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Review of Research Writing  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh Waterbaby! I'm so glad I found your poort. I'll enjoy looking through what you've placed here for us, and I may pick up on some of your ideas. WHAT AN EXCITING PORT*Bigsmile*

I think there's probably a lot of history between the lines here. I really admire what you have going as far as covering basics. I might duplicate your Freshman English Class Folder {balloon7}

Hope others will stop and read some of your great writing about writing. You have talent, my Dear!

Peace, a sunflower in TexasWriting.Com Signature #5
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Glad to locate your blog, since we've already got a magnatism for writing about the 1960s. I see you're pretty new to the site, and wanted to officially welcome you here. You'll find we're writers of all things on all levels, reacing out to connect with what we create. Wander around the site, and you'll find interesting and challenging ideas, and lots of friends to share with and learn with. All in all, we're great, and I know you'll be happy writing with us.

I'm real impressed, just canning over the blog you're getting started. You indent, and use quotes, and format so beautifully. The titles, and your articles intrigue me, so I'll soon be back to your port when I can stay longer.

I look forward to writing about shared 60s memories!

Write on, dude.

Peace, sunfower

Meet the Beatles album cover
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228
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this one a lot, Don. You say what you are going to explain, and then you explain it. Perhaps some of that direct explanation at the first could have been a little less straight forward, and more questioning, or anticipatory, or something...

You found the right words to convey your awareness of beauty in art, and in the art of woodworking.

There were a few places where--well--you'd catch the spots after this has set a bit and you go back to it. I'll send an email with suggestions later. I didn't rate this one as tops yet, but it certainly has potential. You've good a good job on a difficult task.

I think one of the strengths of this piece is your use of the senses in describing wood. It's tactile and visual, as well as having density. . . you did a great job on that part. If you're able to spice up, or specific up, some details of your images (I don't remember lots of color words, and color adds to vision for a reader).

Somehow, I was left wanting a "feels like" or "is like" or "is" -- some kind of literary technique where you describe something being like something else. Could be many things. . .

You're very talented with words and ideas, and this wrestle with words over beauty turned out very well. Write on.

Peace, a sunflower in Texas
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Perfect Essay!


After reading your well thought out, and clearly constructed article about dealing with bipolar disorder, you've convinced me of the need to install a "gate" in my own wall, which you describe so clearly.

I hear stanzas of Robert Frost in my head. . . I need to look it up, and share.

"Mending Wall". . .

(There it is, where we do not need a wall.)

"He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines. . .

But he just says,
'Good fences make good neighbors'. . . .

Something there is that doesn't love a wall."


I am bipolar also, and found your information both reassuring and challenging. You've challenged me to set up some specific personal goals--and that is ta gift of life! As a bipolar, I work well with lists that can bew crossed off to give a feeling of accomplishment. I thrive in that kind of situation. It helps to know what you're good at. I think you said that in your article. It really is good. Thanks for writing this, and giving me ideas. If I were your boss, I'd give you a raise!

The most spectacular thing about this articles is that it is written in two sections: 18 years of age, or so, and then and 20 years later. Now I wish I hadn't burned all my writings in 1985, but sometimes you need the flame, if you know what I mean.

Your general circumstances, and even specifics of hospitalization, seem very familiar to me. We could even be on the same meds, but I won't ask. I know enough psychopharmacology to know that if a prescribed psych pill helps one bipolar, it won't necessarily do the same thing for the next patient.

One point to bring away from this article is that all bipolars should see psychiatrists who treat and prescribe. They are able to make life much more pleasant for all concerned, as long as we take our meds..

I find a great deal of comfort in your words, even though I don't have the "four things" your enumerate--though I might someday, if Prince Charming ever finds me *Smile*

I have a bipolar friend who I feel needs to be shocked with some statistics, and I started at the computer searching for the percentage of bipolars who commit suicide. I've read it somewhere before, and it was so high I guess my brain erased the numeric details.

The only suggestion I would make on this great piece would be to add that grisley statistic about suicides towards the end of your first section. I'll e-mail you the link when I find it. On the other hand, the tone of the article is very friendly. And if you did add statistics, it would definitely alter your tone.

I believe each writer know best for herself/himself in the end, 'ya know? Spelling and grammar can be corrected, but creative artistry should be the author's business.

Have you considered sending this article to some magazine for publication? It's a timely topic and well composed. It seems the right length for a magazine article. Maybe you would want to investigate and query some mags.

In the meantime, I award you lots of stars on this one, and keep up the good work, my Friend. I look forward to reading more of your writing in your port. Thanks so much for sharing *Bigsmile*

Peace, a sunflower in Texas

ps. You've inspired me to create some new bipolar writing, -er writing about bipolar disorder. I couldn't even read my bipolar writing at times *Smile*
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice exercise in rhyme, and an interesting message too. In addition to your great rhyme scheme, I get a hint of your religious convictions.

