says it how it is. There comes a time we must just let go and accept what is, no matter how painful it may be, if for no other reason than self preservation.

*Paw*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling
No errors noted here

*Paw*Parting Comments
I hope you have found some peace since the writing of this piece. *Hug1**hug**Hug2*

*Paw* May Your House Fare Well*Paw*


House Stark image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
31
31
Review of Late to School  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Paw*A House Stark review for "Late to School for Andrew For Game of Thrones*Paw*


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
*Laugh* Ugh, how I dislike having one of "those days". I couldn't help but laugh because it brought back memories of being a pre-teen and teenager and waking in a terrible panic thinking, Mom's going to kill me! I'm late, I'm so late and when Mom finds out, I am dead meat! It was up to us to get ourselves awake, ready, and to school on foot and on time. We lived just inside the non-busing zone. As I'd jump out of bed in a full on "freaking out" mode, and run to the bathroom to brush my hair I would suddenly remember, Oh, hell...this is Saturday! Sometimes I'd slink off back to bed, others I'd be too wound up to even bother trying to go back to sleep. As I think back, I only recall twice I was truly late for school, but several times the scenario above played out. Thank you for entertaining me with this story that brought back similar memories of my own.

*Paw* Readability:
Very easy to read and follow. Well written!

*Paw* What I really liked:
I loved the ending, where John's friend Eoin informed him that the ringing of the phone just as John was leaving the house, had actually been Eoin calling to tell him the bus was going to be late. That's just too funny after everything he went through to make it to school on time, thinking he missed the bus!

*Paw* Suggestions:
The only suggestions i can think of would be to add more mishaps to make it even funnier! LOL

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for the laugh and the dredging up of old memories! Write on! Thank you again for sharing your work!

*Paw*May Your house Fare Well*Paw*


"Game of Thrones HOUSE STARK!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this newsletter. I really like how you cover many subjects related to blogging. I also like the design of your newsletter. It is appealing to the eye, and very informative. While you do not only cover different subjects on blogging, you also include blogs that you find to be interesting, and share a listing of several blogging groups available to your readers, here on WDC!

You invite your readers to take an active role in the creation of the newsletter, and invite feedback. Thank you for this well crafted and informative read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review of Death Bed  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:dansturn), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Invalid Item.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
I am not very familiar with forms of poetry, and perhaps not the best of people to review it, but when I read the description, I couldn't help but gravitate to this heart felt piece. It is my personal belief that when reviewing, it is not only acceptable, but proper to share how the writing affects the reader. It is obvious that her love for Jesus was an important part of her life. As was sharing her knowledge and love for her savior. As I read this poem, it was clear to me that those around her were quite touched by the rosary in her hand, almost as if her last message to everyone was to have faith in the Lord.

*Paw* Flow:
This has a fairly good flow to it, in my humble opinion. A couple of the lines seemed a little long to fit the overall flow of the rest, but again, I know little of the ways of writing poetry.

*Paw* What Works:
The love, respect, faith and togetherness, shared in this short poem, is very heart touching.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I am not quite sure what "plastic priest" represents. I know what a priest is, obviously, but not "plastic priest" Is there a way to share in this piece what that represents?

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing this. I really love the description you included under the title. It is beautiful!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


It's Mayhem March!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
34
34
Review of Second Chances  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:tssharp), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Second Chances.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
This begins as such a sad tale, with Monica losing her family to a drunken driver, only to be begrudgingly accepted by an uncle, because there was money involved. A young girl needs love, acceptance and stability. To make matters worse, when she finally thinks she has found those things, she is betrayed. Your leading character is strong and resilient, however, and upon learning she is with child, decides to do the best she can by her child, someone who will truly love and need her. I almost get the feeling from how this story unfolds, that the fathers parents never shared the letter with him, which she hand delivered to them. I get this feeling because the monthly checks come from his parents, not him.

Monica's strength shines through again, in following through with serving Angelica and Gabe's table, even after Angelica's rather rude remark. Little did Angelica know the error of her assumption. Monica show's great self control in not making a scene by trying to justify or explain her true circumstances.

