| A Paper Doll Gang Review
My impression of this piece:
This creatively written piece begins by leaving no question in the readers mind on the subject of which they are about to read. The cloud reaffirms that he is not just any cloud, but a dark one. This sets the stage for reader expectations of a not so pleasant character. Immediately, I began to wonder what kind of dark and destructive content would be included here. (Great hook!) As I read on, the cloud tries to reassure us by sharing that he is a passing dark cloud. This, in my opinion, is saying that his time left in existence is short, not that he is simply passing by. The rest of the story tells of his actions, feelings and thoughts. It seems almost as if he must share his confessions and sorrow before he can fully pass. So he can leave with a clear conscience. A very human-like quality, I must say!
He takes the reader on an emotionally charged trip through his memories and experiences that resulted in a roller coaster of emotions: Pity, anger, sorrow, confusion, wonder, and back again. You were able to masterfully guide the reader through all of those said emotions toward the character, thus bringing him more fully to life for us. Toward the end, it almost seems as if his end is brought upon him by his own choice. The choice of not wanting to continue being, alone and destructive in his ways. His power makes him feel God-like, but alas, in the end he knows he is not God at all, but a small part of a bigger plan. In his final moments, he passes over a rainbow and knows that he will again have a role to play, but in a new way. In a new experiment, as he puts it.
This was an easy read, but I believe for one to get true meaning from it, they must read between the lines and layers. The reader must be willing to allow the story to open their mind and see the deeper meaning of all that is shared.
You did a wonderful job of personifying your non human character. He had: thoughts, feelings, regrets, moments of feeling superior; only to find he really wasn't. He experienced loneliness, anger, love, and demise. He knew some of his actions that he performed out of anger and self pity were damaging to others, as he also shares that he didn't hold a grudge against the earth, but that it was the easiest target for him to release his anger, shame, and pain upon.
What works well / Strong points :
Some of what I feel were strong points in this work were:
***"There is a whisper in the wind telling me that if you forgive another you are in part forgiving yourself. I think it is her voice. Who else’s voice could it be?"
***"I don’t remember my forming, my inception into the sky, but it happened to me, I am proof! I exist! Here I am scatter-winded. Let me get back to my story."
***"This is my sky. LISTEN! My speech deafens. The ground shakes when I strike it with my light show, I know! Your earth becomes further wind-blown; patches become scorched as proof of my missing her. Can you tell I miss her? Full realization of what I have done hits me and I begin to cry. Rumble. She is gone." So reminiscent of regret, sorrow and pain, that humans feel when they have destroyed a relationship they treasured.
Some missing punctuation and run on sentences were noted in this piece. Something you may want to look back at and correct after the conclusion of the contest.
Umm..well... You might want to consider revising this one part, as it just sounds a bit, umm...sexual in nature: "yes, I was tired of playing with myself."
Final Thoughts / Side Notes:
Great job! Thank you for sharing!
Just do the next WRITE thing!
** Image ID #1563070 Unavailable **