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794 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.com. I see you are very new. I look forward to reading more of your work when you get it posted to your portfolio. You'll find us a freindly and helpful community.

This is an interesting poem with a lot of double meaning in it. The narrative goes from observing the world to putting your finger on the emotions that rack us all. This is deep, and I like it


You may want to go back to your original page and put a rating, like E for everyone, or 13+ for maturity level.

I didn't see any punctuation, and suspect you're one who puts the commas and periods in an oral reading. Don't forget to edit that part. That's my only suggestion for improvement. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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Review of MISCELLANEA  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"They Come at Night," a nightly saga of torment, is indeed written in abcb rhyme form with eight beats per line. You follow the form perfectly.

I have a suggestion, which would probably mess the entire scheme up, but forgive me, I must.

You state the devil that haunts you is "my thoughts, my memories. . . "

It is fine as it stands, but I'm surprised that you didn't do one of two things:

* either have three non-specifics (thoughts, memories, _________?) to have the "perfect three" reference, or

* give more specific form to those memories -- who or what they are of.

Like I said, changes would mess up the lovely work you have here. Write on.

peace, patrice *Flower2*

A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I feel like I've raided your GP closet tonight. This is the second of yours I've read. I enjoyed reading the style you write in.

Your words flow easily, even without rhyme. You have many picturesque images throughout this poem. The images you paint with words are my favorite part of this.


It seems that run over and left for dead, and run over and left to die are almost the same thing, except maybe being left to die would come first. Yes, I'm being infinitely picky, but you want to have it right! Either kill one of the lines or re-phrase it.

My favorite lines are the part about authority and the menu of time. You're quite linguistic with a phrase.

Really good job. Your second stanza is missing the period at the end. You may have missed that.

Write on.

peace, patrice *Flower2*

A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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279
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is excellent, especially, I must say, to have been written by a fellow. You've hit the nail on the head with men being "physical" and women being "emotional."

Great imagery in the flower. Great job. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

ps If you look at your final copy (that we read) you've got one line with a hard return that kind of skips from one line to the next with too much space.

A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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280
Rated: E | (4.0)
In a statement contrary to fact, use the word "were" instead of "was."

Also, I think perhaps you have some commas where you ought to have periods. Try reading this aloud, and put the periods and commas as they fall in speech. That's what I do in my poetry.

The poem fits the title well. It also feels a bit "Alice in Wonderland." Great job. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Grow On, America  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent editorial recounting the days after 9/11 when all Americans felt closer. It's so appropriate to think of this now, and wonder wheather those in the United Kingdom are going through the same feelings we did.

Thought provoking and beautifully formatted. I wouldn't have thought that gray would have shown up as well as it does. Excellent job on everything.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of A Dream  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Beautiful poem with lots of colors and vivid images. Just the right length with a great rhythm.

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

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283
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this short description of you as a writer.

I think this might appear better on the page, formatting wise, if you break your info up into separate paragraphs with some double spaces in between the paragraphs. I think you'll see where the breaks go if you give it a look over.

Great stuff. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

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284
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great flash fiction with Michael Jackson and his attorney before the trial ended. With the trial over. . . it's funnier.

This is so, how can I say, charming--charming, that's it.

Write on.
peace, sunflower {ea:flower2}
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285
Review of Ghetto Streets  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I guess you meant black feet as dirty feet, but since you're talking "ghetto" I'm not sure that some people might take it racially.

I'd like to see this one with punctuation. Edit, anyone?

Writing.Com Signature #5

in peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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286
Rated: E | (5.0)
A forum on Christianity, Christ, and all that goes in to believing or not, it would seem.

Certainly interesting for a forum.... Will check back to see what sort of responses you get. This may be a wild one!

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of The Monster  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great imagery in this one, such as "sadness. . .like a gray, suffocating cloud. . . " Your entire first paragraph is chocked full of pictures and thoughts that readlly bring the reader in. Second paragraph too,

In the second paragraph, did you mean the word "towards" instead of "twords"?

At first I thought this would be about a couple breaking up. It was after the third paragraph before you gave additional information, and I like your timing with info you give out in this. The whole thing falls into place by the end--and it's very unexpected from the beginning.

This is a bewitching piece, and I think it shows you have a great skill with language.

Congrats on a great work. Write on, and on,

In peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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288
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is beautiful. One would almost think you have stepped into another realm of writing, realm of feeling and thinking, from some of our other communications. Wish I could fin. . . .