*Paw* What Works:
You show in this story, not only how important love and trust are, but how; where there is a will there is a way. Alone in the world, a single mother, yet she manages to be a parent, complete her college education, and work to support herself and her child. Instead of giving up hope, she embraced the responsibility that was hers, alone.

*Paw* Suggestions:
CLICK THE ARROW

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
There is a beautiful message of hope, love and trust shared in the words of this story. Thank you for sharing your work.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


It's Mayhem March!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
35
35
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:socalscribe), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Not So Happily Ever After.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
*Laugh* This is hilarious! I love the play on the fairytales! It's almost like real life! You did a masterful job of taking animated tales and twisting them into a very entertaining story, which grabbed and held my attention throughout! I found it equally amusing that the attorney's were quite intimidated by the attorney Beauty had hired, citing how that attorney was able to win a case that should have turned out otherwise. This play on how many real life relationships was very entertaining, to say the least. But come on now, women don't ALWAYS get the upper hand in divorces! *Bigsmile*

*Paw* What Works:
The humor and creativity of the entire piece! I love it!

*Paw* Suggestions:
Don't change a single thing in this.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thanks for sharing and providing me with a good laugh!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


It's Mayhem March!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
36
36
Review of Forging a Legend  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:a.montero), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "Forging a Legend.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
A lot of thought has obviously been put into this piece. It is creative and fairly unique. You work to draw the reader in from the beginning, making us curious as to what Fate was seeing that was so difficult for him to believe. You share the utter determination of the character Velenis, in her desires and efforts to create a tool that would save an otherwise doomed world.

*Paw* Flow:
The flow to this piece is fairly good, however it is a little distracting in that it jumps back and forth from present to past, which isn't a bad thing, but if you could blend the changing time frames a little smoother, it would be beneficial.

*Paw* What Works:
The sheer determination of the Character, Velenis is an asset to this story. I like that you describe the obvious toll that the 100 day battle took on her, as well as the forging of the sword from the life iron.

I particularly like the last paragraph, where she proudly introduces her creation to Fate.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** To make this easier for the reader, I would suggest using spaces between the different paragraphs. It is so much easier on the eyes that way and also makes it easier for the reader not to lose their place.
*** In this line I believe you intended to write "she" rather than "he": and he hair had changed
*** Here I think you need the word "a": it a was mass
*** You may consider not using the word allow and allowed so closely together in this section: wondering just why he would allow for something this barbaric to be allowed into their castle, This would allow this part to read more smoothly, while still saying the same thing, but of course it is up to you.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
This Is a great creative endeavor! I think it is well worth the time and effort to polish it up and make it shine like a diamond! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


It's Mayhem March!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
37
37
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Shamrock* Welcome to Power Reviewers March Mayhem Review Raid *Shamrock*


Hello {suser:jonnswritings), Patrece here, dropping by to review your item; "The Wizard on the Porch Chapter 4 Part 1.


*Paw* Initial Impression:
This story is written with a combination of good imagery and information that is pertinent to the time and setting of this piece, giving it a feel of being authentic to the place in time, in which it is set. You even went as far as including the protective chainmail provided to the war horse. You immediately grab the readers interest and hold onto it throughout the story (Chapter). Although outnumbered, the West Andor soldiers / fighters were fearless and brave. The king did not hesitate to fight on the front line, which is an endearing quality. The group worked together as a well oiled machine.

*Paw* Readability:
This piece is an easy read, well written, and is easy to follow.

*Paw* What Works:
You give great descriptions of things such as: the Kings physical appearance, the sights, smells, etc.
My favorite part was; The air was pervaded with the smoke of the musketeer's matchlocks and cannons. The grass beat down to mud and muck slick with blood. The battlefield was all confusion; men attacking, others defending, and all about knots of men engaged in close combat. The noise and stench were overpowering.

*Paw* Suggestions:
In the next to the last line, I believe there is a misspelling. The word "ten" I think was intended to be 'them"?

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great job! I really enjoyed reading this chapter.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*


It's Mayhem March!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
38
38
Review of Astromail  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review 2/2 which I owe you for your win In a WDC auction! *Heart*


Hello, Elle I just finished reading your piece "Astromail and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I honestly don't know if you have been published yet or not, nut if you haven't, I have no idea why not, other than maybe lack of funds to self publish. I also know your primary area of writing is poetry.