I might suggest reading through with the idea of adding a few commas for clarification of phrases. What you have feels more like a list than a literary genre example, but as a unique style it has its admirable qualities.

I notice you're kind of new to the site. When you get a chance, will you introduce yourself by writing some biographical info or a howdy note in your "Bio Block"? You can access that in the section called "My Account" which has a link at the top of your page.

Good writing. Write on.

Peace, Spooky Sunflower
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231
Rated: E | (4.0)
Since I like to read short poems, I like this one which is made up of five lines. With so few words, one would expect the message to be more brief than it is, when you stop and think about it.

I like that you have ideas that aren't necessarily related to each other, but when you put them together, they leave the reader with a sense of wondering, a sort of idea expansion exercise.

If one could define what the pleasures of life are, I'm sure it would include open skies, rainbows, and all the thoughts that go on in the mind of one who is seeing the blue skies and rainbows. If you added to this, you could take the reader on a more specific path. But, on the other hand, it's nice the way it is. It leaves a lot of blanks for the reader to fill in. In poetry, there's a real plus in the art of what is left unsaid.

Good job.

Peace, a sunflower in Texas
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Review of haunted  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like the size of your poem. One reason I clicked to read this one was because my attention span is working best with smaller works this evening. One can't always be up to reading several chapters of a novel. Plus, as a poet myself, I know about how much "literary stuff" I could generally use in a work of that size.

I really like some of your unique descriptive phrases and ideas: "Alleys of time, digging in a graveyard of your past, pulling the blinds over facts, shaking the land of nightmares. . . all these are just excellent at painting a unique picture in your descriptive narrative.

Last line in your first stanza--the word should be spelled "maybe."

Consider making a few minor additions? I don't exactly know why, but this is what I expected to read, with the additional articles and prepositions. This wording may change your meaning though. I wasn't sure about that.

"And shake the lands of nightmares where spirits used to sleep,
As the beats inside each heart of those would just begin to creep,
Stretching anger towards my soul…to reveal its shameful stain,
They grabbed my heart with all its fears and mixed it with the pain.

I just noticed I also added a punctuation pattern that you didn't have. I'm big on putting punctuation in poems. Maybe you would consider adding some when you edit this next time.

In the final stanza, are the bars really there, are is this something that only she can see??? If the bars are visible only to her, maybe you could add that information somehow.

At first I thought your ending was creepy. Then I realized it made me feel creepy. You pulled an emotion out of me that's usually reserved for late night viewings of "Twilight Zone." BRAVO!

This is a most excellent literary venture. Since one can always improve an early draft, I rated at 4.5, but it's great!

I'm so glad that you are here with us at Writing.com, and I hope to read many more of your writings. I've been here awhile, and you can see what a collection one can accumulate over time if you visit my port. You are a FAB writer! Give us more!

Peace, a sunflower in Texas
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely writing, and what a lovely picture to match! I'll be following the trails of Ms. Hooves more cl0sely now that I've seen her in the "flesh."

It takes the picture just the right amount of time to load.

Congrats on this one. Your intoduction hooked me in. Good writing!

Perace, Patrice
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Review of You Fool  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is the best poem I've read this evening. You give pictures whicvh tell of so many emotions. You have a great way with rhyming poetry.

Peace, Patrice
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Review of Tweeze  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this poetic narrative as it does a good job of explaining this tweezer compulsion that I have too. One wouldn't think of tweezers as the subject of a poem, but it works out with your piece. Something about little unwanted hairs, and having a pair of tweezers, that drives us women crazy.

I heard that the American Indians had no beards because they plucked out their facial hair. At least we're in good historic company.

Keep up the good, and unique writing!

Please, Patrice
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this poem a lot, Don. It has a good even rhythm, and would be a great work to read aloud. The pace is even and easy, like the taking in and out of breath.

I like the way you have used a well known verse at the beginning. It gives the reader something to immediately relate to. By using a known and changing it into the "anti-sentiment" of the poem, you show special artistry.

You have also done a great job of using both words of strength and words of weakness. By depending on both extremes, the physical weakness and the physical and mental strength required to overcome your diagnosis, you cover the range of emotions without making the poem drag on.

Fine work. I look forward to reading more soon!

Peace, Patrice
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Review of SIT IN MY LAP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this children's poem about a cat. Mine, cat that is, recently deceased. I miss her.

The baby cat received a promotion in the family, which she filled by, sure enough, getting fat.

Much wisdom in even your simple verse.

Peace, Patrice
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Review of Nada's Pets  
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
I absolutely love the picts of your furry family members. I never thought of putting "the kids" pictures up, and they are such an important part of our everyday lives.

I really enjoyed the brief tour, and I'll be back again soon. And I must say, you have a lovely head shot!