A message that in my heart do
Flow tender emotions;
That "it" too has feelings of love
And romantic notions.

Does "it" refer to the noun "heart?" I was almost expecting a she there, but this could only be written one-sided, I guess. Excellent, and most feeling, most chivalrous and unrequited it would seem.

I like this a lot, Khalish. Write on, and on,

In peace, patrice *flower*

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289
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found a link to an in-depth review area. These kinds of reviews are SO helpful. Thew more information, the more valuable the review. I think we all should try to do an in-depth review, maybe once a week. Some articles are easier to get into the meat of than others.

I really like it when someone tells me specifically what they liked best and why, then tells me the parts that didn't work/typos--so I can go back and get it right.

Reviewers just need to be gentle in the way they say what they say. You are actually attacking someone's baby, their creation. So when you give your advice, be humble, and be specific. The more info I get on a review, the better I like it.

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear CJ,

I looked at the link to your article for several days before clicking on it. It felt like something I needed to do for myself, like a yicky vitamin. I didn't find that to be the case at all.

This is an interesting overview of literary trends, with specif and detsiled examples of each. This is a very useful article to those interested in behind-the-scences, history sort of readings. It's a writing about writing.

Writers who read about writing, and apply what they learn become better writers. This article gives specifics for me to pay more attention to in my own writing. Thanks for sharing it.

A few suggestions, although this article is VERY good! It's so good, I'd like to see it perfect. Suggestions come from a former English teacher turned writer.

* The reader figures out by the end of the first paragraph that the article will be about literary eras. When I thought what this might be about, I was thinkg art. It could have been. Go ahead and put the word litereary in your first paragraph, because some of us will read over the info in the introduction section.


* "The reversal of traditional roles(Example: women" ~~ You need an extra space before the parenthesis.


"More use of the 1st person narrative," ~~~~ Go ahead and spell out f-i-r-s-t. This article is formal enough to stick with editorial standards, or the way a book editor would want.

"where there is usually one narrator (3rd person typically)" ~~~~ Spell out third

"Postmodernism came about around the end of WW2" ~~~ again, it's best not to write short cuts. I believe the standard printing of WWII and WWI, is to use the capital I key.

"except it is more playful, for lack of a better term." ~~~ Don't waste words on berating your word choice. Playful is fine. If it's not, go to a thesaurus and find a better word to use.

"it isn’t required that all are used in order for a piece to be classified as modernist writing" ~~~ Your pronoun has no referent. "It" doesn't refer to anything. Re-word the sentence so that "it" is out.

You've done a fantastic job on this. Please take my suggestions as a critique to help make your great writing even better.

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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291
Rated: E | (5.0)
This auction is for stuff! Material stuff to get your hands on, and in some situations savor a bit. Pizza Hut, Lowe's gift card, I think I need to go read through the DVDs available again.

Everyone should check out "Celebrities of Writing.Com Auction"  just to see the variety, and then leave your bid for the one, or two things you can't live without. What a deal!

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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292
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is beautifully picturesque, and I like that you have the poem centered on the page. It looks great, and I think it gives a more professional feel to the work.

You chose relatively few nouns, but your descriptions are vivid and complete. Excellent job.

In the second stanza, I'd be tempted to use the word "lay" rather than "lead" although lead is exactly what you mean. "Lay", however, rhymes with "day" in the first stanza, and would give your work a more expected rhythm to the poem. But, I like it as it is too.

The ending was kind of unexpected for me. Would you want to extend that thought? Are you one to expand poems?

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peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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293
Rated: E | (4.5)
Whoa! This is a very short short story!

You do a great job of building up tension from the very start. You have a beginning, a middle, and an excellent end.

One suggestion,

 in this part, you need an extra space between the comma and "I'm." "Oh,I'm in big trouble."

Writing.Com Signature #5

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Hope  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this poem when clicking on a "Walmart" search. It's very touching, and nicely rhymed.

I feel for the man you write about. There are so many like him, everywhere. I agree with your conclusions about having hope, and help, rather than a hand out.

My only suggestion for improvement in this poem would be to work in more specific visual description. We all have seen the homeless, but adding specific details about this one--or one you create in your mind--would bring the reader even closer.

This is good work.