This is such a touching and intimate piece of writing. You present it in a way, which leaves no doubt in the mind of the reader, of how much the couple loves one another. You provide wonderful descriptions of the senses, especially smell. The longing of wanting the other snuggled up close is palpable. One can almost feel a grumbling in their tummy as Mark reads Katherine's description of the lovely meal provided to her by a neighbor. Additionally, as a past military wife, I can so clearly relate to how Mark would find the "space meals" so unappetizing. But at least it is life sustaining, right?

Katherine, is quite obviously proud of her husband, yet the longing for his return to her is evident, as she has it counted down right to the days and hours until his return, as does he.

*Paw* Readability:
Very well written and easy to follow.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
It is wonderful, the way you describe the scent of the letter Mark holds in his hands, from his wife. He relates the scent to that of his wife, and not of the perfume that is easily purchased on earth, and likely worn by many women.

I appreciated and enjoyed the nostalgia, which is evoked throughout the story. I wonder too, does Mark snore in space? *Laugh*

The humor that was included in this piece is awesome. I particularly found the humor toward the end to be quite entertaining. I liked the way you referred to the "fart" as a "noxious gas" leaving the reader briefly wondering about the scenario before unveiling what the cause for the upgraded ventilation system is revealed. Humor is always a wonderful addition to any written piece! While I hate to admit it, farting tends to be a source of good humor for many people. If you ask me thought, I think people tend to "talk out their asteroids, way too often! LOL.

*Paw* Errors noted:
No errors were noted. Great job!

*Paw* Suggestions:
The only suggestion I could possibly think of for this piece would be perhaps to include Mark's physical reactions as he relayed the noxious gas story, maybe laughing, or grimacing at the memory of it. Or maybe to describe how the materialiser actually works.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Thank you for sharing your talent with others, like me! You do awesome work!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
39
39
Review of Sophia  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Heart* A review, to go toward fulfillment of the package you won, which I offered in a WDC auction. (review 1/2} *Heart*


Hello, Elle I just finished reading your piece "Sophia and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
WOW, Elle. This is some extremely good writing! I can see myself now, kicking back with a mug of broth and reading this story for hours, only it ended much too soon! It is so sad to think that similar situations truly did happen at one point in time. While I do not recall you pinning an age to the girl, in my minds eye, she is perhaps around nine years old. Small enough to be concealed within the cupboard, yet big enough that it was really uncomfortable for her to remain hidden within for long. She,too, was obviously old enough to be able to follow her mothers directions.

This story captured and held my attention easily throughout. The intimacy between mother and daughter was portrayed well, thus getting me emotionally involved in the story right away. Your words painted such a vivid image in the mind of this reader, I almost felt I were there, observing it all first hand.

*Paw* Readability:
So well written was this, that it was very easy and enjoyable to read.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
You did an excellent job of painting an image in the readers mind, of the home and conditions under which the characters lived, as well as the close bond they shared. Your ability to use wording in such a way is outstanding, and a very strong point in your story development.

I love the way you shared the tense moments just prior to the door being beaten upon, as well as Sophia's mothers ability to act in the face of danger, to prepare her daughter for safety. Even as she was aware her own life would soon be taken, her daughter was her sole concern. What a beautiful thing!

I also really like that although Sophia was facing unfathomable fear, she remained brave and cooperative with her mothers wishes. She was a victim herself, by the loss of her mother, home and life as she knew it, but remained diligent in following her mothers instructions. One could only imagine how this poor child must have suffered as she hid in the cupboard, listening to what must have been happening on the other side of that cupboard door. To be able to remain silent enough not to be detected had to have been so very difficult for her.

I LOVE that you included research information at the end of the story.

*Paw* Errors noted:
*** Here I noticed a slight typo: "When you are far enough way, ..." I believe you meant to type the word "away"?

*Paw* Suggestions:
I think it would have been a great addition for the reader, to have been privy to the commotion which Sophia must have heard from her hiding place in the cupboard, as well as her physical and internal reactions, thoughts, etc, at the time. However, There may have been a word limit to this, as it was for a contest. Perhaps you hit upon the most essential information, due to this fact?