Thanks for all the many things you do Nada! You are all things to me *Heart*

Peace, Patrice
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Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an interest start to a story. I've had the experience with feathers that you speak of. You've done a good job describing cat behaviour, and snuck in a hint of what might be to come. Good start.

Write on.

Peace, Patrice
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Rated: E | (5.0)
What a beautiful monologue to your "Baby Cat." I lost my "Nellie" just a couple of weeks ago to kidney disease. I got her in 1986.

The longer we have them, the more dear they become, and the more we miss them when they have passed on. This is a very touching tribute to you and to "Baby Cat". God bless you.

Peace, Patrice
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I really like the content of this article. I like the way you broke it up in different sections about the cat.

I'm glad you included the ears. I worried about my gray cat when I saw she had pink spots on one of her ears--then I realized it was my lipstick.

You have a few grammar errors:

"When he comes to me in the middle of the night while I’m sleeping, then buries his head on my face, waking me up."--sentence fragment--It would be an okay sentence if you took out the "when."

I spite it off of my face and shake my head.--the word should be spelled "spit."

. . .reminding you that the cat is a more intelligent creature then you are--the correct word usage should be "than."

apologize for whatever it is that I done, unknowingly.--either say "have done" or "I did."

. . . some more willing to dance, some bulking and saying--I think you mean "balking."

I reallylike the content. You've summed up some great points about living with a cat.

Write on.

Patrice





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Review of Breast Cancer  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I like that you have written this in bold pink. We learn our colors and their meanings easily when they apply to us.

I put off getting the mamogram the doctor wanted me to have last fall, but finally got around to it the middle of last week. When the doctor called me Friday afternoon to let me know the exact size and location of one mysterious area, I knew he thought it was serious. He's just a good doctor, and I keep telling myself I don't have to be afraid. But I am.

I was so sure that lung cancer would be my final demise, I hadn't really read up on breast cancer. My dad died of lung cancer when he was 62. I'm 51, and just quit smoking the first of 2006. I think God appreciates irony.

I have discovered that there's a totally other language people use when they talk about breast cancer. Reading what you have written makes me feel a little more comfortable. You are fortunate to have a friend to go to the doctor appointments with you.

I wish you well, and will start a folder like you have when I get a little more information.

Good luck to you, and may God bless you in His most precious ways!

Peace, Patrice
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Review of Nightfall  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very impressive work you've got here. My only dissatisfaction was that in the first two astanzas, I feel like your terms af color and the passage of time could be more specific. Not all sunsets have the some color, and color does set the picture.

Otherwise, I really like the development of this poem, your descriptive terms of night fascination, and think the ending is fab!

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Poetry  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice folder of poetry. I like all the titles of your poems. Very intersting. Which shall i read. . .

Write on. I really like the way you have your portfolio orgaized. Your tems are much more descriptive than many I've read.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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245
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this poem a lot. I didn't know the form "pi" when I started reading this poem, but I read it and recognized it when I was finished reading.

Fantastic job.

Write on.

Peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
[i}You have 15 minutes each day for writing, don't you?{/i}

On Saturday, the 15 minutes of writing for 15 days in a row starts. This will be my first time to write along to your daily posted photo prompts. I'm looking forward to it.

I have my egg timer ready to go. I'm excited to have these prompts coming up, and am looking forward to participating.

Thanks for a great contest!

Write on.

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice survey to read on. Some people rate everything they read, while others tend not to.

Try this poll and see where you fall on the spectrum.

Good job!

peace, sunflower *Flower2*
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Review of Dreams  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this one, Chickie!

You've touched on many elements that go into those dreams we can never seem to understand. I would suggest you use commas in the second stanza, between the lines, and then a period at the end. I'm sort of a poet grammar hawk.

I really like the end of this poem. You ask a question about dreams that I never exactly thought of that way. Very creative.

Hope you can get some reviews and GPs tonight so your membership won't expire. Maybe a couple of public reviews will help.

Write on.

peace, sunflower A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is beautifully written, Kenzie, and I especially liked your description of your mother. I too am tackling the telling of tales about aging parents, and you've done a great job in this narrative.

Wanted to point out one error. When you refer to your Dad, using "Dad" as his name you need to capitalize the D. If you are referring to my dad, you don't capitalize because it's a relationship in that case. Does that make sense? Remember the grammar rule?

This is an excellent article that I really enjoyed reading. My mom, like yours, speaks so highly of the business world. I hadn't thought of her relationship to the world as you described it, but after reading can understand my own mother's expectations of the world. Thanks so much for sharing this.

Write on.

peace, sunflower A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a cool three word block story. It makes relative sense too, in a non-serial kind of way. Fun to add to a story like this!

Only three little words at a time, and all the contributions make quite a tale. My congrats on a greatly participated creation.

Write on.

peace, sunflower A sig initiated for me by a great lady, and Texas Ranger fan.
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