Writing.Com Signature #5

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Just thoughts  
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a great collection of inspirational thoughts. I appreciate that you use sources in addition to the Bible, because the Spirit is everywhere. I've bookmarked this one {{e:smile}

Did you come up with the first stanza yourself, or is it a saying? I never heard it before, but I like it.

Great job. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

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Review of Evil Teacher  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like your rhyming narrative about a day in the life of a music class. If you introduced the poem that way, instead of the way it's worded now, perhaps any teacher reading this wouldn't immediately get her dander up. This isn't so much about a teacher's responses to an irritating situation as it is a "day in the life" type of situation. I do like the way this ends.

This is a good rhyming narrative, especially for the length. My one problem with your poem is the pulling in of "names" as a convenient rhyme. Cute, but could you add more substance?

Like I said, I like this a lot--but as a former teacher I'd like to see you explain with a little wider perspective of the entire situation.*Star**Star**Star*

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Modern Woman  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your poem called "Modern Woman." I wasn't really sure what to expect, with the intro you've given the piece. I get what you meant is you saw the picture of a woman of ancient Greece, and it inspired you to write this poem.

I like the rhyme pattern. I like the repitition of your lines for emphasis. The one thing I didn't get was the use of the word "Imperials." It left me thinking government, but that's imperialism.

I rate this a darn good work! You have raised an interesting question, and your poem does not attempt to answer the question--which is okay in my book.

Great job. Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What an excellent place to start reading when you want to get going on that writing career. As a matter of fact, I do. Others will want to give this a read too--although it's a lot of information to take in during one sitting.

This is a wonderful extended article that covers do's, don't, and a very easy to follow set of suggestions to get that query in the mail.

I'm going to print this one for re-reading and reference. Thanks so much!

Going Pro this year!

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

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Review of FOREVER  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice lyric. I like how you approach always in so many different ways. I like the rhyme, but felt the content was a bit cliched--like it's been done before. . ."test of time. . . you'll be mine. . . stars still shine." I realize this is lyrics, so that comment may not be justified. Good job though. Write on.

218143218143

peace, sunflower *Flower2*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
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Review of A bird in a cage  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am glad you appreciated my previous review. I'm happy to help other writers over the stumbling blocks that I can. We all help each other here.

Okay, this is a pretty detailed review~~ everything is just a suggestion, as YOU write your own stuff``AND IT'S REAL GOOD.


Ankush, your artistry with words shines, more than your punctuation does in this poem. I'm very moved by the subject and your literary presentation of being caged in. Your subject has many daily life implications. Your choice of words are perfect and flow easily, and your rhyme falls right in time. You've got a beat, and you keep it going. It's a good thing.

However, I question your punctuation. Though not a soap box fan of the semicolon, I think we're not on the same page about its use.

Let me quote from my old grammar book:

Semicolons are used--

*Between main clauses without an expressed connective

* Between main clauseslinked with a conjunctive adverb

* With coordinating conjunctions, and

* To separate elements containing other marks


In the first stanza, you use the semicolon properly. I losely interpret the semicolon rule to say "use it to stick two sentences (with subject and verbs) together. It's like glue instead of a period. I have a strange way of phrasing things sometimes. Are you still with me?

Your use of semicolons in this section, I don't understand.

But then, I was taken aback;
when he irately said:
'Dolt! If you don't understand my feeling;
then please stop muttering!'

I would suggest:

But he is protected inside
from the marauders outside.
But then, I was taken aback
when he irately said:
"Dolt! If you don't understand my feeling,
then please stop muttering!"

I would suggest for you to use another word besides "asked" in your conversation with the bird in the cage. You have lots of options that are more specific, for example--questioned, a query, a reply, a loud squeel of conviction--you get the idea. . . .

(then you could use the word reply, as in "I replied to his question. . . ")

"But he is protected inside; from the marauders outside." I question use of semicolon.

Question use of "But" again. Can you think of another word? . . . and, however, never-the-less. . . But means "in contrast to what has come before, a 'not alike" of the thing that came before. You use "But" three times in your poem. That's okay, but two would be better.

I hope all this critiquing is what you were expecting. Since I used to be an English teacher, I have a lot of rules burned into my head.

I liked very much that you put a glossery at the bottom of your poem. Most of the general meanings are the same here in Texas, but you include nuances. Bravo *Star*

This is a very good work, and I like it alot. You are a very talented writer. Stick with it, my Friend. What season is in India now?

peace, sunflower *Flower2*

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{{b}My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" {/b}

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