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
When will the novel be released? *Bigsmile* What can I say? It really is "THAT" good! Thank you for sharing it and allowing me to review it.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
40
40
Review of Let Me Out  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a wonderful way of sharing how it feels to help captive by mental illness. I have severe clinical depression and can relate to this poem more than I'd like to admit. But why hide the truth, that the demons thrive with me as well.

We fight the good fight, trying to break free of its grip. Once in a while we are actually feeling lucky, when we escape the bond for a day or two or even more. But we know it will come back to entangle us in its dark and evil grip once more. Always, we must make the best of the good days we get.

The only suggestion I have for improving this piece, is here "You chose that" I think it should be "Choose".
Wonderful work. That you for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
41
41
Review of Dark Cloud  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Jimminycritic I just finished reading your piece "Dark Cloud for the Smiling Skies  contest and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
This creatively written piece begins by leaving no question in the readers mind on the subject of which they are about to read. The cloud reaffirms that he is not just any cloud, but a dark one. This sets the stage for reader expectations of a not so pleasant character. Immediately, I began to wonder what kind of dark and destructive content would be included here. (Great hook!) As I read on, the cloud tries to reassure us by sharing that he is a passing dark cloud. This, in my opinion, is saying that his time left in existence is short, not that he is simply passing by. The rest of the story tells of his actions, feelings and thoughts. It seems almost as if he must share his confessions and sorrow before he can fully pass. So he can leave with a clear conscience. A very human-like quality, I must say!

He takes the reader on an emotionally charged trip through his memories and experiences that resulted in a roller coaster of emotions: Pity, anger, sorrow, confusion, wonder, and back again. You were able to masterfully guide the reader through all of those said emotions toward the character, thus bringing him more fully to life for us. Toward the end, it almost seems as if his end is brought upon him by his own choice. The choice of not wanting to continue being, alone and destructive in his ways. His power makes him feel God-like, but alas, in the end he knows he is not God at all, but a small part of a bigger plan. In his final moments, he passes over a rainbow and knows that he will again have a role to play, but in a new way. In a new experiment, as he puts it.

*Paw* Readability:
This was an easy read, but I believe for one to get true meaning from it, they must read between the lines and layers. The reader must be willing to allow the story to open their mind and see the deeper meaning of all that is shared.

*Paw* Personification:
You did a wonderful job of personifying your non human character. He had: thoughts, feelings, regrets, moments of feeling superior; only to find he really wasn't. He experienced loneliness, anger, love, and demise. He knew some of his actions that he performed out of anger and self pity were damaging to others, as he also shares that he didn't hold a grudge against the earth, but that it was the easiest target for him to release his anger, shame, and pain upon.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
Some of what I feel were strong points in this work were:
***"There is a whisper in the wind telling me that if you forgive another you are in part forgiving yourself. I think it is her voice. Who else’s voice could it be?"
***"I don’t remember my forming, my inception into the sky, but it happened to me, I am proof! I exist! Here I am scatter-winded. Let me get back to my story."
***"This is my sky. LISTEN! My speech deafens. The ground shakes when I strike it with my light show, I know! Your earth becomes further wind-blown; patches become scorched as proof of my missing her. Can you tell I miss her? Full realization of what I have done hits me and I begin to cry. Rumble. She is gone." So reminiscent of regret, sorrow and pain, that humans feel when they have destroyed a relationship they treasured.

*Paw* Errors noted:
Some missing punctuation and run on sentences were noted in this piece. Something you may want to look back at and correct after the conclusion of the contest.

*Paw* Suggestions:
Umm..well... You might want to consider revising this one part, as it just sounds a bit, umm...sexual in nature: "yes, I was tired of playing with myself."

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great job! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
42
42
Review of The Forgotten One  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
How terribly sad! How a parent could choose to ignore a child of their very own, I'll never know! With your words, you paint a vivid image for the reader. This poem tugs at the heart strings, for sure. The strange part is that the baby that received the most attention is the one that passed on. Usually those are the stronger, more determined ones. Some people just do not deserve to have a child at all.
Thank you for sharing your story, in the form of a poem. I enjoyed reading it!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Deserted island  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



Click to go to the WDC Power Reviewers


*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
This review is for you for the YA review raid!

*Paw* Initial Impression:
All in all, you have a good story line here. You definitely give the reader a totally unexpected ending. You also leave the reader with some unanswered questions, which is a great hook to make them want to read what happens next. Is this part of a larger work? Maybe it should be! You could take it much farther by answering all of the questions left gnawing at the reader when it ends. Like: did Ken survive? did they run out of food and supplies? did the radio ever come back on? etc...

*Paw* What Works:
You leave the reader ripe for another chapter, by leaving them in suspense at the end. That is a wonderful hook, should this ever be part of a longer work.

*Paw* Suggestions:
*** Here you appear to have a 'tense' disagreement and need of a comma: still danced on her tip toes when she gets excited (comma) (perhaps consider "dances".
*** Here again, a 'tense' disagreement: knowing that they will would be coming back a lot. (because at this moment in the story, you are discussing what has happened, not what IS happening.
*** over here by those these rocks As opposed to"over there by those rocks"
*** Ken pointed to the an area nearby the table where they sat.
*** This may read better as suggested: As if some bad joke had been done played on the group

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
With a bit of polishing and editing, this piece will shine! Seriously...consider adding to it. Thank you for sharing your work.

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based only on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



Click to go to the WDC Power Reviewers


*Paw* Why I chose to review this work:
For the January 2016 Power Reviewers Genre Raid for YA.

*Paw* Initial Impression:
This is a very creative and enjoyable story to read. It did a fairly good job at grabbing and holding my attention, throughout. It also, was a good call, on Preston's part, to allow his sister to join him. Alice, seemed to become less uptight and more brave as the story moves along, and her brother, in my opinion, seems surprised and in awe of the bravery she displays. This short story would be a perfect chapter in a longer piece of work. There are so many directions you could take with it. I think you should think about doing so! It really is a nice read.

*Paw* What Works:
Your occasional use of mild humor in this piece helps make it fun to read. In example: He was on the way out of his house when he saw his older sister, Alice, standing in front of a mirror. "Looking at your favorite thing?"

Alice's quick thinking in moments of dire straights really saved the day for the two characters.

This is a nice read, and is perfect for making the reader want to see where the story started and where it might lead. You hooked the reader! In this case, it was me.

*Paw* Suggestions:
There are a few things i have found to make suggestions on, to help you improve the wording or flow or punctuation in this story, but nothing major at all really.
*** A comma is needed where indicated: said Preston(comma) a little bit more calm.
*** A comma is needed where indicated: Others(comma) that it can be obtained
*** The first comma is not needed here: Then, go there, but
*** This line would sound more show and less tell with a simple swap of one word: Then the two gulped because as a big black bear emerged...
*** The wrong word is used here: She almost sounded more sorry for the bear then than afraid of it.
*** Here a slight rephrasing, or dropping the last word (which might be best) would make it read much better: but it kept a respectful distance away.
*** A question mark is needed at the end of this question, rather than a period: "Are you here."
*** Here it would read smoother if you replaced one word: From out of the mountain there was came a sound
My last suggestion would be to give us more details on what the characters look like, and details on the surroundings, and the reptile, etc, so we can get more of a mental image of it all. This too helps in hooking the reader further.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
I really like this story and believe that with just a few changes it will shine! It is good enough, that I believe it deserves the time and attention in doing so, and again...consider expanding it! Thank you for sharing!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is not an easy task for me to review a poem, as I am not familiar with all of the styles and such. Bit I saw this posted in the newsfeed, and decided to take a peek.

Knowing what I am doing in poetry or not, I know when I read something I really like. And I really like this poem! As I read it, I felt as if I was lying on the ground in a lush meadow, looking up as the scene unfolded.

I have no criticism to share on this, but only one question to ask. (To help me understand poetry a bit better) I noticed all stanzas had four lines, except the last. Is the free verse poetry or ??? Sorry but as I said I am ignorant of the world of poetry.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Now, just do the next WRITE thing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review Too!*Heart*


Hello, Princess Zelda I just finished reading your piece "7 Glasses Of Pure Love and I wanted to offer you the following comments.


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
It is quite evident to me, as the reader, that this piece has been written from the heart, with a loving intention of sharing the message you have with others. It is a refreshing pleasure to read a piece that is so full of positive intentions and genuine caring, which is offered to those who read it.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I really thought that the way you compare purity of love to purity of water and healthy foods was brilliant. It is also so very true. True, kindhearted love is as essential to basic human needs as are nourishment and water, and even the air we breathe. What a very beautiful message you convey.

The addition of the poem at the end of the piece was a beautiful touch and a wonderful way to wrap up the message you share.

Toxic water and food can kill us physically, toxic love can kill us emotionally. You make this message abundantly clear and encourage your audience to stay away from the toxic, and go with the pure, even if it may not be the easiest way to go.

*Paw* Errors noted / Suggestions:
click here for comments

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Again, I want to wish you a happy WDC anniversary! I appreciate that I have been able to read this heart-felt piece. I also think it is very neat that you added the explaination for the number seven, at the end. That is super cool, I didn't know that!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Body  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Sum1 I just finished reading your piece "The Body and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
In the first two-thirds or more of this story, you really had me going. Yes, I was getting all ready to tell you what a good story it was, but follow it up with the good ole "You didn't follow the rules," Ya got me on this one! *Laugh*
Ken was so macho and full of himself, that made it even easier to believe it was a real person. Your description of the fall seemed realistic enough, only that is one mean little girl!

I enjoy the way you peppered "Ken's" thoughts throughout this story, this even further personifying him. You described what he felt once he reached the top of the hill and what he observed on his descent. Sharing his aspirations to conquer bigger and better mountains, he talked to himself as he tried to carefully make his way back down.

*Paw* Readability:
This was nicely written and easy to follow along with. You effectively painted images in the mind of the reader.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The way you laid out this story to make it sound like a man was enacting the character "Ken" almost the entire time, then gave it a cork screw twist at the end. Wonderful!

I also think it was wonderful when Ken decided if he lived through the fall, he would change his ways and not be so stuck on himself.

You keep the reader in suspense as Ken is lying helplessly 500 feet lower than his starting point. First the bird approached without fear, pecking at the flesh of his wound. Finally, as the bird took flight, a bear approached for easy pickings as well. Lucky for Ken, that was when Barbara was shooed outside to play by her mother.

*Paw* Suggestions:
I am sorry to disappoint here, but I caught a little something when I initially read through it, but was unable to locate it again. I think it was just a tiny punctuation error.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
The only other thoughts I have to share are: first, This story kept me hooked from beginning to end. Second: I hope for Ken's sake (the real Ken who just moved in next door) Barbara is MUCH nicer to him! *Laugh*

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of When we align  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.


*Heart* A Paper Doll Gang Review *Heart*


Hello, Jimminycritic I just finished reading your piece for the smiling skies contest, "When we align and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
You were tasked with quite the job of personifying two very strong, yet polar opposite emotions. "Hate" definitely brought to mind a petulant child, selfish and thinking everything is about him / her. My interpretation of the statement repeated many time, "I am love..." Made me wonder if perhaps that was 'loves' way of telling 'hate' that she really did not understand all of the complaints and hate being spewed, or if maybe it was 'loves' way of ignoring the complaining, 'hate'. Finally, near the end of this piece 'love' had a chance to explain her position. 'Hate' definitely held the dominant role here.

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
I really enjoyed the part where 'Hate' said to 'Love' "You are Love; you have to love me so I am right. Right?" I found this to be a very endearing quality to 'Hate' having to know that 'Love' "HAD" love him / her. There were also a few other places where 'Hate' looked to 'love' for confirmation. I also liked the part where 'Hate' practically admitted to not hating 'Love'

I also really liked that at the end 'Love' asked 'Hate' "Don’t you hate being stuck here?" In my humble opinion this was a big deal for their alignment, as the title indicates. I may have misinterpreted, but somehow doubt it, as there is a purpose for the title you chose.

*Paw* Suggestions:

***Here: in a blade of grass Hating being stuck in the soil, The "H" in the word "Hating" should not be capitalized.

***You may want to capitalize all words in the title.

***While you shared what each character 'hated' or 'loved', I think the personification of them could have been brought to life just a bit better if you went a little farther and explained how they felt and reacted to those things. For example, you mentioned how 'hate' hated it when 'Love' whispered her sweet little words, while he was busy trying to convince the "things" otherwise. But you didn't explain how he reacted to that. Nor how 'Love' reacted to the things she loved.

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
All in all your little piece was a joy to read. It at times reminded me of playing referee with my kids when they were young. And the final line that 'Love' spoke to 'Hate' proves that nobody is perfect! Great job!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of "The Best Gift"  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I ran across this story of yours, when I was in your port, trying to figure out just what MB to pick out for you from Hannah and Os. I couldn't close it out, because the second I read the word "Autistic" you had me. You see, my daughter has a (now) 5 year old son that has moderately severe Autism. So this is a subject very near and dear to my heart. If you ever decide to pop into my port, it is featured at the top and entitled "Grammy's Special Lil' Man. And believe me, he is!

With all due respect to your request that you wish this piece remain unchanged, I am not going to review it from a "suggestive" point of view. And for the most part, I don't see where it needs to be.

My daughter was told she would never have a child. Well, she fooled them! She has Braxten, aged 5, and a 14.5 month old son and an almost 10 week old daughter now. Of my daughters 3 children, I have to be honest in saying that Braxten will always hold a special place in my heart. He stays here with "Grammy" quite a lot, and if I am anywhere near, his momma may as well not exist. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the children very deeply. But Braxten, well...he's just my special lil' man!

When he is experiencing his worst of times, I can calm and sooth him almost always now. If I can't, no one can. I am in the process of becoming his respite provider, as I need an income but have stayed unemployed for quite a while to be there for him. I am an LPN, but more than that, I "get" him much more than most do.

Just out of curiosity, do you have experience with an autistic individual? Thank you for sharing your work. It really is quite beautiful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Enchanted Tales  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please understand that this review is based on my own opinion and thoughts. I am not a professional editor or writer, although, I wish I were! Any suggestions made here are made in an honest and caring effort to help you identify possible areas of improvement, and to share what I believe worked well for you in this writing.



Hello, Choco Ohhhh NaNooooo! I just finished reading your piece "Enchanted Tales and I wanted to offer you the following comments!


*Paw* My impression of this piece:
I have to say that all in all this is a very well written piece! It captures the readers attention and hold it throughout the short story. I have to admit that I believe this could be the beginning of a bigger work for you! I very much enjoy your writing style.

*Paw* Readability:
It is very easy and pleasant to read this story. It is laid out in a way that the reader can follow along without having to go back and re-read sections to put it together. There were very few areas in which I felt there might be the need to make a change or two, but this will be addressed later in my review. All in all it is written very clearly.

*Paw* Character development:
As far as your main character goes, you did a great job of giving the reader a feel for her, and where she is coming from. It helped too, that you shared how her relationship with her father varied quite a bit from that of her brothers. Not much was said about mum, until after her father had been frozen in time, basically. If you were to turn this into a longer piece, it would be wonderful to get more of a feel for each character, but I think you did well with it, being a shorter piece. (Except for mum. She just seemed a bit too easy going about the situation, not asking for more of an explanation on what the daughter knew about her husbands condition.)

*Paw* What works well / Strong points :
The incantations from the special book were wonderful! As were the reversal spells. Very creative and entertaining. I like the way that once she had everything in place, the incantation appeared to her once more, and allowed her to bring her father back from the spell he was under. Best of all, Martha did not knowingly put her father under the spell in the first place. She really had no idea what would occur.

*Paw*Possible errors noted: Click here:

*Paw* Suggestions:
As I mentioned earlier, This could make a really great beginning to a much longer tale. Think about it!

*Paw* Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Keep on doing what you are doing. You have a wonderful talent and I can see you going BIGTIME one day!

*Pencil*Just do the next WRITE thing!*Pencil*

Patrece

My first sig I created myself.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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